September 14th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Kill Strategy Edition)

This week the winner will receive a copy of the new Toryboy the Movie DVD, hitting the shelves in October.

The film that exposed Sir Stuart Bell’s lazy life in Paris is a must-watch for any fans of the Thick of It. The likes of Jesse Norman, Ron Halfon and Lord Ashcroft found it hilarious, so don’t miss out on your chance to win.

Usual rules apply…


168 Comments

  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Dave attempts the Usian Bolt celebration, and fails”

    Like

  2. 2
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    This way for BJ.

    Like

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    Dave : “will someone rid me of this Dorries woman”

    Like

  4. 4
    Old Curmudgeon says:

    “No french magazine photos for you, luv…”

    Like

  5. 5
    Richard Evans says:

    Either you increase exports or the blonde get’s it.

    Like

  6. 6
    Hopeful says:

    “poke”

    “no one pokes anymore Dave, we RT”

    Like

  7. 7
    Kebab Time says:

    Dave is deffo Stayin alive !

    Like

  8. 8
    Martin Day says:

    Dave ” To my right is the 1922 Committee in session”

    Like

  9. 9
    Mirror Signal Maneuvere says:

    Dave : As you can see theres plenty room for another U Turn over there.

    Like

  10. 10
    nasal ed says:

    the question you have to ask yourself is did I fire 5 or 6 MPs. Do you feel lucky?

    Like

  11. 11
    I Squiggle says:

    I’m afraid it gets worse than that PM, as you can see over there, Boris has also been pictured taking his top off..

    Like

  12. 12
    bob says:

    Is that a gun in the back of my head or am I getting the Beecroft treatment?

    Like

  13. 13
    tomdaylight says:

    Paranoid Prime Minister starts to see Boris everywhere.

    Like

  14. 14
    Hopeful says:

    Dave gives up “ninja Fruit” for “Worms” but fails to realise “prod” is not as dangerous in real life.

    Opss-ey, bye bye

    Like

  15. 15
    Loungelizard says:

    Surely one must get a replacement bung with these things?

    Like

  16. 16
    I Squiggle says:

    And over there we have Chris Huhne waiting for his impending court case.. chuckle chuckle..

    Like

  17. 17
    Schweizermag says:

    “…and if I turn it the other way, her left leg moves back again”

    Like

  18. 18
    I Squiggle says:

    Well, all I can see is two aspirins on an ironing board, but take the pics if you want..

    Like

  19. 19
    Steve Miliband says:

    When you said ‘a trip to Amazon’ I thought you meant the fucking river.

    Like

  20. 20
    I Squiggle says:

    So, that’s the way to Amaretto? Hic..

    Like

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Dave hoped the next election was in the bag if he could just get the finger puppet to say what he wanted.

    Like

  22. 22
    Leroy Jenkins says:

    “She was walking down the white tiled corridor, with the feeling of walking in the sunlight, and an armed guard at his back. The long-hoped-for bullet was entering her brain… She gazed up at the enormous ego… Seven years it had taken her to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the thin veneer of pseudo-conservative policies… But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. She had won the victory over herself. She loved Big Dave.”

    Like

  23. 23
    Steve Miliband says:

    The file, ‘Conservative Policies’ is somewhere over there

    Like

  24. 24
    Sly Stallone says:

    Stop, or my thumb will shoot

    Like

  25. 25
    Buster Gasket says:

    C’mon bitch. Make my day!

    Like

  26. 26
    genghiz the kahn says:

    you’re thinking that in the confusion I forgot if I fired five or six times….well do you punk…go ahead make my day.

    Like

  27. 27
    I Squiggle says:

    There is absolutely no truth in the rumour I was spineless in those Kate topless pics..

    Like

  28. 28
    Teapot says:

    The frustrated woman didn’t appreciate the fingers going in further…

    Like

  29. 29
    Selohesra says:

    Dave: Now where can I lose this bogey

    Like

  30. 30
    Bodu says:

    Dave: me? I’d never ‘stab’ you in the back

    Like

  31. 31

    Oh, you asked me to visiit your warehouse…..

    Like

  32. 32
    gramma says:

    Dave checks out future B & Q job vacancies

    Like

  33. 33
    Dave Bruce says:

    I remember daddy letting me at with real guns

    Like

  34. 34
    Rupert my Hero says:

    Tag… your it.

    Like

  35. 35
    nasal ed says:

    now where is the off switch?

    Like

  36. 36
    Tom Watson says:

    Who’d like to see topless photos of me?

    Like

  37. 37
    Gonk says:

    ‘ The champagne and oysters are over there ‘

    Like

  38. 38
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Cameron gives the legend of the ‘Boy with his Finger in the Dyke’ a more modern twist.

    Like

  39. 39
    Sniper says:

    Look Nadine. I think the sniper you hired is over there.

    Like

  40. 40
    Dummitt says:

    My finger is trapped. Didn’t think she was a dyke.

    Like

  41. 41

    Nadine, Nadine, Nadine, Na-deeeen, I’m beggin’ of you please don’t make me shoot!

    Like

  42. 42
    Thom says:

    “And if you place your finger on the switch here you can swivel her eyes more readily in their sockets, not unlike my old action man.”

    Like

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    That’s the bit they’ve had to shut down since we came to power.

    Like

  44. 44

    You know, If I’d had as many dodgy postal votes as this lot, there wouldn’t be a coalition

    Like

  45. 45
    a non says:

    Cameron visits Ikea.
    Wants conserve a tory tips.

    Like

  46. 46
    Christina Odonetouchmetheredaddy says:

    If you put your first shot here, death should be instantaneous

    Like

  47. 47
    Thick as a Planck says:

    Pamela Stephenson fired by Dave

    Like

  48. 48
    Frankie says:

    Application of this pressure point here and you’re mine ahh ha ha ha

    Like

  49. 49

    I think I smell meatballs and mini hot dogs coming from over there, so that MUST be the exit!

    Like

  50. 50
    Thick as a Planck says:

    Are those trousers on the top shelf, likely to fit me better?

    Like

  51. 52
    The voice of unreason says:

    … and if you look over there, you’ll see where we keep Nadine …

    Like

  52. 53
    Thick as a Planck says:

    ” I’ll get Sam to give you the name of her hairdresser”

    Like

  53. 54
    Anonymous says:

    How many people have you sacked recently?

    Like

  54. 55
    Anonymous says:

    That awkward moment when the puppeteer ruins the illusion.

    Like

  55. 56
    Thick as a Planck says:

    ” Boris has less on the back, more on the front “

    Like

  56. 57
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Dave tries to divert her attention just long enough for the photog to attempt an ‘upskirt’ shot…”

    Like

  57. 58
    nellnewman says:

    “I have set my life upon a cast.
    And I will stand the hazard of the die”

    shakespeare – RichardIII

    Like

  58. 59
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “If you were to pose topless up there, it might take the heat of Kate, and I would take a Closer look “

    Like

  59. 60
    Tom Watson ate my horse says:

    “Can I blow your brains out like you did mine?”

    Like

  60. 61
    annette curton says:

    Like

  61. 63
    David says:

    “it must be right”

    Like

  62. 64

    See that odd looking chap in the overalls? The grumpy, smelly looking janitor type?

    I think he used to live in my house.

    Like

  63. 65
    Weybridgeman says:

    And if you look to the Right you’ll see where my career died……..

    Like

  64. 66
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “It may be a Co-op Funeral Parlor, but why are all the Tories still on the top shelf?”

    Like

  65. 67

    …maybe there’s something to sort out this leadership challenge in the self assembly aisle.

    lets see…..Gibbets, Garottes, Grenades, Gatling Guns, Gallows…Ahh! here we are ..Guillotines!

    Like

  66. 68

    Vince Cable has just today changed the employment laws, making it easier to sack someone.

    So you can fuck off.

    Like

  67. 69
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Dave: “Yes, all these packages contain fifty-pound notes that I’m going to give to the EU. And over there points, that’s a warehouse full of fifty-pound notes that I’m going to donate to India’s space programme.”

    Like

  68. 70

    - Do you know order-order has a caption comp featuring us?
    -Really? what’s the prize.
    -Something about being a Tory.
    -I don’t think I’d want to watch anything like that.

    Like

  69. 71
    Loungelizard says:

    Nadine sensed a little prick behind her….

    Like

  70. 72
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Is that finger loaded?

    Like

  71. 73
    Liarpoliticians says:

    David Cameron messes up Winston Churchill’s two finger salute.

    Like

  72. 74
  73. 75
    Anonymous says:

    “…and if I touch this spot here, it makes one of your legs go all funny.”

    Like

  74. 76
    Thick as a Planck says:

    ” over there…that’s the U-Turn Shelf “

    Like

  75. 77
    annette curton says:

    Don’t move, this is an upstick.

    Like

  76. 79
    Peter Grant says:

    Cameron: “If you’re blonde, what are you doing over here? Shouldn’t you be behind me where the sign says ‘BL’? Mind you, my Government is all over the place so who am I to talk?”

    Like

  77. 80
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “See, all the Tories on the top shelf.

    Like

  78. 84
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “My ratings used to be up there”

    Like

  79. 85
    Geordieboy says:

    Bitches rest room is that way Nadine

    Like

  80. 88
    Mr Plum says:

    Dave – You’re termnated

    Like

  81. 89
    Vichy Dave says:

    Some people think I’m a contemptible Hunt – but I’ve got my best interests at heart!

    Like

  82. 90
    Gonk says:

    ‘ I would very much like to take you camping, my pretty ‘

    Like

  83. 91
    Thick as a Planck says:

    And up there is where Guido keeps his Rules. Well out of site.

    Like

  84. 94
    Mr Plum says:

    You have hair just like Boris’s, you’re fired.

    Like

  85. 96
    Gonk says:

    ‘ My nanny used to have hair like yours ‘

    Like

  86. 98
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Let me see, what did they say? Ah yes, red button to deactivate!

    Like

  87. 99
    YorkshireLad says:

    “Fancy a quickie behind the forklift over there?”

    Like

  88. 100
    Anonymous says:

    This is what I’m going to do to Cleggers one of these days.

    Like

  89. 101
    Calvin says:

    “…and that’s the 20×30 foot picture of Kate Middleton that Boris asked the printers to run off”

    Like

  90. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Ron? Halfon

    Like

  91. 103
    W.W. says:

    Over there is Nadine, still on the shelf.

    W.W.

    Like

  92. 104
    Nadine says:

    I said I need this like a hole in the head.

    Like

  93. 105
    gramma says:

    If Bliar can use a colourant maybe I should consider heir loss treatment.

    Like

  94. 106
    gramma says:

    Blondes have more dumb.

    Like

  95. 106
    Thick as a Planck says:

    ” …and that top shelf is full of cartoons about the prophet, Mohammed “

    Like

  96. 108
    Thick as a Planck says:

    ” ..and that’s the Chinese version of Pick ‘n Mix “

    Like

  97. 109
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “Manifesto promises…no! That’s what I call a tall story “

    Like

  98. 110
    Thick as a Planck says:

    They’re the straights.
    They’re the bents
    There’re the U turns

    Like

  99. 111
    EC1 PhD says:

    Dave pulled the Tory Barbie cord once more before packing the by-election parachute.

    Like

  100. 112
    Vladikavkaz says:

    Cleethorpes’ version of Madame Tussauds funding ran out after installing just the one Conservative.

    Like

  101. 113
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “Silly bitch… you’ve got your Boris wig on back-to-front”

    Like

  102. 114
    Voltaire says:

    And that’s where Guido parked 8illy

    Like

  103. 115
    Another Engineer says:

    Where are you going with this, IKEA boy?

    Like

  104. 116
    jgm2 says:

    This is where you’ll be working after 2015 [B&Q]. They have a ‘positive discrimination’ policy about hiring older women.

    Like

  105. 117
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Dave’s attempt at a Vulcan death grip fails.

    Like

  106. 118
    poets day says:

    …doctor – I have this useless flap of skin at the back of my head…

    Like

  107. 119
    Jimmy says:

    Sorry to have to do this but I’m a woman short for cabinet.

    Like

  108. 120
    Barnehurst Bob says:

    Craig Oliver from behind the camera: “No! Not that one! I said ‘shoot the blonde that’s causing you real trouble.’ “

    Like

  109. 121
    Alf Garnett says:

    “Is that a little nit I see, or is it just me?”

    Like

  110. 123
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Dave’s audition as a porn star doesn’t go too well.

    ‘Not there, Dave. It’s between her legs.’

    Like

  111. 124
    wight tory says:

    “Damn, even with a silencer, there’s gonna be a huge echo….”

    Like

  112. 125
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    “Why is that piano hanging up there over the podium?”

    Like

  113. 126
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Dave has difficulty in finding the Tory party’s clitoris.

    Like

  114. 127
    OIE says:

    ..and over there, is where I have shelved Nick “Tea boy” Clegg’s chances of being the leader of those yellow fellows at the next election.

    Like

  115. 128
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    Fembot accepts second best when Boris fails to show

    Like

  116. 130
    Mr Convincing says:

    Oh look…shit for brains…I may be able to use you after all my dear.

    Like

  117. 131
    the savant says:

    I look like a very nice lady — reminiscent of Wendy Craig in her prime .

    In fact …..

    Like

  118. 134
    yoostin says:

    Dave says “Nice rack!”

    Like

  119. 137
    HPDL says:

    After sacking female ministers in the reshuffle, Dave resorts to female finger-puppets

    Like

  120. 138
    Hector says:

    I’ve already told you, get me out of IKEA or the Scandanavian gets it.

    Like

  121. 139
    Observer says:

    Man models trousers that are too long for him.

    Like

  122. 140
    Sid and Doris from east grinstead says:

    how about leaning over that dear….

    Like

  123. 141

    Mad Bad Nads at one of Fads’ Sad Pads when Ram Jam Cam did the Wham Bam Ham.

    Hot Damn!

    Like

  124. 142
    OIE says:

    I push my finger in, I pull my finger out, in, out, in, out, I wiggle it all about….

    Like

  125. 143
    Robertson Barley says:

    “Calm down dear, I’m not please to see you”

    Like

  126. 144
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Dizzy Dave: “And this is where the Government keeps it boxes of spare soldiers, ever ready to be opened for when the UK Government decides to partake in yet another needless war, or for bailing out our political careers when dealing with strikers, unions, G4S and the like . . .”

    Like

  127. 145
    anonemo says:

    That’s the very mirror I used when I bought these trousers.

    Like

  128. 146
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Dizzy Dave: “And on that side of the vault, opposite Tony’s shelves, is where I’ll store all the money I intend making after leaving office.”

    Like

  129. 148
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    Dave aghast at size of Boris’s personal condom store

    Like

  130. 149
    Stalin's spinner says:

    If we’re going to win the election we’ll need a “Kill Dorries Strategy”

    Like

  131. 151
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘Go on, show ‘em your tits sweetheart!’

    Like

  132. 152
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    David found the view inside Tony Blair’s wallet simply breathtaking

    Like

  133. 153
    DDC says:

    “Well, we’ve already passed BL, Nadine. So the BJ section must be over there.”

    Like

  134. 154
    THE PILFERING PARASITES of PARLIAMENT says:

    Ewwww you’ve got Nits

    Like

  135. 155
    THE PILFERING PARASITES of PARLIAMENT says:

    I love the smell of Nadine in the morning !

    Like

  136. 156
    Click Negg says:

    Dave reveaks his inner Margaret Thatcher

    Like

  137. 157
    Click Negg says:

    Dave reveals his inner Margaret Thatcher (oops finga trbl)

    Like

  138. 158
    The wizz says:

    Just look at all this tat! Thats why I shop on line.

    Like

  139. 159
    Pundit Too says:

    This is Dave’s new twisted dance version of the “pas a doble”; an initiation rite for incoming and outgoing MP’s

    Like

  140. 160
    rightist conspiracy says:

    “Darling, Boris may be waving his shlong at you but he is trying to fuck me”

    Like

  141. 161
    curious says:

    ‘Hows this for a joke….I can see a nit—wit?)

    Like

  142. 162
    filipinomonkey says:

    Push here for tea…

    Like

  143. 163
    Mad frankies older sister says:

    Dave “The door’s over there love”

    Like

  144. 164
    Anonymous says:

    Once we have closed down all the Design and Manufacturing we can start to build more nice clean warehouses like this.

    Like

  145. 165
    Andy says:

    That’s where all the debt the BOE are buying up with QE will be kept.

    Andy Edinburgh

    Like

  146. 166
    TomCatesby says:

    ‘Like I said, this is where, you, Boris, Cleggie and the rest are going to get it!’

    Like

  147. 167
    Georgeous George says:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2203908/Sexist-cabinet-reshuffle-forces-women-power-list-Theresa-May-highest-sixth.html

    sEXIST CABINET RESHUFFLE. Oops Caps lock on! Window dressing forced down to 6.

    Like

  148. 168
    Martin Wibble says:

    Nadine: Nice book depository David.
    David: Yes, and over there we have a grassy knoll

    Like


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Chris Bryant talks to the Times Diary about a famous gay actor:

“I don’t think I’ve had sex with him. He says we had sex in Clapham. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had sex south of the river”



Progressive Inclusion Champion says:

Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.


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