August 16th, 2012

Guardian Management Restructuring Announced
Prioritises Not-So-Dead-Tree Edition

Guido understands an email went out to Guardian staff yesterday informing them that there is to be a ‘management restructuring’.. to achieve ‘a renewed focus on protecting and developing our print revenue’. Managing the decline might be more accurate.

Guido’s source thinks this is Rusbridger and the controlling clique on the board realising he’s spent shedloads too much on his over-staffed online folie de grandeur and presages a shift back to basics – the dead tree edition of the Guardian still brings in 75% of the revenue. For now…

UPDATE: Meanwhile the Guardian‘s head of media has been analysing the lads’ mag market.

If he’s using that logic for Nuts and co., he might want to have a look at the figures showing his own paper’s decline. In June the Guardian sold 211,911 copies, a 17.5% drop year-on-year.  Things are not all fine and Dandy… 


  1. 1
    That is all says:

    Guardian is shit!


  2. 2
    Peter Grimes says:

    Perhaps Rustybridges is going to fall on his sword!



  3. 3
    BBC says:

    We have upped our subscription


    • 18
      Just Asking says:

      Didn’t the Gurnyingian once try to influence a US election and it all misfired badly on the Chosen One?


      • 24
        JH says:

        Yes, they sent reader-penned letters to various Americans imploring them to not vote for Bush II.

        The replies were hilarious.

        A high water mark in an already swollen sea of sanctimony.


        • 62
          Old Tory Bigot says:

          “swollen sea of sanctimony”

          I love that. It descibes the Graun and its readers perfectly.

          “A ship of fools adrift on a swollen sea of sanctimony”



  4. 4
    Gordon Brown says:

    The Guardian should borrow more as it is the right thing to to

    If the Guardian then runs out of money the taxpayer should bail them out as it is the right thing to do

    My father told me it is the right thing to to .

    The poor churchgoers of Kirkaldy paid their tithes to the church so I could have steak dinners


  5. 5
    JH says:

    Those pigs look horrendously white. The wolf is a bit pale too. Tut.

    Poor old Naurgiad. Print circulation and revenue plummeting, and now they can’t even assuage their egos online with the glib disregard for financial sustainability the left are so very expert at.

    Looks like the bright young things’ hilarious brainstorming session came to naught.


  6. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    Perhaps they should ask Richard Murphy for some advice? Maybe they have and he told them to carry on spending, lease everything and employ lots of non productive personnel. After all, debt is fine.


    • 82
      JH says:

      Those lads mags are amateurs.

      They just need to have a tax avoiding parent trust which happens to also own a cash cow that lets the socialist vanity publication limp on despite losing £45million year after year.

      The Naurgiad could learn from the lads mags too, stick Lucy Pinder’s top bollocks on page 3 and they would be on to a winner. They just need a nice villa in Tuscany to do the shoot at – any volunteers?

      Lawrie Penny could do a quick op ed on how liberating and empowering female nudity is, and everyone’s happy.


  7. 8
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nurse caught me flicking nobs of butter at her, I told her it was Teddy but she didn’t belive me.


  8. 9


    But if this Assange thing goes tits up, as it well might, we risk all sorts of problems hitherto unthinkable.

    I am busy writing out loads of I told you so!‘s into a text document so I can cut and paste them into blogs all over the world until the USA decides to close the internet down.


    • 19

      Just let the accused rapist go to Ecuador.
      Do we care? So he’s fled justice? So what?

      The yanks can get him if they want him.
      And better for us if they kidnap him from some food-court in another nation.

      May should give him an Olympic lane pass and police escort to the airport.


      • 40
        Sir Trev Skint MP says:


        Have we managed to persuade Dave to keep the Zil lanes for us Bill?


      • 42

        Not accused. Not charged. Just allegations.

        If he were charged, I would take a different view (Uncle Sam apart).

        If allegations are sufficient to extradite folks, then no one is safe, anywhere.


        • 59
          The Paragnostic says:

          Unfortunately, that is the position that the UK courts have taken with regard to Assange.

          As far as I am aware, the law allows for any one of us to be extradited based on such a demand for questioning – so if, for instance, you had an internet site selling WWII German regalia, the French or the Germans or anyone else who has a law against it could have you over the coals with the blessing of the UK courts.


          • Islington Village Voice says:

            Ah, Gnostic is into narzi regalia. A perfectly innocent and healthy hobby and no need to worry Aaron and Sarah over the road at all. Whatsoever in any way, oh no.


        • 71

          But he wasn’t charged because he fled the country to avoid being charged.

          “18 November 2010

          Stockholm District Court approves a request to detain Mr Assange for questioning on suspicion of ra*pe, sex*ual molestation and unlawful coercion.”

          Hardly any US troops in Swe*den. More in Cub*a


        • 73
          Old Tory Bigot says:

          Exactly right.

          If accusations and allegations without evidence and charges are now grounds for extradition then who’s next?

          There are some people who take a rather dim view of Guido and other controversial bloggers and they would prefer we all kept our mouths shut and our opinions to ourselves.

          Who can safely say they cannot be extradited to the USA if they say something the USA doesn’t like?


      • 74
        Anonymous says:

        May will not be permitted to do that Bill! Hague will instruct her to tell plod that as soon as Assan** steps out of the door from that embassy on to
        British soil, he is to be arrested.


    • 38
      SP4BS says:

      Have you heard about “copy and paste”. you don’t need to write it out then.

      I guess alt-V is a bit of a wide spread unless you’re a siamese.


    • 94
      Rustybridger of the Guardian says:

      Tits? Tits, that’s brilliant SC. You’ve saved the day.

      Polly, come here, get yer tits out, I’ve got a great idea for page three. Bring Jasmin with you. We’ll do a lesbo spread, along with a bit of social comment – that’ll get the punters back on board.


  9. 17
    Lefty fucktard says:

    It is clear that we need to introduce a Newspaper License.

    It will allow the Guardian to be uniquely funded; everyone can pay £100 a year and if they don’t inspectors can go round to their houses and point out that they have a letterbox so they could have the Guardian so they have to pay. If the people admit to having so much as seen a Guardian in a newsagents they have to go to court and pay a £600 fine, which will go towards Polly Toynbee’s first class flights and VIP lounge entry. Everyone has to do their bit.

    This will allow everyone to enjoy their ‘Aunty’ Guardian paper; it can have frequent double page spreads showcasing a wonderfully culturally diverse range of people saying how much they love the Guardian and how brilliant it all is.

    Why do people find this sort of thing so hard to understand? Needless to say, horrible right-wing profitable papers won’t get a penny of this money.


    • 26
      Socialism = Starvation says:

      Any who proposes such a scheme is clearly insane and a budding tyrant. You’d think that there was a model already in place, given how well thought out it is.


    • 28
      Dave says:

      Seems fair to me.


      • 45

        See the CIf mob are torn between their two default positions.

        Position A. USA is always wrong and always evil.

        Position B. Any unwarranted sexual attention is always wrong and always evil.

        Some have managed to face both ways at once.
        I assume they’re the lib Dem activists.


        • 77
          JH says:

          You are barely scraping the surface of their cognitive dissonance.

          Men being promiscuous with women = disrespectful, typical etc.
          Men being promiscuous with men = celebrate! Mardi Gras! Rictus grins all round!

          Women being ‘oppressed’ = bad, we must campaign and expose etc.
          Muslim women being actually oppressed by muslim men = (deafening silence).


    • 92
      Capita Senior Executive says:

      Great idea, our revenue from the BBC tax is going down as more and more people just ignore our existence and counting letterboxes, though difficult, is probably within most of our commission paid part timers abilities. And it helps The Progressive Cause so we can get lots more contracts with the next government.


  10. 21
    Down the plughole says:

    The Guardian is a fucking disgrace!


  11. 25
    DZ says:

    Is there any statistics on how white middle class and oxbridge the Guardian readership is

    If no research exists can we all pay to get some done?


  12. 29
    DZ says:

    The Guardian are NOT diverse

    Their interest is only in net tax recievers

    Own a small business? Accoring to the Guardian you must be a criminal


    • 33

      DZ – Do you edit the Gruniad by any chance, as I detect a certain symmetry of grammar and spelling?


    • 48
      Backwoodsman says:

      Well, if you’re a graun reader, you can’t show disdain for the more obvious cases, like pig-ignorant muzzies and the feckless underclass. Anyone in the vibrant world of the media, or the public sector is off limits, so that really only leaves people who work in boring little small businesses and trades people.


  13. 32
    Harbottle says:

    They are hoping and praying for a Lib-Lab government bringing with it a public sector job ads bonanza.


    • 49
      Backwoodsman says:

      Tories have had two years to close that particularly restrictive and expensive loophole and get all government job ads online. At times you have to despair !


      • 52
        jgm2 says:

        In 2010 The Grauniad urged its readers to vote LibDem. It’s hardly surprising now if the LibDems don’t go along with T*ry plans to pull the plug on Grauniad’s state-sponsored advertising.


    • 85
      Phil says:

      Any public sector job ads bonanza in 2015 will last about as long as a snowflake in hell.Putting Labour back in power,effectively with the same shambolic army of incompetents who got us into this state in the first place, will destroy any market confidence in the economy’s ability to re-balance itself and foment a stampede from sterling.Every cloud has a silver lining however and the resultant consequences would probably be so dire that we may finally at last get a conservative government albeit with an even bigger shitheap to clean up.


      • 87
        jgm2 says:

        We might (get a T*ry government) but only after five more years of scorched earth economics from the Imbeciles.

        Time to start edging towards the exit I think.


        • 98
          Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

          We won’t mind a Labour or Lab-Lib government in this neck of the woods.


  14. 35
    Guardian Newsdesk says:

    Julian Assange has locked-in syndrome


  15. 36
    Sky's Peter Poofter says:

    What’s the first sign of AIDS?………..A pounding sensation in the chutney channel.


  16. 37
    For Julian Assange says:


  17. 39
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Excellent news! Ecuador shows the UK regime how standing up to the petulant dictats of the United States should be done.

    Cameron and Hague have some explaining to do, and NO Billy SAS Vague will do nothing


  18. 56
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Guido Fawkes Blogg in full

    Guardian Blar Blar Blar
    BBC Blar Blar Blar
    Boris Blar Blar Blar
    Errrrr thats it

    **** Come on Guido, I’ve given you enough tips for threads ****

    Priti Patels dubious expenses

    Graham Brady’s wife on £45K pa, on expenses

    Coulson hacking ( sorry Tory HQ info requests )

    Migrant basher Mongo Mensch , to become a migrant

    Andrew Mitchell claimed £299 for Landed Gentry publications called Burke’s Peerage, Baronetage & Knightage 107th Edition.

    Strangely he claimed for one copy at £299, but also claimed for 2 further copies at £180 each, total cost after post £688.


  19. 57

    Guardian Media Man’s Lad Mag Blag seems to have gone tits-up now.


  20. 68 says:

    Number of American troops in Cuba 936
    Number of US troops in Sweden < 936

    So why exactly should Sweden do US's bidding?

    "20 November 2010
    Interpol issues a "red notice" for Mr Assange, asking people to contact police if they have any information about his whereabouts.

    18 November 2010
    Stockholm District Court approves a request to detain Mr Assange for questioning on suspicion of rape, sexual molestation and unlawful coercion."


  21. 80
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Prosecution: “So Mr Coulson, the charge that you hacked into David Blunkets mobile while he was a minister of state, who actually instructed you to do so”.

    Pandy Shower Cocksoon : “errrrrrr”

    Prosecution: “Remember you are under oath”

    You can make the rest up yourselves f*ck loons, but CCHQ aren’t gonna be well pleased with his answer


    • 83
      jgm2 says:

      You can make the rest up yourselves..

      As opposed to you making stuff up?

      Coulson didn’t personally hack anybodies phone. I suspect Coulson’s defence will be that this reporter chap was, off his own bat, hacking everybody and anybody and then passing on any ‘good’ information in return for cash. In the same way that you have gangs of photographers ‘papping’ celebs all over the shop on the off-chance they can sell a picture.


    • 84

      Is that David Blunkett who writes for Newscorp?

      On a fat cat busting £2,010 an hour?


      • 86
        jgm2 says:

        Or is that David Blunkett who, back when NewsCorp was supporting Labour,

        ‘Blunkett resigned as Home Secretary after being told in advance of Budd’s findings. ……

        …… Blunkett was not helped by a series of stinging criticisms of his Cabinet colleagues, made by Blunkett to his biographer Stephen Pollard, which became public days before he resigned.’

        Or the Charles Clarke who tried to warn the country of the madness of Gordon Brown?

        Some might draw parallels with revelations about Robin Cook that arose when he walked out on Tony’s war.

        You might want to rethink who was trying to please who and who was calling the shots with these … errr ….timely revelations.


    • 100
      wayneton mcblair says:

      hey stoopid moosaka

      have you tried brain damage? i reckon it’d suit you


  22. 81
    Willard says:

    TO: Alan Rusbridger
    FROM: Mitt Romney
    RE: Mgmt Restructure

    I’m not available till November, the earliest. Maybe never, if things go my way.

    I do appreciate your interest in my services, however, and I thank you for having considered me.

    Good luck to you.


  23. 89
    the savant says:

    fine and DANDY ??

    oh gweed boy eat your cow pie and feel embaraased by your shameless opportuning of the main topical chance

    denis the menace has got your number …


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