Guido went to see Argo this week – the story behind the Iranian hostage crisis.
Guido enjoyed it but Mrs Fawkes enjoyed it even more with Ben Affleck.
Today’s winner gets a t-shirt from the film.
Usual rules, like being funny, apply.
Dave Will Probably Win in 2015 | Dan Hodges
EU’s Tax Harmonisation Agenda | Dan Hannan
Tories Have Always Sneered at Party Faithful | Simon Heffer
French Youth Fleeing Socialism | Reason
Councils Should Not Blow Cash Subsidising Arts | Harry Phibbs
Old Holborn on Twitter Exile | Backbencher
Attorney General Warns Press Over Rebekah & Andy | Media Guido
UKIP Pros and Cons | Allister Heath
“The Double Income No Kids Existence” | Alex Deane
David Nicholson to Quit NHS Next Year | HSJ
We Don’t Have Gatsby-esque Inequality | Tim Worstall
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Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Google-eyed-Dave
It took me three minutes to take just a cursory look at her arse.
The Holly & the Ivy…………lalalalala
No Phil, the PM said to stick that card up *YOUR* arse, not mine!
Are these Hot Cross buns?
When I said ” hold my buns” I meant the ones from the oven
“Consenting adults”, that is the difference.
Same as someone paying money to a hooker to bet him up.
I would like a hooker to bet me up!
Arse gratia arseole.
+1
81lly, why are you posting as Anonymous
I now know what size sexy bra to buy my wife for Christmas Holly.
Required to mime “Tom Watson”, Philip went straight for it…..
I know we used the same hair dye on our heads … but do the collars and cuffs match?
This Morning proves one of it’s presenters is a heavyweight journalist …
‘misjudged’ camera angle captures misjudged Master Bates, wiping off misjudged Seaman stains off misjudged frock.
Missed a bit on the shoulder!
“Professional Phil” fails to block the camera angle…again
I am only a sexual staff molester not a paedophile.
That is in our culture.
Celebrations are a trifle early
And you’re about a week late!
Commiserations are a trifle late.
FFS!!! – It wasn’t a bleedin’ trifle.
It’s only a trifle of a joke.
It wasn(t me! It was my dead brother
“Shut up woman, Gordon the Gofer never put up this much of a fight”.
I meant Gopher. Stupid iPhone
This new Gordon the Gopher puppet is fantastic. Now, where does my hand go?
Schofield behind the curve again.
Schofield checks out another inappropriate angle
“And the next episode of Jackanory comes from our studio in Kent”
“I haven’t got to grips with such a big arse since I interviewed Ed Balls”.
+ 100
”Philip!! I am not Gordon the Gopher! You can’t stick your hand up my arse!”
“I found these buns on the Internet”
I think we have a winner here.
This wasn’t on the list!
No, but its been on my list for ages.
Fair cop gov
Funny, every time I put my hands on your arse, your mouth opens!
‘Oh Holly, please let me climb up their to hide till this all goes away’
He said ‘witch hunt’ not ‘which Hunt’!
ITV realises it was a mistake to bring Boris on board as a creative consultant
you say you want to see my broom cupboard ?
“This is how to treat women – I looked it up on the Internet.”
“Why is your unborn baby at the back?”
Proof! It wasn’t just a google search!
“gordon the gopher was much easier to abuse”
The internet is full of scurrilous rumours and faked pictures and nobody should pay any attention to it.
Wanna see some real pictures of little ‘uns?
You’re all just jealous, I certainly am.
That’s gordon the gopher in the nude.
Oh, Philip! Three minutes searching on the internet clearly isn’t long enough to help you find the bean.
Phillip Schofield quickly finds somewhere to hide from the media
mmm smells of Lemon, Keith Lemon.
Trust me Holly I read it on the internet, it’s the latest form of faith healing.
Philip puts his hands to work looking for more names!
And today on This Morning, what to do if you’ve accidentally sat in superglue.
Schofield enjoys the Craic with Holly
This is the winner – surely? Received the wine yet?
Which one is the biggest prize arse?
Yes it is a big Arse! But i’m a bigger one.
Let’s see what shit I can massage out for today’s programme.
And this is how lord mcalpine’s lawyers going to hand my arse to me
Gordon the gopher was much more cooperative
Meanwhile I have found evidence Murdoch is a kiddy fiddler.
A young boy told me he shares his bed with ‘Rupert’ every night.
Wears Yellow Tartan trousers and a scarf apparently.
What a perv.
No Philip, the PM said you had a hand in a “pretty tasteless and silly stunt”. I think there’s been a terrible misunderstanding here….
oops
(_!_) a regular arse
(__!__) a fat arse
(!) a tight arse
(_*_) a sore arse
{_!_} a swishy arse
(_o_) an arse that’s been around
(_x_) kiss my arse
(_X_) leave my arse alone
(_zzz_) a tired arse
(_E=mc2_) a smart arse
(_$_) Money coming out of his arse
(_?_) Dumb Arse
Some old men watch bored (and boring) dancing lady. Pretty tasteless but not illegal.
well fancy that guido has pulled the vid!!!
happy to stir the shit in mainland uk hey but not so happy when it’s closer to home… fucking hypocrite.
Pay for advertising.
occasionally i make the mistake of taking myself too seriously… i am sorry for making that twatty comment. x
I wonder if this ass is made of memory foam
Hmm, not as tight as a Welsh boy….
i got nicked in new zealand for sucking off a 11 year old… next thing i know i’m working for the bbc!
with only Judge Jules and Jason Donovan to console him.
Schofield gives the thumbs up!
Gopher it!
$1,000 to touch my behind?
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3803stmkn68?feature=player_embedded&w=640&h=360%5D
That Scholfield’s got some cheek…
Schofield probe
Schofield does a size check before making an arse of himself.
Well, if I’m getting a bum press, then so should you..
Philip’s second ambush of the day
“Ohhh ohhh ohhh, come on and do the conga”
So I Googled ‘smash your back doors in’.
Schofe practices for his forthcoming appearance at the Old Bailey.
Holly,Rub some Anusol on him.
from one arse to another …
80′s child icon in remake typo horror as Gordon the Groper makes unlikely TV show appearance….
Philip Sofeeled
Still prefer Jasons
That’s nothing compared to what he did to me.
Schofield – ‘Your wrong, your mouth is still bigger’
How to perform brainwashing on a blonde
I only warned him yesterday about hunting Witches.
So you think the list was a ‘tasteless and silly stunt’ ?
…well let’s see what you make of this!
The cracks in ITV are showing.
It says here, “Freddie Starr ate my Belvoir!”
‘Back,sack and crack’ not necessarily in that order
Nonce Phillip
Gordon never squealed Holly.
Don’t sit down, Holly. You’ll crush my gopher.
After a three-minute ‘cursory glance’ at the internet, Schofield hits a Bum note
You’ll be clenching these automatically when I hand my list to Cameron.
Schofield shows he can make an arse-up as well as a cock-up. Definitely MP material.
Philip Schofield: “Well, if yesterday’s stunt doesn’t get me sacked, then nothing will! So, what the Hell? Phwooaarrr! Never really had the inclination when Fern was on the sofa!”
The search for Holly’s brain continues
Spot the ass.
You’re not from North Wales
“Stop it Feel! Aren’t you in enough trouble already”?
I bet Schofield was skating on thin ice with his missus after that.
Who is this Willerby woman anyway? Don’t they make caravans in Hull?
Source of Schofield’s patter exposed.
Schofield, looking for some more shit to dish out.
“I see an old man in your in your future. And in you.”
Gordon the Groper
“I see an old man in your future. And in you.”
No, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong. Her knickers have to be off, for a start…
C’mon, let the witch see the broom cupboard…
“I never leave my friends behind..”
I’ve just made a complete arse of myself, about 100 times bigger than this.
New BBC sodomy drama, starring a prick and an arse.
‘You see, proof, I am not a kiddie fiddler’
I can’t be fucking arsed to think of a caption.
Of course you can’t hear anything Phillip , it’s your arse they are talking about !
“It’s going to be a long time till I get my hands on one of these again”
You would all fuck her.
Count me OUT of that one thank you!!
That Keith fellah is wrong…this looks much more like the Mitchell brothers…
Fatuous arse gropes fat arse!
“OMG! Is that Ofcom in there on the sofa ?”
Up your endo
Unfortunately there may have been a misjudged camera angle for a split second as I warmed my hands on the oven.
I,ll get to th bottom of this.
“Don’t worry, come the inquiry the BBC will ensure no one ever recalls I worked for them either”
“I do feel a complete arse. And a right tit. I made a big cockup. What a bummer.”
Actor Bill Tarmey, who played Jack Duckworth in ITV soap Coronation Street, has died.
Unfortunately, Corrie hasn’t. (Condolences to his loved ones, of course.)
With Christmas around the corner, Schofield misheard the instruction as ‘Kiss Holly under the Cameltoe’ in the noisy kitchen studio….
He sure wasn’t kissing up to me, that’s for sure.
I declare these buttocks open.
http://fxbites.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/blog-post.html
Phillip is having difficulty opening the cupboard
Schofield finds his metier.
Does my arse look big in this?
Today’s recipe is Toad in the Hole.
Richard Gere disproves rumour
Shafted Cameron to complete my bucket list. And this is number one on my buttocks list.
“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what’s a heaven for?”
Although I think he’s got a better grasp of the situation here, than he did with the PM…that time, it was just a reach, innit?
Schofe tries to demonstrate his comments to the PM were ‘tongue in cheek’
what a LOVELY pair of buns
‘It was a faulty Sat Nav’
Buttocks and arse-hole.
“Lord McAlpine is on the sofa!! I beg you, please go first”?
Holly let me help you prove to the viewers that you really aren’t so dumb that you can’t talk and fart at the same time.
Schofield starts to feel the heat
Now, Philip, can you fund the elbow?
Come here Gopher, I want to stick my hand up your arse.
Hold on, I thought I heard David Cameron talking.
Schofield: “I’m trying to think of a completely humourless caption so that I might win Guido’s competition.”
Schofield: Look, I’ve been able to corroborate those names on my list from another source. I spent another good three minutes of in depth trawling there as well. Now, where was it? Yes, look everyone, here it is. I knew it was on the tip of my tongue……
Alright, Phillip, over sixteen certainly, but what a cheek!
Holly have you just had a brain fart?
Do my hands look big on this…?
I think we need to get to the bottom of who has been getting to the bottoms.
“Would you like to be the sheep”?
“Ofcom told me to lay off the internet. I suppose this’ll do.”
Schofield continues his search for Shergar, Lucan and Elvis
At last we can uncover the truth..
Back-end of the pantomime horse revealed !
Everyone chill the fuck out, ! I got this….
FUCK YA T-SHIRT
Ah so this is were the aroma of anchovies is coming from, I knew the recipe didn’t call for any.
Hindsight is a great thing. I love looking at girls’ arses.
It only took me 3 minutes to download this porn clip from the internet.
TomWatson says she’s hiding something and that I have to look for it.
“Philip! That’s not how you get to the bottom of a story!”
I’m sorry Holly. As a boy presenter I was taught to stick my hands up the gopher’s arse.
“May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb..”
Gopher hole.
Small hands or big Arse? You decide.
Text to 884444 with your answer to the question; Each text costs £1.50 plus one standard network rate message.
I’m going to have to prees you on this.
Sorry – should have said “Press” not press.
Alternative:
Philip indicates where he was touched on the doll.
Schofield tries to prevent another ‘This Morning’ presenter from talking out of their arse
Philip Schofield ensuring that his name gets added to several internet lists…
Hi, I’m Phil, I’m a satanic necrophillic child abuser. Well, if enough bullshit lies to that effect are published on ‘teh interweb’, then they become THE TRUTH innit.
Gordon the groper
“This was how we did high fives at the BBC. Next time, I’ll show you how we did knuckles!”
Brrr, it’s cold in here.
..for about 15 minutes in a warm oven…
John Leslie is coming…hide!
Arse’n Minger..
Disappointed Holly discovers why he’s called 3 minute Phil.
Who do you think you are Phillip – Andrew Marr?
Oi! I told you, I’ve never been to Wrexham..
Philip: I got better things to do than research stories!
Philip: This is how to tell the difference between Holly and Firm Cotton.
Three minutes! All it takes to go from Top to Bottom!
“C’mon Holly, where’s your tail? David Icke said..”
Practicing lesson 2 of the “Tom Watson school of etiquette and social skills”
This looks far nicer the the (Rabbit) hole I seem to have fallen into.
Blonde tart says
Philip just described myshit as being ‘like Harvey Price’.
Not sure if he means it was massive and brown or dribbley.
Schofield fails to realise that you can’t roast your chestnuts on an open arse
I apologise if a misjudged camera angle inadvertantly exposed the viewers to my groping Ms Willoughby
On This Morning’s cooking segment, Philip Schofield prepares to demonstrate his ‘Tongue in Cider’.
Schofield, searching for his lost credibility.
“Ant & Dec said I have to do a bushtucker trial here first…”
Will you be investigating this Mr Cameron?
Grey haired TV personality “accidentally” gropes young blonde, nothing to see here move along now.
ITV sex scandal, dirty old man caught on camera.
Are you sure that’s what Quantative Easing means, Phillip?
Philip Schofield demonstrates the Jimmy Savile technique live on tv.
When I said ‘a quick google search’, this is what I meant
Now u know how Gordon the Gopher felt
Andrew Mitchell’s looking for somewhere new to park his bike.
Is this another bum steer?
Does my thumb feel big in there!
Does the arse holding my arse make him look a bigger arse in this?
How low can you stoop!?
About an eleven year old.
“Let me show you the difference between cheeky and making up facts”
I got this idea from the internet too.
Schofield using his famous anal ytical skills to see if Miss Willowbooby might win bum cleavage of the year.
That’s twice I’ve felt an arse this week.
Schofield laments loss of sidekick Gordon the Groper
Check out those buns!
It’s a big arsk
Just rehearsing for my new TV show – “Phil’ll Fix It”
Murf 95 says ” Just cos you cocked up Philip dont give me the bums rush”
Holly learns just how serious mistaken identity can be as Philip mistakes her for Gordon. At least it’s not all over the internet. Oh.
“Don’t you put that Gopher of yours anywhere near me!”
I’m sure my researcher said that all I had to do was Google…and Yahoo!!..I’d get the Firefox.
Schofield attempts to open the This Morning editorial source file.
Philip’s unwanted advances and political bias land him a new job at the BBC
Anyone see Gordon?
Gordon. Brown.
Recently I felt a pr**ck but this makes a change!
‘Did my career just vanish up there?’
The two faced overpaid twat is caught red handed.
Schofiled wouldnt know where to find a Cnut if it fell on him
I did not have sexual relations with that women
This morning I’ll mainly be taking crack
Careless Hands.
And is it OK to do this ?
It was just a bit of craic!
It’s a good job that you are behind me.
So how long have you been putting your bits of paper here?
“That’s not the Heimlich Manoeuvre, and you’re not a real doctor”
And here’s one I prepared half-an-hour ago.
Phillip – I am so, so hot.
I am far too hot for this daytime TV show.
Just feel how hot I am Phillip…
I started in the BBC broom cupboard so I know how to inspect a hairy brush
The search for the rest of Schofiel’s career grows ever more desperate
“Honest love, I was just looking for Gordon the Gopher”
With the turmoil at BBC, some celebrities are already practising interview techniques as the race begins to fill the editorial gaps
Lady Boys of Bangkok hits the small screen
…. he’s not the only one who can make unfounded allegations
Uh! Uh! Jimmy Sovile had a gentler touch. Stick to card showing.
“Oi Phillip, flatten those dress creases right now ! “
There may have been a misjudged camera angle…
Schofield misunderstands the phrase ‘cover-up’.
Philip was keen to get to the bottom of this sex abuse.
Who is the bigger arse
Schofield leaving Good Morning for the Twilight Zone…
No Phillip I said “I used to like Gary Glitter”…..
“Another step back Holly and I can wear you for Red Nose day”
Nope Holly, I can’t see Tom Watson up here, are you sure he said that he was an arse hole creeper.
Oh Philip, stop it, or you’ll get a reputation for yourself like that Savile chappie or that arse hole creeper Whatson, butt if your going to carry on lick it like a lollypop.
I usually finder tighter buns in the park at night, ahem, in Hampstead.
Where’s the sunshine when you need it?
So that’s what I look like to everyone!
I can’t feel a panty-line. Are you sure you’re wearing any?
What is the fascination with Whilloby’s arse, I am more into Kate and her sisters arse, more streamlined, like a female cyclist’s arse – mmmmm,
…but not saying I won’t give the Whillows one right up the shuffty, given half a chance, any passage she asks… : )
P & H celebrate their promotion onto CBeebies
This is what I really like doing when I’ve got three minutes to spare!
Philip: “I can hardly pull my finger out before I have even put it in.”
Is this who they call Phil O’pedya
im just gonna rip the back of your skirt open and tongue your arsehole live on tv cos you love it you slaaaaaaaag
“Calm down dear ….. Jason Donovan never protested ….”
Cameron told me “you must feel a massive arse” so that’s what I’ll do.
Last van erectiestoornissen? Dan is viagra echt iets voor jou! Viagra zorgt er namelijk voor de bloedvaten in de penis zich makkelijker kunnen ontspannen waardoor erectieproblemen tot de verleden tijd behoren. Wil je direct viagra kopen? Dan kan dat natuurlijk ook!
Well, did I win the crappy/’no-expense spared prize’ T-Shirt then…?