December 9th, 2012

Guido’s Column in the Daily Star Sunday

Questions answered in this week’s Guido column:

  • Daily_Star_Weekend_9_12_2012Who did @Tom_Watson warn “You’re going to f***king regret that” and why?
  • Which Labour MP is trying to erase his criminal record?
  • Who is most likely to replace Balls as Shadow Chancellor?
  • Euan Blair is conveniently close to a safe Labour seat that has become available.
  • How was Sally disappointed on her tenth wedding anniversary night?

All answered in your 90p Daily Star Sunday…


  1. 1
    Aricolza Narzole says:

    I never miss Guido’s column.


    • 4
      879 days and counting says:

      Or Nelson’s column


    • 238
      Parliament Fan Club says:

      Which Labour MP is trying to erase his criminal record?

      Guido a guy has the numbers of the previous parliament of MPs behaviour and it makes interesting reading.

      8 MPs done for assault 81 incapable of having a credit card due to “fraud” matters x done for passing bad cheques.

      Euan Blair being done for drunk and disorderly would be in good company.


      • 272
        Xmas in Cleggoland says:

        There’s stacks no doubt, from all corners of the House, even in the geriatric ward of Westminster.

        The first thing they get advised to say to an officer when they get pulled up/caught with their pants down/etc. is “do YOU know who I am?”. Well, that is what they say always.


  2. 2
    Kebab Time says:

    A good column this week Guido.

    I hope the baying mob are now happy that the prank DJs have been put on suicide watch, wonder who they going to blame this time?

    Maybe the ones that sent abuse and threats to them? oh the irony!


    • 3
      hwrgy says:

      If they couldn’t stand the heat…………………………


    • 8
      Any old iron says:

      Irony from an iron, now that IS irony.


    • 9
      Prosecutor for the Show Trials of the UK Court of Public Opinion says:

      The view of the Court is that they need to be publicly castigated and dragged threw the streets on a hurdle to Tyburn(now Marble Arch) alongside CEOs for Starbucks, Google and Amazon ….whilst hypocritical politicians sit on the front row doing their knitting cheering on the mob……….


      • 19
        Grandstanding Politicians are c unts says:

        Can we also have witch finder general Margaret Hodge to oversee these proceedings ?


      • 86
        Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

        Not Amazon. I spend alot of time spending my benefits and compo on there.


    • 55
      Anonymous says:

      sunday times states:

      hospital protocol. do not put call through to the ward if it vame in via the hospital’s advertised switchboard telephone number. take a message and pass it to the ward instead. this is to deal with hoax,s

      given the high profile nature of the clients.

      was the nurse expecting a genuine call as she was told to expect it?
      if the issue of paedophilia and royalty is beheind this then it is easy to see how nurse would be could ……tricked.


    • 62
      The Aussie Media says:

      How do we know it isn’t a prank suicide watch. Only one way to find out. Let’s ring up their psychiatrists.


    • 107
      Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

      It’s a great pity Brand and Ross didn’t do the decent thing…


    • 161
      Common Sense says:

      Anyone who seriously thinks the two Aussie DJ’s intended the nurses untimely death are wrong. They will be going through hell at the moment.

      Before schadenfreud:

      It has been reported that the nurse had been “inconsolable and distraught” since the hoax. She described herself as being a ‘very nervous person’. So perhaps not 100% stable, and maybe should not have been left alone after the incident. It is not clear though what help she sought if any. She was found in hospital accommodation – despite the hospital denials, the hospital is not out of the frame here.

      She was married with two children.

      Police are treating the death as: ‘unexplained’

      This implies there was no suicide note left, and in the absence of post mortem the cause of death is currently not known. She was unconscious when discovered.

      Probably best to wait for the coroners report before settling on what happened to the nurse, and this cannot be linked back to the Aussie DJ’s even though they will be feeling a burden of guilt.

      Note: According to reports, when her husband contacted her family back in India, he apparently did not mention suicide as being cause of death. Likely because that has not been established yet. Her family did state that suicide reports they had heard of in the media did not sound in character for their daughter.


      • 172
        Anonymous says:

        a bit of calmness and focus on the facts.

        no one knows anything.
        look at the big picture.

        for sure the aussies are not in the frame, they are just kids.
        should the nurse be highly nervous or highly confident.

        the lady appeared to thrive in her job though so must have felt protected.


        • 205
          Common Sense says:

          On protected – yes indeed. That she was found early in the morning also suggests that her colleagues were keeping an eye.

          The investigation may prove illuminating – at present though the current picture does not add up – and certainly the prejudicial blame apportioning and conclusions are not smart.

          This sort of thing has happened before recently, in Portugal if one recalls.


          • Anonymous says:

            In decent times when a trick was played at someone’s expense they were given an option to refuse it being used for the entertainment of others.

            Now it seems that the media, like the BBC, will use anyone’s mistake as source of ridicule. It seems all individual’s in this country are free and fair game for any entertainment based profit. The fault was the Hospitals and the Royal security. After our recent encounter with Royal security they are incompetent.

            The simple fact that it was reported and the person identified more than once by the BBC was harassment.

            It does not matter how she died, or if the next person lives, it will always be harassment at the expense of the trusting innocent.


          • Anonymous says:

            What stupid comments,they probably went to her room when she didnt turn up for work which would be a normal thing to do.Dont start letting the Ozzie oiks of the hook, can you imagine how you would feel if you made a blunder (confidentility is taken v seriously in Hospitals)and had it replayed continuously on national radio? quite honestly Guido and the BBC havent covered themselves in glory either.


    • 275
      Xmas in Cleggoland says:

      Ach! Suicide watch!?! They couldn’t give a kangaroos knackers mate. Rubbish.

      What they feel bad about should is taking in an indian national who wouldm’t know a brummie accent from a glasgie one. Anyway, what was a qualified nurse doing working the switchboard in the first place? Used to work in a hospital for a couple of years and there was always trained telephonists on the switchboard, 24 hours seven days a week.


  3. 5
    Well it's a thought says:

    Nadines on telly, better get the violins out, she’s telling a really sad story, as usual about herself.


    • 16
      Dick the Prick says:

      Sad story? Wah wah wah, those boys are ghastly, wah wah wah, why haven’t they promoted me, wah wah wah, my unskilled daughter only bags £50k for doing fuck all etc etc ad infinitum. She’s the Diane Fatbott of the Tory party – blethering drivel masquerading as some kind of affiliation to some spurious ‘roots’.


    • 21
      Dorres in denial says:

      If she is so popular with the public why was she voted out first at the earliest opportunity?


      • 64
        Techie says:

        Eric Pickles doesn’t know how to set the redial on his phone properly


      • 79
        Anonymous says:


        why did the prank callers think that they could not believe that the call was put through?

        question…why was the call put through?
        it is the hospital’s policy that calls were not to put through to the ward if they come in on the hospital,s publically advertised telephone number?

        the hospital is a seasoned operator.
        what is going on?


        • 88
          Anonymous says:

          in the world of paedophilia, misdirection is the keyword.

          please also remember the phrase poverty of imagination.
          the ex BBC DG stated that he did not know about Jimmy Sovile and he blamed it on his poverty of imagination.

          when you have few layers of misdirection, anything is possible.


        • 91
          Ken Ben says:

          No regular phone switchboard at night, all incoming calls transferred to night co-ordinator (nurse) perhaps?


          • Anonymous says:

            night.time is ofcourse the time when one needs to be extra vigilant.
            the hospital is used by royals.

            how secure are the royals?
            security requires secrecy…….?

            jimmy sovile was kinda open .
            so beyond secrecy is the world of mind games…where the truth is hidden .
            or should one say…..adjacent to secrecy is the world of mind games. hide ‘n seek.


          • MB. says:

            A lot of telephone systems have a night service where one or more telephones will ring first – perhaps in the security office. But if there is no one there (which will often be the case at night) then the system will automatically ring various other selected phones – probably all the manned locations that will not disturb patients. She could have thought the call had been transferred through to the position where she was and so already validated.

            Quite a possibly a simple mistake with tragic consequencies.

            The DJs seemed to have been surprised to be transferred through, they could have put the phone down and still had a mildly amusing thing to play to the morons listening to the station without doing any damage.

            I listened to the apology from the owner / manager of the station this morning. It was like a politician’s apology and never actually apologised for what they had done, just expressed regret for the death. He seems much more concerned about his DJs.


          • Anonymous says:

            Quite a possibly a simple mistake.

            best not to speculate.
            when we don,t know we don,t know,

            this is no ordinary hospital, now is it?


          • Anonymous says:

            The DJs seemed to have been surprised to be transferred through, they could have put the phone down and still had a mildly amusing thing to play to the morons listening to the station without doing any damage.

            well impulse control and boundaries are not specific to kids.
            it is a global phenomena. we do not know who were the ppl behind the dj,s nudging them on.

            if i sneeze in the uk and there is a hurricane in bermuda is it my fault?
            the trigger was in the australia but who pulled it and who enabled it.


          • White hat geek says:

            The DJ’s got the number off the net apparently.

            It may have been direct to the ward: There was no call transfer once dialed, and from the recording you can determine the number dialed as the tones are clearly audible.


        • 109
          Anonymous says:



          The number 5 is dynamic, energetic, unpredictable. extremely independent, unpredictable …. change is an absolute necessity but is surprisingly loyal.


        • 133
          Anonymous says:

          the world is well what the world is.

          the russian president has talked about aliens in our midst and that the public would panic if they knew the numbers.

          never ever ignore the utterings of anyone with that level of profile. the truth is hidden in the throwaway remarks.

          but why?


    • 121
      buffoon says:

      Her sad story this morning was as sad as the sad story from Mr Balls and his speech impediment..the impediment that played not part at all in him fucking up his response to the Autumn Statement. That was due to speech incompetence


      • 168
        Socialism is generalized National Socialism says:

        What the press failed to report is that Balls has recently undergone radical new surgery to swap his colon and oesophagus. This new treatment is primarily to save him having to stand up when he wishes to speak.


  4. 6
    Civilised Person says:

    If that is an accurate quote, it seems that the vile Watson doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
    But then, the sane amongst us have always known that he’s an ignorant lout.


    • 32
      Civilised person says:

      It’s a pity one can’t withdraw posts sometimes. My ad blocker prevents the picture on the page from being seen, but instead puts up the text caption for it. So my quote read incorrectly. My apologies.


  5. 7
    Hank the Cat says:

    I see camaron is banging on about gay marriage again, the economy is going down the drain,he has left us defenceless,immigration is out of control and going to get worse and this phuckwits flagship policy is gay marriage. Now tell me that he is not a liebour suppoter


    • 11
      Ken Livingloon, right for once says:

      I told you, the Tory party is riddled with ‘em.


    • 15
      Another master class in the art of b*llsh*tt*ng from our PM says:

      He’s certainly a PR man…..he knows full well that he cannot guarantee in the legislation that the legislation will exempt certain faiths from having to hold gay marriages if passed into law.The European Court of Human Rights will strike down the clause in the legislation on the first case that is referred to it


      • 239
        Parliament Fan Club says:

        Someone has to hide the amount that Osborne is borrowing and what better PR stunt than giving PR people their “gay marriage” even though it is not wanted by the non-Maxcliffords in the UK.


    • 66
      Saver's Weekly says:

      The economy is not going down the drain. It is already in the drain. What is happening is that it is slithering sideways.


    • 74
      a non says:

      “When the items or elements or units of a group are similar in nature it is known as homogeneous, which means having the same type of basic qualities or properties. The opposite of homogeneous is heterogeneous”.
      Is it any surprise that following a coalition result that all parties end up the same touting for votes, with the exception of Greens and UKIP who have a snowballs’s chance in hades of getting a mandate?
      Although it would be better to any wavering voter to be confronted by a party spokesman just advocating his crystal clear red, blue or orange / yellow characteristics avoiding the flexibility of double-speak every politician is forced to speak with a forked tongue. Jumping on bandwagons and avoiding preconceived party extremes has become the norm to be seen as all things to all men.


    • 222
      Watt Tyler sez.... says:

      In my day we chased the ruling classes out of town, got to watch the mayor on the next London bound expedition. Practice for march Dartford, meet in pub if wet


    • 252
      Marion the cat says:

      Guilty as charged. There is a lot that we are not being told about ‘the gay paradism’.


      • 253
        Marion the cat says:

        or even the paradigm.

        But I would contend that if there is information that meant that homosexuality was a mental aberration it would get suppressed. Actually I do think I have already heard this, peripherally of course.


  6. 10
    Whistle Blower says:

    The nurse had forged her qualifications.


    • 28
      Hank the Cat says:

      If she had forged nursing qualifications she must have had help from someone within the hospital. the nursing qualifications are so easy to check


    • 60
      Anonymous says:

      most dangerous are half truths.

      the nurse was tricked….if someone was to write a novel think of the word .mis direction.



      • 106
        Please stop hitting me officer says:

        This story is degenerating by the hour .


        • 191
          Anonymous says:

          always focus on the facts,
          the rest is colour. colour enriches.

          there is such a thing as decolouring.
          be scientific.


      • 217
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Any copper of minor policing intelligence would know that the DJ’s cannot be ‘fitted up’ for the Nurses death – but that doesn’t stop the msm onslaught.

        If [“if” is a little but powerful word] say one of the DJ’s went on to commit suicide – wouldn’t the blame lie fairly and squarely on the Press pack of Hounds for their hounding of them?

        It’s Ludicrous, It’s preposterous – It’s a conspiracy theory:-

        If I ran a private hospital and all of a sudden there was a public relations issue of huge embarrassment; the management to save face; would have to go into ‘meltdown’ talks. Perhaps a scapegoat could be found to face off the embarrassment to the business, thus protecting the directors and the business? umm that’s sounds plausible – Off the record directors chat “so who can we stick the blame on? – well let’s see ahh got it! Who picked the phone up? – yeah they’ll … do right. So who can we get to have a friendly chat with her / discipline her ye know wot I mean? Dodgy that one; have to be very careful with all that. We gotta save face here guys this is serious for our reputation … right back on the record then” put out some caring caring statements ….. [To be continued or not]


  7. 12
    Gordon Brown says:

    If I commit suicide, the world would be distraught.


  8. 13
    She has a great rack says:

    I hope that female DJ Mel Greig doesn’t top herself. I wouldn’t mind a soapy tit wank from her. Then she can top herself.


  9. 14
    Anonymous says:

    The Daily Star?



  10. 20
    Hank the Cat says:

    The left bang on how immigration enriches us all the time, Here is aspect of immigration thatnnthey are trying to hush up.


  11. 22
    Ffion says:

    Has anyone seen my ‘Willy’?


  12. 23
    Hank the Cat says:

    This bloody stupid been trying to post a link from biased bbc that points out that the authorities are covering up that TB is back in this country after being wiped out and it is being brought in by imm a grunts


  13. 25
    Obsession with who people choose to fuck says:

    You righties who claim to be libertarian are nothing of the sort. Hate gays as much as you like but what does it concern you who people choose to sleep with or whether they want to marry? There’s nothing sacred about marriage. It was originally invented as a financial contract to enable a woman to leave the parental home in return for a financial settlement to her parents. Whether it’s a priority for legislation is another matter, but the vitriol over people who want to make a commitment to each other is bizarre.


    • 41
      Times are still changing says:

      Shouldn’t you be paying more taxes, as a Liebour supporter it’s your duty to fight for the guinea pig with the red rosette on, and pay more taxes to help the “poor” downtrodden millionaires Eddy and Eddy and expensive hangers on.


      • 76
        Obsession with who people choose to fuck says:

        You assume I’m a Labour supporter. I’m neither left nor right. I hate Labour with a passion. I just happen to not be homophobic. I don’t care what consenting adults do. Besides, the idea that there are no gays in the Tory party is hilarious. I know of the annual private party held during conference season attended only by gay Tories.


        • 97
          Aunt Sally says:

          You assume people who read this blog and comment on it are ‘righties’. Many are not.


          • Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

            Many are not right in the head.


          • Anonymous says:

            that is the issue..

            are we sufficiently right brained?

            scientists claim that we only use 10% of the brain.
            what the heck is the other 90% for?

            in the world of mind control it is easier to control 10.
            now imagine 10 to the power of 10. it may be impossible to control such vastness. one thousand million.

            when we don,t know we don,t. open to the possibility if it opens the mind. but stay grounded as when we don,t know we don,t.
            facts are facts. they are part of the truth but not its entirety.


          • Sly Alaunt says:

            No but a lot of them are ‘shities’


        • 240
          Graham Norton says:

          I don’t care what consenting adults do

          Does that include homophiliacs behavior which would be called homophobia if non-homophiliacs were the perps?


    • 42
      Dick the Prick says:

      Then why didn’t Labour do it? I think people have legitimate concerns over gay marriage and it’s not about who fucks whom but the promotion of homosexuality to be of equal value to that of heterosexual union. The main point, something which you seem to have missed is that it’s being promoted by a soon to be ex leader of the Conservative Party when no one gives a buggery. Even Tatchell thinks it’s largely drivel. Labour never touched it because they couldn’t give a stuff. So what Cameron is doing is dividing the CoE and the lay people who volunteer there for a wedge issue only detrimental to the Tories. Do you not see that this is an internal party issue where sure, the Leadership will win but will have the legacy of losing the next election. Labour must be laughing their tits off. Sure, some of the language (here) is a bit rum but that’s because you’re looking behind the curtains of somewhere you’d probably never find yourself. I doubt anyone gives a monkeys about gays but it really shouldn’t have been promoted by the bloody Tory PM. He, Sir, is an idiot. He’s like that Egyptian Morsi chap, a rank bloody amateur playing with things he has no knowledge of. Fuck him, he’s just handed Miliband the next election by alienating conservatives who tend to be of the opinion – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

      I reckon he’s doing this because he knows he’s sunk, he knows Osborne won’t recover, he knows Lansley’s grenade has resonated; so when someone asks him in 20 years, ‘oh, weren’t you prime minister for a bit, what the fuck did you achieve?’ He can say gay marriage. He’s on a legacy mission because he’s seen the polling. Piss all over good people just so he validate his sorry arse premiership on daytime TeeVee. Yeah, he’s as deep as a puddle. Gay marriage – it’s not even on the radar. That’s the gripe.


      • 51
        Aricolza Narzole says:

        Well said, Sir.


      • 255
        Marion the cat says:

        AND a day later you saw him get his closest or most convenient senior colleagues out to support the notion. The man is desperate and HATES the most unfortunate in society.


        • 256
          Marion the cat says:

          Interesting to note that with the passing of a childhood hero, Patrick Moore, he is reported as being of the UKIP party as he was in Europe after the 2nd World War and hated the prospect of a politically combined Europe.

          Strange to see that Angela has got further than Adolph in the German quest for much the same ideal.


      • 259
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Me thinks there could be some bigger stuff in the background – what with all those unresolved Coulson / Ginger criminal charges and conflicts of intere.sting?

        Murdoch don’t do things by half and he always has at least a dozen scapegoats below him who ‘will’ take the fall – whether they want to or not.


    • 146
      Jaded Jean says:

      Think about this seriously, you wouldn’t be here if most of us didn’t have an obsession with whom they choose to fuck. Otherwise you end up with dysgenesis.

      With every passing day, society in the West is becoming ever more feminised. This is resulting in a falling birth rate in the indiginous peoples of the West. And they are being substituted with Asian and African immigrants at an ever increasing rate.


      • 190
        carry hole is a complete hunt says:

        The west is failing to create and is being substituted by their own state… Sounds exactly like the economy where comparative advantage is being replaced by debt. On this as well, we lose they gain.


  14. 26
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “You’re going to f**king regret that…”
    Oh yeah, like that really narrows it down– just about anyone who deals with Fat Bastard is going to come to regret it sooner or later.
    But if he had said, “You’re going to regret f**king that,” we’d probably figure he was quoting something somebody had told his ex…


  15. 27
    Bluebottle says:

    Chris Huhne is innocent and not guilty .

    Victoria Price is innocent and not guilty.

    Rebecka Brooks is innocent and not guilty

    Charlie Brooks is innocent and not guilty.

    Freddie Star is innocent and not guilty .

    Andy Coulson is innocent and not guilty.

    David Travis is innocent and not guilty.

    Stuart Hall is innocent and not guilty.

    Maxwell Clifford is innocent and not guilty.

    We are all innocent and not guilty .


  16. 29
    Multicultural Leftie says:

    I am so pleased to see how ethnically diverse Ed Milliband’s family Christmas card is.


  17. 30
    Kebab Time says:

    I suck Guido’s column every day.


  18. 31
    Crispin Blunt says:

    I always voted against gay rights. And then I was outed. Funny, that.


  19. 35
    David Cameron says:

    The Argies are making life difficult for British citizens in the Falklands so I am going to stick my finger up my own arsehole and do nothing .


    • 49
      Phil says:

      Speaking of axxxholes pal, unless you are totally pig ignorant, you would realise that that the days of a token force in the Falklands with no backup in sight is long gone.
      The Argies are experiencing groundhog day having yet again fxxked up their economy and any attempt at a galtieriesque military adventure to bolster the flagging morale of the electorate is liable to wind up in a total fxxking disaster.


      • 99
        Anonymous says:

        So it is on the agenda then is it ?


      • 101
        Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

        Our economy is fxxked up too and how long before we embark on another military adventure to make our flagging morale even worse. Syria? Iran? Libya again?


        • 110
          Armchair General says:

          Mali, for Sand’s sake.


        • 220
          PooBare says:

          I see Hill Clintoris is drumming up a “Dodgy Dossier” on Chemical Weapons. I hope we let Barack HUSSEIN Obanana sent his own troops and Aircraft along with Crappos and the Dutch (Oh ha ha ha) to do the fighting and let Wet Willy keep our forces out of another bloody war.


  20. 37
    Hank the Cat says:

    Police are investigating claims against 25 celebrities of alleged sex offences in connection with the Jimmy Savile inquiry.

    At least six of the high-profile figures are expected to be arrested this month and in the new year.

    The 25, reportedly mostly television and radio entertainers, are named in a list of tip-offs to Operation Yewtree – the police inquiry set up after late Top Of The Pops presenter Savile was exposed as a serial abuser.


    • 54
      Gaddaffi's chauffeur says:

      Merry Christmas


    • 68
      Top of the Pops 1960-2000 says:

      We never asked if they were underage

      Just banged them all against the wall gave them some dope and laughed

      God it was as fun and carefree

      When girls are sixteen and all that

      That is why we are against ID cards BTW


    • 71
      Music lover says:

      I think the quality of life would improve greatly it the whole of current Showbizz was locked up

      The whole fucking lot of them

      They are crappy nowadays anyway


      • 96
        Lost in Clacton says:

        I like Bonnie Tyler.


        • 117
          Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

          I could do a turn for that Tom Jones .

          How about arresting them all as long as they are not Welsh .


          • Anonymous says:

            I used to have quite a thing about Victor Emmanuel until they banned the Black and White Minstrels .


          • Black and White Minstrel says:

            But we was White

            Just cross dressed a bit

            Very fashionable nowadays

            Go into any gay bar in Soho … full of Labour MPs trying to be wimmin…


    • 89
      Leveson was a whitewash says:

      Whoever it is in the police force who keeps giving these ‘tip-offs’ should be sacked.


    • 178
      BBC producer says:

      You must admit that for an honest news organisation that believes in transparency and getting to the truth

      We did a superb cover up job of our criminal activities for 40 years

      As good as the KGB in their heyday…

      Almost as good as the Murdoch Mob…


  21. 40
    You know what. says:

    “You know what”. How come this phrase has reached plague proportions on the TV and radio?


    • 44
      Blowing Whistles says:

      What about

      … aspirations …
      …robust measures …
      … grow the business …
      … leadership …


    • 57
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      You know what, I’ll tell you what, I have no idea why such a phrase has reached such proportion. Maybe people have been smoking too much you know what, know what I mean?


    • 63
      And In General Public says:

      “Know what I mean”.


      • 82
        Dave Beckham says:

        Erm I think it is all down to me you know .


        • 273
          Know wot ah mene says:

          Nope! It was Frank Bruno who always said “Know what I mean, ‘arry?” It is his catchphrase, his and his alone, invariably used when chatting to boxing corespondent, the late Mr Carpenter.


      • 87
        Beast of Strangeways says:



        • 215
          bandersnatch says:

          ‘may’ in stead of ‘might’, ‘may have’ instead of ‘might have’, active tense instead of passive tense… I could go on for half an hour, but I won’t bore you with my particular linguistic moans


    • 132
      William Jefferson Clinton says:

      I believe I may have been the first to come up with the formulation “Mistakes were made.” Of course, it all depends on what “may” may mean.

      Now can we move on, and get about doing the work the people have sent us here to do?


    • 181
      D Brown says:

      NLP suggestion – kind of a smash’n’grab approach to implanting an idea or notion.

      It implies that the speaker is not imparting fact, and you will likely subconsciously agree with whatever is said next as to disagree would be to admit you are ignorant of something.

      Switch off and ignore when you hear that.


    • 223
      Blowing Whistles says:

      The classic double-speak of mantra word mangling for the new century must go the Donald Rums you know who I mean…

      There are known knowns that we know and there are knowns that we don’t know …. well y’all know the garbled known knowns thingy – you know what I must dig out the actual words.


  22. 52
    My hamster has just bitten Freddie Star says:

    So that DJ is on suicide watch.

    Let us hope they are both in Pentonville .


  23. 56
    The Bastard Broadcasting Chumps. says:

    Let’s get one thing clear here. The prank played on the nurse was not nice and was stupid but it would have rested there.

    What escalated this to beyond a prank was the BBC repeatedly playing her words on all their News bulletins on all their radio and TV channels and implying that she must be fucking stupid to have fallen for it.


    • 75
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Implying stupidity on someone’s part, which, of course, they would NEVER do if, should they ever deign to do so, they discuss UKIP polling results.


    • 77
      Mark Carney wont rock the status quo says:

      Do you think we will be able to get the BBC all into Pentonville together with those two Dingos ?


    • 173
      The BBC humiliated Her says:

      The private hospital has fallen victim to a hoax call in which one of the Australian DJs did a poor impression of the Queen; another pretended to be Prince Charles.

      And for good measure, someone else yapped in the background like one of the monarch’s corgis.


  24. 58
    A Reporter from the Daily Planet says:

    I’m back, I’m back, you better believe it .

    ( Milliband .D )


  25. 72
    F5 says:

    Thats refreshing


  26. 81
    That settles that then says:


  27. 83
    Sally Bercow says:

    Why did that stoopid nurse off herself? Oops, waz that insensitive? *innocent face* I bet the coalition had her killd! *conspiracy theory* Me and John send condol’s 2 her fam. *sad face* I hope her husband will be ok. I’ll help any way I can. *opens legs bends over dustbin*


  28. 85
    Aussie DJ says:

    G’day mate! I’m well sorry for pranking that nurse sheila! We’re not too bright here down under! We’re all either crooks or crap soap actors, mate!


  29. 92
    Stuart Hall says:

    I told that 9 year old “Let’s play It’s a Knobout”.


  30. 93
    Jonathan Ross says:

    i’m on suicide watch
    It a New BBC gamse show, I call up old men ,a buse them and broadcast their suicide via hidden camera
    Its hilarious!
    Watch next mnday and keep paying your tax or I will have you sent to prison


    • 113
      Noel I've not been arrested yet Edmonds says:

      Great idea for the show for you Jonafon. We could send a member of the audience up in a crane and get him to jump out believing he’s got a bungie cord tied to him.

      Here’s the laugh mate. We remove the cord and don’t tell him…

      What do you think mate?


  31. 98
    St Tony Blair, war criminal and personal pal of Jesus says:

    What is important is, is what is important is.


  32. 111
    A Reporter from the Daily Planet says:

    Morsi is in the shit .


  33. 118
    David Cameron says:

    Think it’s time to get a tattoo…


  34. 124
    Tom Watson says:

    RIP Sir Patrick Moore. Expect to see the p*edo rumours in about three months.


    • 129
      James Savile says:

      Allegations about Patrick Moore being a p*edo already circling. “He just loved looking at Uranus” one victim said in police interview


    • 131
      Some Twat up North says:

      “After a short spell in hospital last week, it was determined that no further treatment would benefit him, and he was placed on the Sussex death pathway”


      • 143
      • 150
        Dave"The One Term Prime Minister" Cameron says:

        I will now adopt this as my new flagship police,as a tribute to sir Patrick Moore.

        In an interview with Radio Times, he provocatively asserted that the BBC was being “ruined by women”, commenting that: “The trouble is that the BBC now is run by women and it shows: soap operas, cooking, quizzes, kitchen-sink plays. You wouldn’t have had that in the golden days.” In response, a BBC spokeswoman described Moore as being one of TV’s best-loved figures and remarked that his “forthright” views were “what we all love about him”.[68] In his June 2002 appearance on Room 101 he banished female news readers into Room 101.]


        • 277
          Annie Seed-Balls says:

          BBC News showed a film of him playing the piano and xylophone with the dialogue “He never married” – which was always (and for all I know maybe still is) the way of the obit writers hinting that he was a puff pastry.


    • 162
      English Scientist says:

      Very sad, but he lived his life to the full and contributed greatly to the development of an enthusiasm for science amongst the Brits for 55 years

      The last real science broadcaster on the once great BBC.


  35. 144
    Alan Duncan says:

    Don’t knock brown love till you’ve tried it. There’s nothing like being in a tight hole or getting your end pipe serviced.


  36. 145
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Don’t you just love how the BBC can be so ‘selective’?

    Peter Bone on the BBC gave the hack interviewing him a good going over when BBC type suggested that an ‘overwhelming majority of the public’ supported gay marriage.

    Bone replied that according to that we should also have capital punishment back as well. BBC type didn’t seem to like that comment.

    BBC love to pick and choose public opinion when it suits them.


  37. 147
    Thought for the Day says:

    Anal sex is natural. You know why? In predictive text on a mobile, the same keys for cock are also used for anal.


  38. 154
    Nick Herbert says:

    You can all go and fuck off.


  39. 155
  40. 156
  41. 157
    Dave "Butch" Cameron says:

    Samantha hates it when I start flirting in pubs.

    Especially when it’s with other men.


    • 166
      Doctor death says:

      Sam Cam has had a lucky escape. The surgeon who delivered her last sprog has been retired, not only from Treliske hospital but from the medical register. Turns out he was dangerous and incompetent all the staff knew it but it is almost impossible to sack a doctor in an NHS hospital, so much so that they promoted him before suspending him several times. He had only been back at work a few days after one of his regular suspensions when they let him loose on sam’s fanny.


      • 194
        Beast says:

        Maybe they were trying to do the country a favour by cutting down on the numbers of Carwrong offspring
        They have already “offed” one so far


      • 196
        carry hole is a complete hunt says:

        Just another of the miracles from having a state/union run producer captured treatment rationing system.


      • 261
        Blowing Whistles says:

        People should research into the old “Hippocratic Oath” that Doctors ‘used to take’ about ethics – it seems that it has been quietly pulled … for some or other reasons.


  42. 158
    • 164
      BBC,Guardian,Labour party revolving door job club says:

      We admire David Cameron for his stand on Gay marriage but still think he’s a c*nt and his party eat babies.


  43. 159
    Guess Who? says:

    Payment for staff and research of £40,679.51 as Chairman of the World Economic Forum Policy Coordination Group. (Registered 27 November 2012)

    Airfare, transport and accommodation in Beijing, China, also paid for me and my staff; £12,032.38. (Registered 27 November 2012)


    • 180
      A Diddy Man says:

      Ken Dodd?


    • 187
      Gawd Help Us says:

      It’s no wonder he never shows up to the HoC he’s far too busy for such trivial things like that, the extra little bit of income is probably handy though.


    • 198
      IMHO says:

      “Chairman of the World Economic Forum Policy Coordination Group. (Registered 27 November 2012)”.
      and I am Humpty Dumpty executive in chief of free air miles (registered 09 December 2012).


      • 282
        Bums in the air for the economy says:

        .. and it will not have escaped your attention that somebody on here a day or two ago mentioned that the next World Islamic Economic Forum is to be held in….. LONDON…

        …. and all at Brit taxpayers’ expense of course. Now whose idea was that then?

        PS: Rule 4: No pooofs allowed.


  44. 165
    Peter Mandelson says:

    The Penis

    The problem with penises, as Richard Rudgley, a British anthropologist, admitted on a television programme some years ago, is that once you start noticing them, you “tend to see willies pretty much everywhere”. They are manifest in skyscrapers, depicted in art and loom large in literature. They pop up on the walls of schoolyards across the world, and on the walls of temples both modern and ancient.


  45. 171
    Empty Ed Milliband, trying to find somfing to say says:

    I am not interested in iPads

    I am giving strap ons to all my wimmin MPs

    And a badger spotting guide (thanks to the BBC) to my “male” MPs

    Before they go and get married in Saint Pauls


  46. 174
    Empty Ed Milliband, trying to find somfing to say says:

    is badger spotting censored here?


  47. 186
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:

    Who else thinks Starbucks are making a mocha-ry of tax?


  48. 189
    Being gay is a mental disorder says:

    Boris and Michael are my heroes.


  49. 201
    j d morgan says:

    When my elderly mother was seriously ill in hospital I couldn’t get any information on her condition by phone. I was told I had to come in personally to be updatedWhen I said what if I lived 200 miles away the answer was TOUGH.


    • 208
      IMHO says:

      Not my experience in similar situation, quite happy to give details as long as you state that you are a close relative, which is as it should be.


    • 210
      Beast says:

      Shouldhave saved yourself the journey and knwn her condition
      Dying of starvation whilst lying on a piss soaked bed as fat arsed nurses and useless Drs sat about eating chocolates and takeaways
      A couple of years ago The Best (PBUHJ) was in A&E on a drip, I was so p£££££d off I had to remove my own cannulure and just left the place
      I know enough about those fuckers to know that you are best seen to by a servoces medic or yourself if you have an injury
      Stay away from hospitals


      • 225
        bandersnatch says:

        My dad was in hospital for a supposedly essential ‘medication review’. He had all his mental marbles and, as he never took so much as an aspirin normally, asked to be given only the essential drugs for his heart condition. The hopeless uncaring biddies on the ward gave him sedatives and sleeping pills as they did to every single person in the ward. They turned him sick, groggy and miserable all next day. When I found out, I complained. ‘Old people get confused’ was the unconcerned reply. I went round each of the ward myself saying my dad could sleep on a concrete garage floor. DO NOT GIVE HIM SEDATIVES or sleeping pills. They LIED to him about what the medication was that he was to take the next day; he tried to get up to go to the loo and ended up black and bruised all down one side. (I later found out that it is convenient for ward staff to have elderly patients passive, confused and groggy most of the time.) When I took it up with the consultant he apologised, and was not a bit surprised. He advised me to take my father home… and I did.


  50. 202
    We'll keep the red flag flying......... says:

    Comrades, you might be due a tax rebate on your union fees over the years. Let us save you the trouble of bending down and picking up a telephone handset to call your local tax office by putting you in touch with a tax rebate company who will do it all for you instead. You’ll be helping us to fill our coffers here at UNISON when they pay their advertising fee to us and when they have raked off their 49 pence in the pound fee, you’ll get back some of the money that rightfully belonged to you in the first place.


  51. 204
    Anonymous says:

    Excellent take on the Jimmy Saville case, without the usual UK chattering class bullshit:


  52. 207
    Beast says:

    Breaking news!
    Noel Edmonds has been arrested for having sex with girls who were not capable of being on the blobby

    Keith Chegwin also guilty
    Michael “bend over in that hot tub” Barrymore

    Chris Evans well known molestor

    Stephen Fry

    It seems that it is compulsory to be a kiddie fiddler to get a job at the BBC
    And we pay for this depravity (Well I opted out)
    Ricky Gervais well known Bi
    Jonathan Ross known for molesting young women
    The list is endless
    Even Morcambe and Wise were bedmates
    What a sewer
    At least Michael Parkinson was/is a proper man (from Yorkshire) and loves a bit of fanny


  53. 218
    Mr Straight says:

    I’d be mortified if I caught the Bouquet at a gay wedding


  54. 219
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    What has happened to Mr Fawkes’ campaign to abolish Palace Of Westminster food and booze subsidies?


  55. 221
    HRH The Duke of Edinburgh says:

    Mel Greig has magnificent norks.


  56. 231
    Jimmy says:

    Questions not answered in this week’s Guido column:



  57. 233
    Jimmy says:

    “Who did @Tom_Watson warn “You’re going to f***king regret that” and why?”

    Everyone. Election Night. Is the last one a trick question?


  58. 244
    Superman says:

    Suicide watch my arse! Surely nothing in the Star can be believed. Not worth 9p for this drivel!


  59. 245
    fitzfitz says:

    Is there still a super injunction over Euan Blair and that Swiss Cottage business ??


  60. 247
    I don't want to share the same air as the Labour voting dogshit in Edinburgh says:

    Who is most likely to
    replace Balls as
    Shadow Chancellor?

    Not that arsewipe The Vet Cooper?


  61. 268
    Xmas in Cleggoland says:

    Euan Blair? How time flies. Last I heard of him is when he had a go at street pavement art – quite abstract it was, but a good effort.


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