August 17th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Shark Attack Edition)


219 Comments

  1. 1
    Sizzla says:

    Clear blue water

    Like

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    “Cameron a big fish? Yeah and my cocks a bloater…”

    Like

    • 134
      Forkbender says:

      Shark to Boris, “Hey big boy, fancy a dip in my little tank, I’ll get my mates to join us”

      Like

  3. 3
    Jaws says:

    Tim Yeo looking pickled

    Like

  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    “Yeo waits for a cab with Boris”

    Like

    • 179
      LMFAO says:

      81lly, didn’t Guido say he wanted quality not quantity. I can send you the link again if you like.

      Like

  5. 5
    IanVisits says:

    Tiny Rowland’s ghost

    Like

  6. 6
    Cynic says:

    Believability of politics thrown into question as Shark jumps Boris.

    Like

  7. 8
    Antipo-dean says:

    “A picture of a vicious creature that circles its prey, showing itself to terrify its victim, before striking, and a shark.”

    Like

  8. 10
    Dogbyte says:

    Mayor involves Olympic legacy plan for dual use of aquatics centre.

    Like

  9. 11
    Matt says:

    Cold blooded and ruthless….plus a fish in a tank

    Like

  10. 13
    Mike Litorus says:

    Boris knew there was something fishy about Dave late night invitation to the aquarium, but couldn’t put his finger on it…

    Like

  11. 14
    Jesus H Christ says:

    Boris fails to walk on water

    Like

  12. 15
    We're going to need a bigger vote.. says:

    Ruthless predator smells blood in the water – and a shark…

    Like

  13. 16
    The Paragnostic says:

    Great White Hope meets Great White.

    Like

  14. 17
    keddaw says:

    I think that shark’s jumped the Boris.

    Like

  15. 18
    Kebab Time says:

    “Boris unveils new motivation device for forcing kids to take up swimming”

    Like

  16. 19
    Ken Lorp says:

    Cameron’s behind me, isn’t he?

    Like

  17. 20
    Malcolm Redfellow says:

    Finny and fatty

    Like

  18. 21
    Anonymous says:

    You’re gonna need a bigger boat.

    Like

  19. 22
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    The latest Damian Hirst!

    Like

  20. 23
    Jimmy says:

    Johnson finally had his invitation to Murdoch’s hollowed out volcano.

    Like

  21. 24
    Larry Bennett says:

    Blue shark: ”Yikes!…it’s a Great White!”

    Like

  22. 25
    Tom says:

    A beast, relentless in its pursuit of its next target… No, stop looking at your zip Boris, I meant the shark behind you!

    Like

  23. 26
    John Moss says:

    Hello Dave,

    Fancy a dip in my new pool?

    Like

  24. 27
    SP4BS says:

    Eh boris!
    Shouldn’t you be reducing your own emissions?

    Like

  25. 28
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Of course I’ll let David Cameron zip wire over the tank, I know just the wire to use.

    Like

  26. 29
    cumuluscognition says:

    Off-topic:

    Al-Beeb bogitry:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/19291164 [12:24]


    SA 21-0

    Strauss guides his second boundary of the innings off his legs, while a single takes the England skipper to 15. Cook has six.

    Obvoiusly being born Saffers is not as ‘correct’ as being a Somali-muzzie! Brits-they’s-not….

    Like

    • 37
      Anonymous says:

      Fuck off, this is a political blog.

      Like

      • 45
        cumuluscognition says:

        I knows dat innit: You obviously fink politics is a gaydar site.

        Sorry, son: You’re an arse-hole that no-one would poke. [Well; apart from Mandlesoehn!] ;)

        Like

      • 52
        Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

        No it fucking isnt anonymous, its a bar room where we can engage in blokey banter without facists like you trying to censor us. Please fuck off to the oxymoronic comment is free where they regularly censor comments they dont like as you will fit right in there.

        Like

      • 68
        cumuluscognition says:

        Demz Al-Beeb ‘ave fixed 12:34, but demz dummah den ah Labah’ politicians.


        1227:
        THE SUN IS OUT – SA 16-0

        As if aware that it’s Strauss’s 100th Test, the sun is beating down on the England skipper as he guides a two wide of gully.

        Who’d employ such left-wing feck-witz? [Apart from the mongs of Al-Beeb/Garuniad...]

        Like

  27. 30
    Shark says:

    I never swallow seamen

    Like

  28. 31

    “But Mr. Kim, I’m *not* Hans Brix!”

    Like

  29. 32
    Penfold says:

    In the spirit of Professional courtesy the Shark and Boris fail to make eye-contact………..

    Like

  30. 34
    Jamie Williams says:

    Boris has an idea. This being Boris though, it’s not a lightbulb that comes on, it’s a Shark…

    Like

  31. 35
    Kempston Interface says:

    “Boris Johnson and Damian McBride attended last night’s discussion at the ICA”

    Like

  32. 38
    Sniper says:

    Now, just the monorail for the complete set.

    Like

  33. 39
    Steve Miliband says:

    Le Fin

    Like

  34. 40
    ToryBook says:

    Noticing the trapdoor beneath him for the first time, Boris was now regretting accepting the invitation to visit Cameron at his top-secret aquatic lair.

    Like

  35. 41
    bill anderson says:

    Great White Shark visits aquarium.

    Like

  36. 42
    Steve Miliband says:

    Boris takes a holiday in Amity Island. What could possibly go wrong.

    Like

  37. 43
    Kebab Time says:

    “Months after the election and Ken still cant believe he lost”

    Like

  38. 46
    Toucan says:

    Don’t you just want to put that thing on the nose?

    Like

  39. 48
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    Fonzie jumped the shark. But the shark jumped Boris.

    Like

  40. 49
    Larry Bennett says:

    Shark: ”Hmm, my last meal was a Millepede.”

    Like

  41. 50
    annette curton says:

    Like

  42. 51
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Great White shark meets Great Right hope.

    Like

  43. 53
    The Shark says:

    It’s only out of professional courtesy that I don’t eat Boris

    Like

  44. 54
    Vladikavkaz says:

    The London Mayor and Speaker of the House pose for photos at the London Aquarium.

    Like

  45. 55
    Nullbymouth says:

    Seeing the shark approaching; BoJo tries to make like a squid and eject a sticky liquid that will cloud the water, but he remembers he shot his bolt earlier.

    Like

  46. 56
    Vladikavkaz says:

    Not one of the invited press were surprised when the Boris failed to cast a reflection on the glass tank behind him.

    Like

  47. 57
    Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

    Oh Fuck Kate Nash is now on SKY news jumping on the Pussy-wagon, Im sure her appearance has got absolutely fuck all to do with the fact that shes not had a hit for a few years now and her career is in free fall. Oh fuck no !

    Like

  48. 58

    Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay…

    Like

  49. 59
    Dr Evil says:

    Are stupid, I said fricking sharks with laser beams on their heads !

    Like

  50. 60
    Nullbymouth says:

    One has not evolved much since prehistoric times, and the other is a big fish

    Like

  51. 61
    Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

    Caption contest :

    I thought Ken said he would retire from Politics if he lost the Mayoral election. So why is he still hanging around trying to get a photo op with Boris ?

    Like

  52. 62
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Great White papped with naked Nurse!

    Like

  53. 63

    “I said I wanted frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.”

    Like

  54. 64
    annette curton says:

    “Usual rules apply”, there aren’t any are there?.

    Like

  55. 66
    Gonk says:

    Boris offers commiserations and belated gift to Ken.

    Like

  56. 67

    Yes, I am aware that the Ecuadorian embassy have ordered from a fancy dress shop. However the Met and I remain ever vigilante!”

    Like

  57. 69
    Non-Nephilim says:

    Boris’s poker night goes wrong when card shark appears.

    Like

  58. 70
    Man on Clapham Omnibus says:

    The episode where the shark jumped the Boris

    Like

  59. 71
    Anti Fabian says:

    Just when you thought it was safe to go back into London …

    Like

  60. 73
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Reports are that Boris was heard to be singing:
    “…[J]ust a jackknife has our MacHeath, dear,
    And he keeps it out of sight…”

    Like

  61. 74
    Henry Crun says:

    And tell that fucking cellist to stop it.

    Like

  62. 75
    Fairly weak says:

    “Just when you thought it was safe to let out your daughter”

    Like

  63. 76
    annette curton says:

    Porbeagle shark shock win for new Mayor of London.

    Like

  64. 77
    Roundell says:

    man eater meets a woman eater – both of them fathering many children

    Like

  65. 78
    Captain Haddock says:

    Not tonight darling. I’ve got a head hake.

    Like

  66. 79
    BoJo says:

    mmm, a smell reminiscent of anchovy, I think I would

    Like

  67. 80
    Nullbymouth says:

    After being found out by the populace the remora attempt to attach itself to a passing shark

    Like

  68. 81
    Nullbymouth says:

    Boris discovers that clear blue is not just a pregnancy testing device

    Like

  69. 82

    Men’s 4×100 freestyle relay false start.

    Like

  70. 83
    Shrink says:

    … and when I say ‘Ken Livingston’ what’s the first thing that comes to mind Boris?

    Like

  71. 84
    Off Topic Crazy Sexy Swedish Girls says:

    Like

  72. 85
    Baldy says:

    Anyone else think there’s some fishy shit going on?

    Like

  73. 86
    Maximus says:

    One is a ruthless opportunist with a voracious appetite basking in the limelightmeal. The other is a shark.

    Like

  74. 87
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Where was last week’s winner announced and what was it?

    Like

  75. 89
    Ah! Monika says:

    Did Boris win last week’s Jura?

    Like

  76. 93
    Ah! Monika says:

    Damian Hurst’s next project!

    Like

  77. 95
    Kav says:

    “If it loses the Finns then hopefully the whole bloody thing will sink!”

    Like

  78. 96
    Sir William Waad says:

    Shark: “My client has drawn to my attention certain defamatory assertions made about him on this ‘blog’……..

    Like

  79. 97
    Esther R says:

    I’ll write an article about it in the Daily Mail. I need the attention and the money.

    Like

  80. 98
    Ah! Monika says:

    £8.4 billion Loan Shark

    Like

  81. 100

    Shark: If you think you’re going to get me to pop out of a VW camper with a 90s DJ strapped to my back for the Paralympics opening ceremony, you’ve got another thing coming, Boris.

    Like

  82. 101
    Sir William Waad says:

    Boris: “Pistrix! Pistrix!”

    Like

  83. 102
    Ah! Monika says:

    Neither of them pussyfoot around.

    Like

  84. 104
    Ah! Monika says:

    Sharking Blond.

    Like

  85. 105
    Willer says:

    “There’s more chance of me being sabered with a shark fin than there is of me becoming PM…”

    Like

  86. 106
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Sushi? If I can have a decent plateful!” spluttered Boris.

    Like

    • 114
      Baldy says:

      Yes, we all know there’s hardly anything Boris likes better than really fresh sushi. Ah, the smell of the ocean!

      Like

  87. 107
    Non-Nephilim says:

    A fish discovers something of even less use than a bicycle….

    Like

  88. 108
    Ah! Monika says:

    Boris attracts the floating voter.

    Like

  89. 109
    Ah! Monika says:

    Monster emerges from the bottom of the pool.

    Like

  90. 110
    Baldy says:

    MSM: “Do you like fishsticks?”

    Boris: “Yes, I do like fishsticks.”

    MSM: “Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?”

    Boris: “Oi! You can tell that shark to bugger off! I watch South Park too.”

    Like

  91. 111
    Backwoodsman says:

    Cover of new book , ‘101 Ways to Solve the Livingstone Problem’.

    Like

  92. 112
    illogical says:

    Somethings outta plaice

    Like

  93. 113
    Ah! Monika says:

    This is the dawning of the age of Aquarium

    HAIR.

    Like

  94. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Boris introduces new spin-doctor and claims Cameron has nothing to worry about.

    Like

  95. 116
    Gonk says:

    A startling new Iranian scientific investigation reveals supersize home aquariums indicate early onset megalomania.
    Discussion with Ken Livingstone, tonight at 8.

    Like

  96. 117
    Ah! Monika says:

    Shark Head (qv)

    Like

  97. 118
    a non says:

    The Jéwel of denial

    Like

  98. 119
    Ah! Monika says:

    One of them is tanked; the other’s not going far.

    Like

  99. 120
    a non says:

    Whitebait?

    Like

  100. 121
    Ah! Monika says:

    Bloody hell, it’s only £12 on Amazon.

    Like

  101. 123
    Ah! Monika says:

    One of them make babies powder.

    Like

  102. 124
    ToryMember says:

    My bite is worse than my shark, ummm sorry, bark…

    Like

  103. 125
    Anonymous says:

    Hammerhead visits aquarium.

    Like

  104. 126
    Anonymous says:

    On spotting his nemesis, Dave goes a little green around the gills.

    Like

  105. 128
    Uncle Rupert says:

    When sharks encounter Boris Johnson they are taught to remain calm and slowly swim away.

    Like

  106. 129
    The Ancient Mysteries of The 69th Degree says:

    Boris, already prepared in statutory black suit and black tie, is somewhat alarmed to find that the initiation ceremony for his next masonic degree involves Carcharadon carcharias crapping on his head!

    Like

  107. 130
    Bonkers Bryn says:

    Boris takes sharking lessons after latest mistress dumps him

    Like

  108. 131
    tauntonian says:

    Better Jaws’ jaws than iggle-piggle

    Like

  109. 132
    Bill Quango MP says:

    50 sharks of grey

    Like

  110. 133
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Boris to Dave.

    “we’re gona need a bigger vote”

    Like

  111. 135
    Toffs At Play says:

    A spiffing Bullingdon food fight get’s out of hand as a lobbed Great White narowly misses future PM’s head!

    Like

  112. 136
    An Englishman says:

    It’s pretty rough when a pigeon or seagull craps on your head, but sharkshit gives you a bad hair day that lasts all week.

    Like

  113. 137
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I’m the mayor of Shark City.

    Like

  114. 138
    Guido Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Fawkes says:

    My obsession with Boris continues.

    Like

  115. 139
    Bill Quango MP says:

    … I’m very pleased my good friend Rupert Murdoch was able to join me here at the velodrome …

    Like

  116. 140
    Cap'n Nemo says:

    Boris, fearless as ever takes a look around under Southend Pier without a diving suit, to better acquaint himself with where the airport is going.

    Like

  117. 141
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Ken?
    He won’t run again. Not with three barrels in him he won’t

    Like

  118. 142
    007 says:

    “No Mr Johnson, I expect you to die” says Dr Dave from his Spainish villa

    Like

  119. 145
    SimonG says:

    Boris unveils the new security system planned for Boris Island

    Like

  120. 146
    Taxi? says:

    We’ve been expecting you Mr Blond.

    Like

  121. 148
    Bill Quango MP says:

    ..it’s a great white. Or for the BBC journalists..a larger than median piscine Caucasian .

    Like

  122. 149
    BobRoberts says:

    No, Mr Blond, I expect you to DIE.

    Like

  123. 150
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    The Great White is in an aquarium for safe keeping. After all, it may soon be the last white in multi-culti London.

    Like

  124. 151
    Bill Quango MP says:

    no one has seen him. ..The last sighting was of him leaving a house in London over two years ago….. We’ve looked everywhere else…. Gordon Brown must be in there..

    Like

  125. 152
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Well, bless my soul, Tom Watson! How the devil are you?

    Like

  126. 153
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Does Boris like all the political pygmies in Britain finally start to realise that there is a newer breed of the well informed circling them – waiting to bite their heads off?

    Like

  127. 154
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    David Cameron in his tight fitting speedo’s sneaks up behind Boris and ….MUNCH
    never turn your back on Cameron

    Like

  128. 157
    pablo says:

    Boris wasn’t sure if this late addition to the Australian water Polo team was within the rules

    Like

  129. 158
    Angler Dangle says:

    [Overheard at a disco]
    Mine’s a stunner but I don’t think much of jaws.

    Like

  130. 160
    idonotbelieveit says:

    Flabby flounder in close call with one eyed monster

    Like

  131. 161
    John A says:

    Basking Boris

    Like

  132. 162
    illogical says:

    Maneater meets Womaneater.- Goblin Shark greets Spermwhale.

    Like

  133. 163
    Sarky says:

    Boris, I said we needed a quorum for the London assembly .

    Like

  134. 167
    Sharky says:

    -

    Its cool being a shark.

    Hm –wonder who that twat is.

    Like

  135. 168
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    “Boris, Boris, there’s a shark behind you.”
    Says Boris, – “Makes a change from a newt”

    Like

  136. 169
    Anonymous says:

    Boris began to regret his call for survival of the fittest.

    Like

  137. 170
    Anonymous says:

    Dave told me to follow the smell of pussy……………..

    Like

  138. 171
    johnwardmedway says:

    Boris: “Whaddya mean, someone with an even bigger mouth than mine has just arrived?”

    Like

  139. 172
    johnwardmedway says:

    Boris: “That’s not what I meant when I said I want some Finns here to illustrate the coming breakup of the Eurozone!”

    Like

  140. 173
    M says:

    Boris shows off new office shredder

    Like

  141. 174
    Boris says:

    Meet Snappy, he’s our new Olympic swimming coach.

    Like

  142. 175
    johnwardmedway says:

    The new member of the Greater London Assembly is fully behind the Mayor – and, unlike the rest of the GLA, it’s really got teeth…

    Like

  143. 176
    EC1 PhD says:

    Billions of blue blistering bicycles!

    Like

  144. 177
  145. 178
    daveyone1 says:

    I think the future UKIP Mayor of London makes an appearence!

    Like

  146. 181
    The Daily Miracle says:

    Shark shit has amazing likeness to Boris.

    Like

  147. 182
    The Daily Miracle says:

    Boris holds his breath longer than a shark.

    Like

  148. 183
    The Daily Miracle says:

    Boris holds fish supper with Bob Crow

    Like

  149. 184
    johnwardmedway says:

    Boris: “When I asked for a celebrity photo-op with Jaws, I actually meant the Bond movie actor Richard Kiel…”

    Like

  150. 186
    election watcher says:

    I am more likely to be eaten by a shark than I am to become the Leader of the Conservative Party.

    Like

  151. 187
    RogerT says:

    Shark: If he turns round, I’m fucked…

    Like

  152. 188

    The bloody things are supposed to be circling Cameron not Boris :-)

    Like

  153. 191

    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    A Shark!

    A Shark Who?

    A shark who just ate your Party and now I’m going to eat you!

    Like

  154. 193
    Sniper says:

    So, Mr Leader, I expect you are curious as to why I had you brought here.

    Like

  155. 194

    …it seems the mystery of the disappearance of the Polish competitor in the 400m butterfly has been solved..

    Like

  156. 195

    Boris assures regulators that despite Libor fixing, miss-selling of PPI, Sub-primes, sanction busting, and endowment mortgage scams.. The City of London is not a loan shark’s playground.

    Like

    • 206
      Blowing Whistles says:

      I might add- and not the centre of the worlds money laundering markets for the past 6 decades and more – a well known trick used by the US and UK’s financial usury practicing vultures.

      Like

  157. 196
    Lord Peter Whimsical of Foy says:

    Have you got fish fingers?

    ..erm no. Just a new intern .

    Like

  158. 197
    Hector says:

    David Attenborough “Here we see a creature lurching from the bowels of the right, looking for its next prey seeking a higher place in the deep blue, scoffling as it moves, if it stops it dies…oh and there’s a shark!”

    Like

  159. 198
    Itzman says:

    “Socialism is just like a shark. There you are, swimming happily in clear blue water, and something grabs you by the balls and chews them off, and the next thing you know the water’s turned red, and it goodnight, Vienna.”

    Like

  160. 205
    Enemy of the State says:

    Is that Baron Barracuda with Boris or a banker in the tank?

    Like

    • 209
      Enemy of the State says:

      Is that Baron Barracuda with Boris or a banker in the tank?

      @ 5:50 the banker moves in

      Like

  161. 207
    Johann Hákarl says:

    Shark : I know when I’m stuffed.

    Like

  162. 208
    Biff says:

    Good evening Mr Bond. My name is Ernst Stavro Blofeld….

    Like

  163. 212
    Fish Supper says:

    Creature from the Blue Lagoon

    Like

  164. 213
    gman says:

    Do you expect me to walk?
    No, Mr. Cameron. I expect you to die.

    Like

  165. 214
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Boris – Finally Twigs!!! and the ‘bubble’ above his head reveals what he realises about Murdoch!!!

    Like

  166. 215
    Pundit Too. says:

    Boris- “There is no blood in the political water-YET”

    Like

  167. 216
    mrjohn says:

    Sorry, shark for brains?

    Like

  168. 217
    Howard Roark says:

    Baws

    Like

  169. 218
    evad666 says:

    Boris Johnson tells David Cameron to ‘stop pussyfooting around’ and fix the economy. Or else you can swim for it.

    Like

  170. 219
    cromwellsghost says:

    Arnie this is how low the new chair lift goes

    Like


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