August 10th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Keep Your Friends Close Edition)


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Now where is that knife that Ed lent me”

  2. 2
    Blair Supporter says:

    (Dave thinks): Tony’s not watching me, is he?

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    “I WILL get some stardust even if i do have to hug him”

  4. 4
    Dave says:

    Nibble my ear Boris, I like a bit of passion when I’m being fucked!

  5. 5
    ToonBob... says:

    “That’s right Boris, five million more to the Syrians, let’s see how that woman on the radio show likes it now!”

  6. 6
    fruitcake says:

    See nasty hobbits’s? Boris myyyy precious.

  7. 7
    I Squiggle says:

    Et tu, Brute?

  8. 8
    Darrol Skinner says:

    Someone’s Taking The ‘BhangraFit’ Out Of Me

  9. 9
    Kebab Time says:

    “Kiss me quick before Nick Clegg sees “

  10. 10
  11. 11
    Warren Valentine says:

    Boris’ latest squeeze

  12. 12
    caedmonscat says:

    (Dave:) Now, where did I put me knife?

  13. 13
    I Squiggle says:

    “Psst.. You even think about trying to get my job, and I’ll release the file..”

  14. 14
    Lord Coe (Ca-Cola) says:

    “And there’s no point in sticking your tongue into my ear, I’m still going to oust you…”

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    Is Cameron administering an extremely powerful, slow-release enema, dear?

  17. 17
    Winston Smith says:

    Floreat ye-boner.

  18. 18
    And Finally says:

    Trevor MacDonald cleans camera lens with own tongue!

  19. 19
    a non says:

    Dave hoping for a reconciliation but Boris keeps his zip wired.

  20. 20
    Kebab Time says:

    “One of the missing Cameroons spotted with Mayor of London”

  21. 21
    Mrs Entity says:

    Enjoy your poll ratings Boris BUT try for leadership and you’ll find yourself buried under on of my father in laws wind turbines! Capeesh

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Get out of the way so I can see the volley ball girls

  23. 23
    SHALANE says:


  24. 24
    Captain Birds Eye says:

    Boris I am out of it and happy, where can I get more of that doping stuff from?

  25. 25
    I Squiggle says:

    ”cooorby, cooooorby, coooooorby..”

  26. 26
    Moussa Koussa says:

    There there dave, dont worry, not long before we are both not PM

  27. 27
    La Fold says:

    “I know it was you Fredo… I know it was you!”

  28. 28

    Dave: ‘Who ever made Beach Volleyball an Olympic sport is a fucking genius!’

    Boris: ‘True dat!’

  29. 29
    Saltpetre says:

    “Boris, you are a ‘AAA’ kind of guy”

  30. 30
    AC1 says:

    Boris physically prevents another Camoron U-Turn.

  31. 31
    I Squiggle says:


  32. 32
    Another Engineer says:

    “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”

  33. 33
    Ulrike says:

    Sure…it IS great to see you. But that bottle over there still seems pretty attractive. One has to set priorities.

  34. 34
    Seano says:

    You will feel a small prick as I drive this knife into your back Boris!!

  35. 35
    AC1 says:

    Boris and Camoron in BI-partisan agreement.

  36. 36
    Michael says:

    “Your hair smell good”

  37. 37
    bobalot says:

    That’s right little Davey I’m your Daddy too.

  38. 38

    Αγκαλιές και φιλιά

  39. 39
    William Hague says:

    Al-Qaeda in UK = 30yrs+ in pokey.

    Al-Qaeda in muzzieland = UK taxpayer money plus inviation to No. 10 and The White House.

    Alles klar?

  40. 40
    David says:

    Conjoined twins re unite

  41. 41
    Stephanie Lear says:

    Pssst, I,ve got a flask of Jura in my pocket. Well a guy needs to relax sometimes and only the best for the P.M.

  42. 42

    Dave and Boris have a Greek Hug.

  43. 43
    stuart hutchings says:

    Mmmmmmm….. The Jura’s out!

  44. 44
    Oscar India says:

    “Let go of me David, the magic doesn’t literally rub off”.

  45. 45
    Guacamole, sir? says:

    “Is that your Johnson in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    They won’t suspect a thing……………

  47. 47
    Tubsturtle says:

    10% off Photoshop!

  48. 48
    illogical says:

    Iconic clutch moment for UK ‘sports’.
    “If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you’re going to be cockeyed today”. [Anonymous]

  49. 49
    sweat in gordon's crack says:

    please dont f*ck me, just hug me…

  50. 50
    Robert Wilkin says:

    “Yes, she did say she’s a pole vaulter Boris, but that’s an event not an invitation.”

  51. 51
    jalcock1982 says:

    “Gee, Brain. What are we going to do tonight?” “The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.”

  52. 52
    beast says:

    Twatty watch

  53. 53
    Colin Coonie says:

    Next time I’ll not just leave you hanging I’ll cut the wire!

  54. 54
    Simon Harley says:

    “In the manner of Cæsar, I hereby announce my candidacy for that superlative riding of Corby … er, steady on Dave! No time for Wiff Waff now!”

  55. 55
    The Winner says:


  56. 56
    Aunty Matter says:

    Boris to the loser: “Fuck off”

  57. 57
    Roger The lodger says:

    Back, Boris, back. She’s IN the game, not ON the game.

  58. 58
    Sniper says:

    Oh, go on, let me show you how to “Agree with Nick”.

  59. 59
    Twisted Nerve says:

    Πίσω σε σας

  60. 60
    Another Engineer says:

    Might have helped if I’d looked at Guido’s title…doh.

    Never mind, I prefer the Paps of Jura to the whisky…

  61. 61
    Anonymouse says:

    Et tu Boris?

  62. 62
    YorkshireLad says:

    Boris “Just as well I wear a cricketers’ box when I’m at a function with you, Prime Minister”

  63. 63
    Who, me? says:

    You’re my besht mate, you are, *hic*. I love you, *hic*. Hee hee, Cleggy’s a right… *gulp*, *retch*, *oooaaaaarrrrr*…

  64. 64
    Middleagedbloke says:

    Eton Boys, Eton Boys
    Old School ties and Olympic toys
    Eton Boys, Eton Boys,
    They call us the Olympic Cowboys

  65. 65
    gramma says:

    Sibling rivalry
    The jury’s still out;
    The Jura’s in.
    Where oh where was / is the Jurex?

  66. 66
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Look, another wet otter!

  67. 67
    annette curton says:

    Another penis springs out from the back of Borises head.

  68. 68
    Sarah says:

    “Ooh Boris, you big hunk, I’m going to stick my big wet tongue right in your ear!! But I’d rather have a wee dram of Superstition”

  69. 69
    Forkbender says:

    At least there can be no kids out of this one

  70. 70
    scott lomax says:

    you know you right?I REALLY love you boris!!I know Ive had a few but you are ace and I love you loads man….bleeeeuuuurrrgghhhhh!!!

  71. 71
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I am a Bullshitter myself, but, I do like to hear a professional at it. So please continue!!’

  72. 72
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Come on Guido, there is a BIG difference between “a bottle of Jura Superstition” and a “Jura Superstition bottle”.

  73. 73
    Daniel says:

    Having lost his MoJo Dave cuddles up to his BoJo


    Peirs Morgan realises that Boris must be disposed of if his career as a Call me Dave look a like is to flourish after he’s been sacked by CNN

  74. 74

    Can’t post it – far too crude.

  75. 75

    “Et tu, Boris?”

  76. 76
    Mary Whitehouse says:

    No tongues Boris , Osbourne might be watching

  77. 77
    jOEDAL says:


  78. 78
    illogical says:

    Dave gets excited about the competition prize before Boris consoles him that undoubtedly Hárry will still drink it all.

  79. 79
    Warren Valentine says:

    Stand out winner…

  80. 80
    TV Dave says:

    Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul
    But I do love thee! And when I love thee not,
    Chaos is come again.

  81. 81
    iamtdogg says:

    “Congratulations old chap we couldnt have wrecked the country without you”

  82. 82
  83. 83
    wight tory says:

    DC “Bloody hell, I’ve managed to get stuck on your Zip Boris!”

    BJ “Never mind, Guido will never describe you of being a cock-sure, opportunist tosser, looking for a leg up from somebody who knows how to win an election. That will be Ed’s line”

  84. 84
    dickiebo says:

    “Your back, Boris. Your back!!!”

  85. 85
    Lycan says:

    Senior tories show their support for marriage equality

  86. 86
    Egaraf says:

    There goes another rib. Not long before you fail to win the jockjuice moosa.

  87. 87
    Camerhoon - clinging to Boris, says:

    Hold me Boris – I feel safe with you!

  88. 88
    Widescreen2010 says:

    Sit down and zip up your flies for Christ’s sake – at least wait until the volleyball match has finished!

  89. 89
    Phil Colbourne says:

    You’re my best mate, give us a kiss

  90. 90
    Martin Day says:

    Boris to Dave ” Dave please stop fondling my buttocks with you left hand. I had thought that would have grown out of that by now.”

  91. 91
    orkneylad says:

    “Oh Dave you’re wearing your drunk face; now hand over your keys.”

  92. 92
    smoggie says:

    And now we join the Olympic final of the Eton wall game….. the winner being the first one to bring some balls into No 10.

  93. 93

    Don’t be stupid.

    Get it out for everyone to see.

    (just a comment)

  94. 94

    *This is not an entry*

  95. 95
    Tom Tomos says:


  96. 96
    whatever says:

    DC – “OK. On three – you let go of my balls and I take my thumb out your arse – just like in the Bullingdon days…”

  97. 97
    Tom Tomos says:

    Can you ride tandem?

  98. 98
    Ray says:

    Did you hear the one about the Lib Dem guy who wanted to change the House of Lords?

  99. 99
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Aw Boris, reach around and remove that knife in my back that Nick Clegg shoved in.

  100. 100
    MNK says:

    We were only discussing Homer…

  101. 101

    Boris: This is inconceivable.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Hi Brutus

  103. 103

    You are not the only one, mate!!

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Back off woman he’s mine!

  105. 105
    FlossIsBoss says:

    Is that a knife in my back, or are you just pleased to see me?

  106. 106
    Kirsty says:

    Dave: They don’t suspect a thing!

    Boris: *maniacal laugh*

  107. 107
    gramma says:

    Dave seeking confirmation that Boris is both a mensch and unmenschionable.

  108. 108
    Patrick says:

    Nicola James said she really fancies you.

  109. 109
    Kenneth Wolstenholme says:

    It is now!

  110. 110
    Rob Hughes says:

    I dare you to tell him he’s won a bald medal.

  111. 111
    a non says:

    Public enemy number 1 discusses game tactics with pubic enemy number 1 at the Ladies volleyball- UK v Germany.
    Dave hoping for a draw.
    Boris hoping for drawers.

  112. 112
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Boris, Seb Coe is scaring me.

  113. 113
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Calm down, David, it’s only a mouse.”

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    He shouldn’t have had that 15th Jaegerbomb.

  115. 115
    Legal Crook says:

    DC thinks: ‘no one will notice if I knee him in the bollocks’

  116. 116
    towerofbabble says:

    Mo, Mo, Mo! Mo’, Boris, mo’…!!!!

  117. 117
    AC1 says:

    Boris and Cam felt overdressed at the Love Parade.

  118. 118
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Cameron saying: I’ve tried Boris, but I can’t hold back my urges for you any longer! Tell me how to win.

  119. 119
    Legal Crook says:

    ‘Hang on Boris you’re nearly at the vinegar strokes’

  120. 120
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave eyed Boris’s trouser tent with a mixture of awe and disgust.

  121. 121
    Yeah, right... says:

    Cameron pregnant, shock…..

  122. 122

    The Partaker meets the Caretaker.

  123. 123
    Bishop Brennan says:


  124. 124
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Oh how I’ve missed our regular Greco-Roman wrestling bouts.

  125. 125
    John says:

    La vendetta è un piatto che va mangiato freddo

  126. 126

    Dave swaps Cleggover for Legover.

  127. 127
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave demonstrated his policy position on pretty much everything.

  128. 128
    Baffled says:

    I used to see the picture on these caption contest thingies, but now I never do, even if I disable all my ad blocks etc. Something has gone wrong… Can everyone else see it, whatever it is?

  129. 129
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “Il Baccio Della Morte!”, courtesy Judas Iscameron.

  130. 130
    Remo Williams says:

    Now, while he’s distracted, I’ll give him a wedgie!

  131. 131
    Call me Dave says:

    Listen, I know I am a complete and utter cock, but its not your turn to be Mr Leader yet

  132. 132
    Nullbymouth says:

    *Prays for coitus interruptus*

  133. 133

    College Wall wins for the first time in over a decade.

  134. 134
    everyone else says:

    Nope. We’re just firing off random comments.

  135. 135
    Baffled says:

    Ah, my problem is a particular filter from wordpress. Works if I switch that off. But then there’s an ad visible. What AM I to do.

  136. 136
    Nullbymouth says:

    Boris – “Dave whoaa! just hold on a minute. Just what sort of a guy do you think I am Eh?…

    Tits first”

  137. 137
    Nullbymouth says:

    Sod it, click it and make a purchase

  138. 138
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Insert between second and thirds ribs Dave , then wait for the little gurgle sound.”

  139. 139
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Honest Boris, you are my bestest, bestest friend. “

  140. 140
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    ” Wait till I get you home bitch”

  141. 141
    Tom Tomos says:


  142. 142
    Narrow Squeek says:

    Dave only just about stops a stumbling Boris from crushing Prince Phillip!

  143. 143
    DZ says:

    Boris grabs Dave with the left handed Bullingdon ball crunch as Dave goes for the backdoor Melvin

  144. 144
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    Caligula made his horse a consul Boris but that doesn’t mean you have to boast about being hung like one.

  145. 145
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave felt that it was quite the filthiest joke he had ever been told.

  146. 146
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    Dave ‘s clumsy attempt to pickpocket copy of paternity injunction from Boris goes horribly wrong

  147. 147

    At the extreme risk of being misunderstood, I agree with your preference…

  148. 148
    Sniper says:

    No David, we are not “fuggin fambly” and I am not your best mate.

  149. 149
    Anonymous says:

    There’s one for something called “Arrymess”. I think it’s a hair product.

  150. 150

    Comprehensive Scum Playing The Eton Wall Game:

  151. 151
    the savant says:

    speak italian you cretin

  152. 152
    the savant says:

    jura superstion ??

    isn t that the old elvis presley number ?

  153. 153
    Jolly Boating Weather says:

    At last! It’s jolly boating weather, what the f**k are we doing dresses like a pair of stiffs.

  154. 154
    The Last, Desperate Hope of the Flailing, Failing, F*ctUp Tory Party says:

    We Eton Chaps must stick together, – like shit to a blanket if need be!

  155. 155

    (and this is the toned down version)

    Is it just me or does Boris look like he has just finished a rampant quickie shag while Dave looks like he has just had the most dreamy come ever?

    Perhaps they are practicing for what Boris is about to do to Dave in the political world!!

  156. 156
    beast says:

    Mano a Nano

  157. 157
    Jimbo says:

    After divorcing his wife of 25 years, Barney Rubble carries his new lover over the threshold.

  158. 158
    Dönmeh Turk Boris Johnson says:

    Oy vey! The people know who’s behind Turkey and why I want Turkey in the EU!

  159. 159

    (Please forgive me but I have just published on smashwords/amazon [it will take 12 hours there] a quickie called “Political Pussy” where a female politician tries to corrupt a woman and she ends up screwing her – use your imagination. So policians and sex are very much on my mind at this precise moment.)

  160. 160
    Ah! Monika says:

    Olympic Blond.

  161. 161
    Ah! Monika says:

    The eyes have it
    The eyes have it.

  162. 162
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Just my luck to end up with the fat one. Wonder if it’s a real blond?

  163. 163
    Ah! Monika says:

    Hug him.
    I’d like to throttle him.

  164. 164
    johnslinger1 says:

    You scratch my back, I’ll stab yours!

  165. 165
    AC1 says:

    Dave “Haha, Have you seen the tab for this shite! Lucky we’re expensing it.”

  166. 166
    Bring Back Blair says:

    Mmmm Boris, I love that “just cycled” smell.

  167. 167
    beast says:

    May I just add
    Botox boy is trying to show dominance
    Alex (the one who pretends to be Boris) is just shrugging him off
    mark my words 3 years and Alex will have shagged Sam Cam and be in Number 10 installing a mirrored ceiling for COBRA meetings

  168. 168
    AC1 says:

    Boris is concentrating on the 5 rings, whereas Dave’s concentrating on Boris’ ring.

  169. 169
    Roscoe Rules says:

    “Boris I’m scared.who are these people?”
    “Don’t be scared David it’s only the great unwashed we read about at Eton”

  170. 170
    Bexie in Schweiss says:

    “Oh yeah Dave, thats the spot…”

    Alternatively “Dave, you can take your finger out of my a**e now”

  171. 171

    Wow! Just look at that You-Gov Poll go!

  172. 172
    Nick R says:

    Boris: Whatever it takes, Prime Minister – even if I have to carry you over the line!

  173. 173
    Boris Johnson aide Simon Walsh says:

    Don’t worry, Boris, I’m right behind you, ready to give you a good Fisting!

  174. 174
    Sandy Jamieson says:

    “When I heard you were hanging from a wire, I immediately thought of Mussolini”

  175. 175
    Mitch says:

    The moment of realisation: Boris finally finds out that after many years of grooming, ‘DC’ is at long last contemplating ‘AC/DC’ after a few drams of Superstition!!

  176. 176
    ooh Matron says:

    Boris: I think you may have misunderstood the meaning of “getting stuck on a zip”.

  177. 177
    Lord Egbert Nobacon says:

    Cameron celebrates winning Olympic gold medal for chillaxing…LOL

  178. 178
    Anonymous says:


  179. 179
    JamesJones says:

    Cam “Just play nice and smile for the Cameras and I’ll give you your bloody airport”

  180. 180
    Merwynd Santos says:

    Hehe, do you know who is this chick behind me? I wanna have a toast of Jura Whisky with her tonight. ;)

  181. 181
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    I need to remind myself of the NB and comment 1.

  182. 182
    taC eht abbaJ says:

    BoJo, after the games are over, I’m going to make you my bitch…

  183. 183
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    Οι Έλληνες εφηύραν το

  184. 184

    Yeah! We know… Nobody believes us either.

  185. 185
    2nd time around says:

    Το “αστείο” δεν ήταν αστεία την πρώτη φορά

  186. 186
    Calamity Clegg says:

    O/T But who the fuck agreed to this ? Do you want a fucking war?

  187. 187
    beast says:

    Two fat fuckers promise a lot but deliver fuck all

    MEssagespace encapsulated

  188. 188

    Όλοι είναι αιμορραγία κλασικά λόγιος σήμερα …

  189. 189

    Ήμουν ο πρώτος!

  190. 190
    Anonymous says:

    Why bother? – They all had small tits.

  191. 191
    Slowhand says:


  192. 192
    Evil Landlord says:

    See comment 172

  193. 193
    Christopher Myers says:

    That is exactly what I said.

  194. 194
    Durr... says:

    Get your bloody arm from around my shoulder you bloody “has been” shit.

  195. 195
    Daniel says:

    EXCLUSIVE: Cameron’s real reason for supporting Gay marriage

  196. 196
    Stephen says:

    Boris : “I could kill you with my thumb, you know”

  197. 197
    Popeye says:

    I really, really hate you Johnson.

  198. 198
    Dante says:

    Far to subtle for someone who buys their socks from Primark

  199. 199
    Lord Coe & Co Ltd says:

    Can you win a medal in the Olympics without having overcome 3 broken legs , 2 broken spines, child sexual abuse and a lifetime of lack of financial support.

  200. 200
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Leave it out Boris. Cable’s not worth it. “

  201. 201
    BBc mong says:

    Absolutely, absolutely , absolutely.

  202. 202
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “But Dave, I gotta go. It’s a combination of Beach Volleyball and a day out with Wendy Deng. Beach fucking volleyball and Wendy Deng”

  203. 203
    Jimmy says:

    He may want to avoid Eton Dorney for the foreseeable

  204. 204
    Jimmy says:

    No, the genius is the man who decided to hold it right outside his office window.

  205. 205
    πρωκτός says:

    Μπίλι Botty

  206. 206
    Elvis says:

    “Why, I can smile and murder while I smile” HenryVI pt 3

  207. 207
    Nick Booth says:

    Mayor Culpa

  208. 208
    4-chan says:


  209. 209
    James121 says:

    I warned you nobody finishes my Jura

  210. 210
    Officer Dibble says:

    Fuck me, I never could get the hang of that Vulcan Death Grip

  211. 211
    Pinky says:


  212. 212
    Will says:

    Cam: That wasn’t a paracetamol, I’m rushing my nuts off…. what’s your name again?

  213. 213
    Anonymous says:

    I thought it was supposed to be a kiss not a hug when you pass the torch

  214. 214
    Henry Brubaker says:

    D.C.: When you become PM you aren’t gonna have me killed are you?

  215. 215
    Tom Watson ate my horse. says:

    “If you don’t cut it out Bozzer, I’ll get Willie to send in some radios and other non-military stuff to loca London rioters”.

  216. 216
    Anonymous says:

    One for the road Dave?

  217. 217
    tlillis4 says:

    “Et tu, David?

    Nunc cadit maioris.”

  218. 218
    Boris Johnson says:

    “Oh, you can call me Bo, or you can call me Jo, or you can call me BoJo, or you can call me Boris, or you can call me Mayor, or you can call me Al, or you can call me a taxicab– but you doesn’t has to call me Johnson!”

  219. 219
    Greychatter says:

    Dave: Proper Marriage or a Civil Partnership?

    Boris: Bogoff!!

  220. 220
    daedalus says:

    “I know it was you, Fredo … and it breaks my heart”

  221. 221
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Remembering the Eton days!

  222. 222
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Government launches gay marriage ad!

  223. 223
    J Webb says:

    Cameron: “Come on then old boy, one last hug for the BBC cameras before I return you to Madame Tussaud’s.”

  224. 224
    J Webb says:

    Johnson: “Ooo David – I never knew you cared!”
    Cameron: “I don’t. I just wanted to put some chewing gum in your hair.”

  225. 225
    Tractor Gent says:

    Dave: Just so you know Boris, Vladimir’s a great mate and he has some *very* useful friends.

  226. 226
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Boris, do be a good chap and let go of my balls before the protection officer is forced to shoot you”

  227. 227
    a non says:

    From Cameron’s expression it is difficult to decide if he thinks Boris is a friend or an enema.

  228. 228
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    ” Drink ……feck ….Beach Volleyball …..feck”

  229. 229
    Mad Frankie's Older Sister says:

    “Drink ……feck ….Beach Volleyball …..feck”

  230. 230
    Anonymous says:

    ” I bloodyyy luvv youuuuu”

  231. 231
    daveyone1 says:

    ” I’ll come out if you do!”

  232. 232
    adam cran says:

    give me a kiss and a cuddle boris and we can pull this country back out of the recession after the olympics have finished

  233. 233
    Simples says:

    Toff love.

  234. 234
    Spooky the cat says:

    Sometimes I wish I could be more like Gordon and just chuck a bloody phone at him!

  235. 235
    It doesn't add up... says:

    I’m going to marry him.

  236. 236
    Simples says:

    From Brasenose to Brownose.

  237. 237
    Old Grumpy says:

    Now a quick adjustment and the strangle hold is complete!

  238. 238
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Cameron: “If we keep up this love hate thing – we’ll fool them like Blair and Brown did.”

    BoJo: “Bonzer, spiffing, tickety boo – were on our way; what ho! and … we’ve got Rupee on board too.”

  239. 239
    TGF UKIP says:

    The lady on the left is saying:

    “It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway. I’m following the rest and joining UKIP”

  240. 240
    anonymouse says:

    Had a shower today Boris@

  241. 241
    john mackie says:

    I come to bury Boris, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones; So let it be with Boris.

  242. 242
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    They think they are back at Eton.

  243. 243
    Nigel Cheffers-Heard says:

    “But luckily, like most Old Bullingdonians, he knew Myles Jackman…”

  244. 244
    General the Lord Pritchard Dammit says:

    Have you a tissue? One of us has made an Eton Mess.

  245. 245
    Barry says:

    So where have you left your daughter this time?

  246. 246
    Surrey Puma says:

    “Good job that super injunction worked”

  247. 247
    PETER MANGLEDBUM (Lord of the Rings) says:

    Cock jockeying for positions

  248. 248
    PETER MANGLEDBUM (Lord of the Rings) says:

    A picture of the Tory leader and his predecessor

  249. 249
    Hugh Janus says:

    But wonderful buttocks.

  250. 250
    PETER MANGLEDBUM (Lord of the Rings) says:

    Sorry Davey Ducks but
    I like Tottie

  251. 251
    Paul says:

    Dave getting on top of the big issue in his Party

  252. 252
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    That’s a great new Olympic policy Boris – a minimum 38D cup size in the women’s beach volleyball.

  253. 253
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    Boris; which one? There’s hundreds out there.

  254. 254
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    Move along there dear; your medication is on the way.

  255. 255
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:


  256. 256
    Andy Pandy says:

    Why is my Prime Minister together with the Mayor of London being photographed together drunk in public?

    Remember too that the Mayor of London was returned to office with the very slimmest of majorities and the Prime Minister if I remember correctly did not even get a majority.

    They should both know better.

  257. 257
    Andy Pandy says:

    William Mark Anthony Hague

  258. 258
    Barnehurst Bob says:

    DAVE: Awww, I love the smell of ambition!!

    BORIS: Have I got news for you! I hate the smell of mediocrity!

  259. 259
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Boris: ‘Hey, Bolt old chap, over here. Dave wants to hear how to run and win’.

  260. 260
    Tim says:

    ‘Boris, let’s see what we can bungle today. Anything will do that leaves you hanging around looking silly whist the general public laugh, that way we can hide other mistakes that this Goverment has made and get away with it as usual…’

  261. 261
    Jovan says:

    Laura Trott and Jason Kenny didn’t expect these particular imitators…

  262. 262
    C. A. Fortescue says:

    “His voters, as they dried their eyes,
    Said, “Well–it gives me no surprise,
    He would not do as he was told!”
    His Party, who were self-controlled,
    Bade all the members round attend
    To Cameron’s miserable end,
    And always keep a-hold of Boris
    For fear of finding something worse.”

    H/T to Hillaire…

  263. 263
    wight tory says:

    DC – “Here Booboo, I’ve written a song for conference”

    “The Labour debt is deepest red,
    It leave our prospects truly dead,
    The poor will go stiff and cold,
    They believed the lies that were told.
    Then raised the borrowings bloody high. (chorus)
    Within this raid we’ll live and die,
    The cowards pinched and Brownites sneer,
    Although we can’t afford a beer.”

    Boris ” And they say I’m the barmy one”

  264. 264
    Tom McEwan says:

    We can end the night with a wee dram or two…what you think big boy

  265. 265
    Dave says:

    “If you liked that, wait until you see what I pull out of his arsehole now … “

  266. 266
    left foot forward... says:

    boris finds the

  267. 267
    Earl Woodford says:

    mmmmmh, Chanel No 5!

  268. 268
    terrytory says:

    Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes

  269. 269
    Mad frankies older sister says:

    Et tu balls

  270. 270
    Death-firesDancedAtNight says:

    “Hold off! unhandle me loon! …
    “Instead of the cross, the albatross
    About my neck was hung.” (Courtesy, Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

  271. 271
    lagwolf says:

    “He clings to me still, yet I am his doom!”

  272. 272
    It doesn't add up... says:

    Reader, I married him.

  273. 273
    Great Granddad says:

    (Thinks) I’m over the moon. Boris said that I can be his SPAD.

  274. 274
    The Anglo Saxon says:

    Boris my dear fellow, does your wife know about those two little filly’s your still shagging ? Were don’t have visions of grandeur, do we now.

  275. 275
    bob says:

    DAVE “boris Becks has just tipped me the paps are snapping us when you tongue me.”
    BORIS “who gives a shit, its better out in the open.”

  276. 276
    geewizz says:

    Boris loves a Cumeron his Johnson

  277. 277
    Qui Bono says:

    DC: These fools actually think there is a difference between us.

    BJ: These aren’t just initials Dave, remember Eton? you know what to do.

  278. 278
    Mad frankies older sister says:

    Dave was overcome as he congratulated the new Leader

  279. 279
    Vacant Possession says:

    Cameron hugs Boris and gets the clap…

  280. 280
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Dave to Boris – I would watch out for that fellow Seb Coe if I was you. After the success of running the Olympics and with his tremendous popularity, it wouldn’t surprise me if he fancied your job.

  281. 281
    Penfold says:

    Ah bless, they’re playing the Eton Ball Game.

  282. 282
    Ah! Monika says:

    Hey !!!!!!!
    Get your own comments.

  283. 283
    Andrew M says:

    smells like team spirit

  284. 284
    happybirthday says:

    Dave: Intoxicating!
    Johnson’s baby shampoo or Timotei?

    Boris: What happens in London stays in London.

  285. 285
    Bimbling says:

    “David, David, David! Don’t worry, this time it’s just a metaphorical fucking?”

  286. 286
    AnalStatistician says:

    “When I kiss him – shoot!”

  287. 287
    TomCatesby says:

    ‘Your the next one up for the high jump Boris!’

  288. 288

    Now if I can just remember the right way to position my hands to perform the Ryo-te-jime stranglehold which stopped Hague in his tracks!

  289. 289
    TGF UKIP says:

    Dave: “By the way Boris, did you know there were photographs and guess who’s got them”

    Boris: “Oh shit!”

  290. 290
    TGF UKIP says:

    Dave: “But Boris, Bullingdon Boys never do each other down, do they”

    Boris: “Wrong Dave, I’m afraid, it’s only Bullingdon Boys who can hold their drink who don’t get done down”

  291. 291
    TGF UKIP says:

    Dave: “By the way Boris, I believe Helen Macintyre has a book with the publishers, it’s called, apparently, “Happy Families”

    Boris: “Oh cripes!”

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Split the Left | Tim Montgomerie
Liz Kendall For Leader | Indy
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Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

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