July 18th, 2012

SpAd-flation Breaks Coalition Agreement

The Coalition Agreement is frequently referred to as the government’s “sacred text”, if that is the case it is guilty of sacrilegious behaviour with Special Advisers. The document promised “We will put a limit on the number on Special Advisers”, the last government had 80 SpAds, yet according to figures released yesterday this government now has 81 up from 69 in the last 2 years since the election. The wage bill has risen some 30% as well…


  1. 1
    Ah! Monika says:

    The limit is 1000

  2. 2
    Danny Alexander Excuse BS expert says:

    ‘We will put a limit on the number on Special Advisers’

    And we have. Did we say what the upper limit was?

  3. 3
    UKIP.i.am says:

    And who is paying for them all? OMG, it’s us again isn’t it? Surely they should be paid for out of political party funds.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    The liblabcons are all in it together.

  5. 5
    Hugh Janus says:

    This should come as no surprise. When we are infested with politicians who are as inept as this lot, a small army of ‘advisors’ is essential.

    Problem is – the advisors are also useless.

  6. 6
    SP4BS says:

    “sacred text”

    Does that mean its laughable nonsense that you feel free to ignore whenever it suits you?

  7. 7

    If they have that many spads, they can dig their own graves with them…

  8. 8
    Liam Byrne says:

    Do they think we’re made of money ffs?

  9. 9
    smoggie says:

    Send the buggers back !

  10. 10

    FT shares index

    – G4S – down – 49%
    – Rangers FC – – 100%
    – Spad-U-Like + 16%
    – GMG – 12%

  11. 11
    Fuck Camertwat, The 'Co-Alias-ition', the €USSR and all it's works says:

    There! that feels better!

  12. 12
    Joss Taskin says:

    ‘The Good, The Spad & The Ugly’ ?

  13. 13
    Steve Miliband says:

    Israel spends about the same as the UK on Defence. They have 653 civil servants in their defence department. The UK has………23,000

  14. 14
    Gordon Brown says:

    At least I save the cost of SpUd’s as I never took advice from anybody.

  15. 15
    UKIP.i.am says:

    ‘The Thick Of It’ was only the thin end of the wedge.

  16. 16
    Fuck Camertwat, The 'Co-Alias-ition', the €USSR and all it's works also says:

    NOT FORFETTING B£iar and all the Narzi Socialist-BBC-Grouniad axis

  17. 17
    Spadacus says:

    Made of money, well yes

  18. 18
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Is anyone surprised?

    Taxes are up.

    Imm_igration is up.

    Payments to the EU are up.

    DFID funding up.

    Borrowing up.

    Money printing up.

    A few more bag carriers? Its just a piss in the ocean compared to what this sack of shit Coalition is monumentally wasting every single day.

    Cameron out. Clegg out.

    A real Tory in.

  19. 19
    I love the FT says:

    If Ministers are so incompetent they cannot cope with out all these – and just look at the list in No 10 – why are we expected to elect them?

  20. 20
    The 23,000 UK Civil Servants in the Defence Dept says:

    Yeah, – but we’re so fucking useless and desk bound we need that number! – innit?

  21. 21
    Spartacus says:

    We could make up a name for them – something like ‘Pilgrimms’ eh?

  22. 22
    SPAD says:

    I say Minister, if you let me borrow your watch I will tell you the time

  23. 23
    UKIP.i.am says:

    The same limit as how many unwanted immigrants they are allowing into the country.

  24. 24
    Suggestion Box says:

    ? Uesless Wankers ?

  25. 25
    Stop messin abart says:

    I believe in calling a SpAd a SpAd.

  26. 26
    Raving Loon says:

    Vote UKIP then, there are no “real” Tories.

  27. 27
    Spartacus says:

    Yes but there are 21,000 americans in the sraeli defence department paid for by the americans and not counted in the numbers

  28. 28
    UKIP.i.am says:

    Spad-U-like. Not!

  29. 29
    Suggestion Box says:

    + 1k !

  30. 30
    Minister says:

    I’ve got it written down on this piece of paper wot Eccles gave me! – or was it BlueBottle?

  31. 31
    Forkbender says:

    Is it a case of do as we say not what we do, or are they trying to find “talent” in the spads or find jobbies for their favourites

  32. 32
    The Coalition says:

    Er, we lied.

  33. 33

    Rangers FC – – 100%

    Gordon could have done much better than that.

  34. 34
    EdMiliband says:

    Thankth Thandra

  35. 35
    Lord Stansted says:

    I like the one on the left though. She looks a “goer”.

  36. 36
    Hugh Janus says:

    Jim Hacker made do with one. Just look at the havoc 80 of them can cause.

  37. 37
    Nullbymouth says:

    Maybe because the government are nothing but a load of toffy nosed ex PR and PPE debating school wankers, who have never done anything proper in their pathetic omni shambles of a life. So they maybe realised this and went out recruiting talent… but they don’t they go and recruit more of the fucking same (+ some fresh ass for some Ministers) PPE debating rabble (i.e. Chums). Labia were no better of course, just look at the ‘I got an award for debating’ hoon and professional politician Millibland.

    Clegg alone has £600k of SpAd’s and that does not include the 4 who do not have a salary listed. Why the fuck does he need people to tell him when he needs to go for a fag?

    We need to take this country back from this lower form of life.

  38. 38
    SP4BS says:

    I suspect that country is unusual.

    I guess all the people with desk jobs they have, are people who did military service and are handy with a gun.

  39. 39
    SPAD says:

    Minister the paper is seriously out of date, here look and compare with the time on your PC. We need to create a system to allow automatic synchronisation between your paper and an internet time server so that you are always up to date.

    I have some chums at a big software company that I can ask to come in for a chat if you like? Should only cost a couple of billion

  40. 40
    Forkbender says:

    They don’t do that, it would be unfair, and a very big drain on party funds

  41. 41
    tube_thumper says:

    wow this such an exciting scoop.

    Must be a job for Media Guido or neo Guido or just plain old fat guido

  42. 42
    Danny Alexander Excuse BS expert says:

    Replying to that level of question is below my pay grade

  43. 43
    Ah! Monika says:

    Can’t remember my minus sign! ( & you don’t need HTML )

  44. 44
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Only 23,000 ? ! Thee cuts are just too far, too fast.

  45. 45
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Why are they allowed to earn more than the thick fuckers the spad for ?
    is it because they actually know what they are talking about ?

  46. 46
    Forkbender says:

    Is that, thick, meaning rather dense

  47. 47
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    It’th a thyamblth.

  48. 48
    Nullbymouth says:

    You are a SpAd and I claim my 5 free opinions

  49. 49

    Unless it’s a choc ice?

  50. 50
    The Taxpayer says:

    Its holding the lying scum who are forming our current government to account. Nothing wrong with that.

  51. 51
    The Taxpayer says:

    Its because the scum they work for get ‘paid’ in other ways than just through salaries. How do you think so many ministers end up as multi-property owning millionaires if they do not start out as such?

  52. 52
    albacore says:

    Never mind, Dave’s got his eye on the ball
    There’s better places for the axe to fall
    We don’t need forensic records no more
    Instead he’ll abolish crime, that’s for sure


  53. 53
    Aunty Matter says:

    BBC seem very quiet on their own tax dodgers don’t they?

  54. 54

    Also stands for “Signal Passed At Danger” – irony, where is thy sting?!

  55. 55

    These week’s Private Eye is for you then.
    They refer to our host as “salad dodging “

  56. 56
    Minister (impressed) says:

    Wow !

    And will it go ‘Ping’ ? – and be delayed by 9 years ? and cost double or treble what the original estimates were? – and will it be utter and useless fucking crap when it’s done if ever it is done? And will there be a lorra lorra ‘Consultants’ ? – like all the things that proper Govt. computer systems do?

  57. 57
    The BBC are cunts says:

    Move along ! Move along !

  58. 58
    Dave from Witney says:

    One has to look after one’s chums

  59. 59
    Suggetions Xob says:

    Bugger i’ve been rumbled!

  60. 60
    UKIP.i.am says:

    Bad news for Liebor

    “The number of Britons out of work fell by 65,000 to 2.58 million in the three months to May, according to the Office for National Statistics.

    The unemployment rate fell to 8.1% in the period, down from 8.3% in the previous quarter”.

  61. 61

    You ARE Peter Kropotkin, and I claim my 5 non aligned, non governmental negotiable exchange units!

  62. 62
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Glad to see you’ve exposed the Coalition’s disingenuousness there, Guido.

    Time we called a Spad a Spad.

  63. 63

    Too busy dealing with the Olympic Torch route story.
    Its just as exciting on day 79 as it was on day 1, isn’t it?

  64. 64
    sURELY give the nature of that organ ? says:


  65. 65
    Tony Blair says:

    Did someone call?

  66. 66
    SPAD says:

    Yes Minister it’s very exciting, I have a semi on just thinking about what this will do.

    Just sign here and I’ll take care of the rest, and you can get back to popping codeine and scotch.

  67. 67
    UKIP.i.am says:

    Shove that up your misery index.

  68. 68
    Prezza says:

    I put that krorididoor on the M4 in y’kno! Good innit?

  69. 69
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Unemployment will be non-existent when we’re back in government. We’ll just hire 2.5 million SpAds and send the bills to Lord Ashcroft.

  70. 70
    Ed Moribund says:


  71. 71
    UKIP.i.am says:

    How many of them are Spads and G4S recruits?

  72. 72
    The BBC says:

    The tax-dodger detector van was fixed by a dodgy accountant and is experiencing a few technical difficulties but will be back on the road just soon as the guy from Rogue Traders gets out of prison. In the meantime, here is a documentary about the glorious victory of Ed Miliband in 2015.

  73. 73
    erm... says:

    at the time of creation, the Liberals were very serious about their sacredness. The Tories….well, erm….just wanted the blondes.
    power sells.

  74. 74
    Chris Hoon says:

    Coo -ee !!

  75. 75
    Nullbymouth says:

    The 65,000 were all employed as SpAd’s, its the new public sector

  76. 76
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    This is a good day to bury SpAd news.

  77. 77
    Criminalise People Service says:

    If you tweet that it will mean a visit to a judge, me lad.
    And stay away from all references to chocolate coated snacks and ice creams

  78. 78
    Hey Plin old mate says:

    If you mean the currency of the €USSR then pray stuff it up your flux pipe and give it a good STIG PIG or TIG.

    Now if you mean coke or gold – I’m your man!

  79. 79
    No tool like an old tool says:

    Some ministers enjoy putting their big throbbing todgers up their spads’ bottoms.

    That’s surely a good use of our money?

  80. 80
    m'Lord Legover of N-eFloosy says:

    Those were the days!

  81. 81
    Nullbymouth says:

    SpAd = Spunk pad

  82. 82
    Loungelizard says:

    Who exactly is ‘we’?

  83. 83

    What do you expect in a recession Sandra? Borrowing goes down while we cut money paid to those who actually need it? Oh yes, lets just label them all as shirkers, that way we de-humanise them and make it all there own fault, ‘cos they won’t do anything to help themselves.

    Yes, this lot are doing a lot wrong – tell India to fund it’s own fucking space race. Give the funding of pilgrims a lethal injection immediately. Tell Europe that we are holding a referendum on in/ out, and watch Merkel and the French “Dutch cap” have kittens.

    But with all of the problems left to them to solve by the outgoing inmates of the lunatic asylum, and nothing to fund the changes with, they are making a better fist of it than Wing Commander Farage does with his landings and attempts to get a single MP into the HoC.

    Anybody with a decent education and some political nouse can stand on the touchline being a loud and obnoxious Ron Manager, knowing full well he’ll never have to put it into practice and be responsible for the efficacy of his policies. He speaks well, and has some valid points – so what.

  84. 84

    Did do some good actually John.
    In the days when I used to travel the M4 and came across your personal zil lane it reminded me, as i sat in unmoving, bottle necked traffic purely of your making, to never, ever, ever vote labour ever.

    Even if the only alternative was Nick Clegg. Or Jenny Jones. Or George Galloway.
    Never vote labour because they would rather leave a decade long traffic jam for millions upon millions than admit to a mistake.

  85. 85
    SP4BS says:

    Most unfair. I bet if you chucked one at him/them they’d not be able to get out the way at all.

  86. 86
    Nullbymouth says:

    Good point.

    Vote UKIP

  87. 87
    The BBC says:

    Don’t worry I’m sure we can find a negative angle for this story – unemployment is still high for the under 16’s, as low newspaper sales mean a lack of jobs for paper-boys, why isn’t the govermnet doing something about that rant gibber froth.

  88. 88
    scumbags on the teat says:

    You are also paying for the SPADs who work at Stormont for Sinn Fein. Mostly, being an IRA terrorist/convicted murderer, is the qualification you need for that appointment.

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    ** applause **

  90. 90
    The Wisdom of One-Term Dave says:

    “I will reduce the numbers of spads” = “I will increase the numbers of spads”

    “I will reduce immigration” = “I will increase immigration to record levels.”

    “I will reduce the government’s debt” = “I will increase it by 40%”

    “I will cut out all unnecessary government spending” = “I will increase our EU contributions by 75%, I will increase our foreign aid (to countries that don’t need it) to £11billion p./a, I will borrow £32billion and buy the HS2 railway that we don’t want or need.”

    “The motorist must not be fleeced” = “I will fine you £130 for driving in an ‘Olympic Lane’ (on roads that you’ve paid for).”

    “We do not need a government snoopers’ system and it won’t work anyway” = “I will borrow £1.8billion to fund a government snoopers’ system, even though it won’t work anyway.”

    “I will sack 20,000 troops, because there are no foreseeable circumstances where we will need them” = “I am a complete mong.”

  91. 91

    For someone who espouses many of the same ideals as a famous anarchist, I thought you would have got the in joke.

    I guess I bombed.

    ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ I’d like to buy the world a Coke,
    ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ but it can buy it’s fucking own! ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

    ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪GOLD! Always believe in your (r) soul! ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

  92. 92
    Prezza says:

    Ooohh thanks Bill, – that means a lot ter me y’kno – an’ me wiv no ‘A’ Levorls!!

  93. 93
    Nullbymouth says:

    So while Parliament is broken! for the next 8 weeks, what are these SpAd’s doing with their time, and are they salaried during this time?

    If yes then maybe we should get G4S to appoint the SpAd’s as …..

    1. They will only get paid for work when they have to be
    2. G4S will not be able to deliver the proper number of SpAd’s
    3. The cost of the uniform – a £99 Matalan suit will be taken out of their salary
    4. Only 1/3 will turn up anyway


  94. 94

    Go on kick the fucking ball! Anyone can do it, it’s easy!! Just do as I say! Oh shit you did, and THAT went tits up as well. Bugger.

    Right, well, I’m off home now.

    I’m not a REAL welder you know. Just another opinionated mong with no workable solution in the real world of taking responsibility for your actions, just a shouty un funny opinion on how everyone else is wrong and I’m right.

  95. 95
    Tony Bliar (ethical foreign policies and illegal wars a speciality) says:

    Terrorist/convicted murderer eh? I don’t quite meet the criteria (no convictions, yet!), but may I apply anyway?

  96. 96

    Because private is always better than public.

  97. 97
    Volunteer SpAd (cost to taxpayer: £0.00) says:

    My advice to Dave – take a long walk on a short pier.

  98. 98
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Dont thank me, thank David Cameron.

  99. 99
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Camerloon cheerleaders are sooooo hissy these days.

  100. 100
    The ConDemLiebore Party says:

    The purpose of the zil lane is to force you to sit, motionless, burning fuel (=paying additional fuel duty, to Hell with the CO2) and while you sit there you are reminded that WE govern you. You are ours to control. Your lives belong to us. You cannot resist. WE are the State. WE are all powerful. You have no say. You will obey.

  101. 101

    Thankth, Nil – I can’t wait to be PM, and you thplitting the vote can only help it to happen thooner, ‘coth UKRAP haven’t got a fucking hope!

    Mithter Blinky – while your handth up there, could you thcratch behind my eyeth, ‘coth by bwain ith itching.

  102. 102
    Dear Mong, pay attention: says:

    “Just another opinionated mong with no workable solution”

    No workable solution? I live in a Tory marginal. My local faux-Tory MP is clinging on by about 1,000 votes. My vote’s very important to Call Me Dave.

    But UKIP are getting it, not the PR-Spiv.

    That’s my solution. Get rid of the Cons, the Cons get rid of Dave – and they learn a very very important lesson: don’t have a PR-Spiv mong as leader.

  103. 103
    Dear mong, shut up and pay attention. says:

    “Just another opinionated mong with no workable solution”

    No workable solution? I live in a Tory marginal. My pitiful local faux-Tory MP is clinging on by about 1,000 votes. My vote’s very important to Call Me Dave.

    But UKIP are getting it, not the PR-Spiv.

    That’s my solution. Get rid of the Cons, the Cons get rid of Dave – and they learn a very very important lesson: don’t have a PR-Spiv mong as leader.

  104. 104
    Manfred, Freiherr von Richthofen says:

    At least these SPADs were good for something– I had my hands full dealing with them:

  105. 105

    It tends to get that way, when all of your neighbours are trying to wipe you off the face of the earth – tends to concentrate the mind wonderfully, I’m told.

  106. 106
    Nullbymouth says:

    Splitting the vote???

    Tory – Vote UKIP

    Labour – Vote Respect, B&P, Lib (ha) …

  107. 107

    As usual – two brain cells working a three shift system. It’s called cognitive dissonance – knowing that what you say and what will happen are two different things. Like the laughable and childish belief that UKRAP are anything other than the political chancers and professional politicians/ lying sacks of shit like all the rest.

    How’s that whole “Jersey education trust working” out for you all?

    Has Crash Bandicoot paid back the EU MEP expenses he “missused” yet?

  108. 108

    How many UKRAP MP’s in the HoC, Sandra love? Their contributiuon, other than sideline shouty stuff from outside is……. ? Credible alternative – yeah and so is Eric Cartman.

    Sooooooo oversensitive, these UKRAP-ers

    New balls please.

  109. 109

    Lithen to Mithter Nul thingy everyone!!!!!

    Crash Bandicoot for PM!!

    (Mithter Bliky thays I can even have a new offith chair in the thtore cupboard when I’m PM!!!)

  110. 110
    reluctant taxpayer says:

    You forgot Big Mac (I’m loving it)

  111. 111
    reluctant taxpayer says:

    Didn’t the LIbs used to simply stand on the sidelines (for the past 100 years or so) and shout crap?

    Now, look how far that got them!!

  112. 112
    Neddie says:

    Blimey! Is it 8 o’clock already?

  113. 113
    Screwed Taxpayer says:

    Yet another expenditure control failure by Dave — the useless wxxker

  114. 114
  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    The bigger outrage is that in addition to this growing list of SpAds, Cameron also has a range of CCHQ hangers-on employed as civil servants. These unofficial SpAds have big salaries and sit in the No.10 Policy Unit but go unreported – e.g. Kris Murrin (Director), Paul Kirby (Director), Michael Lynas (Deputy Director), formerly Emma Kenney (Analyst). The gravy train doesn’t end there; Cameron’s old school mate – and former Barclays Capital employee – Tim Luke is employed as Deputy Director. If this isn’t enough there are a few more examples around Whitehall, e.g. pretty much the whole of IDS’s think tank (Centre for Social Justice) were shipped into the DWP.

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