October 19th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (EU Peace Prize Edition)

There’s signed copy of Philip Gould An Unfinished Life up for grabs this week signed by Alaistair Campbell, Georgia Gould, Dennis Kavanagh, Danny Finkelstein and Stan Greenberg.

Usual rules apply…


182 Comments

  1. 1
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Peace off Cameron.

    • 37
      PC Gatekeeper says:

      Pull my finger

      • 69

        ♬J’ai une toute nouvelle moissonneuse-batteuse,
        et je vous donnerai la clef!♬

        • 85
          UKIP.i.am says:

          Look Dave I can lift the front of my pants without using my hands.

        • 92
          LaboutNutter says:

          Dont’t worry Dave, The French have agreed to open up the common market as soon as the Germans accept responsibility for all of the Eurozones liabilities and the Germans will agree to reducing regulation as soon as the French agree to let the Bundestag run their treasury.

          • qui bono says:

            you are not to give them a referendum under any circumstances or yuan forget robin Europe in 2015

    • 44
      Anonymous says:

      After last December’s veto which turned out to be null and void. Dave has learnt his lesson to keep his much shut and sign.

    • 157
      H F Clark says:

      Finally, pass the wide end down through loop in the front and slide the knot up to your collar…tighter…tighter…and remember we don’t want Ashton back in the UK…tighter…

    • 173
      Lycan says:

      You’re not going anywhere

  2. 2
    Vimeiro says:

    For you the Euro is over.

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    “Keep them where I can see them”

  4. 4
    Sandalista says:

    “I tell you I have not got the Nobel Prize money on me!”

  5. 5
    Kulgan of Crydee says:

    Listen David, we got the Piece Prize because we have a little piece of Poland, a little piece of France …… Don’t mention the War!

  6. 6
    mike says:

    cam down cam down!

  7. 7
    Kebab Time says:

    Dave “You are taking the peace”

    Or

    “How has that peace prize been received in Greece”

    Or

    “Obama then EU? there is hope for North Korea after all”

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    “Can you please tell Nick Clegg to get up off his knees. At least now I know how he suckered you into inviting him into Government.”

  9. 9
    Moussa Koussa Mark 1 says:

    “signed by Danny Fu*ckwitstien”…No thanks

  10. 10
    Hugo First says:

    If you want to stab a man in the back Dave, you have to be right behind him.

  11. 11
    paddybriggs says:

    I’m sorry Mr Cameron this is a private meeting for European leaders only. Kindly leave the room.

  12. 12
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “I know what you’re thinking, punk– ‘Did he fire six slugs, or only five?’ I kinda lost track myself, in all the commotion. So ask yourself, ‘Am I feeling lucky?’ Well– are you, punk?”

  13. 13
    Call me Dave says:

    Dude facing Dave.

    “There is really no need for you to straighten my tie,Mr Prime Minister”

  14. 14
    idonotbelieveit says:

    So let me get this right Rumpy, you really think you won because you only fined Farage!!

  15. 15
    Owen Jones says:

    Suck on my prize piece.

  16. 16
    genghiz the kahn says:

    EU hack: “The European Union has won the Nobel peace prize for its efforts to promote peace and democracy in Europe.”

    Call Me Dave: “So tell me again what is this new European democratic model?”

    EU hack: Italy has an unelected ex EU commissioner, replacing an elected PM. Greece has its economic policy run by an unelected EU Troika.”

  17. 17
    Moussa Koussa Mark 1 says:

    “”Sorry for disrupting your flow, but will I also get six months in jail for getting in the way of a bunch of floppy hairs””

    *** Today the man who disrupted this year’s University Boat Race has been jailed for six months for causing a public nuisance **** What a joke !!!

  18. 18
    H Shandy says:

    “I’m telling you Dave, doggy position with Angela is not all it’s cracked up to be. My hands were that wide apart on her arse cheeks”.

  19. 19
    Dave if Only says:

    “Look here you Twat. It was NATO what kept the peace and not the EU!!!!”

    Well that’s what I would have liked Dave to have said.

  20. 20
    nellnewman says:

    The EU wants how many more £billions of the UK’s money?!!!

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Hey Cameron, have you seen my impression of an elephant

  22. 23
    nasal ed says:

    Ok Mr Cameron, I’ll give all the powers back you want………………..just please make that Farage bloke stop calling me names

  23. 24
    Blair Supporter says:

    Oh my, Tony – this new European Presidency job has aged you. But your hands are still doing MY thing.

  24. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Are you feeling lucky punk?….. Well are you?

  25. 26
    Tooth fairy says:

    Dave : Forgive me father, I have sinned.

    HVR : In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti : Three Hail Mary’s and pay us £13 billion to redeem your soul.

  26. 27
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “It’s a fair cop, officer, I won’t cause no trouble.”

  27. 28
    Moussa Koussa Mark 1 says:

    “”Well its like Davey Poos myself and Iain Dale were turned away from the B&B, and I want you to do something about it””

  28. 29
    Yuri Nate says:

    Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Daisy” “Daisy who?” “Daisy me rollin’, they hatin’….”

  29. 30
    Anonymous says:

    I come in peace, my hands are up & my trousers down around my ankles!

  30. 31
    Aaron D Highside says:

    “The books show the EU deficit is only this big.”

  31. 32
    Vladikavkaz says:

    Try as he might, Herman could never quite hide his dorsal fin under his clothes

  32. 34
    The Sleeper says:

    “You do realise, Mr Prime Minister, that you’re shaking hands with my cock,don’t you?”

  33. 35
    Gayer says:

    Listen Cameron, you British are not important any more. It’s not the 1940′s and you won’t be able to liberate Greece this time.

  34. 36
    It's the losing that counts. says:

    Guido. With a prize like that. No one is going to try and win.

  35. 38
    Anonymous says:

    When I was a boy this is what jimmy savile showed me

  36. 40
    tangentreality says:

    Rumpuy tried to calm Dave down after telling him about the Nobel, but it didn’t stop the Glasgow Kiss administered shortly afterward.

  37. 41
    Herman says:

    “You can have it back; I’m not touching it! I will not accept anything signed by Alistair Campbell!”

  38. 42
    Jim says:

    Let me just push these two aside, then you will have more room to do the “moonwalk” Mr Cameron!

  39. 43
    Steve Miliband says:

    You called us EuroPlebs so I wont let you in

  40. 45
    M says:

    When I was a boy jimmy savile showed me this

  41. 46
    Roger says:

    Leave it Dave, he’s not worth it

  42. 47

    No! No! Put your hands down. I want to surrender first.

  43. 49
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “Ce qui est un f*ckin’ pleb Monsieur Toff?”

    or

    “Was ist einen f*ckin pleb Herr Toff?”

    or

    “Lo que es un f*ckin pleb senor Toff?”

  44. 50
    Icarus says:

    I know, I know, it is worth nothing with Alaistair Campbell’s signature on it but we could give it as prize.

  45. 51
    Tuscan Tony says:

    “Did them both over my desk at the same time, Dave, I couldn’t Adam and Eve it”

  46. 52
    Roger The lodger says:

    Just man up, Dave. Go over there and ask Mary Portas how she’d keep the country running without cheaps European workers.

  47. 53
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Van Rumpuy Style

  48. 54
    Trenton Oldfield says:

    “No I’ve never been in a dressing room with Jimmy Saville”

  49. 55
    Rumpy says:

    Yah we’ve got EU style

  50. 56
    Steve Miliband says:

    Dave meets Ed’s puppetmaster

  51. 57
    Tuscan Tony says:

    It’s that shape because of the forceps delivery, Dave. I tell you now, never again.

  52. 58
    Frau Merkel says:

    Rumpy is saying to Dave.

    “The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”, uses every letter in the alphabet.””

  53. 59
    David Cameron, channelling his inner Moe Howard, says:

    “Niagara Falls! S-l-o-o-o-w-w-l-l-y I turned, step…by step, inch…by inch…”

  54. 60
    time says:

    No Mr Cameron it is not possible for you to leave.

  55. 61
    Adolf says:

    Agree the new EC budget, Mr Prime Minister, or we will launch Operation Sealion.

  56. 62
    timfoot says:

    “Stick ‘em up where, precisely, Prime Minister?”

  57. 63
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    And no more of this 3 o’clock in the morning veto shit !

  58. 64
    Mr Rotivator says:

    Calm down dear, it’s only a Nobel prize

  59. 65
    @SkyNewsMan says:

    “Look, David, Blue Bull gives you wings!”

  60. 66
    alexei says:

    Peace Rompey?Hands up I’m loaded.

  61. 68
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Of course we will welcome the UK’s increased EU budget grant with open alms.

  62. 72
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    Dave: Just do me a favour rumpy can you take Cleggy back in the EU , he really is starting to piss me off.

  63. 73
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and CODFATHER of SOLE says:

    Can you drill the corner of the book for me so i can hang it on the nail in my outside shitter
    I’ve always wanted to wipe my arse on Alistair Campbell

  64. 74
    Peter Grant says:

    “So Herman, when are you going to do the Nobel thing?”

  65. 75
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and CODFATHER of SOLE says:

    Cameron “So what is my cut of the 1.2 Billion quid prize money” ?

  66. 76
    tottenham chutzpah says:

    euro to Dave: were you invited?

  67. 78
    tottenham chutzpah says:

    euron to Dave: I suppose you’re wondering why we asked you to come here tonight

  68. 79
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Five add three makes ten. Now will you support us.

  69. 80
    AnalStatistician says:

    “Wow – you managed to tell a lie that wide and nobody noticed??”

  70. 81
    The Great Bondini says:

    Cameron: “Why, I oughta….”
    Rumpuy: “Leeeve eeet, Cammy, eet ain’t worth eet”
    Cameron: “Well…..OK”
    Rumpuy: “QED, zis is why we win zee peace prize. LOL”.

  71. 82

    “No, you cannot have a rebate on Britain’s contributions. Listen, the million from that Nobel Peace Prize will go nowhere in shoring up the Euro! It won’t last 5 minutes!

  72. 83

    You can see the ventriloquist’s support bar through the back of his suit.

  73. 84
    gramma says:

    “Relax David. Stupid Europeans we may be, The Nobel committee too for giving us the prize, but there’s no fukcing way we’ll take Bliar on as our President”.

  74. 86
    Universal Hiss says:

    “I stole this gesture from the Pope.”

  75. 87
    I Squiggle says:

    OK, ok. I’ll tell the Nobel Prize committee you are fixing the electricity meter..

  76. 88
    Enemy of the State says:

    “All this authority I will give You, and their glory; for this has been delivered to me, and I give it to whomever I wish. Therefore, if You will worship before me, all will be Yours.”

    or in modern

    “It has all been handed over to me, and I can give it to anyone I choose. All this will be yours, then, if you worship me.”

  77. 89

    Bog Off means Bog Off

  78. 90
    the poor bloody tax-payer says:

    euro to Dave: so you rent out one property and have the PBT* pay your rent on another – then the silly buggers re-elect you – we have much to learn from the great British democratic tradition

    for listeners at home only PBT = poor bloody taxpayer

  79. 91
    Maxed out says:

    “You need hands to hold someone you care for
    You need hands to show that you’re sincere
    When you feel nobody wants to know you
    You need hands to brush away his tears….”

  80. 93
    Steve Lloyd. says:

    Mr Cameron in 2015 you will be the new EU president, providing you carry on doing what we tell you to do in the meantime of course.

  81. 94
    Universal Hiss says:

    Tailor gets the last laugh when his M for merde suit is on display for the first time.

  82. 95
    A Pipe Dream of what Dave should be saying says:

    No fucking way chopper. I’m sending Clegg to pick up the peace prize, he’s the last man in Britain who supports you lot.

  83. 96
    Dougy says:

    “That’s it, you had your chance. I will get Mossad to sabotage Farage’s plane next time..”

  84. 97
    Nige says:
  85. 98
    Van Rompuys latest Haiku says:

    “Hi David, I wrote a new haiku about what will happen after this meeting to you, Ja ?”

    “After Brussels defeat
    Pleb backbenches savage PM
    thanks to whips cock up”

  86. 99

    We have got Obama’s leaving present. It’s a box of CD’s this big but we got it cheap and it will only play in East Asia region.

  87. 100
    A cod says:

    Your fishing quota will be this big.

  88. 101
    Maverick Ways says:

    DAVE: Yes, Herman, but we don’t call it a referendum. We call it a plebiscite.

  89. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Mr C. role-playing his new role as a customs offical after the next election

  90. 104
    michael says:

    David…

    -vacate your mind

    -look deep into my eyes

    -connect with your inner EU

    -now join the mantra… no-ref-er-en-DUM…no-ref-er-en-DUM…no-ref-er-en-DUM

  91. 105
    Dave says:

    I see it still doesn’t take much to make a Belgium put his hands up.

  92. 106
    Robert Pullen says:

    Calm down dear, its just a Nobel peace prize

  93. 107
    plebiscites R us says:

    Dave to euro: it doesn’t apply to Briain – we’re not a democracy

  94. 108
    martin griffin says:

    “Just like that”

  95. 109
    Brussels Got Talent says:

    And next week we’ll work on your Rumba

  96. 110
    Snaplegs says:

    Dave: “You got it for Peace you say? Let’s see exactly how long your “Peace” lasts when British Forces Germany shuts up shop and moves back to Blighty. “

  97. 111
    Rodski says:

    Listen Dave, just keep the bullshit going. We’ll finalize the federal thing, then you and yer coalition bitches get a f‘kin cracking job here in fortress Brussels. OK!

  98. 112
    Nonny Mouse says:

    EU Negotiations: Clegg assumes Chinese Accordian position!

  99. 113
    idle says:

    “Famous Belgians, you say? Okay, hold on a minute, this used to come up at school. Umm….. Tintin, Eddy Merckx, err….. hang on, I know there’s one more…”

    *stage whisper* “van Rompuy?”

    “Nope, not him, whoever he is…….. Plastic Bertrand! That’s the chap!”

  100. 114
    OIE says:

    Calm down dear, there is no way we’re relinquishing our award for Margaret Thatcher. No matter how many times you offer me ‘Tea Boy’ Clegg.

  101. 116
    peas in our thyme says:

    Post lunch diplomacy.
    EU minister tries to diffuse the situation when yet again the workings of Brussels threatens to irritate opposing parties.

  102. 117
  103. 119
    plebiscites R us says:

    Dave to pleb: I said referendum – stupid!

  104. 120
    EH says:

    Calm down, dear

  105. 121
    Van RumpyPumpy says:

    It’s supposed to be me that says ‘Your money or your life’.
    Keep the prize thanks.

  106. 123
    Universal Hiss says:

    “I’ll push these two over. You take Farrage.”

  107. 124
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Van Rompuy doing impression of Tommy Cooper says…

    “David, you’re going to sign away the British.. ‘Just like that’”!

  108. 125
    JH says:

    Monsieur Cameron – we give you anything – treaty concessions, fishing rights, vetos, anything – just promise me Brown will not be back, oui?

  109. 126
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave: We use a doorknocker at Number 10 – we should have won the No-bell Prize.

  110. 128
    tomknott says:

    So what do you think of my boob job, David?

  111. 129
    In_out_shake_it_about says:

    Cameron: “Give me my country back”.
    Rompy: “Non”

  112. 130
    Maximus says:

    “Sorry Hermann, but your Gangnam Style needs more development. 17 syllables doesn’t cut in Korea. Or here, if I may say so”.

  113. 131
    a non says:

    You put both hands in. Both hands out.
    Dave contemplates saying okey dokey, while Rumpy Pumpy practices his EU Hokey Cokey.

  114. 132
    Anonymous says:

    You lead, I’ll follow

  115. 133
    Loungelizard says:

    Non…non not personally David but I can ask around. A service flat at a prestigious address in London you say, for a rental of about twelve months..

  116. 134
    Tiger Tiger says:

    Just carry on lying for us Dave, until you lose the next election. Then you can have a nice job in Europe. Wouldn’t you like to have a turn as unelected leader of Greece, or Italy … or take your pock!

  117. 135
    Liarpoliticians says:

    On this hand I control Angela Merkel, and on this one, I control you David. For I am Van Rompuy, the Belgian puppet master!

  118. 136
    Buster Gasket says:

    Your latest MP’s expenses rent-swap scandal is a real bummer for you. Here in Brussels we claim as much as we like, nobody objects, and we simply ignore the Auditor’s Reports. Simples.

  119. 137
    bishop brennan says:

    Damp rag gives Dave advice on handling the Jimmy Saville case based on Belgium’s establishment cover-up of the Dutroux affair…

  120. 138
    ste says:

    “Hahahaha you need to get elected to be here Hahahaha!”

  121. 139
    Martin says:

    ‘See, I told you I could fit 3 doughnuts on it’

  122. 144
    The Moose says:

    “I only dance Gangnam style with Boris”

  123. 145
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    “OK, Dave, I’ll admit it, I’m really Jimmy Savile and I’m still alive, disguised as Herman Von Rumpoy. I just faked my death because the truth-diggers were getting too close to me and Ted Heath. Now tell me, Dave, what’s the name of that pub where you keep leaving your daughter…… ?”

  124. 146
    Counted them in ... where are they now? says:

    “Philip,I thought you were dead”.

  125. 147
    Iain the Analyst says:

    Look I have a discounted gas price tracker deal on montgky credit and I was thinking of switching to EdF Blue+ direct debit tariff on a 2 year fix – what do you think ?

  126. 150
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Is that a sawn-off in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

  127. 151
    Conservative Cactus says:

    This…is…SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

  128. 152
    moby dick says:

    Thankyou Eu directive on Uk prisoners to enjoy conjugal visits has come at right time for me

  129. 153
    nanowill says:

    ze ‘cast iron’, how iz it you make?

  130. 155
    Black Adder's Codpiece says:

    “It may look like a cucumber I’m pointing at you Herman. But it’s from the MI5 canteen”.

  131. 158
    Dickie Davies says:

    I don’t care how much you beg, Dave – Britain can NOT join the €uro and that’s that!

  132. 159
    anonemo says:

    I don’t care who you are, if you don’t pay for the upgrade you’re not getting in! Now fuck off!

  133. 160
    The savant says:

    Farage was right. You do look like a low level bank clerk .

    but ALL. The charisma of a damp rag ??
    That s over egging it .

  134. 161
    Bond Age Girl says:

    That haircut won’t fix it Jim!

  135. 162
    Lizzie says:

    Look, Cameron, if you don’t turn up with everyone else to collect the Peace Prize I’ll thump you myself!

  136. 164
    Cressida's Dick says:

    ‘ I should be so lucky Hermann. Bastard Farage only trashed your reputation, he’s going to trash my chances of a majority’.

  137. 165
    Sylvio says:

    Rumpy

    :Ok Cameron, here are your orders for the day————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
    -now look as though you are putting up at least token resistance and also —–f-ck off

    - got that?

    Cameron:

    Yes, your royal highness.

  138. 166
    wight tory says:

    “Look David, this is my final offer, stay in the EU and for £160, I’ll upgrade you to the Gravy Train”

  139. 167
    blub says:

    Think bubble: “He’s so masterful – sigh”

  140. 168
    Euro News says:

    No Comment

  141. 169
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I am a Bullshitter myself, but, I do like to hear a professional at it. So please continue!!’

  142. 170
    curious says:

    You don’t have a whip on you by any chance?

  143. 171
    Paul Gould says:

    “You and hoos armie – mon petit jail bitch”

  144. 172
    Unhappy with Dave says:

    Then you do the hokey cokey and turn around ……..

  145. 174

    Your right hand out ….left hand out
    Fiddle with the figures till we aint got nowt
    Threaten wimpy cammi
    With the pension pot
    That’s what EUs about.

    Oh…. Brussels is the place boys
    Oh…. no more time to waste boys
    Oh what a lovely place boys

    Lets get the next trough out!

  146. 176
    Everyone says:

    Compare the meek twat
    simples!

  147. 177
    Matt says:

    HVR: There is no escape, Mr Cameron, no escape
    DC: *Middle Finger*
    [cue dramatic music and action sequence in which DC overcomes HVR with a damp rag]

    …. I wish!!

  148. 178
    on your bike says:

    EU stability discussion.
    Dave explains he prefers having Mitchell with cycling problems to being Hollande with a threewheeler [Trierweiler.]

  149. 179
    Penfold says:

    Look into my eyes….

    You vill do our bidding…

  150. 180
    scoobysnacks says:

    “Don’t worry Dave, I can’t run a piss-up in a brewery either!

  151. 181
    Chuck Berry says:

    - this here song
    it aint so sad
    the cutest little song that you all ever had

    those of you
    who will not sing
    must be playing with your own ding-a-ling

    my ding-a-ling
    my ding-a-ling
    I want you to play with MY ding-a-ling

  152. 182
    Ben Elton says:

    EU gets Peace Prize I do not get joke.


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Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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