September 3rd, 2012

The EU is Cracking Up

Cracks are starting to appear in Brussels. Literally. 

From: “WELLE Klaus” 
To: “Parlement Européen” 
Date: Mon, 3 Sep 2012 07:41:19 +0200
Subject: Temporary closure of Section A of the Paul-Henri Spaak Buildin

In agreement with the President and the responsible Vice-President, I have taken the decision to temporarily close Section A of the Paul-Henri Spaak (PHS) Building. This precautionary measure has become necessary after the discovery of cracks in three of the wooden beams carrying the roof of the plenary chamber, during checks made in the framework of our increased inspection and maintenance policy. The causes of the cracks could not be determined which makes the temporary closure of the Section A of the Paul-Henri Spaak building necessary until the source of the problem can be identified.

The delicious irony was not lost on Nigel Farage, who gets in touch to say: “The roof is falling in in the European Parliament on the first day of term. I wonder what that might be a metaphor for?” Will the EU still be here by the time it’s fixed?


  1. 1
    jgm2 says:

    Was it built by the same crowd that built Alex Salmond’s gang-hut in Edinburgh?

  2. 2
    George Osborne says:

    They didn’t fix the roof whilst the sun was shining!

  3. 3
    Gordon Brown says:

    I enjoyed my visit to this building

  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    We know that they are bonkers ;)

  5. 5
    jgm2 says:

    So did we.

  6. 6
    Kebab Time says:

  7. 7
    Handycock says:

    Did someone mention fresh crack?

  8. 8
    Sir David Aaronovich says:

    I always wondered why the Victorians moved from wooden beams to cast iron ones.

  9. 9
    jgm2 says:

    Here’s a shovel. Off you go.

  10. 10
    Gordon Brown says:

    I though it was fresh cack

  11. 11
    IanVisits says:

    The delicious irony was not lost on Nigel Farage, who gets in touch to say: “The roof is falling in in the European Parliament on the first day of term. I wonder what that might be a metaphor for?”

    I wonder what he has to say then about reports that the UK Parliament may have to close for 5 years for a massive refurbishment.

    Some metaphor.

  12. 12
    jgm2 says:

    Mmmmm. Five years without any new laws.

    Where do I sign?

  13. 13
    Ex-Tory says:

    Yes. Increased maintenance inspection finds unexplained faults. What a surprise! £ms to be wasted in unnecessary renovation.

  14. 14
    jgm2 says:

    I suppose this is the bit where some EU fanatic points out that it’s jolly lucky they’ve got a spare parliament building in Strasbourg for just such an ‘emergency’.

  15. 15
    Dobbie says:

    Tur-tur-t-timing is the strong point here.

  16. 16
    Dobbie says:

    Farage (and Guido) enjoying the moment.

  17. 17
    Lou Scannon says:

    Barroso hasn’t finished off the EU yet.

  18. 18
    Nigel Hannan says:

    I hear there’s plenty of spare room at Euro-Disney

  19. 19
    PooleBabe says:

    And a wheel-barrowso get on to it. Chop chop!

  20. 20
  21. 21
    Dan Farage says:

    Do we know each other?

  22. 22
    Bob the Builder says:

    Most green timber cracks when put under pressure!!

  23. 23
    jgm2 says:

    Only enough space for one Mickey Mouse outfit there I’m afraid.

  24. 24
    Caroline Lucas says:

    I quit.

  25. 25
    Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

    Pity the roof didn’t cave in with them all underneath. With one or two exceptions.

  26. 26
    Expat Geordie says:

    Look at the date. Check the anniversary.

  27. 27
    Bob the Builder says:

    My understanding is you never even started to put a foundation down?

  28. 28
    P. Hautzide says:

  29. 29
    Bob the Builder says:

    There’s probably nothing wrong with the structure regarding strength but some inexperienced ‘elf and safety Muppet has panicked. Any way if there is a fault with the timber construction surely the designers and architects are responsible and liable for any rectification costs, NOT US FU*KING TAX PAYERS? Or is this just another made up job for the builder friends of the EU to collect a few million?

  30. 30
    plane speaking says:

    Comment like yours goes against the grain

  31. 31

    The roof’s falling in on a building called Spaak
    The inspectors are worried and have discovered a crack
    Despite all their Euros and Transportes Magleves
    A sinkhole has formed in the Rue de Treves
    The noise coming out sound like There’s no going back…

  32. 32
    Forkbender says:

    Farage, wasn’t he the guy that fell from the sky?

  33. 33
    nellnewman says:

    I am happy for him to do whatever he wants with the eu as long as we’re not in it!

  34. 34
    Bob the Builder says:

    One should be able to take the rough with the smooth!

  35. 35
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The BBC is organising a farewell for Mark Thompson. Who is paying for this?
    If it’s the license fee payer, do we get the chance to opt out and get a refund?

  36. 36
    nellnewman says:

    5 years without parliament and no mp’s and hangers on salaries to & expenses pay for 5 years – the economy would be thriving after a comfortable spell with no government interference.

  37. 37
    jgm2 says:

    Naaah. That was David Bowie.

  38. 38
    Knob jockey says:

    I’m looking forward to filling David Law’s crack when he’s back in his rightful place.

    Even if it isn’t as fresh as it used to be.

  39. 39
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Green oak cracks as it dries out.

  40. 40
    Eric Joyce MP says:

    Just got fucking thrown out of B&Q, some old twat came up to me and asked if I wanted decking so I nutted the c u n t

  41. 41
    Nigel S says:

    Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
    Alas! I am very sorry to say…

    For the stronger we our houses do build,
    The less chance we have of being killed.

  42. 42
    Forkbender says:

    Don’t panic chaps, they are moving all government business to York

  43. 43
    jgm2 says:

    They probably had some Romaniansin Hi-Viz jackets passing by who gave it the whole…

    ‘I was just passing, shur, when I noticed the flashing is coming away from your chimney, shur. I have me ladder on top of me (untaxed Transit) van, shur. I’ll jusht go up dere, shur, and take a look at it for you, shur…’

    Five minutes later and Von Rumpey is being marched down to the cashpoint to withdraw 100,000,000 Euros for ‘essential repairs’ and the tinkers have bought themselves a new Range Rover and a caravan. And stolen all the flashing and half the timber for a bonfire.

  44. 44
    Extended holidays says:

    Notice they didn’t discover the cracks untill after the summer recess.

  45. 45
    Forkbender says:

    Funny there are some cathedrals that have been standing for nearly 1,000 years and they are still standingwith original beams using greenwood joinery

  46. 46
    Loungelizard says:

    Can I just amend that to…..themselves a new Range Rover Sport and a….

  47. 47
    Forkbender says:

    Greenwoo joinery means the wood is easier work also as the wood dries out it hold joints firmer

  48. 48
    Raving Loon says:

    Quick question: why does the EU have 2 parliament buildings?

  49. 49
    Janet Street-Porter says:

    Oih you’re lanquije is a fackin disgrace, clear orrff!

  50. 50
    plane speaking says:

    I’ll file that remark for future reference

  51. 51
    Kinnochio says:

    I’m totterly and utterly disgusted by your cynicism, about the EU, an institution that hasbeen deeply enriching to me and my familty.

  52. 52
    Gonk says:

    Not forgetting a new wedding dress for “Sahara Vienna” in that delicate
    shade of laser pink suitable for an eighteen stoner.

  53. 53
    The Disenfranchised says:

    We’re cross, cut and sore.

  54. 54
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    The lead topic at the first Cabinet meeting after my re-shuffle will be

    1/ Blackberry or I-Phone ?

    We have dithered for far too long on this question and tomorrow will be decisive.

  55. 55
    The Disenfranchised says:

    Why does the EU have any parliament buildings ?

  56. 56
    Forkbender says:

    I thought it was those Iorish tinkers who did that sor, I have this tarmac left from a job we’ve been doing sor, would loike us to resurface your droive sor

  57. 57
    jgm2 says:

    Made from the new wonder fabric of the 21st century – nylon.

  58. 58
    Forkbender says:


  59. 59
    Nigel Farage, Lord Protector says:

    “You have been sitting too long for any good you have been doing lately; depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”

  60. 60
    timbre says:

    Knot my fault.

  61. 61
    Sir William Waad says:

    I didn’t think the European Parliament had any load-bearing members.

  62. 62
    jgm2 says:

    It is only right that the victors of WWII get a ‘spare’ EU parliament (plus associated employment) on their territory.

  63. 63
    smoggie says:

    Aye he got up out of a plane crash, wandered about a bit and then had a gin & tonic.

  64. 64
    SP4BS says:

    Cast iron was a dead end in technology.

    Wood is OK, but it rots. I always imagine the 19th century as being perpetually damp. Perhaps with central heating and better varnish its not a bad material after all.

  65. 65
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    I do believe you’ve hit the nail squarely on the head.

  66. 66
    jgm2 says:

    Nigel? Fucking legend.

  67. 67
    Mad Frankie Maude says:

    I am delighted to confirm that David Cameron has no plans to bring back John Major into a re-shuffled Cabinet.

  68. 68
    plain spéaking says:

    Tried replying with modern day considerations of céntral heáting and air- conditióning but these seem to be expletives in the eyes of the mod bot

  69. 69
    SP4BS says:

    “I wonder what that might be a metaphor for?”

    The germans will pay for the bolts, and botch up a fix, that will hold things together for a few more years.

  70. 70
    Baroness Ashton of Upholland says:

    Workmen have discovered a previously unsuspected crack in my underpinnings.

  71. 71
    jgm2 says:

    Time for a gag…

  72. 72
    Ed Balls MP says:

    I just stuck my cock in Bevanite Ellie’s hand to test my Erogenous Growth Theory!

  73. 73
    Forkbender says:

    Where are Danny Boy’s play mates, on his own

  74. 74
    Sky's Peter Poofter says:

    I’ll get to the bottom of this girls

  75. 75
    Joy Nerry says:

    Perhaps they need to re-mortise.

  76. 76
    a non says:

    Perrhaps they all prefer the missionary position

  77. 77
    Jim says:

    Farage – is that the lunatic that was recently feted by the tax evaders, Ponzi operators, insider traders, market manipulaters and ‘socially useless’ bankers in the ‘City’ cesspool?
    They even gave him a ‘prize’.

  78. 78
    A Solicitor says:

    Wonder if there’s Laws against Chris Bryant being repeeled ?

  79. 79
    Pension Manager says:

    Still worrying about your EU pension? But yes, it is true it will probably go bust along with the institution itself.

  80. 80
    kane says:

    Pining for a new thread……….Rosebud

  81. 81
    annette curton says:

    I don’t no why they can’t just sign treaties and stuff in that old railway carriage.

  82. 82
    Rational Being says:

    It’s always worried me just how many people think this is true, rather than understanding that the tinker just melts the existing tarmac pieces and puts them back again. But then I grew up before the decimation of education in the 1970s.

  83. 83
    annette curton says:

    Needs a good dipping in creosote and treating with mould retardant.

  84. 84
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Which one, the Great Fire, 1666 or the start of WWII, 1939? They both fit, FFS. A power-mad dictator tries to take over Europe– or (supposedly, as thought at the time) foreigners try to destroy the City?

  85. 85
    annette curton says:

    He said knowingly.

  86. 86
    JH says:

    He can use it to carry banknotes once the cvnts really get into their stride.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Got back from Athens in one piece, I see. A bit depressing.

  88. 88
    Soapsuds and bubbles says:

    Inhabited by a few thousand traitorous crackpots (probably on crack too).

    What a cracking headline it would be for the DExpress if the roof really fell in!

  89. 89
    Soapsuds and bubbles says:

    OK, but can they please pass the great repealing Bill annulling all the 3000 new laws nobody asked for before they go?

  90. 90
    Soapsuds and bubbles says:

    That might (just possibly?) be the reason they used it, don’t you think?

  91. 91
    Pundit too too says:

    Can we have Strasbourg checked out as it could give us a chance to use Blaster Bates mark 2.

  92. 92
    Pundit too too says:

    JMB needs a JCB of gigantic proportions to handle his load.

  93. 93
    Pundit Too says:

    The Great Plague of 1665 more likely.

  94. 94
    taC eht abbaJ says:

    I think you mean crash test dummy Farage FB…

  95. 95
    Dobbie says:

    Oak don’t rot, just gets harder.

  96. 96
    the savant says:

    don t you mean master bates mark one

  97. 97
    the savant says:

    they did nt make hay either gid

  98. 98
    welshwiz says:

    Aaaaah Paul-Henri Spaak. The original Eurocrat.

  99. 99
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The EU is already a busted institution – The shame is that the lunatics running the joint are as yet unwilling to admit it – while they endlessly search for some chink of light. The EU is a behemoth monster in its last death throes.

  100. 100
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Keep chisselling away.

  101. 101
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Try not to be ‘conditioned’ – think for yourself outside of being boxed in.

  102. 102
    Blowing Whistles says:

    When all the ‘boyos’ really do find out about your dirty deeds and fleecing – where you gonna flee to … Neil?

  103. 103
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Perhaps we the people can adopt those common purpose laws that the South Africans attempted to [they appear to have backed down] to do Maude and his cohorts for their multiple crimes against the taxpayers? We do still have criminal laws of acting in a conspiracy / in concert with others to effect theft fraud and criminality etc.

  104. 104
    Furious says:

    Shame it didn’t fall on the fuckers heads!

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers