September 3rd, 2012

The EU is Cracking Up

Cracks are starting to appear in Brussels. Literally. 

From: “WELLE Klaus” 
To: “Parlement Européen” 
Date: Mon, 3 Sep 2012 07:41:19 +0200
Subject: Temporary closure of Section A of the Paul-Henri Spaak Buildin

In agreement with the President and the responsible Vice-President, I have taken the decision to temporarily close Section A of the Paul-Henri Spaak (PHS) Building. This precautionary measure has become necessary after the discovery of cracks in three of the wooden beams carrying the roof of the plenary chamber, during checks made in the framework of our increased inspection and maintenance policy. The causes of the cracks could not be determined which makes the temporary closure of the Section A of the Paul-Henri Spaak building necessary until the source of the problem can be identified.

The delicious irony was not lost on Nigel Farage, who gets in touch to say: “The roof is falling in in the European Parliament on the first day of term. I wonder what that might be a metaphor for?” Will the EU still be here by the time it’s fixed?


104 Comments

  1. 1
    jgm2 says:

    Was it built by the same crowd that built Alex Salmond’s gang-hut in Edinburgh?

  2. 2
    George Osborne says:

    They didn’t fix the roof whilst the sun was shining!

    • 88
      Soapsuds and bubbles says:

      Inhabited by a few thousand traitorous crackpots (probably on crack too).

      What a cracking headline it would be for the DExpress if the roof really fell in!

    • 97
      the savant says:

      they did nt make hay either gid

  3. 3
    Gordon Brown says:

    I enjoyed my visit to this building

  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    We know that they are bonkers ;)

  5. 6
    Kebab Time says:
  6. 7
    Handycock says:

    Did someone mention fresh crack?

  7. 8
    Sir David Aaronovich says:

    I always wondered why the Victorians moved from wooden beams to cast iron ones.

    • 41
      Nigel S says:

      Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
      Alas! I am very sorry to say…

      For the stronger we our houses do build,
      The less chance we have of being killed.

    • 64
      SP4BS says:

      Cast iron was a dead end in technology.

      Wood is OK, but it rots. I always imagine the 19th century as being perpetually damp. Perhaps with central heating and better varnish its not a bad material after all.

  8. 11
    IanVisits says:

    The delicious irony was not lost on Nigel Farage, who gets in touch to say: “The roof is falling in in the European Parliament on the first day of term. I wonder what that might be a metaphor for?”

    I wonder what he has to say then about reports that the UK Parliament may have to close for 5 years for a massive refurbishment.

    Some metaphor.

    • 12
      jgm2 says:

      Mmmmm. Five years without any new laws.

      Where do I sign?

      • 36
        nellnewman says:

        5 years without parliament and no mp’s and hangers on salaries to & expenses pay for 5 years – the economy would be thriving after a comfortable spell with no government interference.

        • 89
          Soapsuds and bubbles says:

          OK, but can they please pass the great repealing Bill annulling all the 3000 new laws nobody asked for before they go?

    • 13
      Ex-Tory says:

      Yes. Increased maintenance inspection finds unexplained faults. What a surprise! £ms to be wasted in unnecessary renovation.

    • 42
      Forkbender says:

      Don’t panic chaps, they are moving all government business to York

    • 59
      Nigel Farage, Lord Protector says:

      “You have been sitting too long for any good you have been doing lately; depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”

  9. 14
    jgm2 says:

    I suppose this is the bit where some EU fanatic points out that it’s jolly lucky they’ve got a spare parliament building in Strasbourg for just such an ‘emergency’.

  10. 20
  11. 22
    Bob the Builder says:

    Most green timber cracks when put under pressure!!

  12. 25
    Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

    Pity the roof didn’t cave in with them all underneath. With one or two exceptions.

    • 29
      Bob the Builder says:

      There’s probably nothing wrong with the structure regarding strength but some inexperienced ‘elf and safety Muppet has panicked. Any way if there is a fault with the timber construction surely the designers and architects are responsible and liable for any rectification costs, NOT US FU*KING TAX PAYERS? Or is this just another made up job for the builder friends of the EU to collect a few million?

  13. 28
    P. Hautzide says:
  14. 31

    The roof’s falling in on a building called Spaak
    The inspectors are worried and have discovered a crack
    Despite all their Euros and Transportes Magleves
    A sinkhole has formed in the Rue de Treves
    The noise coming out sound like There’s no going back…

  15. 35
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The BBC is organising a farewell for Mark Thompson. Who is paying for this?
    If it’s the license fee payer, do we get the chance to opt out and get a refund?

  16. 40
    Eric Joyce MP says:

    Just got fucking thrown out of B&Q, some old twat came up to me and asked if I wanted decking so I nutted the c u n t

  17. 43
    jgm2 says:

    They probably had some Romaniansin Hi-Viz jackets passing by who gave it the whole…

    ‘I was just passing, shur, when I noticed the flashing is coming away from your chimney, shur. I have me ladder on top of me (untaxed Transit) van, shur. I’ll jusht go up dere, shur, and take a look at it for you, shur…’

    Five minutes later and Von Rumpey is being marched down to the cashpoint to withdraw 100,000,000 Euros for ‘essential repairs’ and the tinkers have bought themselves a new Range Rover and a caravan. And stolen all the flashing and half the timber for a bonfire.

    • 52
      Gonk says:

      Not forgetting a new wedding dress for “Sahara Vienna” in that delicate
      shade of laser pink suitable for an eighteen stoner.

    • 56
      Forkbender says:

      I thought it was those Iorish tinkers who did that sor, I have this tarmac left from a job we’ve been doing sor, would loike us to resurface your droive sor

      • 82
        Rational Being says:

        It’s always worried me just how many people think this is true, rather than understanding that the tinker just melts the existing tarmac pieces and puts them back again. But then I grew up before the decimation of education in the 1970s.

  18. 44
    Extended holidays says:

    Notice they didn’t discover the cracks untill after the summer recess.

  19. 46
    Loungelizard says:

    Can I just amend that to…..themselves a new Range Rover Sport and a….

  20. 48
    Raving Loon says:

    Quick question: why does the EU have 2 parliament buildings?

  21. 51
    Kinnochio says:

    I’m totterly and utterly disgusted by your cynicism, about the EU, an institution that hasbeen deeply enriching to me and my familty.

    • 102
      Blowing Whistles says:

      When all the ‘boyos’ really do find out about your dirty deeds and fleecing – where you gonna flee to … Neil?

  22. 54
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    The lead topic at the first Cabinet meeting after my re-shuffle will be

    1/ Blackberry or I-Phone ?

    We have dithered for far too long on this question and tomorrow will be decisive.

  23. 67
    Mad Frankie Maude says:

    I am delighted to confirm that David Cameron has no plans to bring back John Major into a re-shuffled Cabinet.

    • 78
      A Solicitor says:

      Wonder if there’s Laws against Chris Bryant being repeeled ?

    • 103
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Perhaps we the people can adopt those common purpose laws that the South Africans attempted to [they appear to have backed down] to do Maude and his cohorts for their multiple crimes against the taxpayers? We do still have criminal laws of acting in a conspiracy / in concert with others to effect theft fraud and criminality etc.

  24. 69
    SP4BS says:

    “I wonder what that might be a metaphor for?”

    The germans will pay for the bolts, and botch up a fix, that will hold things together for a few more years.

  25. 70
    Baroness Ashton of Upholland says:

    Workmen have discovered a previously unsuspected crack in my underpinnings.

  26. 72
    Ed Balls MP says:

    I just stuck my cock in Bevanite Ellie’s hand to test my Erogenous Growth Theory!

  27. 98
    welshwiz says:

    Aaaaah Paul-Henri Spaak. The original Eurocrat.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul-Henri_Spaak

  28. 104
    Furious says:

    Shame it didn’t fall on the fuckers heads!


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Dan Hodges on Team Miliband:

“‘Poisonous’, was the picture painted by one former senior advisor. ‘Dysfunctional,’ said one shadow cabinet member. ‘A bunch of medieval courtiers, not an office,’ said another. The most positive description I could get was ‘It’s a work in progress. They’re learning. Slowly. But they are learning.’”



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Do you want lies with that?


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