September 25th, 2012

Sell! Sell! Sell!

Any whisper of greenshoots will be wiped out at 14:30 GMT when Jonah Brown rings the bell at the New York Stock Exchange:

“On Tuesday, September 25, Gordon Brown, UN Special Envoy for Global Education and former UK Prime Minister, and his wife Sarah Brown, founding Chair of the Global Business Coalition for Education will visit the New York Stock Exchange and ring The Opening Bell. In his capacity as UN Special Envoy for Global Education, Mr. Brown is joining with UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon at the UNGA this week to launch Education First, a UN initiative to put education on top of the development agenda.”


UPDATE: Oh no:


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Thats the USA fucked then!

    Meanwhile Blair gives his view on ant-Islam film > Partners in crime!


  2. 2
    B.Obama says:

    Oh Crap


  3. 3
    Filthy Rich Capitalist says:

    Just purchased Proshares triple S&P 500 short ETF. Thanks for the tip Guido.


  4. 4
    Raving Loon says:

    “UN Special Envoy for Global Education”

    I think I’ve just had an aneurysm.


    • 20
      nellnewman says:

      No it’s too funny for words LOL!

      He managed to destroy the UK economy and ruin our education system – then drummed out of office he turned his attention to global education instead where he’ll make not one iota of difference to so much as a flea.

      The man is a complete and utter failure in every aspect of his life. And his clothes horse wife, who should be revelling in being a mother, just seems to spend her time on planes flying to and fro between one women’s breakfast/lunch and another spouting loads of hot air to other wealthy women about ‘changing the world’.


      • 40
        Aunty Matter says:

        She should stick to changing Gordon’s skidmarked pants.


      • 73
        Dr Nuts says:

        You’re looking at this wrong – G.Brown changing the world means he’s volunteered to be the first Man on Mars!
        What could possibly go wrong? Who wouldn’t cheer!


      • 119
        Dr Nuts says:

        You’re a lot closer to the mark than you realise.
        In the mid-90s we had a new education system being researched for potential development and rollout. We had the research grants, we had the manpower.
        We had an election, and 6 months later we had neither!

        2008 under Merkal’s leadership (she actually does that!) Germany started the long process towards implementing that same education system.


      • 128
        Anonymous says:

        Ladies who lunch,The Clitteratti.
        C Haughty


    • 110
      Sweeney, The says:

      Global Envoy for Special Education more likely


    • 151
      Kasou says:

      Me to ,, but then the Middle East looks peaceful since Sir Tone became special envoy


  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    No time for Parliament tho


  6. 6
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Why is that man & his beard not outcasts from civil society?



  7. 7
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Jesus wept!


  8. 8
    Piss pot says:

    Hope that bell lands on his daft head. I absolutely detest that barsteward!


  9. 9

    You must be kidding after the disaster that is English education nowadays.


  10. 10
    Stan says:

    UN Envoy for Edukashun?

    After what the Labour Party did to education in Britain?

    That is almost as macabre as Tony Blair being a Un peace Envoy.



  11. 11
    B.Obama says:

    What is Global Education? Is it Geography, Cartography, Humanities?

    I assume you get a free hall pass and never have to attend classes…


  12. 13
    genghiz the kahn says:

    A heid case of bells.


  13. 15
    Sophie says:

    Letting that fiscal lunatic & international financial vandal anywhere near a Stock Exchange is foolish in the extreme.

    What if he goes mental & chucks a Nokia at a trading desk?

    What if he is photographed with his trousers tucked into his socks again?

    What if he sees Obama & goes careering after him like a whippet after a rabbit through the kitchens?

    Wont someone please think of the consequences.


    • 51
      Chairman of Nokia says:

      And since this hooligan started thowing our phones at employees

      We have bombed


      • 87
        Dr Nuts says:

        Sadly several factors were not sufficient:
        1 Immediacy – you should have bombed straight away.
        2 Accuracy – you missed no 10 Downing Street
        3 Impact – your bomb did not have a high enough yield.
        4 Distance – you’ve got satellites …. the blithering idiot wouldn’t have seen it coming!
        5 Publicity – there’s no such thing as bad publicity – trust me on this!!
        You DO have a second chance!


  14. 17
    Steve Miliband says:

    Can he stay there with his mate Piers, permanently


  15. 18
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    Just gone short 13595 stop loss 13615


  16. 19
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Please tell me that they’re not still letting him roam the world unsupervised.


  17. 21
    Ronald Cohen says:

    I was born a pleb but now run a hedge fund,oy vey.

    Fast well tonight/tomorrow ,Guido.


  18. 22
    Hackney Cabbie says:

    Fucking Scottish pleb, mother of all insults


  19. 23
    The Hand That Rocks The Cradle says:


  20. 24
    Steve Miliband says:

    Picture the scene:
    A Gurning Gordon, wearing a helicopter helmet, walks into a cupboard en route to the floor, fails to shake hands with one dignatary, then tries to shake the hand of a Security guard and then thanks the Los Angeles university for having him before launching into 20 minutes of tractor stats, which sends Wall street crashing.


  21. 25
    Gordoom on his Pills says:

    Blinky Balls did not tell me that the City of London had become a criminal cesspit

    Did he know?


  22. 26
    DZ says:

    What is Brown going to teach anybody?


  23. 28
    nellnewman says:

    And I suppose he threw another of his paddies at the airport and forced other more deserving passengers out of their business class seats so he could get an upgrade for himself his wife and his bodyguards?

    This man should never be allowed out of kirkcaldy – he is a a burden on the public purse, a gross nuisance and a danger to the travelling public with his flying nokia.


  24. 29
    Jimmy says:

    I know. I miss him too.


  25. 30
    wibbler says:

    UN Special Envoy for Global Education. Hmmm, silly old me. I thought his job was being an MP


  26. 31
    Aunty Matter says:

    Jesus, the BBC just covered the one eyed mong’s appearance LIVE, John Sober sounded like he was wetting his lace panties with the excitement of seeing the one eyed shirt lifter from Fife on TV.

    Sky News din’t cover it live.

    We also need to ask WHY Frank the cripple Gardner spouted off about the Queen, anyone want to bet someone will now try to claim she was influencing the government so it’s not fair to deport Hamza to the USA?


  27. 34
    Breaking news says:

    The US stock market has crashed. Hundreds of people are jumping off skyscrapers in Wall Street. It’s panic and pandemonium.


  28. 35
    Tell Twatson says:


    • 44
      Piss pot says:

      You want to try “narrowing down” yourself first T.Watson. Pathetic fat git.


      • 52

        I’d stay away from areas outside your expertise Tom – and that’s a whole world full of things as well as “Indie Music”. I’d stick to sandwich, pie and pasty fillers – so obviously your baileywick. Stick to what you know, mate.

        Albert Hall’s brother, Fugg.


    • 49
      Crazy Tony says:

      Cant go wrong with these…

      Her comes the sun – The beatles
      News of the world – The Jam
      Mr Blue Sky – ELO


    • 58
      Empty Ed Milliband says:

      When the pleb dave has finally destroyed the Tory Party

      And I am elected triumfantly

      I will appoint Tom Watson Minister of Justice and Mudslinging

      I owe it to him


    • 60
      Sophie says:

      Best economy killers?

      That would be you fatso.

      Put down the fork.


    • 67
      I don't need no doctor says:

      Eh Watson I didn’t know they had a disco for one.


    • 89
      EdButLookBalls says:

      Fred West and I hope he uses you, you fat cnut for ballast!


    • 144
      JH says:

      I’d suggest ‘Debaser’ by the Pixies to someone who isn’t a complete cvnt.

      You on the other hand Watson… can fuck yourself.


  29. 37
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    Just sold out 13585

    Well done Guido.

    Tipster extraordinaire ;


  30. 39
    Crazy Tony says:

    How can he keep a straight face and still draw his parliamentary salary? eh?


  31. 41
    Roger The cabin Boy says:

    Well we were expecting Wall St. to go tits-up at anytime.


  32. 42
    YorkshireLad says:

    An MP who fails to attend at least 50% debates/votes should forfeit salary and expenses.


  33. 45

    Therefore, send not to know
    For whom the bell tolls,
    It tolls for thee.

    That will be £20,000, plus ex’s – nah, just a cheque made out to “cash” – we don’t want the VAT or tax man involved, do we squire?!



  34. 46
    The Nopo York Stock Exchange says:

    We’re doomed! DOOMED! – I TELL YE!


  35. 47
    Chairman of Wall Street says:

    We are inviting Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson for
    follow-up gigs

    We are the home of Ponzi Schemes after all

    Now that the Feds have put Berie away for life

    We need some acolytes to continue the tradition


  36. 50
    Postal Vote says:

    Lots of traveling on expenses. And the missuz will put lengthy phone conversations on the bill as well, no doubt.

    PS it was a clever strategy to expand the public sector to buy lots of votes and bribe the Guardian through public sector job ads revenue to get favourable coverage that got rehashed on the beeb. Not as thorough as Ed and Ed though, both of whom who dated beeb economics editor Ms Flanders, but hey, Mandelson may have a view on why that did not happen.


    • 57
      jgm2 says:

      Look on the bright side. while he’s in the US he’s not fucking up anything in the UK.

      Cheap at twice the pr*ice.


  37. 55
    Gov. Twitt Romnishambles says:

    This airplane’s stuffy, can someone crack a window?


  38. 56
    Um... says:

    Is that a GOLD WATCH you’re wearing turdface?

    Why not sell it you lunaticial arse?


  39. 64
    jimbo says:

    How the hell diid the “idiot” get that job, he destroyed our own education system along with the economy, remember the “Gold”
    Who in the hell is looking after these polical failures.


    • 69
      jgm2 says:

      Look, it’s a big global joke. Robert Mugabe is a ‘UN leader for tourism’ despite being subject to a travel ban and turning his country from a tourist paradise into an economic basket case.

      Tony Blair is a UN peace envoy despite engineering a trumped up case for war in Iraq resulting in 100’s of 1000’s of deaths.

      It’s a big fucking joke.

      Brown. UN ‘education envoy’. Hahahahahahaha.

      Too bad Harold Shipman isn’t still alive. They could make him UN envoy for elderly women.


      • 74
        Fred West says:

        What UN job would I have got?


      • 86
        Loungelizard says:

        Tony Blair becomes middle east peace envoy, unprecedented violence breaks out throughout the middle east, Tony Blair becomes very rich….I fail to see the joke.


        • 91
          Loungelizard says:

          Sorry I see how it works now. Gordon Brown becomes global envoy for education. Education standards become totally decimated throughout the world, Gordon Brown becomes very rich.


          • jgm2 says:

            Robert Mugabe becomes UN leader for tourism, fucks up his economy, scares all the tourists away, Robert Mugabe becomes very rich.

            You’ve got it.


  40. 68
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    How the hell did he get a visa?


  41. 70
    I don't need no doctor says:

    For doom the bell tolls.


  42. 72
    Annoyed says:

    Apart from kickstarting a depression, how much is he being paid/claiming for going to ring a fucking bell?


  43. 81
    Moral Collapse Blair says:

    We should have left this looney in the Jock Bog where he belongs


  44. 85
    Postal Vote says:



  45. 94
    jgm2 says:

    Loving the background.

    Child + Teacher = Hope.

    Or, if you live in the UK

    Child + Teacher = France


  46. 98
    Jimmy says:

    Oh look. The Dow’s up. Coincidence…?


  47. 102
    Kim Jong Un says:

    I’m glad to see the UK Labour party following in our footsteps with the Yung Blair and Yung Straw

    Nothing like having the sons of disastrous bosses to repeat the same disasters


  48. 103
  49. 106
    Gordon Brown says:

    I believe in morality

    Everything is do is moral, by definition….


  50. 109
    Anonymous says:

    Is this the first photo of Gordon and Sarah together?


  51. 112
    Goldman Frauds says:

    Wer got him invited over so that we can short the shit out of
    this overpriced market….


  52. 115
    jgm2 says:

    Brown – Global envoy for fucking everything up.


  53. 117
    Lady Gag's buttocks says:

    He should never be invited to anything

    Only celebrities like me should open the Stock Exchanges of the world


  54. 123
    oddly helpful says:

    Quoting that extra digit was the Devil’s second-best trick.
    There is seemingly no limit to your confidence in the efficacy of Jonah’s curse!


  55. 131
    What do you expect from the left (BBC)... says:

    What is it about the Americans that they look up to Blair & Brown. Two nasty dishonest individuals, one killed countless good people including his own countrymen in Iraq by lieing, the other took a sound British economy and turned it into a basket case. Now look at the obscene amounts of cash they both grab to themselves. Leave you to guess which is which!!


  56. 133
    Dame Gillian Duffy of Shitholeshire says:

    Its difficult to tell one bell-end from another in that picture.


  57. 135
    Hey Lordy, pick a bale of cotton. says:

    That teacher who has apparently legged over/it to the continent with his 15 yr old girl pupil/friend has snagged a right stunnah judging by the pictures in the MSM.
    Bit of an early developing page 3 candidate, I reckon.


    • 145
      JH says:

      To be fair, the ‘teacher’ only looks 17.

      Probably a right little staff room Trot with the prerequisite self-enabling bullshit syndrome going on.


  58. 136
    a squid eating dough in a polyethelene bag says:

    child + teacher = 15 years in the clink


  59. 137

    How can Brown be a special envoy for global education when he can’t even read and write himself ?


  60. 141
    GUBU says:

    Brown – Power = Still a complete C~%t!


  61. 142
    Jonah he certainly is says:

    Oh Gordon!!!!
    Dow Jones is down 24 points right now.


  62. 146
    JH says:

    Let’s do a survey – I knew two girls at school who shagged a teacher, one of whom was 15 at the time. In a field.

    Anyone else? In the name of science, obviously.


  63. 147
    welshwiz says:

    This is truly an auspicious time for Jonah to turn up at the New York Stock Exchange. George Soros has recently been dumping enormous quantities of financial stocks including JPMorgan Chase, Capital One, and Wells Fargo among others.

    Soros obviously knows something Jonah doesn’t.


  64. 148
    Farmer says:

    Dow finished down 101 points. Biggest drop for 2 months.

    A coincidence?


  65. 150
    JH says:

    According to ZeroHedge, Fibonacci wave theory would indicate this is a major market top and turning point. Downwards

    How ironic would it be if Jonah rang the bell on a multi-year high, to be followed by the Greater Depression.

    Of course, tribal lickspittles like Jimmy will try to spin it as everything going downhill because Gordon was not there to ring the bell every day.


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