September 19th, 2012

Labour Wonks Awarded £50,000 Coalition Contract

In rare moment of unsoundness Mad Frankie Maude has announced that Labour wonk-shop IPPR is to be given a “groundbreaking” policy formation role at the heart of the Coalition government. Guido supposes Frankie could hardly have chosen IPPR’s reality-based rivals Policy Exchange given he founded them with Minister Nick Boles and that Michael Gove is a former chairman. Instead the EU and union-funded IPPR will be given £50,000 of taxpayers’ money to research civil service reforms around the world.

UPDATE: PX get in touch to point out that they do not take public money and therefore would not have entered this government commissioning project.


110 Comments

  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Oh great!

    Still the coalition dont care as it is not THEIR money!

  2. 2
    Some Twat up North says:

    Its only £50,000.00 whats the problem? Look on the brightside its £50,000.00 that can’t be claimed on expenses…

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    Made it – call me the 1000 man

  4. 4

    We’ll look after you in opposition if you look after us when we are?

  5. 5
    Some Twat up North says:

    Who said that???

  6. 6
    Edinburgh socialist dogshite says:

    Pathetic! All in it together.

  7. 7
    Kokotoni Wilf says:

    No need for this, just sack the weakest of civil servants 10% every year.

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    Well done 81lly – hears to another 1000

  9. 9
    Abu Qatada says:

    What is a “wonk shop”?

    Is there any connection to masturbation ?

  10. 10
    Penfold says:

    Well, well, well…. he hasn’t taken any lessons from Yeo, has he.

    With any luck the IPPR will furck it up a treat…………

  11. 11
    Some Twat up North says:

    Yeah sounds great! We can award the contract for assessing their weaknesses to Atos.

    They’ve done a great job reducing the weak from society, getting rid of 32 per week at the moment (Permanently)

  12. 12
    Lord Scalded Bollock says:

    You dirty so and so.

    Why do you keep a count of all your male conquests ?

  13. 13
    IPPR 'Consultant' says:

    Great, I always love winter in the Bahamas

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    A bin man went with his son on a camping trip to celebrate his son completing his PhD.

    They set up their tent and fell asleep.

    Some hours later, the father wakes his son and asks: “Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?”

    Son: “I see hundreds of stars.”

    Father: “And what does that tell you?”

    Son: “Given what I can see, I can extrapolate that there must be millions of galaxies, planets and stars in the universe.”

    Father sighs and says: “You idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.”

  15. 15
    Some Twat up North says:

    Only in your case.

  16. 16
    Brown out and pay me damages says:

    Yet vulnerable people are forced to suffer.

  17. 17
    Edinburgh Socialist dogshite says:

    Retards!

  18. 18
    i hate ever single fucking one of these bastards says:

    such largesse.
    Wonder if the fuckers ever have a twinge of conscience when they sign these wasteful contracts.

  19. 19
    Gonk says:

    Stockholm syndrome, the new Tory Party version.

  20. 20
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Conscience? Politicians?

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    The liblabcons are all in it together.

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Never mind the policy wonks.

    Look at the wives if you want to know about the liblabcons looking after each other.

  23. 23
    Some Twat up North says:

    We have examined these vulnerable people as you put it and we find them fit for work.

    We claim our £100,000,000.00

  24. 24
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    “The electorate outside looked from Left to Right, and from Blue to Red, and from Red to Blue again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

  25. 25
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    Apart from all the civil servants claiming expenses to go on fact finding missions for IPPR surveys all around the world.

  26. 26
    Percy says:

    Put on the telly to watch PMQs only to find out that the fuckers after only two fucking weeks of work have fucked off for another three fucking weeks of fucking at their fucking annual fucking party jolly.

    Fucking Twats.

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    anyone else notice today the the Policy Exchange is ALWAYS referred to as “right-leaning” on the BBC, yet no mention of IPPR’s “left leaning”-

    one for the new boss to be looking at, perhaps?

  28. 28
    Some Twat up North says:

    And your point is?

  29. 29
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    Another £50k of taxpayers money for the IPPR to say that the Tories have got it all wrong again.

  30. 30
    Vicky Price says:

    If we had had warnings like this in the UK …….

  31. 31
    BBC spokesman says:

    There is no such thing as left-leaning.

  32. 32
    ed martin says:

    there used to be a type of ground-breaking performed by guests of HM at Dartmoor prison

    is this what the gov’t has in mind?

  33. 33
    A Meat Slicer says:

    Porkers, the lot of them. Rasher time.

  34. 34
    anon says:

    A contract to investigate Civil Service reform would suggest ” A night of the long knives” – considering strongarm tactics to cull the waste that abounds in all departments.
    Seeing as the CS is predominantly full of Socialists, maybe a Labour wonk group could be the iron fist in a velvet glove approach. – Them versus them as against a political confrontation between the parties?

  35. 35
    Public Works says:

    I think they should set the prison population to work on building a causeway from Scotland to Ulster

  36. 36
    JH says:

    Hopefully this arbitrary, pointless, tedious and highly irritating ‘achievement’ marks the transition into a new golden age for you of engagement with the real world.

    Be sure to update your CV with this milestone.

  37. 37
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Politicians not being in Parliament has to be one of the best things for this country. At least when these f*ckers are strutting around in Brighton or wherever it is, they’re only causing a few local traffic jams, rather than guffing about in the HoC, doing their utmost to b*gger Britain and the British people.

    I think Party Conferences should be like the DFS Sale; starting on Jan 1st and continuing until the 31st December.

  38. 38
  39. 39
    Selohesra says:

    Schrödinger’s cat did

  40. 40

    Two Wonks don’t might anything right.

  41. 41
  42. 42
    Leveson Witless says:

    My favorite portrait

  43. 43
    Nothing Between Them says:

    That’s no bad thing.

    Encouraging MP’s to work harder, is rather like encouraging thieves to steal even more. Best leave them alone and skiving around, than damaging the country from westminster.

  44. 44

    Who the fcuk wants to know about civil service reforms around the world anyway? How bloody boring is that then?

    Why didn’t they just give them a cheque for £50,000 and tell them to fcuk off to Novaya Zemlya?

    (I bet the bastards wuld not know where that is.)

  45. 45
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Digbdy Jones, on today’s Daily Politics, showed little thought for current events, when he mimed the pin pulling and throwing of an hand grenade.

  46. 46
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Anyone notice Ashley Cole spit when Rio Ferdinand walked past? How did Terry and Cole get away with blatant lying? What will the pathetic FA do?

  47. 47
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Leveson should surely the character of said witness.

  48. 48
    I don't need no doctor says:
  49. 49
    Nothing Between Them says:

    Maude conservative facade is just a thin veneer.

    He is the guy who signed the Maastricht Agreement, has given civil servant training contracts to Common Purpose, the marxist ‘charity’ and now slipping taxpayer dosh to the far left IPPR to advise Dave’s fabian coalition.

  50. 50
    I don't need no doctor says:

    question

  51. 51
    Finn McCool says:

    I was wondering, why they didn’t just leave the old one alone?

  52. 52
    Some Twat up North says:

    Well, the footings are in.

  53. 53
    Ed Moribund says:

    I love a good wonk.

  54. 54
  55. 55
    Dave the Spendthrift says:

    Keep things in proportion. The deficit for today is circa £400 million (same as yesterday, same as tomorrow). £50,000 is only just over 0.01% of my daily overspend.

  56. 56
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    What next? Giving the Mafia £50k for researching ways to reform the criminal justice system?

  57. 57
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    THEY’RE ALL LYING TWO FACED LAZY PARASITIC BASTARDS!

  58. 58
    Index Finger says:

    Good point!

  59. 59
    Gordon Brown says:

    I turned to politics only after being told I was too good to play professional football

  60. 60
    @ontablets says:

    Only 959 days to go until the next General Election.

  61. 61
  62. 62
    Alf says:

    Cheeky ;)

  63. 63
  64. 64
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    A week is a long time in politics.

  65. 65
    Mornington Crescent says:

    A “rare moment of unsoundness”? Bollocks, Fawkes.

    This is the same Maude who has just hired the ex-MD of my County Council – Katherine Kerswell – on £142k a year to, er, reduce Whitehall spending.

    Kerswell left the Council after only 18 miserable months in the job with a whopping £420k bung. Total cost of her sojourn here: £700k.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9542007/Council-chief-who-took-420000-pay-out-gets-new-six-figure-government-job.html

  66. 66

    If you take the Autobahn south from Villach and turn off at the last exit before entering Italy, you are greeted with this popular establishment:

    http://bit.ly/QmyRUa

  67. 67
    Alf says:

    Strangely I ended up in a discussion about eugenics today and a point came up we can’t seem to get an answer to.

    Q. If a male mong has sex with a female mong and she gets pregnant will she have a baby mong?

    I always thought mongs had zero fertility.

  68. 68
    Hygogical or what says:

    Good job for you there ain’t no thumbs ‘cos we’d probably break them showing you what we really think of your floccinaucinihilipilificastic achievement.

  69. 69
    Some Twat up North says:

    It can’t be because she was good in bed, cos, this lot are all gayers.

  70. 70
    Mornington Crescent says:

    They certainly fucking don’t in Whitehall – breeding like rabbits as never before.

  71. 71
    Some Twat up North says:

    What about if a mong had sex with David Laws?

  72. 72
    Nostalgist says:

    The Austrian lake district is a wonderful part of the world. But it’s many years since was there, on a continental driving hol with my parents when I was still at school. i wonder whether it’s changed. Must have, no ‘autobahn’ in the 1960s…

  73. 73
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Looking at that munter for more than a few secs is enough to turn anyone gay.

  74. 74
    Some Twat up North says:

    23,016 beautiful hours whoopee

  75. 75
    WVM says:

    It’s not true mongs have zero fertility.

  76. 76
    Ed Moribund says:

    Gordon is advising us on wee-distribution

  77. 77
    Some Twat up North says:

    She must have spent some time with Huhnes trout then.

  78. 78
    Some Twat up North says:

    +1000

  79. 79
    Some Twat up North says:

    Carpet in the bathroom is a bad idea

  80. 80
    MSM conspiracy of silence says:

    What I want to know is why is it only the Grauniad of all places where there is a report of the new EU policy document on radical reform:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/sep/18/eu-foreign-defence-policy-overhaul

  81. 81
    Joe says:

    It’s never gonna happen, apparently David Laws finds sex with female mongs disgusting.

  82. 82
    Norman Stanley Fletcher says:

    Thanks to devolution, Wastemonster has little power over Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, it’s mainly England alone that’s fucked by Wastemonster’s laws. Still, the ruling classes want us in England to believe that the entire kingdom is affected by the British parliament.

  83. 83
    Ed Moribund says:

    I’m going to be leader of the nation.
    I cannot believe it! You can’t either! Nor mum, nor David, nor Tony!
    Cameron and Clegg can’t believe it.
    Serwotka and Barber can’t believe it. Polly Toynbee says she can believe it, but I know even she can’t believe it.

    I..Me..Ed Moribund..is actually going to PM.
    Its just like that time Claudius became emperor when he was found dribbling and hiding behind a curtain.

    I wonder what became of him ?

  84. 84
    Gordon the Medicated says:

    Pre-distribution is that little farty sound you make as you declare bomb bay doors open.

  85. 85
    English Liberation Front says:

    Left-leaning is the new centre right. Far left is now moderate centre – at least that is what they claim to be.

    Anyone right of left-leaning or moderate centre is now a “far right extremist who inspired Breivik”.

    The left have won. And in a generation or two I expect anyone holding right-wing views to be criminalised.

  86. 86
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    It is a given that anyone associated with Dave is not a Conservative.

    This is more evidence that the Conservative Party is dead.

  87. 87
    Some Twat up North says:

    Oh well, yet again it seems you can take the boy out of Clapham …

  88. 88
    catalanphil says:

    Great! At last that Middleton woman can get off her backside and do a proper day’s work!

  89. 89
    Eurolalaland says:

    We all knew they’d use the Euro crisis to force nation states together, there isn’t a democratic mandate for any of this in any European nation atm.

  90. 90

    Villach, Klagenfurt and Spittal have all developed some sprawl but otherwise it is just as I first remembered it some forty years ago.

  91. 91
    Nostalgist says:

    We used to stay at Millstat, then go on down over the Grossglockner to Italy. Absolutely wonderful. European countries can be great, when they aren’t bogged down in unaccountable supra-national bureaucracies.

  92. 92
    Aunty Matter says:

    Just give me 10K for this piece of excellent advice.

    Take the entire public service and fire 90% of them. You won’t notice anything.

  93. 93

    Just in case the STD clinic suggest he informs them?

  94. 94
  95. 95

    Too late – you are out of the box and you ARE both dead and alive.

    That must be a quantum of solace.

  96. 96

    Don’t forget to add “Vote UKIP” in case we miss the point of the self evident propaganda, Sandra.

    Or even “pay your fines/ taxes on your Jersey educational trust (If that’s what it is) etc….

  97. 97

    Or Crapita – they’re just peachy at delivering on time, on budget.

  98. 98

    You HAVE read the Hare test for psychopaths, haven’t you?

    It’s the same for politicians, as the two terms are largely interchangeable.

  99. 99

    I’ll give you a prescription for sagaciter finger crepito. Rub it in three times a day and you’ll soon be up with Kebob.

    NEXT!

  100. 100
    The Golem says:

    Most politicians have lost or abandoned the habit of concealing their contempt for the electorate. They believe they are invulnerable.

  101. 101
    The Golem says:

    Not a cheering thought. The march to serfdom if any branch of liblabcon has its way.

  102. 102
    Red Ed says:

    North Korea is a great model for us to follow, you can’t increase spending too far or too fast.

  103. 103

    You had me at ‘wonk-shop’.

  104. 104
    optional says:

    More like ‘infected’, Norm.

  105. 105
    optional says:

    Reading this blog one gets the impression that there are no more than three so-called think tanks in the entire country. WTF can’t somebody else have a go occasionally?

  106. 106
    optional says:

    It is still perfectly possible to motor happily around Europe without getting anywhere near a motorway/autobahn/autostrada etc.

  107. 107
    optional says:

    Did you hear about the lass who sat on the meat slicer?

    Disaster!

  108. 108
    optional says:

    Now that is a good idea. At least we would get rid permanently of much of the shit that pervades our town centres and sink estates.

  109. 109
    Soapsuds says:

    Some enterprising fellow with IT skills managed to provide us with a reducing clock which measured the time to the end of the Olympics.

    Maybe he could be persuaded to institute one showing how much longer we have before we get rid of Cameron and his useless hangers-on?

  110. 110
    Soapsuds says:

    .. a point made forcibly to Rumipumpi a few days ago. When does the revolution start?


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