September 20th, 2012

Guidogram Going Out Shortly

The Guidogram round-up of the week is going out shortly.

Thousands of Westminster insiders read the Guidogram, everyone from Downing Street insiders to Fleet Street never miss it. Don’t miss out on Nick Clegg going viral, Ken Clarke’s candid Carlton Club confessions and Lord Sugar joining Guido for a laugh at Piers Morgan’s expense.

Join the conspiracy and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, free, to keep in the loop. You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
  2. 2
    Sir William Waad says:

    Let’s hear what Tom Watson MP has to say about the Guidogram:

  3. 3
    Fuck off, B1lly says:

    Kebab Time will kill himself for missing out on first place in the comments.

  4. 4
    annette curton says:

    Are they prescription glasses or is it just an affectation?.

  5. 5
    Nick I-did-so-want-to-be-a-prime-minister-one-day Clegg says:

    I can empathise with KT.
    Me, I’m heavily into Spain-trotting

  6. 6
    Thick as a Planck says:

    Tom doesn’t need glasses to make a spectacle of himself

  7. 7 says:

    The Iranian police are now on the look-out for a woman in a burka.

  8. 8
    Ken "call me Ahmed" Livingstone says:

    God willing, I will win the next Mayoral election in London and, inshallah, turn London into a beacon of Islam and we, too, will have police patrolling the streets ensuring compliance with the Islamic dress code.

    Death to all women to disobey!

    Note to feminists: please don’t forget to vote for me, too.

  9. 9
    annette curton says:

    All it takes is two monocles and a bit of wire.

  10. 10 says:

    “The Liberal Democrats have been some of the strongest supporters of Harriet Harman’s Equality Act 2010, voting for it in the last Parliament. Now they are breaking that very law. That, in essence, is what the party’s lawyers have concluded.

    The problem is the Lib Dem constitution, which dictates that a third of all seats on various party committees must be reserved for women, and a third for men.”

    I wonder who or what the other third are reserved for?

  11. 11
    AC1 says:


  12. 12
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    I said this was a load of pretentious old socialist bollocks from the start .

    Women are superior to men .

  13. 13
    annette curton says:

    Jack Dromey?.

  14. 14
    Nick Clegg says:

    I know I signed a pledge at the election which I later broke. And for that I’m sorry. But today, I pledge to you that I won’t break any more pledges in future. I pledge that if you vote Lib Dem at the next election, I will give everyone in the country £50.

  15. 15
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    The cleric described the beating as “the worst day of my life.”

    Christ, it must have been bad; one imagines that living in Iran has got to be one of the most miserable and pointless existences known to man, and being an Islamic cleric can’t be a bundle of joy, either. Add the two together and you really have got hell on Earth. And they thank god for this??

  16. 16
    Try it - you won't go back says:

    The only position for women is prone.

  17. 17
    Dianne Hippocrit Abbot says:

    West Indian mothers would go to the wall for the latest Guidogram.

  18. 18
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Their sandals and long hairy beards (the men’s and the women’s)?

  19. 19
    Nothing To Get Hung About says:

    The trouble with burqas is that, when they lift you up by the crane, the knot isn’t placed correctly because of all the clothing in the way, and instead of just twitching for a few seconds till you pass out, you end up doing the Tyburn jig. Of course, some in Iran don’t really give a monkey’s about “humane” treatment of women anyway.

  20. 20
    Islamic faithful says:

    No. We know life here is miserable, that is why we are so keen to die and then get our 40 virgins. If we take a few of you with us while we die, so much the better.

  21. 21
    Ex Voter says:

    Is the answer Lembit Opik?

  22. 22
    Kebab Time says:

    I am still celebating my 1000 firsts – no need to kill myself

  23. 23
    optional says:

    The third way. Those who who neither men nor women. Life can get confusing if you are one of them, especially when having to choose which door to go through when entering a public convenience in Soho.

  24. 24
    Lord Mooncrater says:

    Err, it’s 72 virgins, I understand.

    Just immagine that. You would be lying in bloodsoaked bed every time you had a poke for months/years.

  25. 25
    Lord Mooncrater says:

    She is pregnant FFS. If these clowns get nukes then we are in trouble.

Seen Elsewhere

ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath
Boris: Jihadis are W*nkers | Sun

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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