September 20th, 2012

Guidogram Going Out Shortly

The Guidogram round-up of the week is going out shortly.

Thousands of Westminster insiders read the Guidogram, everyone from Downing Street insiders to Fleet Street never miss it. Don’t miss out on Nick Clegg going viral, Ken Clarke’s candid Carlton Club confessions and Lord Sugar joining Guido for a laugh at Piers Morgan’s expense.

Join the conspiracy and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, free, to keep in the loop. You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
    • 7 says:

      The Iranian police are now on the look-out for a woman in a burka.

    • 8
      Ken "call me Ahmed" Livingstone says:

      God willing, I will win the next Mayoral election in London and, inshallah, turn London into a beacon of Islam and we, too, will have police patrolling the streets ensuring compliance with the Islamic dress code.

      Death to all women to disobey!

      Note to feminists: please don’t forget to vote for me, too.

    • 15
      I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

      The cleric described the beating as “the worst day of my life.”

      Christ, it must have been bad; one imagines that living in Iran has got to be one of the most miserable and pointless existences known to man, and being an Islamic cleric can’t be a bundle of joy, either. Add the two together and you really have got hell on Earth. And they thank god for this??

      • 20
        Islamic faithful says:

        No. We know life here is miserable, that is why we are so keen to die and then get our 40 virgins. If we take a few of you with us while we die, so much the better.

        • 24
          Lord Mooncrater says:

          Err, it’s 72 virgins, I understand.

          Just immagine that. You would be lying in bloodsoaked bed every time you had a poke for months/years.

    • 19
      Nothing To Get Hung About says:

      The trouble with burqas is that, when they lift you up by the crane, the knot isn’t placed correctly because of all the clothing in the way, and instead of just twitching for a few seconds till you pass out, you end up doing the Tyburn jig. Of course, some in Iran don’t really give a monkey’s about “humane” treatment of women anyway.

  2. 2
    Sir William Waad says:

    Let’s hear what Tom Watson MP has to say about the Guidogram:

  3. 3
    Fuck off, B1lly says:

    Kebab Time will kill himself for missing out on first place in the comments.

  4. 10 says:

    “The Liberal Democrats have been some of the strongest supporters of Harriet Harman’s Equality Act 2010, voting for it in the last Parliament. Now they are breaking that very law. That, in essence, is what the party’s lawyers have concluded.

    The problem is the Lib Dem constitution, which dictates that a third of all seats on various party committees must be reserved for women, and a third for men.”

    I wonder who or what the other third are reserved for?

  5. 14
    Nick Clegg says:

    I know I signed a pledge at the election which I later broke. And for that I’m sorry. But today, I pledge to you that I won’t break any more pledges in future. I pledge that if you vote Lib Dem at the next election, I will give everyone in the country £50.

  6. 17
    Dianne Hippocrit Abbot says:

    West Indian mothers would go to the wall for the latest Guidogram.

Seen Elsewhere

Ex-Sun Hack Cleared After 582 Days on Bail | MediaGuido
11 Times Boris Denied He Would Stand for Parliament | Buzzfeed
Attacking UKIP’s Posters is Counter-Productive | Guardian
Sarkozy Tried it on With Hollande’s Ex | Times
Another Spare Room Subsidy Cut Success | Harry Phibbs
Rich Now Have Less Leisure Than Poor | Economist
UKIP’s Immigration Policy Promotes Migrant Entrepreneurs | Breitbart
Another Feminist Lecture | Laura Perrins
UKIP Posters Bad Economics But Good Politics | James Delingpole
Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome
UKIPers Will Come Home in 2015 | Sun

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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