December 3rd, 2012

Kelvin for Parliament

Kelvin MacKenzie has penned a withering attack on the main three parties in the Telegraph today, accusing George Osborne of sadistic tendencies and the government of failing to represent the south of England:

kelvin“Sick and tired of subsidising folk from the rest of the country? You belong to a select club – the club of the hard-working, clever and creative people living in London and the South East who single-handedly are giving the rest of the nation a standard of living they can’t, or won’t, create for themselves. George Osborne, the allegedly Conservative Chancellor, truly loves you. He loves squeezing the life out of your wallet. He loves your pain. And in his Autumn Statement on Wednesday he will be doing one more time what he does best – taxing the hell out of London and the South East.”

Reads like a PPB, doesn’t it? It’s no coincidence – Kelvin is calling for a new party to defend the interests of the south, even suggesting its manifesto might include home rule for London and the south-east. Needless to say his new plan has been greeted with near universal approval across the political divide. “A new dawn has broken has it not…”


  1. 1
    Anon says:

    Where does the South begin?

    If they put in the infrastructure and decent schools across the whole country it wouldn’t be necessary to have the whole world crammed in to one small corner of the country.

  2. 2

    McKenzie is a capitalist running-dog!

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Maybe he could stand in a Liverpool constituency.

  4. 4
    Polly's a Parrot says:

    Build your own infrastructure.

  5. 5
    King Edward says:

    you gotta larf at him ain’t ya?

    anyway i was at my local pub quiz the other evening and was asked who’s a good commontater – I said maris piper

  6. 6
    bergen says:

    He’s not getting much support from Telegraph readers judging by the comments on-line.

  7. 7
    Alex Salmond says:

    Thank you Kelvy baby you sir are the best recruiting Sergeant the SNP could wish for. By the way does Kelvy baby realize the reason the south is prosperous is because it is populated by Northern English Irish Scots and Europeans Innit Tho

  8. 8
    smoggie says:

    Thought that had already been done.

  9. 9
    El Sid says:

    Sounds like a rip-off of the Northern League in Italy – Kelvin fancies a bit of bunga bunga action?

  10. 10
    Tuscan Tony says:

    At least he’s had a real (ish) day job vaguely away from politics, unlike most of the current crew.

  11. 11
    God's Holy Trousers says:

    Rumour has it Kelvin eats babies. He certainly had the granola munchers foaming at the mouth today.

  12. 12
    Bob Double Diamond Standard says:

    Despite the OTT rhetoric some interesting food for thought here. In the US there are ghost towns where once the local factory or factories closed down everyone simply upped sticks and moved on leaving a no mans land. A similar thing has happened in parts of former East Germany. In the UK we have a knack through benefits, regional subsidies, government jobs etc etc of keeping places ‘alive” long after any real reason for them being there has long since gone. Post de-industrialisation this includes huge swathes of the UK north of Watford. Of course not everyone can live in the South East and indeed the housing crisis is a fiction as there are plenty of empty streets in the North just no jobs.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Followthe pro european elites to shred your country and your childrens future put burning tyres across the motorways and cut London off from the North

  14. 14

    Kelvin MacKenzie is a self serving/publicizing odious sociopath who has made a fortune out of sensational tabloid spoutings at the expense of others.

    MacKenzie has never shown a conscience or remorse until either caught or forced by public opinion to look good (or at least better.

    Like Alistair Campbell, Nick Ferrari, Piers Morgan and Polly Toynbee, why does anybody listen to what these poison Wormtongues say at all.

    The caring side of Kelvin MacKenzie – don’t make me laugh – the only person Kelvin cares for is himself

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    Bit confused of the chap. It’s true there are some cities with large immigrant populations in the North, but the vast majority of the teat suckers appear to reside in the already overcrowded South East.

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Followthe pro european elites to shred your country and your childrens future put burning tyres across the motorways and cut London off from the North

  17. 17
    Anon says:

    Your false assumption is that I am a northerner. It is in everyone s interest that London doesnt become an over-crowded cess-pit of seething humanity. The infrastructure in London is creaking as it is.

  18. 18
    Snapper says:

    What a complete knob!

  19. 19
    Tooth fairy says:

    What’s a PPB?

  20. 20
    a tad too cocky says:

    Kelvin ought to bear in mind that the London area thrives with the talent from all parts of the UK.

  21. 21
    Smell the glove says:

    Yes Kelvin and when there is a fuckin war to fight all the tough lads down south will sort it. Get back under your Hillsboro rock you Hunt

  22. 22
    Nothing better to do says:

    “Kelvin MacKenzie is a self serving/publicizing odious sociopath”

    Perfect MP then.

  23. 23
    Cicero says:

    The real man here:

  24. 24
    Uncle Joe says:

    You know what needs to be done. And no backsliding Comrade Joyce you can be added to the list you know?

  25. 25
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    We’re creative up here especially when getting the maximum benefits.

  26. 26
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    Thank goodness.

  27. 27
    Who Want's Some? says:

    Another f_cking media gob shite looking to further his ego. We need either to be a nation or f_ck it and start living in tribes again which is fine by me ’cause mine is Zulu! Me and some of the boys will give him a right Zulu welcome!

  28. 28
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    Send them all to Skem. It’s just over the border in Lancs so it won’t affect Merseyside’s ethnicity.

  29. 29
    Jimmy says:

    I think there already is a southern party isn’t there?

  30. 30
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    No need for tyres – just a sign saying “Welcome to the Islamic Republic of Londistan.

  31. 31
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    Yes, in the stocks outside St George’s Hall.

  32. 32
    Kelvin for the rope says:

    So we’re going to improve Parliament by electing a lying hack who smears the dead?

  33. 33
    Lola says:

    One error. It’s not that the rest of the country ‘can’t or won’t create the wealth to look after themselves’, it is that they are deliberately prevented from doing so by the lefty quango-ista entitlement seeking bastards who need them as the ‘client state’. A combination of massive over-taxation, over-regulation, dependence creation and Balkanisation makes it impossible for anywhere else to create any wealth. Plus all parties and their satraps in the state bureaucracy and their fellow travellers in the banks (cheered on by the most corrupt bank of all – the Bank of England) are evry keen to retain the stream of rents and entitlements whilst they con us with home-owner-ism.

  34. 34
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    Regulation is good for everyone except banks.

    The banks told me that, so it must be true.

  35. 35
    Jan says:

    There are plenty of empty rat-infested houses in the norf thanks to lard-arse Prezza. Perfectly good solid homes which could be used for all the unemployed layabouts from darn sarf..

  36. 36
    Bill Abong. says:

    Strewth cobber K .M is a drongo.Barry Mckenzie has more credibility, G,dye.

  37. 37
    person on S London omnibus says:

    kelvin does it single handed?

  38. 38
    person on S London omnibus says:

    when did Baz geddout mate?

  39. 39
    Bazza. says:

    Too right blue,stripe me pink if you aint tellin, the truth.

  40. 40
    Living in 99% white North Wales says:

    Last time I was there it was just that. A shithole.

  41. 41
    Last Quango says:

    any chance he could get it up and running by the next election?

  42. 42
    person on S London omnibus says:

    …and someone had nicked the bog-roll!

  43. 43
    Bazza. says:

    Not long ago cobber,uh,oh,ave to go,an point percy at the porcelain seez yer later.

  44. 44
    YorkshireLad says:

    Nurse, nurse, come quickly! Mr MacKenzie has slipped his leash again!

  45. 45
    F. U. MacKenzie says:

    Just another attempt to break up England.

    First they flood us with barbarians, then they try and pretend the English never existed. And now they promote a trumped up regionalism. Anything to try and destroy England and the English people.

    Just what are the political classes and their stooges so afraid of?

  46. 46
    bumboys and nonces says:

    Eloquently put.

    To precis – a total cun*t.

  47. 47
    bumboys and nonces says:

    Even Telegraph readers can see through this common-as-arseholes wanker.

  48. 48
    alastair harris says:

    I don’t think George cares where you live – he just wants your money!

  49. 49
    bumboys and nonces says:

    He’s got balls has old Kelve.

  50. 50
    bumboys and nonces says:

    Not everyone – the press shouldn’t be regulated either.

    Where would effective regulation leave the likes of Kelve with his trusty sword of truth?

  51. 51
    bumboys and nonces says:

    “Any chance he could get it up”?

    No chance – the fat cun*t hasn’t seen it under his flabby gut for years.

  52. 52
    George says:

    Very true about the people you selected espcially that poisionus ;Toynbee

  53. 53
    Crocodile clip Dundee. says:

    Bazza ,me old myte ,yer dead right about K.M , he,s just a flamin, chunderhead.Too many tinnies last night ,ave gotter go an, stick me head over the toilet an havva technicolour yawn,later cobber.

  54. 54
    Anglo-Saxon says:

    Unfortunately the Northerners (= Vikings) already destroyed the northern part of the English people, and all that’s left is the intelligent part in the south

  55. 55
    Engineer says:

    Well, it’s a good rant, but it doesn’t really stand much scrutiny. Apart from some corrupt banks and their hangers-on, what does the economy of the South-East actually consist of?

  56. 56
    Engineer says:

    George doesn’t really want to take your money. He’s just been backed into a corner by inheriting an almighty crock of economic shit from his predecessors. Anybody who thinks it’ll be sorted out in anything less than a decade has not been paying attention.

  57. 57
    Dimpled Mat says:

    Chelsea football club.

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    The SOW (South of Watford) Party

  59. 59
    Big Fat Momma. says:

    Obviously he has not been to Brixton as we have our own local currency.

  60. 60

    Time for London to do a Singapore and secede – telling the Government to move to Birmingham or points North

  61. 61
    XXXxx says:

    He probably means within the confirns of the M25, that’s great why not where are they going to get their water from, they would have to build more power stations, more gas ports, lots of lovely refineries, they would have to pay over the odds for everything, the man is a strange cookie no doubt, goods do not pass through London any more.

  62. 62
    XXXxx says:

    That would be cruel, especially when a north west wind blows in winter, the Liverpuds would be able to use up any rotten fruit and veg

  63. 63
    XXXxx says:

    Many a true word spoken in jest

  64. 64
    XXXxx says:

    TT true and he has never had to actually run the job, maybe he thinks a sort of part time job where he can spend more time in the place journos frequent, the boozer

  65. 65
    XXXxx says:

    They will be doing that to keep all folks that do low paid jobs in, after all someone has to wipe their botties when they grow old. Oh just a thought, if the UK pulled out of the EU or they did, they would need a passport to move outside the M25

  66. 66
    XXXxx says:

    It’s one of the most efnic cities in the world, init

  67. 67
    XXXxx says:

    How do you know, are you or have you ever intimte with Kelvin

  68. 68
    XXXxx says:

    Of course the Tory party

  69. 69
    XXXxx says:

    What would he call it The Crap Party

  70. 70
    XXXxx says:

    Gordon listened to them and he agreed with them, not of course did he realise that the restriction on banks were for a reason, and anything they asked for was purely for self interest and licence to run amock

  71. 71
    XXXxx says:

    Why didn’t he fall on his sword of truth like a good patrician (as he blieves he is)

  72. 72
    XXXxx says:

    Does he indeed?

  73. 73
    XXXxx says:

    Has he been sectioned?

  74. 74
    XXXxx says:

    Wasn’t it your actual Harold, Earl of Wessex, defeated at Battle (or there abouts) by William the Bastard a Norman (descended from the Vikings

  75. 75
    XXXxx says:

    That’s very true, the only trouble he thought that he would be all done and dusted and the economy would have pulled around

  76. 76
    XXXxx says:

    A vast sucker in of money depriving the rest of the country of money nearly all banks are controlled from London

  77. 77
    Pravda says:

    new dawn has broken has it

    No. Just Kelvin talking out of his arse.

  78. 78
    Engineer says:

    Quite. Banks don’t create wealth, they just move it around. Recently, they’ve been very adept at moving it into their own pockets.

  79. 79
    Lord Mooncrater says:

    I never knew he was a Red Indian. Amazing what you learn on this blog.

  80. 80
    A reporter from the Daily Planet says:

    I heard he is down to be the new Chancellor as soon as Boris gets the top job but please keep this news quiet and do not tell anyone as i still have to verify my source .

  81. 81
    its bleak in sunderland says:

    We dont want the f…..s we areup to our neck in them as it is

  82. 82
    Anonymous says:

    I am going to kick his little c*nt in when I next see him and reach down his throat and pull his arsehole over his head, they pay good money for that in London the piss drinking shit stabbing knob gobblers

  83. 83
    Anglo-Saxon says:

    Yeah, but they were the CULTURED, Frenchified Viking strain – not the thick plunderers from oop north!

  84. 84
    Orse truck. says:

    How very convenient.You have to be a lawyer to swerve and deflect like that,bravo.

  85. 85
    Greychatter says:

    It took Gordon Brown, Ed Balls and Ed Milliband 13 years to cock-up our economy – George is probably still finding traps and skeletons in the cupboard left by Gordon.
    All these Labour people have done very nicely for themselves and left the George Osborne to sort out the mess.
    This has always happened when Labour has run the economy into the ground. Labour had four good years using Ken Clark’s figures, and then Gordon went mad.
    It will take more than 2 years to get back to anything like where Ken Clark left the economy.
    Voters and Politicians have very short selective memories.

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    Party Political Broadcast

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Aww, bless – it’s a keyboard warrior.

  88. 88
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Not no more, it ain’t!

  89. 89
    Ins.. plebbington of the yard. says:

    Ok guv nudge, nudge,wink,wink.

  90. 90
    Illegal Immigrant says:

    Home rule for London and the South East, I’ll vote for that *ucker! When do ya leave Kelivin I’m counting off the days already. Maybe we could do a swop for Scotland?

  91. 91
    Ragnar says:

    Didn’t we burn Essex then?

  92. 92
    Ragnar says:

    As long as you don’t live next door to him!

  93. 93
    Remember Hillsborough says:

    He hasn’t got the bollocks to go to Liverpool.

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