Reform the House of Lords | Nigel Farage
Labour Members Don’t Believe Ed Can Be PM | Rafael Behr
How China Bought Britain | London Loves Business
Why Dave Shouldn’t Check His Twitter | Buzzfeed
Young People Getting More Libertarian | ConHome
How to Write a Dan Hodges Column | Left Foot Forward
Politicians Made This Mess | Douglas Carswell
Magna Carta – Walking in King John’s Footsteps | Anna Raccoon
How to Stop Reckless Bankers | Guido Fawkes
Tories Double Younger Support | Guardian
Public Prefers Boris to Dave | Times
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Andrew Pierce on Ed Balls…
“Porky Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls sweet-talked guests at a fund-raising dinner by saying if he wasn’t a politician, he would be a chef. That’s not surprising, since he was accused of cooking the Treasury books when he was Gordon Brown’s boot boy.”
UKIP Official Policy Dept says:
Bloody foreigners, coming over here taking all our twitter followers
Thieves in Parliament?
Surely some mistake?
Only two suspects Fatty watson or lard Prescott
Which one-eyed loon do we know who uses a thick black pen??
As it is not engraved into the fridge door it is not Gordo
It can’t be Gordy because he is never in the HoP
Or Useless Fatfuck Eric Pickles.
I demand a judge led enquiry!
F’ucking briiliant
. We used to piss about like this at Uni, now we behave like adults!!
Advice to Liz: spit on some black forest and laugh when the f’ucker steals that!
A mate of mine did that with a piece of chocolate cake.
Except it wasn’t spit it was garnished with. It was something that looked more like chocolate.
He was never sure who ate it.
Or get a mate to decorate with some ejaculate
The shadow front bench would come back for more!
Chris Bryant, Ben Bradshaw and all the other benders would want to gobble that muck up..
Much better to bite the sandwiches through the cling film and put them back – causes all sorts of personal dilemmas….. I mean, just how hungry are you for ‘YOUR’ sandwiches.
Some bastard did this to me once. The next sandwiches I left in the fridge had rat poison in them. It never happened again.
Lord Pattern seems to have got 10 jobs. Does it count as 1 or 10 when government announces increasing employment?
Pressure mounts on BBC boss Lord Patten as he is accused of ‘taking his eye off the ball’ while holding TEN other jobs
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2232678/Pressure-mounts-BBC-boss-Lord-Patten-accused-taking-eye-ball-holding-TEN-jobs.html#ixzz2CCetQHVH
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
Only TEN incomes ? Amateur !
Even more astonishing, eleven organisations actually employ and pay the useless and serial incompetent prick.
Is he contracted to do 3 to 4 day weeks for all 11 of the organisations? Has he found a way of creating time anomalies or has he cloned himself?
Oh the thought of more than one Fatty Pang – I am not going to sleep much tonight!
I trust we can rely on one of her colleagues to leave her something amusing tomorrow.
Who is Liz Kendall?
A hungry cnut
Liz, the first thing to do is to put your lunch in an insulated bag and keep it in your office. Then make some sandwiches with a highly flavoured mayo or similar, containing a good dose of sennokot.(other vile things are available) place in fridge, stand back and let the thief have diarrhoea. It is not your resonsibility as they have eaten something they shouldnt !
Time to call in the CIA, FBI and MFI.
What’s very, very sick about nicking food?
Some perspective please, Liz.
Don’t socialists think it is socially responsible to feed the hungry anymore?
Oh wait, they mean taking someone elses money and doing that, not using their own.
DFS?
And the Gumbay Dance Band and Prince Philip – they were part of the conspiracy too you know.
I’ve long suspected the Gumbay Dance Band.
No….. a judge led inquiry at least……
Obviously, Liz doesn’t consider that there’s been a mis-understanding, or that the cleaner chucked it out. No – somebody is a thief! Typical leftie…
All property including Liz Kendell’s lunch is theft,so I took it.
Well said comrade, from each according to their ability, to each according to their need and all that.
Isn’t this just wealth redistribution? She should be happy that someone fellow comrade has benifted from her labours.
Bread and jam and an orange does not need to be kept in the fridge.
Who paid for the fridge by the way – and the electricity to run it?
Didnt you read the note the thief pinned to Liz s note. Wake up !
Who is Liz Kendall?
¸.•*¨*•♫♪ You took the words right out of my mouth!!¸.•*¨*•♫♪
¸.•*¨*•♫♪ (It must have been while I was Google-ing her ¸.•*¨*•♫♪
Ah yes, she looks 14
Oh she would be one of mine then. Boaz.
14 would appear to be her IQ.
+1
An MP, apparently – I just Googled it. If I’d taken her lunch, I would have put something very very unpleasant in it, and placed it back in the fridge.
Ooooh !
I have never heard of her. But if she’s an MP then I have every sympathy.
Who with
Her constituency ???
Before becoming an MP, she wrote for CiF as a Social Policy Consultant.
http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/liz_kendall/profile.html
‘Social Policy Consultant’
aka
‘Someone who likes to boss other people around’
Or an overarching review!!!
The thief maybe needed something to feed his pet rat
Next time she should make a lasagne for lunch and put a hundred laxatives in it. That will put an end to that nonsense.
LOL!
A very hot chilli pepper in the sandwiches
Yet another troughing labour MP
Liz Kendall, Labour MP for Leicester West, saw her expenses rise by £40,021.
She said £114,521 of the £154,232 was for three full-time and one part-time staff in Leicester. She said: “That’s where the bulk of the money goes, not on my personal costs.
“Thousands of people want our help and we want to have the right staff to provide that.”
Everyone who votes Libor needs help.
Or shooting
I did it but I wasn’t in control. I’m all krazy! Just ask my shrink! Woop woop!
YEEE HAAAAAA !!
LOL epic!
Printed post-it notes!!
Hahaha – and a £10 invoice to exe’s for printing it!
They’re custom post it notes. Minimum order 4 blocks.
George Entwistle says it might have been him but if it was nobody told him and he cannot remember
She pays for their lunches too. The last food bill was on par with saving the Ethiopians from mass starvation.
Lunch is for wimps.
Yeah. Baby.
And gweed. Is good !!
Acting DG has just said Newsnight will be doing a hour long special
on this heinous crime as its all Fat*chers doing & no one else !!
Panorama will also be carrying out an indepth review as to the
repercussions
The Beeb Chairman Fatty Fang Pang & the (dis)Trust board fully support
such investigative reporting !!!
It was fatcher that stole her lunch
You gotta pick a packet or two-oo-oo….
Where Mc Shame ?
At the Fabian Society??
Down the pub with Fabian of the Yard (fond memories for our older viewers)
Ah yes.
Happy days
Evenin’ All
Andy crawfotd says…Hello George
yes & Coppers always got there man….who would always say
“Its a fair cop,Guv , I’ll come quietly”
He knew he would be going down for a stretch…..
If he couldn’t the time he wouldn’t do the crime………
But today….just look at our so called elected MP’s what
a shining examples of lying, thieving, hypocrisy they demonstrate
24/7.
Most of them should be banged up for a very long time……without
a reduction in the Prison term spent inside because they were MP’s
OR being able to enjoy all of the House of Commons Perks once they
are out of clink. Something they all do very frequently at present &
of course the fcuking Mug Tax payers are footing the cost as usual….
are there any current MP’s who actually pay TAX like the plebs are
forced to do, or do MP’s all find ways of fiddling the TAX back ??
Bless you Andy.
Shut It!!
cheer up luv it was only your lunch. You been robbin the electorate for years.
“Kendall grew up in Hertfordshire and attended Watford Grammar School for Girls. She then went up to Queens’ College, Cambridge graduating with a first in history in 1993. she has worked as Director of the Maternity Alliance charity, as a researcher for the King’s Fund, as an associate director for health, social care and children’s early years at the IPPR and has been a special adviser to two cabinet ministers, Patricia Hewitt and Harriet Harman.”
another one who has been sucking from the public teat for years. never done a honest days work outside the public sector !!
Does she know what a profit is?
Its in her bank account, whatever it is.
That’s why she needed a history degree – to help her remember when she last filled in her exes forms.
Someone that tellsya your future innit? Lika a gypsy woman at the fairground or a chancellor of the exchequer with his budget.
No – dat is a medium!
I am a large.
Yes I do no what a profit is, thank you, MR CLEVER CLOGS! That’s, like, Jesus or Moham-thingy, or Judas, I think…..
Close enough for an MP darling.
Very Clever LOL
A4E
British Aerospace
Atos
G4S
First Group
Virgin Rail
All sucking at the taxpayer’s teat?
Blimey! Just how many teats does this taxpayer have??
BBC too.
It was the baby eating government!
No PMQs today?
Lazy fuckers are on recess again till next Monday.
Bugger and I have flown back specially.
Claim it on ex’s Nad.
And these are the bar stewards who moaned about the antics of the publicity seeking scouser while they are skiving off for a quick holiday in November. What an utter shower!
1 ream yellow paper – £25
10 Hrs creative services – £300
Hire of meeting room to discuss fonts – £180
Food & beverage for above meeting – £280
1 x Contract quality proof – £80
Printing services (minimum run 5,000) – £175
2Hr Courier service – £95
+ VAT
I repeat for the hard of hearing.
There is no Plan B and this is result.
FTSE 100 5747.80
Down
-38.45 -0.66%
And triple-dip on the way…
And a great endless fucking crater when Miliwonk gets in.
FTSE 100 when Gordmong went: 4838.
Carry you the fu.ck on, Twatty The LieBore Troll! (5751 now)
Triple dip sounds like a sherbert fountain!
Difficult for ordinary families to put food on the table. Better scrap the BBC licence fee.
NASDAQ down 0.7%, DOW down 0.5%.
Evil tory scum!
Its started in England, Londonshire
The FTSE stood at roughly that level in 2001. IF that’s your yardstick of economic competence, you’re a biddable BBC time-server and I claim my £5.
http://www.google.co.uk/finance?q=INDEXFTSE%3AUKX&ei=956jUNimL-r1wAOlTg&hl=en
What sort of ingenuous tosser would put ANYTHING in a communal fridge! How bloody naive is this shadow minister? (What was it anyway? Tofu, bean sprout & falafel salad with a mung bean and wheat grass smoothie from Fortnums? On ex’s, of course!)
With this level of smarts on display, it’s no wonder they can’t get the big questions right, ffs.
i want ot know what the lunch was and the cost of it. come on guido get the perpertration to post a pic online for us poor taxpapers to laught at.
I myself had a can of chicken soup (85p) and 2 slices of bread. Total cost less than a pound. Also if you heat it at home you can put it into a vacuum flask and take it to work with you saving money !!!!
So MPs you can eat cheaply.
pleb
Someone stole my kitty litter
I get grumpy if I don’t get my early morning sausage.
Common ownership for the people
1. What type of saddo types a post it note?
2. I think I left £500, a cartier watch and a mulberry bag in the fridge – where do I claim?
Don’t give the cheeky b*tch ideas!!
“1. What type of saddo types a post it note?”
Someone with nothing better to do.
Somebody with obviously recognisable hand writing?
ahhh you must be Mac’No’Shame…in your current disguise as a transvestite
I claim my £5.00
Liz…look honestly I did not steal your Pork Pie however…
Fatty Pang was munching something it was prolly him
In any case it was horribly stale and tasted of stocking tops…err umm
or so I would imagine..
Why not stand up and use pariliamentary priviledge to accuse somebody close to no.10?
I can assure you it wasn’t me.
I definitely did not dispose of Liz’s lunch in the park.
Oh no.
Wish it finished
Liz Kendall
Room 101
So we’re looking for someone who likes food and hangs around MPs.
Any ideas?
Cyrill Smith ?
Were you thinking of a fortyish man with a grey streak in his hair, maybe?
Ed Miliband may be a lot of things, but I doubt he’s a lunch stealer– though I think that, after people having “eaten HIS lunch” all his life, he may have been tempted on occasion.
TWatson, I should think. Did he resemble a disintegrating Bunteresque figure, slight tics at the mention of the name “Murdoch”? Looks like a c.unt, talks like a c.unt? Types out post it notes?
Yep – The Fat owl of Westminster strikes again, young James!
It’s Tom Watson or I’m a banana.
{munch munch} ish washnert me…[munch munch}
Shurely “Glug, glug, hic!” for Di Abbott
Id have just spunked all over it and then watched her eat it
Then again I am a very sick individual
I’ll have whatever she’s having!!
She’s got AIDs.
Still want some
Not easy to get infected orally.
It happens, get over it.
All property is theft, Liz. It really isn’t your lunch so much as it’s that amount of food we allow you to have midday, barring a more-pressing need by someone else for it. That lunch may have made the difference between some poor staffer living or dying (some anorexic little bird with dysmorphia issues), and at a minimum may have been needed by a diabetic to regulate his/her blood sugar– or are you too heartless, too Tory, to understand?
Now be quiet, and we’ll say no more about it, there’s a good lass.
Talking about dysmorphia issues wonder if, Abbot,harman.ladyboy cooper and the eagle sisters suffer from that
No, dey don’t suffer from dysmorphia; dey suffer from datmorphia (for which there is no known cure)
Congrats on your promotion.
It took me 50 years to get to be a desk sergeant.
Rachel Reeves says ..although Im two sandwiches short of a picnic it wasnt me
Who is she?
Another useless cnut!!!
A Kendall fruit cake
There’ll be a special on tonight – we’ve been tweeting about this all day and whilst we cannot name names (identification is impossible as we can’t afford colour printing owing to the vicious cuts from this Tory led coallition), we will be telling everybody that it was a Tory wot dun it.
We have absolutely no evidence to support this and it is completely untrue but given the unique way that we are funded, it didn’t stop us last time and it won’t stop us tonight.
Thank you for your money – even those that are lower than vermin.
She should put a note on it saying:
” I have spit in these sandwiches” Ha!
Then when she returns she’ll find another note saying:
“so have I!”
rofl.
Mouth full of Pikey again, lass?
Am not tweeting currently, just sitting near the letterbox, waiting for a
summonsfan mail.Or the earth to open up and swallow you, my little poisoned chalice?
I think you’ll that it’s Silly S88LLY.
‘Sick individual’…..
They will be if she didn’t wash her hands after having a shit.
Hmm narrows it down to 600 odd…..voted there by…oh wait
It’s called wealth redistribution Liz, you are discriminating against someone less fortunate with less opportunities for lunch.
Was the sandwich Halal or Kosher ?narrows the field
Praise Halal.
Funny, I was under the impression that 648 clowns had stolen MY lunch, they took it and they will do it AGAIN!.
I think you will find that there only 644 clowns at the moment.
But I take it that figure does not include upcoming By-Elections, pending fraud charges etc,
Episode of ‘Friends’ – Ross having a breakdown because someone stole his sandwich.
Comma missing after the first ‘Very’ (possibly after the second ‘Very’ too; can someone comment on this?).
7/10.
“greatest’ mis-spelt too. Can someone comment on this?
0/10
So she actually went back to the fridge. Did she think it might be returned or what?
The lunth wath not thtolen.
It wath pwedithtwibuted.
We’ve ordered an individual fridge for each MP, with a lock, and a laser display screen on the front
Wouldn’t that money be better spent on a walk in microwave ovens?.
Hand writing expert needed – Fatson on the loose.
Bit more salt next time please Liz.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrp.
You cant have salt on it. Its bad for you
Give him the salt!
Pooh in a sandwich+pee in a drink and someone gets nasty sick. Usually puts a stop to such tricks!
Who Stole My Cheese?!!: An A-Mazing Way to Make More Money from the Poor Suckers That You Cheated in Your Work and in Your Life
I just confessed to it on Wikipedia but their bet said I was vandalising the site. How petty. Surely that’s better than vandalzing their fridge?
I’d eat more than her lunch though. Hairy pie anyone with a pinch of fishy aroma?