August 17th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Shark Attack Edition)


  1. 1
    Sizzla says:

    Clear blue water

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    “Cameron a big fish? Yeah and my cocks a bloater…”

  3. 3
    Jaws says:

    Tim Yeo looking pickled

  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    “Yeo waits for a cab with Boris”

  5. 5
    IanVisits says:

    Tiny Rowland’s ghost

  6. 6
    Cynic says:

    Believability of politics thrown into question as Shark jumps Boris.

  7. 7
    Guido Fawkes in the closet says:

    Totty Watch!

  8. 8
    Antipo-dean says:

    “A picture of a vicious creature that circles its prey, showing itself to terrify its victim, before striking, and a shark.”

  9. 9
    The Paragnostic says:

    On seeing the deep blue water, Boris immediately fell in.

  10. 10
    Dogbyte says:

    Mayor involves Olympic legacy plan for dual use of aquatics centre.

  11. 11
    Matt says:

    Cold blooded and ruthless….plus a fish in a tank

  12. 12
    Anti-semitic shark says:

    FFS, your nose is even longer than mine!!!

  13. 13
    Mike Litorus says:

    Boris knew there was something fishy about Dave late night invitation to the aquarium, but couldn’t put his finger on it…

  14. 14
    Jesus H Christ says:

    Boris fails to walk on water

  15. 15
    We're going to need a bigger vote.. says:

    Ruthless predator smells blood in the water – and a shark…

  16. 16
    The Paragnostic says:

    Great White Hope meets Great White.

  17. 17
    keddaw says:

    I think that shark’s jumped the Boris.

  18. 18
    Kebab Time says:

    “Boris unveils new motivation device for forcing kids to take up swimming”

  19. 19
    Ken Lorp says:

    Cameron’s behind me, isn’t he?

  20. 20
    Malcolm Redfellow says:

    Finny and fatty

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    You’re gonna need a bigger boat.

  22. 22
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    The latest Damian Hirst!

  23. 23
    Jimmy says:

    Johnson finally had his invitation to Murdoch’s hollowed out volcano.

  24. 24
    Larry Bennett says:

    Blue shark: ”Yikes!…it’s a Great White!”

  25. 25
    Tom says:

    A beast, relentless in its pursuit of its next target… No, stop looking at your zip Boris, I meant the shark behind you!

  26. 26
    John Moss says:

    Hello Dave,

    Fancy a dip in my new pool?

  27. 27
    SP4BS says:

    Eh boris!
    Shouldn’t you be reducing your own emissions?

  28. 28
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Of course I’ll let David Cameron zip wire over the tank, I know just the wire to use.

  29. 29
    cumuluscognition says:


    Al-Beeb bogitry: [12:24]

    SA 21-0

    Strauss guides his second boundary of the innings off his legs, while a single takes the England skipper to 15. Cook has six.

    Obvoiusly being born Saffers is not as ‘correct’ as being a Somali-muzzie! Brits-they’s-not….

  30. 30
    Shark says:

    I never swallow seamen

  31. 31

    “But Mr. Kim, I’m *not* Hans Brix!”

  32. 32
    Penfold says:

    In the spirit of Professional courtesy the Shark and Boris fail to make eye-contact………..

  33. 33
    Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

    Corrr Im certainly going to jump on the Pussy-wagon

  34. 34
    Jamie Williams says:

    Boris has an idea. This being Boris though, it’s not a lightbulb that comes on, it’s a Shark…

  35. 35
    Kempston Interface says:

    “Boris Johnson and Damian McBride attended last night’s discussion at the ICA”

  36. 36
    Clear Blue Water says:

    Damien Hirst causes more outrage with his most revoltingly attention seeking exhibit yet…

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Fuck off, this is a political blog.

  38. 38
    Sniper says:

    Now, just the monorail for the complete set.

  39. 39
    Steve Miliband says:

    Le Fin

  40. 40
    ToryBook says:

    Noticing the trapdoor beneath him for the first time, Boris was now regretting accepting the invitation to visit Cameron at his top-secret aquatic lair.

  41. 41
    bill anderson says:

    Great White Shark visits aquarium.

  42. 42
    Steve Miliband says:

    Boris takes a holiday in Amity Island. What could possibly go wrong.

  43. 43
    Kebab Time says:

    “Months after the election and Ken still cant believe he lost”

  44. 44
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Ass/assassin assignation.

  45. 45
    cumuluscognition says:

    I knows dat innit: You obviously fink politics is a gaydar site.

    Sorry, son: You’re an arse-hole that no-one would poke. [Well; apart from Mandlesoehn!] ;)

  46. 46
    Toucan says:

    Don’t you just want to put that thing on the nose?

  47. 47
    Toucan says:



  48. 48
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    Fonzie jumped the shark. But the shark jumped Boris.

  49. 49
    Larry Bennett says:

    Shark: ”Hmm, my last meal was a Millepede.”

  50. 50
    annette curton says:

  51. 51
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Great White shark meets Great Right hope.

  52. 52
    Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

    No it fucking isnt anonymous, its a bar room where we can engage in blokey banter without facists like you trying to censor us. Please fuck off to the oxymoronic comment is free where they regularly censor comments they dont like as you will fit right in there.

  53. 53
    The Shark says:

    It’s only out of professional courtesy that I don’t eat Boris

  54. 54
    Vladikavkaz says:

    The London Mayor and Speaker of the House pose for photos at the London Aquarium.

  55. 55
    Nullbymouth says:

    Seeing the shark approaching; BoJo tries to make like a squid and eject a sticky liquid that will cloud the water, but he remembers he shot his bolt earlier.

  56. 56
    Vladikavkaz says:

    Not one of the invited press were surprised when the Boris failed to cast a reflection on the glass tank behind him.

  57. 57
    Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

    Oh Fuck Kate Nash is now on SKY news jumping on the Pussy-wagon, Im sure her appearance has got absolutely fuck all to do with the fact that shes not had a hit for a few years now and her career is in free fall. Oh fuck no !

  58. 58

    Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay…

  59. 59
    Dr Evil says:

    Are stupid, I said fricking sharks with laser beams on their heads !

  60. 60
    Nullbymouth says:

    One has not evolved much since prehistoric times, and the other is a big fish

  61. 61
    Personaly I couldnt give a toss about a shit band trying to get publicity says:

    Caption contest :

    I thought Ken said he would retire from Politics if he lost the Mayoral election. So why is he still hanging around trying to get a photo op with Boris ?

  62. 62
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Great White papped with naked Nurse!

  63. 63

    “I said I wanted frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.”

  64. 64
    annette curton says:

    “Usual rules apply”, there aren’t any are there?.

  65. 65
    Michael Gove says:

    Cock Riot!

  66. 66
    Gonk says:

    Boris offers commiserations and belated gift to Ken.

  67. 67

    Yes, I am aware that the Ecuadorian embassy have ordered from a fancy dress shop. However the Met and I remain ever vigilante!”

  68. 68
    cumuluscognition says:

    Demz Al-Beeb ‘ave fixed 12:34, but demz dummah den ah Labah’ politicians.

    THE SUN IS OUT – SA 16-0

    As if aware that it’s Strauss’s 100th Test, the sun is beating down on the England skipper as he guides a two wide of gully.

    Who’d employ such left-wing feck-witz? [Apart from the mongs of Al-Beeb/Garuniad…]

  69. 69
    Non-Nephilim says:

    Boris’s poker night goes wrong when card shark appears.

  70. 70
    Man on Clapham Omnibus says:

    The episode where the shark jumped the Boris

  71. 71
    Anti Fabian says:

    Just when you thought it was safe to go back into London …

  72. 72
    The World says:

    Go Putin!!!

  73. 73
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Reports are that Boris was heard to be singing:
    “…[J]ust a jackknife has our MacHeath, dear,
    And he keeps it out of sight…”

  74. 74
    Henry Crun says:

    And tell that fucking cellist to stop it.

  75. 75
    Fairly weak says:

    “Just when you thought it was safe to let out your daughter”

  76. 76
    annette curton says:

    Porbeagle shark shock win for new Mayor of London.

  77. 77
    Roundell says:

    man eater meets a woman eater – both of them fathering many children

  78. 78
    Captain Haddock says:

    Not tonight darling. I’ve got a head hake.

  79. 79
    BoJo says:

    mmm, a smell reminiscent of anchovy, I think I would

  80. 80
    Nullbymouth says:

    After being found out by the populace the remora attempt to attach itself to a passing shark

  81. 81
    Nullbymouth says:

    Boris discovers that clear blue is not just a pregnancy testing device

  82. 82

    Men’s 4×100 freestyle relay false start.

  83. 83
    Shrink says:

    … and when I say ‘Ken Livingston’ what’s the first thing that comes to mind Boris?

  84. 84
    Off Topic Crazy Sexy Swedish Girls says:

  85. 85
    Baldy says:

    Anyone else think there’s some fishy shit going on?

  86. 86
    Maximus says:

    One is a ruthless opportunist with a voracious appetite basking in the limelightmeal. The other is a shark.

  87. 87
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Where was last week’s winner announced and what was it?

  88. 88
    Maximus says:


  89. 89
    Ah! Monika says:

    Did Boris win last week’s Jura?

  90. 90
    Pussy Riot says:

    Don’t ask to many questions

  91. 91
    Baldy says:


  92. 92
    Ah! Monika says:

    Damian Hurst’s next project.

  93. 93
    Ah! Monika says:

    Damian Hurst’s next project!

  94. 94
    farmacyst says:

    your welcome

  95. 95
    Kav says:

    “If it loses the Finns then hopefully the whole bloody thing will sink!”

  96. 96
    Sir William Waad says:

    Shark: “My client has drawn to my attention certain defamatory assertions made about him on this ‘blog’……..

  97. 97
    Esther R says:

    I’ll write an article about it in the Daily Mail. I need the attention and the money.

  98. 98
    Ah! Monika says:

    £8.4 billion Loan Shark

  99. 99
    Andrew Pierce says:

    Too late.

  100. 100

    Shark: If you think you’re going to get me to pop out of a VW camper with a 90s DJ strapped to my back for the Paralympics opening ceremony, you’ve got another thing coming, Boris.

  101. 101
    Sir William Waad says:

    Boris: “Pistrix! Pistrix!”

  102. 102
    Ah! Monika says:

    Neither of them pussyfoot around.

  103. 103
    Teecher says:

    Must do better.

  104. 104
    Ah! Monika says:

    Sharking Blond.

  105. 105
    Willer says:

    “There’s more chance of me being sabered with a shark fin than there is of me becoming PM…”

  106. 106
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Sushi? If I can have a decent plateful!” spluttered Boris.

  107. 107
    Non-Nephilim says:

    A fish discovers something of even less use than a bicycle….

  108. 108
    Ah! Monika says:

    Boris attracts the floating voter.

  109. 109
    Ah! Monika says:

    Monster emerges from the bottom of the pool.

  110. 110
    Baldy says:

    MSM: “Do you like fishsticks?”

    Boris: “Yes, I do like fishsticks.”

    MSM: “Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?”

    Boris: “Oi! You can tell that shark to bugger off! I watch South Park too.”

  111. 111
    Backwoodsman says:

    Cover of new book , ‘101 Ways to Solve the Livingstone Problem’.

  112. 112
    illogical says:

    Somethings outta plaice

  113. 113
    Ah! Monika says:

    This is the dawning of the age of Aquarium


  114. 114
    Baldy says:

    Yes, we all know there’s hardly anything Boris likes better than really fresh sushi. Ah, the smell of the ocean!

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Boris introduces new spin-doctor and claims Cameron has nothing to worry about.

  116. 116
    Gonk says:

    A startling new Iranian scientific investigation reveals supersize home aquariums indicate early onset megalomania.
    Discussion with Ken Livingstone, tonight at 8.

  117. 117
    Ah! Monika says:

    Shark Head (qv)

  118. 118
    a non says:

    The Jéwel of denial

  119. 119
    Ah! Monika says:

    One of them is tanked; the other’s not going far.

  120. 120
    a non says:


  121. 121
    Ah! Monika says:

    Bloody hell, it’s only £12 on Amazon.

  122. 122
    Delenda Est Rompuy says:

    We have a winner!

  123. 123
    Ah! Monika says:

    One of them make babies powder.

  124. 124
    ToryMember says:

    My bite is worse than my shark, ummm sorry, bark…

  125. 125
    Anonymous says:

    Hammerhead visits aquarium.

  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    On spotting his nemesis, Dave goes a little green around the gills.

  127. 127
    gramma says:

    Jura sick parking

  128. 128
    Uncle Rupert says:

    When sharks encounter Boris Johnson they are taught to remain calm and slowly swim away.

  129. 129
    The Ancient Mysteries of The 69th Degree says:

    Boris, already prepared in statutory black suit and black tie, is somewhat alarmed to find that the initiation ceremony for his next masonic degree involves Carcharadon carcharias crapping on his head!

  130. 130
    Bonkers Bryn says:

    Boris takes sharking lessons after latest mistress dumps him

  131. 131
    tauntonian says:

    Better Jaws’ jaws than iggle-piggle

  132. 132
    Bill Quango MP says:

    50 sharks of grey

  133. 133
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Boris to Dave.

    “we’re gona need a bigger vote”

  134. 134
    Forkbender says:

    Shark to Boris, “Hey big boy, fancy a dip in my little tank, I’ll get my mates to join us”

  135. 135
    Toffs At Play says:

    A spiffing Bullingdon food fight get’s out of hand as a lobbed Great White narowly misses future PM’s head!

  136. 136
    An Englishman says:

    It’s pretty rough when a pigeon or seagull craps on your head, but sharkshit gives you a bad hair day that lasts all week.

  137. 137
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I’m the mayor of Shark City.

  138. 138
    Guido Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Fawkes says:

    My obsession with Boris continues.

  139. 139
    Bill Quango MP says:

    … I’m very pleased my good friend Rupert Murdoch was able to join me here at the velodrome …

  140. 140
    Cap'n Nemo says:

    Boris, fearless as ever takes a look around under Southend Pier without a diving suit, to better acquaint himself with where the airport is going.

  141. 141
    Bill Quango MP says:

    He won’t run again. Not with three barrels in him he won’t

  142. 142
    007 says:

    “No Mr Johnson, I expect you to die” says Dr Dave from his Spainish villa

  143. 143

    Thanks. Canada Dry, please.

  144. 144
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Yeah … who won last weeks contest?

  145. 145
    SimonG says:

    Boris unveils the new security system planned for Boris Island

  146. 146
    Taxi? says:

    We’ve been expecting you Mr Blond.

  147. 147
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Feck off back to the New Forest and tell some more porky pies to the residents of Hampshire & Dorset.

  148. 148
    Bill Quango MP says:’s a great white. Or for the BBC journalists..a larger than median piscine Caucasian .

  149. 149
    BobRoberts says:

    No, Mr Blond, I expect you to DIE.

  150. 150
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    The Great White is in an aquarium for safe keeping. After all, it may soon be the last white in multi-culti London.

  151. 151
    Bill Quango MP says:

    no one has seen him. ..The last sighting was of him leaving a house in London over two years ago….. We’ve looked everywhere else…. Gordon Brown must be in there..

  152. 152
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Well, bless my soul, Tom Watson! How the devil are you?

  153. 153
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Does Boris like all the political pygmies in Britain finally start to realise that there is a newer breed of the well informed circling them – waiting to bite their heads off?

  154. 154
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    David Cameron in his tight fitting speedo’s sneaks up behind Boris and ….MUNCH
    never turn your back on Cameron

  155. 155
    LaboutNutter says:

    Do you like my new hat?

  156. 156
    LaboutNutter says:

    Boris starts to foresee circumstances…

  157. 157
    pablo says:

    Boris wasn’t sure if this late addition to the Australian water Polo team was within the rules

  158. 158
    Angler Dangle says:

    [Overheard at a disco]
    Mine’s a stunner but I don’t think much of jaws.

  159. 159
    M says:

    Must feed the goldfish the remains

  160. 160
    idonotbelieveit says:

    Flabby flounder in close call with one eyed monster

  161. 161
    John A says:

    Basking Boris

  162. 162
    illogical says:

    Maneater meets Womaneater.- Goblin Shark greets Spermwhale.

  163. 163
    Sarky says:

    Boris, I said we needed a quorum for the London assembly .

  164. 164
    Boris says:

    Oh fuck , I was hoping for pussy galore

  165. 165
    Non-Nephilim says:

    Manatee meets sharkatee?

  166. 166
    For Free says:

    Can’t think of anything. I just want the book.

  167. 167
    Sharky says:


    Its cool being a shark.

    Hm –wonder who that twat is.

  168. 168
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    “Boris, Boris, there’s a shark behind you.”
    Says Boris, – “Makes a change from a newt”

  169. 169
    Anonymous says:

    Boris began to regret his call for survival of the fittest.

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    Dave told me to follow the smell of pussy……………..

  171. 171
    johnwardmedway says:

    Boris: “Whaddya mean, someone with an even bigger mouth than mine has just arrived?”

  172. 172
    johnwardmedway says:

    Boris: “That’s not what I meant when I said I want some Finns here to illustrate the coming breakup of the Eurozone!”

  173. 173
    M says:

    Boris shows off new office shredder

  174. 174
    Boris says:

    Meet Snappy, he’s our new Olympic swimming coach.

  175. 175
    johnwardmedway says:

    The new member of the Greater London Assembly is fully behind the Mayor – and, unlike the rest of the GLA, it’s really got teeth…

  176. 176
    EC1 PhD says:

    Billions of blue blistering bicycles!

  177. 177
  178. 178
    daveyone1 says:

    I think the future UKIP Mayor of London makes an appearence!

  179. 179
    LMFAO says:

    81lly, didn’t Guido say he wanted quality not quantity. I can send you the link again if you like.

  180. 180
    stroppycow says:

    Go figure!

  181. 181
    The Daily Miracle says:

    Shark shit has amazing likeness to Boris.

  182. 182
    The Daily Miracle says:

    Boris holds his breath longer than a shark.

  183. 183
    The Daily Miracle says:

    Boris holds fish supper with Bob Crow

  184. 184
    johnwardmedway says:

    Boris: “When I asked for a celebrity photo-op with Jaws, I actually meant the Bond movie actor Richard Kiel…”

  185. 185
    stroppycow says:

    Now THAT is funny.

  186. 186
    election watcher says:

    I am more likely to be eaten by a shark than I am to become the Leader of the Conservative Party.

  187. 187
    RogerT says:

    Shark: If he turns round, I’m fucked…

  188. 188

    The bloody things are supposed to be circling Cameron not Boris :-)

  189. 189

    That one’s for Cleggers!

  190. 190
    Esther says:

    but my public adores me and pleads that I write more sensible articles on my views on life.

  191. 191

    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    A Shark!

    A Shark Who?

    A shark who just ate your Party and now I’m going to eat you!

  192. 192
    A matter of public concern says:

    are Esther and Sally Bercow one and the same?

  193. 193
    Sniper says:

    So, Mr Leader, I expect you are curious as to why I had you brought here.

  194. 194

    …it seems the mystery of the disappearance of the Polish competitor in the 400m butterfly has been solved..

  195. 195

    Boris assures regulators that despite Libor fixing, miss-selling of PPI, Sub-primes, sanction busting, and endowment mortgage scams.. The City of London is not a loan shark’s playground.

  196. 196
    Lord Peter Whimsical of Foy says:

    Have you got fish fingers?

    ..erm no. Just a new intern .

  197. 197
    Hector says:

    David Attenborough “Here we see a creature lurching from the bowels of the right, looking for its next prey seeking a higher place in the deep blue, scoffling as it moves, if it stops it dies…oh and there’s a shark!”

  198. 198
    Itzman says:

    “Socialism is just like a shark. There you are, swimming happily in clear blue water, and something grabs you by the balls and chews them off, and the next thing you know the water’s turned red, and it goodnight, Vienna.”

  199. 199
    old git says:

    Boris and Dave both fell into this shark infested tank but remained unharmed by shouting “We will hold an in/out Referendum on the EU after the next election”


  200. 200
    rich man poor man. says:

    boris….the next damien hirst.
    He is one creative dude!

  201. 201
    rich man poor man. says:

    Boris reveals the shark within.

  202. 202
    Splooge says:

    Boris unveils new training scheme for Team GB’s useless swimmers

  203. 203
    Splooge says:

    Always start by giving your politician a really good scare – they taste much better when they’re not full of shit

  204. 204
    Splooge says:


  205. 205
    Enemy of the State says:

    Is that Baron Barracuda with Boris or a banker in the tank?

  206. 206
    Blowing Whistles says:

    I might add- and not the centre of the worlds money laundering markets for the past 6 decades and more – a well known trick used by the US and UK’s financial usury practicing vultures.

  207. 207
    Johann Hákarl says:

    Shark : I know when I’m stuffed.

  208. 208
    Biff says:

    Good evening Mr Bond. My name is Ernst Stavro Blofeld….

  209. 209
    Enemy of the State says:

    Is that Baron Barracuda with Boris or a banker in the tank?

    @ 5:50 the banker moves in

  210. 210
    shark or no shark... says:

    only Boris is bothered to keep the Olympic flame alive. a good man.

  211. 211
    cool blue.... says:

    shark travel, when there is no alternative.

  212. 212
    Fish Supper says:

    Creature from the Blue Lagoon

  213. 213
    gman says:

    Do you expect me to walk?
    No, Mr. Cameron. I expect you to die.

  214. 214
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Boris – Finally Twigs!!! and the ‘bubble’ above his head reveals what he realises about Murdoch!!!

  215. 215
    Pundit Too. says:

    Boris- “There is no blood in the political water-YET”

  216. 216
    mrjohn says:

    Sorry, shark for brains?

  217. 217
    Howard Roark says:


  218. 218
    evad666 says:

    Boris Johnson tells David Cameron to ‘stop pussyfooting around’ and fix the economy. Or else you can swim for it.

  219. 219
    cromwellsghost says:

    Arnie this is how low the new chair lift goes

Seen Elsewhere

100 Tories to Rebel on Plain Packs | Telegraph
May 2015 and the Art of Political Betting | MAY2015
Fate of Eurozone Rests in Hands of Videogame Expert | TechnoGuido
UKIP After Farage | Asa Bennett
Eichmann Called on Arabs to Continue War on Jews | Speccie
Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
Mandy’s £400,000 Tax-Free Loan From Own Company | Guardian
Why We Must Remember the Holocaust | Hugo Rifkind
“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
British Minister in Watch Gaffe | Straits Times

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