October 11th, 2012

Computer Hacker’s Mum is Shadow Minister

It has been pointed out to Guido that Helen Jones is in fact a Shadow DCLG Minister. Despite being deeply unpopular due to her rudeness, Jones seems to be getting away from any responsibility after it emerged this morning that her son had been suspended from the party for computer hacking.

One of her PLP colleagues pointed out to Guido just now:

“If this was Eric Pickles’ minister we would be demanding that they stand aside… A minister’s child, who was in the ruling group of a local council? We would be jumping all over this.”

What did the Shadow Minister know and when? Etcetera…


  1. 1

    It is so busy in Scandal Land at the moment that we had better start having them two at a time…

  2. 2
    Labour says:

    Haven’t you learnt by now? When we do something, it’s ok. When anyone else does it, it’s evil. Got that? Now shut the fuck up before we get Al Campbell to take you down to Harrowden Hills.

  3. 3
    E Ballso says:

    You gotta admire her hypocrisy. I’ll get her on my treasury team asap!

  4. 4
    Ed Miliband says:

    It’s not your money, it’s the government’s money!

  5. 5
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Why hasn’t Ed Millionaireband called for a judge led enquiry?
    Why hasn’t Tom Watson commented?
    Why hasn’t big mouth Chris Bryant commented?

  6. 6
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Gategate – Labour Councillor in trouble.

    – Councillor Brian Gate quits job after he is arrested on child porn allegation
    – Cllr Gate in charge of ‘protecting vulnerable children’ at Harrow Council
    – Council rated ‘adequate’ for safeguarding of children while he was in charge


    ‘too unwell’ to take calls.

  7. 7
    Gronk watch says:

    Looks like her barber put the pudding bowl on at an angle.

  8. 8
    BBC News editor says:

    Nothing to see, run along now you Tory bastards. I fully support David Liddiment who said: ‘The BBC’s reputation for and commitment to impartiality is part of its DNA.”

  9. 9
    Elton John says:

    I spent a fortune to get a hair cut like that.

  10. 10
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    A bit tenuous Guido old chap.

    The ‘child’ is an adult and responsible for his own actions.

    No reason why his mum should be held to account for them – even if she is a Labour baggage.

  11. 11
    Chucky says:

    I like arms dealers, who I really hate, but I’m very pro-Is*el, and wish for the P*lestinians to be victorious over them. But most of all, I think corporations and bankers are evil crooks, whom I’ve arranged to sponsor a drinks evening to discuss my offshore assets with them.

  12. 12
    Twonky Wonky says:

    But Lefties would only ever use those positions for good and to appropriate to themselves that which properly due whether data or cash. Pickles is an evil Tory and so, obviously, are all his family and policies and friends. Simple.

  13. 13
    JS says:

    “A minister’s child, who was in the ruling group of a local council? We would be jumping all over this.”

    I’d definitely be jumping all over it.

  14. 14
    big brother says:

    You’ve got Labour doublespeak off to a t

  15. 15
    E Ballso says:

    That’s what you think, Ed Miliwrongbrotherband. I learned from El Gordo, the Saviour of the World. He knocked it into me with a Nokia.

  16. 16
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Looks like she did it herself in the mirror with a pair of garden shears.

  17. 17
    The BBC Bias Unit, headcount 14,263 and rising says:

    Yep, all clear.

    Now, today’s news: Syria, Syria, Arab Spring, Tory cuts, Tory cuts… Wha’? Kiddie fiddling at the Beeb? Beeb stars abusing hospital patients? Nah, nothing to see here. Ssshhh.

  18. 18
    Aunty Matter says:

    BBC will be silent on this unlike a certain female Tory MP and her rugby playing son. In that case the BBC went on and on and on.

  19. 19
    Jimmy says:

    Not in the least desperate.

  20. 20
    ceebeeboys says:

    3 billion quid for this? Shouldn’t that money be spent on schools and hospitals instead of catamites and cocaine?

  21. 21
    Another Engineer says:

    Hacker, Cracker, or Script Kiddie?

    Shouldn’t he be extradited to the US for that kind of thing?

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Except when it’s Labour doing the smearing of course.

  23. 23
    Plato says:

    I agree. In what way is she responsible for this? She might not even have known?

  24. 24
    Loungelizard says:

    David Cameron only has to have been suspected of maybe once traveling on the same bus route as some wrong doer for it to be hung round his neck like the proverbial albatross of doom.

  25. 25
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    If you for one moment believe that the BBC will be ‘shut down’ because of this Saville scandal they you are a deluded fool.

    The BBC is at the heart of the British establishment and nothing will ever be allowed to disrupt it, its message or it’s powers of legalized extortion. Politicians fear the BBC and are powerless to bring it to heal.

    It’s not some tuppence-halfpenny outfit like NOTW, it’s a cornerstone of the elite and consequently is going nowhere. Get used to it.

  26. 26
    A moment to reflect says:

    Let’s all stop to have a minute’s laughter to remember Abu Hamza is now in an American Supermax prison.

  27. 27
    Selohesra says:

    Or indeed the vital story of MP calling a pleb a pleb – I thought it was refreshing to have politician speak frankly rather than than their normal meaningless douublespeak

  28. 28
    Selohesra says:

    looks like modbot broken – small round green veg got through :)

  29. 29
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Yes but two wrongs don’t make a right and all that…

  30. 30
    Helen Jones says:

    Fuck you all! I’m not rude! How dare you say that?! Fuck off! I’m a fucking great MP and my son is a great person, you fucking bastards! Just fuck off!

  31. 31
    Jimmy the Dhimmi says:

    But you’re coming across that way.

  32. 32
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Can’t we just call it Briangate?

  33. 33
    The BBC are cunts says:

  34. 34
    Voter says:

    He’s worth it

  35. 35
    A Pedant says:

    I would argue that the albatross is poetical rather than proverbial.

  36. 36
    National Socialist says:

    Not looking good on the Quatada extradition front though…

  37. 37
    OnBenefits says:

    I’m watching Bargain Hunt on the BBC and Catherine Southon is delectable.

  38. 38
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    I don’t see why?

    Schools are turning out the dumbest little fucks imaginable and our hospitals are death traps.

    Catamites and concaine seem like good value in comparison.

  39. 39
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    I didn’t know there was a choice. Can I have three hookers and a crate of whisky please?

    Much more useful to me than schools and Trident submarines.

  40. 40
    jgm2 says:

    It seems as if the bedwetters in the Labour party and their fellow travellers in the BBC are nothing but a bunch of no*nces and non*ce enablers.

    I wonder which came first?

    Non*cing by the Labour party or the cover-up of non*cing by the BBC?

  41. 41
    EdMiliband says:

    Have I mentioned wunathhun today?

  42. 42
    fruitcake says:

    ’tis a modern jaunty look…..nope you’re right

  43. 43
    Loungelizard says:

    Agreed, just wish someone would tell the opposition.Continually watching your party being stuffed by the devious manipulation of half truths leads to….whatever.

  44. 44
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Or, indeed could we argue that it is existential?

  45. 45
    Loungelizard says:

    Having never met an albatross in the flesh I’d argue that in this case it may well prove to be imaginary.

  46. 46
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Was it with rice?

  47. 47
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    They took his hook away and he said he needed someone in jail to wipe his arse for him as he couldn’t do it without his prosthesis.

    So apparently he wipes his arse with a hook. That might account for his rather angry disposition might it not?

  48. 48
    jgm2 says:

    It’s fucking long. I know that.

  49. 49
    Eddie Imperialband says:


  50. 50
    Plato says:

    Ah – nothing exists unless you’ve seen it?

  51. 51
    Jimmy says:

    Guidophiles don’t believe white people should be extradited to the US

  52. 52
    Thrasher Mitchell says:

    Oy Vey,Guess who will replace me as Chief Whip ?

    None other than our very own “Mad” Frankie Maude.

    This will be as good as it gets for the Tories.

  53. 53
    Fluffy Thoughts says:

    Why hasn’t big mouth Chris Bryant commented?

    One think’s that we have seen enough of that “member’s” stained pants. And one does not believe any of his shyte will ever come [sic] out within a wash.

  54. 54
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    You either need to:

    1) Go and see an optician; or
    2) Buy a new TV set; or
    3) Raise your standards quite a bit.

  55. 55
    jgm2 says:


    The very existence of a single Labour MP after the total clusterfuck they made of the UK economy is an insult in itself.

  56. 56
    The BBC are cunts says:


  57. 57
    Fluffy Thoughts says:

    Guidophiles don’t believe white people should be extradited to the US

    What’s colour got to do with Cronie-and-Imelda’s JPMorgan-pension?

  58. 58
    Jimmy says:

    The quality of the smears here has definitely nosedived since Shapps took over.

  59. 59
    Rupert says:

    Here we go with the racist smearing again.. What is it with this bloke?

  60. 60

    It is just a moniker for heaven’s sake. Oh! You are reading it as if it were a message, are you?

    Time to close the BBC down? Te he he! Never thought of that before…

  61. 61
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Given the flow of people between Labour and the BBC (Bradshaw, Del Piero, MacNulty etc) questions might start to be asked of MPs who might have been around the BBC at the time.

  62. 62

    You can say pea now but I am not so sure about arseholes.

    St Pаul’s is strictly verboten!

  63. 63
  64. 64

    That is because, he knows that, when the whole Lab thing collapses, we are his only chance of getting a job.

  65. 65
  66. 66
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    So you have a needlessly long moniker that you claim isn’t a message,

    You frothing anti-BBC wingnuts are fucking amazing!

  67. 67
  68. 68
    Erwin Schrödinger says:

    But is it dead?

  69. 69
  70. 70
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    Do I take it your moniker is NOT in fact a message?

    Ceci n’est pas une pipe!

  71. 71
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    Yes, yes of course I do. You fucking loon.

  72. 72
    Pitch Fork-Wielding Peasant says:

    Burn him !!!

  73. 73
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    In case anyone is tempted to do so…


    Thank you.

  74. 74
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    I think he may just be a fucking dick.

    Just a hunch.

  75. 75
    close the bbc says:

    Anyway, it was the owner of the paper who closed NOTW, not the state or the law.

    That’s why the bbc licence fee needs to be scrapped, so they can be held properly accountable as a privatised concern (if they could keep going).

  76. 76
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    Oh God not Bagpuss?

    Those poor mice.

  77. 77
    John Cleese says:

    THIS is the proverbial “Albatross,” innit?

  78. 78
    BBC Watch Watch says:

    When I ready your posts, I imagine them spoken by the late Jimmy Clitheroe (The Kid Himself) in broad Lancastrian.

    It makes your comments vaguely entertaining, which they would otherwise not be.

  79. 79
    kinnockio says:

    If he votes like a dick and talks like a dick, he is probably a dick.

  80. 80
    JH says:

    Yes, I’m sure millions would pay to watch Labour MPs given a nice soft soap of an interview at every opportunity.

    If privatised the BBC’s revenues would go the way of the Guardian’s, and they know it.

    Either that or – ugh – stop trying to force smart-arsed dripping wet lefty multi-culti internationalist Gramsciian bullshit into the viewer’s eyes and ears.

  81. 81

    Young James likes to play the old “If you can’t blind them with science, baffle them with bullshit” act – or being a LieBore party member, as it is more commonly known.

    How’s that nice millionaire by inheritance RetardEd Militwat settling in, young James?

  82. 82

    Or “get out a bit” or even “Get a life”?

  83. 83
    Dianne Fatbutt says:

    you forgot the keyword Labour

  84. 84
    JH says:

    Racist smearing is all they have left. Literally.

    Their policies (aka tax the shit out of everybody, piss it up the wall, rely on debt to make things look rosy for a bit and hope for the best) have been proven to be an utter failure.

    But come up with something new? Never. Just carry on, and smear everyone hoping to cruise into No.10 on a heady mixture of voter apathy, disgust and corruption.

  85. 85
    john in cheshire says:

    Looks like her son has been hacking at it.

  86. 86
    Chief Constable Bent B'tard says:

    I Have. It was round Gordo’s neck name of Ed Sometwat.

  87. 87

    It’s really great.

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    When: November 5th, 2012 6pm – 10pm
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    What: Guy Fawkes Night “The Biggest British Event Florida has ever seen!” (2011 had almost 3000 attendees)

    For 400 years, bonfires have burned on November 5th to mark the failed Gunpowder Plot…Now we are bringing “Bonfire Night” to the heart of Kissimmee, Florida for a wonderful family festival!

    This year’s Guy Fawkes Night promises to offer a giant bonfire, the biggest selection of authentic British foods and beers, rides & games, superb fireworks display, music, a competition for the best “Guy” effigy, games, rides, and much, much more.

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    6:00pm – 10pm at Champions World Resort
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    407-401-9690 for questions

  88. 88
    Jimmy says:

    I do something similar with you lot

  89. 89
    Spank Sinatra says:

    And today’s new word is:-


    No need for applause. Public service blogging & all that etc…

  90. 90
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Care to stick a rocket up your arse for posting crap like this? No further questions.

  91. 91
    Helen-who-the-fook-Jones says:

    Let’s get one fooking thing straight. I’m fooking not bleeding Hunting rude, OK?

  92. 92
    Don't keep budgies too tightly penned says:

    I searched for ‘under-exposure’ and came up with this.


  93. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Never heard of the woman, but if this is a significant problem I’d recommend checking out Penélope Cruz or Salma Hayek on Google Images as a possible cure.

  94. 94
    His Master's Voice says:

    The Atlantic is one ocean.
    Juan O Shen is a Spanish bloke.
    Guan au chien is probably dog poo in Paris.

  95. 95
    Laughing hangman says:

    He will be when he meets bubba on ‘b’ wing

  96. 96
    Laughing hangman says:

    Not until you and your scum sucking son stop feeding off the people.

  97. 97
    keredybretsa says:

    Was he hacking the Shadow Cabinet? What will Hugh Grant say about this?

  98. 98
    50 Calibre says:

    You should get out abit more…

  99. 99
    lefties, greens and assorted nonces and muhammedans have fucked my country up the arse says:

    It’s worse than than that OTB, the dumb little fucks have all got A+ grades and think they’re fucking geniuses, just because they ticked the right box in answer to question:

    “Is global climate warm change (a) a good thing (b) the planet is being destroyed, quick do something”

  100. 100
    Dave E says:

    Please – alleged computer hacking. Hate to see you in court.

  101. 101
    Georgeous George says:

    Do as I say and not as
    I do?

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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