Friday Caption Contest (Shark Attack Edition)
This week there is a copy of Dan Hannan’s book “A Doomed Marriage: Britain and Europe” up for grabs.
Usual rules apply…
UKIP Pros and Cons | Allister Heath
“The Double Income No Kids Existence” | Alex Deane
David Nicholson to Quit NHS Next Year | HSJ
We Don’t Have Gatsby-esque Inequality | Tim Worstall
Dave Will Still Win in 2015 | Toby Young
Activists Should Ignore the Sneerers | Jacob Rees-Mogg
NHS Can Kill Tories | James Kirkup
Dave Lets Labour Take Credit For Gay Marriage | FT
UKIP Set to Out-Poll Tories | Telegraph
UKIP Spokesperson Slaps Down BBC | The Commentator
Tobin Distanced Himself From Robin Hood Tax Protesters | FT
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Lord Tebbit has his say on ‘aggressive homosexuals’:
“Why shouldn’t a mother marry her daughter? Why shouldn’t two elderly sisters living together marry each other? I quite fancy my brother!”
Ah! Monika says:
Google-eyed-Dave
Clear blue water
Totty Watch!
FFS, your nose is even longer than mine!!!
Do you like my new hat?
Boris starts to foresee circumstances…
.
..
boris….the next damien hirst.
He is one creative dude!
Boris unveils new training scheme for Team GB’s useless swimmers
Corrr Im certainly going to jump on the Pussy-wagon
Cock Riot!
Go Putin!!!
On seeing the deep blue water, Boris immediately fell in.
.
.
Boris reveals the shark within.
Always start by giving your politician a really good scare – they taste much better when they’re not full of shit
.
.
only Boris is bothered to keep the Olympic flame alive. a good man.
Damien Hirst causes more outrage with his most revoltingly attention seeking exhibit yet…
Ass/assassin assignation.
Can’t think of anything. I just want the book.
Boris and Dave both fell into this shark infested tank but remained unharmed by shouting “We will hold an in/out Referendum on the EU after the next election”
NOT EVEN A SHARK WOULD SWALLOW THAT BULLSHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Cameron a big fish? Yeah and my cocks a bloater…”
Shark to Boris, “Hey big boy, fancy a dip in my little tank, I’ll get my mates to join us”
Tim Yeo looking pickled
“Yeo waits for a cab with Boris”
81lly, didn’t Guido say he wanted quality not quantity. I can send you the link again if you like.
Tiny Rowland’s ghost
Believability of politics thrown into question as Shark jumps Boris.
We have a winner!
+1
“A picture of a vicious creature that circles its prey, showing itself to terrify its victim, before striking, and a shark.”
Mayor involves Olympic legacy plan for dual use of aquatics centre.
Cold blooded and ruthless….plus a fish in a tank
Boris knew there was something fishy about Dave late night invitation to the aquarium, but couldn’t put his finger on it…
Boris fails to walk on water
Ruthless predator smells blood in the water – and a shark…
Great White Hope meets Great White.
I think that shark’s jumped the Boris.
“Boris unveils new motivation device for forcing kids to take up swimming”
.
.
shark travel, when there is no alternative.
Cameron’s behind me, isn’t he?
Finny and fatty
You’re gonna need a bigger boat.
The latest Damian Hirst!
Johnson finally had his invitation to Murdoch’s hollowed out volcano.
Blue shark: ”Yikes!…it’s a Great White!”
A beast, relentless in its pursuit of its next target… No, stop looking at your zip Boris, I meant the shark behind you!
Hello Dave,
Fancy a dip in my new pool?
Eh boris!
Shouldn’t you be reducing your own emissions?
Of course I’ll let David Cameron zip wire over the tank, I know just the wire to use.
Off-topic:
Al-Beeb bogitry:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/19291164 [12:24]
SA 21-0
Strauss guides his second boundary of the innings off his legs, while a single takes the England skipper to 15. Cook has six.
Obvoiusly being born Saffers is not as ‘correct’ as being a Somali-muzzie! Brits-they’s-not….
Fuck off, this is a political blog.
I knows dat innit: You obviously fink politics is a gaydar site.
Sorry, son: You’re an arse-hole that no-one would poke. [Well; apart from Mandlesoehn!]
No it fucking isnt anonymous, its a bar room where we can engage in blokey banter without facists like you trying to censor us. Please fuck off to the oxymoronic comment is free where they regularly censor comments they dont like as you will fit right in there.
Demz Al-Beeb ‘ave fixed 12:34, but demz dummah den ah Labah’ politicians.
1227:
THE SUN IS OUT – SA 16-0
As if aware that it’s Strauss’s 100th Test, the sun is beating down on the England skipper as he guides a two wide of gully.
Who’d employ such left-wing feck-witz? [Apart from the mongs of Al-Beeb/Garuniad...]
I never swallow seamen
“But Mr. Kim, I’m *not* Hans Brix!”
In the spirit of Professional courtesy the Shark and Boris fail to make eye-contact………..
Boris has an idea. This being Boris though, it’s not a lightbulb that comes on, it’s a Shark…
“Boris Johnson and Damian McBride attended last night’s discussion at the ICA”
Now, just the monorail for the complete set.
Le Fin
Noticing the trapdoor beneath him for the first time, Boris was now regretting accepting the invitation to visit Cameron at his top-secret aquatic lair.
Great White Shark visits aquarium.
Boris takes a holiday in Amity Island. What could possibly go wrong.
“Months after the election and Ken still cant believe he lost”
Don’t you just want to put that thing on the nose?
*punch*
bugger
Sharkist!
Fonzie jumped the shark. But the shark jumped Boris.
Shark: ”Hmm, my last meal was a Millepede.”
That one’s for Cleggers!
Great White shark meets Great Right hope.
It’s only out of professional courtesy that I don’t eat Boris
The London Mayor and Speaker of the House pose for photos at the London Aquarium.
Seeing the shark approaching; BoJo tries to make like a squid and eject a sticky liquid that will cloud the water, but he remembers he shot his bolt earlier.
Not one of the invited press were surprised when the Boris failed to cast a reflection on the glass tank behind him.
Oh Fuck Kate Nash is now on SKY news jumping on the Pussy-wagon, Im sure her appearance has got absolutely fuck all to do with the fact that shes not had a hit for a few years now and her career is in free fall. Oh fuck no !
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay…
Are stupid, I said fricking sharks with laser beams on their heads !
One has not evolved much since prehistoric times, and the other is a big fish
Caption contest :
I thought Ken said he would retire from Politics if he lost the Mayoral election. So why is he still hanging around trying to get a photo op with Boris ?
Great White papped with naked Nurse!
“I said I wanted frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.”
“Usual rules apply”, there aren’t any are there?.
Yeah … who won last weeks contest?
Boris offers commiserations and belated gift to Ken.
Yes, I am aware that the Ecuadorian embassy have ordered from a fancy dress shop. However the Met and I remain ever vigilante!”
Boris’s poker night goes wrong when card shark appears.
The episode where the shark jumped the Boris
Winner!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into London …
Reports are that Boris was heard to be singing:
“…[J]ust a jackknife has our MacHeath, dear,
And he keeps it out of sight…”
And tell that fucking cellist to stop it.
“Just when you thought it was safe to let out your daughter”
Porbeagle shark shock win for new Mayor of London.
man eater meets a woman eater – both of them fathering many children
Not tonight darling. I’ve got a head hake.
mmm, a smell reminiscent of anchovy, I think I would
After being found out by the populace the remora attempt to attach itself to a passing shark
Boris discovers that clear blue is not just a pregnancy testing device
your welcome
Men’s 4×100 freestyle relay false start.
Must do better.
Thanks. Canada Dry, please.
… and when I say ‘Ken Livingston’ what’s the first thing that comes to mind Boris?
Must feed the goldfish the remains
Anyone else think there’s some fishy shit going on?
One is a ruthless opportunist with a voracious appetite basking in the limelightmeal. The other is a shark.
Where was last week’s winner announced and what was it?
Don’t ask to many questions
Damian Hurst’s next project.
Did Boris win last week’s Jura?
Damian Hurst’s next project!
“If it loses the Finns then hopefully the whole bloody thing will sink!”
Shark: “My client has drawn to my attention certain defamatory assertions made about him on this ‘blog’……..
I’ll write an article about it in the Daily Mail. I need the attention and the money.
Too late.
Now THAT is funny.
Feck off back to the New Forest and tell some more porky pies to the residents of Hampshire & Dorset.
but my public adores me and pleads that I write more sensible articles on my views on life.
are Esther and Sally Bercow one and the same?
£8.4 billion Loan Shark
Shark: If you think you’re going to get me to pop out of a VW camper with a 90s DJ strapped to my back for the Paralympics opening ceremony, you’ve got another thing coming, Boris.
Boris: “Pistrix! Pistrix!”
Neither of them pussyfoot around.
Sharking Blond.
“There’s more chance of me being sabered with a shark fin than there is of me becoming PM…”
“Sushi? If I can have a decent plateful!” spluttered Boris.
Yes, we all know there’s hardly anything Boris likes better than really fresh sushi. Ah, the smell of the ocean!
A fish discovers something of even less use than a bicycle….
Boris attracts the floating voter.
Monster emerges from the bottom of the pool.
MSM: “Do you like fishsticks?”
Boris: “Yes, I do like fishsticks.”
MSM: “Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?”
Boris: “Oi! You can tell that shark to bugger off! I watch South Park too.”
Cover of new book , ’101 Ways to Solve the Livingstone Problem’.
Somethings outta plaice
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarium
HAIR.
Boris introduces new spin-doctor and claims Cameron has nothing to worry about.
A startling new Iranian scientific investigation reveals supersize home aquariums indicate early onset megalomania.
Discussion with Ken Livingstone, tonight at 8.
Shark Head (qv)
Go figure!
The Jéwel of denial
One of them is tanked; the other’s not going far.
Whitebait?
Bloody hell, it’s only £12 on Amazon.
One of them make babies powder.
My bite is worse than my shark, ummm sorry, bark…
Hammerhead visits aquarium.
On spotting his nemesis, Dave goes a little green around the gills.
Jura sick parking
When sharks encounter Boris Johnson they are taught to remain calm and slowly swim away.
Boris, already prepared in statutory black suit and black tie, is somewhat alarmed to find that the initiation ceremony for his next masonic degree involves Carcharadon carcharias crapping on his head!
Boris takes sharking lessons after latest mistress dumps him
Better Jaws’ jaws than iggle-piggle
50 sharks of grey
Boris to Dave.
“we’re gona need a bigger vote”
A spiffing Bullingdon food fight get’s out of hand as a lobbed Great White narowly misses future PM’s head!
It’s pretty rough when a pigeon or seagull craps on your head, but sharkshit gives you a bad hair day that lasts all week.
I’m the mayor of Shark City.
My obsession with Boris continues.
… I’m very pleased my good friend Rupert Murdoch was able to join me here at the velodrome …
Boris, fearless as ever takes a look around under Southend Pier without a diving suit, to better acquaint himself with where the airport is going.
Ken?
He won’t run again. Not with three barrels in him he won’t
“No Mr Johnson, I expect you to die” says Dr Dave from his Spainish villa
Boris unveils the new security system planned for Boris Island
We’ve been expecting you Mr Blond.
Oh fuck , I was hoping for pussy galore
..it’s a great white. Or for the BBC journalists..a larger than median piscine Caucasian .
No, Mr Blond, I expect you to DIE.
The Great White is in an aquarium for safe keeping. After all, it may soon be the last white in multi-culti London.
no one has seen him. ..The last sighting was of him leaving a house in London over two years ago….. We’ve looked everywhere else…. Gordon Brown must be in there..
Well, bless my soul, Tom Watson! How the devil are you?
Does Boris like all the political pygmies in Britain finally start to realise that there is a newer breed of the well informed circling them – waiting to bite their heads off?
David Cameron in his tight fitting speedo’s sneaks up behind Boris and ….MUNCH
never turn your back on Cameron
Boris wasn’t sure if this late addition to the Australian water Polo team was within the rules
[Overheard at a disco]
Mine’s a stunner but I don’t think much of jaws.
Flabby flounder in close call with one eyed monster
Basking Boris
Maneater meets Womaneater.- Goblin Shark greets Spermwhale.
Manatee meets sharkatee?
Boris, I said we needed a quorum for the London assembly .
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Its cool being a shark.
Hm –wonder who that twat is.
“Boris, Boris, there’s a shark behind you.”
Says Boris, – “Makes a change from a newt”
Boris began to regret his call for survival of the fittest.
Dave told me to follow the smell of pussy……………..
Boris: “Whaddya mean, someone with an even bigger mouth than mine has just arrived?”
Boris: “That’s not what I meant when I said I want some Finns here to illustrate the coming breakup of the Eurozone!”
Boris shows off new office shredder
Meet Snappy, he’s our new Olympic swimming coach.
The new member of the Greater London Assembly is fully behind the Mayor – and, unlike the rest of the GLA, it’s really got teeth…
Billions of blue blistering bicycles!
Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
I think the future UKIP Mayor of London makes an appearence!
Shark shit has amazing likeness to Boris.
Boris holds his breath longer than a shark.
Boris holds fish supper with Bob Crow
Boris: “When I asked for a celebrity photo-op with Jaws, I actually meant the Bond movie actor Richard Kiel…”
I am more likely to be eaten by a shark than I am to become the Leader of the Conservative Party.
Shark: If he turns round, I’m fucked…
The bloody things are supposed to be circling Cameron not Boris
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
A Shark!
A Shark Who?
A shark who just ate your Party and now I’m going to eat you!
So, Mr Leader, I expect you are curious as to why I had you brought here.
…it seems the mystery of the disappearance of the Polish competitor in the 400m butterfly has been solved..
Boris assures regulators that despite Libor fixing, miss-selling of PPI, Sub-primes, sanction busting, and endowment mortgage scams.. The City of London is not a loan shark’s playground.
I might add- and not the centre of the worlds money laundering markets for the past 6 decades and more – a well known trick used by the US and UK’s financial usury practicing vultures.
Have you got fish fingers?
..erm no. Just a new intern .
David Attenborough “Here we see a creature lurching from the bowels of the right, looking for its next prey seeking a higher place in the deep blue, scoffling as it moves, if it stops it dies…oh and there’s a shark!”
“Socialism is just like a shark. There you are, swimming happily in clear blue water, and something grabs you by the balls and chews them off, and the next thing you know the water’s turned red, and it goodnight, Vienna.”
Is that Baron Barracuda with Boris or a banker in the tank?
Is that Baron Barracuda with Boris or a banker in the tank?
@ 5:50 the banker moves in
Shark : I know when I’m stuffed.
Good evening Mr Bond. My name is Ernst Stavro Blofeld….
Creature from the Blue Lagoon
Do you expect me to walk?
No, Mr. Cameron. I expect you to die.
Boris – Finally Twigs!!! and the ‘bubble’ above his head reveals what he realises about Murdoch!!!
Boris- “There is no blood in the political water-YET”
Sorry, shark for brains?
Baws
Boris Johnson tells David Cameron to ‘stop pussyfooting around’ and fix the economy. Or else you can swim for it.
Arnie this is how low the new chair lift goes