July 31st, 2012

Hollande Gives Dave Olympic Kicking

Pint sized French President Francois Hollande has stuck the boot in on the Olympics. It’s good to see France is shedding it’s international reputation as a sore loser – London beat Paris to host these Games:

“The problem is that there are simply too many corporate seats. It will be up to French organisers to sort out this problem if a bid for a future games is to be successful. I am not here to announce a candidacy, but we will present an extremely strong bid: we don’t talk of money, we talk of gold. The British have rolled out a red carpet for French athletes to win medals. I thank them very much for that, but the competition is not over. We will put the French medals into the Europe pot, so that the British will be happy to be European.”

Are you going to take that, Dave?


  1. 1
    • 7
      Ah! Monika says:

      I think he’s used Google translate for that quote.


    • 19
      Aaron D Highside says:

      Is there a height restriction on French presidents?


      • 41
        UKIP.i.am says:

        Only where morality is concerned, as their decision to keep all politicians’ expenses a secret proves.


      • 53
        Only 12 days 11 hours 51 minutes until the Olympics are over! Yay! says:

        Not exactly. I suspect French height impairment dates back to WWI, when the Germans would play the French National Anthem every lunchtime, causing all the French soldiers to stand to attention in the trenches. Obviously, the short ones were OK, but the tall ones inadvertently popped their heads over the top and *bang*.

        It had the result of annihilating the ‘tall gene’ and explains why French people today are all short-árses.

        (Napoleon was also a short-árse, but I think he was Corsican rather than French, so his pre-WWI short-ársyness doesn’t spoil my hypothesis).


      • 56
        President of the Republic of Ireland says:

        bejaysus, he’s a feckin giant compared to me


      • 146
        erm... says:

        nice bright masculine energy from the president….and good luck to him.


    • 27
      Frog Scorn says:

      Problem being is that the British are not European.Thr British live on Islands in the Atlantic Ocean and not on the European continent.


      • 47
        UKIP.i.am says:

        I bet the Icelandic people don’t consider themselves as European either.


        • 54
          UKIP.i.am says:

          And I bet the Saudis and Israelis don’t think of themselves as Asian. So why should we consider ourselves as European? What does European even mean other than some arbitrary classification based on a random line drawn on a map? It’s patently absurd.


      • 48
        Ah! Monika says:

        Nice moniker.


      • 91
        Coat Hanger says:

        Its not necessarily a problem


      • 99
        Anonymous says:

        In that case Frog Scorn, why do I need euros in the Canary Islands?


      • 109
        BBC editor says:

        We are proud Europeans in Britain. And we support the policy of mass immigration to ethnically cleanse the English and turn it into a more pro-European nation with modernised views. As written in the Guardian, the Burley MP had unreconstructured views. Straight to the reeducation camp.

        So when will you little Englanders accept it? We ever have all your children taught in school to love the EU and multiculti and only use metric measurements.


      • 144

        I don’t think I want to be forcibly turned into something called a “European”. Perhaps, on being appoointed Principle Secretary Of State For War, I’ll let my Foreign Secretary (He executes England’s strategic global policy, so that I _don’t have to_ …) abolish “Europe” and turn it into some sovereign nations.

        These might even get some proper elections about stuff, often, over long periods, decades, centuries maybe.

        That’ll put the wind up the EUSSR-heebie-jeebies.


    • 74
      Snotsicle says:

      So, at the end of the Olympics when all the athletes from the dodgy dictator countries inevitably decide to claim asylum in the UK, does that mean that their medals will be added to the Team GB tally as a bonus prize?


    • 135
      Twittering Dave says:


  2. 2
    Only 12 days 12 hours 13 minutes until the Olympics are over! Yay! says:

    What’s the French word for “tosser”?


  3. 3
    Albert Hall says:

    Froggy tosspots don’t like it up ‘em. They haven’t forgiven us for Waterloo yet.


  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    I am offended!!!!

    Arrest him!!!!


    • 154
      j says:

      kebab mate

      you can t talk about george grivas like that

      especially if you come from northern cyprus


  5. 6
    carlosfandango says:

    French Jibberish!


  6. 8
    AC says:

    France is shedding it’s international reputation
    Greengrocer. Apostrophe. Sort it out.


    • 94

      Do we have to use megaphone diplomacy here as well?

      its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its, its!!!!

      Not it’s

      Nor even, alas, Tits (.)(.)


  7. 9
    Dickie Tickeur says:

    The French team surrendered to our troops on arrival at the Olympic Village!


  8. 10
    Camilla Parker-Starney says:

    What a rude little man!


  9. 11
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    You can always depend on the French – they’re always there whenever they need you.


  10. 12
    HenryV says:

    “We will put the French medals into the Europe pot, so that the British will be happy to be European.” wtf?

    I do love how the French flip-flop between “stuff you all, France first” and “we are all one big European family”; nobody cares Mr Netherlands, sorry Mr Low Countries, sorry Hollande…….

    Does anybody really care about the Olympics outside London? Don’t think so…


  11. 13
    m burgess says:

    it’s? its


  12. 14
    Anonymous says:

    He’s probably sent him a thank you note.


  13. 15
    tommy5d says:

    So we’ve now replace Sarkozy with a socialist Sarkozy?


  14. 16

    He is right there are too many empty corporate seats. It is a disgrace given how many people could not get tickets and especially for the athletes who are having to do without the wall of support they deserve.

    Again it just goes to show that following the dollar/pound/euro is not always the right way, for greed can take over, leaving the law of unintended consequences again to make the British public and global athletes teh loosers.


    • 30
      Cameron is a liar says:

      When it comes to the Olympics following the dollar/pound/euro is the only way.


    • 34
      Nowt to do with Sponsors says:

      He’s wrong. The empty seats are those booked to the IOC members. And they only turn up when their country is taking part and go away when their country has finished taking part.

      Never ever trust a frog.


  15. 21
    Ah! Monika says:

    He appears to have shrunk since the caption comp.


  16. 25
    tottenham chutzpah says:

    a more serious point:

    is Gillette sponsoring the beach volleyball event?


  17. 28
    DZ says:

    I really cannot take the French seriously since they all started talking English

    Surely losing your language is the first sign of a nation in terminal decline


  18. 29
    Nobby Clark says:

    Merde alors


  19. 32
    G BROWN our once and future PM says:

    Cheese anyone?


  20. 33
    Not surprised says:

    Comment ne Fuck Off son?


  21. 36
    Joss Taskin says:

    Hollande seems to be somewhat vertically challenged. Is he a distant relative of Napoleon Bonaparte, another little frog who got his comeuppance ?


  22. 39
    President of the Bankrupt Dwarves Society - Luton Branch says:

    We wish to register our delight at one of our members taking such a prominent position in public affairs – even if he is French and a Twat – he is still our French Twat


  23. 40
    Mad Franky Hollande says:

    Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey


  24. 43
    Cynic says:

    After the Tour De France we had to give you something to prevent war


  25. 49
    Cynic says:

    PS just get yer cheque book out to pay for Spain and save the Euro for another week (or is that weak)


  26. 50
    Aidan Burley says:

    I will ask David Cameron to sent 2 gunboats up the Seine.

    We’ll show those muticultural crap frogs who’s the boss.

    I haven’t felt this angry since I gave General de Gaulle a good slapping.


  27. 51
    BJ on the bus says:

    I travel on London buses and as much as I like BoJo, I’m rather tired of hearing his “Hello, this is the mayor of London, plan your journey” message every ten minutes. But I suppose I should just be glad it’s not Ken Livingstone instead telling us “Make sure to pray 5 times today, now here’s a recitation from the koran.”


  28. 58
    Cynic says:

    Je pète dans votre direction générale cochon français


  29. 59
    SP4BS says:

    I guess that whenever Germany wins any gold medals, they belong to france.

    Thats how Jean Monnet saw things working right from the start.


  30. 63
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Dave Dave Dave. You are wasting your time. The bloke is a busted flush !!!!!!


  31. 65
    The Duke says:

    Tell the French Hunt to fuck off. Un branleur indeed!


  32. 67
    Ah! Monika says:

    At Last!! I’ve got it.

    Olympic Cauldron.

    ” Oh Danny Boyle, the pipes, the pipes are cauldron “


  33. 68
    MarkW says:

    What an infantile article. Is “pint sized” and “sore loser” all you could come up with? Monsieur Hollande wasn’t President when France lost out to the UK bid.
    If you hate the EU so much, why don’t you leave and go back to quarts and live in the past when the British ‘owned’ half the planet.

    I hope the games are a success for the competitors and that you don’t kettle any more cyclists for daring to use the ‘Olympic lanes’ or shoot dead any Brazilians (or anyone else foreign looking).


    • 79
      SP4BS says:

      Don’t worry about the dead Brazilian, it was only a “Bavure” (translation: silly little mistake).

      Hollande is fundamentally dishonest with his relationship with europe, he pushed very very hard with “french jobs for french workers” sort of stuff. He’s told people not to buy goods from other europe-an countries


    • 81
      Tadpole says:

      Critical mass are the infants. Their only intent is to upset other people. And what’s wrong with quarts they are as accurate as a liter.


  34. 70
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    A months a long time in politics
    only a few weeks ago this 0.5 litre Frog was spouting that he would pull France out of Europe , fuck the euro etc
    now he’s in power and the big cheque’s start dropping through his door , the EU is the best thing since sliced horse meat on a bed of boiled snails with a side of deep fried door mouse
    Le short arsed wanker !


  35. 73
    Sniper says:

    Of course France would have done it better. They have demonstrated before that they are world leaders in collaboration.


  36. 75
    Monsieur Le Pen says:

    Merde !


  37. 76
    UKIP.i.am says:

    How many of the Olympic stadia would have been built without the corporates though. Seeing as the nation has no money left. (Liam Byrne) Or is a much bigger national debt a price worth paying for empty seats?

    It is simple enough. If the crony friends of the organisers, the players’ families, the olympic volunteers and workers, etc have not taken their seats within 30 mins of the start then the tickets should go on sale first come first served. It isn’t rocket science.


    • 107

      The country has plenty of money just ask the bank of england the next time it QEs. Or ask any bank – fractional reserve banking. The amount of money is not the problem, it is the natutral darker side of human nature.

      Now I know this goes against conventional thinking (unless you happen to be a banker QEing or fractional reserving) but I do hold an economics degree and professional accountancy qualifications and have worked with global businesses. So I may not be as nieve as some may suspect. I am just able to think outside the box.


      • 141
        UKIP.i.am says:

        The amount of money is not a problem? If you have ten pounds and you owe twelve pounds how much money have you really got?

        And QE is no magical money tree either.


        • 147


          I agree re QE it needs to be carefully used, but it can be used.

          Re money – remember it is a man made invention, and it opertes within the rules we set it. And government finances are not simply a sum of individuals, some of the rules are different.


  38. 78
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    “We will put the French medals into the Euro pot ”
    Yes good idea Kermit !b , then they can be sold off to help pay off your countries massive debts !


  39. 84
    Right winger pissed off at ceremony says:

    I wanted a 2 hour compilation of Thatcher speeches, culminating in darkies being blown up!


  40. 85
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The EU aircraft emissions tax(carbon trading) imposed by the EU on any flight taking off or landing within the EU is causing a bit of a stir with the yanks
    It will cost the industry14 Billion a year to carry on using EU airports The tax which came into force in January is not payable untill next year
    If it was up to me i would call their bluff and tell them to fuck off
    it would be settled in a week
    i cannot believe the rest of the world is going to sit back and allow the EU gravy train to start taxing countries outside the EU


  41. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Unemployment is really a price worth paying if it is to save the egos of the European politicians and the Euro. Just ask the Greeks and the Spanish.

    Not a word about the high unemployment from the hypocritical British socialists.

    Presumably they would be happy to do this in the UK too, no doubt?


  42. 101
    Ah! Monika says:

    Hmm. Will try. But how is the emulsion cooked?


    • 103
      Ah! Monika says:

      or have you got a heated blender? Expensive.


    • 106
      Ah! Monika says:

      Classic Benedict uses tongue.


    • 150
      'oddly helpful's cookery masterclass says:

      A heated blender – whatever will they think of next? Hollandaise is gently warmed over a -bain marie- (more stirring, though of a patient and gentle nature). Larger supermarkets sell pouches of the stuff, if they’re of the sort that sells fresh samphire at the fish counter! Best of luck…


  43. 102
    MB. says:

    If he is so keen to put any French medals in the “European pot” then why does he not compete with the Germans etc in a EU team? They will get more medals probably but not many French competitors. We will stick with a GB team.


  44. 115
    Moussa Koussa says:

    We could tell the French to go F themselves, but most of the Tory cabinet and a huge number of Tory MP’s all have holiday homes their.

    Typical double facing flip floppers, harp on about the French, but spent 3 months of the year living in France.


  45. 128
    Penfold says:

    I think Hollande has summed him up very well.

    Call me Dave quite clearly is a closet CryptoEuroPhile.


  46. 129
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Up Guards and at Them.


  47. 130
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Guards: If you won’t buy our lamb, we won’t buy your letters.


  48. 131
    Too Many tweets make a twat says:


    • 161
      on the beach,sunglasses in the car says:

      What has Hollande got round his neck?

      I do not think he has ever drunk tea in his life.

      Thank God his mistress is not there.


  49. 136
    will says:

    Monsiour Hollande,

    Are you over here to visit a tour de france winner and 4 times champs elysee winner.

    On your bike (or not of you are french)

    Allez wiggo and cavendish


    • 158
      Jane Birkin from Paris says:

      Just so you get the right impression shipmate the slimy socialist toad managed to get to Brive during the Tour de France to shake the kneecap of the great Bradley.

      Cameron was nowhere to be seen even in Paris.

      The toad yesterday even managed to get to the Olympics and shake hands with a few Gold Medallists.

      When Cameron saw the toad he managed to shake his hand and greet him in fluent English. The toad said not a word.

      Today the toad has been concocting something with Mario Monti and listening to the guy at the ECB it will not be long before the ECB hit the printing presses.

      Cameron is fucked in all this.


  50. 137
    Mr. Putin's Stolen Cat says:

    Love these frog-in-the-blender jokes…


  51. 142
    Lord Coe says:

    I feel a bit peckish all of a sudden.


  52. 148
    Englishmen says:

    We will NEVER be European, M.Hollande. Why can you never forgive us or the Americans for getting you out of the shit in 1945???


  53. 149
    genghiz the kahn says:

    As the Guards Band plays the Guards sang.

    A Frenchman went to the lavat’ry
    For to have a mighty shit
    He took his coat and trousers off
    So that he could revel in it
    But when he reached for the paper
    He found that someone had been there before
    Ou est le papier?
    Ou est le papier?
    Monsieur, monsieur, J’at fait manure.
    Ou est le papier?


  54. 153
    A Cheese-eating surrender monkey says:

    Zoot alors. Oh you Rostbifs – you are incroyable.


  55. 157
    sacha distel says:

    as a good gaul i only ever eat cheese that has surrendered .

    like for example a 23day old roquefort

    preferably crawling with ants


  56. 160
    Abdel fromTooting says:

    European unemployment has reached an all time high today but Mr Cameron and President Hollande are happy to watch sport at the Olympics.

    It is all wrong I tell you although I am sure they paid for their own tickets and lunches.


  57. 162
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    I mean how hard would it be to invade France ?


    • 163
      the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

      I mean they could nuke Londistan but we would all be in France win:win


      • 164
        the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

        so here’s the plan. we invade France but we don’t tell the Muslims, the hairdressers, the Union executives, the bankers etc, etc


  58. 165
    robbie says:

    What’s wrong with Hollande’s comment? France are having a great Games so far whereas the GB effort (particularly in the pool) is ..er.. sinking. One medal so far- Addlington doing something what Frankie Boyle would say was on porpoise?


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