July 25th, 2012

Boris Gets Bonkers’ Pointman


  1. 1
    Sacked Intern says:

    Bo Jo cool!


    • 2
      James says:

      “Distinctive”, eh? Like his children, I suppose.


      • 4
        I think I've done this one before ... says:

        If they ever remake “Village of the Damned”….


        • 31
          John F Kennedy says:

          Why would anyome want to assassinate a clown?


          • V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

            Look at the alternatives and Boris is the only choice. Now you peasant scum, stay out of my Zil Lanes, we the political class are much more equal than you are. Fu@+ the olympics.


          • Um .... says:

            Come to that, why would anyone want to preserve the Lunatic Morally Defective Brhoon?


          • Lou Scannon says:

            As a reminder to future generations – no other reason.


        • 201
          Archie says:

          Wildly off-topic, I know, Guido old toff; but I’ve been meaning to ask for a week or two if there are any totty-esque pics of Diamond Geezer’s daughter? That would be Miss H.M.D. Diamond. I must say that she looks eminently shaggable!


      • 14
        Anonymous says:

        Cant think where else ive seen the word distinctive been used today, never mind.


        • 177
          The Tit in No 10 –speechyfying like the PR (Up The Arse) Pro He is says:

          I say you jolly chaps!! None of this matters !!! the main thing is that my really super-duper plans for bum-sex marridge go ahead watt!! Whatage?? Water???


    • 25
      Sacked Intern says:


      • 36
        Joss Taskin says:

        Sorry, can you just remind us what the Libor party’s plan is to get this Country out of the mess you best behind ??

        Spend, tax and borrow, wasn’t it ?


        • 37
          CORRIGENDUM says:



          • Gooey Blob says:

            It’s the overborrowing that put this country in its current mess. This correction is happening partly because people are paying off debt and trying to save. The savings ratio is recovering.

            BoE please take note: It may sound counter-intuitive but QE and low interest rates are hindering, not helping. A change in policy is long overdue.


        • 168
          Anonymous says:

          Use the PREVIEW button Joss.


      • 66
        Diane Fatbutt says:

        Grunting piece of shit.


      • 160
        The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

        Call me “Mike” would know about dealing with money as his dad was a decidedly middle class accountant, something he desperately tried to play down with his working class fellow travellers. No problem if money gets tight he could always flog off one of his eleven houses.

        I’m a socialist, let me share your pain?

        The workers flag is deepest red, but I will take the cash instead……


    • 161
      M says:

      its a stunt double


  2. 3
    Anonymous says:

    is that in case he gets too close to the “other” dignitaries?


  3. 5
    The Admiral says:

    Don’t you just love him… *serious*


  4. 6
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Say what you like about Boris (and who doesn’t?) he’s a proper Tory.

    He has more humanity and character in his little toe than the vast majority of politicos of any stripe.

    The left often accuse him of being a buffoon, which only goes to demonstrate their complete inability to recognise a highly intelligent, witty eccentric. More fool them.

    If the Tory party had more men like Boris and less like that greasy fucker Osborne they’d have it made.


    • 8
      SP4BS says:

      “proper tory”. so you ignore things like him wanting to produce a special bus for london, rather than just putting it out to tender or “letting the market decide”. He has also said that london should get more public spending.


      • 10
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        He’s currently the Mayor of London in case you hadn’t noticed so he doing his job by putting the interests of London first.

        And there is nothing inherrently ‘Tory’ about ‘letting the market decide’.


        • 18
          SP4BS says:

          Wow. you’re old.


          • Old Tory Bigot says:

            Oh really? How old would you say I am?

            Amazing how a screen name conjours all sorts of preconceptions in those who lack the wit to read between the lines.

            Wow! Indeed.


          • SP4BS says:

            I don’t know how anyone who’s political views appeered or matured after the rise of thatcherism, could think its ok for politicians to make direct decisions about what transport companies buy.


          • Old Tory Bigot says:

            Because transport is of neccessity a public good. Without effective transport the economy suffers. There is a valid case for government direction here, even if rabid free marketeers don’t want to hear it.


          • redpen says:

            He who pays the piper…..

            and if anyone thinks there is an absolute free market then they’ve never worked in procurement.

            Best shut up until you’ve had a real job for a few years.


          • SP4BS says:

            Wow, its Heseltine!

            Mr. Pen. I’m older than you seem to think and have worked in various places, and never has an elected politician decided to make direct decisions like Boris did with the bus.


      • 12
        Gingerbread Club says:

        Bonkers Boris is my pop.


      • 20
        The bleedin' obvious says:

        Britain lives off London. London lives off the City.

        The EUrorcrats would like to destroy the City in order to facilitate this Country’s political and fiscal servitude.

        Boris, and only Boris, will tell Brussels to fuck off.

        Boris is Britain’s saviour. QED.


  5. 15
    Ballymena says:

    we think he’s great


  6. 19

    When it comes to spreading the murmur,
    Our man Boris just couldn’t be firmer.
    He says Olympics aren’t grotty
    But with loads of fit totty,
    He should take care where he deposits his σπέρμα.


    • 29
      Joss Ayinglike says:

      Just think what it’d be like with Red Ken,
      City Hall stuffed with his odious placemen,
      At least with Mayor Johnson,
      We haven’t got a wrong’un.
      Who cares what he does with the seamen.


    • 34
      Eu rip ides says:

      There is an enigma called Ewa
      Who’s hooked on her Second Life viewer
      She’s deffo an angler
      But not for ur dangler
      U’d luv her if u only knew ‘er


      • 39
        Cutie says:

        I’s bettin that “moniker” curses
        At Ewaname’s juvenile verses
        But life is too short
        We has to cavort
        Before we’s all ridin in hearses

        © Ewa 2012


        • 44
          Universal Hiss says:

          I like that a lot.

          HTML failure. So love & kisses in boring wordy stuff.

          I have pink champagne in the fridge so who cares about anything?


        • 45
          Death Cab for Cutie says:

          That night Cutie called a cab.
          Baby, don’t do it
          She left her East Side room so drab.
          Baby, don’t do it
          She went out alone in town
          Knowing it would make her lover frown.
          Death cab for Cutie
          Death cab for Cutie
          Someone’s going to make you pay your fare.


        • 71
          Sir John Betcha Man (poet lorry eight) says:

          Folks confuse Moniker and Cat
          They don’t always see where it’s at.
          In this Jekyll and Hyde,
          The voice from inside
          Should instruct even those in a vat…

          Moniker is more serious and straight
          He can be somewhat plodding, any rate.
          More of a stuffed shirt
          Whilst Cat’s after skirt.
          Brilliant maybe, but one hinge short of a gate.


    • 62


      What have I started here. I went away and installed an air-conditioning unit and when I returned…

      By the sounds of it, goodness has nothing to do with it.


      • 104
        Boris not UKIP says:

        So you do leave your computer occasionally.


        • 109

          Of course:

          There are days on end when I don’t post. I am travelling or perhaps swimming.

          I also do a lot of construction and fitting work where my hands are dusty and I don’t want to transfer this to the computer. I work with metal, wood and plastic and have my own workshop. This week, I have already made and fitted 15 mosquito blinds which I have constructed from basic components.

          At other times I work on the computer so I can easily catch up quite frequently.

          Am I that different in habit to anyone else?


  7. 21
    Some Twat Up North says:

    Bet that bodyguard will end up spending a lot of time sitting outside his various paramours hooses, when he does his rounds.

    Or am I being silly? He’s obviously just collecting his rents.

    Hahahahaha, as if.


  8. 24
    Balls Ache says:

    Having been highly critical of George Osborne, when will Mr Ed and Balls call for Gordon Brown to be brought back to replace him as chancellor???


    • 47
      Gooey Blob says:

      Tories will need a new chancellor to fight the 2015 election, Lib Dems a new leader, and Labour both a new leader AND shadow chancellor.

      Nobody is looking very electable at present.


  9. 28
    Jimmy says:


  10. 32
    Jess The Dog says:

    Is it to protect him from women of easy virtue?


  11. 46
    Wiff Waff is coming home! says:


  12. 48
    Revd. Phoney (£rd Fucking Way) B£iar, sanctimonious git and £iar, emoting and wiv stupid grin says:

    Hey!!! hey!!! hey!!! Before you quite get blown off course REMEMBER IT WAS ME! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! ! … ME! that brought the O£umpics to Londonistan!!!


    • 81
      Forkbender says:

      Yes Tone, Boris and Dave are getting the bill ready to claim from you the excess of over buget run, it may take some time, a lot of it will a white elephant, and will be sold off at big loss like the Dome.


  13. 49
    Boris, the home wrecker says:


  14. 55
    Jimbo says:

    The tax payer has to pay for the expenses of previous PM’s to include War Criminal Blair, now we have to pay to protect buffons or to be more precise idiots !


  15. 63
    The bodyguard's CV says:

    Special experience in handling fallout from Nokia related injuries


  16. 72
    David Cameron (Leader of the Nasty Party) says:

    George Gideon Oliver Osborne has my full support as Chancellor of the Exchequer.
    He is doing a grand job and has no plan B.


    • 77
      Ed TwattyBand - Heir to BrownStainovich the ArseHole says:

      I juth can’t wait to step into Gordonth thooth!

      And that Cameron is juth a patthing cloud in my Blue Sky!!


    • 85
      Aunty Matter says:

      Does he have a plan A even? At least we’ve been spared Chloe Smith this time.

      Dear Tory HQ and Conservative Home. You want to sort out the economy? Here’s some free advice. CUT FUCKING TAXES YOU MONGS.

      See you get that for free.


      • 142
        CMD,Heir to Bliar Spokesperson says:

        But we are free to give away £Billions of Pounds Tax Payers money to more & more overseas countries that need our help…..like America, China, Russia, Japan….the list goes on & on & on & on……

        Its far better to Give than to Receive……

        I will strive to ensure that the UK Plc is the total basket case of the world it

        fully deserves to be

        otherwise I will have failed…..


  17. 84
    Gordon Brown MP says:

    I Gordon Brown declare the 30th Olympiad open.


    • 87
      Count Jacques Rogge says:

      Yоu cаn’t еvеn gеt thаt rіght, cаn yоu.

      Thе cоrrеct prоcеdurе fоr thе оpеnіng cеrеmоny іs:

      “I dеclаrе оpеn thе Gаmеs оf Lоndоn cеlеbrаtіng thе 30th Olympіаd оf thе mоdеrn еrа.”



  18. 90
    Gordon Brown says:

    my father told me I must give the gold medals back and let other children have a chance


    • 96
      The ghost of Gordon's moral compass says:

      But was eating all of the chocolate out of them first really the right thing to do ?


      • 103
        The Olde Story Teller says:

        But to be fair young Gordon did refill them with a brown, sticky substance resembling chocolate, A habit he maintained throughout his life – he turned everything of value into shit.


    • 113
      Aunty Matter says:

      I didn’t know there was an Olympic event for bogey eating or tossing the Nokia?


      • 189
        Can I help? says:

        Oh yes. It was created exclusively for one-eyed ambidextrous shirt lifting Scots. Not unlike Tossing the Cable, I hear.


  19. 93
    Papachristou - a Greek chick says:

    I was hoping to get to know your Borisher while the Games are on.

    Unfortunately I have been called home for a mosquito.

    Perhaps next time.


  20. 97
    Gordon Brown says:

    I invented donkeys


  21. 99
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Serwotka is a lying scumbag shyster.


  22. 101
    Aunty Matter says:

    We give the jocks one fucking event for the Olympics and they FUCK THAT UP.



  23. 108
    Wierd Ed says:

    So someone has displayed [crept into the IT facilities room in Hampden and switched] the North Korean flag for that of the South on the stadium graphics.

    We need a judge led inquiry into this, chaired by Her Honour Judge Allegro Stratton who will find that Cameron should be sacked together with Boris and Jeremy Hunt.

    I will be appearing with our special adviser and expert on Olympic flags, Owen Jones, on the Nine o’ Clock News, Newsnight, Today, Nicky Campell, Vicky Pollard and Pandarama to ask for Parliament to be recalled.


  24. 115
    Aunty Matter says:

    Felt I just needed to slap all of them, I wish they’d add Red Ed and Ed Testicles to the site.


    Feels good slapping one eye though.


    • 128

      That took me back! I just gave Brown another 200 and the other two got some deserved collateral as well.

      I must be out of practice as I could do much better in the same time when it originally came out. My wrist action is not what it was…


      • 134
        Aunty Matter says:

        I know, I used to have slapping McFuckup down to a fine art, out of practice. Really need an Ed Balls one.


    • 141
      Moe Howard says:

      Let me show you how it’s done properly– just pretend Larry Fine is Ed M, and my brother Curly is Ed B:


  25. 116
    National Socialist says:

    I worry as to the whereabouts of Schrodinger’s Cat, Rage Against The Political Elite and drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC. We are missing true greats.


    • 120
      The Keeper of the Cat says:

      Schrödinger’s cat is very grateful for your kind, if undeserved, words. You will be aware, no doubt, that his superposition necessarily means that he is both here and not here at the same time.

      He is currently working on his TOE. Not a poor paw, BTW. To elucidate, the acronym stands for Theory of Everything. In short, he holds that the universe, indeed the multiverse, is exceptionally simple in top level structure whilst it swiftly breaks down into very complex detail which is as a result of our only having three spatial dimensions and one of time. This gives us an extremely poor picture of matters and leads us into unnecessarily complex analysis.

      If we had the eleven dimensions necessary, including three of time, one of which probably runs contrary to our experience, then the lower level analysis would be much simpler.

      One must, in all truthfulness, add that there are a few charming local cats who are on heat and his progress is accordingly rather erratic…


    • 124
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      I was kinda wondering where nellnewman’s been, myself; she’s always fun. You might not think so, NS. Difference of opinion– that’s what keeps the bookies in business, they say.


    • 129
      Larry the cat says:

      I’m no man’s cat. I am my own cat and no human owns me.

      Anyone who has been inside this place for more than ten minutes will understand where I am coming from. It’s a Mad house and they are all stark raving BONKERS.


      • 133
        Logical entropy says:

        Do not confuse keeper with owner.


        • 172
          SP4BS says:

          You don’t really “keep” cats either. they just come back quite often, because they feel like it. You’d have to shove them in a sealed box if you wanted to say you “keep” a cat.


          • Anonymous says:

            My dear friend.

            I have what is possibly the only electronic catflap in my part of the world.

            The cat is chipped so that only it can come in and eat the food which is shopped for, transported, stored, opened and put out in a dish for it. Otherwise I would be feeding the entire population of cats in the neighbourhood at enormous expense.

            If I consider that is keeping the cat, then my logic, if not my freedom of speech allows me to say that. What the cat does when it is outside of the catflap is its own business about which, sometimes, I would rather not know.


  26. 122
    George Gideon Oliver Osborne says:

    I am delighted to announce that tomorrow I shall finish my work experience placement as Chancellor.


    • 180
      Phil says:

      Having been dealt the lousiest hand ever given to an incoming chancellor by a Labour Party that spent every last penny on everything including themselves but excluding the “working classes” I think George is doing a prettty good job.
      Given a bit of luck and 3 years to go I would not be surprised if he does turn the economy round although it will be in spite of the MSM, BBC and the Labour Party daily trying to destroy his credibility and by default running down all of us as we struggle to repair the damage left by a Labour Party whose only policy in the last decade or so was “What’s in it for me”.


  27. 123
    do me a favour says:

    Why is Paul Mason Economics Editor on Newsnight when he has no background or knowledge of economics?


  28. 125
    Kiss of Death or what? says:

    Boris should refuse ASAP. The curse of Jonah Brown is not to be taken lightly.


  29. 126
    The state is all poweful says:


  30. 132
    UKIP.i.am says:

    PCS union twats do U-turn.


  31. 138
    Scotch Watch says:

    It had to happen.

    The country that invented the Gay Gordon and where the men wear skirts has now blessed homosexual marriage.


  32. 139
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    Following on from my suggestion yesterday, in case Danny Boyle falls down on the job, I have been thinking about how to bring this new element into the opening ceremony…… Boris bursts out of a wood in the arena (obviously naked – thanks for the suggestion) in hot pursuit of a bevy of girls. As suggested (by annette curton I think) Boris should be waving a giant cadburys flake in a threatening manner (and here is the new bit) whilst the new security guy pursues Boris, in the dress of a 1950s London bobby. Obviously the PC will not have a truncheon in case Boris gets hold of it and uses it for inappropriate purposes. As before the accompanying music will be the Benny Hill theme tune. As a finale Boris will fling a discarded ciggy which will light the Olympic flame and then make a welcoming speech in which he will attempt to insult the maximum possible number of nations in a five minute limit. French insults will count double.


  33. 143
    Establishing good sleep habits says:

    Good night children – time to go to bed.

    No torches under those bedclothes.

    Nibble!!! Leave – Orifice – alone!!!


  34. 144
    Truly Bonkers says:

    On the subject of bonkers. Banning this TOP TOTTY from the Olympics is the most bonkers thing I have seen in years.



  35. 146
    albacore says:

    Dear Boris, ain’t he a lovable clown?
    Wins more votes each time his trousers drop down
    But Whirligig Dave’s the real funny man
    Who else could U-turn as fast as he can?
    A grin, a spin and another pratfall
    The wettest comedian of them all


  36. 147
    not a machine says:

    I have to admitt Spain exiting the Euro is an interesting plan , true IMF would be called and money from whoever would be loaned , depends if ESM and ESEF are called upon as well and in what % , also might get some reforms in that may be needed , at least 1 regional begins to function again , but wont it have the most debt ?? of any country ?? so my guess is markets would want to know how that works . It could provide some growth for rest of EU but even then does it just balance shrinkage in other countires ?? France seems incapable of reform , so then it will move to Italy . So far all in my view all scenarios seem to involve long debt repayments and strong fiscal controls in whatever country and a weak euro . I suppose have to wait until after holidays to see what solution if any is going to happen .

    Fascinated to see Will Straw calling for HS2 any one would think he just cant wait to see money poured into expensive projects rather than being more thoughtful about there use in the long repair . I was surprised that the modern ecnomic thought on big infrastructure in a downturn was getting a bit more controversial , in part because they invariablely be expensive things the economy may not grow as much as everyone said around them and become vanity projects with much regret . Vince could not quite bring himself to accuse labour of the mess , choosing headwinds instead and it was interesting to note that he had some praise for the foundations being put in place by the coalition .

    I wondered if anyone had reflected what the worst set of GDP figures was labour had ….. the answer is perhaps the glowing ones they had before the crash when they were borrowing money to hide the deficets . I dont think that todays are that bad , true they are dissappointing and wildly off the budgets , but then one may wanto visit budget predictions from 2008 to know when wrong figures are used.
    The other thing of course is that Labour have no deficet reduction plan and never have , and so lack credibility , it was usual role out of Coalition not working in what would always be difficult growth , yet so little illumation on what would work other than a few piece meal reliefs , so labour did not score very much and I noted were keen not admit that even there plans would mean cuts into 2017 , which is quite an achievement to admit that there own feindish contrivance to leave the accounts in such a mess is beyond any political game for a quick comeback once the nasty work had been done by the new government , which perhaps is a lesson in cynicsm .

    I perhaps think a little rue is being played by Labour , I do not agree with some of the chancellors projects , but that does not mean I think his plans arnt credible despite changes/lowering of growth due to some external factors , besides Will Straws idea on bringing building money forward may be completely wreckless with an inflation spike comming due to USA harvests that may partly affect our own intensive farm feeds , and global food prices .
    My concerns are that infrastructure projects are shaken down properly , I can see that some lower flatter tax possibilities are present , but that is a much bigger concept and I am unsure where revenues collected purely on usage lead in terms of stable interpretable information , purests in those thoughts have the whiff of wonk , but I some how still feel that some of the economists are wrong in saying that the new economy is growth , when it seems such large debts have happend .
    Where the chancellor could be wrong , is if the wonks are wrong with him and that is far from clear to me in that , some of them are beggining to see what is the actual truth of the debt age labour created , in that it may not be as normal as the simplistic models suggested about infrastructure as the actual economy has changed around since that theory was first used after WW2 .
    That perhaps is the trouble is that the debt itself has become has becoming a much larger factor in determining what is possible , than previously thought , I mean what are the plans for those euro countries economies ??? no one seems to know or say .
    If the PM and chancellor are about to embark on grand wonk , totally oblivious to the new realities , then that cannot go on , or indeed any unpleasant surprises then changes to anew direction must be done .


  37. 148
    David Dickinson says:

    I am looking forward to Gordon Brown attending the David Dickinson’s Real Deal Roadshow


  38. 149
    Mrs Duffy at Olympic Stadium says:

    All these foreigners. Where are they flocking from?


  39. 151
    UKIP.i.am says:


    Gillian Duffy: But how are you going to get us out of all this debt Gordon?

    Gordon Brown: Because we have got a deficit reduction plan to cut the debt in half over the next four years. We’ve got the plans, they’ve been set out today.

    Gillian Duffy: The three main things what I had drummed in when I was a child was education, health service and looking after people who are vulnerable. But there’s too many people now who aren’t vulnerable but they can claim, and people who are vulnerable can’t claim, can’t get it.

    Gordon Brown: But they shouldn’t be doing that, there is no life on the dole for people any more. If you are unemployed you’ve got to go back to work. It’s six months…

    Gillian Duffy: You can’t say anything about the immigrants because you’re saying that you’re… but all these eastern Europeans what are coming in, where are they flocking from?


  40. 153
    albacore says:

    What a lucky man, Boris, to be protected
    And have suspicious folks around him inspected
    As for England, Parliament can’t be arsed
    Come one, come all – they’d let anyone past



  41. 154
  42. 157
    Anonymous says:

    I just wondered if there is a world leader out there somewhere, that we do not yet know of, who really can lead?

    Some one who doesn’t just want to PM or President, doesn’t pander to minorities,public image or any thing else, so that he/she can get on and lead the world in these ever increasing tumultuous times?

    Don’t hold your breath!


    • 159
      Michael Page says:

      We’ve got the ideal man just come on our books. Age 59, has previous experience and excellent contact levels. Suntanned, rich, very nice smile.

      Shall we send him round?


  43. 164
    Anonymous says:

    news is filtering through of the most likely person to light the olympic flame. The person is …. Steve Ovett ………..not only will he light the flame but he’ll torch the carpark burn down the v.i.p area and lght up Seb Coe in what many are describing as ‘Steve Ovett: the Revenge’


  44. 165
    Brair and Blown says:

    I’m not a royalist but I do feel sorry for the Queen having to meet Blair and Brown again this week. She’d probably thought she’d seen the last of them.


  45. 166
    Judge Scalded Bollock says:

    No comments which refer to hacking either directly or indirectly will be allowed.

    God Save The Queen.


  46. 167
    Gordon Brown says:

    I asked the Macauley kids if I’m a hero like the Dark Knight. They said I’m more like Bane. Bigots. They could’ve at least said I’m like Catwoman.


  47. 170
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Listened to the Beeb this morning and comments about the “mistake” at the Olympic football in Scotland with the wrong Korean flag. The lofty disdain from the Humphrys sidekick who didn’t seem to think it important to know about flags and made some comment about “not being in the cubs”.

    Just read out the news and report the facts.


    • 175
      tHE bIASED bULLSHIT cORPSE says:


      nOW fuck off!!! AND pay your telly tax!!! lITTLE pERSON!!!


    • 176
      SP4BS says:

      I saw comments where people in most countries would just laugh and shrug it off if someone put the wrong flag against their name.

      I can think of one place where people would have a fit if you described their nationality inappropriately.


  48. 171
    Well it's a thought says:

    Why is it when the last three PM’s were ever interviewed on tv the I would turn the tv off, I should be listening to these superior people and taking advice and notice from them but no the telly gets turned off, is it that they are just lieing, inept tossers, who would be better recognised if they had put a mask on there faces and carried a back marked swag.


  49. 173
    Princess Po-Face Polytwaddle, handwringing, whining, talking down at people from her Ivory Tower, says:

    I am always right!

    I am never wrong!

    Oh this is outrageous!!! What a terrible night I’ve had!!!! Tossing and Turning!!! Even the Grouniad challenges me!! This would never have happened in Gordon’s day!! He understood me!! . . . I understood Gordon!! . .. his stats! . . his declarations . . ! . . ah . . his eyes . . . the memories! . . his penetrating gaze as he examined every minute detail of my component parts . . . his comments about my pieces . . . . his . .sensitive touch . . .! . . his probing masculine approach . . and his patient waiting as I caught up to where he wanted me to be . . . it’s too much! . . I’m going . . . ! . . I’m going to . . . to . . . I can’t help myself . .! no don’t help me . . . let me give myself to the moment . . it’s been too long . . I need the relief and discharge of all my pent up . tension . . . and . . ah! . . it’s here . . I’m going into status polytwadlikus . . .! . . ahhhhh! . . . oooohhhh! . . . . ahhh . . .!


  50. 184
    There is a better joke in there somewhere says:

    George Osbourne appears on Countdown with the following letters

    E C O N O M I C S

    George: Sorry I can only do a three letter: CON


  51. 185
    DZ says:

    I can do 5 letters : COMIC


  52. 200
    annette curton says:

    C8ntdown numbers puzzle: £3,000 000 000 ÷ 60 000 000 (p) = fucked.


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Labour insiders turn on Ed over Powell’s latest gaffe:

“When is he going to stop promoting useless people? He was warned about her.”

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