November 12th, 2012

BBC Director General Runners and Riders

Given that George Entwistle effectively pocketed almost £8,500 for each of his 53 days as Director General, there will be no shortage of candidates for the job. Guido gives you his own take on the runners and riders:

  • Craig Oliver – The former BBC man turned embattled Downing Street comms chief is under pressure in his current job after a seemingly endless series of media foul-ups from the PM. Last week’s This Morning debacle will hardly have helped. This solution will work well for all concerned.
  • Andrew Neil – Experience running Sky as their founding boss. One of the Beeb’s finest  inquisitors, Brillo would surely get to the bottom of all that has been going on. Would need to remain on screen though.
  • Andrew Marr – Handy Andy is a BBC stalwart and earned praise for his grilling of Lord Patten over the weekend. Is expected to rule himself out over alleged indiscretions in a Soho bar.
  • David Dimbleby – A legend at Broadcasting House, Dimbers has graced our screens for decades. Making the step up would mean hanging up his Question Time boots. He certainly made the case for himself on Today this morning.
  • Kelvin MacKenzie – It could be argued that more 90s-style tabloid hackery is just what the BBC needs. There would be none better for the job than Kelvin. Understands popular journalism.
  • Piers Morgan – The CNN host might soon be out of job if his US election coverage was anything to go by. Certainly has the experience in the media, though a future court date is the last thing the BBC needs. 
  • James Murdoch – An outside bet but one that would certainly stir things up. Has a proven track record of successfully running major media corporations and dealing with scandal. They could hardly do worse…

Let battle commence.


  1. 1

    None of them women, or, indeed, PD James…


  2. 2
    Kebab Time says:

    Has to be Gordon Brown!


  3. 3
    WastedJoker says:

    John Humphrys?


  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    How about the Murdoch thaT


  5. 5
    Choo Choo Portaloo says:

    That little tinker @afneil surely has to be a shoo-in. Dimbers is a no-no; very unprofessional how he overruns QT every week, taking Neil’s This Week airtime away from him.


  6. 6
    Anonymous says:

    How about the Murdoch that actually likes the BBC, Elizabeth?


  7. 8
    dunstall says:

    Polly Toynbee then it will be F…..D!!!!!!!!!!


  8. 9
    robbie says:

    Try and be serious for once.


  9. 11
    concrete pump says:

    It’s got to go to the Scots scouring pad……


  10. 12
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    I feel pretty sure it will be none of the above.


  11. 15
    Ex Ex Ex Ah! Monika says:

    Patten says that THE interview was equivalent to evidence being obtained under torture.


    • 222
      Anonymous says:

      What did Fatty Pang know about the Newsnight programme and when? He seems to have been more in the loop than Entwistle yet seems to have asked no questions. Another smug *unt who needs disembowelling.


  12. 16
    Roscoe Rules says:

    As the BBC appears to have gained special protected status,maybe they can announce the selection of a new director general by means of coloured chimney smoke.


    • 27
      None of the above says:

      And probably accidentally burn the whole place down. Result!


      • 112
        BodMot says:

        No BBC = 4 billion tax cut.


        • 128
          Roscoe Rules says:

          Child abuse,cover up,deflection and smears,all supported by a dogmatic bunch of loyal followers who believe the institution has a god given right to exist.
          This isn’t a new director general we are getting but a fucking pope.


  13. 17
    None of the above says:

    Abu Qatada. That way they can just continue there anti 1sreal leaning no problem


  14. 18
    Penfold says:

    They can all F.O.
    The BeeB needs an outside candidate, who will sweep the Augean Stable that is the BBC, removing deadbeats, bias and management layers, whilst making people accountable, which will be a novelty for the employees.

    As for Piers, he’s going down for phone hacking…..


  15. 21
    muggins says:

    It has to be Andrew Neil, the only objective one amongst those.


  16. 22
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Tony Blair, the BBC needs someone who can stop the traffic. I see the stand in DJ got a strop on with Sky News and stormed off. Got the video yet Guido?


  17. 23
    Steve32 says:

    I don’t get much of a salary, but I would willingly have it reduced by two thirds, if Kelvin MacKenzie were to be made DG of The BBC! It would be the best thing that happened to anyone or anything ever!!


  18. 24
    Vulturous scum at Edinburgh University profiting from a corpse says:

    None of them. Germaine Greer would make an excellent DG.


  19. 26
    This Week says:



  20. 28
    Call me Dave says:

    I nominate Tom Watson


  21. 30
    BBC,Guardian,Labour party revolving door job club says:

    The candidate’s for new BBC director general we have….in the left corner Andrew Marr,In the left corner David Dimbleby,in the left corner…..


  22. 31
    BBC is pants says:

    No women as usual.


  23. 32
    Quaesitum ad fontem solos deducere verpos says:

    Joe Pasquale


  24. 34
    Some Twat up North says:

    Abu Qatada is my choice, no chance of bias then.


  25. 34
    Adam n Eve's uncle says:

    George Blake?


  26. 36
    anon. says:

    With ending. ;-)


  27. 37
    Chris Patten says:

    We need someone who is Pro EU, an advocate of catastrophic man made global warming and a lefty to the very core. Polly Toynbee opportunity knocks.


  28. 38
    Basil Brown and Victor Meldrew for DG says:

    The explosive Basil Brush and Victor Meldrew can job share. The only time you will ever here the very cautious line ‘I don’t bloody well belieeeeef it.’ Boom-Boom.


  29. 39
    Well it's a thought says:

    Can’t we just just go into any the courts of law and pick one of the people who has been called up for jury service and hasn’t been picked, at least you have a greater chance of them actually doing it better than the ones above, every one on the above list non, no ,you must be joking, time the tv tax payer had an honest person in charge of public broadcasting again.


  30. 40
    Hank the Cat says:

    Why not have a job share? with all the candiidates appearing to do a milliband,
    stabbing each other in the back, they must have at least one grey cell between them.


  31. 41
    Real Equality says:

    I am an equalitist. I have equal hatred for all of them.


  32. 45
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    I nominate Mehdi Hasan


  33. 46
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Why no

    Polly Toynbee
    Harriet Harperson
    Hazel Blears
    Diane Abbott
    Margaret Hodge


  34. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Nadine may not have her old job to come back to…


  35. 47
    Bilderberger says:

    Bilderbergers: Cleared To Rule The World

    Posted on November 10, 2012 by Tony Dean

    An article just in about the Bilderbergers
    by Richard Cottrell
    Contributing writer for ‘End the Lie

    “Bilderberg leaves rehab, cleared to rule the world”

    One of the world’s most secretive societies is emerging from the closet, blinking and shrinking at the harsh light of day, like Dracula suddenly deciding it might be safe after all to emerge from his cool dank vault at sunrise.
    Sunrise is the right word. Never have the prospects for one world order seemed rosier or closer at hand. So it can be no coincidence at all that the Bilderberg Group, and its sister cabal, the Trilateral Commission, are suddenly basking in deckchairs on the lawns of public respectability.

    It is my sincere conviction that we are watching the warm-up acts to prepare us all for a single world order as the orchestrated take down of the entire global economy begins to bite.

    Shortly after the Bilderberg/Goldman Sachs/EU promoted coup d’états in Italy and Greece in November, Reuters wired a report that Bilderberg and the Trilateral Commission had taken over Europe. The agency made it seem the terrible twins should be applauded for picking up the poisoned chalice of the great debt crisis purportedly eating away at the Euro.

    Before we go any further, it stands on the public record that Reuters CEO Peter Job is no stranger to breaking bread among the rulers of the universe.

    Read the full article here

    [Editor’s note: in fact, it is so public that a PDF hosted on the Department of Defense’s official website reveals exactly that on page 7 under the heading “UNITED KINGDOM” where he is the first listing.]

    The server for that pdf gives an “Internal Server Error”, so obviously the Bilderbergers in our parliament don’t want you to see it. No bother just download this pdf instead secret-societies-the-bilderbergers.pdf

    Further reading:-


    • 262
      Napolean says:

      gibber gibber gibber. where’s my rubber shoes and foil hat. They’re reading my thoughts a tell you! Don’t trust microwave ovens or UHT milk! gibber gibber gibber Beam my up Scotty!


  36. 49

    Ian Brady is a safe pair of hands.


  37. 52
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Why not just leave it blank and pencil in whoever is in charge of the Labour party at the time?


  38. 53
    Rob Wilson, M.P. Cunt. says:

    Can I just express my disappointment that you have not put me in the running?

    After all my attention-seeking letter-writing last week, I should be an odds-on favourite.

    Having said that, I confess that the truth is I am a command-class Hunt and the only reason I am doing this is to gain some penpals.

    I am placing this message in the public domain.


    • 71
      Tim Davie says:

      I can’t see my name there either. Is there no justice?


    • 221
      Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

      I think you will find that the attention-seeking letter-writer last week was the one who wrote a patronising letter to the Prime Minister claiming to be the Fearless Seeker of Truth.

      Also known as Twatson.


  39. 54
    My evil genius plan to destroy the BBC from within says:

    Sally Bercow for DG. Lets finish the BBC off forever.


  40. 55
    DG Factor says:

    A reality TV show with public phone voting for the next DG is the way to go.


  41. 56
    Fandabidozy says:

    The Krankies.


  42. 57
    None of the above says:

    Anyone still looking into Savile issues and the cover up there? Or has this ‘news’ done its work?


  43. 58
    Mark oatens glass coffee table says:

    1) Ken Clarke
    2) Mathew Corbbit
    3) Russ Abbot
    4) Ted Heath
    5) Mat Baker


  44. 59
    @Sally Bercow says:

    Until another Tory scalp presents itself we must focus on those poor abused kids.


  45. 60
    Sue d'Nymme says:

    What not Paxo? His first morning’s work could be to sack himself.


  46. 61

    Can I nominate Tony Blair? Despite luring the British in to a war on the orders of US, Tony Blair, although a dangerous man – is after all a genius of a man (but for all the wrong reasons)


  47. 63
    Ed's Twitter Intern says:


  48. 68

    I can’t find anyone giving odds on Brillo – anyone know a bookie who is?


  49. 70
    Rupert my Hero says:

    Bring back Hilda..


  50. 72
    Testing Testing says:

    This pair should be given the job of DG. Certainly could not do any worse than Enwistle.


  51. 75
    Climate Denier says:

    Andrew Neil would not be allowed as he has made it clear that he is not convinced that climate change is going to bring about the collapse of civilisation by three weeks come next Tuesday fortnight.

    Such views are VERBOTEN at the BBC.

    ‘For you, Sceptic, ze var iss over and you are all going to fry’


  52. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Derek Laud ticks all the boxes.


  53. 81
    Ken Livingstone says:

    You forgot…… Ken Livingstone.

    Has all the correct left wing credentials, has run one of the biggest cities in the world. Huge experience. An outsider. Has media experience via his LBC radio show. Very popular.


  54. 82
    Tim Davie says:

    Just ‘ad a pint of winkles, and a pie with jellied eels daan the Old Kent Road, me old cock sparrers. Rarin’ to go, just polishin’ the buttons on me Pearly King outfit.


  55. 89
    Quick Draw McGraw says:

    Michael Portaloo


  56. 92
    Engineer says:

    Andy Coulson is free at the moment. Mind you, he might not be after the court case…


  57. 95
    Latimer Alder says:

    Mr Abu Hamza’s friends assure me that he is a safe pair of hands.


  58. 97
    Rupert my Hero says:

    One missing, Guido


  59. 98
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I nominate… our host.

    Well, why not?


  60. 101
    Hank the Cat says:

    Brillo can lick my balls


  61. 106
    Some Twat up North says:

    This country is bollocksed.


  62. 107
    Tom Watson says:

    What about me Guido, just remember what will happen if I’m not included.


  63. 109
    Ryker says:

    Why u so down on the BBC? If it’s so bad how come everyone knows it?

    The BBC is respected worldwide. You aren’t

    BBC 1 You 0



  64. 110
    Latimer Alder says:

    Memo to Fat Pang:

    Re George’s successor

    Thank you for your suggestions. But on reflection we feel obliged to reject both of them

    Sadly, Bill and Ben are gravely tainted by their association with ‘Little Weed’ and would not be suitable.

    Muffin the Mule could not be coaxed from retirement, and his name has unfortunate connotations in today’s febrile Savilian environment. The last thing we need is further police investigations…..

    But it occurs to us that Sooty and Sweep don’t seem to have many engagements planned right now. Perhaps they could be approached?

    Yours Faithfully

    Open The Box And Take The Money and Run (Talent Scouts)


  65. 115
    Chris Huhne says:

    I’m free (for the moment).


  66. 116
    This Fat'un says:

    I decided to shower Entwistle with wads of cash because it was only money from the licence fee and therefore “appropriate”.


  67. 119
    Tom Watson says:

    Take the following and see where it leads.

    Someone from the Police Federation
    Someone from Whitehall
    Tom Watson
    Someone from Newsnight
    Someone from ITV
    Puppet Philip Schofield

    See the trend, over to you Guido, let’s see how smart you are!


  68. 120
    Dennis McShane says:

    I’m also free (for the moment).

    And I’ve nicked Chris Huhne’s missus. Among other things


  69. 129
    None of the above says:

    Don’t companies have to advertise vacancies in a manner that is none discriminatory?

    Well I cannot find the DG job listed –


  70. 130
    dunstall says:

    What it needs is a hard nosed private sector exec good at wielding the axe and cost cutting to bring a sense of day to day realsim to an organisation so wrapped up in itself that it has completely lost touch with the real world.


  71. 131
    blub says:

    Is it just me or does Tim Davie have a bit of a John Inman walk. It’s very distracting.


  72. 134
    Ahead of the curve says:

    Tim Davie, quicker out of the blocks than Usain Bolt.


  73. 141
    Dudley Zoo says:

    I am just glad the BBC don’t make cars or aircraft


    • 152
      Bluto says:

      But they are truly excellent at crafting lies.


    • 256
      Old Tory Bigot says:

      BBC Aviation proudly present the BBC Vickers Mark III Flying Boat

      – All the engines are mounted on the left wing

      – The aircrew compliment will be 5 pilots, 13 co-pilots, 32 trolly dollies, but no navigator

      – No moral compass will be installed as we consider these obsolete

      – There will be no ‘economy’ accommodation of any sort

      – Golden parachutes will be provided for all crew and but there will be no life vests for the licence payers passengers

      – A complementary compulsory copy of the Guardian will be found on each seat.

      Prototype trials have shown that the Mark III tends to fly in ever decreasing circles but we plan to fix this by adding more engines to the left wing.


      • 274
        JH3 says:

        Bwa ha, tres drole.

        – There will also be no black box as it is clearly racist, and if there is a crash rather than actually investigate we will just wheel someone out to say lessons have been learned, and over the balance of the entire flight we think we got things ‘about right’.

        – People will also be compelled to buy a ‘BBC Vickers License’ under threat of prison, regardless of whether they actually fly. We will send out aggressive, sneaky people to turn up on peoples doorsteps and try to get them to incriminate themselves in order to get a commission.


  74. 144
  75. 145
    Bluebottle says:

    Are you taking the piss ?


  76. 146
    Keep it real says:

    Stalin. Well so fucking left wing its verging on communism.


  77. 153
    Sineless Prick in Number 10 says:

    I feel that my handling of the present BBC crisis has been exemplary. I worked out my strategy when I was chillaxing.


  78. 155
    Joss Taskin says:

    So, the British Taxpayers will be picking up the bill for George Wetwhistle’s payment for failure AND, if a certain ‘Tory Peer from the Thatcher era’ sues the BBC, the British Taxpayers pick up the bill for that too ??


    • 207
      Hugh Janus says:

      I am hoping that Bentwhistle’s obscene pay-off will do for Fatty Pang. He took him on, and he (presumably) approved yet another ridiculous contract where the greater the cock-up the bigger the payment – and then decided to double his 6 months pay to 12 months, on the basis that some self-important MPs might want to invite him in for a spot of grandstanding. Christ on a bike, no wonder we are fast disappearing down the proverbial plughole.


  79. 157
    Ahead of the curve says:

    David Dimbleby, just how far left do you want the BBC to go.


  80. 159
    blub says:

    The news and entertainment sides need to be split in two.

    The news half should be run by someone like Andrew Neil.

    The entertainment side should be run by someone who respects BBC tradition and so is at least nonce-neutral although ideally either an actual nonce, semi-nonce or pro-nonce. I can see four potential candidates up there who look like they might fit those criteria.


    • 163
      lol says:

      Scrap the licence fee first and the BBC can do what the fuck they like.


      • 191
        JH3 says:

        I think there needs to be a popular resistance to the TV license properly initiated in this country. It worked in Australia.

        Very few people buy the Guardian because it is a load of sanctimonious, self-satisfied Islingtonista cleverer-than-you bullshit. Accordingly, they hover on collapse.

        Unfortunately the BBC gets to inhabit the same mindset, except without market pressures to give it a valuable clue that very few people actually share their world view.


        • 201
          Timmy Davie's Press Secretary says:

          ‘very few people actually share their world view.’

          That is because you people are just scum.

          Fit only to pay your BBC tax and shut up and listen to what we tell you. We are the chosen elite and don’t you forget it, Buster.


  81. 164
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:



    • 172
      The savant5 says:

      Do you realise his initials spell


      I do not know if thhst is Freudian. For GO

      Or a description of the particular mire in which he finds’ himself


  82. 165
    The savant5 says:

    Has fat pang fallen on his paunch yet.

    Or is that a biological non sequitur. As well. As a physical impossibility ???


    • 218
      Airey Belvoir says:

      Nice quote about Fat Pang : “Like somebody who has just been rudely awakened in his club armchair to find a severed head on his lap” (AA Gill).


  83. 177
    How to throw your Twitter followers under a bus says:


    • 189
      Latimer Alder says:

      ….and most of them didn’t have 55,000 poor deluded followers who must have very sad and empty lives and need something to fill them.


    • 190
      None of the above says:

      Really good to see Sallys self imposed Twitter exile working.


    • 197
      don't panic Mr Mainwaring says:

      But because of her position as wife of one of one of the most powerful men in politics, her “followers” may place more credence in her twitter messages than other users. They may have felt she had access to information not yet in the public domain.
      She has abused her privileges and seriously undermined her husband’s role as Speaker.


    • 206
      @Sally Bercow says:

      I’m just an ordinary girl,Wife of the speaker of the house of commons and media whore,how did I know my Tweets to 55,000 followers,many in the press would cause so much trouble.


    • 239
      Ahead of the curve says:

      You are really scared, aren’t you Sally.


  84. 179
    Anonymous says:

    Sean Gabb


  85. 181
    Some Mothers Do Have Them says:

    Frank Spencer is the ideal man.

    With Frank Pike as his deputy, and Sir Les Patterson as Media Adviser


  86. 185

    My all woman shortlist

    Esther Ranzid

    Pippa Middleton

    Sally Oldcow

    Chris Bryant


  87. 188
    George Howard, Baron Howard of Henderskelfe says:

    I was a safe pair of hands. And I wouldn’t be any trouble now.


  88. 198
    HenryV says:

    Couldn’t we have a reality TV programme to decide who gets the job? We might end up with a dancing dog or some inner city yoof dance troop but at least the public would have had a say.


  89. 214
    Anonymous says:

    Lord Alistair McAlpine would do a good job.


  90. 225
    blub says:

    I’d vote for Piers Morgan on condition he was turned into a woman first.


  91. 227
    post hoc says:

    The interim DG is no better than the last one – he can’t even do a decent news briefing. Just seen car crash announcement on SKY done in the style of new labour luvvie. Where do they find them from?


  92. 233
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    Just read Guido’s quote from the BIJ to Leveson (top right.) ‘Gold standard of journalism.’ (Failed) CSE level standard, more like.


  93. 234
    Magnolia says:

    If Mr Neil or Mr Kelvin are unavailable then I think we should also consider Mr James Delingpole and Dr David Starkey.
    Such polite, collegiate types would be able to do the necessary.
    Failing that I nominate Baroness Warsi.
    There’s plenty of choice there.
    I think this might have opened up the floodgates.
    The journalists that are left might now go native and try to outcompete each other with nastiness and vitriol towards their incompetent, tormentor, controlling managers and administrators. They’ve broken free.
    We got hints of that this morning on Today from Ed Stouton.
    Right wingers of the BBC (?) this is your chance to sock it to them!
    The praise and devotion directed towards terrier Humphrys will be noticed and some might try to emulate him.


  94. 235
    Cherrie Blair says:

    Tony Blair would be a great choice, but the BBC would have to offer more than the £2.5M that JP Morgan are currently paying him.


  95. 236
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    It doesn’t really matter who get’s the job, they’ll just be there to close the place down.

    Once the prosecutions follow the police investigations and the true extent of the culture of perversion, criminality and cover-ups, comes to light.

    They’ll be history, literally. Their brand will scrubbed from everything it touches.


  96. 237
    M says:

    Where Fred Goodwin ?


  97. 246
    Judge Dread says:

    The great British public do not appear to me to have any great love affair with the BBC.

    The fact that many MP’s constantly state it is a national treasure providing value for money for the taxpayer is in my view nonsense.

    WE live in austere times . The average member of the public would rather pay an extra 3p for a litre of petrol than £145.50 per year from their net income for a broadcasting service .


  98. 247
    YorkshireLad says:

    Whoever it is, “The Guardian” would have to approve as would the Liebor party


  99. 252
    Well done the BBC says:

    Dear Points of View,

    I’d nearly lost all faith in the BBC until the arrival of its hilarious new comedy-drama “The Decline and Collapse of a Wonderful Institution Universally Loved By Everybody” (BBC News24). Some of the plot-lines are a bit unbelievable as are one or two of the characters, but it was inevitable that a reliable old ham such as Fatty Pang would put in a solid performance as hapless bungler Lord Patten.

    I’m afraid Tim McInerney struggled slightly with the one-dimensional Director General Entwistle, although his catchphrase “What the f**k’s going on here, then?” has gone down a storm in our household and it’s a shame he was written out of the plot at such an early stage. I love the creation of a new ‘Er Indoors character in the shape of News Director Helen Boaden, who you never actually get to see.

    Bradley Walsh is good as the TV Centre car-park attendant whistled up to ‘fill in’ as Acting DG, and of the secondary characters Sally Bercow is very convincing as herself and should win one of the big prizes at the upcoming British Massive Compensation Awards Ceremony at Bow Street Magistrates court. Jabba the Hutt, though, doesn’t come anywhere near projecting the right sense of poisonous malice in the role of Labour MP Tom Watson and also needs to put on a few pounds.

    Have been riveted to the TV and hope the Beeb lasts long enough to bring us the conclusion of this knockabout tale of staggering incompetence. Worth the license fee by itself.


  100. 259
    Ian Corby says:

    Ian Corby from the PRU should be running the BBC.


  101. 270
    this septic pile says:

    one is rooting for JEDWARD – two brains can be thikcer than one!


  102. 271
    john prescott says:

    can I be both COMMISIONATOR and GOVERNATOR at the same time


  103. 277
    Kreatcherr says:

    Gary Glitter…got an impressive CV…and at least plod will know where he is…or is supposed to be!


  104. 280
    Judge Dread says:

    So let me get this right .

    These companies employ people in this country many of whom pay income tax and National insurance ,take out mortgages and loans and consume .

    These companies rent commercial units and pay commercial rents and local taxes when other companies have collapsed leaving empty units and rental voids .

    These companies also pay Vat .

    But because they do not pay this Government loads of Corporation Tax they are crooks.


  105. 283
    Kreatcherr says:

    ‘But because they do not pay this Government loads of Corporation Tax they are crooks.’

    Yep three rights don’t make a wrong right!
    It is not about minimizing their tax bill it is about avoiding it, and it is rather disingenuous to claim anything else!


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