September 5th, 2012

The Rebel in the Whips Office

No.10 has announced that Greg Knight and Des Swayne have been appointed as new government whips. King of the jingle Knight should know all about unruly backbenchers given that he himself has rebelled eight times this Parliament:

As far as Guido can see, Knight is the only one of the 143 Tory MPs that have rebelled against this government to get a promotion in the reshuffle. New Solicitor General Oliver Heald signed the infamous rebel Lords letter but chickened out of the vote.

Guido is a little confused to how Knight is planning on demanding loyalty?

And with the rumours already swirling around the troops about Mitchell, the new whips have got their work cut out…


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Like most who seek more power they will be whip fodder.

  2. 2
    alexsandr says:

    Whips get their authority from the PM. If the PM has lost authority because many backbenchers think they will be down the job centre in 2015, then the whips become irrelevant and impotent.

  3. 3

    Guido’s Little Book of Whippicisms?

    Under the counter or top shelf stuff?

  4. 4

    Poachers make the best gamekeepers.

  5. 5
    Gonk says:

    When I was a patrol leader in the scouts I appointed a particularly troublesome boy as my “second”. I gave him the tricky jobs, collecting
    subs, shoe cleaning..that sort of thing. Pretty quickly I had him under
    control and it wasn’t long before I was awarded my woodcraft badge.

  6. 6
    Mad Frankie Maude says:

    Handbook for Booing

    1/ Attend large public event.

    2/ Send in a Tory.

    3/ BOO, BOO.

  7. 7
    SP4BS says:

    “Guido is a little confused to how Knight is planning on demanding loyalty?”

    I thought you knew all that sort of stuff. Won’t it be the same old bribes, threats, promises and harrassment?

  8. 8
    Ed Moribund says:

    Keeeeppp the camera on me, Barry!

  9. 9
    Old Grumpy says:

    Absolutely correct!

    I once had the uneviable task of controlling the unruliest Troop in our Regiment. I got over the disciplinary problems by making the main troublemakers responsible for the behaviour of the rest!……….. It worked like a dream (and norra nightmare!)

  10. 10
    mr whiplash says:

    WTF is this thread about 8illy?

  11. 11
    Fuck off B1llbo says:

    That sound you hear is B1lly Blowjob having an orgasm at the prospect of PMQs and Livechat. He’s been sitting continuously in front of his computer for the last three months waiting for it to come back.

    This is what B1lly probably does when he needs to answer the call of nature.

  12. 12
    Kebab Time says:

    Seeing as most laws and orders come from Brussels i would say that our current government is whip fodder for the masters in Brussels.

    As you were!

  13. 13
    Mad Frankie Maude says:

    My mum has cut off her dreads.

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Cheesy video

  15. 15
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    Just looked up Chris Gayling on Wiki. I see he’s almost but not quite a member of the “hang ‘em, flog em’ and put them all on a boat and send them back where they came from” brigade. However, comes as no surprise he’s been a bit of a naughty boy when it comes to expenses claims. Words almost fail me!

  16. 16
    Peter Bone says:

    Well at least my Nan still has her dreads.

  17. 17
    a non says:

    Sad you will not be joining us but can understand that in your caseCeeBeeBees must take precedence.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Not surprising that Greening was moved from transport after her interview on Today. As Naughtie pointed out over and over, gov were going to have a consultation on heathrow that she’s already dismissed, leaving gov open to legal action. Shame but there you go, we live in an era of Branson et al throwing lawyers around when they don’t get their way.l

  19. 19
    Ride the shortbus to school? says:

    Wooosh, and it went flying right over your head.

  20. 20
    illogical says:

    How true. Any decision that seems to have originated without deep discussion throwing up a few objections against the rest of the flock will never go amiss in my book

  21. 21
    Cameron to Clegg says:

  22. 22
    Little black book says:

    Don’t tell him Pike!

  23. 23
    The above's assistant says:

    4. Ensure the audience is made up of the unemployed and public sector workers.

  24. 24
    Pundit Too says:


  25. 25
    Pundit too too says:

    5. And all on subsidized tickets or freebies

  26. 26
    Jimmy the Red Naughty and his Toady Pals says:

    Like lambs to the slaughter the Conservative MP’s come onto BBC radio 4 and are subjected to our totally biased interrogation and bedwetting torture techniques, and never fight back. Wonderful.

  27. 27
  28. 28
    Fuck Nose says:

    Fuck nose.

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