August 20th, 2012

Gordon Brown’s Mobile Phone Throwing World Record Broken

Ever since he was revealed to have furiously hurled three Nokias at a Downing Street wall Gordon Brown has been the unofficial mobile phone throwing world champion. Until now…

The Prime Mentalist has cruelly had his top Team GB achievement taken away from him after Finland set a new world record for throwing a mobile. 18-year-old Ere Karjalainen launched his phone an impressive 101.46 metres, smashing Gordon’s previous personal best of the width of a room in Number 10. Guido is sure Brown would never let anyone take his gold away from him…


  1. 1
  2. 2
    Charles De Gall says:

    did the curse of brown strike at home?


    • 57
      All politicians are psychopaths says:

      Only psychopath politicians throw phones in anger when things don’t go their way.

      The video is primarily about large corporations, but the same applies for political parties these days that are now run like corporations. The independently minded MP is just not selected by the corporate/political machines because they are…er…independently minded and won’t blindly toe the party/lobby line.


      • 64
         LNER says:

        My ADHD won’t cope with a 9 minute 45 seconds video about PCL-R.


      • 79
        Handycock (sex Tourist on Taxpayer's money) says:

        I certainly won’t tow the party line unless the whips threaten to stop me traveling to eastern Europe and Russia on taxpayer’s money, then I am the best behaved MP in the House. Jahbulon.


  3. 3
    Retard Factor says:

    yes, but was it a nokia?


  4. 4
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Gordon Brown was also handy at smashing office printers and other expensive machinery.

    But he hurled the British economy into a record recession.


  5. 5
    jgm2 says:

    Brown’s record would never have stood – he’d have failed a drug test.

    The economy-destroying bastard.


  6. 6
    SP4BS says:

    Poor old nokia. Missed the boat with smartphones and they’re in deep shit.


  7. 8
    Terry Nutkins says:

    Aww the gurning monkfish will be most upset…

    ps surprised no mention of #sniggergate here today


  8. 9
    Jimmy says:

    His fault was that he cared too much. It’s this sort of passion that’s missing from government nowadays.


    • 12
      jgm2 says:

      His fault was that he cared too much

      Too bad he didn’t care about anybody but his wicked and malicious self.


    • 13
      Gordon Quisling Brown says:

      Hahahahahaha, he cared so much about our gold that he announced the sale way in advance allowing traders to lower the market price, thus helping a fucking AMERICAN bank to avoid a financial meltdown. That is the behaviour of a fucking traitor IMHO.


    • 15
      Brown's bullshitting Corporation says:

      He let himself down with the likes of Balls, McBride and Draper. Self serving nasty cnuts.


    • 17
      smoggie says:

      I’ve fookin heard it all now.


      • 20
        jgm2 says:

        Occasionally he oversteps the bounds of bedwetter credibility and reveals himself as nothing but a wind-up merchant. 90% of the time it is just possible to believe that a bedwetter could be so head-fucked as to seriously generate that kind of output but then he just goes one iteration of idiocy too far.

        This is one of those times.


        • 23

          From the last thread, jgm2, my current car is a Toyota Landcruiser. Brilliant car and better than my Disco, I have to admit.

          I though it funny to have it in green. Lovely colour!


          • Anonymous says:

            Yeah, yeah we’ve heard about your poxy Landcruiser before, but under your other moniker of, ‘Can’t remember my minge.’


          • …said the site’s dispenser of lorem ipsum.


          • smoggie says:

            Nice one tat. Not.


          • Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

            Odd. Most of the Landcruisers in Surrey seem to be driven by 40 year old women, parked outside Guildford High and screaming ‘Get out now Primrose – I know you’re in the back somewhere’. Admittedly the real elite of the Mothers of Guildford have moved on to stretch Hummers.


        • 28
          Guardian reader says:

          So what if I wet the bed? I am better than you, I am more caring and I know that Ed Miliband can save this country and make us richer and more mutlicultural.

          I get my politics from Hadley Freeman’s twitter and Sally Bercow and Katherine Viner. Girl power. We all saw how the genetically superior mixed-race and black superpeople from Britain won more gold medals and thereby proved we need more immigrants to be rid forever of those awful ugly indigenous Brits.


        • 91
          Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

          What is it with this bedwetting fixation? I know Labour trolls have disgusting personal habits but it’s hardly appropriate for the average 85 year old incontinent member of the Conservatives to point the finger at this habit.


          • Jimmy says:

            You’re average rightie is a humourless soul. A joke is a rare event and if they come up with one they will beat it do death. Same with the whole Nokia meme. This is catnip to them. Has been for years.


          • just saying says:

            Rather a humourless rightie than a sanctimonious hypocrite who makes ridiculous sweeping generalisations.


          • smoggie says:

            True, true… everytime Jim comes online I have to strap up me chest to prevent my ribs cracking. You don’t get humour like that except perhaps on Labourlist which, as we all know, is a bag of laughs a minute.


          • jgm2 says:

            You’re never really sure something is needling the bedwetters. Until they try and tell you that it isn’t.



    • 46
      Elsie Beattie's commode says:

      Oh Jimmy, you are a caution, and your sense of humour has improved.
      Either that, or you’ve finally gone completely bonkers.


    • 50
      Rat's arse says:

      Seek medical help urgently Jimmy, you feckin flange.


    • 68
      Gonk says:

      Careful Jimmy, your inner idiot is showing through.


    • 76
      Engineer says:

      Brown may have cared too much, but he cared about the wrong things, unfortunately. He forgot that you can’t build social justice on a mountain of debt.


      • 119
        AC1 says:

        Social Justice is the opposite of justice, so in a way he did it. Favouring Debt rewards spenders and punishes savers, the opposite of justice.


  9. 10
    NotaSheep says:

    Only Nokias allowed? Mind you whilst a dropped iPhone (or other smartphone) is often a disaster, I’ve thrown old Nokias a fair way (in anger) and they’ve survived!


  10. 11
    filipinomonkey says:

    Does this explain his absence in the House of Commons? Tirelessly putting in house of practice determined to win back some of the gold, only to be beaten by a young Finn who must surely now have a glittering future in politics ahead of him…


  11. 19
    illogical says:

    Gordon’s modest efforts did include Sarah using it at the time


  12. 21
    Politically Correct says:


    Gordon only has one eye – he thus holds the Paralympic world record for mobile phone throwing. Still.


  13. 24

    Never thought I’d be defending Gordon Brown but today’s mobiles are much lighter and aerodynamic than they were during much of GB’s tenure in Downing Street. I’m sure that if it weren’t for his onerous duties attending House of Commons debates Brown would still be the record holder!


  14. 25

    He still holds the record for the longest amount of time employed in a senior position without attending or doing any work.

    712 days. Which is impressive even for an MP.

    Previous record was held by a nurse Jane Pilgrim who ‘worked’ for the NHS.
    She went 679 days without doing any proper work and would certainly have broken the record for employed unemployment if it hadn’t been for those meddling neo+guido kids.


    • 30
      jgm2 says:

      MP for Kirkcaldy is clearly a sinecure position for fuckwits.


      • 42
        Dick the Prick says:

        Be fair Sir, fuckwits are usually harmless twats like Chris Bryant or Dennis MacShame ,who spend all their days twittering utter bilge (and for some fucked up reason Politics Home pops them on the ticker tape) whereas Brown has just gone and personally harmed everyone in this country for personal gain and vanity. He’s not a fuckwit but his constituents are, as are the Labour party, as is Blair, the senior echelons of the civil service and anyone who was in close proximity to the lost wank and never shouted ‘hang on a mo’, you’re fucking mental’. Insanity conspired by the back room chambers of the heathen worshippers that is the Labour party. Gordon Brown’s just a pathetic man who bullied his way to the top and the scary thing is that no-one, not a fucking single one of them would stop him – kinda disgusting, really.


        • 47
          jgm2 says:

          Gordon Brown’s just a pathetic man who bullied his way to the top and the scary thing is that no-one, not a fucking single one of them would stop him – kinda disgusting, really.

          That is indeed the great tragedy. The Maximum Imbecile didn’t act alone. He could not have destroyed the UK economy without hundreds if not thousands of people who has first hand knowledge of his utter fucking insanity refusing to blow the whistle.


        • 63
          Jock McCock says:

          Spot on Dick.


    • 94
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      Sorry but he has a long way to go to get that record. Such numbers would be regarded as simply the beginning of a long career in IT or HR.


    • 136
      not a machine says:

      Is there a Chilterns one hundred and one ???


  15. 31
    Money tree says:

    Brown must have wished Eng cricket good luck sometime in the recent past.

    KP latest tweet – OMoney treenly suckers come second – ha ha


  16. 32
    Asil Nadir says:

    Leave Michael Mates out of this please.

    Thank you and good afternoon.


    • 95
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      Keep the faith Asil – Mates is up for Police Commissioner in Hampshire. He’ll soon have you out.


  17. 37
    Better late than never says:

    I posted this in an earlier thread this morning.


  18. 38
    A country of terrorists, rapists and pàedophiles says:

    In Pàkistan, an 11 year old christian girl with mental disabilities has been arrested by police for defacing pages of the koran. That’s right. A country known for training and harbouring terrorists has arrested a disabled child for scrawling on paper. But hey, look on the bright side! Another 20 thousand of them will be coming over to live here and draw benefits, and Dave will be giving them another 20 or 30 million in aid. Sunshine wins the day!


    • 56
      Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      That’s nothing Monglims have a habit of proudly using children as suicide bombers and human shields.

      There isn’t a brave Monglim male on the planet. I’d piss shit on them


      • 97
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        Either you have a remarkable evolutionary development or a very profound misunderstanding of human biology.


    • 124
      AC1 says:

      I wouldn’t mind 20,000 immigrants with up close knowledge of the religion of piss coming here.

      We could send 20,000 + of the taquiya spouting benefit leeches to p4kland in exchange.


  19. 39
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    On the Olympics broadcasts, it would have been something like: “Marvelous! Stupendous! Never seen anything like it…”[Well of course you haven’t, idiot, it’s only held in Finland!]”…one-hundred-one metres! Just to give you an idea, that’s a football pitch!”[Oh, you’re giving me ideas, mate, only of a quite different kind, involving another use for a Nokia and where it can be inserted.] “Not since the days of Paavo Nurmi have the Finns really excelled on the world stage as they do in this event!” [Showing off that you actually Googled “Finnish gold medalists” before the event.] “But they may have an advantage as far as distance throwing goes; they play a variation of baseball and are used to throwing objects a long way…” [Tell me when that information will prove useful in conversation, whydon’tcha?]


  20. 45
    Forkbender says:

    In that photo shop picture it looks as if Gordy trying strangle himself with that pasted medal cord while answering his mobile, 5/10 for use of photoshop


  21. 49
    Aunty Matter says:

    Brown threw his whilst getting bummed.


  22. 58
    ToonBob... says:

    Mad? He must be livid !


  23. 59
    Jack Straw's prediction says:

    Police have arrested a mentally disabled 11-year-old girl after a mob accused her of desecrating pages of the Koran.

    The mob demanded the Christian girl’s arrest and threatened to burn down Christian homes outside the capital Bradford, local media say.

    Officials said the girl could not properly answer police questions.

    Her parents have been taken into protective custody following threats and other Christian families have fled.

    It is thought that the girl has Down’s syndrome.


  24. 60
    DONE FOR DAVE (the shortest serving tory P M in history ) says:

    Did Gordon get his Gold for the “Eye jump” ?

    Must dash , got to make a list of friends and party donors who really deserve a gong this year
    fuck those athletic types they already have a medal

    Toodle Pip !


  25. 61
    Meanwhile says:

    A Muslim shop worker has been jailed after fraudulently trying to claim the £1m lottery winnings of an elderly woman in Manchester.
    Another thieving Muzzie fucker.


  26. 70
    Sarah Twat, the Twitty Tweeter says:

    Getting ready for GP March 2morrow – feel so sorry for those poor people what can’t have normal sex like what me and Gorod does.


    • 75
      Urea Lifter says:

      Have you considered reaching further, I’m sure you could find some pamphlets and instructional videos that might bring you closer together as you explore you sensations together.


  27. 72
    LoL says:

    I’m unable to find anything regards this video on the BBC website?
    Wonder if Ed Milliband has sent out tweet for people to name her?

    Content warning:


  28. 87
    Respec says:

    Respect Party MP George Galloway has attacked Sweden’s attempt to extradite WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange over sexual assault claims.


    • 88
      Anonymous says:

      Galloway has proved he has no Respect for women with his disgusting remarks.


      • 99
        Disrespect says:

        Galloway is just boasting he has managed to have sex more than once in the same twelve hour period with a snooze inbetween.


        • 107
          Do me a favour says:

          Have the authorities seized the bail money forfeited by Assange’s rich mates when he fled justice?
          Perhaps it could be donated to Rape Crisis Centres?


  29. 90
    Urea Lifter says:

    this moderation is as welcome as …
    a pin at a durex factory ..


  30. 96
    Saffron says:

    Nick Woods article in DM re: the Bullshit Broadcasting Corporation rings rather true.
    This bunch of left wing deniers are a disgrace to impartiality,and I for one don,t blame IDS for beeing peed off with their bias.
    The Guardian with their paid for ad,s usually left jobs paid for from the public purse are siamese twins to the Bullship Corporation.
    This so called unbiased national news corp, need taking in hand big time,IDS is correct in what he says,but will his Boss WAVY DAVY NO B—S do anything,well probably not.
    Action and Wavy are apparently not good bedfellows.


  31. 101
    Tony Scott says:



    • 104
      Urea Lifter says:

      career takes nose dive


      • 105
        Urea Lifter says:

        Tony Scott was a Great film maker and, although I did not know him I was totally impressed with what he did and surprised us with the work, sometimes comedy is how we deal with tragedy


        • 109
          Urea Lifter says:

          respond to rather than deal with


          • Urea Lifter says:

            I can imagine someone who has envisaged all scenarios deciding he didn’t want any of them, or to prove a point. I have stood on that cliff but pulled back. I admire the strength of will of Tony Scott


        • 137
          Anonymous says:

          I’m surprized Mr. “S. Cat ” hasn’t informed us of his intimate knowledge of Tony Scott, as he surely must have met him. He’s met everyone else by the looks of it.


          • Ha ha ha. Shit the bed, have we? You lot normally don’t get up until gone noon.

            I am somewhat older than the average windowlicker here so I have had the opportunity to meet more people in my time. I was going to say that I have never met any famous film directors but then realise that I met the Netherland’s top film maker at a restaurant on the Slovenian coast last year. Not famous in the UK of course so maybe it doesn’t count. Very interesting man and we exchanged emails afterwards, to pick up on our conversation which I reluctantly had to curtail due to a prior engagement.

            The fact that people are famous is of no concern to me. What matters is how they think. Therefore I treat them as normal people and they respond in kind.

            I do not expect Mr Anonymong, with his poor spelling, to understand that.


  32. 110
    Newsnight is shite says:

    Newsnight have had a major fuck up. Wheeling out two of Assange’s bonkers mates Galloway and Craig Murray, Murray goes and names one of the female victims live on air.

    So will plod now be investigating and doing some arrests? Had the woman been named on Twitter we know 500 fat idle smelly plods would be kicking some 15 years olds front door in at 4 am.

    Will plod take on the BBC?

    And why are all lefties total fucking mongs?


    • 113
      Psssst says:

      What is preventing the naming of these women in the UK? Is there an injunction? If so, why?


      • 117
        Socialist liberalism at it's finest says:

        Swedish law states that a woman can accuse a man of rape even after she had consented to have sex with him beforehand, and she can remain anonymous too.


      • 122
        Dead man found under a tree says:

        It’ something called the law, not that the left think the law applies to them


    • 134
      not a machine says:

      Still cant believe what he said about second sexual entry not being an offence if first one wasnt protested . I mean such matters arnt exactly in the grocer as an everyday 2 for 1 offer …….. I just cannot see how he explains it away as a clever legal point in politics , an I have got used to such things …..


  33. 121
    Anonymous says:

    This website is becoming truly desperate.

    Try the kosher pizza trick again.


    • 126
      AC1 says:

      Killing terrorists, so the west doesn’t have to.


    • 127
      ting a ling , taxi! says:

      Can you please leave your key as you exit the front door, if you find another blog that is better than truly desperate, please knock on this blogs door and someone will let you in and you can let us all know which one it is, it’s nice to compare, truly desperate
      and not so truly desperate.


  34. 128
    Trigger says:

    If your following Guido, then your well behind the BBC..


  35. 133
    not a machine says:

    Thats a gem of a post Guido .LOL

    mmm I take it MSM have given up reporting on EU as its so unrelaible , this morning it was capped bonds which paraded like a debutant , that was until it got badly rumbled when posed with the question how to reflect the economy it was applied to , (que Beguin Beguin melody) , strong denials then appeared of such a program (la, la la laaa ta da dah de dum) , and finished off with “senior EU diplomats now think grexit is managable” all this before MR Samaras sits down for Lunch with Mrs Merkel and Mr Hollande . What a jolly lunch that will be , SPECTRE does not tolerate failiure …….buzzzz ahhhhh

    Soviet swimming pools and other things : If by reason , (and I perhaps havent resolved my Donatist file system) then it is not so easy to confere into a political construct , but then how do you resolve the poor question and enquiry ?? Did our society once contain more of a living emodiement of good education , or just less debauched beliefs ?
    The cruel sea perhaps appealed over the noble mental meander , although Chap 5 , clarified matters somewhat , in such difficult matters about faith , the sceptic tank used to be somthing safely down the bottom of the garden , hard pressed ,asked not to fail despite deep continual assaults on what you know to be the necessary faith let alone the loss of a once common unspoken language , that alone emodied our national characture.
    Trying to love when these socialist crack pots have been in power feels like having be photographed with the worlds biggest gential wart : luncrative , celebrity but still somthing of a loss ….

    I dont know, what is suitable retribution for inculcating a whole generation with anti christian beliefs , till were all scared of the drugs and guns …….the Liberal democrats ?:)?


  36. 140
    Lou Scannon says:

    Apologies for linking to Censorship is Frequent but this guy’s views chime with mine :


    (OK, now disinfect your PC.)


    • 142
      Anonymous says:

      “…….and the greatest terrorist threat to world peace is none other than the United States, and it has the backing of the likes of eminent US intellectuals Noam Chomsky and William Blum, and the film director Oliver Stone.”

      And this idiot thinks quoting the names of these wankers will impress anybody ffs?


      • 145
        Lou Scannon says:

        That detail is less than impressive, it’s true. However, I reckon support for his views is swelling as more people start to see through the web of lies and deception that the US has created over the years.


        • 146
          Lou Scannon says:

          I suppose I should say ‘those who control the US’ rather than simply ‘the US’, seeing as how I recently emphasised a similar distinction between the EU and Europe.
          It’s so easy to fall into the trap of confusing the people with their masters.


  37. 141
    Gordon Brown says:

    I saved Peppa Pig World!


  38. 143
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    My Party will repay the donations received from Asil Nadir,because it’s the right thing to do.

    Believe that and you’ll believe anything.


  39. 148
    Lou Scannon says:

    It is a tad hypocritical of Hague to suggest that violating an embassy is the solution to a problem which is the consequence of mere accusations of violation elsewhere.


  40. 152
    Grollace says:

    101 Metres? What’s the paralympic record?


  41. 153

    Good to know about your blog i have visit and i am very inspired from your ideas It will be interesting to see what we learn about the use of mobile phones in the coming years.

    Big Button Mobile Phones


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