July 2nd, 2012

Cam Expecting Rough EU Ride in Parliament

It seems the Prime Minister’s PPS is gearing up for an angry reaction when Cameron takes to the Despatch Box later to report on last week’s EU summit*:

From: SWAYNE, Desmond
Sent: 02 July 2012 14:34

Subject: Statement 3.30


Ed’s main effort is to engineer blue on blue. Let’s not help him. Dessie

Guido reckons it’s going to take more than that to quell the crowd behind Dave…

* The summit he used to rule out a referendum.


  1. 1
    True says:

    Classy, not on the merits then

  2. 2
    a non says:

    Blue on Blue?
    Dave’s not blue

  3. 3
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Ed Miliband couldn’t engineer an ice cube on the North Pole.

  4. 4
    D'Artagnan says:

    It’s quite common whilst saber rattling to fall on ones sword!

  5. 5
    Ed Miliband says:

    Thaths vewy nathty you wotter!

  6. 6
    Well it's a thought says:

    Comrades, jeez h wept, I thought these people in the unconned us were supposed to be right wing, now we find out they are lefties has camoron taken over liebour yet?.

  7. 7
    Ah! Monika says:

    Comrades…..says it all.

    They’ll be singing the RED FLAG at the party conference later.

  8. 8
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    Where’s my fucking coffee, dimwit ?

  9. 9
    Ed Millibland says:

    I will dewiver it just as soon as you tell me where you are hidingth

  10. 10
    Gordon Brown says:

    I did not sign the Lisbon Treaty. I was not there. I can get witnesses.

  11. 11
    Cpl J. Jones. Walmington-on-sea Platoon says:

    Perhaps he likes it up him!

  12. 12
    Call me Dave says:


    We shall be marching to Jarrow next week to show our solidarity to our fellow EU brothers in their hour of need.

    You will all receive £1 each towards your train journey home

  13. 13
    The Frankfurter says:

    Not enough is being done to undermine Britain. Cameron needs to up his game.

  14. 14
  15. 15
    Yvette Balls says:

    He came on a freebie trip to Oz with me. We were finding facts about something

  16. 16
    More Tax avoiders says:

    England cricket stars face an investigation by the taxman into a loophole that could be saving players thousands of pounds a year.

    Stars such as Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Strauss could be asked about their taxes as part of an inquiry by Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs (HMRC) into the use of image rights companies by cricketers.

    Investigators have met in the past few weeks with officials from the sport’s governing body, the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) and have written to all 18 leading county sides, asking for information on how their players are paid.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2167042/England-cricket-team-face-HMRC-quiz-tax-loophole.html#ixzz1zTUWHiZg

  17. 17
    Blue + Yellow = Green says:

    Dave is Green

  18. 18
    jgm2 says:

    Half the England cricket team are saffers anyway. They spend so much time on tour they’re probably exempt under the 90-day rule. ‘Not resident for tax purposes’.

    Same as Blair.

  19. 19
    Joss Ayinglike says:

  20. 20
    Cpl J. Jones. Walmington-on-sea Platoon says:

    Of course this criminal tax avoidance stuff never went on in my day……….. I’ve put a nice piece of Brisket by for you Mr Fawkes, no need for the coupons!

  21. 21
    The 3 Stooges says:

  22. 22
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Up until now, all DAVE’s been doing is just a lot of “whistling Dixie.”
    The trouble is, SOME of his backbenchers would really like to actually secede.

  23. 23
    Quisling says:

    And you don’t even need YouTube for the prima facie evidence as his signature is still gouged into the table beneath the book

  24. 24
    Ed Millibland says:

    Thanks Yvette. In that case can you get him to click his heels together and say ‘I wish I was home’ three times then

  25. 25
    Dave says:

    I’d really like to have another go at being Prime Minister

  26. 26
    Gordon Brown says:

    Come on Andy. British Jobs for British Tennis players

  27. 27
    Bill Cash says:

    How dare he refer to me as “comrade”

    “blue on blue” my arse !

    A straight in/out vote is required from our Leader.

  28. 28
    Cleggie says:

    Not on my watch you won’t

  29. 29
    Boris Johnson says:

    How I hate being referred to as “…the crowd behind Dave”

  30. 30
    Napoleon Bonaparte says:

    Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

  31. 31
    EdBallsMutteringIdiot says:

    Why do 40+ year old’s like DC put themselves through jogging and looking sweaty and tired; they could be caught creaming a 7-iron onto the green and look far more relaxed?

  32. 32
    No.10 Press release says:

    There cannot be a crisis next week. Our schedule is already full

  33. 33
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Camoron’s been engineering blue on blue for some time now. He’s quite the expert.

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    Even Cameron isn’t that stupid?

  35. 35
    nellnewman says:

    Well I wouldn’t exactly call him my leader but you’re right there must be an In/Out EU referendum.

  36. 36
    Ah! Monika says:

    The sooner Dave employs Alastair Campbell to sort things out the better.

  37. 37
    Gordon Brown says:

    I used to have superpowers… but a therapist took them away.

  38. 38
    Comrade Dave says:

    Why are the Conservatives addressing each other as Comrades these days? I find it quite sickening.

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    How old are you, you cheeky c’unt?

  40. 40
    nellnewman says:

    He’s just trying to emulate militwit’s red on red.

  41. 41
    Thick Lying Politicians says:

    Bit Late, by the time we get the referendum there wont be a European Union.
    Political Elite couldnt run a corner shop never mind a piss up in a brewery.

  42. 42
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    BBc leading with guardian bollocks of more riots, trying to screen the millitwat. But where the phuck is balls, could be in the ecudorian enbassy i suppose

  43. 43
    Ah! Monika says:

    Don’t be fooled into thinking ” Things can’t get any worse “.

    Even Douglas Hugh Ho Hugh Ho Hulme was 100 times better than this.

  44. 44
    Well it's a thought says:

    MPs looking into bankers so camoron is saying, surely that’s just like a fox looking after the chickens.

  45. 45
    Dudley Zoo says:

    I am not sure about Tom Cruises Scientologists, in Dudley, we are still afraid of the Moonies

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    In Dudley you are still afraid of the fire-breathing sticks we call matches…

  47. 47
    The Knight of Roon says:

    Golf: a sort of elaborate marbles.

  48. 48
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    In that part of the world it could mean fastso watson flashing his arse at all in sundry

  49. 49
    Ah! Monika says:

    Ecuadorian in English.

  50. 50
    Ah! Monika says:

    Creaming! I’m available.

  51. 51
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    Not if you are welsh

  52. 52
    Blue Strawberry says:

    Just to complicate matters…in yesterday’s press it is difficult to prove that what you see as red is the same colour as others see. Rather buggers things up

  53. 53
    jgm2 says:

    The bedwetters are keen that this example of Labour reneging on manifesto pledges not be brought up.

  54. 54
    Sarah says:

    Wipe your bum, they’re still there darling

  55. 55
    Well it's a thought says:

    So camoron is showing his cast iron was actually slag, he has just the uconned us loads of votes.

  56. 56
    Well it's a thought says:


  57. 57
    A Pantomime Police Horse says:

    Oh yes he is

  58. 58
    Grandee says:

    To: SWAYNE, Desmond
    Sent: 02 July 2012 15.34

    Subject: Statement 3.30


    Since when???

  59. 59
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    I have heard some crap in my time but Milliband has just taken the piss out of Cameron and quite frankly he is right to do so.

    Friday we were not having a Banking Inquiry and now come Monday we fucking are.Cameron is still fucking it up because he will never be able to hold a Parliamentary Inquiry without the support of Labour so I imagine by Friday a Judge will be appointed

    And as for Bleedin Europe I am still waiting for Camerons response as to how he used his influence with his european friends to improve things at that last Summit.

    I know we all have good days and b ad days but fucking hell when you ask people to trust you to spend some 50% of their total income I think they deseve a bit better than what I have just witnessed.

    Cameron after two years in power has only a cursory grasp of the EU crisis;

    How can people have any confidence in him until 2015?

    He is bloody hopeless and Milliband can stitch him up at will now.

  60. 60
    BBC says:

    Gordon Brown is an Urban Legend

  61. 61
    Ah! Monika says:

    Sorry, you’re correct.
    It’s Ecwador

  62. 62
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    +5001 for that.

    Cameron was absolute rubbish.

  63. 63
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    tom_watson ‏@tom_watson

    It cannot e a co-incidence that Coulson, Brooks and Cameron were all at the same event and photographed by the Mail:

    is that the best you have got you obese perv

  64. 64
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    But if the crunch came would the general public vote for thhe millitwat

  65. 65
    Dessie says:


    On second thoughts let’s help Ed out.

  66. 66
    Adam Bolt-on says:

    Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

  67. 67
    AC1 says:

    Blue on Pretend Blue

  68. 68
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    Redwood in five seconds asked the question Cameron should have had answered by the EU Summit last week.

    Where is the money coming from for this magical bailout?

  69. 69
    Lord Scalded Bollock says:

    Ah yes, Alec Douglas-Home.

    Now there was a true Old Etonian,I knew him well and wound him up by referring to him as Baillie Vass !

  70. 70
    David Cameron says:

    I refuse to have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed!

  71. 71
    A Pantomime Police Horse says:

    Sadly, neither of them is any good. It is obvious that our current system of democracy keeps throwing up duds as leaders. The problem is what to do about it given there are so many corrupt vested interests in Parliament.

  72. 72
    A Pantomime Police Horse says:

    Bollocks. We have to live with the consequences of this idiocy.

  73. 73
    A Welsh tomcat says:

    At least Milliband stands up to people every now and then e.g. his brother and Murdoch and after a pretty indifferent start Cameron cannot handle him .

    Keep topping up with stories of his family roots and who knows where it might all end.

  74. 74
    Bob Crow says:

    I shall be meeting with Cart*r R*ck later today to injunct Desmond Swayne against the use of the word “comrades”

    I have the worldwide exclusive rights to this word.

  75. 75
    green ink says:

    watching the commons this afternoon not a vestige of indication that cameron has a revolt on his hands…far from it…his stance that it is not right to have an in/out referendum at this point in time is absolutely right.
    He suggests we should engage with the evolving changes in the 17 as they have too integrate further and that point when we can leverage the things we want to achieve at the same time …them a referendum would be appropriate. I doubt he would lose the vote.

  76. 76
    no tool like an old tool says:

    Nonsense – we have the best politicians that money can buy.

  77. 77
    Well it's a thought says:

    Why bother camoron and is friends are as left wing as you and the BBC, probably even further left, you could save your money help your comrades who are out of work, oh sorry you could use it to find a decent restaurant.

  78. 78
    no tool like an old tool says:


  79. 79
    jgm2 says:

    How did Bob (or was it UNITE)’s consultation with their lawyers over Jeremy Clarkson’s ‘shoot them in front of their families’ comment work out?

  80. 80
    Dr. Libor says:

    Yes…and Dave’s just hitting peak heart attack territory in terms of age.

    Is there a history of heart attacks in his family?

  81. 81
    Well it's a thought says:

    Looks like Dessie has done a good job, the planted questions must be taking half of the uconned us questions.

  82. 82
    Dr. Libor says:

    Now how did that Welsh national anthem go?

    …Tra, la,la, la….tra, la, la, la…tra, la, la, la…Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch

  83. 83
    old git says:

    The EU was a plot from day one

    “Jean Monet, the founding father of the European Union, had a very particular vision of Europe’s future back in 1952, and he expressed it in a letter to a colleague on 30th April that year: ‘Europe’s nations should be guided towards the superstate without their people understanding what is happening. This can be accomplished by successive steps, each disguised as having an economic purpose, but which will eventually and irreversibly lead to federation.’”

    Bring on UKIP

  84. 84
    Chingrinner Memorial Committee says:

    where were you you gutless c’unt ?

  85. 85
    Bulldog Chewing a wasp says:

    I even have to pay image rights to Bob Crow

  86. 86
    Gordon Brown says:

    That is not me. It is an imposter. I was enjoying a meal of fish fingers, oven chips, peas and Irn Bru at the time with my lovely wife Susan at home in Fife. I have a twitter picture to prove t

  87. 87
    Chingrinner Memorial Committee says:

    hes as think as a leg end

  88. 88
    Bobby Vinton says:

  89. 89
    Sarah Tweet says:

    It’s so unfair people having a go at @GordonBrown about signing the Lisbon Treaty.

  90. 90
    green ink says:

    largely from the beneficiaries of the Marshall plan post 1945…the krauts

  91. 91
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Vintage footage of Roderick Spode’s Blackshorts found in Witney attic.

  92. 92
    Earwig O again says:

    Can we persuade him to run a bit faster then?

  93. 93
    Earwig O again says:

    If you are from Yorkshire, it is ‘eck, what door?

  94. 94
    unbiased observer says:

    At this rate fecking tories will all join UKIP and let liebour in.

  95. 95
    A Thoracic Surgeon says:

    Dave looks as if he is about to undergo cardiac arrest in that photo .

    Relax Mr David — all that exercise can be deleterious after a certain age. Apart from the ticker your knees tend to go as well .

    Take a leaf from Miliband’s book and get your adenoids done instead.

    Relax , have a cuppa and a cake . May I suggest a ……………Cameroon ?

  96. 96
    keredybretsa says:

    Europe for the Europeans it’ll be large referendums all round inside the next year or so.

  97. 97
    Matt says:

    Hardly “blue on blue” where Cameron is involved is it?

    More like blue on yellow/green/pink – he’s no Tory.

  98. 98
    Forkbender says:

    |||Has Cammers resumed jogging to try to reduce his 3 chins back to one?

  99. 99
    Forkbender says:

    Gordoom, titter ye not

  100. 100
    Forkbender says:

    Does this mean call me Dave really not know the price of train fares these days after travelling on expenses for 7 years as leader of the Cons

  101. 101
    Forkbender says:

    Cammers does not seem to learn from past mistakes

  102. 102
    Forkbender says:

    Well that’s done for Andy then

  103. 103
    Forkbender says:

    But Pickles has a far bigger one

  104. 104
    A Welsh tomcat says:

    I was thinking of Alec Douglas Home this afternoon when I saw Cameron floundering about.

    Luckily Douglas Home only lasted less than two years.

    I can only hope and prayer that the British public do not have to put up with Cameron for much longer.

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    A great many Labour leaning voters would like to see the UK out of the EU and may well support UKIP.

  106. 106

    Hope so, for a solid democratic base would be a good thing. And if people vote “no, non, nein” well so be it. But if they vote yes then Europe could strengthen immesurably. Just need to then work on getting the right people in there so that horror stories of verbal bullying, belittling, accounts problems, etc can be tackled. Then trust and respect will improve, and the Earth Union can take over the world, with the fabled messiah at its helm bringing all that technological innovation from Niberu!!!!

    Perhpas 21 Dec 2012 should be the date for EU wide referendums – the start of a new age….

  107. 107
    Matt says:


  108. 108
    One-term Davey says:

    “vote for me and I might give you an EU referendum”

    You wanker.

  109. 109
    Conrad says:

    Because he hasn’t really grown up yet.

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