Your Definitive Election Night Guide

Staying up for the long night ahead? Then’ll you need to know what to look out for and when the key results will come in.

Here is your definitive print out and check off guide to Election Night 2012

Courtesy of Jag Singh.

Tories To Suspend Whip for Nadine

Something bugging them?

Eric Pickles on Nadine’s trip to the jungle:

“I’ll obviously miss her and I’m going to have to struggle on bravely without her. But I, like a loyal friend, will be voting to keep her in as long as possible. I shall be ringing in religiously every week to keep her there.”

Reed Refuses to Run Properly for Fear of Losing

Labour’s newly selected by-election candidate for Croydon North is clearly not very confident about his victory chances. Lambeth Council Leader Steve Reed has announced that he will not resign his position unless he wins the nearby seat. The hard-working people of Lambeth will be paying for Reed to campaign for the Labour Party rather than representing them.

Then again, anyone who has ever come across Steve and his work will know that campaigning for Labour rather than representing the people has always been his mantra – not least with his poster campaign against government cuts that was paid for at the expense of other local services. Facile largire de alieno…

Another Tory Admits UKIP Cost Them Election

The Tories are always denying that UKIP are a threat, but once again the cat has been let out of the bag. Over in Maidenhead they have suffered an embarrassing council by-election defeat at the hands of their LibDem counterparts. Simon Werner beat his blue opponent Catherine Hollingsworth by a grand total of eight votes, as the UKIP candidate took dozens of votes away from the Tories.  Council leader David Burbage in no doubt as to who is to blame:

“It is unfortunate that, largely thanks to UKIP, the residents of Pinkneys Green have missed out from electing a very effective councillor in Catherine Hollingsworth. The last thing that people who voted UKIP would have wanted would be a boost to the pro-EU Lib Dems.” 

Fast forward to 2015 and we could be seeing a similar thing on a much larger scale…

Video: Election 2012 Funnies

Via BBC

LibDems: Don’t Vote for Us!

Guido will forever be perplexed by the inner workings of the LibDem mind. Down in Brighton they are taking their defeatism to a whole new level by telling residents not to vote for their party’s candidate in next week’s PCC elections. In a letter sent to LibDem members, the chair and vice chair of Brighton and Hove LibDems – Brian Stone and Simon Doyle, explain:

“We find ourselves in an unusual position. As experienced campaigners who have worked for LibDem candidates at various elections and over many years, we are asking you not to vote for a LibDem candidate for the post of elected Police and Crime Commissioner for Sussex.”

Instead of backing the LibDem, party members are being instructed to cast their ballot for ‘RON’, re-opening nominations and keeping the PPC post free from party politics. They really don’t get this whole winning elections thing, do they…

UPDATE: LibDem sources point out that the leaflet is from the internal election to select a candidate.

Hacks are venting their anger at the NUJ today…

…Find out why over on MediaGuido

NUJ’s Two Fingers to Members

Increasingly isolated NUJ boss Michelle Stanistreet has unilaterally announced the union’s support for state regulation of the press. Somewhat unbelievably not asking members first, Stanistreet blustered:

“We believe that if we are to achieve independent, accountable regulation it needs to

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Eurocrat Staff Walk Out Over Tiny Budget Cut

Bonkers  Eurocrats in Brussels are going on strike over “cuts” to the EU Budget. The European Federation of Public Service Unions is calling for EU staff to walk out on Thursday due to what they claim is austerity, or what […]

+ READ MORE +

Nadine prepares for jungle:

“I’m frightened of rats, but then again I do work with them”[…]

+ READ MORE +

Quote of the Day

Nadine Dorries says…

“‘I’m frightened of rats, but then again I do work with them.”[…]

+ READ MORE +

OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE
CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN
SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY
SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL
SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’ SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’
CRICK CRICK’D CRICK CRICK’D
EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME
LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES
LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY
WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER
CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE
MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM
TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS
REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT
NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM
LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS