October 10th, 2012

Have You Got the Guido App?


  1. 1
    Ed Militwat says:



    • 28
      Anonymous says:

      There were hardly any women in the Conservative party conference. No women MP or minister was praised by Cameron. Cameron mentioned his dad not his mum.

      What is Cameron’s problem with women?


      • 29
        Rhona Cameron [David's lesbian sister] says:

        Maybe it was their time of the month?


        • 42
          Anonymous says:

          He also goes on about gay marriage but not lesbian marriage.


          • Anonymous says:

            What is the point in gay marriage if they cannot marry in church, mosque, etc?


          • stun says:

            There does seem to be a contradiction here in that (some) gays are insisting on their right to their own ‘beliefs’ whilst running roughshod over those of the religions. I am not religious, but if I were I would fear a situation where my church (or whatever) tried to refuse a gay marriage on the grounds of belief (B&B owners, anyone?), even if it were on a voluntary system. I also find it odd that gays would want to marry anywhere that it wasn’t welcomed with open arms.

            I’m sure others are more qualified to comment, as I’m neither gay nor religious, but there does seem to be a wrecking agenda going on here. An interesting question for libertarians too – whose freedoms are being protected here?


          • ÁC1 says:

            The obvious answer is that marriage is a brand. It’s up to each church to decide if they marry gays (freedom of association).
            Marriage shouldn’t be a state thing.


          • oh what a gay day... says:

            I can’t understand why they can’t get married in a side closet or something in the church grounds…old crypts etc that could be easily adapted for use..problem solved.


          • Abu Abas Abat says:

            Same here – neither gay nor religious, and I don’t see why arse-bandits feel the need to piss over someone else’s beliefs, that’s not what I call liberal or libertarian. I do notice they are not pushing the we-must-have-the-right-to-get-married-in-a-mosque line, though. Funny that.


      • 33
        UKIP.i.am.awake says:

        He didn’t praise any black MPs either. Has he a problem with black people?

        I’d like to know off-hand which female Tory MP have deserved any praise? Chloe Smith? Theresa May? I think not. Although he did mention something praiseworthy about her getting rid of Hooky.

        And how many female MPs did Ed Millionaireband praise in his speech?


      • 66
        Brother where art thou? says:

        There were hardly any Trapist monks there either.

        What is Cameron’s problem with monks?


      • 154
        Sistas r doing it 4 themselves says:

        Were they all at home preparing their mens tea ?


      • 162
        Arshb 'tfaer says:

        Cameron just deals with individuals on their merit, regardless of gender, skin tone, sexual orientation or any other single-issue pressure group’s wank fantasy.

        Take your positive discrimination and run back to your outreach facilitator.


    • 58
      Why Fie says:

      I don’t even have internet access.


      • 130
        UKIP.i.am.awake says:

        I don’t even exist in this universe. I use an ZXD3 universe traversing app to get in touch with you insignificant humans.


  2. 2
    Get your life dictated to by a scrounging student arsehole says:

    Yes. It is ok.


  3. 3
    SHAMEFUL says:

    looks rubbish


  4. 4
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    £11,000 for a policewoman’s hurt feelings: Yard must pay for taking away her sniffer dog when she fell pregnant

    Fell pregnant FFS she was lying down!


  5. 5
    Good Blog Once says:

    This blog is decidedly on the decline.

    Guido is not paying attention anymore. He’s not shoving his nose into the things that matter anymore. He’s too busy churning out his Star column and promoting stupid ‘apps’. He is fat and lazy and doomed.


  6. 7
    Peter Bone says:

    Yes,and I also follow Guido Fawkes on twitter.

    He’s a legend in his own lunchtime.


  7. 8
    Ed Ballshit says:

    Yes i have but I don’t use it.


  8. 10
    Aunty Matter says:

    Like anal I tried it once and didn’t like it.


  9. 11
    Jimmy says:

    Be fair. Running a pro government blog these days can’t be much fun.


    • 16
      Socialism is a severe mental illness says:

      It’ll liven up when the public sector scum start getting their jobs axed in their hundreds of thousands, the unfunded pensions of the remaining get slashed to the bone and Labour’s beloved benefit-claiming parasite filth start getting their “free money” reduced.

      Then it gets really fun.


    • 18
      no more boom, we're busted says:

      You’re right Jimmy, it was much more fun and entertaining when bonkers Brown was having a meltdown every fucking week.


      • 34
        smoggie says:

        Quite. And some nutters want a return to the good old days.


      • 49
        Jimmy says:

        So I think we’re all agreed. There’s only one way to rescue this blog from terminal decline. Vote Labour.

        You know it makes sense.


        • 69
          stun says:

          Admittedly it may be more fun for piss-taking purposes, but the shine may wear off a little as the next Labour government finishes off the job it so nearly managed in its 13 years and drives us all back into caves after ban*krupting the country. On the plus side, at least Harriet will insist that the mammoth-hunting will be carried out on an equal opportunities basis.


          • Jimmy says:

            I find the present administration more than satisfactory in terms of piss taking opportunities. Grant Shapps alone (or at least with his imaginary customers) would be enough to be getting on with.


          • Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

            They have nothing on McMental’s gang of liars, bullies and smearers.

            Brown himself exceeded Cameron’s entire government for piss-taking opportunities. At least most of the Coalition can smile without looking as if they are trying to take their first dump for a fortnight.


          • Jaqueline Dromey- washing the dishes in the kitchen says:

            Harriet is not pleased that there are no wimin in the Great British Bake Off Final !


        • 74
          Anonymous says:

          Only if we get McMental back, Ed Milibland is as boring as, well, Ed Milibland.


        • 165
          retardEds says:

          We should borrow more! The tories are cutting too fast! The tories are borrowing too much!

          If you think the libdems are clueless in power, imagine what the socialists would be like, they can’t even decide if they want to borrow or not.


    • 20
      sekwaf odiug says:

      I think Guido and Hal have a cracking time, free booze to keep them on side, nights out, journos pass to the HoC, be at the cutting edge of politics and who knows a chance of being invited to stand for Tories at a GE, make appearances on the idiots lantern and a good time in hospitality.


      • 91
        Anonymous says:

        if someone is trying to better their life then they need to be supported.

        Britain for the Striving Class, you know it makes sense, don’t you?


  10. 13
    anonymous says:

    cameron sells his old car just like he sells the country – for his own financial gain



  11. 14
    Get it on your mobile FOR free. English, please, ENGLISH says:

    Don’t tell me – it requires permission to

    Access your address book
    Modify your address book
    Check Network state
    Full Internet Access
    Send texts
    Make calls


  12. 15
    sekwaf odiug says:

    No. Why? I haven’t a smarty phone anyway


  13. 17
    Enemy of the State says:

    I APPlied for one and never got an email back.


  14. 23
    Universal Hiss says:

    Err,no thanks.

    Why are you pushing this in my face?

    I’ll send you a fiver if you are a bit short.


  15. 30
    LibLabCon - all in it together - screw the lot of them says:

    No, thank you!


  16. 35
    Taxi for Mrs May says:

    “Abu Qatada: Evidence extremely thin, says appeal judge”


  17. 36
    smoggie says:

    Guido, all I get is a website which looks like an app but is not actually a downloaded app. I desperately want to save the 69p before you start charging for it so what am I doing wrong?


  18. 39
    Anonymous says:

    I’m jumping off your bandwagon.


  19. 41
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am being followed


  20. 52
    I am sick of lying,violating,bullying, exploitive gaybos not taking responsibility for their own appalling actions says:

    The app works well.


  21. 55
    Strictly Come Pervin' says:

    The BBC deserves a good kicking for the abysmal way it is handling the Savile issue. It is all part of the culture. Blah Blah Blah! Disgraceful!


  22. 56

    BBC announce a new autumn series of Jim Will Fix It.

    The name has to be changed as their hero is no longer available to present it.

    So it will now be called Screwfix.


  23. 57
    These are supposedly people in touch with their constituents, right? says:

    Treasury select committee to investigate whether Bank of England’s QE policy has made some people worse off.

    You couldn’t make it up, now could you?


    • 78
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      Well without QE the payroll for the public sector could not be met.

      Any monies raised by QE have to be paid back at some point in the future. This is actually a good thing because it means the eventual demise of the state as we know it. It is how the Soviet Union ended.

      QE is good, it will release us from the dysgenic socialist utopia. I am all for it.

      PFI is good as well, the more the merrier.

      Every little helps.


      • 84
        stun says:

        So this is what anarchy looks like. The responsible giving up and saying ‘do your worst and see what happens’ so it can be rebuilt. Sounds all very well, but Uncle Joe’ll be along in a minute….


        • 88
          Pawn Sandwich says:

          Exactly that.

          But Uncle Joe survived by force and state indoctrination and propaganda. When he died people cried genuine tears of sadness in the streets of the USSR – for the man directly responsible for the deaths of at least 20 million of them.

          They must have been Labour voters.


    • 167
      Actuary says:

      If you call needing a pension pot of £100,000 to get £5,000 worth of pension annuity, then yes, we are screwed.


      • 168
        Striking GP says:

        You must be a pleb! I’ve got a pension annuity worth £40,000 per annum and I still want more!


  24. 61
    Spotted do says:

    Have you got the Guido App? Is that a new form of clap


  25. 68
    Guido's data mining app. says:

    Guido I had to restore factory settings this evening, any chance of you sending me all my contacts and phone records that your app collected off my phone yesterday?


  26. 70
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The BBC stands for lies and hypocrisy.


  27. 71
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Ed Millionaireband is worse at tax calculation than Alan Johnson. Maybe Ed Balls gave Miliband the duff information on the £40k issue. Now why would he do that?


    • 75
      Socialism is a severe mental illness says:

      Because he’s monumentally thick?


    • 100
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Ed M may be pretty pants when it comes to figuring out tax but I strongly doubt whoever handled old Ralph’s estate was equally bad. And hey, isn’t a mark of leadership that when you know that you DON’T know something, you make sure you know someone who DOES know it? (At least to Sillyband’s way of thinking Ed B would.) Ed B probably convinced him of it over a plate of lasagne with some fava beans and a fine chianti, which he probably made Ed M pour for him, like in the old days.


  28. 76
    DeludEd says:

    Since I made my brilliant conference speech everyone says I will be the next PM.


  29. 77
    Gordon says:

    I’ve been trying to order Fifty Shades of Gay but they keep putting the phone down on me.


  30. 81
    Gordon says:

    nurse says I look like Mr Bean and I said ” what, a has been, Ghaa-aah Ghaa-aah Ghaa-aah”


  31. 85
    The Chinese Security services says:

    We approve of Guidos app.


  32. 86

    The next scandal in the back-to-back series:

    Six nurses arrested over suspected abuse at elderly care home

    How widespread is this?


  33. 89
    the furry fish says:

    I have been mulling and I sometimes wonder if the politicians are acting out a grander scheme, that the structure that they have created is mirror of some truer reality. That the order of things here is a representation of a universal truth. These people have been thrust to the fore because they have been fated to be especially gifted.


    • 90
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      Never assume that the people above you are more intelligent or intellectually gifted. If you ever get to know them you will be sorely disappoited.


      • 96
        the furry fish says:

        it’s Satire you Donk


        • 98
          Pawn Sandwich says:

          You did not disappoint.


          • the furry fish says:

            To reply seriously, I have known a couple of people who were socially and intellectually extremely intelligent and I have wondered how far that intelligence could go in one person. It is possible to have a person born who is charismatic with an intellect that never forgets a moment, a fact, and makes it’s own rules of thought, maybe we should search for this Jesus guy?


          • UKIP.i.am.awake says:

            And then crucify him.


          • the furry fish says:

            well no, my hope was this time he might stay alive long enough to bring some unity and sense to the fuckup that is currently in place.


          • Tony Blair Messiah in waiting says:

            Did someone call ?


    • 114
      Anonymous says:

      do we all get promoted to the level of our incompetence?

      power is about the ability to spend money. our politicians need to be educated and trained in the use of money. power has gone to their head.


  34. 92
    brucie says:

    Vince Cable fails in his bid for immortality.


  35. 94
    Gordon Brown says:

    My custard is too smooth


  36. 99
    Fish says:

    Why the fuck. is every edition of the BBC’s ‘Who do you think you are?’ riddled with class and lefty politics.

    Another Luvvy on tonight who’s sprog idolises Tony Benn

    The BBC only have one notion it seems.


    • 105
      Noooooo it's not Trooooo. says:

      Would imagine that Top Gear being their most successful programme around the world has caused many a BBC lefty exec to stick pencils in his ears.


    • 109
      genghiz the kahn says:

      Benn’s successes splitting Labour than making Mrs T win 3 General Elections?

      The kid must really be a Tory.


    • 118
      Aunty Matter says:

      Oh for fucks sake Fawkes why are you modding the word Pa3doph1l1a?


      • 123
        Aydodge E. Scheisster QC says:

        He’s “libel” to get sued if he doesn’t at least give the appe*arance of trying to stop indiscriminate use of that word. Of course, plaintiffs wouldn’t get “jackshit” (a technical legal term), Guido being well-insulated in his personal finance sphere, but Guido would have to cut down on the all-day liquid lunches whilst the case was in progress, having to spend time in solicitors’ offices. To Guido, it simply isn’t worth the trouble.


      • 127
        Jimmy Glitter says:



      • 177
        Selohesra says:

        Everyone seems to spell it differently – but if you try including small spherical green vegetable it will be blocked


    • 121
      Lord Gobsmack of Fat Pang says:

      You’ll be pleased to know that as head of the Trust I have instituted a complete review of leftwing bias at the BBC and have put it in the capable hands of my old SWP chum, Mr. Andrew Brillo.


  37. 104
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Has Ed Millionaireband called for a select committee to investigate the BBC over the Jimmy Savile issue? Why not?


  38. 106
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    The Guido App. Is there a cure?


  39. 110
    I don't need no doctor says:

    What have Hugh Grant, Steve Coogan, Tom Watson and Chris Bryant said about the BBC and Jimmy Savile. Nothing because there is no money in it for them. Hypocritical shits.


  40. 115
    Aunty Matter says:

    Very interesting to see Lucy Manning of ITV skewer useless Chris Patten (probably the only Tory the BBC like) on ITV news.

    Patten wanking on about how the BBC were quick to call in the police and launch their own investigation…except as Manning points out, the BBC already knew of the allegations and pulled the Newsnight report (note Newsnight have still not addressed the Savile story) yet Patten couldn’t offer a proper explanation as to why.

    Only when ITV ran the story did the BBC react and even then as I and many others pointed out the BBC still tried to kill the story for days.

    Now the BBC tell us that they will appoint someone independent to lead their investigation, really? anyone want to bet it will be an ex beeboid or ex nu Labia or Guardian hack?


    • 122
      jgm2 says:

      A proper cover-up requires an ‘independent’ cover-up.


    • 133
      UKIP.i.am.awake says:

      There must be a parliamentary committee enquiry into the 40 year culture of child abuse and its cover up at the BBC. Imagine if it had been happening at the News of the World rather than the BBC.

      Fucking hypocrites.


  41. 136
    A Spy                        says:



  42. 139
    John says:

    Started to load it – wanted way too much control of my phone and my personal data – thought you were a libertarian Guido?


    • 140
      Samsung says:

      Hack phone.

      Install Cyanogenmod (if on Android).

      Install Guido app.

      Block everything except web access.



  43. 143
    WARNING WARNING WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                    says:

    People Please be very careful.

    Have just received a message from “Lookout mobile security” since installing this spy app. I have never once had any commercial stuff sent to this number before.

    The really tough thing is to decide whether to unsubscribe or not. If it is Kosher then that’s the last of it, if it is not kosher then this number is blighted for ever more.

    Cheers Guido. You are now number one spyware twat.


    • 145
      WARNING WARNING WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                    says:


      It is even worse than that. The “Lookout mobile security” spam was delivered to the Google mail account that was set up for this phone and this phone only. Guido’s app had sole access to this address.

      You Fucking Twat Guido.


      • 147
        Tachybaptus says:

        І sуmраthіsе, but уоu mіght hаνе guеssеd frоm whаt thіs blоg іs lіkе. І аm usіng АdBlосk, Ghоstеrу аnd Dо Νоt Τrасk, аnd аm blосkіng Јаνа sсrірts whеn νіеwіng Guіdо’s sіtе, аnd mу rеаsоn fоr sеttіng uр еνеrу оnе оf thеsе wаs thе еxреrіеnсе оf νіsіtіng thіs еlесtrоnіс brоthеl.


  44. 146
    albacore says:

    Now, never mind all this “apps” fun and games
    All I use Androids for’s as picture frames
    This blog itself is doin’ my eyes in
    The background’s too bright and it needs fixin’


  45. 148
    bBC Cesspit says:

    When asked to confirm that the former director-general (Mark Thompso) knew about the investigation, he said: ‘Yes’.
    His comments were later retracted by the BBC Trust, which said he ‘misspoke’ on the matter.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2215887/Lord-Patten-BBC-Chairmans-damning-verdict-Jimmy-Savile-abuse-scandal-cover-TV-bosses.html#ixzz28xJ2tCAL
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


  46. 150
    Andrew Mitchell says:

    Let me put this to the public vote.

    Should I stay or should I go?


    • 163
      Our audience said.... says:

      You should be shown the door….. or gate as the case may be


    • 171
      Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      Interesting, I wonder if the Bbbc spent more time talking about a man calling another man a pleb, or several men using young girls in a sex slave trade up north.

      Still it seems we are now to have an ‘inquiry’ into subjects relating to these certain men and their culture (beliefs). One of our Eurofile masters, a certain traitor named paten, wants one of these ‘enquires’ into what folk already know (otherwise there would not be an ‘enquiry’) and just like the other ‘enquires’, apparently there have been several of late, nothing will change as a result of it (except of course some folk will get a little bit better off than they already are).

      This ‘enquiry’ will have the effect of placating those who are a little bit bothered about the shameful way the Bbbc treats subjects like the hoards of afro / muso cuckoos and their religions and the EUSSR, but that’s about it. After the ‘enquiry’ it’s back to normal, lessons will have been learnt and a line in the sand can be drawn.

      If they really cared about it, the thing to do would be to sack half of those who present, make and produce this biased disinformation and employ a set of people who have the opposite view. Then we would have two different points of view from which to form our own opinion. It’s so simple, but it won’t happen. The eusser and worldwide mixing of races/cultures must go ahead.


  47. 151
    Lord Scalded Bollock says:

    I say,this is indeed a revelation.

    In a recent tweet Nadine Dorries,and I quote, “swallows hard”

    Well.who would have guessed it ?


  48. 152
    Moo-ham-mad says:

    Jimmy Savile was an amateur. 13 years old? I fucked a 9 year old, and now a billion murderous fuckwits worship me. Jackpot!


  49. 160
    Oh buggeer, I deleted all my cookies AGAIN. says:

    Not only do I not have the “app” – what a silly name – but thankfully I do not and never will, possess a device on which it would work!


  50. 170
    Hamza la vista says:

    I hope Abu Hamza is having a jolly rotten time in the New York prison. I gather they take away his hook for 22 hours a day. Love it! American prisons aren’t the soft bleeding heart recreation camps that ours are. He’s used to lilly livered guards doing as he asks. Now he has to contend with tough as nails American guards who shout “shut up, boy!” with fury at every inmate. I can picture it now.

    “I wanting halal lunch! I demands it!”

    “You eat whatever we goddamn give you! Now git your fucking ass in that chair and shut the fuck up, boy!”


  51. 172
    Tom Watson says:

    No,I bloody well haven’t got the Guido App,why should I ,it’s a free country.


  52. 174
    Aunty Matter says:

    The BBC are at it again. Ignoring their own boss calling the BBC a ‘cesspit’ for kiddie fiddling yet running Lance Armstrong at the top story.

    Typical BBC scum.


  53. 183
    Aunty Matter says:

    Was she shagging James Purnell then?????



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