November 13th, 2012

Parliament Invites Lords to “Speed Date” Teenagers

Spectacularly badly timed:

Dear Lord ███████

Political Speed Dating Event – Thursday 22nd November

As part of Parliament Week 2012 we are holding a ‘Political Speed Dating’ event where a group of 13-16 year olds will have the rare opportunity to chat in small groups with current Parliamentarians.

The session will run at 10.30am to 11.45am in the Macmillan Room in Portcullis House, and it would be wonderful for the students if you were available to participate. We are inviting Members of both Houses from all parties and the event will involve up to 10 Members. We have extended the invitation to several members and I hope that you are able to participate.

Please contact me if I can provide any further information about the session, I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Dawn Hatch

Education Visits Officer
Education Service
Houses of Parliament

Well that was pretty poorly worded given the current climate.


  1. 1
    He'll end up in maximum security. Geddit?!!! I'll get me coat. says:

    John McAfee, the man behind the anti-virus company, is wanted for killing a US citizen, police say

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Come on, Portsmouth !

  3. 3
    Handycock says:

    13-16 year olds? I’ll be first in line.


  4. 4
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Come on, Portsmouth !

  5. 5
    this septic pile says:

    boy oh boy!

  6. 6
    jgm2 says:

    Get in there Portsmouth

  7. 7
    towerofbabble says:

    Down the Hatch!

  8. 8
    Jerry Paxman says:

    Abu: I’m home. Mrs Q: The hall still needs painting. Abu:*stares at camera*

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    This is pretty poor gutter writing considering it’s quite clear it’s not malicous

  10. 10
    Mcbasher says:

    I hope they all paid for their CRB checks.

  11. 11
    Sophie says:

    Omnishambles chosen as new word of the year by Oxford.

  12. 12

  13. 13
    Hamish Macbeth (@PCMacbeth) says:

    Well spotted

    You couldn’t make it up

  14. 14
    lol says:

    Better than

    Up the Sn@tch

  15. 15
    Gordon says:

    I’m completely doolally too you know. Aren’t you talking to me any more?

  16. 16
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Thanks, Schnorbitz. Now, anything to say about the BBC smearing your political opponents?

  17. 17
    HappyHour says:

    Shut up you immigrant loving t*osser. Once you can stand up for and protect our own coutnry’s heritage then you can have the moral stand to wish others the best for their holy days.

  18. 18
    HappyHour says:


  19. 19
    concrete pump says:

    Will there be Werthers…?

  20. 20
    Witch King of Angmar says:

    Come not between the Nazgul and his prey

  21. 21
    Nick Griffin says:

    I would like to wish all those celebrating Diwali today a very happy and peaceful Diwali!

  22. 22
    Plato says:

    He should be locked up, for developing shit software.

  23. 23
    Sophie says:

    Britain cannot really be called Milibands country.

  24. 24
    Witch King of Angmar says:


    Sent from my iphone (Mordor)

  25. 25
    Ed Miliband says:

    It simply beggars belief that some immigrants vote Tory – after all we have done for them.

  26. 26
    Tommy Cooper says:

    No matter how hard the Home Office try to deport the radical hate-preacher Abu Qatada, he just keeps coming back. Apparently, they had even more trouble with his brother, Abu Meringue.

  27. 27
    concrete pump says:

    Avast….why use anything else.

  28. 28
    Dawn Hatch says:

    Yes, you’re right, I could have phrased it better.

  29. 29

    One up the bum,
    No harm done!

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    Proper speed dating is great. Not with teenagers though, I hasten to add. Much better than online dating, which is only for weirdo’s.

  31. 31
    Angela says:

    We have ways of making you enjoy our German confectionary. Want to find out?

  32. 32
    concrete pump says:



  33. 33
    Sir William W says:

    The fact that MPs can take time off work between 10.30 and 11.45 am to get down with the kids tells you quite a lot.

  34. 34
    Horny Parliamentarian says:

    But they are over the age of consent, no?

    I voted to lower it so as to grope some more kiddies…

  35. 35
    MAC user says:

    What is anti virus software?

  36. 36
    Cicciolina says:

    The can Cum Dancing with me me when they are finished with the MPs…

  37. 37
    Maximus says:

    Great honey trap. Question is: who set it up? MI5, CIA, Mossad or FSB? We can safely rule out Number 10.

  38. 38
    Sir William W says:

    Sorry, paid retired MPs.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Does Lord Ashcroft know him? says:

    Police in Belize want to question US anti-computer virus software pioneer John McAfee in connection with the murder of a neighbour he had been quarrelling with, but they say he remains a person of interest at this time and is not a suspect.

    McAfee, who invented the anti-virus software that bears his name, has homes and businesses in Belize, and is believed to have settled in the country some time around 2010.

  41. 41
    Sir Peter File says:

    I can show them my early day motion…

  42. 42
    C Huhne says:

    Is ‘speed dating’ any relation to ‘court date for speeding’?

  43. 43
    This is all too much says:

    Educashion Visits Ocifer

    Says it all really

    After 13 years of Labour buggery, thuggery and skulduggery

    And two years of LibCon Omnishambles

    This is the dregs we are left with

    And these fuckwits are all paid by us…

  44. 44
    Tower Hamlets postal votes Ltd says:

    We vote respect these days Ed.

    But Kudos for your party letting us in

  45. 45
    General Petraeus says:

    I set it up…

    But at least I have resigned for shagging my biographer

    What else was she there for anyway?

  46. 46
    Defrocked Hansard Reporter says:

    Is that you Handycock?

  47. 47
    Sir William W says:

    They’re trying to groom impressionable young people and get them hooked on ‘politics’ (or ‘Filth’ as it’s known on the street) so that they can exploit them ruthlessly. Boys and girls, you may think that Filth makes you look grown-up and that you can handle it, but before you know it you’ll be slaving as an unpaid intern for some evil Mr/s Big(ish) or trawling the gutters of Westminster in search of a publicity ‘fix’. Just say no!

  48. 48
    Boom Tish says:

    The next governor of the Bank of England will be Guido Fawkes, the right wing political blogger, , if the chancellor and prime minister choose the candidate favoured by some senior regulators, government advisers, central bankers and bankers.

  49. 49
    Engineer says:

    Maybe it was dictated by Tom Watson; he seems to be very good at gutter writing. Mind you, nobody can check that assertion now, since he’s deleted most of his blog.

  50. 50
    Selohesra says:


  51. 51
    Her Grace the Only Lady Bishop says:

    We must engage with these kids

    and the environment

    We must no loger have a footprint

  52. 52
    Mac Book Pro says:

    What is a virus?

  53. 53
    Turn the world upside down and see the results says:

    So the jokes now will start with

    “As the Bishopess said to the Actor”….

    Shame really…

  54. 54
    see below says:

    Fuck off you c’unt.

  55. 55
    Feature Editor of the Tatler says:

    And micro Gouido will be sent to 10 Downing Street as punishment

    To let us blog freely….

  56. 56
    Is this a priority, really? says:

    “we can’t survive without insects”

  57. 57
    Redberry says:

    It’s the Festival of Lightweights.

  58. 58
    Linux user says:

    Don’t ask me

  59. 59
    Jabba the Hutt mp for Mid-Sussex says:

    Speedily buggering tight holes, that sounds like jolly good fun old boy.

  60. 60
    Question says:

    What did Cambridge choose? Nonce

  61. 61
    Feature Editor of the Tatler says:

    I think Dawn Hatch should be sent to join our Nads as penance
    for her fuckwittery

    These overpaid functionnaries should justify their salaries to the People…

    She would then be called Down the Hatch…

  62. 62
    Johann Hari says:

    I could.

  63. 63
    Hank the Cat says:

    Hello little boy, have you ever seen an MP naked?

  64. 64
    Redberry says:

    She’s talking about the House of Commons.

  65. 65
    Elephant & Castle says:

    Plod’s Filth round here me ol’ mate.

  66. 66
    The Little Fat German Bloke says:

    In the RC Church, it usually IS, “Said the Bishop to the actor,” if the truth were known.

  67. 67
    Kreatcherr says:

    To host such a shenanigan and boast about it, at a time like this, with such a poorly worded statement just goes to show how, clueless, out of touch and insulated from the world they like to think they own, these cretins actually are.
    They are totally divorced from reality and have absolutely no conception or understanding on how they appear…
    No sign of intelligent life there at all.

    That is not just dumb that is incompetence, ignorance and arrogance, they must be so proud!

  68. 68
    More Cheese says:

    Dawn’ll fix it for you. And you. And you.

  69. 69
    Susie says:

    Their old pimps and procurers are on the run from the law… never mind let’s get back to business and cut out the middle man, chaps.

  70. 70
    Sally Bercow says:

    I feel an Early Day Motion coming on…

  71. 71
    A Firm Pair Of Breasts says:

    Comments (69)

  72. 72
    Sally Bercow says:

    I’ll come any way you fancy Big Boy

  73. 73
    You're born: You live: You die. That is all. says:

    Dawn the Hatch!

  74. 74
    Norman Stanley Fletcher says:

    Won’t they be a bit old for your sick tastes?

  75. 75
    Norman Stanley Fletcher says:

    Are you sure you’re feeling all right, Ed? You mentioned the country that dare not speak its name.

  76. 76
    dunstall says:

    This will be self love then

  77. 77
    dunstall says:

    Mr Oaten has departed unforunately!

  78. 78
    Michael Fucking Parkinson says:

    I’ve met 100s of interesting people

  79. 79
    Mark Oaten says:

    Couldn’t have managed it anyway, I’m completely full of shit

  80. 80
    Major Bonkers says:

    Let’s hope these perverts all have their CRB checks up-to-date.

  81. 81
    Major Bonkers says:

    I’m worried that Lord Mandelson will put his hand up.

  82. 82
    Major Bonkers says:

    Jim fixed it for me.

  83. 83
    Rupert my Hero says:

    It is interesting that so many people in power, are so far removed from reality.

  84. 84
    Young Mr Grace says:

    Lord Greville Janner got in trouble for dating that 14 year old boy so I don’t think it’s a good idea.
    (It all got hushed up though).

  85. 85
    Michael Barrymore says:

    Pool party?

  86. 86
    old biddy says:

    if parker pens had been called something else you wouldn’t have got the gig.

  87. 87

    cool people smoke fags

  88. 88
    Anna says:

    “Well that was pretty poorly worded given the current climate.”

    Maybe, but on the other hand there’s an awful lot of hysteria.

    I don’t doubt that some youngsters were seriously abused. I also don’t doubt that the usual low-lifes are trying to cash in.

    In the mid/late sixties when I was 17 and travelling twice a day on packed standing-room-only rush-hour London tube trains, I assumed that being groped was thrown in with the ticket price. In such cattle-truck condidtions it was often hard to identify the perpetrator but when I could, oh boy did I enjoy stepping back heavily with a stiletto-clad foot and hearing the ensuing howl of anguish!

    Sometimes I feel positively deprived that it didn’t leave me with any traumas or hangups, and absolutely didn’t spoil my life. Maybe I should sue someone for not spoiling my life enough?

  89. 89
    Anna says:

    Oh dear, just to clarify…

    I know perfectly well that most men are pillars of rectitude (sort of ;)) and they are all lovely. It is only a very sad minority that go groping.

  90. 90
    Anal Discharge says:

    Bugger me and pass a butt wipe.

  91. 91
    Sir Peter File says:

    One prefers the fist

  92. 92
    Ima Linux User says:

    ..and a smug bar steward to boot!

  93. 93
    Ima Linux User says:

    ..sounds like a part of shooting script for series 3 of The Office!

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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