November 30th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Sitting on Democracy Edition)

leveson sits on democracy

This week’s winner will win a copy of ‘Mullahs Without Mercy’, Geoffrey Robertson’s ground-breaking study of Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Make them witty…


233 Comments

  1. 1
    Tadcaster says:

    Where’s Gordon Brown?

  2. 2
    The Blessed Margaret says:

    Bum on seat?

  3. 3
    I Squiggle says:

    Of course I’m in favour of a free press, that why I only read the Metro and Evening Standard..

  4. 4
    fruitcake says:

    You press people, I dump in your general direction

  5. 5

    Oops it looks like I’ve just followed through all over press freedom

  6. 6
    Welshracer says:

    Who pulled the lever son?

  7. 7
    I Squiggle says:

    Right, now that’s out of the way, any journalist need a good lawyer?

  8. 9
    The Free Trouser Press says:

    And, as Charlotte crawled out from under the desk licking her lips, Lord Justice Leveson settled down into his seat and added a line about Ofcom and regulatory backstops.

  9. 10
    I Squiggle says:

    Sorry, I can’t take any questions, must dash off to meet with my new employer – Murdoch.

  10. 11
    SW1 worker says:

    Yes, it does hurt. And this is how you boys are going to feel too once I’ve finished with you.

  11. 12
    Shade of Ian Hislop says:

    if this is Justice Leveson, we’re a banana republic…?

  12. 13
    saggydaddy says:

    Thanks Dave, but I don’t know why I bothered.

  13. 14
    ianvisits says:

    Ok, which one of you put a whoopee cushion there?

  14. 15
    I Squiggle says:

    Pity that’s over, was a nice little earner..

  15. 16
    I Squiggle says:

    Oi, Jay! Pub in three, your round..

  16. 17
    Another economic unit says:

    Time for some Quantative easing…

  17. 18
    verticalwater says:

    ” You did say this was a commode! “

  18. 19
    Kebab Time says:

    “After a night out with the Guy news team the Guido Fawkes moderator decides that life in Australia would be less stressful”

  19. 20
    Trinny says:

    I’ll just leave you with this one last thought…………phhhtttt

    (Not witty, but then not interested in the prize. What’s second prize, 2 copies?)

  20. 21
    Dr Talent says:

    None of my recommendations will be implemented you say? I’ll get my coat.

  21. 22
    Steve Miliband says:

    If nothing else, the Levenson has provided a tricky caption contest

  22. 23
    Dorian Smith says:

    Jay: “I put it to you Lord Leveson that you have broken wind or to use the current vernacular farted, wouldn’t you say that’s an accurate description of events Lord Leveson?”.

  23. 23
    Dennis McShane's Shed says:

    “Was that you M’Lord?”

    “I’ve told you I’m not answering any questions.”

  24. 25
    There's no point entering says:

    WHO WON THE LAST TWO CAPTION COMPETITIONS???

    • 82
      Ed Millimong says:

      I demand a public and private and judge led inquiries so we can draw a line in the sand having leared lessons and be able to move forward,

      Wun Nation

  25. 26
    Wyatt Bell says:

    OK you can stop licking now, Hugh

  26. 27
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    This fart will do more for democracy than anything the Sun has ever done.

  27. 28
    Steve Miliband says:

    Leveson excuses himself for a few minutes to witness the rare sighting of Gordon Brown in London

  28. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Levenson shits on centuries of freedom of speech

  29. 30
    I Squiggle says:

    Quick everyone, scarper. Prescott’s coming back..

  30. 32
    medici2471 says:

    when I was a lad, this is what we’d do with newspapers…

  31. 33
    Jpm says:

    Do-do-do the funky gibbon.

  32. 35

    Clear the decks, boys – I’ve issued my report..

  33. 36
    Gassy says:

    The one who smelt it, inquired it.

  34. 37
    Another economic unit says:

    More K Y your lordship?

  35. 39
    Nice little earner for lawyers says:

    Oh thank god that’s over ! ….. Now has anyone got any air freshener ?

  36. 40
    Perse O'Nally says:

    The pain I’m suffering now is nothing compared with what you lot are going to suffer.

  37. 41
    NeverRed says:

    ‘Piles’ of print are painful

  38. 42
    I Squiggle says:

    Right, Now where’s Mrs Bercow, I need to fill her in. *innocent face*

  39. 43
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Hold still Murdoch, there’s more to come.

  40. 44
    Judge Dredd says:

    Find Piers Morgan and KILL him.

  41. 45
    Plato says:

    Brian does his Monster Munch impression, to relieve the boredom.

  42. 46
    Operation Crossbow says:

    That Sally Bercow face cushion is really comfortable.

  43. 47
    The Village Idiot says:

    ‘Anybody want a spare copy of my report?

    I have piles round the back.’

  44. 48
    Chris says:

    Sorry, I think I have just issued a gagging order

  45. 50
    MJPS says:

    After excreting 2,000 pages hemorrhoids are making it difficult for the Lord Justice to sit down.

  46. 51
    Three Solid Wins - the people have spoken says:

    “mmmm, me roasaries…. If you had the chalfonts that I have got…”

    (clue – rosary beads and Chalfont St Giles)

  47. 52
    sir boffton toffton mp says:

    no comment

  48. 53
    Sir William W says:

    Levesoff………..at last.

  49. 54
    UKIP.i.am.legend says:

    Whoops. I just split my pants. I’m just off to do some underpinning. It won’t be suitatory underpinning.

  50. 55
    Anonymous says:

    Now, Cameron, behave or it’s 6 of the best!

  51. 56
    Sres says:

    Lord Leveson heads for the long grass…

  52. 58
    Jerf says:

    Sorry mate, someones sitting there.

  53. 59
    UKIP.i.am.legend says:

    Breaking news: 4,000 Parents in Rogeram have their children taken into care.

  54. 60
    UKIP.i.am.legend says:

    Leveson rushes off to join the final stages of “I’m a celebrity”. As one of the creepy crawlies.

  55. 61
    This blog is for sale says:

    Refernece your article in the Wall Street Journal

    So you are now taking shillings from Dirty Desmond and Capo Murdoch Guido?

    Can you fall any lower?

  56. 62
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I just wish I had Aitken’s sword and Archer’s brass neck.

    That would shut the press up.

  57. 63
    Lisa's pet says:

    I’m going to curl out a long ‘un.

  58. 65
    Harbottle says:

    Sorry, you’ll have to sort this out amongst yourselves-I’ve got some urgent business to attend to in Australia.

  59. 66
    LJB says:

    So if I’m to understand this internet thing, it’s “BADGER, BADGER, BADGER”? Oh sod it, just write they can do what they want

  60. 67
    Choocy says:

    After Cameron tells Leveson where to put his report, the Lord Justice regrets writing the 4th Volume.

  61. 68
    Leroy Jenkins says:

    “I was going to go easy on the Sun, until I found this whoopie cushion…”

  62. 69
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Anal-Retentive Gives Away 1987 Sheets Of Toilet Paper

  63. 70
    Anonymous says:

    Right Hugh I have held up my end of the bargain. Now no more stupid fucking movies with you playing some twat (yourself). Stumbling over your words because some dozy septic tart once put out is not comedy.

    As for you Coogan…get a hair cut and a real personality, not fucking variations on the same, tired, 1980′s characters.

  64. 71
    Chris says:

    Sheldon “Leveson, your in my spot”

  65. 73
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “After his latest attack on the press, Brian discovered a tack on his seat; no-one owned up to it, but Robert Jay QC was seen to be laughing up his sleeve…”

  66. 74

    Too late Brian notices Dave has been in before him and jammed the pan trying to flush a 2000 page report down.

  67. 76
    Three Solid Wins - the people have spoken says:

    Lord Leveson walks into Bernard Manning’s club in Manchester, and Bernard spots him, and he thinks, oh fuck, here we go, but Bernard the ever gentleman says to him “Welcome, come and sit by here Lord, we have some free seats at the front, come in, sit down”.

    And then Bernard says “There was this Lord that walked into a working mans club in Manchester, but no officer, we never knew his name – missing is he?”.

  68. 80
  69. 81
    Please don't let me win says:

    Cameron plagiarises ‘Life Of Brian’ quote….

    “He’s not a Lord – he’s a very naughty boy.”

  70. 83
    HOHUM says:

    Leveson Ate my Guido Post.

  71. 87
    Sir Novel Bean says:

    Underpinned Downunder

  72. 88
    HOHUM says:

    What a stink, I’d give it ten (months).

  73. 89
    odeston says:

    BREAKING NEWS: BREAKING WIND!

  74. 90
    Who Want's Some! says:

    I just need to readjust this butt plug, then we can proceed

  75. 91
    Andy Gray says:

    And I’ll leave you gentleman to deal with the stench.

  76. 92
    Jimmy F says:

    I do apologise, I’ve been on a Coogan diet and my arse has taken exception

  77. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Lord Leveson ‘yes this is me taking a big shit all over piers Morgan’

  78. 94
    Observer says:

    ‘Relief: even Brown would be proud of that’

  79. 95
    Latin 'O' level (failed) says:

    And this is my ‘anus horriibilis’

  80. 96
    Mr Rotivator says:

    What’s better legislation or no legislation? There’s only one way to find out!

  81. 98
    Shameus McCameron says:

    There’s a Klingon in my recess

  82. 99
    Shameus McCameron says:

    “Clear the room please !” I just have

  83. 100
    Shameus McCameron says:

    My arse is like most of the evidence given to this enquiry
    Full of shit !

  84. 101
    Shameus McCameron says:

    Backs to the wall everybody Mandleson’s up next !

  85. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Shit happens…..

  86. 103
    tlillis4 says:

    “As a well trained judge I always go on the papers…”

  87. 104
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Brian reaches for the softer, quilted, perforated, absorbent copies of his report.

  88. 105
    English Heretic says:

    Lord justice Leveson fails to achieve levitation for statutory regulation of the press.

  89. 106
    Frank Lynch says:

    I’ve either pappered me kecks or I’ve read an intelligent, balanced article by Guido Fawkws; nope I have sh*t meself.

  90. 107
    Dubya says:

    “That’s better out than in. What a stink, though!”

  91. 108
    Anonymous says:

    million pound shit

  92. 109
    Monty Burns says:

    Smithers, release the hounds!

  93. 110
    auld wan says:

    “That’s the second time today I’ve risen off a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand”

  94. 111
    subzerostore says:

    That’s another steaming turd squeezed out….. and i’ve shat on the chair

  95. 112
    Mr Plum says:

    Lord Justice Levitation, I thought it was a young Tebbit.

  96. 113
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Elmer Fudd – says “naaaaaa… whats up doc?”

  97. 114
    S.B.S. says:

    Who pinched the F*&%$+g bog roll?

  98. 115
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Brian Leveson says – “The phone-hacking lines are closed; I’m a celebrity judge get me out of here … on an all expenses paid speaking tour down under”.

  99. 117
    Mycroft says:

    If you thought the one I dropped earlier was bad… just wait ’till you smell this!

  100. 118
    Stepney says:

    Can someone get Stephen Fry out of my arse?

  101. 119
    Purpleline says:

    Drat! ‘If it wasn’t for those pesky kids, I would have got away with it’.

  102. 120
    nambawan pikinini bilong Misis kwin says:

    These blue turds are bigger and harder than you would think

  103. 121
    Sir William W says:

    Coming soon…..Rupert Murdoch’s Life of Brian.

  104. 123
    C.unts In Wigs says:

    Now, where’s my F*****g wig, it’s back to the serious money!

  105. 124
    C.unts In Wigs says:

    I’m off, F*****g “Raving Roland” Freisler never had all this trouble.

  106. 125
    STROPPYCOW says:

    Brian – give up love – everyone knows you can’t polish a turd.

  107. 126
    How Much? says:

    Stripped of all pomposity down to the simple “Brian” shows how ordinary but grossly and obscenely expensive these people are for pantomime.

  108. 127
    Parp parp says:

    That whoopee cushion was a bad idea Prime Minister.

  109. 128
    Antipo-dean says:

    I didn’t expect the Spanish inquisition!

  110. 129
    All Hot Air says:

    Master of the Lodge suddenly has to take his weight as he realises Piers Morgan has left a whoopee cushion on his chair.

  111. 130
  112. 131
    Leveson's Hot Air Balloon says:

    Leveson realises Murdoch’s get the last laugh with his Whoopee cushion prank.

  113. 132
    YorkshireLad says:

    I can always tell when Piers Morgan is around, my piles start to play me up

  114. 133
    Brian says:

    Well that was a f*****g waste of time. At least I’ll be showing this bunch of amateurs what expenses really are.

  115. 134
    nigel says:

    Fart in sideways

  116. 135
    Evan Alaff says:

    “Right, that one’s been crapped out. On to my next big jobbie”

  117. 136
    Levitating Leveson says:

    Leveson levitating trick fails to impress the hacks.

  118. 137
    I don't nee d no doctor says:

    Brian is less than amused by the whoopie cushion left by Kelvin Mackenzie.

  119. 138
    Money For Nothing and Chicks For Free says:

    Cutting edge, high tech, high speed digital photography, captures the moment Brian is off to cash his cheque!

  120. 139
    Patrick says:

    Any stories about skid marks and the editor’s going to swing.

  121. 140
    Sooty says:

    Leveson gently eases his way onto the hand of the puppet master.

  122. 141
    I don't nee d no doctor says:

    Brian practices his kangaroo jumping ahead of his antipodean trip.

  123. 142
    Doctor Jekyll says:

    Captured on film, the moment of facial transition from simple old Brian into his arch nemesis “Wrinkly Prune” Murdoch.

  124. 143
    Fur Trade Fare Trader of Fair Trade Comments says:

    I’ve licked this lolly as far as I can

  125. 144
    You Cannot Put A Price On Justice There Are Never Enough 0's available says:

    Brian gives that “who me” facial expression as the public reaslise he has just p****d 4 million UK quids up the wall. and is leaving a bit sharpish!

  126. 145
    I don't nee d no doctor says:

    Moments of the week.
    Ed Millionaireband now agrees to everything before he knows what it is.
    The silence from Patricia Hodge.
    The realisation that Question Time is only there for Dimbleby to vent his hatred of Cameron and the Tories. (See last nights episode if you need proof).

  127. 146
    Fur Trade Fare Trader of Fair Trade Applause says:

    Applause! You can fool all of the people all of the time.

  128. 147
    You Cannot Put A Price On Justice There Are Never Enough 0's available says:

    Now, what would be really great is if Brian, using his best judgement and casting to one side all that stuffed shirt nonsense and expectation of horrendous remuneration, was asked to pick the Friday Caption Contest winner.

  129. 148
    Ex Ex Ex Ah! Monika says:

    The mic may be on, but I’m off to play in the long grass.

  130. 149
    New Monika says:

    The mic may be on, but I’m off to play in the long grass.

  131. 150
    Shameus McCameron says:

    And this is what stand along Cameron thinks of my report !

    PARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP !

  132. 151
    Piers and The 50 Shades of Pink says:

    Piers me dears would you mind awfully extracting your pink feather duster, thank you old bean.

  133. 152
    Brian Does The Honourable Thing says:

    I am just going outside and may be some time!

  134. 153
    Who, me? says:

    “Very funny, Mr Jay. I suppose the whoopee cushion was a post-ironic comment on the tabloids.”

  135. 154
    The Red Chair says:

    Leveson about to be tipped over backwards by Graham Norton, the story was crap!

  136. 156
    Nobody important says:

    The Judge tells reporters that he has been “incommoded”.

  137. 157
    restore the monasteries says:

    Mr Jay, several million pounds of taxpayers money to divi out, woo-hoo,just for sitting on my now sore arse.Think i,ll fuck off out the country till it dies down.

  138. 158
    Anonymous says:

    wind from the willows

  139. 159
    skipson says:

    Come on then, if you think you are big enough

  140. 160
    Anonymous says:

    who put that whoopie cushion there? lets have an enquiry!

  141. 161
    Mollox says:

    Now don’t try this spiked-roller massage at home!

  142. 162
    Old Fart says:

    “My report touches on aspects of regulation, however right now I’m preoccupied by something that’s touching on cloth”.

  143. 164
    colin w. says:

    Whoops – that wasn’t the report I was supposed to introduce!

  144. 166
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    “Ahhhhhhhh ….thank God that’s out …..now please clean that up Cleggers”

  145. 167
    Gene Hunt says:

    “Oh sorry Mr Speaker I do apologise. I didn’t realise you were still in the chair.”

  146. 168
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    “Right Morgan …. outside …… now ……mano et mano”

  147. 170
    Eric Leach says:

    More breaking wind than breaking news.

  148. 171
    New Monika says:

    I’m a celeb now. I’m getting out of here.

  149. 173
    EC1 PhD says:

    The Liberal in me says let it go. The Tory in me says hold it in. Sadly, the Balls have the final say as to what mess is left behind.

  150. 174
    Brian Leveson says:

    I’m seriously fucking glad that’s over and done with…

  151. 178
    Gaston says:

    Yessssss! Right there Piers! Oh baby!

  152. 180
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Now that I’ve shit on the press I’ll flip my wings and fly away.

  153. 182

    That’s it. I shall now attempt to lift myself back out of the gutter.

    http://fxbites.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/so-lets-regulate.html

  154. 183
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    Whoever put that drawing pin under my arse has had it :)

  155. 184
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    My Back! Can you recommend a good masseuse, Mr. Grant?

  156. 185
    tauntonian says:

    Now for my statutory break!

  157. 186
    Buy him a box of bangers and a packet of sparklers says:

    ARISE! “oh that’s better”.

  158. 187
    spongsdad says:

    I don’t know whether Cameron will follow through: I certainly have

  159. 188
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I’m a bullshitter myself, but I love to hear Masters of the Craft at it, so pray continue!’

  160. 189
    illogical says:

    Temporarily seduced by the offer of Hugh Grant’s weiner on a kebab stick Leveson settles back realising he has already been skewered once during deliberations, and still carries the scars to prove it. Some Stain*s despite whitewashing are impossible to remove.

  161. 190
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Every time you appear. Mr Watson, I get this overwhelming urge to defecate. Inquiry adjourned!

  162. 191
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    every time you appear before me Mr Watson, I get an overwhelming urge to defecate. Inquiry adjourned!

  163. 192

    I shall, of course, attempt to get up myself: though one always requires a legal backstop to make sure it happens.

  164. 193

    OK everyone. Altogether: Stand Up – If You Hate The Press.

  165. 195
    its bleak in sunderland says:

    Mr Dodd how tcikled I am!

  166. 196
    Tom Catesby says:

    That’s it !I’m off to Aus’

  167. 197

    Ah. A whoopee cushion. Bloody Guido Fawkes…

  168. 198
    Rightallalong says:

    Leveson Report finds voicemail messages were probably automatically deleted.

    ‘So what was all the fuss about Judge ?’

    JL: ‘No questions !’

  169. 199
    robbie says:

    “You say YOU’RE hacked off?”

  170. 200
    Lewis says:

    I’m a celebrity get me out of here

  171. 202
    Lewis says:

    ##################################################
    caption redacted due to statutory regulation

  172. 203
    Peter Grant says:

    “I kept telling people I was looking for some rapid relief down under, and they send me a bleeding plane ticket to Oz!”

  173. 204
    Rightallalong says:

    Gawd ! That’s the last time I’m going out with you Max Moseley.

  174. 205
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Leveson – “Right that’$ it $erf’$! up … and I’m off to the beache$ of Bondi and Manly to watch the dollar$ c(r)a$h in on the bank$ of tho$e beache$ And, …..

    a$ the wave$ cra$h down I’ll be watching the whitewa$h $pin and $pray of them roller$ – G’day $ucker$.”

  175. 206
    Anonymous says:

    Dumping on Democracy, loved it, and now I’m a Celebrity — Get me out of here (Oz sounds fine for now)

  176. 207
    johnwardmedway says:

    This stance I am showing you represents David Cameron’s position on my recommendations: not fully up for it…

  177. 208

    guido headline:-

    “Lever-son” caught trying to levitate above owned chair loaned to him via camPdav.

    - latest – actually found to be levering at arms length – but not daves boy

    byline
    leverson mocks the chair dumped on
    by #cameraonstandby

  178. 209
    Stingray fan says:

    Anything can happen in the next half hour!

  179. 210

    ……further investigation showed leveson was actually trying to lift himself up by a chair he didn’t even own
    he hadn’t levitated at all
    it was all smoked before hit the daily mail or public mirror or became news of the world…

  180. 211
    owynnicolas says:

    “Well, that’s got that out of my system”

  181. 212
    Rootar says:

    Bugger. I thought it was just a fart.

  182. 213
    Rootar says:

    Christ on a bike ! That smells like something’s crawled up my arse and died.

  183. 214
    Barry says:

    I’m now passing my report, subtitled “The Wind of Change”.

  184. 216

    Anybody got a newspaper I can read while I have a sh*t

  185. 218

    The judge stormed off, pretending he misheard the question about tweets.

  186. 219
    Peter Grimes says:

    I can’t sit down properly because I’ve just dropped a four volume turd!

  187. 220

    “OK! Which one of you jokers put a whoopie cushion on my chair?”

  188. 221
    Who, me? says:

    Statutory press regulation is good; non-statutory press regulation is good. But which is better? There’s only one way to find out: FIGHT!

  189. 222
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    At last. Revenge on the Twitter Bird.

  190. 223
    Damned Impertinent Questions says:

    Get yer coat, Cleggers. You’ve have pulled

  191. 224
    Anonymous says:

    Dumped on all the idiot mainstream parties, and loved the fact that Ed Mili — brilliant speedreader that he is — professed to digest in only 2 hours, then accept “in entirety”, my 2,000 pages of X-Factor CV.

  192. 225
    Eugene Mc Daid says:

    Jasus l was dying for that!

  193. 226
    Athos says:

    “Fetch the bed-pan chaps, I feel another Annex on the way…”

  194. 227
    Anonymous says:

    Aw shit who published the latest news about Nick Glegg’s alleged involvement in fast tracking £12 million to his wifes charity?

  195. 228
    richard says:

    Brian, pulling up his pants, ” Flashman Dave didn’t like my report, that’s why he’s just given me a roasting on this damn radiator!”

  196. 229
    filipinomonkey says:

    Kill them!

  197. 230
    Crimea says:

    “At this angle, the squeeze isn’t so painful.”

    “I usually shit on people from on high.”

  198. 231
    Leroy_Jenkins says:

    No Idea if this is still open but had another idea:

    “Alright, which joker left this Statutory Underpin on my chair?”

  199. 232
    Crimea says:

    “Alan, it’s easier to squeeze-out the sanctimony from this angle.”


Seen Elsewhere

Another Feminist Lecture | Laura Perrins
UKIP Posters Bad Economics But Good Politics | James Delingpole
Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome
UKIPers Will Come Home in 2015 | Sun
Tories Set for Thrashing | Sun
Boris Announcement Imminent | Sun
The Case for Splitting Up CCHQ | ConservativeHome
Why UKIP Should Join a ‘European Union’. | Anna Raccoon
Dave’s Brush With Bed Bugs | Speccie
Farage: No Briton Could Be My Secretary | BBC
Dave and George Can Now Be Seen Together | Ben Brogan


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A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


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