August 7th, 2012

Twitter Bitch Fight of the Week: Hain v Guido
Hain in Spain a Bit of a Pain

Guido is a getting a bit worried about Peter Hain. Yesterday the former Labour minister was lounging by the pool in sunny Spain and decided to pick a fight. Today he came back for more, which is never a good idea. There is not room for the whole conversation here, but this is a flavour:

The sun must have gone to his head…


  1. 1
    Who? says:


    • 18
      Obvious, innit. says:

      Nana Darko-Frempong was the wife of Grampa Darko-Frempong.


      • 23
        Anonymous says:

        Any relation to Donnie?


        • 31
          Obvious, innit. says:

          No, but for a moment I had an image of an airliner’s engine falling on Chukup Umunna’s head.

          Which was nice.


          • Nice to see the LiBore Truth Trolls hijacking the comments early to divert attention from bully boy Hain.

            It is typical of the troughing Champagne Sociopath to insult and accuse opponents of bullying, inebriation, lying, corruption and incompetence when that is precisely what he is doing.

            Why do the Labour Party think mendacious thugs like Hain and Balls have any redeeming qualities, because most certainly are not servants of the people.


      • 99
        Who do you think your are? says:

        Are those the Newcastle Darko-Frempong’s of Railway sidings?


    • 30
      Plato says:

      What the F*ck is Twitter all about??

      I genuinely do not get it – why is it so popular?


      • 40
        The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey says:

        Fuck knows. Ask 13illy 8otty.


      • 43
        Banal Britain says:


        It’s like a f*cking disease, infecting everything it touches.

        View any British newspaper’s website (including, dear God, the Telegraph) and every story seems to be “Twitter twitter tweet tweet someone tweeted twitter twitter tweet”.

        Is there no end to it?


      • 141
        Arghhh says:

        It’s attention seekers giving each other attention in the belief that more than a handful are actually watching or care. It’s even more fleeting than blogs.


      • 146
        Procrustes says:

        Thinking and spelling not required -perfect for MPs


      • 162

        I’ve been trying to get to grips with it myself. It has potential in that, while blog owners can block you from commenting on their pages, Twitter lets you shout out to whoever is ‘Following’ you, or even just browsing and happens to see your name. Detractors can’t prevent that. You may not *have* many Followers, but size isn’t everything, and if your Tweets ‘trend’, you might catch a few ears…

        In practice, it’s empty jugs that make the moist nose, though.

        (Did I smell ‘practice’ right?)


    • 86
      Hain factoid No13 says:

      When Peter Hain ever gets sunburn he simply peels him self a new skin.


    • 125
      Brown out and pay me damages says:

      What an arsehole.


  2. 2
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    What’s wrong with having an alcohol problem, dear?


  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Actually looks more to me like you lost that one guido, delusional as you are though


    • 14
      Damn says:


      Guido, have you actually read the conversation?! Those tweets are him pounding you while ignoring your responses, while your best hit is a link to a Tory newspaper criticising a Labour MP. I mean…


      • 27
        Peter Hains 50 shades of orange says:

        So by refusing to engage Guido and answer the points being directed at him you consider that a victory ??? Hmmmm


        • 94
          Guido's handlers says:

          Oy vey! Time to put the pissed up prick out of his misery.


          • COMRADE X FROM CPUK says:

            Well done comrade, now turn to page 25 of the smear handbook where you will find some fresh and original insults.


      • 104
        Super zuffle says:

        Sounds like it has rattled you. Job well done guido :)


    • 50
      Another Anonymous says:

      The impression I got was of a man so twisted and embittered by the circumstances which led to his departure that he can’t let go – even when he is supposed to be on holiday and getting away from it all.

      Everyone else is relaxing around the pool and enjoying a pleasant afternoon while all Hain can think of is grabbing his mobile device and starting a virtual fight. You might expect that kind of tunnel-vision behaviour from a hot-headed teenager fuelled with an excess of testosterone and a deficit of self-control, but not from someone who is supposed to have had the maturity necessary to hold ministerial office.


      • 69
        Lord Stansted says:

        With a bit of luck, the stress will drive Hain to drink. If there is anything that so represnets the corruption, uselessness and full-faced incompetance of the last Labour government ii is piss useless Hain. If only BOSS had got him all those years ago!


        • 160
          taC eht abbaJ says:

          “If only BOSS had got him all those years ago!”

          Though I totally agree with the sentiment, the trouble was that in those days he was in reality such an insignificant ass wipe that he didn’t figure on anybody’s radar, merely in his own deluded mind…


        • 163

          Hey. Hey! HEY!

          What about the Hillsborough Agreement? I seem to recall Peter Hain, at the end of one broadcast of ‘Any Questions?’, where the question was ‘What will you be remembered for?’, thinking that people should remember him for that, and being quite disappointed that amid a number of suggestions, no-one thought of it…


      • 154
        Gordon Brown says:

        I don’t think he ever grew up did he? Still the same hideously orange bigot.


    • 59
      The Sheikh Of Arabeeee says:

      Did he fuck as like. That fucking orange-tinted fucking sack of rancid fucking chimpanzee smeg couldn’t fucking persuade me to get out of a fucking car, because I’d automatically assume that the spunkbubble was fucking lying to me.


    • 87
      blobby says:

      Hain is an MP ffs! He’s let himself be goaded into behaving like a child, in public! He’s not fit for office.
      I bet Guido’s laughing his head off.


    • 101
      Super zuffle says:

      Must be a quiet afternoon in Labour HQ


      • 111
        Boudicca says:

        Bain is a pompous joke with a comedy tan and a questionable attitude to political donations and expenses who was mates with Mugabe.
        He’s best ignored.


      • 157
        Pickled Wizard says:

        There’s not enough of them at labour HQ to make it busy (last one out shut the door etc., ad nauseum)


  4. 4
    keredybretsa says:

    Is it true that Tweeters can Tweet theeir brains away?


    • 12
      Twitty twatty twoo says:

      Whenever I almost give in and think, “I really should try Twitter, if only for a day” I read another dose of banal crap that spews forth from it and remember why I avoid it like the plague.


      • 37
        keredybretsa says:

        I’ll surely drink to that!!


        • 74
          Lord Stansted says:

          me too!


          • Me too

            It is hilarious to see these self important twits get all bitter and twisted over bollocks no one cares about.

            Tweeting is a free put on your reputation as your victories are forgotten, but your gaffs rehashed ad infinitum.

            Keep tweeting bollocks and we’ll keep thinking what fucking idiots you are for doing it


  5. 5

    Play the ball not the tan, Mr Fawkes.


  6. 6
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Hain is probably very bitter after Guido exposed his venal corruption and utter incompetence.


    • 147 says:

      I thought Hain had dyed? It’s not him tweeting – it’s his pensioner mum.


  7. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    Has he gone to Spain to get a bit paler?


  8. 8
    Peter Hains 50 shades of orange says:

    Coming to a bookstore near you !


  9. 9
    Tuscan Tony says:

    On the subject of spats Guido, 2 consecutive Private Eyes, 2 consecutive character assassinations of you.

    Whatever is Hislop thinking?


  10. 10
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    I remember in the 60s going down to Swansea to see some cricket when South Africa was visiting.

    When I got to the ground there were police helmets all over the place and Hain was there organizing a near riot.

    When I asked a policeman what time the cricket was going to start he said never.

    I then tried to have a pint in the Bay View and it was all boarded up.

    That is what happens when Mr Hain is in action: no cricket and no beer and no word of sorrow.


  11. 11
    DZ says:

    Who the fuck is Peter Hain?


  12. 15
    Robin Banks says:

    Hain represents everything that is bad about the Labour Party.


  13. 16
    Lord Scalded Bollock says:

    As arbitrator in this twitter bitch fight,there really is only one way to solve this.

    Each contestant will have 30 minutes to dig up as much of a cricket pitch as fast as they can,

    This may be a trip down memory lane for Peter Hain.


  14. 20
    SP4BS says:

    Wasn’t he set off by that “socialists can’t go to the south of france” story.

    You know, I bet you could float a “socialists can’t go to scotland” sort of spin in France.


  15. 22
    Ivan Agenda says:

    Hain is a totally OTT narcissistic politician of very limited abilities.
    Leave him on his lilo getting his tan further enhanced. It is the only thing that can be enhanced by him.
    There are much bigger fish to fry.


  16. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Why waste your time on that hasbeen Guido? He is just trying to wind you up.
    Ignore him; that will wind him up.
    Other matters of greater importance than that nonentity are more deserving of your attention.


    • 42
      Sir Aston Martin says:


      >hasbeen Guido

      The absent comma introduces a delicious ambiguity — you might be addressing Mr P. Hain :-)


  17. 28
    Tony Bliar resplendant in his white robes says:

    Even I disliked the subversive perma tanned little git


  18. 34
    He's talking to a TV Camera says:


    • 49
      Cruel and unusual punishment says:

      Poor sod. I felt sorry for Militwit before I read that, now I really pity him.


      • 58
        I don't need no doctor says:

        Where does Umunna live?


        • 71
          The Paragnostic says:

          In a very large house in Dulwich, on which death duties were avoided?

          One thing’s for sure – he wouldn’t lat five minutes in Tulse Hill.


        • 149
          the rectal surgeon says:

          up his own arse

          i know

          i operated on him for a suspected largish polyp and instead found
          his head in the colonic canal


      • 77
        Plonker says:

        There are 3 “residents” on the other side of the car park from Ed and they are walking away from him.


        • 105
          Tay King-dePisse says:

          “Yah mon, we watched ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ all de time!”, and then they found out who he REALLY was.


  19. 35
    Gary Lineker says:

    These overpaid Olympic athletes are full of shite. The don’t give a shit as long they can buy their next Bentley and get papped outside a club with their latest designer clothes and armfuls of tattoos, returning back to Wilmslow and their mansions with pools and tennis courts.

    Can’t wait for the football season to start so we can see the articulate, hard working footballers strive for personal achievement whilst setting a graet example.


  20. 35
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    Can you just fill us in on why Peter Hain had to resign as a Cabinet Minister when he had done nothing wrong?


  21. 44
    annette curton says:

    “Like all bullies doesn’t like it when people stand up to him”, it’s twitter for fucks sake, suffering from a virtual broken nose?.


  22. 45
    Hain factoid No56 says:

    In the 1960’s Hain was a long haired leftwing yob who tried to stop the Springboks playing England by sprinkling broken glass on the Rugby pitch.


  23. 46
    wavygravy says:

    Obviously the one who said that he had forced the resignation of a Conservative politician is the liar.
    Or was he just too pissed to tell the difference between resignation and suspension ?


  24. 48
    Kinnochio says:

    Peter hain is tottally and utterly discredited. He couldn’t even get a job on the Euro gravy train wiht me and my extended family. He’ll have to go back to robbing banks.


    • 143
      Hugh Janus says:

      Don’t forget that the utterly odious Peter Vain has a conviction for conspiracy, too.


  25. 51
    Socialist Twat says:

    Peter Hain to Captain Kirk while studying planet EU.
    “It’s democracy Jim,but not as we know it”


  26. 52
    Scamp The Excitable Dog says:

    ‘Peter’ ‘Hain’


    • 54
      Scamp The Excitable Dog says:



  27. 55
    Enquirer says:

    Isn’t Peter Hain an old has-been and someone who was (and maybe still is) associated with fiddles?


  28. 56
    I don't need no doctor says:

    If Hain is near Seville it would be hard to see him against all those Orange trees.


    • 68
      I don't need no doctor says:

      So he has kept up his life of crime, robbing the taxpayer. Remember the mining disaster in Wales. Hain was on every TV picture, the Orange shit.


  29. 60
    Hain factoid No47 says:

    It is only rumoured that Peter Hain robbed a bank in Putney in 1976 even through three schoolboys and the bank clerk identified Hain as the robber.


    • 109
      Kevin T says:

      It was a bit more than “rumoured”. The cu nt was tried for it. His story was South African agents employed a double to frame him!

      Remember that next time he’s going on about bankers.


  30. 63
    Roscoe Rules says:

    Would it be racist to call Hain a ‘Liquorice allsort’?
    Orange on the outside and…you know the rest.


  31. 64
    I don't need no doctor says:

    No one is dispuitin.
    That Vladimir Putin.
    Is just another Rasputin.


  32. 66
    alanincork says:

    Selling more used cars in Spain?
    Fear not, Hain is on the wane!
    Read the archive:


  33. 75
    Wally Wombat says:

    Peter Hain? Isn’t that the twat that prefers today’s fcuked up Zimbabwe to yesterday’s wonderful Rhodesia?


  34. 78
    The Paragnostic says:

    O/T, but RIP Sir Bernard Lovell – from where I grew up, we could see across the Cheshire plain, and Joddrell Bank was a bright shining beacon to British ingenuity.

    One of our greats.


  35. 80
    Hava Nagila says:

    I wouldn’t mess with Hain if I were you, Guido. You might end up getting blown up by his friends from South Africa. He’s got form for that, y’know, although, admittedly, it tends only to be septagenerian women who get blown up by Hain’s pals.


    • 135
      Fitbad the Tailor says:

      Hain has friends in South Africa? If so why didn’t he go back there when aparthied ceased? They could have done with his help. Perhaps it never meant as much to him as his political ambitions over here.


  36. 81
    blobby says:

    Has nobody told Hain that he comes across as a bit sad and pathetic on twitter? It would be easy to mistake him for a sad teenager tapping out his angst from his messy bedroom. Then again, anyone who goes out of their way to develop and maintain such a unnatural orange glow clearly has no self-awareness.

    With his repeated references to apartheid I think even he realises his best days are long behind him. The rest of his life is a bit of a disappointment. And he’s now reduced to firing off insults on twitter.


    • 83
      Hava Nagila says:

      With his repeated references to apartheid I think even he realises his best days are long behind him.

      If his best days consist of reading out Bible passages justifying the indiscriminate bombing of train stations and the murder of old ladies, I’d hate to see the fucker’s worst days.


  37. 84
    Hain factoid No29 says:

    When on his annual Spanish sailing holidays Peter Hain never wears a life preserver and can be easily seen 3 miles out to sea.


  38. 85
    Hains Half drunk Bottle washer says:

    Why isn’t the hoon in London supporting Team GB……Well at least supporting South Africa ?

    Seems a bit odd to fly all the way to sunny Spain just to spray yourself with fake tan


  39. 90
    D Dickinson (fellow crim allegedley) says:

    I’ll show him Orange


    • 106
      Hain factoid No21 says:

      Did you know that before getting in to politics Peter Hain worked as a lollipop man.


  40. 91
    There fixed it for you Peter says:

    Hain was never an influential MP and is now just propaganda for tired and discredited opposition


  41. 95
    Peter Hains Ego from a Naranja orchard in Espana says:

    I won get over it!


  42. 96
    Kevin T says:

    It’s bad enough we have to put up with our own superannuated student radicals. Why do we have to import other countries?

    F U C K OFF HAIN. Why don’t you want to live under the ANC, which you worked so hard to put in power?


  43. 98
    Hain factoid No76 says:

    Did you know Peter Hain tried to gain entry the London Olympics and was refused on the grounds that he was a Dutch football hooligan.


  44. 110
    ToonBob... says:

    PH is in Spain checking on the banks perhaps? Security is paramount these days.


  45. 113
    Hain factoid No6 says:

    Contrary to popular belief Peter Hain has a mobile phone contract with Vodafone.


  46. 114
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Peter-With-The-Heater might be a little out of sorts after one of his “holistic treatments,” you know, the kind advocated by his quack medicine foundation that was so dodgy it folded up the moment its Royal Patron, Prince Jughead, abandoned ship? If it was a colonic, it hasn’t succeeded, as he’s still as full of shite as ever.


  47. 116
    Rupert's left sock says:

    Labour is the bullying party. They want to control all propaganda for their own self interest.


  48. 121
    Have you been Tango'ed says:

    My charity based trust and all my other shady dealings are totally innocent.


  49. 126
    tlillis4 says:

    Bun fight! Bun fight!

    Would someone explain to me what’s the difficulty in being paralytic so long as one is at the desk come morning? When covering politicians such an ability is a boon.

    Besides, the appropriate response should be “I’m sober this morning. But you are still… Peter Hain”


  50. 127
    Labour are the bullying party says:

    Who is stupid enough to vote for that shower of useless shit.


    • 129
      Eamonn Benefits says:

      I am, as long as they keep the money coming!


      • 130
        C Twarmer says:

        Me too. I have a vital job in the public sector. I am full time union rep to the diversity department of the council climate change resistance unit. Well, I was but I have been off sick with stress since 2007.


        • 133
          How the public sector works says:

          I take it your spell of stressed induced sickness kicked in just as your period of paid maternity leave expired ?


  51. 132
    Hain factoid No19 says:

    Some say Peter Hain’s skin colour represents his politics, a mixture of red and yellow.


  52. 134
    Astronomer Royal says:

    Mars is a load of shite. No women, no burgers, no booze. I’m coming home.


  53. 137
    Labour- the bullying party says:

    Mr Tango has been tangoed.


  54. 142
    Labour- the bullying party says:

    Guido. Why are you debating with a suspected bank robber?


  55. 144

    Fucking Tango man !


  56. 145
    Baron Hogwash says:

    – Liar. @PeterHain



  57. 148
    Anonymous says:

    Did any of this happen while he was trying to become leader,changing wives or setting up the barrage job by any chance?


  58. 151
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Lets just remember these simple facts

    1. Hain is a liar
    2. Hain stole our money
    3. Hain is a self serving bastard who represents no one in this country
    4. Guido just exposes tvvats like Hain.



  59. 152
    The Impartial observer says:

    Very disturbed to hear that you might have an alcohol problem, up there, Mr G. Be driving up next week & could always detour via Chateau Margaux, pick up a few cases if the situation’s critical.
    As for the Orange One. Can’t say he’s been spotted by your’s truly. Although not saying he’d stand out here, particularly,. Whole town’s full of cheap whores with fake tans.


  60. 153
    Julianlzb87 says:

    Guido’s “possible” alcohol problem is that it isn’t subsidised by the tax payer unlike Hains.


  61. 156
    Gaston says:

    Peter Hain?

    Now there’s a pale, faded name from yesteryear!


  62. 158

    If anyone epitomises the the modern day self serving, lying, egotisical, thieving Member Of Parliament its Peter Hain. He is a backstabbing, cowardly imposter who abandoned his fellow countrymen in South Africa to their fate and ran away to the safety of Great Britain.
    Unlike anti apartheid hero’s Ahmed Kathrada and Billy Nair and hundreds of other brave souls there was no Robben Island for our Brave Sir Robin.

    If any group of people epitomise the utter stupidity and ignorant tribal loyalists who allow people like Hain to get away with it, its the people of Neath and Port Talbot who kept electing the odious snake.
    Shame on you.


  63. 161
    Disco Biscuit says:

    So Guido got nicked after having one too many. Doesn’t Hain have a rather more serious criminal conviction?


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