July 25th, 2012

Boris Gets Bonkers’ Pointman


  1. 1
    Sacked Intern says:

    Bo Jo cool!

  2. 2
    James says:

    “Distinctive”, eh? Like his children, I suppose.

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    is that in case he gets too close to the “other” dignitaries?

  4. 4
    I think I've done this one before ... says:

    If they ever remake “Village of the Damned”….

  5. 5
    The Admiral says:

    Don’t you just love him… *serious*

  6. 6
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Say what you like about Boris (and who doesn’t?) he’s a proper Tory.

    He has more humanity and character in his little toe than the vast majority of politicos of any stripe.

    The left often accuse him of being a buffoon, which only goes to demonstrate their complete inability to recognise a highly intelligent, witty eccentric. More fool them.

    If the Tory party had more men like Boris and less like that greasy fucker Osborne they’d have it made.

  7. 7

    Since we are talking of close protection, I might add:

    …or his Mates?

  8. 8
    SP4BS says:

    “proper tory”. so you ignore things like him wanting to produce a special bus for london, rather than just putting it out to tender or “letting the market decide”. He has also said that london should get more public spending.

  9. 9
    Cabin Boy says:

    … a complete one-off. A very carefully, cleverly put-together image.

  10. 10
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    He’s currently the Mayor of London in case you hadn’t noticed so he doing his job by putting the interests of London first.

    And there is nothing inherrently ‘Tory’ about ‘letting the market decide’.

  11. 11
    was getting mildly concerned says:

    We thought Tinker had curled up on your face in the night and suffocated you.

  12. 12
    Gingerbread Club says:

    Bonkers Boris is my pop.

  13. 13
    Goblin Girl says:

    Nah! Have I missed anything?

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Cant think where else ive seen the word distinctive been used today, never mind.

  15. 15
    Ballymena says:

    we think he’s great

  16. 16
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Go and ask him for more pocket money.

  17. 17
    was getting mildly concerned says:

    Fuck nose. I can barely read my screen in this sunshine.

  18. 18
    SP4BS says:

    Wow. you’re old.

  19. 19

    When it comes to spreading the murmur,
    Our man Boris just couldn’t be firmer.
    He says Olympics aren’t grotty
    But with loads of fit totty,
    He should take care where he deposits his σπέρμα.

  20. 20
    The bleedin' obvious says:

    Britain lives off London. London lives off the City.

    The EUrorcrats would like to destroy the City in order to facilitate this Country’s political and fiscal servitude.

    Boris, and only Boris, will tell Brussels to fuck off.

    Boris is Britain’s saviour. QED.

  21. 21
    Some Twat Up North says:

    Bet that bodyguard will end up spending a lot of time sitting outside his various paramours hooses, when he does his rounds.

    Or am I being silly? He’s obviously just collecting his rents.

    Hahahahaha, as if.

  22. 22
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Oh really? How old would you say I am?

    Amazing how a screen name conjours all sorts of preconceptions in those who lack the wit to read between the lines.

    Wow! Indeed.

  23. 23
    SP4BS says:

    Britain was rich when it made stuff.

  24. 24
    Balls Ache says:

    Having been highly critical of George Osborne, when will Mr Ed and Balls call for Gordon Brown to be brought back to replace him as chancellor???

  25. 25
    Sacked Intern says:

  26. 26
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Britain makes more ‘stuff’ than it ever did actually.

    Unfortunately the stuff we make is largely for foreighn owners.

  27. 27
    SP4BS says:

    I don’t know how anyone who’s political views appeered or matured after the rise of thatcherism, could think its ok for politicians to make direct decisions about what transport companies buy.

  28. 28
  29. 29
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Just think what it’d be like with Red Ken,
    City Hall stuffed with his odious placemen,
    At least with Mayor Johnson,
    We haven’t got a wrong’un.
    Who cares what he does with the seamen.

  30. 30
    Jimmy the Dhimmi says:

  31. 31
    John F Kennedy says:

    Why would anyome want to assassinate a clown?

  32. 32
    Jess The Dog says:

    Is it to protect him from women of easy virtue?

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    You need help.

  34. 34
    Eu rip ides says:

    There is an enigma called Ewa
    Who’s hooked on her Second Life viewer
    She’s deffo an angler
    But not for ur dangler
    U’d luv her if u only knew ‘er

  35. 35
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Because transport is of neccessity a public good. Without effective transport the economy suffers. There is a valid case for government direction here, even if rabid free marketeers don’t want to hear it.

  36. 36
    Joss Taskin says:

    Sorry, can you just remind us what the Libor party’s plan is to get this Country out of the mess you best behind ??

    Spend, tax and borrow, wasn’t it ?

  37. 37


  38. 38
    there, i pissed says:

    this is my help, you dork

  39. 39
    Cutie says:

    I’s bettin that “moniker” curses
    At Ewaname’s juvenile verses
    But life is too short
    We has to cavort
    Before we’s all ridin in hearses

    © Ewa 2012

  40. 40
    Posty says:

    Whenever you post a comment in the wrong hole, it means you’ve lost another 200,000 braincells.

  41. 41
    Ken King of the Dhimmis says:

    “The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him)


    What an oily, toadying little scumbag that ‘man’ is.

  42. 42
    Gooey Blob says:

    It’s the overborrowing that put this country in its current mess. This correction is happening partly because people are paying off debt and trying to save. The savings ratio is recovering.

    BoE please take note: It may sound counter-intuitive but QE and low interest rates are hindering, not helping. A change in policy is long overdue.

  43. 43
    Jimmy says:

    If Ken has any redeeming feature (a big “if” I grant you) it’s the extent to which he annoys EDL mouthbreathers like you.

  44. 44
    Universal Hiss says:

    I like that a lot.

    HTML failure. So love & kisses in boring wordy stuff.

    I have pink champagne in the fridge so who cares about anything?

  45. 45
    Death Cab for Cutie says:

    That night Cutie called a cab.
    Baby, don’t do it
    She left her East Side room so drab.
    Baby, don’t do it
    She went out alone in town
    Knowing it would make her lover frown.
    Death cab for Cutie
    Death cab for Cutie
    Someone’s going to make you pay your fare.

  46. 46
    Wiff Waff is coming home! says:

  47. 47
    Gooey Blob says:

    Tories will need a new chancellor to fight the 2015 election, Lib Dems a new leader, and Labour both a new leader AND shadow chancellor.

    Nobody is looking very electable at present.

  48. 48
    Revd. Phoney (£rd Fucking Way) B£iar, sanctimonious git and £iar, emoting and wiv stupid grin says:

    Hey!!! hey!!! hey!!! Before you quite get blown off course REMEMBER IT WAS ME! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! that brought the O£umpics to Londonistan!!!

  49. 49
    Boris, the home wrecker says:

  50. 50
    Great British Public says:


  51. 51
    Lard Pressclott - Laughing Policeman in waiting says:

    Truly shocking.

  52. 52
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    Look at the alternatives and Boris is the only choice. Now you peasant scum, stay out of my Zil Lanes, we the political class are much more equal than you are. Fu@+ the olympics.

  53. 53
    toady says:

    Ken had the unique quality of annoying everybody.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Cher looks shockingly sexy in this, I must be getting old.

  55. 55
    Jimbo says:

    The tax payer has to pay for the expenses of previous PM’s to include War Criminal Blair, now we have to pay to protect buffons or to be more precise idiots !

  56. 56
    smoggie says:

    The taxpayer pays to protect all of us. Who the fuck pays for Plod?

  57. 57
    smoggie says:

    Strangely, Cher is getting younger.

  58. 58
    redpen says:

    Jimmy has that. It’s hardly a talent or a quality; more a hallmark.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    You really need help.

  60. 60
    redpen says:

    He who pays the piper…..

    and if anyone thinks there is an absolute free market then they’ve never worked in procurement.

    Best shut up until you’ve had a real job for a few years.

  61. 61
    redpen says:

    Britain is rich, numbnutz. And it makes stuff. Fuck, who let him in?

  62. 62


    What have I started here. I went away and installed an air-conditioning unit and when I returned…

    By the sounds of it, goodness has nothing to do with it.

  63. 63
    The bodyguard's CV says:

    Special experience in handling fallout from Nokia related injuries

  64. 64
    Socialists are Sociopaths says:

    The thoroughly repulsive K’unt Ken still does. As for the EDL, why did they come into being and when?

    Clue for Dhimmi Jimmy: 7/7.

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    And, rather strangely, getting less sexy.

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    That means he now stands at – 368,732,451.

  67. 67
    Diane Fatbutt says:

    Grunting piece of shit.

  68. 68
    Ken Livingstone says:

    Labour’s supporters are typically very stupid.

    Intelligent people support other parties.

  69. 69
    US Representative Salvatore "Sonny" Bono, (R-CA), (1935-1998) says:

    And I’m not getting any older, either.

  70. 70
    Jimmy says:

    When? End of the football season.
    Why? See above.

  71. 71
    Sir John Betcha Man (poet lorry eight) says:

    Folks confuse Moniker and Cat
    They don’t always see where it’s at.
    In this Jekyll and Hyde,
    The voice from inside
    Should instruct even those in a vat…

    Moniker is more serious and straight
    He can be somewhat plodding, any rate.
    More of a stuffed shirt
    Whilst Cat’s after skirt.
    Brilliant maybe, but one hinge short of a gate.

  72. 72
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    George Gideon Oliver Osborne has my full support as Chancellor of the Exchequer.
    He is doing a grand job and has no plan B.

  73. 73
    sad says:

    a touch of the green eye maybe – for no good reason either

  74. 74
    AGREED !! says:

    Yup +1000

  75. 75
    jimmy the dumbo says:

    Jimmy you paranoid twat, most of the old duffers on here have never even heard of the EDL, probably think it’s something you buy in B&Q.

  76. 76
    Uncle Richard says:

    That’s Virgin on the ridiculous.

  77. 77
    Ed TwattyBand - Heir to BrownStainovich the ArseHole says:

    I juth can’t wait to step into Gordonth thooth!

    And that Cameron is juth a patthing cloud in my Blue Sky!!

  78. 78
    Um .... says:

    Come to that, why would anyone want to preserve the Lunatic Morally Defective Brhoon?

  79. 79
    Bonzo says:

    To the foamers,

    ‘Death Cab for Cutie’ is a rather well-known song by the Bonzo Dog Do-Dah Band, actually.

  80. 80
    DiDi love ... says:

    you describing yourself having a shit? you do shit don’t you – or do you just store it up and have to be emptied?

  81. 81
    Forkbender says:

    Yes Tone, Boris and Dave are getting the bill ready to claim from you the excess of over buget run, it may take some time, a lot of it will a white elephant, and will be sold off at big loss like the Dome.

  82. 82
    Ideas Man says:

    Get her to side astride a 16″ naval Gun and see what happens!

    Better still, fire G. Brown out of same gun.

  83. 83
    Anonymous says:

    True but contextually a bit dark.

  84. 84
    Gordon Brown MP says:

    I Gordon Brown declare the 30th Olympiad open.

  85. 85
    Aunty Matter says:

    Does he have a plan A even? At least we’ve been spared Chloe Smith this time.

    Dear Tory HQ and Conservative Home. You want to sort out the economy? Here’s some free advice. CUT FUCKING TAXES YOU MONGS.

    See you get that for free.

  86. 86
    Ideas Man says:

    * USS Missouri

    + fire the fucker Brhoon out of every gun

  87. 87
    Count Jacques Rogge says:

    Yоu cаn’t еvеn gеt thаt rіght, cаn yоu.

    Thе cоrrеct prоcеdurе fоr thе оpеnіng cеrеmоny іs:

    “I dеclаrе оpеn thе Gаmеs оf Lоndоn cеlеbrаtіng thе 30th Olympіаd оf thе mоdеrn еrа.”


  88. 88
    Jimmy says:

    B&P surely?

  89. 89
    wanker watch says:

    B&Q has something to do with DIY, a concept that you’re no doubt familiar with Jimmy.

  90. 90
    Gordon Brown says:

    my father told me I must give the gold medals back and let other children have a chance

  91. 91
    Lou Scannon says:

    It’s been that way for a bad few years now. Where have you been ?

  92. 92
    Lou Scannon says:

    As a reminder to future generations – no other reason.

  93. 93
    Papachristou - a Greek chick says:

    I was hoping to get to know your Borisher while the Games are on.

    Unfortunately I have been called home for a mosquito.

    Perhaps next time.

  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    Get yer tits out whilst you are still in the news

  95. 95
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve abolished that last bit.

  96. 96
    The ghost of Gordon's moral compass says:

    But was eating all of the chocolate out of them first really the right thing to do ?

  97. 97
    Gordon Brown says:

    I invented donkeys

  98. 98
    72 Virgins says:

    Arе yоu surе аbоut thаt?

  99. 99
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Serwotka is a lying scumbag shyster.

  100. 100
    I don't need no doctor says:

    and married one.

  101. 101
    Aunty Matter says:

    We give the jocks one fucking event for the Olympics and they FUCK THAT UP.


  102. 102
    Lord Tony of Bliar rich bastard and war criminal says:

    Compared to me, he’s an amateur

  103. 103
    The Olde Story Teller says:

    But to be fair young Gordon did refill them with a brown, sticky substance resembling chocolate, A habit he maintained throughout his life – he turned everything of value into shit.

  104. 104
    Boris not UKIP says:

    So you do leave your computer occasionally.

  105. 105
    Boris not UKIP says:

    I’ll have some of that.

  106. 106
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    I’m a serial £iar. What difference does one more lie make ? #DynastyParty

  107. 107
    Asslick Almond says:

    They haven’t got oil like we have.

  108. 108
    Wierd Ed says:

    So someone has displayed [crept into the IT facilities room in Hampden and switched] the North Korean flag for that of the South on the stadium graphics.

    We need a judge led inquiry into this, chaired by Her Honour Judge Allegro Stratton who will find that Cameron should be sacked together with Boris and Jeremy Hunt.

    I will be appearing with our special adviser and expert on Olympic flags, Owen Jones, on the Nine o’ Clock News, Newsnight, Today, Nicky Campell, Vicky Pollard and Pandarama to ask for Parliament to be recalled.

  109. 109

    Of course:

    There are days on end when I don’t post. I am travelling or perhaps swimming.

    I also do a lot of construction and fitting work where my hands are dusty and I don’t want to transfer this to the computer. I work with metal, wood and plastic and have my own workshop. This week, I have already made and fitted 15 mosquito blinds which I have constructed from basic components.

    At other times I work on the computer so I can easily catch up quite frequently.

    Am I that different in habit to anyone else?

  110. 110
    Harridan Harmanhater says:

    I will also drone on endlessly across eight news channels how this is sexist and misogynistic.

  111. 111
    Diane Fatbott says:

    Isn’t there a racist spin we can put on this ?

    Shouldn’t we be screaming ‘ Shambles ! from the rooftops ?

  112. 112
    Aunty Matter says:

    Omni-shambles. Probably some pleb educated in a Labour controlled state school.

  113. 113
    Aunty Matter says:

    I didn’t know there was an Olympic event for bogey eating or tossing the Nokia?

  114. 114
    Wierd Ed says:

    Yes Diane.

    Good idea, Olympishambles – that’s got a ring to it. Take a seat in the Shadow Cabinet, divide and rule, that’s what we need.

  115. 115
    Aunty Matter says:

    Felt I just needed to slap all of them, I wish they’d add Red Ed and Ed Testicles to the site.


    Feels good slapping one eye though.

  116. 116
    National Socialist says:

    I worry as to the whereabouts of Schrodinger’s Cat, Rage Against The Political Elite and drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC. We are missing true greats.

  117. 117
    Liam Byrne says:

    There’s no money left.

  118. 118
    Lia says:

    Union bosses believe the Coalition will be blamed for any strike action.
    How wrong can they be.
    The British public,ticket holders and athletes who have trained for years for their events will be under no illusions that miserable union leaders are solely responsible.

  119. 119
    him and him says:

    whats Andrew Preview doing in the video?

  120. 120
    The Keeper of the Cat says:

    Schrödinger’s cat is very grateful for your kind, if undeserved, words. You will be aware, no doubt, that his superposition necessarily means that he is both here and not here at the same time.

    He is currently working on his TOE. Not a poor paw, BTW. To elucidate, the acronym stands for Theory of Everything. In short, he holds that the universe, indeed the multiverse, is exceptionally simple in top level structure whilst it swiftly breaks down into very complex detail which is as a result of our only having three spatial dimensions and one of time. This gives us an extremely poor picture of matters and leads us into unnecessarily complex analysis.

    If we had the eleven dimensions necessary, including three of time, one of which probably runs contrary to our experience, then the lower level analysis would be much simpler.

    One must, in all truthfulness, add that there are a few charming local cats who are on heat and his progress is accordingly rather erratic…

  121. 121
    Anonymous says:

    This happened in Scotland.
    What’s Alex Salmond got to say about it?

  122. 122
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:

    I am delighted to announce that tomorrow I shall finish my work experience placement as Chancellor.

  123. 123
    do me a favour says:

    Why is Paul Mason Economics Editor on Newsnight when he has no background or knowledge of economics?

  124. 124
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    I was kinda wondering where nellnewman’s been, myself; she’s always fun. You might not think so, NS. Difference of opinion– that’s what keeps the bookies in business, they say.

  125. 125
    Kiss of Death or what? says:

    Boris should refuse ASAP. The curse of Jonah Brown is not to be taken lightly.

  126. 126
    The state is all poweful says:

  127. 127
    rick says:

    The man’s a blond god!

  128. 128

    That took me back! I just gave Brown another 200 and the other two got some deserved collateral as well.

    I must be out of practice as I could do much better in the same time when it originally came out. My wrist action is not what it was…

  129. 129
    Larry the cat says:

    I’m no man’s cat. I am my own cat and no human owns me.

    Anyone who has been inside this place for more than ten minutes will understand where I am coming from. It’s a Mad house and they are all stark raving BONKERS.

  130. 130
    Poor Sod says:

    And he’s Welsh

  131. 131
    Anonymous says:

    So will her son be first in the queue for a jab?

  132. 132
    UKIP.i.am says:

    PCS union twats do U-turn.

  133. 133
    Logical entropy says:

    Do not confuse keeper with owner.

  134. 134
    Aunty Matter says:

    I know, I used to have slapping McFuckup down to a fine art, out of practice. Really need an Ed Balls one.

  135. 135
    Wire fence over the weir says:

    I think it should be weird rather than wierd.

  136. 136
    Good egg says:

    Agree. nell is fun. Hope she and her family are OK.

  137. 137
    Wierd, Weird Ed says:

    Aah, got it! I before E except after W

  138. 138
    Scotch Watch says:

    It had to happen.

    The country that invented the Gay Gordon and where the men wear skirts has now blessed homosexual marriage.

  139. 139
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    Following on from my suggestion yesterday, in case Danny Boyle falls down on the job, I have been thinking about how to bring this new element into the opening ceremony…… Boris bursts out of a wood in the arena (obviously naked – thanks for the suggestion) in hot pursuit of a bevy of girls. As suggested (by annette curton I think) Boris should be waving a giant cadburys flake in a threatening manner (and here is the new bit) whilst the new security guy pursues Boris, in the dress of a 1950s London bobby. Obviously the PC will not have a truncheon in case Boris gets hold of it and uses it for inappropriate purposes. As before the accompanying music will be the Benny Hill theme tune. As a finale Boris will fling a discarded ciggy which will light the Olympic flame and then make a welcoming speech in which he will attempt to insult the maximum possible number of nations in a five minute limit. French insults will count double.

  140. 140
    Spell check says:

    And C.

  141. 141
    Moe Howard says:

    Let me show you how it’s done properly– just pretend Larry Fine is Ed M, and my brother Curly is Ed B:

  142. 142
    CMD,Heir to Bliar Spokesperson says:

    But we are free to give away £Billions of Pounds Tax Payers money to more & more overseas countries that need our help…..like America, China, Russia, Japan….the list goes on & on & on & on……

    Its far better to Give than to Receive……

    I will strive to ensure that the UK Plc is the total basket case of the world it

    fully deserves to be

    otherwise I will have failed…..

  143. 143
    Establishing good sleep habits says:

    Good night children – time to go to bed.

    No torches under those bedclothes.

    Nibble!!! Leave – Orifice – alone!!!

  144. 144
    Truly Bonkers says:

    On the subject of bonkers. Banning this TOP TOTTY from the Olympics is the most bonkers thing I have seen in years.


  145. 145
    Noggin the Nog says:

    If you think plod are there to protect you, you need locking up for your own protection.

  146. 146
    albacore says:

    Dear Boris, ain’t he a lovable clown?
    Wins more votes each time his trousers drop down
    But Whirligig Dave’s the real funny man
    Who else could U-turn as fast as he can?
    A grin, a spin and another pratfall
    The wettest comedian of them all

  147. 147
    not a machine says:

    I have to admitt Spain exiting the Euro is an interesting plan , true IMF would be called and money from whoever would be loaned , depends if ESM and ESEF are called upon as well and in what % , also might get some reforms in that may be needed , at least 1 regional begins to function again , but wont it have the most debt ?? of any country ?? so my guess is markets would want to know how that works . It could provide some growth for rest of EU but even then does it just balance shrinkage in other countires ?? France seems incapable of reform , so then it will move to Italy . So far all in my view all scenarios seem to involve long debt repayments and strong fiscal controls in whatever country and a weak euro . I suppose have to wait until after holidays to see what solution if any is going to happen .

    Fascinated to see Will Straw calling for HS2 any one would think he just cant wait to see money poured into expensive projects rather than being more thoughtful about there use in the long repair . I was surprised that the modern ecnomic thought on big infrastructure in a downturn was getting a bit more controversial , in part because they invariablely be expensive things the economy may not grow as much as everyone said around them and become vanity projects with much regret . Vince could not quite bring himself to accuse labour of the mess , choosing headwinds instead and it was interesting to note that he had some praise for the foundations being put in place by the coalition .

    I wondered if anyone had reflected what the worst set of GDP figures was labour had ….. the answer is perhaps the glowing ones they had before the crash when they were borrowing money to hide the deficets . I dont think that todays are that bad , true they are dissappointing and wildly off the budgets , but then one may wanto visit budget predictions from 2008 to know when wrong figures are used.
    The other thing of course is that Labour have no deficet reduction plan and never have , and so lack credibility , it was usual role out of Coalition not working in what would always be difficult growth , yet so little illumation on what would work other than a few piece meal reliefs , so labour did not score very much and I noted were keen not admit that even there plans would mean cuts into 2017 , which is quite an achievement to admit that there own feindish contrivance to leave the accounts in such a mess is beyond any political game for a quick comeback once the nasty work had been done by the new government , which perhaps is a lesson in cynicsm .

    I perhaps think a little rue is being played by Labour , I do not agree with some of the chancellors projects , but that does not mean I think his plans arnt credible despite changes/lowering of growth due to some external factors , besides Will Straws idea on bringing building money forward may be completely wreckless with an inflation spike comming due to USA harvests that may partly affect our own intensive farm feeds , and global food prices .
    My concerns are that infrastructure projects are shaken down properly , I can see that some lower flatter tax possibilities are present , but that is a much bigger concept and I am unsure where revenues collected purely on usage lead in terms of stable interpretable information , purests in those thoughts have the whiff of wonk , but I some how still feel that some of the economists are wrong in saying that the new economy is growth , when it seems such large debts have happend .
    Where the chancellor could be wrong , is if the wonks are wrong with him and that is far from clear to me in that , some of them are beggining to see what is the actual truth of the debt age labour created , in that it may not be as normal as the simplistic models suggested about infrastructure as the actual economy has changed around since that theory was first used after WW2 .
    That perhaps is the trouble is that the debt itself has become has becoming a much larger factor in determining what is possible , than previously thought , I mean what are the plans for those euro countries economies ??? no one seems to know or say .
    If the PM and chancellor are about to embark on grand wonk , totally oblivious to the new realities , then that cannot go on , or indeed any unpleasant surprises then changes to anew direction must be done .

  148. 148
    David Dickinson says:

    I am looking forward to Gordon Brown attending the David Dickinson’s Real Deal Roadshow

  149. 149
    Mrs Duffy at Olympic Stadium says:

    All these foreigners. Where are they flocking from?

  150. 150
    Hallo, but! says:

    Is there anyone left in Rochdale … except the son of COD?

  151. 151
    UKIP.i.am says:


    Gillian Duffy: But how are you going to get us out of all this debt Gordon?

    Gordon Brown: Because we have got a deficit reduction plan to cut the debt in half over the next four years. We’ve got the plans, they’ve been set out today.

    Gillian Duffy: The three main things what I had drummed in when I was a child was education, health service and looking after people who are vulnerable. But there’s too many people now who aren’t vulnerable but they can claim, and people who are vulnerable can’t claim, can’t get it.

    Gordon Brown: But they shouldn’t be doing that, there is no life on the dole for people any more. If you are unemployed you’ve got to go back to work. It’s six months…

    Gillian Duffy: You can’t say anything about the immigrants because you’re saying that you’re… but all these eastern Europeans what are coming in, where are they flocking from?

  152. 152
    a non says:

    Thought Nell spoke about a summer cruise to sunnier climes for a few weeks

  153. 153
    albacore says:

    What a lucky man, Boris, to be protected
    And have suspicious folks around him inspected
    As for England, Parliament can’t be arsed
    Come one, come all – they’d let anyone past


  154. 154
  155. 155
    confirmed says:

    nellnewman ‏@nell_newman July12

    YoungtNells and us are off for 1st time cruise on Independence of the Seas on Saturday. Hoping for some sun in the Med after all this rain!

  156. 156
    Anonymous says:

    Just a few thousand multiplying immigrants

  157. 157
    Anonymous says:

    I just wondered if there is a world leader out there somewhere, that we do not yet know of, who really can lead?

    Some one who doesn’t just want to PM or President, doesn’t pander to minorities,public image or any thing else, so that he/she can get on and lead the world in these ever increasing tumultuous times?

    Don’t hold your breath!

  158. 158
    Anonymous says:

    Would you like to kiss the groom?

  159. 159
    Michael Page says:

    We’ve got the ideal man just come on our books. Age 59, has previous experience and excellent contact levels. Suntanned, rich, very nice smile.

    Shall we send him round?

  160. 160
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Call me “Mike” would know about dealing with money as his dad was a decidedly middle class accountant, something he desperately tried to play down with his working class fellow travellers. No problem if money gets tight he could always flog off one of his eleven houses.

    I’m a socialist, let me share your pain?

    The workers flag is deepest red, but I will take the cash instead……

  161. 161
    M says:

    its a stunt double

  162. 162
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Serwotka? You mean Taffy Serwotka?

  163. 163
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Nah, we’ve got the gas in Norfolk and the money in London.

  164. 164
    Anonymous says:

    news is filtering through of the most likely person to light the olympic flame. The person is …. Steve Ovett ………..not only will he light the flame but he’ll torch the carpark burn down the v.i.p area and lght up Seb Coe in what many are describing as ‘Steve Ovett: the Revenge’

  165. 165
    Brair and Blown says:

    I’m not a royalist but I do feel sorry for the Queen having to meet Blair and Brown again this week. She’d probably thought she’d seen the last of them.

  166. 166
    Judge Scalded Bollock says:

    No comments which refer to hacking either directly or indirectly will be allowed.

    God Save The Queen.

  167. 167
    Gordon Brown says:

    I asked the Macauley kids if I’m a hero like the Dark Knight. They said I’m more like Bane. Bigots. They could’ve at least said I’m like Catwoman.

  168. 168
    Anonymous says:

    Use the PREVIEW button Joss.

  169. 169

    Is your phone pincoded 0000 or 1234 BTW?

  170. 170
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Listened to the Beeb this morning and comments about the “mistake” at the Olympic football in Scotland with the wrong Korean flag. The lofty disdain from the Humphrys sidekick who didn’t seem to think it important to know about flags and made some comment about “not being in the cubs”.

    Just read out the news and report the facts.

  171. 171
    Well it's a thought says:

    Why is it when the last three PM’s were ever interviewed on tv the I would turn the tv off, I should be listening to these superior people and taking advice and notice from them but no the telly gets turned off, is it that they are just lieing, inept tossers, who would be better recognised if they had put a mask on there faces and carried a back marked swag.

  172. 172
    SP4BS says:

    You don’t really “keep” cats either. they just come back quite often, because they feel like it. You’d have to shove them in a sealed box if you wanted to say you “keep” a cat.

  173. 173
    Princess Po-Face Polytwaddle, handwringing, whining, talking down at people from her Ivory Tower, says:

    I am always right!

    I am never wrong!

    Oh this is outrageous!!! What a terrible night I’ve had!!!! Tossing and Turning!!! Even the Grouniad challenges me!! This would never have happened in Gordon’s day!! He understood me!! . . . I understood Gordon!! . .. his stats! . . his declarations . . ! . . ah . . his eyes . . . the memories! . . his penetrating gaze as he examined every minute detail of my component parts . . . his comments about my pieces . . . . his . .sensitive touch . . .! . . his probing masculine approach . . and his patient waiting as I caught up to where he wanted me to be . . . it’s too much! . . I’m going . . . ! . . I’m going to . . . to . . . I can’t help myself . .! no don’t help me . . . let me give myself to the moment . . it’s been too long . . I need the relief and discharge of all my pent up . tension . . . and . . ah! . . it’s here . . I’m going into status polytwadlikus . . .! . . ahhhhh! . . . oooohhhh! . . . . ahhh . . .!

  174. 174
    SP4BS says:

    Wow, its Heseltine!

    Mr. Pen. I’m older than you seem to think and have worked in various places, and never has an elected politician decided to make direct decisions like Boris did with the bus.

  175. 175


    nOW fuck off!!! AND pay your telly tax!!! lITTLE pERSON!!!

  176. 176
    SP4BS says:

    I saw comments where people in most countries would just laugh and shrug it off if someone put the wrong flag against their name.

    I can think of one place where people would have a fit if you described their nationality inappropriately.

  177. 177
    The Tit in No 10 –speechyfying like the PR (Up The Arse) Pro He is says:

    I say you jolly chaps!! None of this matters !!! the main thing is that my really super-duper plans for bum-sex marridge go ahead watt!! Whatage?? Water???

  178. 178
    Dunno says:

    Dunno – Jockland? ……. Frogland? …. go-ontellus!

  179. 179
    By Stander says:

    Hos is Mz. MacC by the way? – seen her lately?

  180. 180
    Phil says:

    Having been dealt the lousiest hand ever given to an incoming chancellor by a Labour Party that spent every last penny on everything including themselves but excluding the “working classes” I think George is doing a prettty good job.
    Given a bit of luck and 3 years to go I would not be surprised if he does turn the economy round although it will be in spite of the MSM, BBC and the Labour Party daily trying to destroy his credibility and by default running down all of us as we struggle to repair the damage left by a Labour Party whose only policy in the last decade or so was “What’s in it for me”.

  181. 181
    Anonymous says:

    My dear friend.

    I have what is possibly the only electronic catflap in my part of the world.

    The cat is chipped so that only it can come in and eat the food which is shopped for, transported, stored, opened and put out in a dish for it. Otherwise I would be feeding the entire population of cats in the neighbourhood at enormous expense.

    If I consider that is keeping the cat, then my logic, if not my freedom of speech allows me to say that. What the cat does when it is outside of the catflap is its own business about which, sometimes, I would rather not know.

  182. 182
    Nun Ofus says:

    Well I for one don’t inhabit a habit.

  183. 183
    Gay Gordon says:

    mmmmmm – ra-ther!!!

  184. 184
    There is a better joke in there somewhere says:

    George Osbourne appears on Countdown with the following letters

    E C O N O M I C S

    George: Sorry I can only do a three letter: CON

  185. 185
    DZ says:

    I can do 5 letters : COMIC

  186. 186
    Hilda Scruggs says:

    I get mine in M&S dear.

  187. 187
  188. 188

    Er. You have to put it in the right hole… fnarr fnarr!

    Anyway, snap.

  189. 189
    Can I help? says:

    Oh yes. It was created exclusively for one-eyed ambidextrous shirt lifting Scots. Not unlike Tossing the Cable, I hear.

  190. 190

    I thought I recalled her saying that too.

    Bon voyage, nell.

  191. 191
    Can I help? says:

    That’s him. Lives up the road from Dai Striking.

  192. 192
    Can I help? says:

    …and, regrettably, far too many unemployed drunken natives from north of the border.

  193. 193
    Can I help? says:

    Like in science you mean?

  194. 194
    Silent Bob (who also took the vow) says:
  195. 195
    Can I help? says:

    Poor little sod will have to stand against the wall she has gone to for him when he does get it.

  196. 196
    Hilda Scruggs says:

    Does that also apply to the Libians, or whatever that place is they come from?

  197. 197
    Hilda Scruggs on the Croydon tramway system says:

    I was going to say something similar but the tram operator gave me a funny look.

  198. 198
    Hilda Scruggs says:

    But isn’t hacking something to with the horsey set? Better ask Dave, he’ll know.

  199. 199
    Hilda Scruggs says:

    coins come?

  200. 200
    annette curton says:

    C8ntdown numbers puzzle: £3,000 000 000 ÷ 60 000 000 (p) = fucked.

  201. 201
    Archie says:

    Wildly off-topic, I know, Guido old toff; but I’ve been meaning to ask for a week or two if there are any totty-esque pics of Diamond Geezer’s daughter? That would be Miss H.M.D. Diamond. I must say that she looks eminently shaggable!

Media Reader

Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
London Live to Cut 20 Staff to Buy in More Content | Press Gazette
Telegraph Revealed Auschwitz 3 Years Before Liberation | Telegraph
Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
We Must Not Call Charlie Hebdo Killers ‘terrorists’ | Telegraph
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
Poll: Sun Readers Want Page 3 to Stay | Business Insider
The Sun: An Apology | Press Gazette
More Women Prosecuted For Telly Tax | Mail

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers