Exactly a fortnight ago I took Nadine out for chateaubriand – tonight not looking so tasty #iamaceleb—
Tim Montgomerie (@TimMontgomerie) November 13, 2012
So from a landline it's 09020 44 24 10 #ImACeleb #TeamNads http://t.co/bRu4kYKa—
Matt Chorley (@MattChorley) November 13, 2012
If Dave Were President He’d Have Resigned By Now | Alex Wickham
Loongate: What Happened in the Blue Boar Bar | Simon Walters
Lib Dems Should Support EU Referendum | LibDemVoice
Feldman’s Denial | Fraser Nelson
Obama’s Presidency is Imploding | Nile Gardiner
Miliband Could Be a Great PM | Thomas Pascoe
What Are You Really Paying in Income Tax? | TPA
Galloway’s Mad Month | The Commentator
Murdoch: Facebook is the New MySpace | Telegraph
Clegg’s Manifesto Referendum Pledge Spin Unravels | ConHome
Coalition Here to Stay | Ben Brogan
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Tom Harris bemoans the public’s attitude to politicians…
“Mr Oborne echoes the lazy, anti-politics whine we hear so often these days, all based on the absurd notion that politicians were once loved and only fell out of public favour during the expenses scandal. He should take a walk to the Strangers’ Bar. But not to sup with the patrons he seems to despise so much, dearie me, no; he should instead look at the paintings on the corridor outside the bar, which depict the devastating fire which consumed most of the Palace in 1834. And he should reflect on the fact that on that dramatic night, as the Commons went up in flames, a crowd gathered on the South Bank to clap and cheer.”
The thing that Dave needs to work out is which group is more likely to vote Conservative. Mad swivel-eyed loons or mad homosexuals wishing to get married.
Are you having a Barclays, Guido?
Was Jimmy Mc Alpine alive when scallywag publised its story…if he was it might explain the outher Alpines silence..
Yes
No problem. I’ll keep throwing up the smokescreen.
I take it her pay is being docked while she is not working for us?
Ha ha haha ha ah…you’er new hear arnt you
Hi Mark. Didn’t get lost on the way to this site then.
Being given to charity
Looks like a good place to park me bike.
Camel toe or bacon butties, which is better? Harry Hill can find out for us.
I see no camel toe !
Muff diving, Live on TV? well muff eating any way
not sure that will go down well in beds?
Most comfortable place to do it….
Certainly better than ‘itchen in Beds
‘itchen is in ‘erts.
Tonight, we have an exclusive report! Not sure on what. I’d ask Tim Davie but he said he’s never heard of Newsnight before. Funny. That’s exactly what George said too.
Ceylon/Sri Lanka Tamil human shields, wasn’t it? Took them a while to report that. Maybe due to cuts at Newsnight, to pay for all those hyper-inflated wages those dogs upstairs at Shepherds Bush pay themselves for sitting on their fannies spouting hot air in sky blue thinking meetings.
2012 beeb spoof comedy was very close to home, wasn’t it? My favorite episode and clip of it,
Should that be two separate sentences?
She can eat her own shite!
Is that you, Ms Abbot?
Why have you adopted the name of the most popular pressure group in Guildford?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/mediatechnologyandtelecoms/9674216/ITV-revenue-jumps-as-production-offsets-flat-advertising.html
It’s the end of the TV-Tax as we know it,
and I feel (better than) fine.
RE: The Real BBC Scandal Is About Socialism | Business Insider
Should we be calling it British Leyland Broadcasting?
Because its main commercial opposition is a load of American crap run by a bunch of sociopaths?
Meanwhile, I’m fed up about this Abu Qatada chappie. We’ve got armed plods wandering around airports and millions of CCTV cameras watching ordinary innocent British citizens, but we can’t deport a known terrorist agitator back to his own country.
Does all this mean I am a totally useless waste of space?
I’ll get back to you after I’ve finished chillaxing.
Well cheer up Dave …I mean your not a peedo are you. So thats alright then..I have a spare bedroom for you when you decide to run and hide..(Nudge nudge)
I’ve told you before Mark — DON’T TALK TO WETS
Ow ow ow sorry mum…when can I come back to UK…I really miss arms dealing and setting up coups…
Do you want me to arrange a rendition trip to Guantanamo?
Yes – for you
Ughh No Tone.
So Cameron is ‘fed up’ with Qatada! – Di Dums – we’re [The public] all fed up with him
So why don’t Cameron and his FO honcho Haige and the Home Office – do a little bit of what ‘we don’t do’ – according to Jack Straw and Daivid millipede – like a nice little rendition [after abduction] flight to Jordan – ergo problem solved and deny that we [Government] do do rendition flighs.
“Torture” – Had to laugh at the inverted logic of the ‘we don’t do torture’ to get statements out of people [just get others to do it for us - like Ghaddafi eh] protestations by so many!
Get your Finger out from up your useless bum Cameron – “fed up” – then do something about it you procrastinating useless low-life bullingdon twat.
As for your walk around Bristol promoting your tory candidate for the PCC – don’t you want to mention the now exposed Dorset tory candidate Nick Nick King who has been selling himself as some kinda big businessman while he hid [Only days ago exposed into the public domain] desperately attempted to ‘hide his CCJ’s’ from the Dorset Public?
David – get your finger out.
Bullet in the back of the head will sort it
Theresa May might have proven herself utterly incompetent but that does seem a bit harsh.
You’re the Prime Minister right? So grow a pair, stick the tosser on a plane to Jordan and stick two fingers up to all the bleeding heart liberals. If Abdul wants to appeal let him do it from a Jordanian prison cell and pay for his own expensive lawyers. At the same time ship his entire bloody family over there with him as we wouldn’t want to deprive him of a “right to family life” would we.
You might even get elected with a majority next time around
We have heard no more about Hush Puppies, Portaloos and water lillies.
May I just say this…
These “Ward /dormiTORY” creepers are worn for a very genuine medical reason
The Children cant’ hear me approaching (I have no desire to wake them) and they allow the nursing staff to sleep soundly whilst surrounded by chocolate boxes and empty takeaway debris
And “Hush puppy” is the way that I always greet my younger constituents when good old uncle Ken catches them by surprise
I hope that we can all now move on from this noncesense
Ken
Be very careful what you express you fool! You to could end up with more than egg on your stupid face
When I were a lad, they were known as ‘brother creepers’. Plus ne change pas?
*brothel (oops)
Please don’t mention Portaloos
Typical nurse
Massive arse
Will not eat nutricious food
Sense of entitlement
Leaves her place of work when needed
Massive arse
Runs away from bugs rather than killing them
Massive arse
Doesnt know her fat arse from her bingo wings
Massive arse
Inclined to steal and hector
Oh and did I mention that she has a massive arse?
I wish i knew the truth about Nads being a nurse. Its been said she was a nurse between age 16 and 19 that means she cant have been qualified at all. Does anybody know exactly what she was.
Wet nurse, perhaps?
Studying her gusset I noticed her crack.!
She was my understudy in some very tasteful artistic videos
She dressed up as a nurse. Corrrrrrrrr I am just taking myself in hand.!
16 you say, way to old for me. So not guilty on that one.
Sixteen? That’s more MY style. I would have taken your rejects, Jimbo.
Boaz.
Well Mike I left you thousands I say thousands of those old sixteen’s
so take your pick..
So you need three years to learn how to wipe arses, feed the infirm and keep a tidy and clean ward?
Three years less life expeirnce than Clegg/thelisping mong and that photocopier salesman have ever had
Now she’s been seen eating bollocks. Call me Dave must be drinking more than normal.
Can we meet up sunshine?????
When are we going to get a picture of your camel toe Nads? I can’t hold myself in readiness much longer.
More important when are we going to get a close up of Nad’s nip’s
hopefully in a wet tee shirt. Cor, just got stiff.
‘The Long Parliament’
‘The Barebones Parliament’
‘The Omnishambles Parliament’
GCSE History from next September
No chance of any TV cover I’m afraid. All our history programmes are about the Third Reich.
We can’t waste valuable schedule time on Uncle Joe, Chairman Mao, Pol Pot, or any other of the many murderous leaders, let alone the story of our own ConLibDum crappy little shambles.
So why pay a bunch of half wits to sit at a desk and talk a load of bollocks 24/7
You forgot the Rump (y pumpy) Parliament. Got to keep the history books up to date!
(You can take rumpy pumpy in more than one way too!)
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5g6iPjRwnXQLTKtRBNjT4RDpLc1rA?docId=CNG.f94755bf1c96d71948c8a0b1e2c0e8e1.811
“The Church of England is cooperating”
Thank God for that, at least…
The C. of E. are mere amateurs in kiddy fiddling compared with our fully experienced Priesthood.
“The Conservative MP running the party’s byelection bid in Corby has been secretly filmed apparently supporting the campaign of a rival candidate.
Chris Heaton-Harris, who is campaign manager for the Tories in Corby, was recorded saying he encouraged an anti-wind farm candidate to join the election race against the Tories, adding: “Please don’t tell anybody ever.”
At least he wasnt caught on tape with his hands down a girls pants
In the Conservative party that is instant career suicide,however,
We are all in favour of all boy fondling lists
This is high treason
Our future unearned income depends on my Daddy’s huge windfarm shebang…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2027708/Samantha-Camerons-father-nets-350-000-year-subsidised-wind-farm.html
We are so ecologicial you know…
I would ride her!
Fucking shame is I cant get a bridle and bit that would fit her head
Camerons idea of seduction is probably to open his palm, stick a carrot in it, then get a sugar cube and present it to her slippery hay smelling lips
Works everytime with women like that
Just ask Mike Tindall
“he encouraged an anti-wind farm candidate to join the election race”
give the man a medal
I am jealous of Nads
She is outdoing me in fuckwittery
Who would have though it possible?
I want to see Nadine bent over a log with her pink knickers around her ankles.
Have you notice how photoshopped the publicity pics were ? she looks huge on tv.
Transverse or length wise pose for the logarythym
Is that you Prezza?
Haven’t heard from you for a while….
Still getting it up old chap?
Will you take a tasty young policewoman over her desk when you become commander in chief of Police Forces north of the Humber?
I could quite go for this celebrity in jungle lark. I quite fancy a couple of buckets of invertebrate for brecky. And some snake..I love a good long snake…An’ some koala bollocks. oh yep..a plate of ‘em do me nice fer me tea.
Will no one mention Helen’s melons?
Keep it clean.
Just because I sucked on a few fags in my days….
No let me finish !!!
And the fact that my wife looks like Mr Kiplings bit on the side
Does in no way justify accusations that I enjoy juggling sessions with teenage boys
Contrary to popular belief I enjoy JAZZ sessions not JIZZ sessions
See you in the house of frauds
You would, wouldn’t you.
i would once all the insects were showered off
me
cant we have some proper news
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/9676213/Commons-speaker-John-Bercow-accused-of-trying-to-rig-board-of-MPs-expenses-watchdog.html
at it again
Guido
I want you to know that I secretly admire Our Nads
I have told Dave that I will let her off with a slap on the wrist
Perhaps she can renew the contact between the Tory party and the British people which seems to be sorely lacking at the moment
More than a slap on the wrist is required. I suggest an application of Sam’s best riding crop on her rump.
Are you calling me a fat buttock?
Well what an omnishambles (new term) for the Beeboids,what an absolute pigs ear they are making of this.
They are all at the blame and stabbing in the back game,when oh when is someone in this management bloated outfit going to stand up and be counted.
Is Patton the correct person to be in charge of the beeb trust,well so far absolutely not,in that he seems to blow fair weather and foul,but he is well paid for his invaluable opinion.
This left wing shite organisation needs to be disbanded in that years ago they ceased to be impartial and were infested with left wing assholes who were the product of liebour lies and spin.
My hope is that if we can cut through all this attempted cover up of children being sexually abused wherever it took place then we might as a country gain some respect.
Our national broadcaster if they were involved in anything like child exploitation is an absolute disgrace and whoever was involved needs exposing and needs to face the full rigour of the law.
IT IS OUR GOD GIVER DUTY TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN AS THEY CANNOT PROTECT THEMSELVES AGAINST MATURE SEXUAL DEVIANTS WHO WANT TO EXPLOIT THEM.
For some reason your last sentence reminds me of the posturing of Catholic bishops and the subsequent exposure of their own personal deviant behaviour.
They were also raving fanatical lunatics,enough already of these amateur dramatics, you are giving me a headache saffy.
I am sorry but the problem is that you think this country is a respectable place.
Having been to many, so called underdeveloped, countries the difference is obvious. Get away from the hotels and the airports and find the people. They care for their children. Some have some strange ways (in our view) to care, but it is still care, as they consider the children as the future.
We even had a head of the CBI condemning generally all the UK young and demanding the import of other peoples children. His message was that the UK will not survive without them. Our children were defective. What did that message do to a whole generation?
As we can see in the BBC farce, there is no one left with any integrity. The Judicial system has never had integrity, only opportunity for gain. The political system is a vacuum of honesty. Now where is that leader with strength that emerges in a crisis. The one that would do well as a dictator, and gets to the top only when a crisis occurs and none of the weak want the role?
See, this is what I was saying all along, the “Fuhrerprinzip,” but all you wallies were too scared.
What’s the blue thing next to her fanny?
An aquatic lesser camel-toe Gopher.
My glans.
What a sad cow.
Are you talkin’ bout me, den?
Don’cha farkin’ start on me mate..i’ll smash yer farkin’ face in..
{Sent from my husband’s taxpayer paid for ipad.}
……I would……………….
……I have………………..
I’ve been very quiet on Twitter of late…..just one quick retweet…
My favourite colour is red. Red like my daddies politics.
Actually, they were more yellow than red..So yellow it is…wait! Of course not..my favourite colour is gold..gold gold gold..and Brown of course. Coz that’s me name..Mr Brown..
Actually how about I just mix red, yellow, brown and gold together..what colour does that make?
So, as we suspected, you had more than one daddy.
Notice something? I never called for a judge led inquiry or for anyone to be ‘resigned’ at the BBC.
I’ve been strangely silent.
Predistribute that immediately !!
I bet Klass is already in court seeking an anti-stalker order.
Why does he always look as if Jimmy Savile is stood behind him ?
Ed Idemandaninguiryband is even more socialy inept than McMental
Raw fear every time a camera is pointed at him
Stood next to Myleene Klass my hand would be right on her arse and doing that second finger down the crack thingy that we all do
At Least Prescott knew how to molest a woman
Yeah !!
And I also know me way around hushpuppies the food– good God, I could murder about three dozen right about now, with a little malt vinegar on ‘em and a Newcastle Brown Ale to wash ‘em down– that’s for me!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hushpuppy
Ah know what tha meeans,but in mah case it ud be 14 pints o yorksheer ale.
They dont make a sound on your late night rounds
Sound as pounds
Clarkes the shoes you only buy once
Just after you have decided to be a nonce
Fiona Bruce really acting the News tonight. . Isn’t she too old yet?
I bet she pays more tax than Starbucks
Don’t bet on it.
Yes, “acting” sums it up nicely. She is without doubt the worst of the newsreaders, forever hamming it up. Just read the bloody stuff woman – how hard can it be?
Guido’s Asylum is now closing for the night.
Regarding the BBC if cammoron grew a pair and if he had any sense he would realise how much of a millstone is around the tories neck due to this bunch of lefties.
Cammoron grow up,stop being PR/PR/PR and photoshoot and start to see the forest from the trees.
As lots of your backbenchers are now telling you,are you intent on destroying the tory party to let in a bunch of commies which is a failed ideology,as we have seen.
If that is so then my friend you are no leader of this nation and the sooner you are replaced by a proper conservative the better.
In your dreams. Cameron is an invertibrate.
So what do we look for?
An outvertibrate?
A Convertibrate?
A pervertibrate?
A culvertibrate?
A divertibrate?
A revertibrate?
A jelly fish will do, anything except an exoskeletal or endoskeletal Cameron. An amoeba even.
Did you see her eating anus.
Made me smile and fart at the same time. Bliss.
“Did you see her eating anus.”
Whose?
Its part of the job darling
Anal PIE (yes you Harman at the back)
My solution is to wall them in
They can only drink Thames water (the raw stuff) and slowly starve to death if they don’t eat the execrement posted through a charity hatch
And when they have had enough we slowly feed them through a band saw
Sideways(the bandsaw must be coated in phosphourus)
The really delusional ones should be thrown (covered in bacon) to the big cats at Regents park zoo before paying Chinese tourists
We could pay the national debt off in a week
Would you allow a one-way (in only) door for lawyers, bankers, estate agents, Europhiles etc?
Why has Emily Nomate’s frock got a zippper just above her tits?
So you can pull it down and see fuck all, just like newsnight.
Because all the Buttons have gone into panto rehearsals?
Not bad at all.
Is there really 23 thousand people employed at the bBBC?
What on earth do they all do?
Sitting behind a desk practicing talking a load of bollocks,
hoping to be selected as a no news presenter.
Twittering and tweeting(oh….AND updating their facebook page)
Checking that the audience for Question Time are carrying their Labour Party membership cards – no card, no admittance.
I am sorry to hear about Mrs Moran’s poor health, I hope she gets well soon.
I am a doctor.
Don’t listen to him, he’s talking out his mouth again.
Well that came as a surprise. Lembit Opik was on Newsnight discussing Nads and he praised her and her decision to go on I’m a Celebrity. He even said it’s a disgrace the way she’s disrespected by some people in the Commons and said she’s brave to go on the show.
Also a piece about Polly Toynbee wanting soap writers to introduce political issues into their story lines, soviet style. Jeez, lefties are so fucking thick it makes you weep.
But he never said she would get a boot in the arse at the next election.
Funny how taking the piss out of plebs puts you out of a job.
So chateaubriand’s what they’re calling it nowadays is it?
I wouldn’t say no to a Bishop’s Finger.
How about some ladies fingers…
chat = cat
eau = water
brian = a well know legal entity
d’s = what come after c’s.
sounds like an expensive meal.
I wouldn’t mind a soapy tit wank from her.
I tried it with a bird with fried eggs once, a total waste of time.
I get more pleasure doing it Jimmy style: Flat top and under sixteen.
I’m disgusted by this government! Not sure what about! My default position is to be disgusted by this government! Look, I have to think of something to type on my laptop from my balcony in Tuscany.
My street name is ‘knobhead.’
Is that near Dickhead.
Can I just add that I have investigated Nadine Dorries’ involvement in this programme thoroughly. My investigations included an all-expenses trip to Australia in which I spent a very agreeable week in Canberra in the company of friends on the Australian Supreme Court.
In conclusion, I have decided to clear Nadine of all wrong-doing. Furthermore, after watching ‘Dark Charisma’, the BBC programme on Hitler, it is clear that Herr Adolf Hitler was in no way culpable for the Second World War and in fact the German Chancellor was completely innocent.
Furthermore, I wish to announce the posthumous acquittal of Fred and Rosemary West.
So thats a good night from Fred and a good night from Rosemary.
Good Night the Beeb is shutting down now viewers.
Oh do shut up you Establishment New Labour twitty ponce!
What I do find encouraging about Nadine’s involvement in the jungle programme is that it does bring to wider public attention the attractions of khaki.
If we go back to the Middle Ages, khaki was worn all of the time, and even in the early days of Australian bush-whacking, khaki was THE garment of choice.
It’s obvious that this flexible, versatile, low-cost option is the key to a couture revolution.
What a shame other politicians are not following Nadine’s lead and wearing khaki in the House of Commons. Even that silly Bagshawe girl might make a comeback if there was a rise in the fashion stakes!
You are taking the pith?
Khaki (pronounced cacky) was named after regular “accidents” involving Colonial staff in the tropical wastes. The perfect colour to hide the shitstaynes.
Not a lot of people know (now knew) that.
Just how did this slapper get so fat?
I enjoy a doughnut
A bowl of hot chocolate and a croissant
Toast and honey (with butter)
Uberfat channel Islands milk
And that’s just to start the day
However, have a flat tummy
It just passes after your body has taken what it needs
This lumpen swamp thing obviously eats tampons and McDonalds on expenses
Stick her in a cage over a BBQ and a P45
You Bitch
It’s in the glands. Like the way all this marketing low fat when the actual problem is hormonal signalling with sugery carb only drinks with no protein or fat. Carbohydrate only drinks are poison, sends the insulin signalling sites in the body nuts, therefore some people pile on the weight. Sorry if that is too biological technical. Fat puts on less fat, even though it is high in calories – sounds stupid, but it is true.
Fucking hell, I’m sick of this celebrity jungle shite. Even the Mail runs it. Arse!
So go finger your own anus then tosser
You are a fake !
There are only two Peter Hitchens
Me and that Bufoon who runs a North Wales kiddie fiddling ring
Fuck this we are of to bed
That’s the Baby-Buggering Corporation for you – promoting gay marriage since 1952.
We knew nothing about it.
There was a lady
Who drove a taxpayer’s Mercedes
And went to the jungle for love.
Gold is her God
She’s as fat as a sod
But I’d give her one up her fat bum.
So mid Bedfordshire
Knows politicians are queer
I’m a voter get me out of here.
Oh dear! They do get a bit over-excited here sometimes.
Still, they have all tired themselves out now.
Now what was the serious point? Ah yes! Shutting down the BBC.
At least this guy seems to be pushing in roughly the right direction :
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9676256/Job-done-on-wind-farms-says-John-Hayes.html
Grow a pair, Dave, and tell the Limp-Dumbs to fuck off.
How come Gore hasn’t been sectioned yet ?
Or is that not what they do the other side of the pond ?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2012/nov/13/al-gore-barack-obama-climate-change
Climate change is too far gone now, humanity is now too far out of control. In a few years the Arctic Ocean will be such, and ocean of water, and not ice, and then we will be in big trouble. Sorry to doom mong.
Blimey ! They’re not all locked up here yet either.
‘Climate change’ has fuck all to do with hurricanes. There is a well established pattern of intensity and frequency of hurricanes. It follows a sixty or so year cycle. The US has data going back almost 200 years and knows this but these cynical anti-scientists never lose an opportunity to blame an isolated weather event on ‘global warming’.
Song for Apps, for your pocket sized bunch of electronics and software, that will be put into the recycling bin in a year,
Did I just hear something growl? ‘Strewth!
This seems particularly apt right now :
Pay attention, Dave.
Totty Watch!
Mine’s a Casio.
Are you dead yet?
But I told you all yesterday to short everything.
This mornings unemployment figures will be shit !!
FTSE 100 5755.29
Down
-30.96 -0.54%
If the unemployment figures are up the market should go up because it will prove that with fewer people producing the same amount we are more productive .
At times I do not think you know what you are talking about .