August 22nd, 2012

Rebel Tory Party Conference

Invites have gone out today for a conspiratorial alternative Conservative Party conference to rival the real thing next month.

The one-day Windsor event calls for a renewal of Conservatism and boasts an all-star cast of sound speakers including James Delingpole, Matthew Elliott, Dan Hannan, Tim Montgomerie and Toby Young.

As for the rumours that top Tory donors are becoming more and more disgruntled with Dave?

The keynote speaker is one Lord Ashcroft…


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Wouldnt that be a UKIP conference then?

  2. 2
    Gordon Brown says:

    can I come please?

  3. 3
    Dick the Prick says:

    Good luck with it but most Tories just won’t bother voting, me defo included.

  4. 4
    Chris says:

    Not really a rival – two weeks earlier! More supplementar!!

  5. 5
    The Stilton Eater says:

    Too many men in suits. It looks like an auditor’s convention.

  6. 6
    Chris says:

    D’oh!! supplementarY!!!!!

  7. 7
    Johnny Norfolk says:

    Cameron is just another wet Heath type. He is a Lib/Dem not a true Tory. Thats why we are not moving out of the mess.

  8. 8
    A good judge of big pricks says:

    Delingpole and Toby Young…you could not get two bigger pricks in a Swedish court rape case if you tried.

  9. 9
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    You just can’t trust us to honour our promises.

    Why should we repay the donation from Asil Nadir,after all we are Tories and have a proud tradition of being bastards.

  10. 10
    Engineer says:

    Not sure that they need a renewal of Conservatism, just a renewal of the leadership, or possibly a swift kick in the seat of the pants for the current leadership.

  11. 11
    Hopeful says:

    Thought James D was standing for Ukip in Corby??

  12. 12
    Engineer says:

    Better a bunch of bastards than a bunch of lying, dissembling, economically incontinent scumbags.

    The idea of politicians honouring promises is quite amusing, though.

  13. 13

    Do you REALLY want a list of donations to be paid back by LibLabCon due to donors being fingered by plod after the event? Can we start with T Dan Smith?

  14. 14
    Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

    If only we had a Tory government. Don’t think I will see such a thing in my lifetime as all the main parties are now Liberal Socialists.

  15. 15
    Ian E says:

    Certainly, Gordon; will you bring the piano wire or shall we?

  16. 16
    Ah! Monika says:


    Open tennis referee, 70, ‘smashed a coffee mug across her 80-year-old husband’s head and stabbed him to death with a shattered piece’

  17. 17
    Sarah says:

    Yes love, straight into this turkey baster

  18. 18
    Over a Glass Darkly says:

    Wasn’t DingDongDelingpole flirting with UKIP the other day? When is a Tory not a Tory?

  19. 19
    Yes man. says:

    Bring back the true Tories, last seen circa 1990.

  20. 20
    Asil Nadir says:

    As a top Tory donor,I am more and more disgruntled with Dave.

    The Labour fightback will begin with the Corby by election comrades.

  21. 21
    Spartacus says:

    Ashcroft? I know that name, didn’t he play for Surrey?

  22. 22
    annette curton says:

    Seen elsewhere, top right “Beeb’s Orwell Bias”, they just don’t get it do they?.

  23. 23
    Trahison des Clercs says:

    Ah yes, remember him.

  24. 24
    Burglar Bill Hague says:

    ‘When is a Tory not a Tory?’
    When he’s in today’s Conservative party, surely.

  25. 25
    JH says:

    Yes, where are all the people in African national dress?

    Surely that predictably-public-sector fat bird who wears the big head-scarf thing and gets invited on the BBC all the time wouldn’t have minded appearing here, to show how desperately diverse it all is?

    Apart from a few exceptions they are also horrendously white and ‘British’ looking. Ugh.

  26. 26
    Phillipe Flop says:

    Of course Tory donors are disgruntled with Dave, he’s not a Tory!

  27. 27
    I prefer democracy says:

    Donors are deserting because Mvrd0ch and other media outlets declared war, quite openly a few months ago, on large Tory donors.
    If they donate they get named and shamed by the papers. These people are not publicity seekers, least of all do they want the scumbag press making all sorts of inuendo about them and their affairs. Pound to a penny that Tom Baldwin (ex-Mvrd0ch) is pulling the strings for team Milliband on this. No doubt promising the dirty digger that the Tony Blair (Mvrd0ch was and still is head over hells with him) years of limitless cosyness with the press and government will return. Afterall the BBC won’t say a word about it, when Labour are benefiting.
    Cameron is being attacked because he sided with the Liberals and they openly despise Mvrd0ch and the influence of media barons. DC cannot or will not be Mvrdo0chs poodle and he wants revenge. Montgomery and the rest are just cynically going along with it to advance their own floating vote losing agenda. Labour will be laughing their socks off.

    If the Tory Party want to get rid of their leader, it should purely be an internal party decision, not because an outside, and not even British, influence is holding a gun to their head.

  28. 28
    Archer Karcher says:

    “When is a Tory not a Tory?”

    When he’s a socialist, ask Cameron.

  29. 29
    annette curton says:

    When it’s ajar.

  30. 30
    The Paragnostic says:

    I think he was dropped for missing too many games for tax reasons…

  31. 31
    Archer Karcher says:

    They are not even Liberal in the classic meaning of the word. Though they are all dancing on the same pinhead regarding “progressive” corporatist socialism.

  32. 32
    The Paragnostic says:

    That’s a deuce of a story.

  33. 33
    Muddy Waters says:

    You don’t have to be certified to work at the beeb but it sure as hell helps.

  34. 34

    I do love all this lets move to the right when even many of those Economists who suported Osborne just 2 years ago now say that he has to change with a move to the left. The lessons of history have not been learnt and we are suffering as a result. God only knows why people want a move to the right when the professionals are saying go left.

    Also from reading recent back issues of my professional accountancy/economics magazine, I sense that even the high hied yins of us bean counters are worried for not dissimilar reasons.

    So the professionals say austerity isnt working, yet many in the Tory party and the UKIP want more of the same. More of what doesnt work.

    Quite funny really.

    So please vote in a more extremist right wing Tory leader, for that should put an end to a Tory government in this country for several elections to come!

  35. 35
    wimbledom says:

    Thought a grand slam always occurred after a drop shot and not before.

  36. 36
    Lord Stansted says:


  37. 37
    Madasafish says:

    A collection of the unelected and those unelectable.

  38. 38
    Scary Biscuits says:

    Yes, and horror-of-horrors some of them are wearing red ties. Hasn’t Cameron’s modernisation taught them anything?

  39. 39
    annette curton says:

    She will have to use her second service after that.

  40. 40
    SP4BS says:

    Which “professionals” are these?

    Presumably they know exactly how all the levers work in the economy. I get the impression that its far easier to work than a JCB.

  41. 41
    albacore says:

    Tory rebels? They’ll take bugger all to scupper
    Dave’ll send ‘em to bed without any supper

  42. 42
    The Paragnostic says:

    It’s a moot point about whether any course of action can repair an economy suffering from around 50% of GDP being from government spending.

    Suggesting that increasing government spending is the answer is like prescribing decapitation for a migraine, yet this is all the Keynsians have to offer.

    The only consolation in all this is that I’m not Irish, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian or Greek, because they are FUBAR.

  43. 43
    SP4BS says:

    Is there a cricket test for non-doms?

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    I do love these sad dickheads who still view things as right/left – so boring, so last century.

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:


    It’s a veritable who’s who of dribbling right wing loons.

  46. 46
    SP4BS says:

    well, so 19th century really.

    I tend to view most “left-right” issues like a mixing studio from the 70’s with all those slide switches.

    However, in the context of economics, in 2012, in britain, there’s no doubt as to what it means, and its a pretty realistic indicator as to who is who in the political spectrum. With one exception I keep on about.

  47. 47
    Another Engineer says:

    O/T – look like RBS will be the next UK bank to fall foul of US laws.

    About time some US banks were fined in the UK for any number of misdemeanours.

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    He was until he realised UKIP are utterly unelectable and he could be doing better things with his time.

    Like not reading scientific papers.

  49. 49
    A Fishwife says:

    Move to the left? Move to the right? You sound like Freddie fucking Mercury. What’s needed is a lengthy dose of non-expert, small-c conservative common financial sense. Professional economists got us into the shitpit in the first place. They should all be gagged and bound and dumped in the fucking cellar, sine die.

  50. 50
    Len McCluskey says:

    Comrades,I have just checked out the pricing structure for this Conference.

    No discounts for the unwaged or senior citizens or students !!!

    His Noble Lord will be preaching to the converted.

    Now if Boris was to speak……………………………..

  51. 51
    SP4BS says:

    You do know what “special” relationship means?

    They think we take the short bus to school.

  52. 52
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:


    Cameron, Clegg and Osborne are clueless.

    No matter how many times you kick a dead donkey, it’s still a dead donkey.

  53. 53
    annette curton says:

    An O level in English literature would help and an understanding of the word allegory.

  54. 54
    Rabid lefty Moonbat says:

    I agree, why these madmen and women have utterly crazy ideas, like real democracy and us running our own country! Cutting government spending!! Ending mass uncontrolled immigration!!! Cutting taxes!!!!! Deporting foreign criminals!!!!! What a bunch of dangerous loooooons!!!!!

  55. 55
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    That story is a tempest in a tea cup, anyway.

  56. 56
    Alan Hansen says:

    it’s a small photo – 6 along, 3 down… is that Nick Griffin?

  57. 57
    Archer Karcher says:

    “Like not reading scientific papers.”

    Like not buying into unscientific lies you mean, surely? Or are you one of the braindead drones, who believes penguins and polar bears are doomed because your granny wants to keep warm in winter?

  58. 58
    Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

    Would they be the same ‘professionals’ who said we were doomed unless we joined the Euro?

  59. 59

    I think that where our government have erred is that they looked at the money levers but failed to take proper account of the social levers.

    I actually feel sorry for Dave as I do think his heart is in the right place and that he means well. But thinking that he could jolt this nation of ours (and lets face it it is a pretty conservative with a small c nation) into a new positive way of thinking within a 5 years time frame was ambitious at best.

    I can only wonder, if for example, he gave proper consideration to how his policies would result in injecting fear and terror into society (as someone here confirmed with his wife yesterday), and the crime, suicides and ill health that would flow from that, not to mention riots [thank you God for a soggy summer as I was dreading a long hot one]?

    You cannot focus soley on keeping the bankers/markets/funders happy while letting everyone else suffer. Its bonkers form a societal cohesion perspective, even if good from a political ideology perspective.

    You cant ignore lessons from history, changing times or this nations social cohesion, for one thing that this nation has been very good at is stability. So changing everything at once to please the money folk is simply bonkers.

  60. 60
    Bob Marley says:

    ONE LOVE? Be glad to, mon! Right after this spliff…

  61. 61
    Archer Karcher says:

    Nick Griffin’s a socialist, get over it.

  62. 62
    SP4BS says:

    He doesnt read scientific papers. he says so.

    Odd Idea really wanting Journalists to find things out for themselves.

  63. 63
    Fog says:

    Let’s do the Time Warp again
    It’s just a jump to the left
    And then a step to the right
    With your hands on your hips
    You bring your knees in tight
    But it’s the pelvic thrust
    That starts to drive you insane
    Let’s do the Time Warp again

  64. 64
    SP4BS says:

    Its not as if he’s been jabbing the levers about very much.

  65. 65
    BBC elf'n'safetea wallah says:

    Allegories are not allowed on the premises. They bite, you know.

  66. 66
    BBC staffer says:

    Didn’t British Leyland make Allegorys?

  67. 67
    Tomorrow's Chip Wrapper says:

    In trying to keep the Liberal Party in the Coalition Cameron has lost the Tory Party. He’s finished. On the morning of 8th May 2015 as he sits in CCHQ the men in grey suits will be handing him the revolver…no one is more unforgiving than the Tory party and especially a Tory party that has just thrown away power

  68. 68
    annette curton says:

    Huh, see you don’t mind about your Crocoshit.

  69. 69
    not welcome says:

    Has the filthy perverts in the Jordanian paralympic team been told to fuck off yet by the organisers?

  70. 70
    Red Robbo says:

    With at least one square wheel

  71. 71
    Bilderberger Common Purpose Group says:

    How true, all going according to The Plan.

  72. 72
    John Major says:


  73. 73
    Armand Annuntiata says:

    Have you seen our new series of Party Politicals, produced with the cooperation of the Libs? On the BBC SOON, just to prepare the path.

  74. 74
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Add to that the Illuminati and we can all celebrate. Boaz.

  75. 75
    ho hum says:

    Yes, and all the neighbours commented on the infernal racquet coming from next door.

  76. 76
    JH says:

    I agree – it’s much easier to divide people into those who want to keep more of their own money, and those who feel entitled to other people’s and use government to get it.

  77. 77
    ho hum says:

    Unlimited immigration and social cohesion are not very happy bedfellows – especially to small c English conservative folk.

  78. 78
    BBC elf'n'safetea wallah says:

    You fail to see virtue in the golden waters of its abode.

  79. 79
    poitree says:

    A seperate group might have a main course,
    The chance to back a stalking horse.
    Perhaps when viewing the wolf at the door,
    Dear Dave will be scared to his alba core.
    Since “alba” suggests from the land of the frock,
    You must be one too, say it’s not so old son.

  80. 80

    Or into people who are “me me me” and those who are “lets help each other”

    I can only assume that the right wing would be happy to be left to get on with it when disaster strikes? When they loose their job, can’t get another, get ill or disabled, or who loose their home etc.

  81. 81
    GM says:

    Scruton would be worth hearing. Rest are barrow-boys and tossers.

  82. 82
    Jimmy says:

    Cashcroft at a Taxdodgers’ Alliance shindig?

    Imagine my surprise.

  83. 83
    You can't polish a t_u_r_d says:

    I agree, why these madmen and women have utterly crazy ideas, like real democracy and us running our own country! Cutting government spending!! Ending mass uncontrolled immigration!!! Cutting taxes!!!!! Deporting foreign criminals!!!!! What a bunch of dangerous loooooons!!!!!

    Well for most of that you need patriotic parties, so that leaves out Labour, LibDems and the Tories.

    Instead we’re lumbered with three parties driven by vested interests, greed and toxic ideologies of globalism and post-democracy.

  84. 84
    Engineer says:

    The current crisis is caused by too much debt. Too much personal debt, too much corporate debt and far too much sovereign debt (or public debt as it’s usually called).

    How the hell is incurring more debt going to solve the problem?

    The mantra ‘we need growth’ is somewhat undermined when you consider that since 2008 (and arguably some time before that) the growth figures were supported by unsustainable borrowing. Until that borrowing is paid back, and the current level of borrowing curbed, the level of economic activity will ‘fall’ to a sustainable level.

    The current ‘lack of growth’ is merely the correction to a decade-long binge on unsustainably cheap borrowing. The sooner it can work itself out of the system, the better; more borrowing now will just postpone the economic hangover.

  85. 85
    feel good... says:

    who has a clue?

  86. 86
    feel good... says:

    does anyone know why nadir came back to the UK? was it really to go to prison…his missus finds this inconceivable.

  87. 87

    Hence my solution for repaying all government debt in full at a stroke leaving a budget without debt repayments. Subject to keeping a keen eye on inflation, exchange rates and asset values, problem sorted overnight.

    OK not quite that easy, but out of the box thinking is required.

  88. 88
    Dave's bulging scrotum face says:

    doh supplemental

  89. 89
    Dave's bulging scrotum face says:

    This week I was pictured having a jog in st James’s park. I undid this by having Dover sole and filet mignon for breakfast.

  90. 90
    wonkotsane says:

    Same day as the UKIP conference. A cynic might think that Tim Montgomerie was staging a fake “grassroots” conference on the same day to try and stop disaffected Tories from coming to the UKIP conference instead.

  91. 91
    wonkotsane says:

    I say fake grassroots because of course Tim Montgomerie is far from being a member of the Tory grassroots when he’s paid to work for the Tories.

  92. 92
    Dave's bulging scrotum face says:

    Problem is old cock we didn’t cut expenditure and gave the workshy and pensioners a pay rise when real workers had pay cuts. We haven’t given any meaningful tax cuts to those who can use the money to boost production, and of course there’s the dreadful situ in the eu which we abandoned scepticism of when we confused the publics antipathy to us as a result of the eu, rather than membership of the erm which caused most aspirational southerners to be repossessed. That’s why we favour monetary intervention. Thing is we’re fuckwits and haven’t a clue about the lessons of history.

  93. 93
    AC1 says:

    “Me Me Me” yep those who grab cash from others are selfish.

    Let’s help people keep safe from the envious!

  94. 94
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    “lets help each other” You pompous cvnt!

    You mean “let’s help ourselves to other peoples money”

    Hard working people wanting to keep their own money to keep themselves and their families afloat, are not fvcking selfish you evil socialist scumbag!!

    Once again boiler plate left-wing slogans without describing the rationale behind bankrupting a nation, morally as well as economically.

    Just more of the”we’re so nice andyou are so nasty” socialist claptrap that has been disproved so many times.

  95. 95
    Thumbs up says:


  96. 96
    Whispering Grass says:

    @Poor Bloody Taxpayer


    The Collectivist Conspiracy (Ed Griffin)

  97. 97
    Lucius Calidius Eroticus says:

    Can you point to all those millions who are suffering? Social spending is still through the roof. Nobody in this country is doing without medical care and housing is there for those who need it. Indeed the only threat to all this free care, housing and cash is the Labour Party, who spent every penny they could get their hands on, leaving the Tories with the mess.

  98. 98
    Lucius Calidius Eroticus says:

    Is this box you mention on Mars?

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Ask the chap yesterday on here who said his wife was “terrified.”

    Medical care can depend on whether you can afford the prescriptions/dental bills and on whether the nhs will still fund your operation.

    Plenty of people live on the street (though to be fair the government have worked hard to ensure that bankruptsy doent send more to the streets)

    Dont get me wrong Lucius, I dont disagree with our governments philosophy, I just think that they have done too much too quickly, and that this has caused harm.

    I actually want the tories to succeed in rejuvinating this nation, but they have gone around it the wrong way. In my opinion, which is rapidly becoming the opinion of others, who are a little more delicate in how they criticise like the IMF and Economists who once backed Osborne.

    It just saddens me that a nation of light like ours falls into darkness for no good reason. It would have been better if the Lib Dems had proven themsleves to be a cut above the Tories but that is a separate issue.

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Lucius I just did a post that got lost in the ether somehow. Just wondering if this one will make it.

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Christ on a bike

    Do you really have to be so nasty?

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:


    Very strange things are happening to my posts tonight, lets see how this one works

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    Well I never

    Some of my postsanswering points simply dont appear, others appear with my name and some annonymous. Will this one work?

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    It did! So what has happened to those missing in space – Lucius sorry but I did answer your points

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    Ah now I get it my replys to questions dont seem to be working at all as I replied to my post above – sorry Lucius there must be ghosts in the system

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    Some are just not appearing apologies to those I am not answering

  107. 107
    Just asking says:

    Do your professional accountancy/economics magazines explain what a “high hied yin” is?

  108. 108
    Liam Byrne says:

    There’s no money left.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    There is a difference in looking after the genuinely needy and the essentially lazy & greedy. Socialists always want to spend everyone elses money.

  110. 110
    Wavy says:

    strange – I don’t see my name mentioned.

  111. 111
    JH says:

    Christ, where do I start.

    First, check this out Stuart: We don’t blame you; edukashun edukashun edukashun innit.

    People who like to talk about ‘helping each other’ are more usually into ‘helping themselves’ once their bleeding hearts have wangled their way into a public sector sinecure.

    They talk about ‘shared sacrifice’ but strangely it is others who do the sacrificing bit, while they are more in to the sharing part.

    Welfare is fine for those who are genuinely disadvantaged, or for those temporarily out of work. It is not a hammock to lay in while the dwindling producer class get exploited.

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    A list of wankers.

  113. 113
    Anonymous says:

    Fuck off back to your gin and tonic.

  114. 114
    Grimy Miner says:

    Stewart is a second year accountancy student. “Sir” hasn’t got to that part of the curriculum yet.

  115. 115
    Scary Biscuits says:

    Yes, To book tickets ring 01753 678693 or email

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    “The lessons of history have not been learnt and we are suffering as a result. God only knows why people want a move to the right when the professionals are saying go left.”

    The lesson of history is that once 300-odd economists have put their stamp on a letter to a Conservative leadership urging a change in direction, it is better to keep going and be proved right, and let the ‘professionals’ go choke.

  117. 117
    Honest View says:

    I’m not sure all this donor business is beside the point. If the Tories simply promoted real conservative policies, people would vote for them. They can have a trillion quid a week pouring in, but if they show themselves as wavering, wet Liberals, they will surely be buried at the next election.

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