July 15th, 2012

5 Year-Old Vintage Hennessy

The Sunday Telegraph’s Patrick Hennessy has gone big today on his mate Damian McBride’s confirmation two weeks ago of the truth of a Guido story about a secret email system dating back from 2007.

Hennessy’s rival John Rentoul over at the Sunday Indy mocks the vintage of the story:

Truth will out. Eventually.


  1. 1
    Exsqueeze me says:

    ha ha !!!!

    Meanwhile can Labour ask this GS4 director about the shambles going on? http://t.co/FNGTkYzc

    He shouldnt be to hard to get hold of!

  2. 2
    Toilet brush! says:

  3. 3
    Revd. Phoney (£rd Fucking Way) B£iar, sanctimonious git and £iar, emoting and wiv stupid grin says:

    Every penny spent on shredders and destroying servers and hard disks was worf it! Wasn’t it Cherry dearest!!??

  4. 4
    Has Been says:

    My limp is dick, my eyes are dim
    B£iar and Brhoon are in the Bin
    (please G*d ) !!!!

  5. 5
    ChocEyes says:

    Rio Ferdinand is Raaaacist!


    Prosecute him, innit!

  6. 6
    concrete pump says:


  7. 7
    Blowing Whistles says:

    And didn’t Magoo spend several years over at the gruniad as its Pilgrim brother front man reporter ‘spinning things up of course.

    Links AEEU / Soho offices / K Jackson / M Dugher / union vote rigging / D Simpson / Roger the current bun eater Lyons etc The ‘Brothers in arms’.

  8. 8
    Question? says:

    Is it me or do some on the left want a terrorist attack during the Olympics?

  9. 9
    erm... says:

    it’s a 2 week old story.
    is the telegraph fit for purpose….and what about all the rest. If McBride the source then who is McHusband.


  10. 10
    erm... says:

    if McBribe is the source then who is McMaster…

  11. 11
    some on the left says:

    It’s our right to protest!

  12. 12
    Aunty Matter says:

    The left don’t see them as terrorist attacks, they see them are ‘expressions of freedom’

  13. 13
    erm... says:

    this country is forgiving….see Andy Murray. Problem with Bliar is that we won’t believe it if in the unlikely event he expresses genuine remorse. so….it’s goodbye, goodluck and goodriddance.

  14. 14
    Sir Moishe O'Donnell says:

    Oy Vey !

    What a mess !

  15. 15
  16. 16
    erm... says:

    protest is your religion. loyalty is this country’s…which McBliar forgot.

  17. 17
    m’Lard PrizeClot, NooLieBore Demo, Scoff, TV Star, - just ending his 2nd afternoon snack says:

    cor blimy guv! These stoopd toffs aynt got nuffin on nobode!! An me gotaway wiv no gravy on me shirt – if yer see wotoymeen!!! Hahahahaha!

  18. 18
    The irony says:

    The inside of a choc ice is white, like Ferdinand’s mum.

  19. 19
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nothing will distract me from my primary interest in young schoolchildren!

  20. 20
    Ah! Monika says:

    Tut tut spelling

  21. 21
    Oscar says:

    The answer to your question can be found in Vas’ reply to Mays’ statement on the G4S problem this week. To stumble once over wishing for a safe games……….

    A cynic might say that Vas was looking foward to picking over the bones for personal and party advantage, good job I’m not admitting to being cynical.

  22. 22
  23. 23
    Ah! Monika says:

    The European Court of Justice (ECJ) needs more judges to cope with a backlog of cases, the government said in the House of Commons on 12 July 2012.

    Applicants should apply in crayon to G4S. Anyone over 5 should not apply as we expect it will take 60 years to process your application.

  24. 24
    Dick Tionary says:

    No!1 G4S doesn’t mean Gold 4 Shit.

  25. 25
    Lay Bare says:

    This week we saw Gordon Brown appointed a UN envoy on global education, so he can do to other countries’ education systems what he did to Britain’s economy, and Tony Blair return to the fold as an adviser to Ed Miliband.

    Labour: the comedy gift that keeps on giving.

  26. 26
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m Batman

  27. 27
    Janet Streetwise Porter says:

    Odd that it’s taken five years for the Telegraph to bring it out when for much of that time the political editor of the Daily Telegraph and very good chum of Mr McBride was aware of that same fact but chose not to use it as a story before leaving for the pastures of PR

  28. 28
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    I never knew McPoison. Don’t impugn my integrity.

  29. 29
    Pumpy rumpy says:

    When will we get the full story about Gordon Brown’s nocturnal adventures on Wimbledon Common in the early 80s, which has been alluded to here in past comments?

  30. 30
    Paddy Hennessy says:

    I’ll write whatever stories I feel like writing about whenever I feel like writing about them, Rent-boy. You don’t rush Hennessy; some things are meant to be savoured for awhile! Did I at any time imply this was “breaking news” rather than just a discussion? Maybe I was holding off till I might be able to get a quote or two– did you think of that?

    It’s not like this information wasn’t known– Damian the Leper figured, just like with those closeted gays who eventually come out long after they are outed, by the time he admitted anything most people’s reaction would be, “Oh, THAT piece of stale news? Now tell me something I DON’T know!” So McBride wrote about it two weeks ago, and Queen Anne is still dead; he waited five years, so two more weeks on my part wasn’t going to make much of a difference. Now go home and get your freakin’ shine box!

  31. 31
    Mark Oaten says:

    Did someone say smear?

  32. 32
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Looks rather like a shambles, doesn’t it ?

  33. 33
    Ah! Monika says:

    We line and learn. Another word for my vocab.

  34. 34
    Johann Hari says:

    I’m writing an article about my experience last month travelling through Afghanistan and how I came close to being killed on numerous occasions, and how it was only thanks to my fluent arabic that I saved myself from certain death.

  35. 35
    Ah! Monika says:

    live even

  36. 36
  37. 37
    Brown Out and pay me damages says:

    Brown’s arsewipe McBride!

  38. 38
    Ah! Monika says:

    Pass the port please. Easier on the liver.

  39. 39
    UKIP UNITED !! says:

    Giving & Giving & Giving…………

    All of them ConsLieLaborLibDems all in the same long running pact called
    The Blood Brothers Alliance who’s only COMMON interest is POWER,CONTROL & MONEY, loads & loads of it……by any means possible

    VOTE UKIP & to remove this Mendacious Cancerous Alliance forever……..

  40. 40
    A stinking, uninspiring, time wasting, old socialist bag on the BBC says:

    Desperate hoons.

  41. 41
    Donald Duck says:

    Don’t believe everything you read on here. It’s not the Guardian

  42. 42
    erm... says:

    McDripDrip….or McDrowninit…the greasy one…. He has oil on his hands.

  43. 43
    Philip Hammond MP says:

    Soldiers know when they join up that we politicians will treat them like shit and cannon fodder, we always have done and we always will do.

    Soldiers don’t expect nor do they deserve a bonus, unlike we politicians and our rich friends in the banks who are the bravest of the brave.

    Do you know how much bravery is required to dine on a nice wine and roast in the Common bar? Soldiers have it easy, so what if their body armour is rubbish or their bullets don’t fire? That’s what you get when you join the army.

    So cheer up chaps, you won’t be charged for your two week stint in those tents, stop whining and do your job, I’m off to the opening ceremony in my Zil like a good Tory boy.

  44. 44
    Aunty Matter says:

    You mean like the press lobby pack didn’t know about it either? I just wonder how many ‘leaks’ came from that computer.

  45. 45
    Ron D ex-Welsh Member of HoC says:

    Yes I was the real fall guy who voluntary confessed, after threats of renditioning, to improper behaviour on Clapham Common, as the story was about to break of the nocturnal outings on Wimbledon Common of Gordie Boy…….That way the story was spiked as the general public just would not believe we were all Daisy Chainers together continually looking for a very large Golden Rivet…

    Now would they………

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    concrete pump, the Dean Gaffney of order_order.com

  47. 47
    ZanuLieLabor Elite Spokesperson says:

    I fully support every word of this very accurate posting, we have the same standards & always will…..

  48. 48
    LibDems Toilet Cleaner Elite Spokesperson says:

    I also full endorse every word in the previous postings,

    We are all in this Coalition

    so all of ours Lies are all in Coalition

    all of our Misrepresentation is all in Coalition

    all of our Manipulation is all in Coalition

    all of our Media Control (BBC,Channel 4 + Guardian,Mirror & Indie) all
    sing from the same Hymn sheet all in Coalition

    all of our giving away Tax Payers Money is all in Coalition

    all of our Overseas Chucking away Tax Payers Money is all in Coalition

    And rest assured we will continue in this slip slop shambles all in Coalition

    Because thats really what the British People electorate need,

    One Up the Bum, Often & very Frequently but all in Coalition

  49. 49
    Harridan Harmanhater says:

    It’s an omni-shambles. Everything was perfect during The Reign of Terror 1997 – 2010.

  50. 50
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Try Pashto; that’s what they sp*e*ak in Afghanistan. Porkies have to have a modicum of believability, after all, or nobody will ever believe you.

    Oh– hold on a sec…Johann Hari, right? Believability? Where did my mind go for that fleeting second?

  51. 51
    Chalky Lowlands says:

    Marbles is a fully rigged ocean going Hunt. I’d pay good money to see Wendy Deng kick the living shit out of him 24-7 for the next 100 years.

  52. 52
    Montgomery Cheddar says:

    Oh do fuck off, you tedious twat

  53. 53
    Montgomery Cheddar says:

    John Rent-Tool.

  54. 54
    I go off on a bender says:

    Why the fuck would anyone buy The Star on Sunday, let alone read it?

  55. 55
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:


  56. 56
    Huntwatch says:

    Culture secretary Jeremy Hunt is wheeled out on the Marr Show to defend the government (things must be really bad, where is Theresa May? This is her department. Why should we take the word of Jeremy hunt anyway, he is a proven liar and has already been seen to mislead parliament several times over his assignations with the Murdochs and News International! This is a government of liars, misleaders and they get worse daily as they stumble from one crisis to the next.

  57. 57
    BBC Newsroom lefties says:

    1997-2010? The Tories were in power, how many times do we have to tell you?

  58. 58
    BBC Newsroom lefties says:

    Politicians tell lies? What next someone will be telling us they also fiddle their expenses.

  59. 59
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    Tut tut. One man’s terrorist is…. you know the rest.

  60. 60
    john in cheshire says:

    I happen to be going to the olympics with my nephew. If there is any trouble, that affects the safety of him, I swear I will be coming after someone in government.

  61. 61
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    Is it better to buy it on Monday?

  62. 62
  63. 63
    Wot happens if I knocks out ALL my teeth , Daddy ? says:

    Fuck nose. I always found Hennessy too dry for my taste.

    I know Anthony Blair reads this blog. This one’s for you, darling:

  64. 64
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    It’s a shambles.

  65. 65
    quick sniper says:

    I’ll get a round in.

  66. 66
    A ninety nine says:

    Using the term “choc ice” to describe someone who is deemed to be “black” on the outside but “white” on the inside is by definition a discriminatory term. It supposes that there is a clear difference between being black or white other than merely the colour of someones skin. So my question to those who band this term about is what issues are distinctly black about a person as opposed a white person and are they saying that the colour of a persons skin does make a difference on a host of issues. If so what ?

  67. 67
    Forkbender says:

    So who is going to take out an injunction on Tone B’Liar then, if more evidence has come to light, McBride will certainly be no friend of B’Liar, come on you £100,000p.a. lads, money where mouth is. Unfortunately in government there is a person who claims to be the heir of B’Liar I wonder if he was trained in the same type of scams.

  68. 68
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Seeing as G O’D “now knows” lots of things which he did not know back then – isn’t it time he called in the Police / CPS to investigate several issues of fraud and criminality by many of his former ‘colleagues’.

    Even within ‘Tort law’ – when new evidence comes to light which one did not know of previously; then the person who has been fooled has one year to make good the wrongs of those who have done wrong. That is of course if one is not invertebrate.

  69. 69
    Diane Fatbott says:

  70. 70
    Forkbender says:

    I think that the East Enders would be happier if Chequers Cammerons Oxfordshire house also had a selection of rockets stuck on the roofs, just to show that we are in it together

  71. 71
    Sugar Daddy says:

    How’s your throat, E?

  72. 72
    Now that's what I call shite music says:

    Ot. Madonna’s music is tripe and her tactics are yawn.

  73. 73
    Forkbender says:

    Their are 2 ministers involved Thersa May and Jeremy HUNT which one would you chose then?

  74. 74
    Brown out and pay me damages says:

    Ferdinand is Nazi racist arsewipe.

  75. 75
    Forkbender says:

    Politicos are all the same when smear time comes around

  76. 76
    Jean Charles de menezies from beyond says:

    Could someone take him out like I was taken out – then it could all be whitewashed over?

  77. 77
    William Blake, not entirely helpfully, says:

    Mу mоthеr bоrе mе іn thе sоuthеrn wіld,
    Аnd І аm blасk, but О, mу sоul іs whіtе!
    Whіtе аs аn аngеl іs thе Еnglіsh сhіld,
    But І аm blасk, аs іf bеrеаνеd оf lіght.

    Mу mоthеr tаught mе undеrnеаth а trее,
    Аnd, sіttіng dоwn bеfоrе thе hеаt оf dау,
    Shе tооk mе оn hеr lар аnd kіssèd mе,
    Аnd, роіntіng tо thе Еаst, bеgаn tо sау:

    ‘Lооk аt thе rіsіng sun: thеrе Gоd dоеs lіνе,
    Аnd gіνеs Hіs lіght, аnd gіνеs Hіs hеаt аwау,
    Аnd flоwеrs аnd trееs аnd bеаsts аnd mеn rесеіνе
    Соmfоrt іn mоrnіng, јоу іn thе nооndау.

    ‘Аnd wе аrе рut оn еаrth а lіttlе sрасе,
    Τhаt wе mау lеаrn tо bеаr thе bеаms оf lоνе;
    Аnd thеsе blасk bоdіеs аnd thіs sunburnt fасе
    Аrе but а сlоud, аnd lіkе а shаdу grоνе.

    ‘Fоr whеn оur sоuls hаνе lеаrn’d thе hеаt tо bеаr,
    Τhе сlоud wіll νаnіsh; wе shаll hеаr Hіs νоісе,
    Sауіng, “Соmе оut frоm thе grоνе, mу lоνе аnd саrе,
    Аnd rоund mу gоldеn tеnt lіkе lаmbs rејоісе.”‘

    Τhus dіd mу mоthеr sау, аnd kіssèd mе,
    Аnd thus І sау tо lіttlе Еnglіsh bоу.
    Whеn І frоm blасk аnd hе frоm whіtе сlоud frее,
    Аnd rоund thе tеnt оf Gоd lіkе lаmbs wе јоу,

    І’ll shаdе hіm frоm thе hеаt tіll hе саn bеаr
    Τо lеаn іn јоу uроn оur Fаthеr’s knее;
    Аnd thеn І’ll stаnd аnd strоkе hіs sіlνеr hаіr,
    Аnd bе lіkе hіm, аnd hе wіll thеn lоνе mе.

  78. 78
    Rowenna Davis says:

    No…it’s an omni-shambles!

  79. 79
    UKIP.i.am says:

    I would blame the people who thought it a good idea to have the Olympics in a city that is rife with wannabe terrorists.

  80. 80
    UKIP.i.am says:

    It probably already has.

  81. 81
    Jog On Diane Flabbott says:

    A week of hypocrisy.

  82. 82
    Slippery Slope says:

    Too right.

  83. 83
    Brown Out and pay me damages says:

    How thick is Ferdinand? Coming out with a variation of the old coconut. Another hoon crying wolf while dishing it out.

  84. 84

    To the greatest world champion who ever lived and fought for us:

    Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee
    As for palaces, ah have forty three.
    JP Morgan pay me a bar
    For a speech paying a quarter mill, ah can fly far
    Expenses are extra, in claiming ah’m not lax
    In mah white robes ah’m jus like Jesus C
    Godfather to young Murdochs is so easy to be.
    An wid my LLP’s, ah don’t pay no tax.
    A middle east envoy mus stay on the phone
    Solving the Gaza problem, ah’m all on mah own
    Whilst appearing at the launch of Knightsbridge Armani
    Ah am the greatest in politics, Me.

    An ahm on mah way back…

  85. 85
    Lee Grasper says:

    Black people can’t be racist.

  86. 86
    Jesus Christ Superstar says:

    I’ll be back!

  87. 87
    first time reader says:

    E. Is it true that you’re an aggresive, predatory lesbian with more than a passing interest in BDSM?

  88. 88
    UKIP.i.am says:

    If Cole is a choc-ice, Abbot is a Yorkie bar.

  89. 89
    Lee Grasper says:

  90. 90
    Billy Vague says:

    Nowt to do with my chum Sebby, nowt to do with ‘im at all I say.

  91. 91
    Saint Slotgob says:

    Oh sweet Jesus glory hallelujah!

  92. 92
    UKIP.i.am says:

    He’s an Aero.

  93. 93
    Susy Wong says:

    Is it cos i is black!

  94. 94
    Genevieve says:

    Depends how you’re spelling ‘aggressive’, “first time reader”. Yep, it’s all true.

  95. 95
    Brown Out and pay me damages. says:

    Me izza Star Bar

  96. 96
    Anthony Blair says:

    Here’s MY favourite Four Seasons song, “Wot happens…”, and I dedicate it to you and all the Guido-blog readers:

  97. 97
    Gorgon Brown says:

    Me is a finger of fudge

  98. 98
    Kenneth Moron says:

    Your moniker gives me a wooden.

  99. 99
    Johnny Logic says:

    So Ferdiand is white.

  100. 100
    Brown's Bank says:

    Milky way

  101. 101
    CrapCleaner says:

    What was MoodBot’s problem with Sally Ho!’s comment?

  102. 102
    Expat Geordie says:

    I’d blame the people who let the wannabe terrorists in in the first bloody place.

  103. 103
    Kenneth Moron says:

    Your moniker gives me a woody.

  104. 104
    Johnny Logic says:

    The difference is, if one of those obsolete rapiert systems misfires at Chequers it will only hit a few trees. In the middle of the East End, it would kill many people. Same thing with the stupid RAF threats to shoot down anything they feel like in the next couple of months. Where is the debris going to land?

  105. 105
    Expat Geordie says:

    All that I can see is a vehicle with a key in the ignition. I don’t see any police markings. You can’t even see if it is actually a van. And you certainly can’t see if it is empty.

    It’s a bit like that photo of Clarkson “using a mobile at the wheel” whilst the car was stationary and he was sat in the passenger seat.

  106. 106
    Expat Geordie says:

    Well, young boys for sure. Young girls seem to be safe.

  107. 107
    Expat Geordie says:

    Well you’ve certainly been Robin.

  108. 108
    Expat Geordie says:

    Wimbledon Common as well. I heard that he’d buggered half the rent boys in Edinburgh.

  109. 109
    John Clare says:

    I always thought Blake had a screw loose

  110. 110
    David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

    You guys crack me up.

  111. 111
    Mrs Ferdinand says:

    Is it because he is white?

  112. 112
    Basil the Cat says:

    And how did the spacker manage that shot from his wheel chair?

  113. 113
    Basil the Cat says:

    And Cape Cod.

  114. 114
    erm... says:

    him is a fossil. don’t like him.

  115. 115
    Expat Geordie says:

    I thought that it was a Bounty Bar?

  116. 116
    Gordon Brown says:

    In my new role as UN Global Education Envoy (GEE! for short), I will be omni-present…errr…except in the HoC that is.

  117. 117
    Piss Marx says:

    There’s only me, Prime Minister. Thanks for your kind words, though. Did you receive your copy of The Star this morning?

  118. 118
    David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

    Alfred, my butler, deals with the day-to-day gubbins. You’ll have to ask him if he read it for me, I’m afraid :(

    *Pogos around the room*

  119. 119
    Ew*n*e Botha says:

    Is u on acid , darlin ??

    E x .

  120. 120
    Rio Ferdinand says:

    The milky bars are on me!

  121. 121
    erm... says:

    regardless of skin pigmentation …where one is born does make a difference.
    the dark continent does produce souls with evil in them …. idi amin……and also those whose spirits are white …say mandela.
    when one is in touch with the evil within…it does energise. it does show up in our humour and sexuality. can’t be helped…..the inner wiring. me thinks.
    but what can be helped is our will to evolve, grow….rather than denying oneself.

  122. 122
    Labour are to blame says:

    Or the one’s that passed the bloody Human Rights Act that our judges use to stop us deporting people who don’t like us in case they actually have to face some horrible questioning from a nasty man who attaches electrodes to their testicles

  123. 123
    Bullington Tory Toff Liar says:

    I having a great chill out weekend @ Chipping Norton with friends Andy & of course Rebecca who else plus plenty of chilled bubbly from the unlimited Chateau du taxpayer le peasants, very easy to frequently quaff on. Both Andy & Rebecca have been of great help with 2011 Census Results which are going to be released very soon but I give a Cast Iron Guarantee they have not been massaged in anyway so you will not see the population figure of 80 million plus anywhere. True there were some problems with the postal census forms but during one of daily chats with Tony he guided in the right direction on how to fix them as he has much greater experience than me. He’s worth every penny of the millions we pay through one of his BVI entities.

    Must get on plenty more Mendacity to do before bedtime, & tomorrow some chap called Nigel Farage is calling in @ No.10, don’t know what for, perhaps he’s after a job or something. Anyway I won’t be there having a sleep over @ Chequers need to get in right frame of mind for our fully deserved short 2 months summer holidays. So one of my minions will soon send this Nigel person on his way, the cheeky blighter, who does he think he is.

    But ok peasants just carry on slaving away & fully paying all of your dues to my Government while we devise many more ways to take even more off you with new Taxes. Need to find a few billions more, from somewhere for Gordon now he has a official UN roll. Looking at introducing a Rain Water Roof Tax something Angela suggest last time I was in Berlin, looks promising.

    Just think you peasants may even get a weeks holiday very soon which of course you will have to stay in UK as flying is for the Elite 1% only, quite right to as we have to take a responsibly hard line for Global Warming issues as propergated 24/7 by the BBC. I’m very relaxed at the excellent efforts by my friend Chris Patten since I installed him as Chairman, a great decision on my part even if I say so.

    Toodle sweet…….

  124. 124
    first time reader says:

    Ah, OK. I quite like BDSM but Mummy’s just cooked me some beans on toast.

  125. 125
    erm... says:

    v well put.
    except last line. now that blair has earned enough to feel emotionally secure in his marriage….he wants to move to the next stage of his life ….disappointing for him, he is too isolated for l’il britain and too big for Europe.
    sad……but when all doors close….there is always god. with all the best.

  126. 126
    Diane Abbott says:

    Many years ago I met Rio Ferdinand, it was very late in a London night club and he called me a black forest gateau! Apparently my 5 o’clock shadow was showing.

  127. 127
    Gun Cotton says:

    Nitric then Sulfuric

  128. 128
    Rizla Teeth says:

    Unemployment figures ain’t 15%, is they darlin?

  129. 129
    Rizla Teeth says:

    Woz u naked from the waist down then darlin?

  130. 130
    Michael who Loves very old Steam Trains says:

    Good Job he did’nt see your big fat Butt then !!

    He may have been very rude about that……

  131. 131
    Nestlé says:

    Quick use the black magic.

  132. 132

    Wot is u on , hun xx ??

    SC xx .



  133. 133
    Schrödinger's cuпt says:

    You know Guido fucking hates patois and yet you encourage the little ewbott fucker. Piss off shithead.

  134. 134
    Random Observer says:

    More Ponies!

  135. 135
    Bullington Tory Toff Liar says:

    No they are not at 15% which I am disappointed about, its my plan to get them to at least the same rate as VAT in the short term & then continue upwards from there.

    Hope that re-assures you that my intentions are very genuine…..

  136. 136
    Harridan Harmanhater says:

    I fervently hope expect that under this Tory-led Coalition Government the London Olympics will be an omni-shambles.

  137. 137

    Fuck off. It is none of your fucking business, knobhead.

    At least Ewаnmе speaks a lot more sense than your gobshite.

    I am not the only person to think that here either. :-P

  138. 138
    Rizla Teeth says:

    *Picks nose*

  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Rather boring post, can you do a funny one (this time ) about the 2 EDs, Hattie etc ?

  140. 140
    Bottom Expert says:

    Ewaname is feeling rather ill today. Please state your intentions after the beeps …..

  141. 141
    TOWIE says:

    You caused a riot when all the beauty parlours heard the Met were doing Brazilians for nothing.

  142. 142
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Johann – you are still “in contempt of the Court of Public Opinion”

    And it is further Ordered that:

    Unless and Until

    You Johann Hari do purge your contempt ‘publicly’ for still being in denial of your many wrong doings you shall remain to be laughed and derided at publicly – for all time.

    It is so Ordered by the Court of Public Opinion this day Sunday 15th July 2012.

  143. 143

    Er. Your phone is packed tightly with Semtex and is set to go off in five minutes. Too bad you are on answer service whilst you knock one out. Just phoned up to warn you but, hey, you can’t be expected to be lucky all the time…

    Sweet dreams.

  144. 144
    Anonymous says:

    A prolonged rear entry by Schrödinger’s cat does have that effect.

  145. 145

    Ha! It’s all a matter of timing, isn’t it? Do you ever wish that yours was better?

  146. 146
    annette curton says:

    The CPS have noted your comments and are getting a bit confused, their staff have now been ordered to turn up for work with duck taped across the audatory oracle.

  147. 147
    annette curton says:

    Orifice, orifice.

  148. 148
    citizen banned says:

    Hello? Is this an Indian call centre?

    Oh , OK. We just want to love her.

  149. 149
    Diane Fatbott says:

    No need to say that twice, say that twice …

  150. 150

    You can only ask a person to deliver within their capabilities.

  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    Hey Schrody, get your own fucking patois and cease the plagiarising, cuпt.

  152. 152
    RSPCA says:


  153. 153
    G says:

    At least I has a effect on people’s emotions *licks arm*

  154. 154
    Handycock says:

    I like Ponies nose’s

  155. 155
    H says:

    We gotta meet one time *smiles*

  156. 156
    Domestos says:

    If you have any evidence put it on the coffee table


  157. 157
    Z says:

    I warns ya: I does find politics a bit borin , babes x

  158. 158

    I can use many tongues.

  159. 159
    rada graduate says:


    If you call throwing up an emotion, you’re dead right.

  160. 160
    Hefferlite says:

    How’s your throat, E?

  161. 161
  162. 162
    Euwwwwww... says:

    Mind Bleach!

  163. 163
    Cakehole says:

    Which one?

  164. 164
    J says:

    MoodBot don’t like s*m*n then ?? As in jizz ??

  165. 165
    South African says:

    its blick..

    “is it coz I is blick” or thick in your case,,,

  166. 166
    erm... says:

    blair is blessed…he is protected. he has an excellent relationship with god …so he is materially very successful. His soul/heart is naff. No wonder he is as unhappy as they come.
    Intellectually he is lacking as he has not worked out his life purpose yet. He wants our love…but bigger than us as a nation is God. Go Mystic go tone….go into that world and aid us to enter THAT world.
    that is your USP on earth….your life purpose.
    stop wasting your time on us.#justathought

  167. 167
    F says:

    Never Fail

  168. 168
    K says:

    @ rada graduate says:

    U’r soo welcome *chuckles*

  169. 169
    Tony Bliar resplendant in his white robes says:

    I say *pause* I say that in my day *waves hands* there was no PC that was not not not not connected to the government network *smiles*. Damien and I are *pause* *big smile* great friends, and I am sure *smiles* *waves hands* Damien will recollect this fact once his recollection has been given to him intravenously *smiles*

  170. 170
    rada graduate says:

    *licks eyebrows*

    Licks arses more like.

  171. 171
  172. 172
    P says:

    @ rada graduate says: has a one-track mind

  173. 173
    Intern deputising for MIA Duty Pedant says:

    The norm would be to use Duck tape rather than an actual Duck or indeed any member of the Anatidae family.

  174. 174
    Anonymous says:

    This has suddenly grown alarmingly.

  175. 175
    Ewaname says:

    *looks at clock*

    9:09 ?? Why I so drunk . then ??

    P x .

  176. 176
    Nurse Botha says:

    Maybe you’re pregnant, dear.

  177. 177

    My bellend is throbbing for you E *winks*

  178. 178
    rada graduate says:


    Fuck off you cretinous arse.

  179. 179
    Bill Oddy says:

    I concur.

  180. 180
    Blowing Whistles says:

    What has the eminent Silent Bob or the Silent Lord Cullen Report have to say about this?

  181. 181

    Do you mind 9:12?

    I am female.

  182. 182
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    *backflips and assumes the position*

    Thanks for having me, dear :)

  183. 183

    Thanks for coming…

  184. 184
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The MOS alluded in a publication some years ago to a very, very close coming together of Blair and Brown. Neither of them sued the pants off or asked for an apology from the MOS – could that be because it was true?

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    Can someone explain what the relationship between Elsie Beattie and Nurse Botha is?

  186. 186
    Fletch says:

    Do us all a favour & Naff Off back right up Red Ed’s annal cavity from which

    you were recently defecated………

    That will bring plenty of smiles & applause from everyone who all detest the slimy

    sight of you for ever more


    Wishing you a terrible life in what ever time you have left available & we trust if

    there is any natural poetic justice in this world that won’t be of a long duration…..

  187. 187
    garden shed expert says:

    Distant cousins.

  188. 188
    XPS - Fast as flying shit says:

    Pen pals from opposite ends of the same keyboard.

  189. 189
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Aren’t Fat Cats – such vacant creatures – they just have a creepy vacant stare about them all the time?

  190. 190
    Plooker says:

    +1 Elsie’s flange is drier though.

  191. 191
    Lou Scannon says:

    The Telegraph was Jonah’d a long time ago.

  192. 192
    Tony Bliar resplendant with close protection squad says:

    Fletch *pause* may I call you Biatch *not listening for answer* *smiles sweetly* I hear what you say. Let us pray *pause* I say pray for your salvation *attempts to hold hands*. No? *pause* OK whatever you wish. Jimmy two shoes will take you to one side for a chat.

  193. 193
    Fowlers says:

    Let’s try and punctuate that again:

    Aren’t fat cats such vacant creatures? They just have a
    creepy vacant stare about them all the time.
  194. 194
    DDC says:

    Congratulations! Probably one of the worst attempts I’ve ever read – ever – as even a try at a critique. I have a retarded hamster, 190 years old, that puts together better prose than yours. You ever thought of a job with the BBC?

  195. 195
    My Other Van's A Comma says:

    *smiles at XPS”

  196. 196
    Irate Englishman says:

    Was the petrol price rigged too?


    Motorists may have been paying too much for their petrol because banks and other traders are likely to have tried to manipulate oil prices in the same way they rigged interest rates, an official report has warned.

  197. 197
    Elf & safety says:

    Hope you wore goggles.

  198. 198
    Cutie says:

    I’s soo ill, I even fucked that simple comment up.

  199. 199
    Irate Englishman says:

    Was the petrol price rigged too?


    “Motorists may have been paying too much for their petrol because banks and other traders are likely to have tried to manipulate oil prices in the same way they rigged interest rates, an official report has warned.”

  200. 200
    White Ace says:

    Who has got the white cider now?

  201. 201

    Perhaps I could k1ss you better , xx .

  202. 202
    Ew*n*e Bo*ha IS God says:

    *laughs while touching herself*

  203. 203
    jgm2 says:

    It ain’t the T*ry Party that is losing votes to the B&P and the … errr… ‘inclusive’ Respect Party.

  204. 204
    jgm2 says:

    Why not just call ‘em an ‘Uncle Tom’. It used to be the pejorative of choice for the culturally enriching types who didn’t like the idea of integration.

  205. 205
    jgm2 says:

    Just been reading about Lord Byron. Now there was a chap who lived life in the fast lane.

  206. 206
    while I mangles my guitar .... says:

    EBC is god.

  207. 207
    Saffron says:

    To 195.
    What do you mean,are you braindead?.
    Wakey wakey not only banksters are doing this,but every other profiteers in this land and across the globe are ripping the serfs off big time.
    I realise an official report has warned about this as you say,but you really need to delve a bit more and you will see for yourself what the agenda is for us serfs without quoting an official report.
    The money men have us stitched up and state control is upon us.
    Remember what Engels said,and it is this,family values are the enemy of the state,break strong family values and the state will take over.
    this is what is going on right now and has been going on for years.

  208. 208
    jgm2 says:

    Whatever pr*ice rigging was going on to the pr*ice of petrol is a rounding error compared to the 300% taxes the UK government uses to manipulate the pr*ice of petrol.

  209. 209
    while I mangles my guitar .... says:

    u can try , darlin !! I ain’t gonna complain x

  210. 210


    How is that?

    Higher or lower? ;-)

  211. 211
    Dave you really are hopeless and Useless says:

    “We of course have been monitoring the situation at G4S and their management had told us right up to last week that everything was all right”.

    “We were asking the right questions and we were being told that everything was on track”

    “At the moment that we were told that they weren’t going to be able to manage we activated that plan”.

    “I don’t think this is a moment for getting into the blame game. G4S have been quite honourable”.

    “It is completely normal that you are going to find some contractors on a project of this size who are not going to be able to deliver.”


    Vote UKIP

  212. 212
    Fletch says:

    Can’t say much else in reply except again to state the bleedin obvious just

    Fcuking Naff Off……thanks

    Ooops Here comes Mr Barrowclough for lights out, as Mr Mackay is out at his special ballroom dancing class tonight, learning the delightful Pansy Fox Trot, according to The Honourable Mr Justice Rawley,our Masonic insider…..

    BTW Crusher is out on parole next week so he can pop over at any time to make a better impression on you personally if you like……….

    As for your G4S CPS (Crap Piss & Shit) security guards would’nt trust them to look after an empty paper bag especially after Genial Harry Grout has had a word ……Do you Get it pillock…… if not you soon will !!

    BTW Jimmy 2 shoes, now only has one as someone nicked the other one last week, they reckon is was Gordon “Who likes a big one up his smelly Harris Tweed” McMental by nature, who was here as a proscribed prison visitor……..can’t trust anyone, not anyone….

    so go play with your WMD’s train set, like a good little AH…..

    Don’t bother me Again tonight… need my beauty sleep………its enough with with Godber snoring & farting mostly not in Unison…….but all night long…..Ta

    Wishing you a reverse large Winston Salute …..with a big fart thrown in for nix….

  213. 213
    Labour will frittata ur money away .... says:

    Both x

  214. 214
    UKIP UNITED !! says:

    Nigel says Thank you & glad to see the message is successfully now getting across to all sectors about getting out of the EUSSR……..asap……..

    VOTE UKIP…………….

  215. 215
    P.C. Filth says:

    I is quite funny tho , ain’t I ??

  216. 216
    annette curton says:

    Time was when people had the the balls to say “I Conker”.

  217. 217

    You are very naughty!

    Some correction may be necessary – afterwards.

  218. 218
    erm... says:

    with care for the elderly and care in the community in mind…the government actually wants families to pull together…..and with economic difficulties, growing number of young and not so young continue to live with family

  219. 219
    first time reader says:

    You make me laugh but I’m fairly new here.

  220. 220
    The Paragnostic says:

    I’d heard the goatherds like a bit of arse for a change, Johann.

    Is that why they looked kindly on you?

  221. 221
    first time reader says:

    XPS !!

    We meets sometime? I’s quite boring in real life ;)

  222. 222

    So am I.

    In fact, I only invented myself tonight…

    Two Virgins?

  223. 223


    So you told me before. So am I…

  224. 224
    The spirit of Al Capone says:

    The is terrible news , shocked really shocked the organ of a Democratic state can even think about the manipulation of information in this way to mislead the electorate. Next you will saying MP’s have been fiddling expenses plus making wrongfull claims & some will even go to Prison for a couple of weeks while others get away scott free all because of there greed & claim it was all in the rules.

    Wished I had legal rules like that in my day…I’d still be around….

    What is the world coming to…..

  225. 225
    The Paragnostic says:

    The Septics have a particularly good term – “House N1gger”. Belafonte once used it to describe Colin Powell round about the time of the bioweapons UN speech he gave.

  226. 226
    Gordon Brown MP says:

    No, I only love men

  227. 227
    Rizla Teeth says:

    You aren’t boring, babes ♥ Try working with Mathew Amawillywally for a personification of boredom.

  228. 228
    My Other Van's A Comma says:

    I bored with a dry sense of humour. You floats my boat. I probly ♥s your bonce. Is that a crime?

  229. 229
    Fletch's Spokesperson says:

    Damm my Reply must have been moded Mr MacKay as it was to articulate & a very informative response……

    Still Naff Off though

  230. 230

    Thanks , darlin xx .

    I’m off to bed now .

    LU ♥

  231. 231
    Anon Hacked off Voter !! says:

    Tell us something we don’t know…. you Mens Bum loving Jock

  232. 232
    Anon says:

    Yer man but 2 good for them Commies.. ain’t i

  233. 233
    Sarah Brown says:

    Me too. That Nick Cleggy chappie has bulging pockets, doesn’t he Gordon?

  234. 234
    Fog says:

    Chairman Mao believed the same thing, so he split families up and sent them as far away as possible. He hated his family.

  235. 235
    David Camoron (total mong and one-term PM) says:

    I say, you rotters! Why would I bother to check the security arrangements for something as trifling at the London Olympics? I was having a spiffing time sacking British soldiers, and now I’ve bally-well got to re-hire them. Major downer, eh? And I was nearly on level 12 of Angry Birds, too. What what.

    Well, got to saunter – I’ve a jolly busy day tomorrow, sacking and slashing, and giving oodles of money to India and the EU, what what.

  236. 236
    Irate Englishman says:

    Quote the source of what Engels said.

    National Soci@lism and Fascism (Corporatism) were in fact supported by the Catholic church (see what’s happened to them – they got out of line centuries ago). Guess why? National Soci@lism was authoritarian and hierarchical. It focused on the family like Islam does today. The state managed business and controlled the means of production, exchange and communication in the interest of the people, who incidentally largely worked for the state as in the PRC today! Most anti-fascists leave that last bit out. The thing is, National Soci@lism works for the people against predators on people. As to racism, just remember, the evil Nazis were allied with the Japanese and Arab world!

  237. 237
    P.C. Filth says:

    Why is I banned from usin my real mane? Over……

  238. 238
    MoodBot says:

    Coz your typing is annoying, E. *WD40s socket*

  239. 239
    David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

    We’re fucked but keep it to yourelf, old chap. We wouldn”t want the rioters people to get wind of this. All in it together, babes.

  240. 240
    Edit Function says:

    Replaces “your elf with yourself”

  241. 241
    sheepshaggar says:

    Any proper investigators out there? Google ‘Fettisgate’ It’s all there!

  242. 242
    Jeremy Vinyl says:

    Oh , OK .

  243. 243
    Irate Englishman says:

    It’s “their” not “there” and it’s “scotch” not “scott”.

    But was it “an organ of a Democratic state” doing the manipulating…or were they private enterprises/companies in collusion?

    Try thinking before you type out what you believe is a pithy response.

    R u young btw?

  244. 244
    Cash 4 honours says:

    Every case investigated by Yates of the Yard needs to be re-opened. Now that we know he was a bent copper justice needs to be done.

  245. 245
    Paul says:

    Grow up laddy. Mistakes happen.

  246. 246
    Anon EUSSR asylum seeker says:

    Cleggy’s Pockets are bulging with Tax Free Euro’s nowt else according to Brussels EUSSR Head Office…..

  247. 247
    Red Rum says:

    Cuz a mane is what I had and you have a Name.

    But why did they name me Red Rum when Rum isn’t Red?

  248. 248
    The spirit of Al Capone says:

    Lennie will pass by you with his Gold Plated Violin Case for a special reply !

    You Pedantic English twat

  249. 249
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood American Slurs Service says:

    A far more common appellation than “H-N,” which is used to refer to people of colour thought to have “sold out to the Man” for a position of prominence, in much the same way that servant slaves played up to the Massa to be better treated than the manual labour slaves, is “Oreo,” which implies that for all one’s Bl*ack app*e*arances, one is “Wh*ite” inside, i.e., shares what some of the Politically-Correct crowd call the hegemonic cultural beliefs of the dominant culture. Of course, the Oreo cookie/biscuit has been around for a century in the US, celebrating its centenary this year in fact, and has only recently become widely available in the UK. As familiarity with the product increases, look for an upswing in the use of the term.

  250. 250
    WHOOPS says:

    Think you will find that Dave has fuck all to do with the runnining of G4S. Unlike Lord Reid the former LABOUR home secretary who is NOW a DIRECTOR of G4S

  251. 251
    Kaynes says:

    This is how fiat money works. If you don’t like it buy Gold or barter.

  252. 252
    Silent Bob's silence says:

    Silence speaks volumes.

  253. 253
    UKIP.i.am says:

    I recall a few months back all the media were ranting on about how petrol pri*ces had risen much more than the oil pr*ice had done over the previous 4 months. So I looked at what the difference was over 12 months, a much more logical figure to choose. And blow me if if wasn’t the other way around with the oil pr*ice rising much higher than the petrol pri*ce.

    The moral of this story is do not believe all the crap in the press and on the TV. Cherry picking figures to please the masses of whingers is the natural order of the day for people with a story to sell. Isn’t it Guido?

  254. 254
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

    Bring back a Libor government…

  255. 255
    The Silent Lord Cullen Report says:


  256. 256
    ffs! says:

    Which part of Call me Dave’s remit to be the Prime Minister do you not understand?

  257. 257
    Blowing Whistles says:

    To Fowlers
    Point of order – Depends on Editorial perspective. E.g The MOS letters Editor can read things differently to the Sunday Telegraph letters Editor – as mentioned previously today.

    The question mark can still be placed at the end.

  258. 258
    The public says:

    I don’t understand why we put up with him. He claimed he was a tory but that has turned out not to be true.

  259. 259
    William Blake, not entirely helpfully, says:

    Sire Quorum, dam Mared. Racehorse breeders, having long ago run out of sensible names, have fallen back on weak puns.

  260. 260
    Tachybaptus says:

    Sorry, that was me. If you criticise people for using silly names, you forget to change your own silly name.

  261. 261
    Tachybaptus says:

    And that was meant to be attached to 253. I’ll forget my own name next. Oh, I just did.
    [Dives hastily]

  262. 262
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Mr Irate – you are about one fifth into your understanding of these subject matters. Go away and try and work out just what and who lies behind this gargantuan myth of ‘Socialism’. It is a construct – that leads silly sheeple to believe something which ain’t even gonna happen. Look at Mao – do you think he or Stalin were going to give up their ‘control’ over the masses bar death.

    Human nature is to strive for power Socialism is a myth, a big fat lie to dupe sheep into being corralled…. enough.

  263. 263
    A bit of Farage says:

  264. 264
    George "spank me now" Osborne says:


  265. 265
    Gordon Brown, Teacher To The World says:

    As UN Special Envoy for Education, I will be very much involved in making real sure kids get learned good and proper, innit? Them kids is gonna know everything wot their suposta by the time I get thru with ‘em!

  266. 266
    Jeremy Vinyl says:

    I likes to be last, doesn’t I Guido?

  267. 267
    Byron says:

    I used to be known as The Stig.

  268. 268
    Dianne Fatbutt says:

    I’m all behind these days.

  269. 269
    Jeremy Vinyl says:


  270. 270
    Anonymous, EC1 says:

    Dear Rich and Mark,

    Please up your game this morning before I a) kill myself b) kill you.


  271. 271
  272. 272
    Dave Davies says:

    Good morning, people. Here’s to another week in la-la land:

    *licks screen*

  273. 273
    What hangs out the back of a computer, smoking .. says:

    Half ounce is four quid, for fuck’s sake. They didn’t tell me THAT at school.

  274. 274
    What hangs out the back of a computer, smoking .. says:

    Go to bed, E.

  275. 275
    Twisted Nerve says:

    Fuck you.

  276. 276
    Raised eyebrows says:

    Is Guido on the case? I do hope so.

  277. 277
    What hangs out the back of a computer, smoking .. says:

    You must be sleepy though?

  278. 278
    Genevieve says:

    I stayed up for five days, once. Pure adrenaline an alcohol. Makes the world seem quite fizzy.

  279. 279
    Kenneth Moron says:

    Your handle gives me a boner.

  280. 280
    Genevieve says:

    Are you stalking me , Kenneth?

  281. 281
    Get Real !! says:

    He just a poser.

  282. 282
    Kenneth Moron says:


  283. 283
    Genevieve says:

    Oh, OK.

  284. 284
    nmj says:

    Watermelon flavour Bacardi Breezer?

  285. 285
    Becky Pippins says:

    School is for wankers.

  286. 286
    Becky Pippins says:

    They’re so amateurish crap, aren’t they?

  287. 287
    Genevieve says:

    *squats on Pippins’ face*

  288. 288
    Really? says:

    80% of the cost of petrol is TAX you dummy. As always divert attention away from government rigging markets and focus on triviality. The sheep will follow.

  289. 289
    Becky Pippins says:

    *spots the Klingons*

  290. 290
    Really? says:

    The establishment are giving alky eeda every opportunity to make their mark. No doubt a smokescreen, triggering even more punitive legislation to curtail freedoms, in this wretched fash-ist country.

  291. 291
    Benign Stalker says:

    I love you, Pippins.

  292. 292
    Really? says:

    Electrodes on the genitals are far too kind for most of the human detritus that Labour and the Coalition of Fabians, have “enriched” our society with.

  293. 293
    Kenneth Moron says:

    Your stork moniker gives me a stiffy.

  294. 294
    0639 says:

    Ewa crashes

  295. 295
    Dead man found under a tree says:

    I see the BBC are in it today over lots of their presenters dodging tax. bet Newsnight won’t be on it though

  296. 296
    Grollace says:

    The readers don’t agree – see readers’ comments …..

  297. 297
  298. 298

    Time to get up with the blog on which the sun never sets.

  299. 299
    Really? says:

    Obviously you are not paying attention. The infamous reign of terror is still with us and is currently about to monitor every e-mail, phone call or jotting on a website. The Reign of Terror 1997- ongoing.

  300. 300
    Comrade David Cameron says:

    Good Morning In’it ?


  301. 301
    Fowlers says:

    @Blowing Whistles

    Bow locks dear

    MOS Style Guide? Ha ha ha
    Telegraph Style Guide? Do behave!

  302. 302
    cynic says:

    nice to see police so strapped all they can afford are Mercedes

    Theres still a few billion more to be squeezed out

  303. 303

    No readers’ comments on my link…

  304. 304
    Grollace and Wannat says:

    Has Camertwat put the Right trousers on this morning? – or is he going to go around like a dick all day?

  305. 305
    Forkbender says:

    What, no one? Not one solitary one

  306. 306
    Forkbender says:

    Yup, it looks as if it is a brand new Merc as well, just right right for some crim to nick, it certainly would have been if parked outside a warehouse.

  307. 307
    ooops says:

    daredevil skydiving team as part of opening ceremony unfortunately disintegrated by missile system

  308. 308
    The Golem says:

    1997 – a year to remember for its smoke screens and fig leaves.

  309. 309
  310. 310
    Hob Knob says:

    Is one who habitually uses the term an ‘oreoferdinand’?

Media Reader

Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
London Live to Cut 20 Staff to Buy in More Content | Press Gazette
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45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
We Must Not Call Charlie Hebdo Killers ‘terrorists’ | Telegraph
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
Poll: Sun Readers Want Page 3 to Stay | Business Insider
The Sun: An Apology | Press Gazette
More Women Prosecuted For Telly Tax | Mail

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“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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