Shapps On Business and Pleasure
The Tories’ co-chairmen seem to be getting on a lot better than the last pairing. It was comedy double act for the Chairmen’s reception last night with Feldman declaring that at his party the food was posher and the “wine marginally better” than your normal fringe event. Presumably he was picking up the tab for the foie gras on offer…
Shapps revealed the PM’s favourite joke at the moment: “If there was a Labour MP and a LibDem MP standing on a cliff, which would you push off… first?” Grant would apparently push the red off then the yellow – “business before pleasure”. Coalition harmony anyone?
Are you not attending the “Midlands Meltown” this week Guido
Is that the same as the Manchester Spring ?
‘Workers of the world unite’.
I will have you shot
It’d be quicker to make a list of folk you didn’t want shot.
I am on that list…
… for now
Dishonest politicians of the world unite surly.
Are you missing your mate Hamza.
Don’t cry Moussa, you’ll be joining him soon enough. LOL
How’s cry baby Keith Vaz holding up.
Facing 7 years for fraud. LOL
And I rejoice that Venal Vaz may finally be nailed. Hopefully he will be sharing a cell with the business fraudster, Grunt Shapps. Is it just me or does Shapps remind others of a particularly sleazy American evangelist?
9 out of 10 Scotch families receive more from the state aka England than they contribute.
Labour are trying to backtrack up in Fucking Scotland on their perpetual promises for ever more, ever free stuff. Presumably they think that’ll make ‘em credible with the electorate.
Unfortunately for them the S&P is in no mood to stop promising ever more, ever free stuff in the hope that it will buy them independence.
The local administration in Fucking Scotland can vary their local tax rate by (I think) up to 3%. Does any party suggest lowering taxes?
Do they fuck. And why would that be? Because the 88% who are net recipients of free money wouldn’t be any better off.
Fucking Scotland is doomed.
I never had sexual relations with that country
A very sad graph highlighting the politico media failure to educate people…
There is no more money for bureaucrats to waste
http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/2012/10/people-dont-want-more-government-spending-so-why-does-it-always-rise.php
Independence for England.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, my A4E “Provider” says she’s “not allowed” to look at the website I’m trying to start my own business with, as in the Business Plan agreed with her months ago. Anybody with advice or similar experiences to share?
The whole “back to work” thing is just an expensive way of taking taxpayers money and circulating it to politicians.
I went to speak to the ‘back to work people’, to see if they had any people we could recruit. Sadly, they have never come up with anyone: I have no idea if any of the people on thier books have ever been told that my firm would be happy to see their c.v.s
A manager did sound me out about going into some bureaucratic scheme with him involving applying for grants to provide ‘training’.
Gumtree . com
And others. I really have no idea what the people on these programmes think they do.
It’s a great business model; similar to claims assistance services and other bent get rich quick schemes.
I wonder what Steve Job’s or Bill Gate’s or Andrew Carnegie’s ‘business plan’ looked like?
Mine is ‘we’re doing this or you’ll be shot’
Or, the variant ‘Do this and you’ll be shot afterwards anyway’.
See, if you let him know you understand the options you get shot straightaway. Before you even get a chance to dig your own grave.
That’s why all those expert chess-playing Russians always played stupid and dumb. ‘Death by bullet’ or ‘death by vodka’ very simple variation to calculate.
Funnily enough that was also Andrew Carnegie’s plan in the early days.
The first failure of any startup is the business-plan.
Business Plan:
I will be infinitely flexible and make a few bob any way I can.
A quote from Fondling Farrago?
You do sound envious of wealth creators.
Just mulling over the failure of the UKIP start up plan.
They can’t create wealth if their ‘customers’ have no money.
Well, mine was to keep the workers in limbo when I’d lock ‘em out all the time by constantly re-tooling, every time being able to hire back fewer and fewer workers. They finally caught on at Homestead in 1892 and started a sit-down strike. I made sure to be at Skibo, and NOT in Pittsburgh, when the shit finally hit the fan.
Andrew Carnegie must be the only person in history to escape the US with his money.
All their legislation since seems to be directed to making sure that cash is on a one-way trip. You’d have to be out of your fucking mind to do business in the US.
Don’t forget the Pinkertons, Andy.
Women just want to be coaxed. She won’t say ‘yes’ immediately. You must win her over with chocolates and fine wines to put her in the mood to look at your website and to hell with the rules!
Not sure you have a grasp of the real world, where are the canals, bridges, railways, factories that A4E has built? They should be shot
They did build the blue plastic guns!
I think they don’t mind being shot. In fact they probably happy to charge extra for being shot.
*shakes head sadly*
…more expensive than real bullets.
A4E and the like are just parasites, living off the taxpayer teat. Isn’t that what you hate on here?
If you want to get very wealthy, very quickly, forget your website and come speak with me. For $300, I’ll show you how to become a millionaire many times over, just like me. Satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back*.
*”money-back” should not imply you will get your money back.
Want to cut spending?
In one years time eliminate child benefit. Phase it out for existing claimants.
If you can afford children you’ll still have them.
In July this year Cameron hinted that child benefit could be limited to the first three children.
Guaranteed that we will have a maternity peak in March/April 2013 as the benefit scroungers will be popping one out, having kids is the business plan for many in this country today.
Mark these words.
July hinted
He’ll do NOTHING, AGAIN.
Exactly.
I remember Jack Straw saying “three strikes and you’re out” in December 2003.
Politicians can say all they want about policy but they have a history of talking and none of delivering.
We’ll also see the NHS bill go up, as the benefit scum rush to their GPs for fertility treatment.
Rent paid, council tax paid, free school meals, cradle to the grave benefits. Utopia for some and they are still not grateful.
Your tax dollars at work. As the yanks would say….
You forgot the plasmas, PS
But if you don’t give the money to the muvvers how will they get tattoos on their tits if the estranged husbands a betting it on whippets!
I think you know my answer?
No shit?
The mines are opening again send them down there. Or have them shot.
When going Underground do not leap over the barriers and run down the steps
There was quite a bit of coverage in the Warsaw Gazette.
Were you acquainted with Jimmy Savile, by any chance?
Really? One million private sector jobs in only 30 months? No. I hadn’t heard about that. It mustn’t be that big a deal otherwise it would be all over the BBC.
You’ve got it all wrong. The Tories don’t create jobs, they just give tax cuts to millionairs.
No, they don’t give tax cuts to millionaires, they “send £40,000 cheques” to millionaires.
I’m a millionaire. And so is my missus. I’m really looking forward to my 40,000 cheque. And so is my missus.
cutting that 50p in the pound envy-tax = 1 million sustainably employed.
Let’s cut tax more.
Yep and they’re all on zero-hours contracts
Jesus, Guido, this is all a bit ‘inner circle’. Unless you come up with some decent crap on these people soon, your schmoozing is just going to look like bloated sychophancy.
“look like bloated sychophancy” it is look like bloated sychophancy, maybe Guido is hoping they might ask him to stand in a nice Tory safe seat.
Comrade come ze one nation revulsion zer vill be no such thing as a Tory safe seat.
He really should consider shooting himself.
Now you are just being lazy.
Bloody social worker.
You betray revolting socialist people!
I think he, himself should jump because his chancellor has an unshakable belief in a soft landing.
Exactly what is Gideon’s qualification for chancellor, has he managed a company, a division of say the NHS, accountancy qualifications or any such type of job, or is he just acting as front man for others.
Being chancellor is dead easy. You look at how much money your taxes etc raise and then you don’t spend any more than that.
It’s just like any other sensible person who manages a household budget but scaled up.
Good point. The last guy had a degree in the history of the labour party and ground the economy into dust.
He certainly learned from history.
‘Labour governments always destroy the economy. I’m in a Labour government therefore I must destroy the economy’.
And a thorough job he did too.
I believe he was quite good at folding towels.
Towel folding, if you must know.
No better example of Cameron’s ‘jobs for the boys’ strategy.
Let’s be brutally honest here – would ANY of you employ Osborne?
Most unfair Jimmy S….look….he was christened ‘Gideon’ (aka useless Knut), a real handicap from a young age to be constantly reminded of a tiny useless medieval script in a hotel drawer or a kid’s duck…
“foie gras” – you fucking pleb
It was liver paste, OK?
Waiters must love Guido. “Look here, chum, I want summathat foyse grass and make it quick. And while you’re at it take away this vitchysoyse soup it’s fecking well cold.”
And a bottle of that Bollyjose nooveau a firty nine I fink.
Duck or Goose Liver Pate…to the rest off us.
Guido..This has a hint of Class War about it…are you coming aboard…LOL
If you want some Moussa, you’ll need to ask for ” Patty duh fwa grass “
“MK” I’ll have some pate, oh and there’s some dirt above the “E” on this label.
And didn’t get fois gras NOR foie gras
Countdown to alteration….
Result but…Slower than usual.
Guido is just jealous of the Goose’s lifestyle… He’s been attempting to emulate it by replacing grain with Guinness.
Cleggy for goodness sake pull out of the coalition, they don’t want you, can not you see that, pull out and tell Cameron “we will support you if we agree with you but vote against you if we disagree with you” then Cameron either call an election or tough it out.
But then all those LibDem ministers would find their salary (and accrued pension rights) slashed in half overnight.
Plus, it’s not as if Labour will forgive them (the LibDems) if they pull out. They’ll still stick the boot in for the remaining 3 years and look to wipe them out in 2015.
True. Nobody likes a traitor
I know what to do with traitors
Oxford or Cambridge?
JGM2, yup but wouldn’t it be fun sort concentrate minds, in 21/2 years the libdems will not will not have any ministers anyway so they might as well get used to it
Schapps and Vince Cable. separated only by an age gap.
Perhaps it’s my age, but I remember a time when if you set up a get rich scam using a fake id, even the tories wouldn’t touch you. Now you get made Chairman. This is worse than the Major years.
But it’s not a “get rich quick” scam, it’s a genuine business opportunity. Just send me $300 (fully refundable*), and I’ll teach you how I got to own two private jets and several islands in the Caribbean.
*”fully refundable” should be taken in its broader sense, meaning “not refundable”.
Where is Geoffrey Archer when you need him…a proper mentor for young Schappster surely???
Has this ex BBC marxist c*unt Crick ever chased a nurse through a NHS hospital asking her why she left her patient covered in shit and deprived of water??
You’re thinking of Benny Hill
But Benny Hill didn’t chase women, he was chased by women.
Thanks for taking the time off from sucking Ed Miliband’s cock to tell me that.
I DID chase a few on my show, actually. In real life, well…think what you’d like, but I really WASN’T “one of those,” you know. (Really.)
Is Guido doing a Andrew Mongchell.
Guido has attended every Tory conference since he was knee high to his puff dealer…But not this year.
OK 8i££y chose your language more carefully when you post, “puff” indeed
Would this be the right wing inciting political violence? I thought they didn’t do that?
Well the left are picking up the slack.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/multiple-twitter-users-threaten-to-assassinate-mitt-romney-shoot-him-dead/
Only on those that cannot hit back
My favourite gag at the moment.
The last time me and my wife had sex we were interrupted by our 3 year old son.
He’s 17 now ……..
We shall be showing ONLY selected highlights of the evil, Tory conference this week due to savage cuts and Lord #croft!
By selected highlights we mean if a Tory states they will “cut taxes for the poor”, we shall select certain words so it looks like he says “tax the poor”.
Fair and balanced reporting is in our dna.
Must go now, we have some children to abuse!
Bairn Buggering Corporation. Kiddy fiddling is in our DNA!
The non person Saville is being obliterated from the public’s memory.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-19867893
Saville Row will be renamed next.
They’ll probably get a visit from the same brains trust that was beating up paediatricians anyway.
I’m in London today, stopped at a cafe for lunch.
I bought a sandwich ( according to B Johnsons press office ) this is now to be called a Boriswich at Borisuch.
Caught the tube to Oxford street ( according to B Johnsons press office ) this is now to be called a Borisude to Borisford Street.
Popped into well know department store Borisarrods to use their toilet facilities, as I needed a Boris.
How much did you pay for the dump?
Are you Sarah Teather posting under an alias?
I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening.
And then I went and spoilt it all by saying something stupid like I love J*ws.
Was Ed Balls compering that night. I’ve heard he likes to get his old uniform out.
How come Jimmy Savile is getting all the flack in his coffin while Mike Hancock still walks the corridors of Westminster and the schools of Portsmouth?
Suffer little children…..
‘Russian’ to conclusions surely???
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2214304/The-200-foreign-suspects-arrested-day-Met-But-figures-soar-number-deportations-fall.html
Some things must not be mentioned but be warned, if you refer to someone as a “bl ick cant” or a tw*t, you will be forever punished !
What is it with Tories and jokes?
The one in the piece is excruciating, and Hammond’s joke about Vince Cable being launched was so bad it is hard to believe he actually uttered the words.
Unfunny toffs trying to get down with the hoi polloi. No , no, no, and
no.
Well, I did my bit to help a Tory supporting judge earlier…you may remember him, got no thumbs…Justice Fingers!! Bum Bum!!
Michael’s face is turning into an arse hole over the course of this Parliament
There’ll have to be a plebiscite.
Hold on,I think the people should be the judge of that.
Grant Shapps said I have principles and if you don,t like them I have other ones.I,ll let you have them at a bargain price.