September 17th, 2012

Reminder: Guido’s Conference T-Shirts Selling Fast

Guido’s unofficial Tory party conference t-shirts have been flying off the proverbial shelves over the weekend.

The T-shirts are just £10 (plus £3 postage and packaging) and you can get yours by simply clicking on the size you want below:


Order now and make sure you don’t miss out…


  1. 1
    Romford Pele says:

    Go on then Guv!


  2. 2

    It was so confusing having two Dave’s on the ballot paper.

    Should be much easier next time. I don’t imagine there will be more than one Boris on the ticket.


    • 89 says:

      But there may be more than one clown and more than one toff that nobody north of Watford will want to vote for.


      • 121
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        I am even more confused than in my post above. A view from UKIP that I can only endorse without reservation. Have I fallen into one of Cat’s parallel universes?


  3. 3
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The t-shirts are only £3 with free shipping on Amazon. What a fucking con!


  4. 4
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    David Davies – yesterday’s man.


  5. 5
    Incapable Vince says:

    I am the sage of Twickenham – my thyme is up.


  6. 6
    Diane Abbott says:

    “We don’t go to the Walls for our meat ”
    Hackney Market ….rat & pee


    • 9
      Thick as a Planck says:

      If this has been known for some time, why hasn’t the Local MP done something ABBOTT it?


    • 10
      Spears Morgan says:

      Anything with four limbs appears to qualify as ‘bushmeat’ in central/west Africa but our health inspectors seem to think that anything unidentifiable must be rat-meat.


    • 21
      Thick as a Planck says:

      Mice and pee sounds familiar.


    • 28
      Diane Abbotonette says:

      Let them eat rat.


    • 42
      AC1 says:

      Another wonderful victory for regulatory prohibition driving a trade underground and thus making it even more unsafe.


    • 81
      Intrepid Explorer says:

      Just had a Google Map trip down Ridley Road. Are you sure this is in England? What a diabolical shit hole.


      • 83
        Modern Politician Trash says:

        I think you probably meant to say ‘colourful, vibrant and diverse’. Any other progressive words spring to mind? None of your whitey rightey stuff please.


        • 90
          I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

          “A rich multicultural space where all communities can enjoin to celebrate their unique and valued identities.”

          And where you seriously wouldn’t want to run out of petrol on a Saturday night.


        • 143
          Lord Kinnochio Multipensions plc says:

          Rich– multiple benefit claimants
          Diverse– several cons going
          Multi-cultural– whole lot of bangin` goin` on
          Colourful– every creed imaginable

          not like Wales


      • 88
        I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

        Hmm. A lot of the ‘shops’ were closed. It was either Friday prayers, or signing-on day at the Jobcentre.


        • 124
          Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

          No. I believe the local synagogue has established a new settlement at the end of the road.


    • 87
      Smithfield Market says:

      You can’t beat OUR meat, Diane.


  7. 7
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    Shouldn’t they read
    “Don’t blame me. I voted for D.D. and if he’d become leader, Brown would have called the election in 2007 and won an extra 2 years in power, with Cameron then becoming leader and then prime minister in 2012 anyway”

    Or something like that?


    • 15
      I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

      Maybe, but I suspect if Cameron had lost the leadership election in 2005, he’d have had a hissy fit and quit Parliament by the time Brown called a General Election in 2007.


      • 25
        Archer Karcher says:

        Cameron would not have quit parliament, he would have crossed the floor and joined his hero Bliar’s Nu-Labour looters.


      • 27
        CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

        Since when to young, ambitious career politicians like Cameron, quit politics becuase they lose a leadership bid. They just wait for the next opportunity whilst garnering more support.


    • 38
      jgm2 says:

      Bottler Brown bottled the election on the strength of a single well-received conference speech by Cameron. Ahahahahaha. I know it. You know it. He knows it. Everybody knows it.

      Thank God. Otherwise we would only just have got shot of the Maximum Imbecile and public sector employment would now be up to 7 million with 300bn quid annual deficits. But there’d be ‘growth’. Oh aye. Lots of ‘growth’. Weimar style ‘growth’.

      That said. Who is to say that David Davis would not have given a similar conference speech and caused the Imbecile to bottle his election?


      • 48
        CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

        Because he’d have been getting crucified by the BBC, for 2 years, as a, Silver-haired, swivel eyed right-winger (a narrative they were starting when he looked like being favourite to win) I’m not saying he’d have lost by much. We know the polls, as usual, were massively exagerating Labour’s lead (that is why private polling led Brown to bottle it), due to reflecting media narrative and Ming Campbell wasn’t exactly a vote winner for LDs, which would have allowed the Conservatives to take back many seats off the Lib Dems in England.


        • 60
          AC1 says:

          DD might have been more amenable to a UKIP pact and thus the conservatives would have had a clear majority.


          • CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

            How delusional are you??????
            DD wouldn’t have done, because if being a silver-haired right-winger is fvcking you with the floating vote (that’t right, the REAL floating vote, not some imagined UKRAP voter) you don’t climb into bed with Farage’s ilk. But i’m sure Ming and McRuin would have been most grateful for the extra votes that would have given them.


          • CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

            How delusional are you??????
            DD wouldn’t have done, because if being a silver-haired right-winger is fvcking you with the floating vote (that’s right, the REAL floating vote, not some imagined UKRAP voter) you don’t climb into bed with Farage’s ilk. But i’m sure Ming and McRuin would have been most grateful for the extra votes that would have given them.


          • Anonymous says:

            AC1 is in the early to mid stages of dementia, please forgiven him for he knows not what he does.


          • AC1 says:

            Hello Tat,
            Are you projecting again? I do hope you are getting better.


          • AC1 says:

            There were 21 constituencies where the UKIP vote was greater than the Tories’ losing margin.


          • Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

            Whatever you think of his policies DD is a man of principles and I cannot see them allowing him to work in any way with a bunch of one trick racist crooks like UKIP.


        • 113
          That's the Trouble says:

          Camertwat speechyfying – all those who would vote for a blue monkey believe the fucker!


  8. 11
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    I’d rather pay £13 to use the loo!


  9. 13
    Forkbender says:

    Just heard on the news, Guido’s big chief Dirty Des is going to dissociate himself from the Irish Star


  10. 17
    Sir William Waad says:

    Could we see Guido modelling one of T-shirts please?


  11. 20
    I use the koran as a beer mat says:

    A muslim man is on a farm when he walks past a pigsty where a pig is resting.

    “Ugh! What a foul, disgusting, smelly creature!”

    said the pig.


  12. 32

    It is not the noun shelves that are supposed to be idiomatic but the verb flying.

    The adjective proverbial should surely be an adverb proverbially and apply to the verb.

    Back to Baccalaureate…


  13. 35
    Icarus says:

    Why are they flying off proverbial shelves? Dont you have any real ones?


    • 40
      Forkbender says:

      Like all retailers Guido does not actually hold or own the stock.he takes the orders and makes his turn


    • 41
      Can't get the staff these days says:

      And the T-shirts are made of money, which sounds like a good deal as we don’t have to pay, we just have to click our mice in the right space.


  14. 44
    Tom Watson ate my horse says:


    Dil Do.


    • 107
      Tom Watson, - he of the Fat Fuckers Club, in a riposte to Hatefilled HaPerson says:

      We enjoy ourselves – don’t we John?


  15. 46
  16. 49
    Jimmy says:

    Also available in Ken Clarke and Liam Fox


    • 51
      Adam Werrity says:

      I don’t fancy yours.


    • 53
      a lezza in a man's body says:

      I’m awaiting the availability of those two bad boys, the Eagle brothers.


    • 54
      Ed Moribund. says:

      There’s a copyright infringement here.

      We had ‘Don’t blame me ..I voted for the other Miliband.’ At last years conference.


    • 112
      AC1 says:

      “I, on the other hand, have been striving for twenty years with a minimum of intervention and without destroying our production, to arrive at a new Socialist order in Germany which not only eliminates unemployment but also permits the worker to receive an ever greater share of the fruits of his labor.

      The success of this policy of economic and social reconstruction of our people, which by systematically eliminating differences of rank and class, has a true peoples’ community as the final aim of the world.”
      — Vladimir Lenin

      Living in the grinding poverty of the slums, Vladimir soon realized that a wholesome InterNational pride could not be aroused in men who lacked the necessities of life. Hence his interest in social betterment, which ultimately brought the word ‘Socialist’ into the name of his party. Like William Morris, he turned to Socialism as a necessary preliminary to the dissemination of his great idea. Morris became a Socialist, bent on improving the living conditions of the English masses, in order to make them listen to his artistic gospel. Lenin became a Socialist (in his sense of the word) so that the masses would listen to his gospel of InterNationalism.
      — Nicolas Fairweather, The Atlantic, March 1932

      “We have backed the wrong horse in Spain. We would have done better to back the Republicans. They represent the people. We could always have converted these socialists into good InterNational Socialists later. The people around Franco are all reactionary clerics, aristocrats, and moneybags — they’ve nothing in common with us at all!”
      — Vladimir Lenin, April 1938


  17. 50
  18. 74
    Princess PolyTwaddle, - having fallen on hard times says:

    Spare us a tanner guv? Fings ain’t what they used ter be, – wot wiv Italy ‘n me income gone darn – nowotoimeen?


    • 82
      Sally says:

      Go and do Silvio a little favour. If it’s dark he might be grateful and give you a fifty euronote.


      • 94
        Lovely Image! says:

        I’ve just puked on my keyboard!


        • 106
          Oh FFS! says:

          Put some metal in your knob!!! Any real man could deal with Pollytwat with his eyes shut, – he’d need to.


      • 134
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        Silvio Strauss-Johnson and Polly Twaddle? Will this help Silvio’s attempt to destroy the Conservative Party?


        • 155
          Sir William Waad says:

          She’s surprisingly limber, when it comes down to ‘movements’. Polly can bend over backwards and tie herself in knots. It goes without saying that she can get both her feet in her mouth at once! She prefers the soft left side of the bed, of course. And then she just loves to repeat everything…..


  19. 92
    nellnewman says:

    Could we please have a T Shirt that says ‘We’d rather have Gove for Leader’


  20. 99
    how many muslims does it take to change a video ? says:

    one to take it back to the shop and 4 million to start a riot over the content.


  21. 100
    welloilbeefhooked says:

    he,ll do that anyway,the bastard.


  22. 102
    Kate should be given a National Honour! says:

    Her lovely mammae have brought cheer and hope to many! Long may she prosper. Long may she reign and bring pleasure to millions!


  23. 111
    F. Etish says:

    I’d like mine in rubber – know wot oi mean?


  24. 120
    albacore says:

    Never mind all this satirical apparel
    Let’s see every M P clad just in a barrel
    Tarred and feathered and ridden from town on a rail
    Or, better still, the whole Parliament slung in jail


    • 132
      welloilbeefhooked says:

      sounds too good fer the feckers.


    • 145
      Bob Marley and the Whalers says:

      Too merciful
      The tar is set alight and then they are tatooed with the word Yeo over every inch of their bodies, strapped to a windmill and having slurry tipped over them


  25. 131
    Realist says:

    We need a BJ. A DD can come part of the package but first things first.


  26. 140
    Bob Marley and the Whalers says:

    In your case it should be xxxxxxxxxxxl


  27. 144
    Blowing Whistles says:

    There will be a world wide moratorium on the gravest miscarriage of justice of modern times – and the politicals are not invited.


  28. 148
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Circus season is about to open [Political Circus season]

    One key word of many mantra words to watch out for and when “you know they’re following a script” and they’re not on our side [the public's side] is

    “ASPIRATIONS” …. oH fecking please any f-wit MP (or journo / prospective MP / business guru – CEO type) who utters that fecking word “Ought to be immediately psychiatrically examined”.


  29. 150
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron out!


  30. 152
    Anonymous says:

    The sooner Cameron and Osborne go the better.


  31. 154
    Aunty Matter says:

    Well I’ve seen it all now. During the Battle of Britain RAF pilots died defending their homeland from German scum trying to bomb our nation to bits.

    Sailors died in the North Atlantic bringing food and supplies to a struggling starving nation.

    But NOW, fucking NOW soldiers are dying in Afghanistan so fucking Muslim bints can play fucking Cricket, FUCKING CRICKET.

    It is true that in Parliament there is no one with a single fucking braincell.


    • 159
      Cyto says:

      No that is not true. A single cell is harmless, it just respires. It’s when they get together that trouble occurs.


      • 163
        Aunty Matter says:

        Rowenna Davis (fit but dim Labour bint) just said that we can’t leave Afghanistan as we owe it to the dead soldiers to stay.

        1. Those that are dead we can’t help but we can keep soldiers alive by getting the fuck out and that’s all I’m bothered about.

        2. If miss fit but dim thinks we should stay so Afghan bitches get to play Cricket perhaps Ms Davis would like to go down to the army careers office and sign up for the army? Oh hang on, she’s a woman so there’s no chance of her being in a position to be shot at or blown up.


        • 186
          The Samovar says:

          Roughly 2% of the British casualties in Afghanistan have been women. Which does not suggest that women are really pulling their weight equally in the war for equality, does it?


      • 198
        racquel reeves says:

        how do you explain jimmy then?


  32. 158
    And it came to pass says:

    I reckon that bottler Brown was better than any bandwagon Dave.

    And I’m a lifelong Tory voter.


    • 164
      Aunty Matter says:

      Labour were better at the spin, the Tories are so useless, every fucking night the BBC are attacking every single policy, it’s unrelenting.

      Gove wants to toughen up the exam system, anyone with a brain can see it’s been totally devalued, yet still the fucking BBC attack attack attack.

      If the Tories lose the next election and are out of power for another generation, they have to make it their first job if they ever get back into power to destroy the BBC, every last fucking brick and lefty twat to be gotten rid of.


      • 165
        The Right Stuff says:

        You are stating the Bleeding obvious. So why is Dave pandering to every loony lefty think tank on the planet? He only gets one bite at the bullet to do the right thing. If he did he may just turn it all around and get a second term but as it is he is just sinking into the middle ground.

        Mrs T and Mr Blair did not mess about with pandering to minority twattery, they got on with doing the right thing.


      • 195
        The Golem says:

        Dave approves of the BBC in all its doings.


    • 174
      not a machine reloaded says:

      I dont go that far , still think he has made some impact on politics , and done some good things in the circumstances and events . I just have worked out that he was a dovetail to post Blair , I suppose most governments are dovetails of previous ones . We are in the dis ease of Blairism , very painful it is too , as we were clearly wronged as nation by his economics . He might work it out , but all the fun will go out of it when the dear unions ruin this years efforts at recovery , havent they heard of Nero …


    • 177
      Gordon the Medicated says:

      I reckon that bottler Brown was better than .. Dave.

      Thanks. I was waiting for someone to say that.


      • 180
        not a machine reloaded says:

        Thats the trouble with wanting to heir to Blair , you have to decide what to do with the Brown bit of it :)


  33. 166
    • 170
      81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

      you are a shameless fuckwit whoring you pathetic blog on this blog


      • 188
        Time for Kebab Time to go says:

        81lly the spelling of “your” as “you” rather points to you typing this criticism of yourself. You are right for once in your life.


  34. 169
    Blowing Whistles says:

    If News Int and the Murdoch scum are so ‘on the side of the public’ – how come they’re not banging a drum for the realease of Maurice Kirk – from Cardiff Prison or has it got something to do with their decade upon decade of bribing any and every police farce in the UK?


    • 185

      We do not agree on much but I also find the Maurice Kirk case deeply disturbing and suspect that something has gone badly wrong if they cannot let an imprisoned man have glasses to read his own defence papers.


      • 187
        The Samovar says:

        I can’t say it is a case I was aware of till I read your comment and looked him up. Very interesting. It should be more widely known about.


  35. 171
    not a machine reloaded says:

    Nice little moment for Paxman in education bit “but what we have had before hasnt really been working” Gove Antagonist in chair “we acknowledge that”

    Kinda clears it all up then , education , education, education was little more that st Tone on the disco light mix desk then ,with a new drum and base mantra ,boom bomm checku checku grade inflation …. I perhaps am rather desmayed that the roll call of Gove antagonists so far have all this glib beaurocratic role , saying hes wrong whilst not admitting they said nowt whilst wonk was enlarging is the worst form of franchise . Understanding is different to mere recall , but then understanding requires things that we dont exam in a paper for .

    Stephanie Flanders has had a bit of stick , for glossy EU hyperbole however her new venture into the masters of money , had some nice touches , westwing meets ecnomics and rather like a interesting scent , once whiffed was difficult not watch , it manged to pose some questions around that great ecnomic moment around the depression . Next week its on Hyak . Perhaps for some it wasnt the right sort of enquiry , but at least it examined an era when banks and finance behaved rather differently and the approaches to money , before the weird instruments of finance were birthed . I was thinking that the economics was easier to explain in that era as accounts were not really about risk , more about venture .
    The hoover dam had a use , it made electricity without burning coal or oil , it contributed to the economy over a long time with fairly fixed costs , Keynes ace was perhaps that insight . Hyak perhaps pondered how the delivery of wealth is plundered by beurocracy , although he is used in wealth creation arguments which appeal to me , in that I have always liked the function of capitalism to work on a small scale as it seems to make sense to me that the exchange of money for goods and services at the small level , is much less prone to the vanity of big business . Was there a hint of socialist ecnomics … I didnt notice one , perhaps a slight embrace with socialist finance , but then as Staphanine fairly pointed out it rather depends on the size of debts.
    As I see it Keynes was correct where there is elasticity in the economy , Hyak correct when there isnt , but then we really should be getting Ed Balls to inspect the barrel of loaded cannon on a special question , “does debt increase of decrease ecnomic elasticity ??” boom splat …. so long predistribution …..

    I listend to Ed Balls full Union tet a tet , all the way through it was like he was adressing the capulets at a wedding do , the malevolence , the hints of settling the score with those montagu wrong uns . I was more impressed by the unions ability to suck on his tripe so competantly , I mean if your a union subscriber werent you sat at home , thinking as they could hardly muster a smigen of rage for running up all the debt and basically getting the ecnonomy into so much of a mess , erm hold on a moment arnt we kind in the crap because of what labour did …. mmmm….. still never let a good question get in the way of a meaningless political argument that hides who fault it was eh.

    So are there socialists who dont think debts are good idea (tumble weed blows across platform) … mm suppose that would require them to think or perhaps even answer a question without inserting , class .

    What I perhaps an quietly enjoying in the ecnomic dust up , is precarious the master of wonks lives have become , I mean the bon amiee of ecnomic spin had to end at some point , but its the fact that socialist ones are still around I like .Yes the ones who deployed the purile progressive wonk still get to be on telly , perhaps with this gosh gee , well I ddint know that , kind of expression , as though rummaging for intellectual innocence and it was some office of wonk that had been briefing them .

    The ecnomic tale is perhaps not quite concluded , In America Keynes has run , The EU has had a sort of Keynes confined to Germany and Benelux , except they spent like you would want to in downturn , but in good times , resulting in no stability when the downturn happened , nor any fed type structure to manage it . but there we are again , just why are financial crisis different to economy ones …. perhaps its because you cant clear them up quick enough when they overwhelm the size of your clear up shovell .
    The socialising of debt will prove to have been a wasters charter , but ive always felt that about socislist ecnomics , once you understand it as it completely misunderstands the simpler aspects of taxation , agreeing to make a contribution is different to a protection racket , no matter what scale .


    • 173
      To the point says:

      Think you will find that if your point is worth making then it does not require a bloated rant. Piss off.


    • 189
      In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is King says:

      It also rather proves Gove’s point given the number of spelling errors in the “rant” that educational standards have beeen allowed to fall to a deplorable level in this country(or he was too “pissed” to use his “spellchecker” ?).

      What Labour cannot answer adequately is that “IF exam results have improved year on year in Britain then why has the UK continued to fall in the league tables when compared to other countries ?” You should write no more than 3,000 words and you have 2 hours to answer. Marks will be deducted for spelling mistakes,bad grammar and punctuation errors….You may now start.


  36. 172
    A Right Royal Gaff says:

    Kate got her tits out on a balcony surrounded by an amphitheater of viewpoints, Full stop.


  37. 196
    I use the koran as a beermat says:

    Why can’t you use pages of the koran as toilet paper?

    Because they’re already full of shit.


  38. 197
    I use the koran as a beermat says:

    Where did muhammad take his wife on their wedding anniversary?

    The swings in the park.


Seen Elsewhere

Cam Cannot Stem EU Immigration | David Keighley
9 Mansion Tax Questions for Ed Balls | TPA
Politicians are Lying to You About Immigration | Alex Wickham
Give Journalists Public Interest Defence in Law | Guardian
Cameron is Going to Have to Deal With UKIP | Dan Hodges
Opinions on Key Issues By Constituency | Red Box
Britain Irrelevant Inside EU | Dan Hannan
Cameron Heading for Fall on Europe | Rachel Sylvester
Lords Speaker Spends £350 on Two Mile Limo Ride | Sun
Shapps Slaps Down Barroso “Propaganda” | City AM
Bookies v Pollsters: What We Learned From IndyRef | Paddy Power

Find out more about PLMR

Chris Bryant talks to the Times Diary about a famous gay actor:

“I don’t think I’ve had sex with him. He says we had sex in Clapham. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had sex south of the river”

Progressive Inclusion Champion says:

Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,534 other followers