August 10th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Keep Your Friends Close Edition)

This week there is a bottle of Jura Superstition up for grabs.

Usual rules apply…


291 Comments

  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Now where is that knife that Ed lent me”

    Like

  2. 2
    Blair Supporter says:

    (Dave thinks): Tony’s not watching me, is he?

    Like

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    “I WILL get some stardust even if i do have to hug him”

    Like

  4. 3
    Dave says:

    Nibble my ear Boris, I like a bit of passion when I’m being fucked!

    Like

  5. 5
    ToonBob... says:

    “That’s right Boris, five million more to the Syrians, let’s see how that woman on the radio show likes it now!”

    Like

  6. 6
    fruitcake says:

    See nasty hobbits’s? Boris myyyy precious.

    Like

  7. 7
    I Squiggle says:

    Et tu, Brute?

    Like

  8. 8
    Darrol Skinner says:

    Someone’s Taking The ‘BhangraFit’ Out Of Me

    Like

  9. 9
    Kebab Time says:

    “Kiss me quick before Nick Clegg sees “

    Like

  10. 10
  11. 11
    Warren Valentine says:

    Boris’ latest squeeze

    Like

  12. 12
    caedmonscat says:

    (Dave:) Now, where did I put me knife?

    Like

  13. 13
    I Squiggle says:

    “Psst.. You even think about trying to get my job, and I’ll release the file..”

    Like

  14. 14
    Lord Coe (Ca-Cola) says:

    “And there’s no point in sticking your tongue into my ear, I’m still going to oust you…”

    Like

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    Is Cameron administering an extremely powerful, slow-release enema, dear?

    Like

  17. 17
    Winston Smith says:

    Floreat ye-boner.

    Like

  18. 18
    And Finally says:

    Trevor MacDonald cleans camera lens with own tongue!

    Like

  19. 19
    a non says:

    Dave hoping for a reconciliation but Boris keeps his zip wired.

    Like

  20. 20
    Kebab Time says:

    “One of the missing Cameroons spotted with Mayor of London”

    Like

  21. 21
    Mrs Entity says:

    Enjoy your poll ratings Boris BUT try for leadership and you’ll find yourself buried under on of my father in laws wind turbines! Capeesh

    Like

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Get out of the way so I can see the volley ball girls

    Like

  23. 23
    SHALANE says:

    EXCUSE ME WHILE I PUT MY HAND UP YOUR ARSE

    Like

  24. 24
    Captain Birds Eye says:

    Boris I am out of it and happy, where can I get more of that doping stuff from?

    Like

  25. 25
    I Squiggle says:

    ”cooorby, cooooorby, coooooorby..”

    Like

  26. 26
    Moussa Koussa says:

    There there dave, dont worry, not long before we are both not PM

    Like

  27. 27
    La Fold says:

    “I know it was you Fredo… I know it was you!”

    Like

  28. 28

    Dave: ‘Who ever made Beach Volleyball an Olympic sport is a fucking genius!’

    Boris: ‘True dat!’

    Like

  29. 29
    Saltpetre says:

    “Boris, you are a ‘AAA’ kind of guy”

    Like

  30. 30
    AC1 says:

    Boris physically prevents another Camoron U-Turn.

    Like

  31. 31
    I Squiggle says:

    TAKE. THE. GUN. OUT. OF. YOUR. POCKET..

    Like

  32. 32
    Another Engineer says:

    “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”

    Like

  33. 33
    Ulrike says:

    Sure…it IS great to see you. But that bottle over there still seems pretty attractive. One has to set priorities.

    Like

  34. 34
    Seano says:

    You will feel a small prick as I drive this knife into your back Boris!!

    Like

  35. 35
    AC1 says:

    Boris and Camoron in BI-partisan agreement.

    Like

  36. 36
    Michael says:

    “Your hair smell good”

    Like

  37. 37
    bobalot says:

    That’s right little Davey I’m your Daddy too.

    Like

  38. 38

    Αγκαλιές και φιλιά

    Like

  39. 40
    David says:

    Conjoined twins re unite

    Like

  40. 41
    Stephanie Lear says:

    Pssst, I,ve got a flask of Jura in my pocket. Well a guy needs to relax sometimes and only the best for the P.M.

    Like

  41. 42

    Dave and Boris have a Greek Hug.

    Like

  42. 43
    stuart hutchings says:

    Mmmmmmm….. The Jura’s out!

    Like

  43. 44
    Oscar India says:

    “Let go of me David, the magic doesn’t literally rub off”.

    Like

  44. 45
    Guacamole, sir? says:

    “Is that your Johnson in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”

    Like

  45. 47
    Tubsturtle says:

    10% off Photoshop!

    Like

  46. 48
    illogical says:

    Iconic clutch moment for UK ‘sports’.
    “If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you’re going to be cockeyed today”. [Anonymous]

    Like

  47. 49
    sweat in gordon's crack says:

    please dont f*ck me, just hug me…

    Like

  48. 50
    Robert Wilkin says:

    “Yes, she did say she’s a pole vaulter Boris, but that’s an event not an invitation.”

    Like

  49. 51
    jalcock1982 says:

    “Gee, Brain. What are we going to do tonight?” “The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.”

    Like

  50. 52
    beast says:

    Twatty watch

    Like

  51. 53
    Colin Coonie says:

    Next time I’ll not just leave you hanging I’ll cut the wire!

    Like

  52. 54
    Simon Harley says:

    “In the manner of Cæsar, I hereby announce my candidacy for that superlative riding of Corby … er, steady on Dave! No time for Wiff Waff now!”

    Like

  53. 56
    Aunty Matter says:

    Boris to the loser: “Fuck off”

    Like

  54. 57
    Roger The lodger says:

    Back, Boris, back. She’s IN the game, not ON the game.

    Like

  55. 58
    Sniper says:

    Oh, go on, let me show you how to “Agree with Nick”.

    Like

  56. 59
    Twisted Nerve says:

    Πίσω σε σας

    Like

  57. 61
    Anonymouse says:

    Et tu Boris?

    Like

  58. 62
    YorkshireLad says:

    Boris “Just as well I wear a cricketers’ box when I’m at a function with you, Prime Minister”

    Like

  59. 63
    Who, me? says:

    You’re my besht mate, you are, *hic*. I love you, *hic*. Hee hee, Cleggy’s a right… *gulp*, *retch*, *oooaaaaarrrrr*…

    Like

  60. 64
    Middleagedbloke says:

    Eton Boys, Eton Boys
    Old School ties and Olympic toys
    Eton Boys, Eton Boys,
    They call us the Olympic Cowboys

    Like

  61. 65
    gramma says:

    Sibling rivalry
    The jury’s still out;
    The Jura’s in.
    Where oh where was / is the Jurex?

    Like

  62. 66
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Look, another wet otter!

    Like

  63. 67
    annette curton says:

    Another penis springs out from the back of Borises head.

    Like

  64. 68
    Sarah says:

    “Ooh Boris, you big hunk, I’m going to stick my big wet tongue right in your ear!! But I’d rather have a wee dram of Superstition”

    Like

  65. 70
    scott lomax says:

    you know you right?I REALLY love you boris!!I know Ive had a few but you are ace and I love you loads man….bleeeeuuuurrrgghhhhh!!!

    Like

  66. 71
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I am a Bullshitter myself, but, I do like to hear a professional at it. So please continue!!’

    Like

  67. 72
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Come on Guido, there is a BIG difference between “a bottle of Jura Superstition” and a “Jura Superstition bottle”.

    Like

  68. 73
    Daniel says:

    Having lost his MoJo Dave cuddles up to his BoJo

    or

    Peirs Morgan realises that Boris must be disposed of if his career as a Call me Dave look a like is to flourish after he’s been sacked by CNN

    Like

  69. 74

    Can’t post it – far too crude.

    Like

  70. 75

    “Et tu, Boris?”

    Like

  71. 76
    Mary Whitehouse says:

    No tongues Boris , Osbourne might be watching

    Like

  72. 77
    jOEDAL says:

    “BORIS MATE (hic) I REALLY LOVE YOU MAN”.

    Like

  73. 78
    illogical says:

    Dave gets excited about the competition prize before Boris consoles him that undoubtedly Hárry will still drink it all.

    Like

  74. 80
    TV Dave says:

    Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul
    But I do love thee! And when I love thee not,
    Chaos is come again.

    Like

  75. 81
    iamtdogg says:

    “Congratulations old chap we couldnt have wrecked the country without you”

    Like

  76. 83
    wight tory says:

    DC “Bloody hell, I’ve managed to get stuck on your Zip Boris!”

    BJ “Never mind, Guido will never describe you of being a cock-sure, opportunist tosser, looking for a leg up from somebody who knows how to win an election. That will be Ed’s line”

    Like

  77. 84
    dickiebo says:

    “Your back, Boris. Your back!!!”

    Like

  78. 87
    Camerhoon - clinging to Boris, says:

    Hold me Boris – I feel safe with you!

    Like

  79. 88
    Widescreen2010 says:

    Sit down and zip up your flies for Christ’s sake – at least wait until the volleyball match has finished!

    Like

  80. 89
    Phil Colbourne says:

    You’re my best mate, give us a kiss

    Like

  81. 90
    Martin Day says:

    Boris to Dave ” Dave please stop fondling my buttocks with you left hand. I had thought that would have grown out of that by now.”

    Like

  82. 91
    orkneylad says:

    “Oh Dave you’re wearing your drunk face; now hand over your keys.”

    Like

  83. 92
    smoggie says:

    And now we join the Olympic final of the Eton wall game….. the winner being the first one to bring some balls into No 10.

    Like

  84. 96
    whatever says:

    DC – “OK. On three – you let go of my balls and I take my thumb out your arse – just like in the Bullingdon days…”

    Like

  85. 97
    Tom Tomos says:

    Can you ride tandem?

    Like

  86. 98
    Ray says:

    Did you hear the one about the Lib Dem guy who wanted to change the House of Lords?

    Like

  87. 99
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Aw Boris, reach around and remove that knife in my back that Nick Clegg shoved in.

    Like

  88. 100
    MNK says:

    We were only discussing Homer…

    Like

  89. 101

    Boris: This is inconceivable.

    Like

  90. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Hi Brutus

    Like

  91. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Back off woman he’s mine!

    Like

  92. 105
    FlossIsBoss says:

    Is that a knife in my back, or are you just pleased to see me?

    Like

  93. 106
    Kirsty says:

    Dave: They don’t suspect a thing!

    Boris: *maniacal laugh*

    Like

  94. 107
    gramma says:

    Dave seeking confirmation that Boris is both a mensch and unmenschionable.

    Like

  95. 108
    Patrick says:

    Nicola James said she really fancies you.

    Like

  96. 110
    Rob Hughes says:

    I dare you to tell him he’s won a bald medal.

    Like

  97. 111
    a non says:

    Public enemy number 1 discusses game tactics with pubic enemy number 1 at the Ladies volleyball- UK v Germany.
    Dave hoping for a draw.
    Boris hoping for drawers.

    Like

  98. 112
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Boris, Seb Coe is scaring me.

    Like

  99. 113
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Calm down, David, it’s only a mouse.”

    Like

  100. 114
    Anonymous says:

    He shouldn’t have had that 15th Jaegerbomb.

    Like

  101. 115
    Legal Crook says:

    DC thinks: ‘no one will notice if I knee him in the bollocks’

    Like

  102. 116
    towerofbabble says:

    Mo, Mo, Mo! Mo’, Boris, mo’…!!!!

    Like

  103. 117
    AC1 says:

    Boris and Cam felt overdressed at the Love Parade.

    Like

  104. 118
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Cameron saying: I’ve tried Boris, but I can’t hold back my urges for you any longer! Tell me how to win.

    Like

  105. 119
    Legal Crook says:

    ‘Hang on Boris you’re nearly at the vinegar strokes’

    Like

  106. 120
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave eyed Boris’s trouser tent with a mixture of awe and disgust.

    Like

  107. 121
    Yeah, right... says:

    Cameron pregnant, shock…..

    Like

  108. 122

    The Partaker meets the Caretaker.

    Like

  109. 124
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Oh how I’ve missed our regular Greco-Roman wrestling bouts.

    Like

  110. 125
    John says:

    La vendetta è un piatto che va mangiato freddo

    Like

  111. 126

    Dave swaps Cleggover for Legover.

    Like

  112. 128
    Baffled says:

    I used to see the picture on these caption contest thingies, but now I never do, even if I disable all my ad blocks etc. Something has gone wrong… Can everyone else see it, whatever it is?

    Like

  113. 130
    Remo Williams says:

    Now, while he’s distracted, I’ll give him a wedgie!

    Like

  114. 131
    Call me Dave says:

    Listen, I know I am a complete and utter cock, but its not your turn to be Mr Leader yet

    Like

  115. 133

    College Wall wins for the first time in over a decade.

    Like

  116. 136
    Nullbymouth says:

    Boris – “Dave whoaa! just hold on a minute. Just what sort of a guy do you think I am Eh?…

    Tits first”

    Like

  117. 138
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Insert between second and thirds ribs Dave , then wait for the little gurgle sound.”

    Like

  118. 139
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Honest Boris, you are my bestest, bestest friend. “

    Like

  119. 140
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    ” Wait till I get you home bitch”

    Like

  120. 142
    Narrow Squeek says:

    Dave only just about stops a stumbling Boris from crushing Prince Phillip!

    Like

  121. 143
    DZ says:

    Boris grabs Dave with the left handed Bullingdon ball crunch as Dave goes for the backdoor Melvin

    Like

  122. 144
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    Caligula made his horse a consul Boris but that doesn’t mean you have to boast about being hung like one.

    Like

  123. 145
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave felt that it was quite the filthiest joke he had ever been told.

    Like

  124. 146
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    Dave ‘s clumsy attempt to pickpocket copy of paternity injunction from Boris goes horribly wrong

    Like

  125. 148
    Sniper says:

    No David, we are not “fuggin fambly” and I am not your best mate.

    Like

  126. 150
  127. 152
    the savant says:

    jura superstion ??

    isn t that the old elvis presley number ?

    Like

  128. 153
    Jolly Boating Weather says:

    At last! It’s jolly boating weather, what the f**k are we doing dresses like a pair of stiffs.

    Like

  129. 154
    The Last, Desperate Hope of the Flailing, Failing, F*ctUp Tory Party says:

    We Eton Chaps must stick together, – like shit to a blanket if need be!

    Like

  130. 155

    (and this is the toned down version)

    Is it just me or does Boris look like he has just finished a rampant quickie shag while Dave looks like he has just had the most dreamy come ever?

    Perhaps they are practicing for what Boris is about to do to Dave in the political world!!

    Like

    • 159

      (Please forgive me but I have just published on smashwords/amazon [it will take 12 hours there] a quickie called “Political Pussy” where a female politician tries to corrupt a woman and she ends up screwing her – use your imagination. So policians and sex are very much on my mind at this precise moment.)

      Like

  131. 156
    beast says:

    Mano a Nano

    Like

    • 167
      beast says:

      May I just add
      Botox boy is trying to show dominance
      Alex (the one who pretends to be Boris) is just shrugging him off
      mark my words 3 years and Alex will have shagged Sam Cam and be in Number 10 installing a mirrored ceiling for COBRA meetings
      COCK OUT BORIS READY FOR ACTION

      Like

  132. 157
    Jimbo says:

    After divorcing his wife of 25 years, Barney Rubble carries his new lover over the threshold.

    Like

  133. 160
    Ah! Monika says:

    Olympic Blond.

    Like

  134. 161
    Ah! Monika says:

    The eyes have it
    The eyes have it.

    Like

  135. 162
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Just my luck to end up with the fat one. Wonder if it’s a real blond?

    Like

  136. 163
    Ah! Monika says:

    Hug him.
    I’d like to throttle him.

    Like

  137. 164
    johnslinger1 says:

    You scratch my back, I’ll stab yours!

    Like

  138. 165
    AC1 says:

    Dave “Haha, Have you seen the tab for this shite! Lucky we’re expensing it.”

    Like

  139. 166
    Bring Back Blair says:

    Mmmm Boris, I love that “just cycled” smell.

    Like

  140. 168
    AC1 says:

    Boris is concentrating on the 5 rings, whereas Dave’s concentrating on Boris’ ring.

    Like

  141. 169
    Roscoe Rules says:

    “Boris I’m scared.who are these people?”
    “Don’t be scared David it’s only the great unwashed we read about at Eton”

    Like

  142. 170
    Bexie in Schweiss says:

    “Oh yeah Dave, thats the spot…”

    Alternatively “Dave, you can take your finger out of my a**e now”

    Like

  143. 171

    Wow! Just look at that You-Gov Poll go!

    Like

  144. 172
    Nick R says:

    Boris: Whatever it takes, Prime Minister – even if I have to carry you over the line!

    Like

  145. 174
    Sandy Jamieson says:

    “When I heard you were hanging from a wire, I immediately thought of Mussolini”

    Like

  146. 175
    Mitch says:

    The moment of realisation: Boris finally finds out that after many years of grooming, ‘DC’ is at long last contemplating ‘AC/DC’ after a few drams of Superstition!!

    Like

  147. 176
    ooh Matron says:

    Boris: I think you may have misunderstood the meaning of “getting stuck on a zip”.

    Like

  148. 177
    Lord Egbert Nobacon says:

    Cameron celebrates winning Olympic gold medal for chillaxing…LOL

    Like

  149. 178
    Anonymous says:

    Mortadella

    Like

  150. 179
    JamesJones says:

    Cam “Just play nice and smile for the Cameras and I’ll give you your bloody airport”

    Like

  151. 180
    Merwynd Santos says:

    Hehe, do you know who is this chick behind me? I wanna have a toast of Jura Whisky with her tonight. ;)

    Like

  152. 182
    taC eht abbaJ says:

    BoJo, after the games are over, I’m going to make you my bitch…

    Like

  153. 186
    Calamity Clegg says:

    O/T But who the fuck agreed to this ? Do you want a fucking war?
    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/08/10/scrapping_86_climate_regs_will_save_400_million_says_decc/

    Like

  154. 187
    beast says:

    Two fat fuckers promise a lot but deliver fuck all

    MEssagespace encapsulated

    Like

  155. 195
    Daniel says:

    EXCLUSIVE: Cameron’s real reason for supporting Gay marriage

    Like

  156. 196
    Stephen says:

    Boris : “I could kill you with my thumb, you know”

    Like

  157. 197
    Popeye says:

    I really, really hate you Johnson.

    Like

  158. 199
    Lord Coe & Co Ltd says:

    Can you win a medal in the Olympics without having overcome 3 broken legs , 2 broken spines, child sexual abuse and a lifetime of lack of financial support.

    Like

  159. 200
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Leave it out Boris. Cable’s not worth it. “

    Like

  160. 202
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “But Dave, I gotta go. It’s a combination of Beach Volleyball and a day out with Wendy Deng. Beach fucking volleyball and Wendy Deng”

    Like

  161. 206
    Elvis says:

    “Why, I can smile and murder while I smile” HenryVI pt 3

    Like

  162. 207
    Nick Booth says:

    Mayor Culpa

    Like

  163. 209
    James121 says:

    I warned you nobody finishes my Jura

    Like

  164. 212
    Will says:

    Cam: That wasn’t a paracetamol, I’m rushing my nuts off…. what’s your name again?

    Like

  165. 212
    Anonymous says:

    I thought it was supposed to be a kiss not a hug when you pass the torch

    Like

  166. 214
    Henry Brubaker says:

    D.C.: When you become PM you aren’t gonna have me killed are you?

    Like

  167. 215
    Tom Watson ate my horse. says:

    Dave:
    “If you don’t cut it out Bozzer, I’ll get Willie to send in some radios and other non-military stuff to loca London rioters”.

    Like

  168. 216
    Anonymous says:

    One for the road Dave?

    Like

  169. 217
    tlillis4 says:

    “Et tu, David?

    Nunc cadit maioris.”

    Like

  170. 218
    Boris Johnson says:

    “Oh, you can call me Bo, or you can call me Jo, or you can call me BoJo, or you can call me Boris, or you can call me Mayor, or you can call me Al, or you can call me a taxicab– but you doesn’t has to call me Johnson!”

    Like

  171. 219
    Greychatter says:

    Dave: Proper Marriage or a Civil Partnership?

    Boris: Bogoff!!

    Like

  172. 220
    daedalus says:

    “I know it was you, Fredo … and it breaks my heart”

    Like

  173. 221
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Remembering the Eton days!

    Like

  174. 222
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Government launches gay marriage ad!

    Like

  175. 223
    J Webb says:

    Cameron: “Come on then old boy, one last hug for the BBC cameras before I return you to Madame Tussaud’s.”

    Like

  176. 224
    J Webb says:

    Johnson: “Ooo David – I never knew you cared!”
    Cameron: “I don’t. I just wanted to put some chewing gum in your hair.”

    Like

  177. 225
    Tractor Gent says:

    Dave: Just so you know Boris, Vladimir’s a great mate and he has some *very* useful friends.

    Like

  178. 226
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Boris, do be a good chap and let go of my balls before the protection officer is forced to shoot you”

    Like

  179. 227
    a non says:

    From Cameron’s expression it is difficult to decide if he thinks Boris is a friend or an enema.

    Like

  180. 228
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    ” Drink ……feck ….Beach Volleyball …..feck”

    Like

  181. 229
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Drink ……feck ….Beach Volleyball …..feck”

    Like

  182. 230
    Anonymous says:

    ” I bloodyyy luvv youuuuu”

    Like

  183. 231
    daveyone1 says:

    ” I’ll come out if you do!”

    Like

  184. 232
    adam cran says:

    give me a kiss and a cuddle boris and we can pull this country back out of the recession after the olympics have finished

    Like

  185. 233
    Simples says:

    Toff love.

    Like

  186. 234
    Spooky the cat says:

    Sometimes I wish I could be more like Gordon and just chuck a bloody phone at him!

    Like

  187. 235
    It doesn't add up... says:

    I’m going to marry him.

    Like

  188. 236
    Simples says:

    From Brasenose to Brownose.

    Like

  189. 237
    Old Grumpy says:

    Now a quick adjustment and the strangle hold is complete!

    Like

  190. 238
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Cameron: “If we keep up this love hate thing – we’ll fool them like Blair and Brown did.”

    BoJo: “Bonzer, spiffing, tickety boo – were on our way; what ho! and … we’ve got Rupee on board too.”

    Like

  191. 239
    TGF UKIP says:

    The lady on the left is saying:

    “It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway. I’m following the rest and joining UKIP”

    Like

  192. 241
    john mackie says:

    I come to bury Boris, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones; So let it be with Boris.

    Like

  193. 243
    Nigel Cheffers-Heard says:

    “But luckily, like most Old Bullingdonians, he knew Myles Jackman…”

    Like

  194. 244
    General the Lord Pritchard Dammit says:

    Have you a tissue? One of us has made an Eton Mess.

    Like

  195. 245
    Barry says:

    So where have you left your daughter this time?

    Like

  196. 246
    Surrey Puma says:

    “Good job that super injunction worked”

    Like

  197. 247
    PETER MANGLEDBUM (Lord of the Rings) says:

    Cock jockeying for positions

    Like

  198. 248
    PETER MANGLEDBUM (Lord of the Rings) says:

    A picture of the Tory leader and his predecessor

    Like

  199. 250
    PETER MANGLEDBUM (Lord of the Rings) says:

    Sorry Davey Ducks but
    I like Tottie

    Like

  200. 251
    Paul says:

    Dave getting on top of the big issue in his Party

    Like

  201. 252
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    That’s a great new Olympic policy Boris – a minimum 38D cup size in the women’s beach volleyball.

    Like

  202. 256
    Andy Pandy says:

    Why is my Prime Minister together with the Mayor of London being photographed together drunk in public?

    Remember too that the Mayor of London was returned to office with the very slimmest of majorities and the Prime Minister if I remember correctly did not even get a majority.

    They should both know better.

    Like

  203. 258
    Barnehurst Bob says:

    DAVE: Awww, I love the smell of ambition!!

    BORIS: Have I got news for you! I hate the smell of mediocrity!

    Like

  204. 259
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Boris: ‘Hey, Bolt old chap, over here. Dave wants to hear how to run and win’.

    Like

  205. 260
    Tim says:

    ‘Boris, let’s see what we can bungle today. Anything will do that leaves you hanging around looking silly whist the general public laugh, that way we can hide other mistakes that this Goverment has made and get away with it as usual…’

    Like

  206. 261
    Jovan says:

    Laura Trott and Jason Kenny didn’t expect these particular imitators…

    Like

  207. 262
    C. A. Fortescue says:

    “His voters, as they dried their eyes,
    Said, “Well–it gives me no surprise,
    He would not do as he was told!”
    His Party, who were self-controlled,
    Bade all the members round attend
    To Cameron’s miserable end,
    And always keep a-hold of Boris
    For fear of finding something worse.”

    H/T to Hillaire…

    Like

  208. 263
    wight tory says:

    DC – “Here Booboo, I’ve written a song for conference”

    “The Labour debt is deepest red,
    It leave our prospects truly dead,
    The poor will go stiff and cold,
    They believed the lies that were told.
    Then raised the borrowings bloody high. (chorus)
    Within this raid we’ll live and die,
    The cowards pinched and Brownites sneer,
    Although we can’t afford a beer.”

    Boris ” And they say I’m the barmy one”

    Like

  209. 264
    Tom McEwan says:

    We can end the night with a wee dram or two…what you think big boy

    Like

  210. 265
    Dave says:

    “If you liked that, wait until you see what I pull out of his arsehole now … “

    Like

  211. 267
    Earl Woodford says:

    mmmmmh, Chanel No 5!

    Like

  212. 268
    Mad frankies older sister says:

    Et tu balls

    Like

  213. 270
    Death-firesDancedAtNight says:

    “Hold off! unhandle me loon! …
    “Instead of the cross, the albatross
    About my neck was hung.” (Courtesy, Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

    Like

  214. 271
    lagwolf says:

    “He clings to me still, yet I am his doom!”

    Like

  215. 272
    It doesn't add up... says:

    Reader, I married him.

    Like

  216. 273
    Great Granddad says:

    (Thinks) I’m over the moon. Boris said that I can be his SPAD.

    Like

  217. 274
    The Anglo Saxon says:

    Boris my dear fellow, does your wife know about those two little filly’s your still shagging ? Were don’t have visions of grandeur, do we now.

    Like

  218. 275
    bob says:

    DAVE “boris Becks has just tipped me the paps are snapping us when you tongue me.”
    BORIS “who gives a shit, its better out in the open.”

    Like

  219. 276
    geewizz says:

    Boris loves a Cumeron his Johnson

    Like

  220. 278
    Mad frankies older sister says:

    Dave was overcome as he congratulated the new Leader

    Like

  221. 279
    Vacant Possession says:

    Cameron hugs Boris and gets the clap…

    Like

  222. 280
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Dave to Boris – I would watch out for that fellow Seb Coe if I was you. After the success of running the Olympics and with his tremendous popularity, it wouldn’t surprise me if he fancied your job.

    Like

  223. 281
    Penfold says:

    Ah bless, they’re playing the Eton Ball Game.

    Like

  224. 283
    Andrew M says:

    smells like team spirit

    Like

  225. 284
    happybirthday says:

    Dave: Intoxicating!
    Johnson’s baby shampoo or Timotei?

    Boris: What happens in London stays in London.

    Like

  226. 285
    Bimbling says:

    “David, David, David! Don’t worry, this time it’s just a metaphorical fucking?”

    Like

  227. 286
    AnalStatistician says:

    “When I kiss him – shoot!”

    Like

  228. 287
    TomCatesby says:

    ‘Your the next one up for the high jump Boris!’

    Like

  229. 288

    Now if I can just remember the right way to position my hands to perform the Ryo-te-jime stranglehold which stopped Hague in his tracks!

    Like

  230. 289
    TGF UKIP says:

    Dave: “By the way Boris, did you know there were photographs and guess who’s got them”

    Boris: “Oh shit!”

    Like

  231. 290
    TGF UKIP says:

    Dave: “But Boris, Bullingdon Boys never do each other down, do they”

    Boris: “Wrong Dave, I’m afraid, it’s only Bullingdon Boys who can hold their drink who don’t get done down”

    Like

  232. 291
    TGF UKIP says:

    Dave: “By the way Boris, I believe Helen Macintyre has a book with the publishers, it’s called, apparently, “Happy Families”

    Boris: “Oh cripes!”

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

Privatisation is Good for the NHS | John McTernan
Keep Juncker’s Hands Off the City | Allister Heath
Britain’s New Enemies: Immigrants & Capitalists | FT
Today’s 1914 Parallels | Jeremy Warner
David Ward’s Holocaust Denier Friends | Harry's Place
Grayling: Bercow Faces Questions | Sun
Paul Flynn Could Learn a Lot From a Trip to Israel | Breitbart
50 Shades of Grayling | Speccie
Bercow’s £12,000 of VIP Sporting Freebies | Sun
Aldous Huxley v George Orwell | FatPita
Blinkered BBC is Ripe for Reform | David Keighley


new-advert
Westbourne-Change-Opinion Guido-hot-button (1)


Knifed former civil service chief Bob Kerslake on his recent troubles:

“Many thks for kind wishes following back opn. Incision measured 16cm. A pretty big knife in the back! Photos on request.”



TJ says:

And i’ve noticed that 100% of Guido Fawkes staff are men. Looks like Guido has a woman problem. Or is it an hypocrisy problem?


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS




AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads