September 10th, 2012

Ashcroft Pulls Out of Rebel Tory Party Conference

Now you see him, now you don’t. Lord Ashcroft’s face has been pulled from the rebel Tory conference line-up for Saturday week. Last month Guido noted with interest that the Conservatives’ one time biggest donor would be the keynote speaker at what will essentially be a Dave-bashing event. Looks like he’s falling in line thanks to his new job…


  1. 1
    Gordoom says:

    I was once the Tory party’s biggest donor.

  2. 2
    Asda says:

    Welcome: Please scan your first item

  3. 3
    Spartacus says:

    Now taxed out of the party conference

  4. 4
    'Andy' Marr says:

    I recommend pulling out early.

  5. 5
    Service at B&Q says:

    Welcome: Please scan your first item

  6. 6
    The BBC says:


  7. 7
    Kebab Time says:

    i was not askered to speak

  8. 8
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Unexpected donor in the bagging area

  9. 9
    Ed Moribund says:

    Today’s buzzword is re-pre-community.

    See if you can use it in conversation.

  10. 10
    Gordon Brown says:

    I subcontracted my Mr Fuckwitt Potato Head role to Ed Balls

  11. 11
    Great British Public says:

    You and Balls are both preternaturally rebarbative.

    Stick that on your podium.

  12. 12
    Ed Millmuppet says:

    that’s tewibble thpelling you know

  13. 13
    guido's twitter feed correction says:

    Bloody BBC over-staffing. Handy Andy has had loads of producers…”

  14. 14
    A reader says:

    how’s i supposed to be first if the twitter annoncing is late

  15. 15
    Dingo says:

    Speccie are giving out a bottle of Champagne if you can name the mystery woman photographed with Andrew Marr

    I guess it cannot be verified by DNA as I guess Marr has had the baby wipes out

  16. 16
    REd Millitwat says:

    Advert on the site “4 ways to avoid running out of money during retirement”

    Don’t vote for Me

  17. 17
    Annabel says:


  18. 18
    Cherie's friend says:

    Welcome: Please let me scam you.

  19. 19
    The BBC says:

    Our new series of “Blind Date” starts next week and is hosted by Andrew Marr and George Galloway. Our target audience will be black men between 15 and 30, the show will feature tips on how to date r*ape drunken women and also how to “re-enter” after consensual sex.

  20. 20
    Mrs Jugears - Smythe says:

    I know who it wasn’t

  21. 21
    Jackie Ashley says:

    And a second bottle from me.

  22. 22
    Lara says:

    Not really

  23. 23
    Tesco beep beep machine says:


  24. 24
    Thick as a Planck says:

    Kebab taking time to read Star on Sunday. Eye off ball.

  25. 25
    Tadpole says:

    shame your dad didn’t

  26. 26
    Gordoom says:

    Best wishes to Ruby Murray.

  27. 27
    As thick a Planck says:

    Upper case twat.

  28. 28
    Cilla says:

    Lara laffs.

  29. 29
    do me a favour says:

    Brendan Barber makes it up as he goes along.

  30. 30

    ” How do you solve a problem like Maria?”

  31. 31
    The BBC are cunts says:

    He’s reading the script Red Ed asked us to pass to him, isn’t he ?

  32. 32
    Jimmy says:

    Butch is now safely back in his pocket.

  33. 33
    Set for life says:

    Method 2: Get a high-paid civil service non-job.

  34. 34
    just a thought says:

    Method 3.
    Become a retired union boss.

  35. 35
    the savant says:

    but please note …

    this self service machine accepts only
    green shield stamps as recognised legal tender.
    should you not possess any then please time travel to the 1970 s
    to pick some up …..

  36. 36
    the savant says:

    julian assange :

    what about me ? i could do a video link from hans crescent .

  37. 37
    the savant says:

    method four

    run your affairs from belize

  38. 38
    the savant says:

    doesn t she play tennis awfully well whilst singing at the london palladium at the same time ?

  39. 39
    Ho hum says:

    Method 5: visit your local NHS hospital. No need for cash once your clogs have popped.

  40. 40
    Ho hum says:

    Is this the Ruby who was asked not to take her love to town by some crippled C&W singer a few years back?

  41. 41
    Ho hum says:

    Why, has she got the wind?

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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