October 4th, 2012

Watson Attempts to Silence Critic

Tom Watson has had a busy afternoon. Instead of coordinating Labour’s by-election in Corby, or listening to his Deputy Leader address conference, or playing on his beloved X-box, he has been phoning editors of esteemed British periodicals.

Both Gareth Morgan of the Daily Star Sunday and Fraser Nelson of the Spectator were contacted this afternoon by a whining Watson, complaining about a deliberately misconstrued Tweet from one of their contributors.

When it was pointed out that perhaps it would be more appropriate to talk to the Tweeter in question directly, Watson declared that he would not, preferring to try have him silenced by higher powers.

Tom should spend less time worrying about Neo-Guido’s job and more time about his own


  1. 1
    Red Ed says:

    Respect for the first Secretary of Newspapers who will lead the new people’s publishing house and state news agency.

    • 80
      Fatty Holly MP says:

      Every day seems a little longer,
      Every way, love’s a little stronger,
      Come what may, do you ever long for
      True love from me?

      Every day, it’s a-getting closer,
      Going faster than a roller coaster,
      Love like yours will surely come my way–
      A-hey, a-hey-hey…

    • 112
      Mars Attacks says:

      Has he threatened to sit on them? That would scare the shit out of me

      • 124
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        I always think it embarassing when middle -aged women go braless.

        • 139
          A woman says:

          You’d think he’d have a thicker skin,especially as there’s so much sweaty flesh to keep contained.

          • Dr Nuts says:

            Thicker skin?
            The advantage here is an MP who is sensitive to People’s opinions.

            1 down 649 to go!
            Got to be better than the cabinets of Psychopaths we’ve got now.
            William Hague:
            I have to take from the poor, sick and disabled because I need to pay my rich tax dodging friends for their party donations!

          • AC1 says:

            > I have to take from the poor, sick and disabled because I need to pay my rich tax dodging friends for their party donations!

            Er right… I wonder who actually “pays” all the taxes? Oh it’s not the poor; the 1% are 25% of the tax extorted. The bottom 25% just ride the backs of the productive in the welfare hammock.

            So, extorting less from those who create wealth is “paying”.
            A giving the work-shy less of other peoples money is taking..

            Do you have any more words you’d like to abuse the meaning of?

          • The shuffling homeless soldier says:

            You clearly don’t get out very much. The government even taxes food at a rate of 20%, a tax which the very poorest in our society have no choice but to eat if they want to buy even a hot pasty from Greggs.

          • Dr Nuts says:

            Hmm, I guess it’s then: if the poor get sick – let ‘em die!
            It’s certainly the hidden agenda of this Condem Govt. – rich tax avoiding party fund raisers to please!

            I condemn the idea/philosophy. There is only so much money that the rich can spend – that’s why they are saving – they can’t spend it. I have no problem with earning a fortune, I do have a problem with accumulating a fortune that cannot be spent in several lifetimes, while people starve.

            Funnily enough – so did some dude 2000 years ago – Jesus! It amazes me how may people don’t believe in him, but resort to his name when there’s need!

          • AC1 says:

            If there’s only so much they can spend, then why did they earn it in the first place?

            There’s lots people can spend it on.

            You’re zero-sum thinking betrays your marxian founded ignorance of economics.

          • Dr Nuts says:

            Got nothing to do with Marx. I’ve never read or considered Marxism.
            I am not impressed with a % of society who deliberately avoid taxes to use savings as a telephone number.
            If same % paid their taxes there would be less problems and lower taxes.

            It’s also a matter of something called honesty – try it sometime!

          • the stench of hypocrisy says:

            I don’t need lectures on tax avoidance from lefties.
            They’re the worst culprits.

      • 138
        john in cheshire says:

        Mr Watson’s theme tune – “Hey Fatty Bum Bum”.

        • 164
          Puzzled says:

          Hey – John – how can you be in Hull – and Cheshire? Or is that where your takeaway is?

      • 286
        CAROL VODAPHONE says:

        and squeeze the shit out of me

    • 209
      AC1 says:

      News, Taiwan style!

  2. 2
    Gordon The Medicated says:

    I have never met Tom Watson.

  3. 3
    Freddie Starr says:

    I liked him in Hot Fuzz. Funny fat fucker.

  4. 4
    One Nation = the EU says:

    Over 40 owning an xbox? Sad c’unt.

    • 5
      Real Middle Class Person says:

      Probably a football ‘fan’ too.

    • 27
      annette curton says:

      Pretending to be a with it DJ and a karaoke singer when aged over 45 is not cool Fatson, especially in the light of some recent revelations about your ilk, oh! I forgot that must have been why you declined getting your knob-off with that young floozy that you tried to sneak into the Hotel room with.

      • 109
        Flab Watch says:

        Quite right, there is something very suspect about over 40′s DJ,ing unless of course they are legitimate Jimmy Savile pedo retro fuckers. Then it’s not suspect.

        • 114
          Strictly Come Pervin' says:

          Even if you have the perv on tape!

        • 151
          Must get a pseudonym one day says:

          On the Savile topic….

          I note that the Met Police are now ‘taking the lead’ in all the matter.

          Well, if you need something covering up, why not get the best you can afford ?

  5. 6
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Watson is that fat and ugly, he ought to become a monk and hide himself away.

  6. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    Freddy St*r ate Jimmy Savile’s hamster apparently

  7. 8
    John Johnson says:

    “Gareth Morgan of the Daily Star Sunday and Fraser Nelson of the Spectator”, “esteemed British periodicals” come on your pulling our plonkers Hal, the first is tit and bum + footy, the other is the Tory unofficial mouth piece where Dave finds out what the grassroots think of him and his policies

    • 85
      True Conservative says:

      You haven’t read the Spectator recently, have you. If you think it represents the Conservative viewpoint, rather than that of the present left wing poseurs, then you must think again. It’s now only slightly to the right of the New Statesman.

    • 158
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      Still the Telegraph has far more kudos than the Guardian.

      • 186
        Dr Nuts says:

        According to Wright Stuff (I was bored with program testing)….
        The Times had a news article today!

  8. 9
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Ed Miliband, the One Nation Millionaire.

    • 15
      Ed Moribund says:

      I am not a Millionaire!
      I won’t get a £40,000 tax break so i can’t be , can I?

      If you don’t believe me ask Owen Jones. He’s not just some pimply student politicker, but someone who clearly understands how higher rate taxation works.

      • 94
        I'd like £40k says:

        Can I have £40k p.a. please?

        • 104
          UKIP.i.am.awake says:

          Ed Millionaireband will be waiting a long time for his £40k cheque from the tax office. The £40K cheque from UNITE is on its way though, so it’s not all bad news for him.

      • 154
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        Owen Jones is the sort of smug dripping behind the ears tw*t that got punched out at school on a regular basis.

        You just know all the girls liked him because he was so bent that they wouldn’t think he would try to put his hand up their skirts in a million years.

        Prescott on the other hand is a classic old-school sweaty trade unionist sex offender.

  9. 10
    Sy says:

    Fat Hunt

  10. 12
  11. 13
    Anonymous says:

    What’s happened to the once-fearless scourge of Murdoch at Leveson?
    Watson is behaving like a shy infant hiding behind his mummy’s skirt.

  12. 14
    Gordon Brown says:

    Urghh – he’s one of these pathetic losers who tries to be cool by liking yoof stuff. Did I ever tell you that I like the Antarctic Donkeys?

    • 21
      Ed Moribund says:

      I like arctic roll.

      And Toyah, the Kenny Everett video show. The Fall Guy. Knightrider, CurlyWurly, Ready Brek, that tartan belt with the snake buckles, Terry Christian. Soda stream, semolina, Grange Hill, Bananarama and the phrase ‘One nation.’

      I went to a school you know.
      It was the 80s.
      I was in the A list gang. We were all into new romantic metal punk waves ska. It was Cool for cats, Daddio.

  13. 16
    Fatso says:

    Fatso really does need to go for a jog.

    • 127
      Rupert Murdoch says:

      Actually I’d prefer to see him sprinting until he goes purple in the face,veins start pulsing in his temple and he gets pains in his chest.

      • 142
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Murdoch is and has been a zioloon dupe cum frontman for them for decades. Watson is also a zioloon dupe and has been for decades.

        The Zioloons – and their 100 year old attempt to dupe the masses are doomed. Their “One damnation” has begun.

      • 190
        Dr Nuts says:

        You mean like like Arthur Lydiard did, jogging, having invented it?
        Be honest, if he keels over jogging it elicits substantially less sympathy than if he went sprinting.

  14. 18
    • 24
      Max Mosley says:

      Ooh Mad Nad can lash me anyday she likes. Will she be wearing a generic 1930′s/40′s inspired German military outfit?

      • 31
        Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

        If not, she can borrow mine.

        • 196
          Dr Nuts says:

          Wont your Bolshevik wife Yvette be a bit miffed your chasing Conservative Muff?

          • Dr Nuts says:

            **your ** meant to be you’re

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Try again Dr N – you left the apostrpohe off of the word “Won’t” and you were correct in “your” initial use of “your” …Ho Hum what the f would I know?

      • 63
        John Johnson says:

        Maxy babes I do not think you like to be lashed by the Great Knout you may never be able to go to those parties you like going to.

    • 61
      Another Engineer says:

      Mad Nad has been hanging around in mid-atlantic for about a month, annoying all the forecasters by refusing to go away but not actually doing much other than stirring the waters.

      Now Ex-Nad is going to turn up during the Tory conference and cause a major depression.

    • 193
      Dr Nuts says:

      In unrelated news: the suggested boundary changes means the ‘other’ Nad is about to lose her seat.

      Despite being a Conservative, I actually like her. (Or at least her opinions on the Public School Boy Cabinet).
      Still wont vote Conservative.

  15. 19
    the savant says:

    who is this ” elementarist” Watson ?

    Strikes he’d be a good foil for the incisive intelligence and razor sharp mental focus of a fictional detective working in Victorian London ‘s Baker Street environs

    • 90
      Nigel Bruce says:

      Actually, Dr John Watson is a pretty smart cookie, if you ever read the stories. They asked me to “dumb down” the character for the film versions, since I was so good at playing a stuffy Englishman of a kind the Yanks like to make into the butt of comedy. But even my version of Watson has Fat Bastard beat hands down in the intellectual swiftness department.

  16. 22
    Labour's Playground Bully says:

    Does Fatso think he can influence the press? Was that his reason for being involved in the Leveson enquiry? Too use the press for his own pathetic ends.

  17. 25
    Aunty Matter says:

    Exclusive video of Tom Watson

  18. 28
    At what if Allah does not free him Anjem? says:
    • 32
      Sid James. says:

      He’s another one. He’ll have to go an’ all.

    • 36
      Ed Miliionaireband says:

      One Asian ! One Asian ! One Asian !

      • 148

        No, no, no Ed! You’ve got it wrong again. The chant is ‘one muslim, 200 postal votes, one muslim, 200 postal votes, one muslim, 200 postal votes.

    • 45
      Aunty Matter says:

      I hope you shit Hedgehogs.

    • 47
      Anonymous says:

      Maybe Anjem thinks his imaginary sky friend will somehow magic the keys into Hamza’s cell.

      • 73
        Another Anonymous says:

        Surely if Anjem’s magic sky friend wanted Hamza freed he would have sprung him from jail at any point during the last couple of years that Hamza has been behind bars. Or even better, would have engineered it such that Hamza never went to jail in the first place.

    • 57
      One nation, one Allah, one Ed. says:

      Hey Anjem. Didn’t you hear what Ed said? You are one of us now. But if you don’t like it feel free to leave.

    • 71
      nellnewman says:

      Are we sure this isn’t chuckusyamoney in disguise?

    • 80
      The Paragnostic says:

      Plod should kettle the twats and chuck in some tear gas for good measure.

      Shoot a couple as well and let’s have our own ‘Arab Spring’ so the poor benighted fuckers don’t feel left out.

    • 98
      A Mullah writes...... says:

      Anjem …When will Allah seize you by the balls and cast you into the pit?

      • 111
        Anonymous says:

        Since Anjem is all mouth and no trousers Allah is probably having trouble finding them.

    • 132
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      It’s funny how Unite Against Fascism never turn up to protest about cnuts like Choudary.

      Extremist Muslims are the worst fascists in the country.

      To be fair though UAF run them a close second

      • 137
        Anonymous says:

        It’s also funny how feminists never protest against Muslim fundamentalists.
        Too busy complaining about Page Three girls to worry about it?

        • 150
          Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

          Most feminists have either spaniels ears or the sort of big saggy bean bag boobs that make you wonder whether the monastic life is more appealing.

    • 236
      CIA (London Bureau) Ops says:

      Thanks Anjem, you are doing a great job. We’ll drop round the usual cheque.

    • 248
      Dr Nuts says:

      We have austerity – so why is Hamza getting legal aid?
      Make him pay for his own defence and when he loses – court costs!
      Let him live in this country like everyone else does using Conservate Justice.

      By destroying legal aid – the law’s been effectively privatised and sold to the most expensive lawyer!

  19. 29
    50 Calibre says:

    Does that blonde he picked up and tried to smuggle back into his hotel know how lucky she was?

  20. 30
    Dave"The One Term Prime Minister" Cameron says:

    I’m certainly not worried about Neo-Guido’s job ,but I am worries about how I explain the rail franchise cock up to Conference.

    £40 million of taxpayers money pissed up against a wall by that imbecile,Jusine Greening.

    What else can go wrong ?

    • 35
      Serwotka's public sector partisans says:

      Wait until you see how we’ve fucked with the 4G bids.

    • 56
      Anonymous says:

      the figure from This Week is a cost of £300m. why are the rulers of tax funds so lacking in waste management.

    • 83
      The Paragnostic says:

      It’s most unlikely that any minister had anything to do with the flawed risk assessment.

      As time goes on and the root of the problem is identified, I’ll wager that Labour appointed ‘consultants’ devised the tendering and assessment process – just one more example of the Scotched Earth policy of the last days of the Brown bunker.

      The calibre of person that rises to the top in any political party wouldn’t know how to interpret a financial risk assessment, never mind create one.

    • 126
      Pensioner going UKIP says:

      Gosbourne still being utterly useless will do.

    • 161
      Lard Presc'unt says:

      £40 million!!

      That’s nothing compared to what I pissed up against the wall – or even tried to sh*g up against the wall.

      Take a deep breath love and think of Hull Kingston Rovers!!

    • 223
      AC1 says:

      3 “civil” “servants” has been suspended…

      Need to change contracts, so we hear
      3 “civil” “servants” has been escorted from their offices and sacked.

      • 249
        Dr Nuts says:

        AS the minister admitted today –
        ‘the buck stops at this desk – there it is, pickled in that jar on the side!’

  21. 33
    Analogue boy says:

    I will only step outside if Fatso puts a paper bag over his fat,sweaty, ugly mush. I don’t want to chuck my carrots up in the street while the DJ gives me a bj.

  22. 34
    Xavier Onassis says:

    What a fat, self important pillock the man is … but the BBC loves him.

  23. 37
    not gorden brown honest says:

    self important, neurotic, control freak with megalomaniac tendencies …. I rather like him

  24. 38
  25. 40
    Tom Watson says:

    Shaaaduuup. I am playing guitar hero now dat I busted my skateboard.

  26. 41
    Mitt Wrongey says:

    I seem to have wasted $1,000 million.


    • 59
      Anonymous says:

      wasting money?
      which country or organisation wastes the least money?
      They need to be in charge of our tax funds.

    • 86
      The Paragnostic says:


      The polls don’t say so – 67% vs 25% sat you wiped the floor with the idiot Obama last night, and from what I heard on the radio you won hands down.

      You’re still a weird Mormon fucker in thrall to the 4x2s, though.

      • 224
        AC1 says:

        Better than a weird marxist black supremacist in thrall to iSlammers.

        • 233
          The Paragnostic says:

          As bad as each other, IMNSHO.

          Given the choice of a happy Netanyahoo or cheap oil, I’ll always choose the latter.

  27. 42
    Aunty Matter says:

    I love the way the BBC bigged up Red Ed’s speech calling it a game changer and making him a cert for PM in 2015 blah blah blah.

    But Romney wiping the floor with the black Kenyan Mozzie last night doesn’t matter

  28. 43
    Wiff Waff says:

    I think a new airport in the middle of the North sea will improve trade with Norway.
    £900bn well spent.

    • 130
      Boris's Bike says:

      You taking the fucking piss outer my master.

      • 144
        Anonymous says:

        Boris bikes are good clean entertaining fun.
        BJ is not suited to be prejudiced, whether against those who have a dim view of the police or those who run this country. He should humbly serve, entertain, be a universal man without prejudice and make a lotta dosh.

  29. 44
    • 66
      Jim'll Fix It says:

      I was always a staunch Labour supporter.

    • 228
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      It is absolutely indefensible to heckle a poor 11 year old schoolgirl, trying to do her best in front of an adult partisan political audience. If I had been there I would have put my arm around her and taken her to a place of safety, Probably an alcove somewhere just like my hero the late Jimmy Savile would have done, had he been there. Boaz.

    • 250
      Dr Nuts says:

      Labour are blinded by Ideology.
      Hmm, we’re in recession again…
      The rich have a tax-cut for not paying taxes!
      The middle Englanders have their pensions, childcare, incomes, and value on savings (if any) – cut.
      The sick, poor and disabled on the breadline are made to suffer.
      While the uber-rich accumulate wealth which they cannot spend in their lifetime!
      And … Labour are blinded by ideology?

      • 302
        Sarge says:

        Dear Doctor, amongst your less than edifying musings please stop referring to the English as ‘Englanders’ We are not Germans. Granted it took two world wars to persuade them thus,so given the effort we put in to win that argument, kindly refrain from using the term.

        Define ‘rich’ and ‘poor’; I am fed up with ‘closed circles’ ‘squeezed middle’ and other vague leftie bovine scatology. Let’s start with is Milliband – a millionaire or not? As he now claims he will not be getting the supposed 40K tax refund,he is therefore not a millionaire by his own definition. However his fiscal worth is said to be 5 million ish. So what is he – ‘squeezed middle’ ?’poor’? -which ‘closed circle’ is he in?

        You can see why people get confused – but at least we now know which ‘one nation’ St Ed belongs to. The deceitful one.

        I think you will also find that society in general equates wealth with success. Rich people are a product of that. The more you get the more ‘successful’ you are. Nothing to do with governments,although Blair seems to have no problem with being rich,nor did the last government who helped their rich friends with peerages and government contracts -much more moral than tax cuts of course.

  30. 46
    • 131
      True Labourites says:

      Herro, it’s a Labour Party conference?

      At least one blameless visitor needs to get abused. It’s tradition.

      If that uppity little bitch shows up again we’ll give her a good ‘Wolfganging’.

  31. 50
    Witchfinder General. says:

    This man, Sir Tom of Watson? He hath the visage of a miscreant wizard. The familiars of a toad.

    I decree he be thrown into the river. And if he so floats..it will be a bloody miracle.

    • 136
      JH says:

      When he goes in, all the water would go out, so there would be nothing to float in.

    • 166
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      Nay, nay sire.

      He has the visage of a fat lazy fucker and familiars from Latvia who “live” in Soho.

    • 308
      Sir William Waad says:

      He would be excellent cover in a gunfight.

  32. 51
    ToonBob... says:

    • 101
      Backwoodsman says:

      Hostess Quickly:
      He hath eaten me out of house and home, he hath
      put all my substance into that fat belly of his: but I will have some
      of it out again, or I will ride thee a-nights like the mare

  33. 52
    Ed Moribund says:

    ‘One Nation Under Dog’ gets 7.1 stars on IMDB.

  34. 53
    fred says:

    Watson fuck off you coke snorting, prostitute loving, fat ugly Hunt…

  35. 54
    Dumb Nation says:

    Vote Labour!

  36. 55
    nellnewman says:

    I said it earlier, I’ll say it again, is this immature person who earned his reputation as gordon’s malevolent backstabber, who spends his time playing on an Xbox or DJing really the calibre of person we need for an mp at this difficult time?

    • 58
      nellnewman says:

      I don’t suppose twatson was one of the labour conference today, or was he?, bullying, booing haranguing and harassing that immigrant school girl who was telling them about how pleased she was to have had the opportunity to be educated in an Academy and now be going on to Uni to study law?

      This is how labour responds to aspiration and hard work!!

    • 65
      Dumb Nation says:

      You are not being inclusive Nell. The Delinquent of the Labour Party is part of their inclusion policy. Every Party should have one.

      • 70
        nellnewman says:

        Well twatson the Fool is part of their heirarchy so therefore included but that poor little immigrant girl who worked her socks off at an Academy to get her exams to go to Uni is treated like scum.

        This is the reason I will never support the self serving, troughing labour party !

      • 225
        AC1 says:

        There’s unfortunately plenty in Dave’s party too.

  37. 60
    Tom Watson? Surely not? says:
  38. 69
    john hill. says:

    jimmy krankie’s let himself go a bit….

  39. 72
    Another sinister Labour related incident says:

    I find the unexplained late night death of a 23 year old model at the hotel where delegates at Labour’s conference are staying very sinister. She fell to her death from a balcony on the 9th floor in the middle of the night. The whole thing stinks of something suspicious.

    • 74
      ToonBob... says:

      I have to agree, news very subdued on the death of this ……. working girl?

      Were any of the One Nation Socialists involved?

      We hope they paid their bills after the money shots :)

    • 75
      nellnewman says:

      Yes but which labour delegates were staying there and which floors were they on? And what was she doing there?

      Interesting aside that wherever twatson was staying he was caught out trying to sneak a young woman into his room.

      Is the labour conference a serious event or a chance for delegates to get drunk, engage in casual sex and generally behave like yobs? It does seem to be the latter!

      • 103
        genghiz the kahn says:

        Health and safety – hotel should have been closed immediately to stop the loss of People’s Party Delegates to society.

        It does seem rather odd that a pretty girl fell to her death, must be a design flaw in the balcony.

    • 159

      A ‘model’, yes. Lots of them up here in Mcr in conference season.

      Well fit too…

      But come now, why would the unexplained death of a beautiful young prossie in the midst of Lab12 conference set tongues wagging?

    • 242
      The Meeja says:

      We need a fall guy before we can run with the story

  40. 76
    Another sinister Labour related incident says:

    Who was the model with? Was she alone? Who was she seen with? Was she at the conference? Was she a special guest of a conference delegate? Did she find out something she shouldn’t have? Was there a struggle because a male delegate attempted to ràpe her? Or did he actually ràpe her and kill her to shut her up? Why have police already declared within hours that they’re not treating the death as suspicious? Who has been putting pressure on the police to close the case immediately?

    • 79
      ToonBob... says:

      A working girl plunges to her death and the investigation closed within hours? Very very strange……………

      Alarm bells are ringing, at least we know that no curtains were set on fire.

      We all know that the One Nation Socialists would not get involved in any sex scandal :)

      • 84
        ToonBob... says:

        our One Nation Socialists would spin that it was a ‘bounce’ ?

      • 208
        How did things get this bad? says:

        What the police should have done, of course, is to immediately take possession of the cctv tapes, which would have shown her entering to where and with whom.

        Wait, maybe they have and it has already been destroyed, securely hidden etc., etc.

        Look at the rest of the coverups, Rochdale et al and I defy you to say the above is not possible.

  41. 77
    Funambulist says:

    My, Truman Capote looks butch in that photo!

  42. 78
    Dumb Nation says:

    Critic? Shurely shome mishtake?

  43. 82
    Another sinister Labour related incident says:


    She died Sunday night. Why has this been disclosed only now? Why have the police declared she fell before any investigation has taken place? Why haven’t any Labour delegates been interviewed as part of the investigation into her death? Why has it been quickly filed away? Like I said, this whole thing stinks.

    • 88
      Greg House says:

      Cards anyone ?

    • 91
      The Paragnostic says:

      The lass was from Blackburn.

      Any connection to Labour is straw-thin.

    • 95
      Aunty Matter says:

      Because the MSM are up the arses of the political elite.

    • 133
      Religion: The Original Sin says:

      Twatson was lying on the pavement, but she missed.

    • 143
      Jimmy So Vile says:

      Honestly– she told me she was sixteen, and I had no reason to doubt her!

    • 145
      Anonymous says:

      It was reported a couple of days ago, but the police immediately declared the death wasn’t suspicious.
      Did she leave a suicide note? Has anyone interviewed her family?

      • 156
        Tay King-dePisse says:

        This has all the scent of the proverbial old Southern US sheriff, who, when called to the scene of the discovery of a dead body, finds out it is that of a gentleman of the dark complexion. Seeing this, he turns to his deputy and tells him to write it up as death by natural causes; the deputy rolls his eyes and says, “But Boss, he’s got twenty bullet wounds!” Whereupon the Sheriff says, “That many slugs in yuh is gon’ ‘naturally cause’ death, son.” Now tell me that a police force like the one in Manchester is completely incapable of doing the same kind of thing when the Labour Party conference is in town, or at any other time for that matter, and see how long you can keep a straight face! Some girl they think is a “pro”, staying in a hotel where (possibly) some Shadow Minister’s family/friends/staffers might be staying, dies a suspicious death– ermm, you MIGHT want to leave that one on the back burner, for a little while anyway…

    • 173
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      Clearly a hooker in town because she knew there would be lots of business.

      But holy f*ck how desperate would you have to be to sh*g Labour politicians or local party representatives

      • 210
        Leek Kinnochio Top Top Top Salary Multipensions says:

        (T)watson imagery causing deep feelings of puke.

  44. 87
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have rolled six bogeys together to make a GIANT BOGEY. I am going to call it BORIS THE BIG BOGEY. What shall we talk about, Boris?

  45. 97
    Tom Watson says:

    I confess. I’m having an affair with an extra large deep pan stuffed crust meat supreme pizza.

  46. 100
    A Mullah writes...... says:

    Choudry will have to go!

  47. 110
    Spun Nation says:

    Fatson is Labour’s very own deluded George Clooney in a fat suit.

  48. 115
    JOHN LEMMON says:

    Imagine there’s no BBC. It’s easy if you try…



    • 129
      Henry II says:

      Another typical BBC report not bothering to move 50 miles outside of London to film, thus managing to proselytise about the wonders of multiethnic multiculturalism. Of course, like most evangelists and zealots, you just want to smack them round their smug faces.

      • 165
        annette curton says:

        Hear that about the BBC studios multimillion pound move to Salford?, bit of a disaster, nobody can be arse’d travelling all that way to sit on one of their Sofas, not even Worsley Man, discovered in a Chat Moss peat bog… unless he had a book to promote.

  49. 119
    Henry II says:

    Who will rid us of this fat cuпt?

    • 123
      Fabians are Evil says:

      This Oaf has a very over inflated view of his own worth and importance – he reminds me of a fat yapping jack russell too fat to lick his own arse so he has to sniff around other arseholes.

      I wish he would just go away and stick his fat head up a dead dogs bum.

    • 182

      I don’t remember the original quote having the word FAT in it.

  50. 120
    Justine Greening says:

    But I can’t pay back £40 Million for the rail franchise cock -up.

    Being a Tory, I suggest the plebs pay it back.

    Now kindly leave me alone

    • 128
      Gordon the Medicated says:

      He he.
      I moved the decimal point. And I’ll do it again too! Zero percent ham! It started in Armenia. Its the wright brothers thing to do. lifting the paw out of panda..wibble.

    • 184
      Alex says:

      Let me guess – I bet you use the word “tory” as an insult when it suits you.

      Grow up and learn that all three parties are full of useless scumbags who could never get a proper job and think they rule (rather than serve) us

    • 185
      UKIP.i.am.awake says:

      It was a public sector cock-up so it should come out of public sector salaries or pensions.

      • 268
        Guilty! Me? says:

        or just possibly private sector (OMFG!!!) so-called “consultants” who were responsible for the whole crooked fiasco and should therefore be fully charged for any losses.

  51. 135
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Watson will be in the Double Shadow Cabinet.

  52. 140
    blub says:

    If the Leveson inquiry eventually leads to a Bureau for Press Freedom where they censor the news to be politically correct it might need a slim, good-looking and far-sighted kommisar.

    • 167
      The Director of Politically Correct and Convenient Troof at the BBC says:

      Enough of that! I’m already in place, – on, I may add, an appropriately high salary – with ‘benefits’ (as we call them).

      Now, what was your question?

      While you’re thinking, check you’ve paid your Telly Tax!

      Sorry, – too late – you’ve had your chance! I’m off to a Post-Conference Reception for the Socialist Intellectual Elite.

      • 177
        blub says:

        “I’m already in place”

        At the BBC maybe. I meant one to censor the newspapers.

        • 254
          The Director of Politically Correct and Convenient Troof at the BBC says:

          We work closely with our Partners at the Grouniad. Our News Partnership / Community is complete and replete.

          In passing – are there any other newspapers worth considering? Statutory instruments directed from Brussels will take care of any untoward ‘reporting’ that may unsettle the sheeple.

  53. 146
    Fixitforme says:

    A freckled schoolgirl I hear? Any video?

  54. 160
    Saffron says:

    Can’t say I’m overbothered by asshole fat Watson and the pompous crap he spouts.
    Suffice it to say the windbag is LIEBOUR and most of us know quite well what this bunch of commie rabble have done to this country,in that they could.nt give a shit as long as they filled their pockets with taxpayers cash.
    We seriously seriously need a leader who commands respect so far not apparent.
    Will Cammoron/Cleggover fit the bill,probably not seeing they are both in thrall to the EUSSR.
    Millipede and his one nation is crap,the farther Ralph when he was given leave to shelter in this country from the nazi’s,then spent the rest of his life brainwashing students into communism.
    Millipede and his bannana brother were brought up in such a household,tell you what folks form your own conclusions.
    What springs to my mind is what the Jesuits used to say all those years ago,look it up you may be surprised.

  55. 170
    Aunty Matter says:

    4.500 BBC c u n t z on a tax doge (Tomorrows Telegraph)

    • 174
      BBC Executive Spokesperson says:

      Look, people love the BBC more than anything in the world. Anyone can tell this by the number of reports on the BBC about how much people love the BBC. Fact.

      It’s ridiculous then to expect the brilliant people at the brilliant BBC to pay taxes, viewers want them to keep all the money for a job sooo well done. Given the choice they would pay even more for the TV license if it meant the brilliant people at the BBC getting more money. Especially Jonathan Ross. He earns a pittance relative to his talent.

      So pay your TV license and settle down quietly in front of Alan Fucking Carr like a good little peon.

      • 181

        Alan Carr is on the other side.

        Guardian broke the BBC story embargo. Not like them to be in a rush to criticise the BBC or highly paid public sector workers avoiding tax.

        Something must have gone wrong. Probably left unpaid interns in charge while they were watching Mad Hattie.

        • 262
          JH says:

          I might have known that if I ever watched any of the fucking shit the dim-witted like to have pumped into their eyeballs.

    • 188
      UKIP.i.am.awake says:

      Ah yes when BBC workers dodge tax it is ok because it is legal but when bankers do it is unethical and immoral. Spot the difference.

      • 194
        The BBC are cunts says:

        We’re awash with Libor supporters ?

      • 237
        The Paragnostic says:

        If an IT consultant tries it, we get fucked over under IR35.

        Why this doesn’t apply to luvvies and civil servants is beyond me.

        Time the taxman treated these unproductive bastards the same as the rest of us.

        • 240
          Dr Nuts says:

          BBC luvvies are civil servants!
          How about the MP’s gold plated pensions? Anyone giving them the same treatment as the teachers?
          We could save ourselves a fortune in the future!

    • 189
      genghiz the kahn says:

      nothing to see.


      time that socialism lovin’, eu arse lickin’, Thatcher hattin’, banker bashin’ organisation added tax dodgin’ to its activies.

      • 202
        Aunty Matter says:

        Makes you wonder just how long the Tories will continue to let the BBC get away with all these scams. Tax doding and kiddie fiddling. Oh and promoting Muslim terrorists.

      • 239
        Dr Nuts says:

        Nothing to see…
        Almost a completely accurate statement about BBC content!
        Almost – they sometimes do a good documentary.
        Any good series has 3 (or 6) episodes!

        Worth the tax-money?
        How about pay-for-view content?

    • 216
      Murdoch(s) Inc. says:

      Memo to Ann Robinson—”goodbye””.

    • 245
      Jimmy's Tax Consultancy and Escort Service says:

      How’s about that then guy’s and gals?

    • 267
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      Polly Toynbee was the social affairs editor at the BBC for 7 years. Someone should ask her whether she was on PAYE or not?

    • 269
      Artful Doger says:

      /// a tax doge…??

      Do they do this in Venice as well then?

  56. 171
    nellnewman says:

    Militwit’s one nation speech was premised on several lies.

    The first is that cameron is paying himself £40k cheques from the Treasury because he owns property worth more that £1million. It isn’t true. But when militwit was questioned about whether he owned property worth more than £1million (he owns a house in London worth £1.6million + a valuable country cottage) he declined to answer. If what he said in his speech is true then militwit is also getting then £40k cheques!!

    Militwit spoke about labour wanting a One Nation Society and yet on last day of conference when an immigrant lass spoke about her joy of being able to study at an Academy and having the chance to go onto uni, labour booed her!!

    They are obviously happy for their own heirs and spares ( the dromeys, straws and bliars ) to make uni and succeed but prefer the petit bourgoisie to do more menial work!

  57. 180
    • 205
      How did things get this bad? says:

      The head of Rochdale Social Services has been allowed to resign so that he avoids answering charges over his despicable dereliction of duty in allowing the Rochdale sex ring to operate for years even though he was told explicitly what was happening.

      This cannot be right or allowed, notice to the resignation of the Chief Constable – rats swarming away.

      No mention of thisd by the bbc – quelle surprise.

    • 313
      Eric Cartman says:

      She wants a man who will load a dishwasher for her well she was stupid enough to marry someone from Labour’s all wimmin shortlist so she is stuck with a lazy woman rather than a capable man

  58. 187
    Tony Blair says:

    There has to be some mistake. No way would Labour boo an asylum child for praising the academy school that we set up to give her the best education possible.

    Would they?

    • 192
      Diane Fatbott says:

      They’re racists !

      • 244
        The way of the world says:

        You are so right. Either that or they have finally realised that all these immigrants they let in are having children who are going to compete with their own kids for middle class jobs: and with ‘equal opportunities’ they will almost certainly be able to do that successfully.

    • 222
      Dianne (west indian mothers love their children) Fatwat says:

      Private schools are not for the plebs.

      • 294
        Dem Arseholes am not for da turnin' says:

        Me ass says dat am right! – or on da left, – innit!

  59. 195

    Dolescum on Newsnight whining about her tiny b&b room in front of TV bigger than her bed, showing pics of poor conditions on her iPhone.


  60. 198
    The BBC are cunts says:

    We will mercilessly criticise and pursue any Tories who would dare to do likewise…

    • 258
      Ed's Millions says:


    • 263
      BBC Executive Spokesperson says:

      Look, we were avoiding tax for all the right reasons. Some of that money is being spent in delightful, fanciful little shops in Islington – we wouldn’t waste it on something horrible like horrible Tories do.

      Some of it also finds it way into the pockets of our maids and au pairs. See? Trickle down economics.

      Finally, we are not at all ashamed of the fact that TV license non-payment is the number one cause of imprisonment of females in this country. They should be ashamed for expecting to watch a television without paying us a tasty little tithe so we can bum our way around White City in style.

      Next – Jonathan Ross, bigging up one of his tedious celeb friends!

  61. 200
    annette curton says:

    Lol, now I understand why Guido & Co need this strict moderation policy, nearly got away with saying Luton, not a reference to that somebody on a serious drugs charge, just to a boring town up north somewhere.

  62. 203
    Watson says:

    Something is not right about this poor Welsh child’s disaperance and the way the “Haddu” are going about solving it.

    I doubt their chif suspect is a perv, given the number of mature women he has reproduced with.

    The Daily Telegraph says he is a bad un because he carris a pen knife. What world do DT reporters live in?.

    He was found by the cops walking back to the village in broad daylight.

    It seems he was seen giving little April a ride from the estate in daylight in his distinctive LHD rover and made no attempt at secrecy.

    By all accounts he is a jolly good fellow.

    Verry odd.

  63. 206
    Grant Shapps says:

    Oy Vey,am I trouble now already !

    • 215
      P.Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

      Relax !! You’re talking to the ‘Comeback’ ( ahem ) Kid extraordinaire !

  64. 252
    Vichy One-term 'Dave' says:

    I do my very best to keep Brussels happy!

  65. 266
  66. 272
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    Surely there must be a public enquiry into the tax dodging culture at the BBC?

    It will be fun watching all those hypocrites who say the BBC is not left-wing biased defending the BBC.

    • 277
      Well it's a thought says:

      Wash your mouth out the BBC is beloved of the people of Britain and when Liebour get back in again, the BBC will go from strength to strength and then Europe and then the world, oh fck they have already done that.

  67. 275
    Anonymous says:

    Something for nothing in Scotland coming to an end?


    Will the lion rampart Alex Salmong sort this out?

    • 276
      Well it's a thought says:

      Just wondering if he needs a pay rise and he’s found that it could come from that area after all they’re only plebs and he’s more important.

  68. 279
    Labour says:

    We have no comment on the totally unsuspicious death of a 23 year old model in the middle of the night at the hotel where conference delegates have been staying. We did not know this woman or the fact she was born in Latvia and had been living in Blackburn and that the police have declared her death totally not suspicious and closed the case immediately which we can’t comment on but totally agree with closing it and declaring it not suspicious. No further comment.

    • 303
      Fake Blood says:

      In their defence, she’s a wee bit old for most lefties, especially lefties on a day out.

  69. 281
    Grollace says:

    Daily Express now operates a firewall on comments, which is presumably to stop casual readers, appalled at the standard of literacy in its articles from allowing their thoughts being aired.
    Under a headline today “ED MILIBAND FEAR OVER LOW-SKILL MIGRANTS” it goes on to say: “Mr M’band repeated a promise that Labour would enforce the national minimum wage and stop job agencies from hiring only people from overseas”… …but missed out completely on job agencies from hiring donkeys from overseas!

    • 287
      My Saintly Aunt, - the Biased Bullshit Corpse, says:

      We are shocked! – SHOCKED I tell ‘ee and horrified – that some certain of our really super-duper ‘employees’ (sic) – don’t pay proper taxis – an’ that!

      In other Noos MillyBlahBlah says imgrunts must be selectud better ‘n that – on account £ieBore let the fuckers in to start with. Knowotimeen?

      Now pay your Telly Tax – you baleful bastards! – you know it’s worth it!

  70. 284
    MB. says:

    The Sun has a piece on Battie Hattie today

    “Leftie Hattie, 62, from Camberwell makes a right tit of herself “

  71. 292
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Seeing as the BBC are dodging taxes then it should be OK for everyone to dodge the telly tax.

    I haven’t paid it for 7 years.

    Catch me if you can you beeboid pedo druggie bastard scum :-)

    • 298
      BBC Executive Spokesperson says:

      Hey! That £1000 you owe us could keep me in coke and rent boys for a couple of days at least! We need the inspiration provided by such stimulus to come up with the brilliantly original television which we broadcast day in, day out and then send you threatening letters to demand you pay for.

      You selfish Tory scum bastard.

  72. 297
    Grant Shapps aka Michael Green says:

    I fully expect to be the subject matter of the Friday caption contest !!!!!

    • 301
      I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

      I wonder if we’ll have to get into the spirit of the occasion by phoning our entries through to a premium rate number that costs $300 per call.

      FFS, prior to promoting Schapps didn’t Cameron think to ask Shapps if there were, you know, any skeletons in the cupboard?

      Or maybe he did, and thought dodgy get-rich-quick schemes (by people who use false names) are all above board.

  73. 300
    Justine Greening says:

    But Richard Branson said that he had this sorted with Guido and I would feature in the Friday caption contest.

    I’m going to complain to Mad Frankie Maude.

  74. 305
    Last remaining pie in Manchester says:

    This man has eaten all my family and friends. Please don’t let him get me too.

  75. 307
    Fat Barrel of spew says:

    Fucking lardarse.

  76. 311
    Brass Monkey says:

    Anyone noticed how this fat pratt looks like Onslow in “Keeping up Appearances.”

Seen Elsewhere

Guido’s Column | Sun
NUT’s Loony Defence of Status Quo | Jago Pearson
A Dozen Reasons to Be Cheerful | John McTernan
Political Bloggers Are Equal Opportunities Attackers | ConHome
Michael Gove Should Resign | Conservative Women
Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads