July 21st, 2012

Saturday Seven Up

This week 84,152 visitors visited 277,342 times viewing 481,704 pages. The top stories in order of popularity were:

You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
    Aye Lad says:

    Fantastic week Guido and team.

    Keep it up sir :)


    • 2

      I am not even going to mention *Rihanna* this week. Then I can’t be in trouble again.


      • 43
        UKIP.i.am says:

        Here’s a thing. Why not Lord Lawson as Chancellor of the Exchequer? Even with Alzheimers he’d be better than Osborne.

        He got the country out of Labour’s economic mess before. He can do it again.


        • 52
          One-term Dave says:

          There’s no place for the likes of him in my Chumocracy. He’s a Conservative, so I hate him.


          • Dave is a wet! says:

            A bucket of cold shit would be better in the Treasury than George Osborne. The man is a totally lightweight who only became Chancellor because he is a Bullingdon Chum of Dave.


          • Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

            Let me have my old job back as Chancellor. I was, and still am, a genius.


          • Nurse says:

            Genus, Gordon, genus.


          • Anonymous says:

            Poofter Nigel fucked the economy just as much as Gidders.

            You tory tossers ought to be rejoicing.

            Is it cos Nige was so keen on licking Thatcher’s arse?

            Until she sacked him.

            ha ha ha ha


          • UKIP.i.am says:

            Yes he really ruined the economy, you ignorant tosser.

            “After the government’s re-election in 1983, Lawson was appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer in succession to Sir Geoffrey Howe. The early years of Lawson’s chancellorship were associated with tax reform. The 1984 budget reformed corporate taxes by a combination of reduced rates and reduced allowances. The 1985 budget continued the trend of shifting from direct to indirect taxes by reducing National Insurance contributions for the lower-paid while extending the base of value added tax.

            During these two years Lawson’s public image remained low-key, but from the 1986 budget (in which he resumed the reduction of the standard rate of personal Income Tax from the 30% rate to which it had been lowered in Sir Geoffrey Howe’s 1979 budget), his stock rose as unemployment began to fall from the middle of 1986 (employment growth having resumed over three years earlier). Lawson also reduced the budget deficit from £10.5 billion (3.7% of GDP) in 1983 to a budget surplus of £3.9 billion in 1988 and £4.1 billion in 1989 the year of his resignation.”


        • 92
          Ted asked who governs Britain and the electors said not you mate !! says:

          For Gods Sake we do not HAVE a Conservative Government who will pursue Conservative policies on the economy…”Dave”is a LIBERAL-conservative in the mould of Ted Heath and about as fucking useless


    • 80
    • 158
      A reader says:

      Oi, I am chief arselicker on here


    • 327
    • 384
      Marion the cat says:

      Well yes, it seriously needs moderating – imagine putting Guido, Neo and Billy in the same sentence.


  2. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    Hiya Guido.

    Just wanted to say thanks for letting me use that pic other day.

    Am liking the new *media Guido* stuff.

    Also like the new complaint form, good to see blog taking customer service seriously :)


  3. 4

    WTF are you talking about Bіlly?


  4. 6
    Kebab Time says:

    Is Ozzy about to “Man up” ?


    • 20
      inconvenient facts says:

      You know how the BBC like their long range shots when covering sports events. Strange how they had a shot of the offshore wind turbines on day 1 of the golf and not one since. Wouldnt be anything to do with the fact they werent moving an inch, would it?


      • 40
        • 56
          UKIP.i.am says:

          Electricity generation
          CCGT (gas)
          PS (hydro)

          So our masters of power have forced up electric bills through subsidies by 50% in order to gain 1% extra electricity for the nation?

          Why isn’t there a Leveson-type enquiry into this scandal?


          • Mr. Nobby Pickens, Acacia Ave. UB9 says:

            No mention of my ten metre-square bank of solar panels I see.


          • The 1,000 year rule says:

            For the same reason that the Chilcot report expected this September has been kicked into the long grass never to re-appear this side of the millenium


    • 47
      We would if we could but we didn't win the election excuse says:

      Uncle Vince vetoed the last Tory attempt to get the union ballot laws changed and will do so again so this is all bollocks….the Tories don’t control policy I would have thought Gideon knew that by now…..


      • 57
        Busy dealing with the important issues, Giddy Osborne says:


        Oh, wow man! I can hear colours and see through time!


  5. 10
    Liz Truss says:

    Fucking hell,I’m going to be promoted to David Cameron’s Cabinet !


  6. 12
    B16B00B5 says:

    Has Osbo had his salary reduced for being a part-time Chancellor, looking after Tory Party re-election strategy instead of running the country’s finances?


  7. 15
    Lou Scannon says:

    Is there a wormhole linked to this site ? Where do all the comments that just vanish without trace actually go ?


  8. 21
    Kebab Time says:

    Union bosses have vowed to drag Labour further to the left before the next General Election – The Sun – http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/4441873/Unions-vow-to-go-left.html

    It seems the SaveEd campaign has been a success.


    • 91
      Fruitbat says:

      Well, if they can go far enough left, and I mean waaaay out there, they may find Wavey Davey and his ‘Conservatives’.


  9. 22
    Lou Scannon says:

    I’ve heard rumours that there’s going to be some sort of athletics shindig soon and that the Beeb is lined up to sponsor it. Can I say that here ?


  10. 25
    Kebab Time says:

    As the niece of an earl, daughter of a Harley Street physician, and a former pupil of a £20,000-a-year school, Harriet Harman concedes she’s ‘on the posh side’.

    But she isn’t, she insists, ‘Sam Cam posh’. Labour’s Deputy Leader made the comments during a magazine interview.

    She conceded that her blood ties and her comfortable upbringing made her privileged – but went out of her way to distance herself from the nobility.




  11. 27
    Gordon Brown(Live from Ed Miliband's house of Commons Office) says:

    I would like to wish Bradley Wiggins the very best of luck in the Tour De France.


  12. 28
    President Assad (hanging from a lamp post) says:

    A very happy Ramadan Guido to all my supporters.


  13. 29

    Harriet Halfman “I’m not as posh as Sam Cam”
    Question is How the fuck did this posh tart end up with Jack Drongo ? LoL



  14. 30
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    With all the troops now in London for the olympics it only takes an order from the Generals to march the troops into Parliament, Downing Street and the TV/Radio stations to start a popular military coup.

    The Military can then, in parallel, try and execute all the traitors in the LibLabCon and deport every last mus-lim from Britain. Also tear up all the treasonous EU treaties outside No. 10. The whole event can be televised.

    They can then set a date for fresh elections to take place with the B&P and UKIP ideally placed to become the new patriotic parties to vote for.


    • 34
      Lord Scalded Bollock says:

      What a splendid idea,old chap !


    • 35
      Eddie Wearing says:

      A knock-out idea. You’ll have my full coe-operation.


    • 37
      SOME GOOD NEWS says:

      Suicide Bombers to go on strike
      Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a month long strike during the Olympics in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut from 72 to only 50, this to apply from 28th July. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
      The suicide bomber’s union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth.”
      Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”
      Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as “there are no virgins in their areas anyway.”
      Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle – now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise. Another worry is the sudden influx of male virgins arriving in paradise supplied as an alternative.


      • 46
        Axe The Telly Tax says:

        It’s a permanent boom industry. LOL


      • 48
        • 71
          Meet the Feebles says:

          You must think it very odd of me
          But I enjoy the act of sodomy
          You might call the wrath of God on me
          But if you tried it then you might agree
          That you enjoy the act of sodomy

          Don’t worry if you feel ashamed
          It’s been around for years
          Thousands more than can be named
          Are interested in rears
          Don’t worry about hell
          No harm will come to your soul
          We’re not all Pentecostal
          But everybody’s got an asshole

          Let me tell ya ’bout sodomy
          You must think it very odd of me
          But I enjoy the act of sodomy
          You might call the wrath of God on me
          But if you tried it then you might agree
          That you enjoy the act of sodomy

          It might just improve your sex
          It’s a hard act to follow
          The fact that fundamentalists
          Find difficult to swallow
          So join me as I sing
          Of an activity that’s fun
          Open up your ring
          And try it front to bum


        • 89

          He just had to be a Shiite.


      • 70
        Expat Geordie says:


        Who would want 72 virgins anyway. Personally I’d rather just have half a dozen young slappers.


      • 74
        The Clap says:

        *huge ripple*


      • 81
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD and CODFATHER of SOUL says:

        Feckin suicide bummers !


      • 153
        Rat's arse says:

        S.G.N … you made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes! Tar!


    • 45
      Oliver Cromwell...it worked for me says:

      “You have sat too long for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”


  15. 39
    Lou Scannon says:

    Seen elsewhere : http://www.themediabriefing.com/article/2012-07-18/guardian-open-platform-revenue-realities
    ‘the 650 editorial workforce will be reduced by 70 to 100′
    Sounds like Jonah’s on their payroll.


  16. 41
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    I wonder if they will try to take the olympic torch through Tower Hamlets. LOL

    We could get the olympics off to a bang with the synchronised suicide bombing live from Tower Hamlets.


  17. 58

    Why isn’t is it raining?


  18. 82
    Postie Pat says:


    • 84
      annette curton says:

      Eh?, looks like Alan Johnson being totality ignored by Hessle residents to me, poor old sods have been kicked out and now have to live on a bench.


    • 119
      Well it's a thought says:

      Has he bought his suit with taxpayers money from the HOC or taxpayers money from the BBC.


    • 342
      Blowing Whistles says:

      From the dizzy heights of the DTI to blagging a few pence out of a poor frail old pensioner … what next you contemptible, fork-tongued, despicable, sad, duplicitous, champagne swilling, socialist suit wearing, low-life union marxist, zioloon, duped midget?


  19. 98
    Ed at the cricket? says:


  20. 103
    AC1 Kenobi says:

    I’ve spent all morning bashing Darth Vader’s helmet with my light sabre.

    May the farce be with you.


  21. 104
    lets all laugh at Clegg says:


  22. 108
    Crime must not pay. says:


  23. 110
    'dAVE' cOmORON, pRICK, sOSHERLIARIST & gIT says:

    tRUST mE! i’M A pr (uP THE aRSE) sTAR!!! aND i lURVE pHONEY b£IAR!!! aND i’M GONNA BE A bIG kNOB IN THE €ussr ONE DAY!!!


  24. 113
    Seb 'Laud' Coe says:

    I get all my kit from Marx & Sponsors.


  25. 118
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:


    Poopy nose millibandwagon is on TMS view from the boundry.


  26. 122
    Ed Miliband says:


  27. 138
    WACISTS!!!!!!!! says:


    • 142
      annette curton says:

      Sounds like a marginally dumbed down BBC Panorama Special.


      • 150
        Sir Aston Martin says:

        The cretinization and brainwashing of Eurozone 4b [Britain] is now complete, my masters!


        • 152
          Education, Edyerkayshun, Eddyookaashun says:

          Societal disintegration during The Reign of Terror 1997 -2010.

          Mission Accomplished


          • This is passage is taken from G K Chesterton’s The Secret People and Hannan has reorganised its order slightly to suit his theme. Three dots indicate where there is a jump to another place, which occurs both backwards and forwards:

            They have given us into the hand of new unhappy lords,
            Lords without anger and honour, who dare not carry their swords.
            They fight by shuffling papers; they have bright dead alien eyes;
            They look at our labour and laughter as a tired man looks at flies.

            We hear men speaking for us of new laws strong and sweet,
            Yet is there no man speaketh as we speak in the street.

            Smile at us, pay us, pass us; but do not quite forget.
            For we are the people of England, … and we have not spoken yet.


          • David Camoron (one-term PM) says:

            Like all Conservatives, Hannan’s nothing but a looney, fruitcake and closet rácist.

            But I concede, there are a number of issues with our EU membership, and that is why I am sending a team of negotiators to Brussels, to negotiate the repatriation of some of the many powers we have lost. To help them out, I have improved the team’s chances by telling the EU, in advance, that if they don’t allow us to repatriate some (or indeed any) of the powers we’ve lost, I will do nothing about it whatsoever.

            Am I not the greatest negotiator in British history?


          • A lying cheating useless two-faced hypocritical pretentious pontificating fuckwit (no, not Gordo) says:

            Your constant whining is tiresome!

            Look, I rule the TransManche zone – this bit of the Espace Manche Development Initiative. And when I talk about the Anglo-Saxon Pond, you better know that this is the Future and you better jolly well get yused to it!

            My Progressive colleague Nick and I are working our arses off trying to get you thick shits to understand THERE IS NO GOING BACK!!


          • UKIP.i.am says:

            Like all socialists Ed Milibandwagon is an overt racist. Wasnt he just he just echoing Mcmental by saying immigration should be curbed in order to protect British jobs for British workers? No doubt his paymasters had a hand in that as the greedy, treasonous unions are overt racists as well.


        • 155
          I know I sound snobbish, but.. says:

          (Squeeky breathless voice) “The show will have 3D GRAPHICS!! That’s it for now, more telly-goss soon!”

          Just out of idle curiosity, is youth unemployment rising by any chance? Are employers perhaps avoiding the under-25s, for some picky reason?


          • It's ... says:

            becuse they is so edyerkaytud they might put existing qualified workers to shame and hence cause fricshun in the werk palce!


          • Forkbender says:

            Pity the poor grads out of university with 2-1 in mejia studies


          • Labour's ejoojkayshun - another victim says:

            I was searching for a list of “Mic*key Mo*use” degrees, and found a discussion site where 6th-form and university students can discuss student life.. check this (quoted as-is):

            “The Big List of ‘Mic*key Mo*use’ Degree’s!

            Ive read plenty of these which end up being a massive discussion.
            Please, I would like everyone to list what they think is a worthless degree and that.
            Ei- Golf Managment, Media and such are often looked down upon by the economists and medicine students!”

            He/she adds:

            “PS- Sorry about the apostphy, I realise I am a simpleton!”

            That was from 2010. I wonder which Jobcentre he/she’s going to be attending in a year or two.



          • Hey! Arseholes! I've got a great topic for a PhD Thesis for all lefty twats!!! says:

            The Loif and Toymes of The Great Helmsman – Grounidad BrownStainovich!


          • yOU DON'T MEAN? says:



  28. 148
    Lord Coe - Backstairs Billy's "training partner" says:

    I am still an utter c*unt.


  29. 166
    Pox News 24/7 says:

    My God, if only one of those stories was “Lordy Coe exiled to Bongo Bongo land, or anywhere in fact!

    Wenlock and Mandeville, did someone actually receive money from the Olympic slush fund to come with a pair of cycloptic molars on the move.


  30. 174
    For we are the people of England, and we haven't spoken yet. says:

    Just received a leaflet through the door from ” The People’s Pledge ” .org

    Sign up.


  31. 180
    Alice and Bob says:



  32. 184
    Lord C0e says:

    I am an utter c’unt.


  33. 187
    A vile two-faced bully, liar, ignorant & sanctimonious git, benefactor of bent & bonkers bankers says:

    I am the Edyerkayshun Supremo of the Whole WORLD!

    Mr MUGABY will be UN Supremo for World Tourism!

    What a pair we make!


    • 192
      For everyone in the world, EVER !!!..... says:

      …..bar Ewa , 8illy, TAT, MOWB, LCBT, Col. Kernel (retd), Parabellum, Obo, simon (lower case) coulter, Iggy Jerk (Baton Rouge, USA), some other quality, trolling c’unts I’ve forgotten….


      • 194
        simon coulter says:

        How very dare you? *sniffles*


      • 199
        Igonnakum Jerk says:

        I read this, this this weblog posting from For
        everyone in the world,
        EVER !!!….. and it brought to mind
        a funny thought

        moderator presses mute button


  34. 189
    Forkbender says:

    Have got everything packed Guido for your annual jollies in France, if you are going, you’ve less than a week before chaos ensues with the big Olympic bore, blockages assured.


    • 224
      Innit says:

      Chaos has already started. Getting round East London was not easy this afternoon.


      • 231
        Lord C0e says:

        Were you drinking Pepsi and eating something from Burger King by any chance?

        * * * Celebrate © 2012 © * * *


  35. 198
    Lord Scalded Bollock says:

    According to John Prescott a story about to break over Govt smear campaign,forged letters etc etc.

    Get on the case Guido !


    • 222
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Hey Lardy presscotsupercasinolobbyiedRsole and fed too many pizzas – Would that be anything to do with the Pam Warren smearing by Labour Spads re the Paddington train crash?


      • 242
        A. Panty Sniffter says:

        IF you know what’s good for you – Hat’s a good place to start – then put that down as exactly what you DON’T need!


  36. 202
    Brianannony Gordon says:

    On a practical note:
    Will the combined mass of my wobblers affect the flight of our boys’ javelins next week?
    Should I wear a lead brassiere for the duration?


    • 204
      E says:

      I’m soo fuckin bored .

      Where is my intellectual peers when I needs them , FFS ??

      E x .


      • 206
        8i11y 8owd3n's mum says:

        He’s up the dilly dear.


      • 207
        Mr Helpful says:

        “Where is my intellectual peers”

        I’m sure tat’ll be along later.


      • 209
        tHE bbc dEPT oF pLITICAL kRECTNESS says:

        wE’RE HERE WHEN you NEED US!


      • 211
        Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

        Dream on, dear. I’ll knit you a little something while you wait for them to gestate.


      • 217
        Mr Slater's Parrot says:

        SS-SKREEEE-EEET!!! (crest) COGITOERGOSUM!! (ping)


      • 240
        Igonikon Jack says:

        Are you more outstanding than Bryony Gordon?

        “First of all, before I proceed with this commentary under Bryony Gordon’s above article, I want to thank her for reproducing my Sept. 6 commentary under her article: ‘Even Mexicans drink more than we Brits,’ in her web-blog site. It has really metastasized in the web–far beyond my expectation. I found out every time I went to the google search engine to research my commentaries for updates and other details.

        “I have read some–those closest to the information I’m looking for. It’s still all about time, which is a scarce resource for me. Because of many undertakings. Also, I have to thank the Daily Telegraph for allowing the commentary, which has enabled readers to fairly understand, the “Mystery of Me”, which she wrote about, is explained through a lot of the commentaries I have posted in the Telegraph: Hard work, Patience, Dedication, Cosmic Intellectualism; and more–all of which are the driving forces behind most writers’ efforts and people’s success. And, before I conclude this segment, I, also, want to remind readers, that the Sept. 6 commentary is about all writers and correspondents who labor as I do, and came under undeserved, personal attacks. And, I’m pleased to observe that the commentaries have become a whole lot better in terms of criticizing ideas, as opposed to ad hominem attacks. Now, coming to Ms. Gordon’s article on school reunion (popular as high-school renuion here in the US), it’s something I discovered when I came to America. It’s a big event. I have seen it in many movies. I have heard people prepare for it or talk about it. I didn’t really know the ultimate significance, until I found out how it affected a fellow employee who has left for another job a while ago. His school established a web site for the 25th anniversary reeunion so that students who graduated then could communicate with one another and prepare for the celebration which took place in a city about 600 miles away. The students’ high-school names were published, along with their available e-mail addresses. And, he spent a lot of time researching and voluntarily giving me updates. But, his greatest surprise was that one of the classmates lived just nearby in the same city of ours. And he didn’t know until he went to the school reunion. He showed me the pictures taken at the reunion, his friend’s letter of appreciation and a duplicate key to his friend’s apartment to prove and dramatize the significance of the event. Indeed, it’s significant. For me, personally, there may not be a school reunion. Because it’s a tradition I met here. But, we had a memorable prom where students, teachers and school administrators dressed impressively. The school student president (a classmate) delivered the valedictory speech. Then, his deputy, from the incoming final class delivered the farewell address, which, ironically was his inaugural address. Lessons learned were utmostly outlined in these speeches, along with pieces of advice. What legacy my class
        established which I want to share here is this: In the 3-month summer vacation preceding my graduation year, we wanted to advance the study of the syllabus for our high-school diploma exam–on our own. As students, we had no jobs. But, we were able to convince parents and guardians to help us with the funds to hire a teacher–a former schoolmate and a genius who had the best scholastic record–to come and teach us for almost the whole period. He was only two classes ahead of us. There was no Math, Physics, Advanced Math or Chemistry problem he couldn’t solve. He spoke excellent English. In his Biology class, words like hermoproditism (animal bisexuality), hyperglycemia (high blood sugar), etc., shook the classroom. All, without notes. His textbook on the teacher’s table was just for minor reference. In the end, the event, which I helped to organize, was a huge success.”
        Igonikon Jack, USA
        Posted by Igonikon Jack on September 20, 2257 9:25 AM


  37. 215
    Gordon Brown says:

    I eat one boiled egg per day for six days then on the seventh I eat a packet of fig rolls


  38. 226
    Backstairs 8i11y Vague says:

    My mate Lord Coe is an excellent judo training partner. It’s a shame Lord Archer (pbuh) isn’t still serving Shepherd’s Pie and Krug.


  39. 235
    CameraOn - A complete and utter HUNT! says:

    I am a complete and utter HOON, HUNT, and TOSSER – just like Phoney B£iar tort me!


    • 243
      Lord C0e says:

      I learned from B£iar and thence imparted much of my inner soul to you and your friends.


      • 247
        CameraOn - A complete and utter HUNT! says:

        You Divine Boy! Now, just to prove your creds, – come down on me – then, when I’m relieved, we can tork some more – you lovely bushy babe! Eton does ssssssso refine the taste!


  40. 245
    Lord Archole says:

    Where are my fucking tickets you bastards?


    • 249
      Suggestion Bocs says:

      Go and talk to your ‘fragrant’ lady


    • 253
      Anonymous says:

      U still outta prison , babes ??


      • 255
        Ray says:

        I’m not the world’s most passionate guy…


        • 257
          It woz justa experiment gone wrong ... says:

          Q the vid:


          • garden shed pogoer says:

            Shall we?


          • Ray says:

            There is more than one.


          • Yeah . I likes the best .. says:

            You choose an we dances round our rooms in our imaginary clothes .


          • fuck 'em says:

            M*dB*t blocking vids tonite?


          • Ray says:

            If I takes my imaginary clothes off , am I still nude ?


          • ModBot says:

            Try SL, madam. They quite like you there, I hear.


          • It woz justa experiment gone wrong ... says:

            Dunno. It were a throwaway comment like all my comments has ever bin.

            I never wanted to be the new Augustine of Hippo.


          • ModBot says:



          • Ray says:

            What is wrong with Grant me chastity and continence, only not yet?


          • Yeah . I likes the best .. says:

            Nothin . Don’t fuck wiv my brain , hun . U already knows me . I ain’t any deeper than that , thank goodnees .


          • ModBot says:

            I love you just the way you are, madam.


          • It woz justa experiment gone wrong ... says:

            U would , darlin !!

            I pull ur plug otherwise .

            Who’s ur mummy , FFS ??


          • Ray says:

            U r better than u lets on .

            (Anyway , it wasn’t the brain I woz thinkin of … but don’t wann b 2 smutty ;-))


          • james delingpole says:

            *swoons and takes gas*


          • Hamlet, Prince of Denmark says:


            (Don’t leave it too late. I get written out of the script at some point.)


          • It woz justa experiment gone wrong ... says:

            I knows wot u referencin but I ain’t even read it .

            I couldn’t give a shit .

            My brain is focused on the here an now .

            Dickens ain’t gonna save the planet , is he darlin ??


          • Hamlet, Prince of Denmark says:


            Sounds like one of those bust banks , doesn’t it , ffs ?

            (How does she know I call it Little Dorrit ? )

            I don’t wanna bust your cranium , darlin xx .


          • It woz justa experiment gone wrong ... says:



            WOT U READS IS ME .

            IF U DOESN’T KNOW ME BY NOW ….FFS !!



            E x .


          • Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

            Calm down, dear. I’ll knit you something for your loose change.


          • Ray, occasional Shakespearean roles says:

            No need to shout , you will wake the others up .

            I would estimate that only 1% of people will know who Augustine of Hippo is , never mind actually read his stuff .

            You brought him up , not me .

            I am not famous an I don’t give a fig about it .

            But if that’s what u wants , that’s cool .


          • A Fanny says:

            You’re a healthy realist, “It woz justa experiment gone wrong …”

            The optimists would call you a cynic and the pessimists might label you “a bit trippy” but you are on the right track.

            Please look after yourself and keep us focused on the big issue.


          • It woz justa experiment gone wrong ... says:

            @ Ray, occasional Shakespearean roles

            Sorry for “shouting”. CAPS LOCK etc. ♥


          • Aunt Nelda says:

            I think they should have babies together – they seem like an ideally matched couple.


          • Aunt Maude says:

            I think I am going to cry. Where’s my hanky?


          • Ray, occasional Shakespearean roles says:

            No probs , darlin x .

            Thought it might be the white stuff .

            Nearly went off an had one myself .



          • garden shed gynaecologist says:

            It just might be conceivably possible.

            *doesn’t bother to spellcheck nothing*


          • garden shed undergrad says:

            What is the gestation period for an imaginary baby?

            My friend wants to know.


          • Professor Doo-Dah BSc. says:

            Approximately three sentences, sir.


          • Mr Raymond Seymour says:


            We’ve had 60 of them so far and the benefits have been limited to the national wage.

            Don’t you ever wish you were better informed?


          • Marion the cat says:

            Ray, occasional roles etc, its just a church in Dudley really.


  41. 252
    hmmmm says:

    Sally has a problem with size again

    Sally Bercow ‏@SallyBercow
    Olympic torch essentially a bloody giant candle FGS! Why all this torch worship? Ridiculous.


  42. 285
    Saffron says:

    Sally Ally needs to stick her comments up her asshole,who of us are bothered about this feckin fortune seeking asshole.
    Ossie boy is a laugh,why this plonker is even talking about economics is a joke and his comments now about the liebore unions is pathetic,when exactly will a government today grow a pair and get to grips with this lot.
    Will this happen,no it will not because we now have an asshole of a government who have not got a clue.


    • 294
      ModBot says:

      We do have a video of Sally poking comments up her own arse but, due to technical hitches, we are having trouble embedding them.
      Bear with us. *parps*


  43. 297
    BBC Newsroom lefties says:

    Phew! As you all know we at the BBC have been covering the Olympic Torch to ensure you are all totally brainwashed into supporting the Great Labour party gift to you all.

    But we’ve been very concerned that the crowds have been far too white and viley English. Well thank god now we’re into London and we’ll ensure we get plenty of multi cultural diversity gay and lesbian, transgender and Muslim images to brainwash you even more.

    Think we may have to have a power cut when Danny Boyle does all that white English rubbish next Friday, but don’t worry we’ll power up for the Muslim Jihad dancers and the mock executions of women in the middle of the stadium. We will also cover in HD the Muslim warriors beheading westerners then seeing how far they can throw the heads across the stadium.

    So toodle pip and keep buying the Guardian.


    • 302
      Matthew Amawillywally says:

      I’m a lesbian but I don’t condone public beheadings, do I?

      Now, over to Dan for the latest weather: How gay are the clouds going to be tomorrow, Dan?

      Will we need umbrellas?


    • 359
      Adolf says:

      What’s wrong with you bunch of Jessies ? Owin’ too much to be able to pay more white actors to swell the crowds ?


  44. 301
    Team SKY says:

    Tour de France! Nicolas Sarkhozy! Francois Hollande! General de Gaulle! Napoleon Bonaparte! Can you hear me Franky Hollande? Your boys just took one hell of a beating!


  45. 304
    SC says:

    Lives on the Line.

    Life expectancy by tube station.

    82 for HA2-HA4. 86 for North Ealing where I grew up.



  46. 306
    Gordon Brown VJ says:

    If you could post one video that was relevant to The 2012 London Olympics, what would it be?

    *waves to the ModBot*


  47. 309
    Fuck Nose says:

    No videos tonite. Site’s fucked.


  48. 310
    Fuck Nose says:

    So’s my aim.


    • 330
      Fuck CamweTwat! - a worthy and entorely laudable endeavour! says:

      Camertwat – a traitor and turncoat – a snake in the grass and utterly contemptible reptile – should be crushed by the sheer weight of proper Tory Venom!



  49. 322
    not a machine says:

    Another £350mn to EU Ta very much , yes EU votes itself a 2.8% budget increase , and because of voting system we cant say no ………
    Still could have been worse they wanted 6.8% and we should all celebrate our economy is £400mn better off then …… I dont know why they dont make it some kind of Olympic event , most money extorted under a democratic banner without needing any form of vote …….

    Nick has a stiff drink and goes to the People , think I want my old flame back in 2015 , or just pining for the fjords , weepy classics “I wanna wake up with you” , eh hold on a minute grommit people will get the wrong Idea , there cant be two people on any bandwagon and Eds wanting first dib of any potential , bessides you will have to kiss glassmans boot . Yet somewhere along the course to the new yoof movement , the question must be put , Eds and EU sell out merchant and so is Nick , so what meds will be on offer on such a tie up , the upward inflective question, space cars , more votes that dont matter as legisaltion will come form EU , risky venture from where I sit , but sell outs usually are . I dont know what it is that the lib dems find so objectionable about low taxes , some wealth ownership , free markets and a happy country , that make Labour so attractive , perhaps Ed Balls will have to make way for vince , decontaminate an all that .
    Eds getting out an about , in his new show celebrate my disatrous partys time in government , part shoulder shrug part new revolution next generation forget the past or any explanation of it , scream if you wanna go faster ,, yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh , trend , gather , coagulate , coalesce anything but the truth , thats how we did it las time after all ………


    • 328

      kEEP IT UP!!



      • 333
        McDonalds says:

        Ur brill !!

        We singing from same sheet but I more deeper than yous .

        E x .


      • 345
        not a machine says:

        My only motivation is hoping that there is enough desire to explain what a utter corrupt shambles the last goverment was and that the Eu will turn out to be no better . They lied and busted the economy and very few of them should be sat there drawing 65k a year playing a shoring up there safe seats.


  50. 332
    The Torch says:


  51. 341
    Muzzie youf disrupts Olympic torch procession says:


  52. 343
    Blowing Whistles says:

    For you early birds (worm catchers)


    BTW The Agenda 21 AGW / CC nutters are getting it up their ‘extremist’ butts in Bournemouth as of Sat 21st July – getting it big time from ‘the Public’, the taxpayers – and not the locally invertebrate councillors at Bournemouth Borough Council – they’ve got enough problems what with the Audit Commisssion being all over them with the mouchel outsourcing debacle exploding in their faces at present and that’s just for starters.

    Wait until the revelations start to reveal themselves next week at Britains most “Rotten to its core Borough” ….


    • 346
      not a machine says:

      What could possibly be corrupted , in a sandy retirement resort , with a huge foreign students colledge ……….


    • 382
      Expat Geordie says:

      I particularly like the one where a senior manager is getting paid as council staff AND as a contractor. You would have thought that he would have noticed.

      You’re wrong about Bournemouth being Britain’s rottenest borough. Compared to Durham County Council, or Monklands in Scotland, Bournemouth are rank amateurs.


  53. 344
    not a machine says:

    After the high octane finalie to season 2 in parliament , you would have thought , we might have had a bit of a lull until HOC canteen re opens in sept .
    I was looking forward to reading some of my book accumulations and finishing my thoughts on the nature of freedom and democrcay and how it got subverted .

    The names of the dead of Cinema shooting in USA are being released , perhaps most people are assuming it was a spray of bullits , yet some reports have him managing some point blank range shots . I perhaps side with Chief of Police in not wanting to to give press any macarbe juice , as he said most important thing is that it is presented in court . The role out of the physcology study was interesting , in only that it came to an abrubt halt as soon as it was said he was on one new types of la la drugs . Perhaps in the Uk we look upon these marriages of guns and nutters as unique to USA , but it is hard for us to understand , how movie going premiers can be more of family thing in the USA , with kids dressed in outfits and a safe night out .

    I perhaps make an unusual point in that the USAs gangster history always had that touch of glamour of the racketeer although when the mass shootings first started to appear post ww2 is an interesting thought . In the UK the first one I remeber was Hugerford which i think was 1986 , so quite what was different about culture from 1950 to 1980 when these things dont seem have happened is intertesting to ponder . Although we shouldnt forget that mexico has slipped into narco gun madness .

    I would have thought that by now the legalising drugs lobby would be more understanding of where it all can lead , it will be interesting to see if the USA has to consider both the guns and new sorts of drugs , I mean you consider drugs a sort of pre crime agent equally responsible for all those deaths as much as the hail of bullits and his desire for infamy with his cyber group .

    It will be interesting to see if the USA treats these peddlers of drugs as needing help , or needing help to the gallows , to resolve this new style house of designer drugs . Its pretty well know in sociology that drugs lead to poverty , but we are talking about mental poverty with some of these new drugs , but then have recreational drugs ever offered an undebted escape from anything….. I consider my self very lucky to have got past some of the drugs that were a small part of my youth , in part because I found my christian faith and began to see of these chemically induced happy people as a bit limited and boring , but it has become part of culture and it seems every culture has had some form of it in the past.

    Funny week , we have billionaire couple in a £70mn house who did drugs and was incapable of decalring his wife dead and we have med school grad drop out living in small flat who wanted random people on a family night out dead ,while whatever he was on made him lord of all life and death for a couple of hours . Perhaps “de filing oneself ” literally means losing those internal files that support , self worth , when we take things that are sold as enhancing it by liberal unvalidated seductions that come from certain areas of modern culture .


    • 383
      Expat Geordie says:

      Hungerford was 1987. Michael Ryan did it with mostly illegally held weapons and only got his Firearms Certificate because he was friendly with a policeman. Dunblaine was 1996 and Thomas Hamilton was only able to get his FAC as he was a kiddie fiddler supplying little boys to leading members of the local Labour party.


  54. 347
    by the way... says:

    Thanks for the “flash” shit on your site that caused my browser to crash.

    You c#unts.


  55. 348
    fuck off - bookmark deleted says:

    Fuck your scripts btw.


    • 352
      Tachybaptus says:

      Usіng Сhrоmе brоwsеr wіth АdBlосk, Ghоstеrу аnd Dо Νоt Τrасk, аnd blосkіng Јаνаsсrірt оn thіs раgе, І sее nоthіng hеrе І dоn’t wаnt tо sее, еxсерt fоr уоur fееblе mеwlіngs. Τhаt gоеs fоr 347 tоо, thоugh І thіnk іt’s frоm thе sаmе nеtwіmр.


      • 355
        Anonymous says:

        Well, how very observant of you, not.


      • 356
        abc says:

        You think I really give a shit?

        Guido is fully arsed up in the media whores he alleges he despises.

        Fuck him and fuck you. You’re welcome to each other.


  56. 349
    Fabians are Evil says:

    So Red Ed is in Europe at a gathering of European Socialist Youth who have a stated objective to do away with Neoliberal Politics. Well I don’t know about you dear reader but this seems to be a very clear insight into Red Ed and the socialist end game.

    You should be scared- very scared!

    “Neoliberalism is in the first instance a theory of political economic practices that proposes that human well-being can best be advanced by liberating individual entrepreneurial freedoms and skills within an institutional framework characterized by strong private property rights, free markets and free trade. The role of the state is to create and preserve an institutional framework appropriate to such practices. The state has to guarantee, for example, the quality and integrity of money. It must also set up those military, defence, police and legal structures and functions required to secure private property rights and to guarantee, by force if need be, the proper functioning of markets. Furthermore, if markets do not exist (in areas such as land, water, education, health care, social security, or environmental pollution) then they must be created, by state action if necessary. But beyond these tasks the state should not venture. State interventions in markets (once created) must be kept to a bare minimum because, according to the theory, the state cannot possibly possess enough information to second-guess market signals (prices) and because powerful interest groups will inevitably distort and bias state interventions (particularly in democracies) for their own benefit.[24]“


  57. 354
    B Wiggins says:

    I didn’t take no drugzzzzzzzzzzzz. Honest ;) ! ;) ! ! ;! ;;;; )


  58. 357
    Vladimir Putin says:

    Comrade Guido

    The cheque is finally in the post.

    Fraternal Greetings.


  59. 360
    Gordon Brown, addressing a row of bins at CurrrrrCudeeee Asylum for Lunatics and Moral Defectives, says:

    The House will be pleased to know that even before it is finished, I have Won the Tour de France! Stats to prove this are presently being generated by the Remedial Maffs Class at CurrrrrCudeeee Akadameeeeeeeee.


  60. 361

    Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
    Shaves in the dark, trying to save paper
    Sleeps in a hole in the road
    Saving up to buy some clothes
    Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
    Such a mean old man
    Such a mean old man
    His sister Pam works in a shop
    She never stops, she’s a go-getter
    Takes him out to look at the Queen
    Only place that he’s ever been
    Always shouts out something obscene
    Such a dirty old man
    Dirty old man


  61. 363
    Anonymous says:

    you won’t find this on order order




    • 366

      As always, the article, the comments on it and you miss the main point.

      If the governments from which the money has fled hadn’t put up taxes to such an obscene level, the perfectly legal avoidance industry would not have grown so.

      Suppose an army of people broke into your house and started to remove all your things? Would you simply sit back and say Well, in the name of equality, go ahead. You must need it more than I otherwise you would not have broken in in the first place?


      • 371
        Another crap Gruaniad article says:


        It’s a classic messed-up “wants to have their cake and eat it” article – the money “would be more than enough to pay off their debts to the rest of the world”, and it should be used to “reduce countries’ deficits” and it should be taxed at 30% so that “it would generate a bumper £121bn in revenues – more than rich countries spend on aid to the developing world each year.”

        Which is it to be? Used to pay off debt? Used to reduce deficit? Or taxed at 30% It can’t be all three, and none of them is a viable long-term solution to the global debt problem.


  62. 364

    44% of All voters want Osborne gone
    22% of Tory votes want him replaced

    But hey ho , it’s business as usual for Calamity Cameron


  63. 374

    I would really like Emily to Oldham before i Bury my face in her Honeywell
    then give her Hollind Bush a good Stoke with my Cockington


Seen Elsewhere

Does Europe Really Want Britain to Quit? | Nick Wood
Immigration Nation | Hopi Sen
Tories Choose Anti-Israel Candidate in Rochester | JC
Osborne’s Daycare Obsession is a Time Bomb | Kathy Gyngell
BBC Marr Pinko Trying to Ban the Queen | Speccie
Eric Hobsbawm: Companion of Dishonour | Standpoint
Guido Party Gossip | Iain Dale
Russell Brand Comes Out as 9/11 Truther | Guardian
Health Revolution is Underway | Fraser Nelson
UKIP Gets Professional | Red Box
Kelly Tolhurst Wins Rochester Open Primary | BBC

Find out more about PLMR

Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,545 other followers