October 10th, 2012

Dave Speech Bingo!

Via Guardian.


  1. 1
    SD says:

    “One Nation” is missing!!

    • 2
      Loungelizard says:

      Well he’s just signed off a deal with Scotland for Independence so that bit will be missing soon.

      • 16
        Plato says:

        The Scotch haven’t got the bollocks for true independence. They know they’ll be worse off, in every sense. As with all bullies – call their bluff.

        • 39
          Scotland the brave says:

          The Scots have North sea oil – good luck without that pouring in to your coffers.

          They also have the size of country and ratio to population to provide all their energy needs through wind and wave power.

          The Scottish people will do just fine on their own.

          • jgm2 says:

            The Scottish people will do just fine on their own.

            I do hope so. There’ll be nothing more annoying than to have them begging to come back in 20 years time when they’ve pissed all that oil revenue away buying votes and have a nation that is more dependent on state handouts than North Korea.

          • Dariens of Cheme says:

            Good luck…

          • Aunty Matter says:

            Most of the oil belongs to the Shetlands and about 20% of it to England. Also oil is worth about 8 billion a year in taxes, jockland spends 15 billion on benefits alone.

            Then you need to fund your own health service, armed forces, foreign offices, central bank, currency and so on. Oh and no more Royal navy ships built in Scotland either.

            Remember 50% of the jobs in Scotland are public sector jobs, many of them reliant on England, when they go what will you replace them with?

          • jgm2 says:

            Hilarious isn’t it? Just as they’re absconding with diminishing North Sea oil output England discovers 100 years of shale gas deposits.

            Plus, of course, all that coal is still down there. One day, if energy gets expensive enough or with technology advances we’ll be able to get our hands on that too.

            Meanwhile the Scots will keep smoking, dr*inking and stabbing each other to death. Only now they won’t have the English to blame it on.

            It won’t stop them blaming the English though. Just look at Ir*el*and.

          • Anonymous says:

            jgm2, good luck with all the earthquakes and poisoned drinking water associated with frakking the shale gas out of the ground.

          • jgm2 says:

            Earthquakes? The ‘earthquakes’ associated with fracking are the equivalent of a hand grenade going off two miles underground. They’re only detectable with a seismometer.

            As for water pollution there is a slight risk which will have to be managed. However the volumes of fracking liquid involved compared to the amount of groundwater means that even if something goes catastrophically wrong and there is any leakage into the groundwater the percentage concentrations will be tiny.

            The problem we will have is the usual bedwetter scare-mongering which will exaggerate all the risks to the point where folk will believe the ground is going to be torn apart by earthquakes and that they’ll be drinking pure mercury if anything goes wrong.

        • 45
          Go Now says:

          No. Give them their independence. Foreign aid will be much cheaper than the Barnett formula.

        • 47
          Loungelizard says:

          Wrong. The hatred of the English in particular amongst the young far outweighs the bollocks factor. Should be interesting to see how this affects Labour’s vote at Westminster, timing is crap though.

        • 136
          Uncle Joe says:

          Would you like to me to round them all up and send them home? I do know how to it. I can have a few shot for you as well just to make the deal sweet.

      • 65
        Anonymous says:

        Best way to cut deficit is to let Scotland go. We will them part of the debt and we don’t have to continue to give them money.

        Let Wales and Northern Ireland go as well.

        • 84
          jgm2 says:

          The English government should write off Scotland’s share of the national debt. They should also hand over all the shares in the Scottish banks (HBoS, RBS) and make them (Scotland) responsible for managing/regulating them in future.

          They’re going to get a fucking hard landing when English people move their bank accounts to an English bank – or, more specifically, Not A Fucking Scottish Bank PLC (CEO – jgm2). Likewise when English consumers start making sure that they don’t buy anything made/produced in Fucking Scotland. Why should we continue supporting them in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed.

          • Pawn Sandwich says:

            don’t buy anything made/produced

            You mean like butterscotch, tartan ties and whiskey?

          • jgm2 says:

            True, they don’t make much but if they can’t sell what little they do make and English people spend their money at home instead then that’ll be a real boon to the English economy.

            And cancel those aircraft carriers and built ‘em in England instead.

          • Anonymous says:

            Good to see that all the recent controversy hasn’t stopped you posting on this blog Mr Mitchell.

          • Marion the cat says:

            Its Whisky in Scotland, Whiskey comes from Ireland and elsewhere.

        • 135
          Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

          You’ll always have Merseyside.

          • Lochaber says:

            The Referendum in Scotland is a total win-win for the Tories. If they win, they will have held the Union together. If they lose, a huge part of the Labour vote and Labour MP’s will be gone – forever. Bring it on.
            I say this as a born and bred Scot by the way. I recently scared the shit out of some SNP types in Glasgow when I asked them why the F UCK they thought they had the right to deprive me of the Nationality I was born into.
            If the SNP did win that referendum, I hereby predict violence in some parts of Scotland, you heard it here first.

    • 13
      Anonymous says:

      He will be know in history as triple dip Cameron. Economist will also speak about him for years as an example of how not to run the economy.

      • 24
        jgm2 says:

        I think in ‘Examples of How Not to Run an Economy’ Cameron will come some way down a list headed by Mugabe, Brown and Castro.

        • 43
          Anonymous says:

          Might be he learnt from them, he has already broken there record and punched this country faster and further through the sowers.

          • no more boom, we're busted says:

            Failed your English GCSE did you, troll? Back to school for you.

          • jgm2 says:

            Has he managed to run an annual 180bn deficit yet?

            Has he had eight consecutive years of annual deficit yet?

            Has he managed a 6% annual drop in GDP yet?

        • 56
          Anonymous says:

          Cameron, according to Newsnight, has cut the deficit by 2%. (25% doesn’t count if it increases again afterwards.)

          He has also massively devalued Britains pension funds with his quantitative easing. (Portillo acknowleged this).

          I think Cameron belongs in economic ability groups that include Mugabe etc.

          • Gordon the Medicated says:

            I taught him all I knew.
            Always exaggerate by at least a billion million times. No one ever checks.

      • 35
        gormet says:

        Triple dips are excellent if you just add the candies and sprinkles.
        It’s the nuts and chocolate chips that bugger it up.

    • 38
      Mary Jenkins says:

      Like Sarah Teather, the Guardian is unable to deliver humour.

    • 140
      old git says:

      No in out referendum before the next election so he can say what the fuck he likes he will be gone in 2015

  2. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Miliband Wanker

  3. 4
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Dave’s warm up act is now on.

  4. 5
    Steve Miliband says:

    £40k cheque for myself

  5. 6

    Bit rich from the bedwetters seeing their man said the same word every 90 seconds of his speech.

  6. 7
    Sara D says:

    Cameron Bingo Wankword got boring after the cast iron guarantee debacle.

  7. 8
    jgm2 says:

    Well that’s convinced me. Ed Miliband is clearly the man for the job.

  8. 9
    Plato says:

    Nobody “strove” to stay in power more then McMental??

    • 37
      a finger of fudge says:

      He’s still got the scars on his knuckles where they had to wack them off the door frame of No.10.

  9. 11
    pleb copper says:


  10. 12
    Dick Scratcher says:

    In pained comfort mode FFS

  11. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Is Blair still Middle East Peace Envoy?

  12. 15
    Dick Scratcher says:

    This kid doesn’t have a fucking clue

  13. 17
    Steve Miliband says:

    Is this from 2010?

  14. 18
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Queen – your second cousin?

  15. 19
    Anonymous says:

    Destroying the NHS in it’s current form is the best thing that could happen to it.

  16. 20
    Dick Scratcher says:

    I can confirm Armando Ianucci did NOT write this.

  17. 21
    Steve Miliband says:

    Is he missing a front tooth?

  18. 22
    genghiz the kahn says:

    pedestrian delivery, plodding along.

  19. 23
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    What about the BBC’s tip – Sink or Swim?

    Or is that what he will say to Andrew Mitchell when he pushes him into the Birmingham Canal tied to an anvil?

  20. 25
    Ed Moribund says:

    Hey! He said one flag!
    He’s stealing my bit!

  21. 26
    Anon BUT Never ZanuLieLabor says:

    aaahhh The star speaker is about to pontificate so we can rest assured

    from CMDDD it will be much more of smoke & mirrors from this discredited

    sna*ke oil salesman…….as the current leader of ConsLieLaborLibDems

    Blood Brothers Alliance………

    No doubt more cast iron promises which will soon tarnish & rust…..

    • 31
      Zubal Early says:

      Do fuck off back to miliman towers. we can’t hear the real leader over the noise of the errand boys minions.

  22. 27
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Let the Scots go…BTW is this Grandstand?

  23. 29
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Liz Truss in audience – wonder what / who she’s been getting up to this week?

  24. 32
    Hang The Bastards says:


  25. 33
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Theresa Villiers really is a shovel face isn’t she?

  26. 34
    Ed Moribund says:

    “One nation”

  27. 41
    Dick Scratcher says:

    …excpet most foreign aid ends up in Swiss bank accounts you aristoliberal

  28. 46
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Benefits cap still too high & it’s full of holes.

    Terrorists? What about the other fucker?

  29. 48
    Tony Blair speech cloud says:

    What is important is, is what is important is, is what is important is, is what is important is, is what is important is, is what is important is, is what is important is.

  30. 52
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Ok CMD, cut the crap & get on with it – you’ve had two years and done fuck all.

  31. 53
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    What lies. Cameron should be telling us the truth. The magic money trees that Labour promised us do exist? Jobs do not rely on rich people investing and risking their money in businesses. Unions can go on striking and bleeding jobs away and it won’t affect growth. The EU must continue forcing onto us ridiculous rules designed to stop businesses making money and creating employment.

  32. 55
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Social mobility? When are you bringing back grammar schools then Cam?

  33. 61
    Dick Scratcher says:

    again with the black disabled gays…ffs

  34. 62
    HenryV says:

    Call me Dave can fuck off. Reduce fuel duty for hauliers. Scrap overseas aid and spend it on nuclear power. Send some of the Poles home. Not only are they costing us jobs they send 100millions out of the economy. EU referendum Dave?

  35. 68
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Was Gove in The Ipcress File?

    My name is Michael Gove!

  36. 69
    Dick Scratcher says:

    I would like a politician to lead the Tories, rather than a social worker.

  37. 71
    genghiz the kahn says:

    1155: Stephanie Flanders Economics editor emails: In his speech Cameron talks about the NHS but can they tell us how many of the Cabinet have private health insurance?!

    Nothing like impartiality then from Stephanie, the Eds’ old flame.

    Cue for questions about her own arrangements for health care.

  38. 74
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Is this the fluffiest, cuddly-wuddliest, snuggliest little kitten you have ever seen?

    Someone put him in a sack and throw him in a canal.

  39. 77
    Anonymous says:

    Just wait for the policy reversals and backtracking next week. Even Georges’ comments in his recent speech have been outlawed already by the EU.

  40. 78
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Fuck Liebour – What are YOU going to do Cam?

  41. 79
  42. 81
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Eh? Entrepreneurial streak? Pension auto-enrolment, paternity leave???

  43. 82
    Steve Miliband says:

    One notion!

  44. 85
    Dick Scratcher says:

    So why so much contradictory planning rules? Liberalisation AND localism???

    NIABY – Not in anyone’s back yard

  45. 86
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    Labour – One potion – to grow magic money trees.

  46. 87
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Make the banks lend all the twatting money you’ve bunged em!!!

    • 94
      jgm2 says:

      I can probably borrow a shit-load of money at 8% interest. What I want is to be able to borrow money at this mythical 0.5% interest rate. Then I’ll be in the market to borrow a billion or so.

      I’ll put aside 20% of that to pay the interest for the next 40 years (by which time I plan to be dead). The other 800 million I’ll ‘invest’ in Learjets, superyachts and hot and cold running hookers.

  47. 88
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Esther looking “dead dirteee”

  48. 89
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Choice 3. Become a Tory MP and do fuck-all all day.

  49. 90
    Dick Scratcher says:

    £14k one one person…FFS. Why do we pay taxes?

    Spend it on infrastructure, no work – no benefit.

  50. 92
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Scores of open goals for Cam & he keeps skying the lot.

  51. 95
    Dick Scratcher says:

    …so is Cam going to bus kids from good areas into shit inner city schools?

  52. 96
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Are people in Peckham, Peckish?

  53. 99
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Because you don’t have the balls to sack the thousands of useless teachers!

    How many have you sacked Cam?

  54. 100
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Is that John Lydon in the audience?

  55. 101
    Some Twat up North says:

    So, it’s the children’s fault, glad I know now because its been worrisome wondering why the countries fucked.

  56. 102
    Michael Gove says:

    You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

  57. 103
    Dick Scratcher says:

    “…and if all that fails, there’s always the trust fund.”

  58. 104
    Ed Miliband says:

    But I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive! I went to a comprehensive!

  59. 106
    Some Twat up North says:

    Lying fucking arsehole.

  60. 107
    Anonymous says:

    You used us Mr Cameron.

    You said you understood, you said you valued our NHS, you said you would protect the vulnerable.

    You lied. You lied like a cheap watch you disgusting, cruel, ignorant, uninformed, ideological prat.

    Here is a list of your “compassion” – your incompetence I will leave for another day.

    Halving Support for disabled children,
    Scrapping the “Youth Premium” that ensured independence for the most profoundly disabled children;
    Scrapping Crisis Loans;
    Cutting housing support for disabled people;
    Cutting council budgets so hard that they cannot provide social care to some of the most vulnerable people in our communities;
    Introducing PIP to replace DLA with the aim of cutting 500,000 vulnerable people from the figures without a single assessment;
    Introducing unlimited, unpaid work for those with significant illnesses or disabilities;
    Cutting all benefit support for sick and disabled people appealing their ESA decisions;
    Lying to the public about Work Capability Assessments and failing to make them fit for purpose while disabled people suffer and die;
    Encouraging hate crime by constantly feeding the media “scrounger” stories about the sick and disabled;
    Closing Remploy factories, throwing over 1500 working disabled people on the scrapheap;
    Exaggerating fraud rates and implying all sick and disabled people are “feckless, festering, stock”;
    Lying about the levels of disability benefit fraud repeatedly and feeding politicised press releases to the media;
    Turning neighbour on neighbour and fostering a climate of hate towards the sick and disabled;
    Forcing cancer patients to the jobcentre;
    Privatising our health service despite promises that you would protect it; Rationing access to NHS treatment;
    Cutting respite care despite promising you understood and would help; Suggesting in PIP that a sick or disabled person can “bathe” if they can wash above the waist only;
    Re-classifying paraplegics as “fully mobile” if they use their wheelchairs too well;
    Blocking improvement in Atos assessments;
    Lying about Workfare repeatedly to the press;
    Falsifying internet documents to make your workfare lies look like the truth.

    And this is just disability!! You lying, dangerous, smug, uninformed piece of shit.

  61. 108
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Vacuuous administrator. Poor.

  62. 112
    National Socialist says:

    Has he mentioned the railway fiasco yet?

    • 118
      Mike Raffone says:

      No, he is desperately trying to stay on track…so moved by his speech as I sit in my chateau..c’est le pisse pauvre…

  63. 117
    Jimmy says:

    So the message is: “The Olympics went quite well: Vote Conservative!”

    If he were a horse you’d really have to shoot him at this stage.

    • 120
      jgm2 says:

      He doesn’t have to do well. He only has to beat Miliband. Mind you, he only had to beat the Maximum Imbecile and he managed to fuck that up.

      • 125
        The One Notion Party says:

        At least Clegg won’t be able to out bullshit Cameron in 2015 in the PM Debates like he did in 2010…….although you make a valid point about Brown who actually imploded with “Bigot-Gate” just before the last PM Debate and even then Cameron couldn’t deliver the coup de grace even when Brown was floundering…Miliband will be a lot harder opponent to see off

  64. 124
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    I see he played the disabled child card eh? Despicable man.

    • 127
      jgm2 says:

      If he didn’t have a disabled child which had died and was making these reforms the bedwetters would be giving it ‘Of course Cameron has no idea what it’s like to struggle with a disabled child/rely on the NHS… blah blah Bullingdon Club… blah blah ….millionaire….. blah blah….silver spoon…blah blah.’

      The reality is that he has more of an idea than most of the bedwetters. And it makes y’all so very cross that you can’t be holier than thou.

  65. 126
    Anonymous says:

    Can somebody tell the chump, we don’t want compassion, we want competence

  66. 132
    2112 says:

    Did this really appear Guardian? This is the kind of “Yah-Boo!” nonsense I’d have associated with the Mirror.

  67. 134
    Anonymous says:

    dont forget all us Leftie voters that this Nazi govt want from 22nd of this month to stop JSA benefit climants Money for three years that includes people whove been sacked or been picked on by the Govt civil servands who “DONT CARE ABOUT IT -US” from their own mouths yesterday in Leeds.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Francis Elliot reports on No. 10 strategy meetings:

“When discussion veers to subjects that Mr Crosby thinks of concern only to the political and journalistic classes, he treats the offender as a pub bore with a tart request to “pass the beer nuts, mate”.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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