October 25th, 2012

Guido Android App

Some 20% of Guido’s readers now come view the blog via mobile phones and tablets. This new app gives a richer experience – with interactivity. The blog feed on the app is light-format, you can click through to the desktop version with all the comments. Twitter is integrated into the app, as is a tip-off via email function if you have any gossip for us. If you are using the app on a phone you can now call and speak with us just by double clicking. If there is big story we will send users a push notification alert of the breaking news straight to your phone…

It works on on iPhone, Android and BlackBerry as well as iPad and Android tablets. How much for all this functionality? The first 5000 downloads of the app will be free. The Android native app can be downloaded here. For all other devices you can download it here


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    Could you please leave the simple site up for us stoneage blackberry users.


  2. 3
    tick tock tick tock says:

    I have a phone that’s just a phone a Nokyia 100 or something, can I install your andyroid app :-) .

    PS thought I would ask first as somebody else will.


    • 5
      Gordon the medicated says:

      That’s a coincidence. I have a 100 Nokyias.
      they are all in a box under the bed. I keep them there to throw in case of burglars. Burglars wanting to steal my Tupperware box of broken Nokyieas.

      You’d have to get up very early to outfox me..Very early. As I never go to bed.


    • 8
      Aunty Matter says:

      Hi Gordon, still using a Nokia?


  3. 6
    wobble says:

    Not nexus 7 compatable


  4. 7
    Aunty Matter says:

    GCHQ would be impressed by the access this app wants, please fix that and put the comments in


  5. 10
    Ex Ah! Monika says:

    you seem to have had your monika for some time now. Even nell was blocked for a time.

    Got Ah! Monika back yesterday blocked again today.

    But I take your point


  6. 11
    The rich immersive app experience says:

    Top Tip! Desperate marketing people: if your product or service is a pile of boring shite (or you simply lack any imagination or independence of thought) just describe it as “an experience”. If you’re really stuck, notify the whole world that you’re a total c*nt by describing it as a “rich experience”.

    ‘Moving forwards’, let’s check the permissions this ‘app’ needs:

    “take pictures and videos – Allows the app to take pictures and videos with the camera.”

    That’s not very good, is it?

    “Storage – modify/delete USB storage contents modify/delete SD card contents
    Allows the app to write to the USB storage. Allows the app to write to the SD card.”

    Why would it need to do that?


    • 23
      Not sinister says:

      Write to storage – could be for caching content

      Taking pictures – maybe to take pictures of documents for guido

      Phone calls – call guido and whisper to him sexfully

      That said, dark blue text on black background makes my eyes hurt


  7. 12
    dog says:

    I’m not installing an app that wants permissions to use the camera.


  8. 14
    Call me Dave says:

    Arrests to follow in the Jimmy Savile case. Freddy Starr and Gary Glitter will be doing a Porridge special on Christmas Day….


    • 17
      Spode says:

      No no, surely not. Mr Starr protested his innocence the other day and I for one believed every word.


      • 19
        Jimmy Savile says:

        Eating Hamster meant something different in my day


        • 41
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Somehow Jimmy – One thinks that Esther has a lot more to own up to yet; what with your visits to Isreal and various free appearances in around Leeds at some synagoges etc

          Oy vay bits have been revealed / published in the JC – who also seem to be trying to protect themselves. Now who is this Greville Janner bloke?


        • 47
          Anonymous says:

          Jim was fixed.
          given abundant freedom to love the dead. and fix it for charlie and andy what with their difficulties in their married life.


    • 24
      Get Down Shep says:

      Amazing what some would do for a Jim’ll fix it medal. I dread to what they were charging for a Blue Peter gold badge.


    • 150
      Anonymous says:

      Responding to the remarks, David Cameron said the MP had raised “a very difficult and complex case”, adding he was unclear which former Prime Minister Mr Watson was referring to.

      Cameron claims to know that the case is very difficult and complex but not no more. wierd.


  9. 20
    GCHQ says:

    Guido’s Contents Hacking Quackery.

    No need to back up my phone with this app installed, all my data is now on Guido’s servers.


  10. 29
    Ah! Monika says:

    And here


  11. 31
    nellnewman says:

    All this technology is leaving me behind!!

    microsoft have brought out touchscreen windows 8 – but question is does my laptop have the ability to use it. I don’t know how to find out!! ++Sigh++


    • 38
      ÁC1 says:

      No. oh and don’t buy windows 8 (it’s looking like Vista version 2). In fact NEVER buy a windows OS till at least SP1 comes out.


      • 42
        nellnewman says:

        I don’t like change AC1 – I’ve got the three of us working 2 laptops and one desktop really well on Windows7.

        I know the problems that come from trying to upgrade or change systems. In the past after such experiments I’ve spent days getting all three computers back up and running.

        So I think I shall avoid windows 8 and apps thingies – at least for the time being!!


        • 66
          Desperate Dave says:

          Use Linux instead, the various GUI choices you have (e.g. Gnome, KDE, Cinnamon, MATE) are very good these days and as it’s Open Source there are *lots* of sources of information on the net about how to do things with it.

          Unlike Windows, you can try it out before installing it, by using a “Live CD” which.

          I recommend the Mint version of Linux (Mint) with Cinnamon GUI which is one of the choices of GUI that come with it.


          • Another Engineer says:

            I use linux too, but I wouldn’t recommended changing to anyone who has a working system!

            Keep Windows 7, it’ll be good for a long time yet.


          • Anonymous says:

            I still prefer semaphore, but sadly its a dying art. Plus the eyesight is getting a bit dodgy so the range has come down to about 25 yards. Still more reliable than Windows 7 though.


    • 83
      marvin TPA says:

      can’t you all just use your brains – as i do?

      all this belly-aching about technology being difficult is getting me down

      and as for my battery that wished be a ‘good day’ after charging me up – well I just ask you


  12. 32
    PermissionsSlapper says:

    Not working on my android 2.2 tablet. Probably because its wireless and has no sim/phone functions, so it cannot read phonecalls, access GPS or the other permissions it asks for which an app like this shouldn’t be asking for.


    • 37
      Ah! Monika says:

      on an Android phone, allow installation from unknown sources/ non market apps has to be enabled in security settings.


  13. 33
    Engineer says:

    Have they got an App for my recycled baked-bean tin and taut string?


  14. 36

    Dear Jim’ll Fix It
    Can you fix it for a girl in my class to come on holiday with me as i really fancy her?

    Yours sincerely

    Jeremy Forrest age 30


  15. 39
    "now come view the blog"? says:

    You in America then? I’ll pass, thanks.


  16. 40
    Smolt says:

    Is it true that Harriet Harman uses Gynoid?


  17. 46
    Jimmy Somerville says:

    I’ve been getting a lot of hate mail recently.


  18. 49
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Ed Balls has definitely lost it. David Millionaireband to replace Balls as shadow chancellor? As Ed Millionaireband the bottle to sack Balls?


  19. 51
    At second homes with the Cooper-Balls says:

    New BBC Sitcom
    At second homes with the Cooper-Balls.

    Yvette “Hello Darling, how was your day?”
    Ed – “Hmmm, Not bad. A lot of Tv. I’m a bit tired.”
    Yvette “Lasagne is in the oven. Shall I put Sky News on?”
    Ed – “no.”


  20. 54
    Aunty Matter says:

    Westminster dog of the year. How come Harriet Harman didn’t win?


    • 60
      Harridan Harmanhater says:

      Because I’m a bitch.


      • 81
        nellnewman says:

        harriet harman is a very sinister creature – she spent years of her life campaigning to make child abuse legal.

        As a mother and grandmother I find her completely repugnant!


        • 104
          Aunty Matter says:

          She has a face like a Bulldog’s arse cheeks when it’s taking a dump


        • 145
          Jim E Sovile says:

          It’s a wonder Harmann didn’t end up working for the BBC.


        • 151
          Anonymous says:

          she is unfazed.
          clearly she is even more protected than the excitable Blair.


        • 175
          Osama the Nazarene says:

          So true Nell, she was an officer of the National Council for Civil Liberties (NCCL) which morphed into today’s Liberty. During her time there they spent their time campaigning for civil rights for paedos and promoting PIE the Peadophile Information Exchange.


          • Osama the Nazarene says:

            Liberty (The National Council for Civil Liberties)

            In March 1976, the UK’s political pressure group Liberty, under their alternate name National Council for Civil Liberties, (NCCL) called for an equal age of consent of 14 in Britain. Its submission to the Criminal Law Revision Committee generated extensive newspaper coverage. Albeit the report recognised the merits for the abolition of the age of consent, it proposed the retention of a prohibition upon sex below the age of 14 “as a compromise with public attitudes”:[8]

            “Although it is both logical, and consistent with modern knowledge about child development, to suggest that the age of consent should be abolished, we fear that, given the present state of public attitudes on this topic, it will not be politically possible to abolish the age of consent”.[9]

            The NCCL argued “childhood sexual experiences, willingly engaged in, with an adult result in no identifiable damage”, suggesting more harm was caused when the children retold their experiences in court or to the press. The submission was signed by Harriet Harman who later went on to become leader of the House of Commons and deputy leader of the Labour Party.[10]


  21. 58
    • 96

      It’s wanky Do Nowt Daves own fault As yet again he lied to us when he said he would get rid of quango’s
      his failure to do so will come back to bite him on his little toff arse
      and make sure he loses the next erection


  22. 61
    Ah! Monika says:

    BBC radio 4 started the 9pm news. “Labour say that Britain’s economy is still weak” and did not report what the PM had to say until the end.

    Surely this can not be correct procedure? They certainly did not report what the Conservatives had to say first about any GDP announcement when Labour was in power.

    I would think announcing the official figures first, then a comment from the government followed by comments from opposition parties should be the neutral policy.


    • 65
      c.eng says:

      Neutral policy has little meaning to the Beeboid machine, but you would have thought Dave would have taken these little slips up with Fat Pang by now, but doubtless he has other important issues on his mind.


    • 69
      Aunty Matter says:

      We’re they downloading child porn at the time ?


    • 72
      The BBC are cunts says:

      We’re just immensely grateful that everyone’s learned the lessons, drawn a line under it and moved on from the Jimmy Sovile accusations.

      It all happened under Fatcher, anyway.


    • 78
      nellnewman says:

      We no longer need an EastEurope@n communist style state broadcaster for which we are all forced to pay a license fee.

      We are all fed up with their attempts at leftwing propaganda. For instance Youngnells tonight was watching attenborough and polar bears and being told that anthropogenic global warming is going to destroy all the polar ice and hence the bears.

      I had to intervene in the end and explain that actually attenborough had been conned by leftwing folks like jones of the uea and that actually polar ice , as shown by satellite, has increased over thee last 16 years , not decreased as the beeb keeps trying to tell us. And actually we now know the polar bear population in on the increase not the decrease!

      And if the beeb can lie over that they can lie over anything including savilegate!!

      And frankly since they have lied over those two things and much more besides the value of their output is derisory!!


      • 82
        Go sock it to them. says:



      • 148
        Good point says:

        Sky also run a daily puff piece (as a space/time filler) about the opening of the north west passage as being a/the direct result of the global warming which hasn’t been happening for the past 16 years.

        Comes complete with the fabled furry endangered polar bear diving off a very small piece of ice floe.


      • 149
        Marmite says:

        Well said nell. It’s nice to hear a Mother actually talking to a child. You don’t see much of that nowadays. :)


    • 128
      ÁC1 says:

      Puffing up Keynesianism is the narrative. Anything outside the narrative is not reported.


  23. 62
    Saffron says:

    Cammoron,one nation state indeed,in fact the last time we had a one nation state was under Disraeli.
    This state concerned England,but when eventually we embraced the other three we started to go downhill.
    The welsh assembly,the scottish assembly and the northern irish assembly should never have happened.
    As long as this situation is allowed to go on we are the losers,the one nation state was set up by the english and it involved as well a commonwealth.
    This one nation state was administered by the english and was sucessful and we prospered.
    Devolve powers to the other three and you have got a mis-mash of who wants power,which leads to what is national identity.
    Then you need to put into this mix the peoples who have come here from other countries and you then have a problem as to what is ONE NATION.


  24. 67
    nellnewman says:


    O/T tom watson the other day said in parliament that no10 was connected to
    ch ild ab use.

    Was he referring to this and his old boss?


    • 70
      Tom Fatson says:

      I’ve never heard of Gordon Brown. Who is he ?


    • 71
      Aunty Matter says:

      Brown abused 50 million English at least


      • 76
        nellnewman says:

        And then of course there was that Scottish pa ed o ph ile scandal that was so big in gordon and bliars day that bliar apparently slapped a D notice on it.

        Who were they trying to protect there??!!


        • 157
          Anonymous says:

          d….is a downer.
          for the daddy’s of this world.
          if we grew up a bit we would need ‘em less. Their freedoms depend on our inabilities.


    • 75
      nellnewman says:

      It was interesting tonight that the Scotland Yard chap reporting on the savile scandal said about ‘ people in positions of power’ – ‘we are coming after you’

      He obviously was conveying a hidden message to people that they had identified even though he did not name them tonight.


      • 87
        marvin TPA says:

        he probably read it in some cheap detective story

        depressing the language to which these people resort -then again perhaps he’s just a vogon in disguise

        wretched – just wretched!


      • 129
        An Old Lag says:

        They call it rattling people’s cages. It usually means they don’t have enough evidence and they hope someone will confess.


  25. 79
    Beg off says:

    There was a time when fake beggars made an effort to look genuine. Today’s fake beggars can’t even be bothered to do that. The other day I saw one in nice, clean clothes and wearing lipstick sitting outside a Sainsbury’s asking for change. Is there anybody really thick enough to give money to someone who’s so obviously not homeless?


    • 132
      An Oxfam Tin says:

      Yes. You have no idea how gullible the middle classes are these days. They think that because soomeone says they are ‘deprived’ they must be.


    • 173
      Ed Balls says:

      I was just experimenting with some of Mrs Balls stuff.


  26. 80
    marvin TPA says:

    is that all your android can do?

    it wouldn’t be worth my while getting out of battery dock to do just that

    i’m amazed at the small-mindedness that pervades the universe about me

    i suppose you’ll be wanting a cup of tea next


  27. 85
    Aunty Matter says:

    Ha wanker Mason on Newsnight claiming all the growth was down to the Olympics.


  28. 88
    Aunty Matter says:

    Fucks sake, Newsnight, doom, doom, doom.

    Stick to hiding stories about BBC perverts you c u nt z


  29. 89
    Question Crime says:

    UKIP’s arse kicking P*ul Nuttall on Question Time now. I already want to punch Mehdi Hasan after just seeing his smug face.


  30. 90
    Aunty Matter says:

    What a shock, Essler siding with the Liebore mong


  31. 91
    Question Crime says:

    It’s not been ten minutes and someone in the Question Time audience has already blamed Thatcher! Ironically she began by saying she’s tired of this government blaming the last Labour government! You couldn’t make it up!


  32. 92
    Question Crime says:

    Clare Perry tearing Emily Fatbelly a new one.


  33. 95
    Question Crime says:

    Someone should tell Emily Fatbelly it’s a bit hard to swallow her pontificating about cuts and the plight of the poor when she clearly likes to eat between meals.


  34. 97
    Question Crime says:

    I must say, I’d never taken Clare Perry seriously before but she’s doing a storming job tonight taking on Fatbelly and Hasan.


  35. 99
    Question Crime says:

    Emily Fatbelly on government plans to cap child benefit: “People have children for love, not money”.

    Sorry, I have to call an ambulance. My sides need stitching back together.


  36. 100
    It's all kicking off down here says:

    Newsnight must know its days are numbered so it doesn’t give a fuck how biased it is. Tonight’s edition was so blatantly anti-government it was laughable.The BBC must have something really juicy on Cameron if he doesn’t take the present opportunity to abolish the licence fee.


  37. 101
    Question Crime says:

    Not the typical Question Time audience tonight. Applause for Nuttall and for comments by audience members condemning benefit scroungers.


  38. 102
    Diogenes' stand-in says:

    Newsnight desperately looking for every possible economic negative, then Gavin Estler puts a token request to typically ignorant Labour c*nt to apologise for Labour’s ruining our economy, allows him to waffle and avoid the point, yet lets him constantly talk over Conservative Business Minister.


  39. 103
    garden shed says:

    This audience doesn’t sound particularly W. London. I thought Slough was still in Middlesex?


  40. 106
    Question Crime says:

    Talk about a rolling tumbleweed moment. Hasan just made an utter twat of himself with a miserable attempt at a joke, calling the child benefit cap “tough on babies, tough on the causes of babies”. He obviously expected to get a round of applause and enormous laughter. He didn’t get either.


  41. 108
    Question Crime says:

    Anyone looked into Fatbelly’s expenses? I have a feeling a fair few bars of chocolate are on her expenses forms.


  42. 111
    Labour are the enemy of Society says:

    That stupid Labour woman does not or does not want to understand that IDS is not attacking anyone who does their best to find work. What IDS is atticking is the system that encourages people not to work.

    Stupid Stupid Thick Labour COW


  43. 113
    Question Crime says:

    Savile question!


  44. 115
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Too far, too fast. The economy is flat-lining. We need a Plan ‘B’. It started in America. I am an economic genius.


  45. 116
    What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander says:

    Mehdi Hussan says Entwistle did not sexually abuse Children


    But neither did Rupert and James Murdoch hack phones.

    Why should the BBC be treated any differently to the Murdoch press? Is it because they are a bunch of Lefties?


    • 120
      Tom Fatson says:



    • 121
      Anonymous says:

      beeb’s crime is worse. Punishment will be worse.


    • 133
      nellnewman says:

      Entwistle may not have sexually abused children but he did try to cover the abuse up as did many of his predecessors. And not only that but they facilitated savile’s access to hundreds of children knowing he was a serial abuser.

      Yes they did know that!! And yet they kept giving him more and more children’s programmes and more access to vulnerable children to abuse.

      No doubt they were advised by HarriettHarman the campaigner for making child pornography and sex with minors legal, that this was best leftwing practice !!! Since she is also a mother – I regard her attitudes and actions as immensely evil!!


      • 138
        Brillo Time Now says:


        You are well on form tonight Nell. Unlike Mehdi Hussan who made a complete tit of himself (again).

        Yhe abuse occurred on BBC premises and BBC staff were aware of it, end of.


      • 154
        Anonymous says:

        anything goes for our so far safe establishment.


      • 158
        Anonymous says:

        The issue is the culture of innocent trust.

        Patten says of Newsnight editor “I could not have been expected to disbelieve a senior editor”.

        children are innocent.
        teenagers are a bit more grown.up


  46. 118
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

    I love Emily Fourbellys !!


    • 142
      Jimmy Savile says:

      She wasn’t fat when I knew her, when she was a little girl with braided hair and tinsel teeth and she called herself “Eliza.” (I bet you didn’t know she knew David Miliband back then either!)


  47. 119
    Tony Blair says:

    No one will ever know if I did a Savile. I’m well protected.


    • 125
      nellnewman says:

      During bliar’s and brown’s day there was a mega p@edophile scandal in scotland. bliar slapped a D Notice on it to protect powerful scottish people. I wonder who they could have been?!

      Some blogs are suggesting that brown is associated to HautDeLaGarenne.

      And tonight Scotland yard spokesmen has said they have uncovered evidence of people in power abusing children and that the Met will be going after them. Who can they mean?


      • 137
        East Ender says:

        There have been rumours for years about a Privy Councillor.


      • 156
        albacore says:

        When you start asking questions about who knew what
        What about all those James Bonds and Sherlocks they’ve got?
        Does it scan that the whole gang couldn’t find an elephant
        Or, perchance, that what they’ve fed US were placeboes and cant?


      • 164
        oink says:

        according to you everything is labours fault including thatcher and cameron FFS get a life


  48. 126
    uknow says:

    Question Crime

    UKIPer looking the best on the panel.

    Merdey Arsean looking an arse, but no surprise there.


  49. 134
    Diogenes' stand-in says:

    Did Labour’s Shadow Attorney General really say that “the EU is is beginning to realise that different countries have different cultures”?
    What a pillock!!


  50. 141
    Rog says:

    Immigrants’ Expenses Not Taxed

    UK staff are taxed on expenses, but some immigrants’ expenses are not taxed.

    HMRC should tax expenses incurred by immigrants brought into the UK by Intra-Company Transfer, in the same way that UK staff are taxed.

    It’s called Fairness™.


  51. 143
  52. 159
    Anonymous says:

    Shouldn’t the Banner homes add below be in either Russian or Arabic?


  53. 161
    macloid says:

    Reblogged this on Macloid's Weblog.


  54. 163
    oink says:

    cant post wont post


  55. 166
    Meatloaf says:

    I endorse….errr…..Ed Miliband for Prime Minister after thw 2015 General Election.

    Thank you all so much.


  56. 168
    him says:

    Doesn’t work on Samsung Galaxy Tab 2!!


  57. 169
    Mike says:

    Er… on iPhone this isn’t an app at all. It’s simply a version of the webpage that’s formatted for mobile devices. It not being in the App Store, it is not an App and in this form will always be free. It’s simply a webpage link that you can stick on your home screen!


  58. 170
    Jimmy Savile says:

    Could you make the app child friendly?

    I had a child friendly app on my phone.

    Tap the app and hey presto.


  59. 171
    Jimmy Savile says:

    They’re saying I shagged dead bodies now.(R5 live.)

    I had my enemies, but I didn’t think I had perverse one’s.


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Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.

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