July 18th, 2012

Thieving Politicians at the Heart of Downing Street

From: Government Whips Admin Unit (HOC)
Sent: 18 July 2012 15:28
Subject: Message from the Whips Office

Dear Colleagues,

Further to my original message last week, I would like to give another appeal to any colleague who may have accidentally taken a gents black umbrella from No 10 after the PM’s drinks reception. It would be greatly appreciated if you could please return it to the Government Whips Admin Unit or call on ext: 4333 in the House.

Many thanks


Claire Scott
Head of Parliamentary Support
Government Whips Office
House of Commons

If the House was sitting Labour would have an Urgent Question tabled by now…


  1. 1
    The Public says:

    Hang em!


    • 22
      Lost in Space says:

      You can get a half decent black folding Brolly from poundland. There’s no need to go to the trouble of burgling Dave’s house.

      He doesn’t seem to have surrounded himself with the brightest of minders though. One Brolly, one daughter and a good reputation all gone missaing recently.


      • 45
        Sdh60406 says:

        Keeping in practice for ballot boxes.


        • 49
          Forkbender says:

          You don’t say there is a tea leaf among all those Conservative chappies, bad form, I could understand it if was outside with all those pleby types walking past, but in No.10, what are things coming to.


          • Roger The lodger says:

            It’s a job for Batman; top suspects living locally must be the Joker or the Fiddler


    • 47
      erm... says:

      is it a national appeal now.
      brolly gone missing.
      suppose it’s a collector’s item.


  2. 2
    D. Abbott MP says:



  3. 3
    Laurie Penny says:



  4. 4
    Bring back Enoch says:

    these people are suppose to represente there people like but what do they do they dont do nothin and now there stealin umbrellass


  5. 4
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    have to call in the umbrella plod, no doubt will have 40 plods working on it ready to report to leveson


  6. 6

    Another faultless fourteen words of editorial.

    Unlike two pages ago.


  7. 7
    kilkeal says:

    Are umbrellas not covered by expenses? Buy another one with a tracker and move on.


  8. 8
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Look I only nipped out for a fag, the bloody thing was already broken honest


  9. 9
    Ed Miliband says:

    I demand a judge-led inquiry in to this disgraceful act, the public won`t understand the Prime minster trying to brush this under the carpet.

    It just goes to show how out of touch he is.


    • 32
      EdBalls says:

      What we need is a light touch regulater to monitor this. We can call it Check Umbrella’s Not Taken Service


  10. 11
    amfortas says:

    ….and the 8000 email addresses hidden inside, please.


  11. 13
    CMD,All Smoke & Mirrors UK Master of Manipulation & Mendacity says:

    Would believe that light fingered opportunists could be at the very heart of my administration

    No wonder the Public have very little confidence in their Political Ruling Class !!

    I going to appoint a Judge lead full enquiry team to find the real reasons why this happened & what can be learnt for the future to ensure when it happens again
    no one, not even you Guido will be able to find out……


  12. 14
  13. 15

    And for a change it would be an urgent question that RedEd could understand.


  14. 16
    Sylvio says:

    Give up Claire – probably on ebay over the w/e and gone by now.


  15. 17

    This is how low we have sunk as a country. Is there no honour among thieves anymore?

    Thieves never, ever stole from each other in my day.

    Whoever you are, return the umbrella and restore some honour to your noble profession.


    • 52
      Forkbender says:

      Do you think it was taken by the secret service to check it was not one of those unbrellas that fire tiny platinum poison pellets or had a secret microphone and camera built in it.


  16. 19
    Raining Monarch says:

    What a para-rsehole.


  17. 20
    Lord Leveson says:

    I believe a full public enquiry should be opened, lasting months and costing millions, to discover exactly who was a party to the missing umbrella cover up.


  18. 21
    impending prolapse says:

    You sure you want it back?


  19. 23
    Pub Landlord says:

    Oi Dave, you left it here with your daughter!


  20. 24
    annette curton says:

    Good job it wasn’t a black gents umbrella, nuther public enquiry.


  21. 25
    Dave says:

    Umbrella retrieval under this government is a shambles.


    • 55
      erm... says:

      ominshambles, ha, if they can’t find a brollie, what hope is there for the rest of us. think this statement goes too far. but what the heck. ha.


  22. 26
    Ant and Bee says:

    It’s half-way round the world by now. We had a devil of a job.


  23. 27
    annette curton says:

    What’s the big deal, you can claim for as many umbrellas as you like on expenses, the trauma of losing and old friend must weigh heavy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ObVG9o2xWI


  24. 30
    Westminster - Bent As A Nine Bob Note says:

    Whatever happened to that old maxim ” tough on the causes of crime”

    Oh, of course, politicians are the criminals, albeit trying very hard at the moment to deflect onto either media moguls or bankers.


  25. 31
    BBC Newsnight says:

    @Allegro Stratton will be covering this on tonight’s programme.

    Our in-depth analysis will ask Teresa May if she intends to resign following this apparent theft. @Owen Jones (#shouty) will be examining the class issues that emerge from the use of brollies. Security expert, @Ken Livingstone will be showing how it is possible for umbrellas to fit into a sandwich box.


  26. 33
    John Lyon CB says:

    Don’t even think about rattling my cage, i’m asleep as usual. (while the salary keeps rolling into my bank account)


  27. 34
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    This wouldn’t be one of those Cold War-era Bulgarian-type umbrellas, would it? Hence Number Ten getting involved?



  28. 35
    Georgi Markov says:

    Umbrellas are lethal.


  29. 37
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    TRHat would be Louise ‘Fatgirl’ Casey I think.


  30. 38

    Seen elsewhere.

    Members notice board
    House of Commons.


    One gents black umbrella with silver grip handle.
    Slightly used.

    Any reasonable offer accepted.
    Contact Keith Vaz.


    • 39
      Cato Street Conspirator says:



      • 43
        Blue Labor Central Office says:

        offer for what the Umbrella or That Slim Bag Vaz……..

        Please clarify ……………..

        btw although Slimy Vaz can effortlessly slide across floors

        he still cannot Walk on Water like is idol St.Tony Bliar

        Wonder Why……


        • 48
          Anon News Spokesperson says:

          New Met Police Commander for Downing Street Security demanded as a person by name of K. VAZ was able to easily slip under the very tight cordon around area & then into No.10 before leaving by the back door, its not known if anything was taken.

          G*S would not comment on rumours they will be taking over Downing St security after the Olympics


  31. 40
    No.10 red faced spokesperson says:

    Will the person who’s just borrowed ‘you know who’s’ personal PAYG mobile please kindly return it asap there are urgent CN texts messages awaiting reply….



  32. 41
    Anonymous says:

    It’s called ‘practical socialism’ (see P.G. Wodehouse ‘Leave it to Psmith’ – arguably the best book ever written).


  33. 42
    I love the FT says:

    So who left pissed with an umbrella?


    • 44
      Tony B Liar says:

      It weren’t me I was on the beach, I think, well it was sandy wher i was but it was along way to the sea


  34. 46

    P S While your at it could you please return the millions of pounds of taxpayers money you have all been stealing for years ?
    You thieving fuckers !


    • 54
      Forkbender says:

      Don’t be silly Frankie, you should know it’s their right to do so, because they are worth it (in their own opinion)


    • 59
      G BROWN our once and future PM says:

      Its just been invested in useless aircraft carriers in my constituency


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