August 30th, 2012

CCHQ Rain Stops Play
Strauss Missed Corby Deadline

CCHQ are briefing this morning that sadly Andrew Strauss has missed his chance to stand in the Corby by-election as the selection meeting is apparently this afternoon. They did not pour water on the idea of a 2015 bid though, as other news outlets have noticed:

“He’s been hugely successful as England captain and he’d be equally so if he goes into politics.”

Silence from the man himself, who could have shut speculation dawn very easily yesterday afternoon…


  1. 1
    Spartacus says:

    Standing for the taxation party?

    • 12 says:

      Good silly season story though.

      • 22
        Forkbender says:

        “He’s been hugely successful as England captain and he’d be equally so if he goes into politics.” Seems a bit strange to me that someone because they are relatively good at sport could be a good businessman, politician, or anything else for that matter, there have been plenty of sportsmen/women who have beem good at their sport but as a businessman flopped, a rowing blue counts an awfulful lot in the City of London (a case of we all pull together)

        • 26
          Anonymous says:

          Yeah, we all suspect that you do a lot of pulling together Porkbender.

          • Forkbender says:

            My days of pulling anything are over, your little soldier is standing to attention go and relieve him there’s a good chap

        • 44
          SP4BS says:

          I’m almost starting to think SPADs, wonks and PPE’s would be a better choice.

          • tiddlywinks says:

            Politicising sport? You have to admit that for the Conservatives the name “Strauss”does have that ‘je ne sais quoi’ sophisticated ring about it .What have the Socialists in petto for a suitable candidate?
            A Joey Barton soccer type? Some Scottish [caber] tosser? Darts might be out since 3 in a bed is more of a Boris slant. Hurling? Lacrosse? I am assured the Eagle brothers advocate pole vaulting as the answer to all ills. With the enthousiasm generated yesterday about the possibility of the Tóries adopting a top sportsman to contest a seat, kingmakers Watson and Miliband must be making their plans too.

          • SP4BS says:

            It would sound even better connected to something a bit effnik.


          • Forkbender says:

            Strauss, now that sounds a non English name sounds German to me

          • Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

            Strauss? Any relation of that froggie who hoped to become President of France – until he was accused of being a naughty boy in NYC.

      • 65
        Pundit too too says:

        He should have got up at “dawn” to make his decision.

  2. 2
    8illy no ball says:

    I’m Spartacus!

  3. 3
    Woolas says:


  4. 4
    Stead & Simpson says:

    He’d have been a shoe-in.

  5. 5
    Dick the Prick says:

    To be fair, Guido, I think he had other stuff to do yesterday!! It’s only us sad fucks who think politics is important, most normal people regard cricket as superior.

    • 7

      Fine speech, Dick!

      *ripple of applause*

    • 8
      Piers F-D says:

      Totally agree. The idea that he spent yesterday afternoon thinking how best to refute this made-up story shows you have spent way too much time in the Westminster Village. Instead of thinking how best to tweet that he wasn’t going to be a Tory MP, he was probably in the pub.

    • 9
      Well it's a thought says:

      Suppose it could be said that cricket hasn’t got us into any wars, yet!

      • 37
        smoggie says:

        Cricket is the continuation of war, by other means.

        • 46
          Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

          It has certainly worked since 1945. The Munich cricket team plays in the Englischer Garten and has kept the locals occupied trying to figure out what the hell is going on for many years. Apparently they are keen on the extensive use of leather but cannot figure out how to wear the ball.

  6. 6
    Dead man found under a tree says:

    The Tories must be desperate, what next Cheryl Cole for Tory leader?

    If the Tories want to win an election try cutting fucking taxes and public spending.


    • 27
      Forkbender says:

      Who is Cheryl Cole, Harry’s sister?

    • 33
      SP4BS says:


      How’s about just-about-coherent, non-gimmicky, and less of the PR.

      Even more unrealistic.

    • 34
      old git says:

      The Tories must be desperate, what next Cheryl Cole for Tory leader?

      If the Tories want to win an election try cutting fucking taxes and public spending.

      Or holding an in/out referendum on the EU

      The Tories wont win UKIP will see to that

      • 47
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        No chance. The average UKIP candidate will need the entire election period to find his dick in the dark.

        • 63
          Loungelizard says:

          Ten years will see our politicians all ex celebs elected by an X factor TV format. PMQ’s will be a celeb panel game. Control as now from the EU will be directly administered via uncivil servants.

        • 68
          old git says:

          No chance. The average UKIP candidate will need the entire election period to find his dick in the dark.

          That would make no difference
          UKIP wont win but will stop the Tories winning any seat where they have a majority of less than 5000 at the next election

  7. 10
    Two to the head and two to the chest, just to be sure says:

    ‘non-politician fails to run as politician’ bit fucking thin for a story! Corby will go to a robber c_nt from LibLabCon anyway so some cricketer standing for one the robbing parties does not mark the start of the New English Civil War. Very Poor.

  8. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Why shouldn’t he be a Tory MP

    It’s not as if a brain or any knowledge is required.

    Though self-absorbed self-interest and mini-skirts or big tits seem helpful.

    • 13 says:

      Well he couldn’t be a Labour MP as they only regard failure as being worthy of merit. They could always sign up Eddie the Tit. Oh hang on they did, didn’t they?

    • 38
      Forkbender says:

      Has Guido put his application to CCHQ he could bring a bit of wit to the HoC, and give the Cons a bit of backbone and honesty into their ranks, plus all those subsidised goodies and expenses

      • 50
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        And he could advise his fellow MPs on the intricacies of bankruptcy law.

  9. 15
    smoggie says:

    A few leftie sphincters will have stopped quivering this morning.

    • 17 says:

      I doubt it. After the damage Dave has caused you could put up Jesus Christ as Tory candidate and they would still vote for the Labour twot.

      • 28
        smoggie says:

        Who knows, they may all be flocking to the UKIP from both sides. But then probably not.

    • 25
      SP4BS says:

      As they said in back to the future: “who’s vice-president, Jerry Lewis?”

      Is the best the conservative party can do is to put up a celeb sportsman. (And I mean, come on, is he really? has he ever shagged jordan?).

  10. 16
    Mitt Romney says:

    Well I’m free !!!!!

  11. 18

    Breaking News !

    Louise Mensch to replace Andrew Strauss as England cricket captain
    Due to her higher batting average

  12. 19
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    If it ain’t gonna be Strauss,we will have to parachute Iain Dale in then.

  13. 20
    SP4BS says:

    “sadly Andrew Strauss has missed his chance to stand in the Corby by-election”

    SAD? its great. And if he can’t work out how to get selected, he doesnt sound particularly competent.

    “He’s been hugely successful as England captain and he’d be equally so if he goes into politics.”

    Wonder why they say that? Perhaps they think being good at cricket means you;d be good at running the country. Perhaps thats more logical than the ability to stand up and spout bollocks convincingly.
    Perhaps because he just looks “the right sort of chap”.

    We’re doomed.

    • 51

      “Wonder why they say that? Perhaps they think being good at cricket means you;d be good at running the country.”No it means he’s a good spinner who can throw a good curved ball !

    • 66
      John Majorette. says:

      Nothing wrong with loving cricket, it inspires teamwork, risk management, and decison making.
      Labour does it in the sport “rounders” and flying kites.

  14. 21
    Tew Straf says:
  15. 24
    Raving Loon says:

    Lib/Lab/Con should consolidate and form the general leftie, we love the EU and foreign aid party, and be opposed by UKIP who actually hold different opinions.

  16. 30
    Snaplegs says:

    Oh well – at least the bookies did well out of this story

  17. 32
    Well it's a thought says:

    It’s the only bit of PR that the Camoron’s uconned us have had in the papers this year that could/might have woke people up from their political stupor, as usual a u-turn is now involved, seems Camorons company U-turns R Us have been involved.

  18. 36
    genghiz the kahn says:

    If the writ for The Corby By-Election has been moved and it is in November, does it really take 3 months to campaign against Deadwood Miliband and ZaNuLabour? Test series have been won in the same time.

    Either CCHQ are acting as if they cannot organised a piss up in a brewery or Strauss is looking for a safer seat.

    • 40
      SP4BS says:

      Safer seat. yes sounds sensible. He wouldnt have to start his political career actually trying hard to win a seat.

    • 41
      Well it's a thought says:

      He needs to contact Camoron’s other company Parachutes R Us, they seem to have success in Corby, ask that woman Mensch.

    • 67
      CCHQ says:

      Our A Team are still working on the Olympics.
      They will work on politics as from October.

  19. 39
    Ha hah! says:

    He’s probably too conservative.

  20. 43
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    Selection meetings can be delayed or held over two days or can find that the existing gene pool isnt wide enough and they want to consider other candidates

    Unless of course the decision has already been taken for them …but that would never happen

  21. 53


    According to my latest information, this afternoon hasn’t happened yet.

  22. 57

    Can you put up the details of the fat idle fucker labour are putting up in this seat ?
    that would make good reading

  23. 58
    Spokeman for The Turnip Taleban says:

    Hear ! Hear !

  24. 61
    howzat says:

    He’s been out on the stumps quite a bit recently.

  25. 64
    HenryV says:

    Rules are for bending and breaking. If my betters in the political classes have taught me anything it is that basic truth.

  26. 72
    Anonymous says:

    Bet Tom Watson didn’t get much sleep last night!!!!!!!

  27. 75
    Old Grumpy says:

    Good leaders, in general, make good sports captains……….. a PRACTICAL view, which the Army has used for years to sort the men from the boys……… and THEY know something about leadership!

    Personally, I thought the Corby by-election was a bit too much of a gamble for a “rising star” like Strauss………. very unsafe!

    If they want to capitalise on his undoubted electoral pull, then give him time and a safer seat.

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Kevin Maguire on the less than electrifying Ed Miliband…

“I bet if you went into a pub tonight and started a conversation about ­politics you’d hear strong opinions. David Cameron would be out of touch and Nick Clegg despised while Nigel Farage would divide people sharply. Miliband? In a lot of boozers he’d be the fourth most interesting man in British politics.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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