October 8th, 2012

CCHQ Rolls Eyes at Lord Ashcroft
Daily Star Sunday Column Now Online

If you had picked up your copy of the Daily Star Sunday yesterday you would already have all the latest Tory party conference gossip. Disaffected donor Lord Ashcroft bashed Grant Shapps’ new attack ad as a waste of money last week, but his criticism has left CCHQ scratching their heads. M&C Saatchi did it for free…

Elsewhere find out whether champagne is being quaffed in Birmingham this week, what Boris might have in store for Dave’s birthday surprise and the identity of persona non grata Andrew Mitchell’s new SpAd. Yesterday’s column is now online here


45 Comments

  1. 1
    8illy says:

    I’ve had a bumfull of your column Guido.

  2. 2
    Dave"The One Term Prime Minister" Cameron says:

    Who’s quaffed my Bollinger ?

    I had a dozen bottled in my hotel room.

    You just can’t trust the Tories with champagne.

  3. 3
    One Nation says:

    Boy George is giving quite a good speech. He’s laying into Ed right now. “You can imagine Benjamin Disra*li’s disappointment. Just as he hears he’s been reincarnated, he discovers it’s as Ed Miliband”.

  4. 4
    Hugh Janus says:

    Thanks Guido, but I have sufficient bog roll for now.

  5. 5
    Labour and the Islington Set says:

    We have plenty in supply.

  6. 6
    Filthy Rich says:

    Why do the Tories have to pretend to be “all in this together”?

    It’s utter crap! – Rich people are rich full stop. Trying to pretend otherwise is just vacuous!

    Let’s be proud of our wealth and get the plebs to beg us to stay here and invest in their future jobs instead of making us feel embarrassed to have it!

    Look, simple fact is, the fucking scum workers depend on us, we don’t need their class envy shitty bodies stinking our factories and shops out. We can get that cheaper from India.

    Just be grateful we bother to spend our money here and have some respect for your financial and academic betters!

  7. 7
    Bubba, Abu Hamza's new friend. says:

    Hi Limeys

    Thought I’d give you an update on my ‘special friend’ Abu. He’s got a great arse, tighter than Guido’s wallet in a wine bar Muslim men always do.

    But he’s shit at hand jobs, where’s his rubber hand attachment?

  8. 8
    Bob Crowe says:

    Well yore not gettin any of mine so feck off – burrrrp….

  9. 9
    Polly Toynbee says:

    Nor mine! It’s nice and sunny here in Tuscany.

  10. 10
    jgm2 says:

    You may joke but I met another person this weekend who has decided that 50% tax is not for them and who will be quitting and living off their savings/investments instead.

    These are people in their early 40s with, potentially, another 20 years of corporate life (and tax-paying) ahead of them who have seen one too many programs like ‘The Estate’ and thought ‘Fuck off, you can all just fuck off, I’m not waking up at 5:30 every fucking morning, never seeing my kids just so that you c*unts can sit around all day dr*inking Buckfast using my money..’

    And neither am I.

  11. 11
    National Socialist says:

    “If you had picked up your copy of the Daily Star Sunday yesterday…”

    And put money in the pocket of Dirty Desmond??

  12. 12
    Filthy Rich says:

    Yes I know there are many like us, but where is our voice in politics??

    We really must have representative who literally DO tell the plebs to fuck off and get a wash?

    Tories are too dishonest about their wealth. We need to be represented buy a party who make wealth creation seen as what it is, an art and a skill!

    It’s the fucking press and msm like Sky and BBC that causes the class envy. They carry the socialist message without alternative views,

  13. 13
    AC1 says:

    They’ll probably go and create wealth somewhere else for 30 years and make it a better place. Business profits are a small fraction of the benefit to society they create.

  14. 14
    freddie the furry farting fish says:

    good to see all those years of grass kissing practice is paying off

  15. 15
    At last someone prepared to roll their sleeves up. says:

    I say well done Grant Shapps. Dave should have one the election outright and Ashcroft’s weak campaign was one of the main reasons the Conservatives have a LibDem millstone shackled to their legs

    At least Shapps means business and is willing to put up a proper fight. Politics is a dirty business and you have to fight dirty to win.

  16. 16
    Away on business says:

    True. If I relocate, or retire entirely (the business is really just coasting at present, there is no reason to expand), a lot of people will be looking elsewhere for work.

  17. 17
    Glad you can spell says:

    You do realise that that arse hasn’t been wiped properly?

  18. 18
    Abu Hamza says:

    Allah, why having you forsakens me? I am your obedient servant! My botty is… noooooooo!

  19. 19
    I says:

    “M&C Saatchi did it for free…”

    Come on Guido, no-one does anything for nothing.

    You’re so quick to disclose the Machiavellian machinations on some occasions. Yet strangely silent on others.

    It’s as if you’ve got an agenda…

  20. 20
    Mark Oaten says:

    Yippee!

  21. 21
    Loungelizard says:

    Man with white stick groped me while I did work for BBC claims Polly Tonybee.

  22. 22
    Filthy Rich says:

    Probably Nigella offered to get her norks out for Eric Pickles but Charles heard about it and offered the Tories a free poster instead.

  23. 23
    jgm2 says:

    Politics is a dirty business and you have to fight dirty to win.

    You don’t have to fight dirty.

    You could tell the truth.

    The T*ries allowed Labour to tell the big lie that ‘It was all the banks fault..’ Thus allowing themselves (the T*ries) to be shackled to ‘the rich bankers..’

    On the day the banks were nationalised the T*ries should have come out with all guns blazing blaming the reckless policies and economics of the Maximum Imbecile. They should have been pointing out seven years of increasing debt even during the ‘boom’ years. Pointing out that all this ‘growth’ was never real. Just borrowed and squandered government (and private) money.

    But no.

    They seemed content to fight on a battlefield defined by Labour (and the BBC).

    They don’t need to fight dirty. They just need to blame those responsible for the UK’s economic clusterfuck.

    Labour.

  24. 24
    Selohesra says:

    He’d need more disabilities than that – in fact I reckon he’d sure play a mean pinball

  25. 25
    jgm2 says:

    What fills me with despair is reading the hundreds if not thousands of bedwetter comments on CiF and t’BBC. Blaming ‘the rich’ who should be delighted to be only paying 50% tax and if it was up to them they’d be paying 100% tax.

    And this mentality isn’t being slapped down by Labour but positively encouraged. They really do seem to believe that if they just tax ‘the rich’ more then the books will magically balance up and ‘the rich’ will happily just keep handing over their cash. Not only is it desperately immoral to expect anybody to hand over half their earnings but, for folk who profess to be so touchy-feely, they really don’t seem to have the first fucking clue about how people will react if you do try and take half their money off them.

  26. 26
    Well it's a thought says:

    If they have sold all the industries and now BAE, what the hell is Britain going to deliver?, the pox, tortoise shells, chip butties, the rest of our money , who to?.

  27. 27
    Honey the blue peter guide dog says:

    did you not guess it was me from cold, wet sensation ?

  28. 28
    Mediator says:

    I missed the Guido/8illy spat; can anyone enlighten me?

  29. 29
    I Squiggle says:

    Good to see you’ve corrected the nonsense about Andrew Mitchell’s military ‘career’. You could have added that during that very Short Service (Limited) Commission, his much trumpeted ‘UN Peacekeeper’ role was a couple of months in Cyprus, commanding nothing more significant than a beach ball. Sarajevo it wasn’t..

  30. 30
  31. 31
    Roscoe Rules says:

    I hear Sandi Toksvig was gropped by someone at the BBC to determine whether she/he had balls or not.

  32. 32
    Loungelizard says:

    Yea and at least the Labour guys put in real time. Alan Johnston was in uniform for years and he doesn’t boast about it.

  33. 33
    Aunty Matter says:

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  34. 34
    Silent Bob says:

    ?

  35. 35
    Money Where Their Mouths Are? says:

    They stood surety for £140,000 but are only being required to pay up £93,000. Taht’s a £47,000 discount.

    I am not sure why this has been permitted: the sureties were supposed to have been able to demonstrate they had the means to pay at the time they stood surety. Otherwise they should have been refused. They can’t have been allowed to then salt the money away or apply it to other things? That would be very odd.

  36. 36
    Voltaire and the others says:

    No

  37. 37
    The conveyor belt says:

    It was a toaster

  38. 38
    National Socialist says:

    Gropped?

  39. 39
    Give him a medal says:

    A tough posting?

  40. 40
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yes but is Ed Miliband a Millionaire? Wee Dougie really showed himself up on the Sunday Politics. Why didn’t Miliband appear himself instead of sending Wee Dougie to do his dirty work.
    Miliband is a coward, which is typical of his teachers Brown and Balls
    Keep on Miliband’s case Guido.

  41. 41
    Ooh aah Daily Mong says:

    “If you had picked up your copy of the D**aily St*ar Sunday yesterday you would..”

    .. be f*ckin’ stupid, because the crappy column’s free on Mondays, so not reading it won’t cost you anything at all.

  42. 42
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Alan Johnson, surely one of the finest chancellors this country has ever seen.

  43. 43
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yes it’s a verb the BBC’s Bill and Ben used to use when gropping Little Weed.
    Oh grop a lot little weed.

  44. 44
    Silent Bob says:

    :))

  45. 45
    Haribo Halfwit says:

    [Stands and applauds]

    It needs good maths (and specialist skills) to follow what went wrong. Explaining to a nation that it has been duped – and that they ARE dupes – would take communication skills of an unusual nature.

    Step two, would be to persuade a nation that has just been revealed as dupes to turn up and vote for you. That would require a star of a magnitude unprecedented through all the annals of human cosmognosis.

    Anybody come to mind?


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