August 15th, 2012

Britain Sends Aid to Mars

The Indian government has today announced plans to launch a mission to Mars next year. The $82 million project, funded in part by the British taxpayers’ money meant for starving children, will see an unmanned spacecraft set off for the Red Planet in November 2013.

The least they could do is plant a Union Jack…


54 Comments

  1. 1
    The Public says:

    Give us our free turnips!

    Like

  2. 2
    Dave Cam says:

    I have been told that the starving children will be able to settle on Mars and I see no reason to doubt this.

    It’s the right thing to do

    Like

  3. 4
    Nullbymouth says:

    Will the last person out of the UK please turn out the lights?

    Like

    • 42
      Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

      Who keeps putting moeny in the meter to keep the bloody things on? Oh stupid me, it’s us taxpayers isn’t it!

      Like

  4. 5
    The last Quango in Paris says:

    This has absolutely got to stop. I could write a list As long as from here to Mars of better things to spend the money on.

    Like

  5. 6
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m farting a chariot of fire

    Like

  6. 8
    Squadron Leader Patel of Callcentre Alpha Mars says:

    put put put, may I be thanking please you lovely jubbly peoples, for your kind *shakes head sideways repeatedly* donation of 1.7% of your famous GDP to our good causes.

    Asda price !

    Like

    • 13
      Call me Dave says:

      Dear Mr Patel

      Thank you for your warm words it is much appreciated. Just one correction however.

      I don’t give you all the foreign aid budget just a lot of it. There are other very valuable things that we have as a country to do and not just in India. For example this is a vitally important thing for us to be doing – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19191735

      Your as always

      The Twat

      Like

  7. 9
    AC1 says:

    Well Africa sends A.I.D.S. to the U.K.

    Like

  8. 10
    Kevin T says:

    If they’d put all our fucking MP’s into it, I’d support funding the whole damn project.

    Like

  9. 14
    Danny Boil that needs lancing says:

    I am already filming Slumdog Billionaire

    Like

  10. 15
    SP4BS says:

    Perhaps you could privately donate a flag to the indian government. One of those that are on a cocktail-stick.

    But hold on. If you are Guido I, wouldn’t you want to give them an irish flag?

    Like

  11. 16
    Wally Wombat says:

    Probably done to create votes among the Indian diaspora in the UK.

    Like

  12. 17
    John Prescott says:

    I have 5 of these every morning. Reet champion!
    http://howigotrich.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/10-pound-breakfast-challenge1.jpg

    Like

  13. 18
    2 rollocks says:

    any news on the Irish space program ?

    Like

  14. 20
    The Paragnostic says:

    Since the name “Mars Rover” has already been used, will they call it the “Mars Tata”?

    Like

    • 40
      The Impartial observer says:

      Had one of those out on rent recently. Not a bad car apart from it’s strange habit of veering sharply every time it passed an industrial estate. Got it sussed eventually. Stuffed a couple of cartons of dog food & a case of washing up liquid in the back at the cash & carry & it purred along happily afterwards. Bloody junk hanging from the mirror was a pain though.

      Like

  15. 21
    The Impartial observer says:

    Pleep pleep….pleep pleep “Curiosity base?” pleep pleep “The chicken Madras, pillau rice & poppadoms you ordered.” pleep pleep……pleep pleep

    Like

  16. 22
    Buzz "Patel" Aldrin says:

    It may very well not be “unmanned” as rumours reaching me suggest that David Cameron & George Osborne will be inside the spacecraft.

    Like

  17. 30
    2 rollocks says:

    as somebody else said,” shouldn’t we be funding our own fucking space program” ?

    Like

  18. 35
    The Impartial observer says:

    “as somebody else said,” shouldn’t we be funding our own fucking space program” ?”

    Jeez, don’t start them on that. You seen the bill for the Olympics?

    Like

  19. 36
    Synic says:

    Dave — get your arse back from holiday and try and explain this fiasco on prime time telly — you stupid wxxker

    Like

  20. 39
    O'happy Day says:

    If we didnlt give aid to countries who have nuclear weapons and/or space programmes could we afford to feed some starving people somehwere?

    Like

  21. 43
    eadav says:

    ’…money meant for starving children,’
    Really Guido, I expect better. This is the timeless hypothecation myth. Whatever we ’mean’ in making our donation, our £££ go to the Indian exchequer which allocates total receipts as it sees fit: starving children, MP’s pensions, space exploration…
And this problem can’t be solved by paying our £££ directly to the said starving children since the exchequer would be free to divert the same amount to wherever it chooses.

    Like

    • 44
      2 rollocks says:

      I think what people are thinking is that if they have got money to spend on a rocketship then they don’t need our money especially when we are skint.

      Like

  22. 49
    (bleep) Hello, my name is Fred says:

    Why not send the money to all curry houses and bring the prices down?

    Like

  23. 54
    Anonymous says:

    The money sent to India goes to British NGOs operating in the country; none of it will have been spent on the space programme.

    Like


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Darling

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Yours

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In the interests of me I am placing a copy of this email in the public domain.


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