June 27th, 2012

Piers Drags CNN to 21-Year Ratings Low

As if last month’s viewing figures weren’t bad enough for Piers Morgan, official quarterly ratings released yesterday show that CNN has hit a staggering 21-year low. Piers’ prime time chat show has bombed disastrously over the last year, falling 33% in the 24-54 age bracket and 45% overall. US comedians have already started sticking the boot in, with one tweeting:

How much more can his CNN bosses put up with?


  1. 1
    I got my hopes up for a sec says:


  2. 2
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Damn does that mean like Cheryl Cole he’ll soon be over paid and over here?

  3. 3
    Larry King says:


  4. 4
    For Piers :) says:

  5. 5
    Julio Assanchez says:

    He will be taking refuge at The Ecuador Embassy in Washington any time soon.

  6. 6
    Heather Mills & Boon says:


  7. 7
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    I wonder how his pretty large ego is handling this? I assume someone else is to blame

  8. 8
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am trying to decide which work I will no longer use chuckie or duckie?

  9. 9
    Gonk says:

    Can’t sing, can’t act, balding, can’t dance at all.

  10. 10
    JH says:

    Amazing how a heartfelt assumption of a right to power, influence and success can take a talentless, asskissing jerk-off.

    He needs a sodding good kicking, ideally in the back of an Army truck by infuriated squaddies.

    Anyone wanna buy the pictures? You wanna cheap watch? You wanna my seester?

  11. 11

    More proof that the Septics don’t do humour. What’s funny about a brain tumour? Does Mr. Miller advise R&M?

  12. 12

    Piers Morgan has worse Ratings Problems than a Moody’s analyst with an undiagnosed brain tumor.

    Bit weak. We can surely do better.

    – Worse ratings than the Bolivian navy
    – worse ratings than a Greek independent financial consultancy
    – Worse ratings than a Ben Afleck movie.
    – Has managed to attract fewer viewers than you’d expect at a Harriet Harman strip show

    and so on

  13. 13
    Chairman of Barclays says:

    Hello boys and girls

    Breaking news


    Only $450 MILLION to pay this little fine for fiddling LIBOR

    After out £500 MILLION “agressive tax avoidance”

    And $273 MILLION for money laundering

    We will continue to sell ourselves as an example of how banking should be done

    Up all yours and ROFL

    Any comments from sober co-conspirators?

  14. 14
    knob says:

    It’s called the “Piers Penis” effect

  15. 15

    Just thought the same. See below

  16. 16
    A co-conspirator says:

    It is clear that this bank is toxic and has been for years

    What are they still hiding?

  17. 17
    Fred Goodwin says:

    Keep up the good work

  18. 18
    Toe-Nee B-liar says:

  19. 19
    Le Monde correspondent says:

    CNN should not be taken seriously

    Nor should Fox News

    They are “entertainers” and not news providers like here on this blog, where we get honest, unbiased and credible information

  20. 20
    Gordon Brown says:

    ‘readies Nokia rail gun’

  21. 21
    Max 'FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER' Clifford says:


  22. 22
    Lord Levinson and his legal cowboys says:

    We love “Mr Jay”

    He even sounds British

  23. 23
    AC1 says:

    Er Fox should be taken more seriously by the ratio of viewers.

    After all it discovered a market niche, the 88% of Americans that aren’t of the “progressive” religion.

  24. 24

    Shits aren’t they.

    The co-founder of BQ ind went to get a bank loan in about 1994.

    Manager had said “We have a duty to protect all those little old ladies savings, so can’t risk lending.’

    This was when Midland bank had bankrupted themselves lending cash to Latin American dictators. The dictators bought guns and tanks and jets and missile boats with the cash.
    When the bank turned up to collect they were told “piss off Gringos. This is our money now.”

    My colleague ended up being escorted from the building. We never got the loan. Even though he’d gone in with an already signed contract for orders.

    So banks…fine them. Fine them till they squeal for mercy..

  25. 25
    AC1 says:

    I’d bet Gordo’s FSA knew all along, but like everything to do with Gordo he preferred lies over reality.

  26. 26
    AC1 says:

    All banks are b4nkrupt. That’s what they’re hiding.

  27. 27

    - even worse ratings than the chief economic adviser to the Treasury in 2001?

  28. 28
    Sun says:

  29. 29
    Lard Pressclott - Laughing Policeman in waiting says:

    That’s me after a massive d… !*


  30. 30
    Grrr says:

    Like the Guardian (and BBC without inspectors) – another lousy Leftist network that hasn’t the support of the public.

  31. 31
    Piss Organ says:

    Leave me to count my millions in peace. I’ve just got a coupla good share tips I want to punt on.

  32. 32
    UN Observer says:

    You mean like this ?

  33. 33
    Grrr says:

    Its worth noting that Leftist CNN’s overall viewing figures are lousy.

    Meanwhile, the Fox Network – which isn’t on the Left and actually shows both sides of an issue – goes from stregnth to stregnth increasing its viewing figures every year.

    I guess self-loathing, elitist, pompous twits don’t make for good viewing.

    When a UK network decides to go-Fox and start putting out non-Leftists news – it’ll do to the BBC what the Mail does to the Guardian every day – grind it into the dust.

  34. 34
    Lefty fucktards says:

    It’s very simple – any news source that we do not approve of should be banned, and The Guardian should get a massive subsidy so it can continue its worthy quest. Those hideously white Sun readers just do not know what is best for themselves you know. Another canape?

    We don’t care that Fox News gets lots of viewers. We prefer exclusive news outlets like The Guardian, with it’s massive claimed circulation that beats the Lincolnshire Echo hands down.

  35. 35
    Le Monde correspondent says:

    You mean the UK banks, paragons of how banking should be done according to Call me Dave, have not only ripped off their shareholders but their taxpayers and customers as well

    And they are now ban$rupt?

    That is quite a feat

  36. 36
    The Howard League for Penal Reform says:

    We think Piers should do a chat about “coercive” sex in prisons. Given that he soon will be getting first hand experience of it.


  37. 37
    Bill O'Reilly says:

    Dennis Miller is my regular Wednesday night guest commentator and my live-theater-show sidekick. I give him the business about being too abstruse in his humor– and he gives ME the business about being a pompous ass. As you can tell, we work well together. (“Abstruse,” as in a “word of the day” at the end of my show: “When writing in to the ‘Factor,’ do NOT be ‘abstruse’!”)

    By the way, even his lead-in, Anderson Cooper, a swish who looks like a white rat, and with whom I mop up the floor every night, has better ratings than Piers.

  38. 38
    UK voter says:

    Maybe not

    But everyone else did, apart from Slotbob

  39. 39

    He seriously lost his cool on America’s got talent last night as well.

    Looks like the yanks have worked out he’s jerk, which means he’ll be back to pour bile over blighty again

  40. 40
    HMRC says:

    How about your aggressive tax avoidance Mr Blair ?

    We will get you, you little biuger except if you flee the country like your dictator friends do…

  41. 41
    John Presstotty, Littlehampton says:

    Tubby or not tubby?

    Eh, soddit, I will have large chips with the Ham omelette.

  42. 42
    Ah! Monika says:

    Lower Ratings than a submarine?

  43. 43
    Radar Deal 4 Tanzania says:

    We know, Tony. We know.

  44. 44
    Gordon Brown says:

    Neither did I.

  45. 45
    Forensic expert says:

    I think the Leveson enquiry is a WET FART

    Heard throughout the world

    When will he and his humming jay start to get to the BOTTOM of all the thuggery, buggery and skulduggery involved in the UK Press?

  46. 46
    Tommy Trinder says:

    The End of the Piers Show

  47. 47
    Hey says:

    Looks like ‘pea’ string is now getting through. Or am I the last to notice

  48. 48

    According to the last figures from the Audit Bureau of Circulation the Lincolnshire Echo had an average daily circulation of 17,151.

    The Guardian claims 358,844. So the Guardian still has a few years of gentle, Polly paying, top salary earning, pension pot filling, decline left.

    Mind you, the Lincolnshire daily echo became the Lincolnshire weekly echo a few years ago. Maybe the pinko paper will follow and just become a Sunday special.

    Travel, finance, cooking, arts and bundles of bed wetting supplements.

  49. 49

    pea ? Surely not.

  50. 50

    Brighton’s West Pier is more likely to survive.

  51. 51
  52. 52
  53. 53

    rice and pea too?

  54. 54
  55. 55

    You can’t type cυnt though.

  56. 56
    will says:

    The guardian is gradually shrinking, it sells off its regioanl newspapers and its radio interests, all it has left is the observer and the guardian. it is kept afloat by a second hand car business. So i reckon in 3 years time the observer will be sacrificed to save the guardian unless it can off load autotrader and bank the money to support the guardian.

  57. 57
    Tachybaptus says:

    I’ve met some ratings from a submarine. Low as they were, Morgan is lower.

  58. 58
    MS Suspect says:

    I reckon the yanks are not as dumb as they look.

  59. 59
  60. 60
    BBC - you must pay us to watch other TV channels says:

    Super! We’ll send him a multi-million pound contract straight away.

    Anyone who can cause so many TV sets to be switched off must be saving us from Man-Made Global Warming, er hang on, Global Warming, almost got it, CAGW AGW, wait what’s the new one, climate change no, er, must be needed for ‘sustainable development’.

    And I’d like to stress that the BBC is fair and independent and the science is settled irrelevant as ‘sustainable development’ is a political matter, so we should all obey the EU.

    (Obviously we don’t care that people don’t watch tv – with our special ‘guidance’ to magistrates we’ve managed to convince magistrates that the written law doesn’t matter, and that people need to have a tv licence even to use a tv or computer to watch DVDs. Next – convince them a tv licence is obligatory to access the internet.)

  61. 61
    Another Engineer says:

    The FSA knew nothing about anything.

    That was their purpose.

  62. 62
    Chinese Tip Operative says:

    Guido Fawkes ‏@GuidoFawkes
    @IainDale My Sony Vaio is 6 years old, added memory, replaced hard drive, cleaned keyboard. Still going strong.

    Sounds like the one I’ve got on eBay for $5

  63. 63
    Tachybaptus says:

    Oh, you can type it. But it is magically transformed into something that was quite funny about three years ago, though the joke is now as stale as a politician’s armpit.

  64. 64
    Prize Pratt says:

    Anyhoo. What goes around comes around. I reckon the feather duster will be polishing Cowell’s dusty c*ck again.

  65. 65
    Aunty Matter says:

    You do have to laugh at the sheer brass neck of the BBC and ‘Nu Labia’. Some lefty mong called Chris Leslie just been on the BBC news claiming that Barclays dodgy doings over the Libor rate is disgraceful and Labour have been challenging the current government to do something about it.

    Yet it appears that this dodgy dealing went on UNDER the last Government, so why don’t Labour first say sorry and then admit it was their shitty FSA that once again let the public down.

  66. 66

    I tried to post about Slаіns Pursuіvаnt this morning but it was blocked…

    They go back to 1412.

  67. 67
    Simon Cowell playing the sheeple for the fools that they are. says:

    Shaaaddup about Morgan. I am ‘aving a faaaaag.

  68. 68
    War;Lies and Serious Misdemeanours says:

    I can understand that…after all you do get “immunity from Prosecution” whilst holding the office of Prime Minister..

  69. 69

    I find Hozelock does the job quite nicely.

  70. 70
    John Presstotty, Littlehampton says:

    Can’t even get ‘Sweet FA’ right.

  71. 71
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Just on general principle, continue doing the ModBot avoidance techniques, as you never know when the boss will change his mind about it again.

  72. 72
    S'rAlan Bastard says:

    You’re fired!!

  73. 73
    Ah! Monika says:

    copy and paste Slаіns Pursuіvаnt tells me to check my spelling

  74. 74
    Baldy says:

    First time I’ve ever wished your eye-sight was better.

  75. 75
    Chin ese Ti p Opera tive says:

    Too late

  76. 76
    It all started in America...Labour knew nothing ...it was all the Tories fault !!! says:

    Be fair they were only the government for 13 years you can’t expect Labour to be responsible for everything that happened between 1997 -2010….can you. Christ they’ll be telling us next that the financial mess was nothing to do with THEM

  77. 77
  78. 78
    Holly Willoughby says:

    You’ve got genital warts and I claim my £5.00.

  79. 79
    PinStripedChancer says:

    How much?

  80. 80
    PinStripedChancer says:

    See you in The Caymans.

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    “When a UK network decides to go-Fox…..”

    You’d think a golden opportunity like this would be staring them in the face, but our media types are a bunch of hopeless, leftie retards.

  82. 82
    Gordon Brown, the Fife Fuck-Up says:

    H-h-h-h-h-hold on. Hold on.

    The Guardian and Observer lost £45 million last year, which is only about £130’000 per day. Thus they lose about 50 pence for each copy sold.

    There will be strong continuing negative growth in the profit margins as the losses continue up and the circulation continues down.

    I commend that business model to the house.

  83. 83
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Of course, as a reward for his services to British journalism, Piers could be given a “Pierage,” if you will; cheap pun to be sure, but they’ve been given to bigger criminals than him.

  84. 84
    Joss Taskin says:

    According to Press reports, this was going on between 2005-2009. Who was in government then ? Was n’t this during The Reign of Terror 1007-2010 ? During the Brown/Balls ‘light touch regulation’ phase ?

  85. 85
    JH says:

    Dammit, I should have said £45 millions.

    It used to really, really, really piss me off when he insisted on pluralising million/billion.

  86. 86
  87. 87
    Holly Willoughby says:

    Where’s my fiver, bitch?

  88. 88
    HappyUK says:

    If Jeremy Kyle decides to call it a day, he can always forge a new career interviewing rednecks on daytime TV. Oh, hang on…

  89. 89

    He pissed me off whenever he opened his lopsided, saggy gob.

  90. 90
    JH says:

    It will continue until the dumb fuckers who seem to like pouring money down the drain realise that – like all tribal, leftist, socialist vanity projects – The Guardian will last almost exactly as long as Daddy is paying the bills.

    What the fuck is in it for them, for Christ’s sake?

    The reason lefties get so het up about Murdoch is that they presume he is an insidious figure wanting to have undue influence on the media, politics, public life and expenditures.

    Why do the left presume this? Because it is exactly what they are up to themselves.

    Murdoch just wants to make money.

  91. 91
    Baldy says:

    Piers Morgan has worse Ratings Problems than a moody anal cyst‘.

    I thought referring to ‘Piers Morgan’ and ‘brain’ in the same sentence was just too much. ‘Anal’, however, is in the right ball-park.

  92. 92

    Claim invalid. Looking at it now and your condition not met.

    p.s. Do you find they increase friction nicely?

  93. 93
    Polly Pot says:

    I’m 65.
    I’ve stuffed my personal pension pot so full its in danger of bursting. I can crow how I only earn £100k a year. But that excludes all the ‘contributions’ that the employer makes to the golden goodbye.

    I could leave anytime. I could retire and let little Laurie become queen of the harpies. I’m certainly rich enough. If I lived another 30 years I wouldn’t be short.

    I hope it does continue. If the guardian can just carry on slowly sinking, they’re still sticking 10’s of thousand’s in the retirement pot. And giving me 100’s of thou each year.
    I’d like it to last about another three years. Then I’ll retire.
    As soon as Ed Miliband is PM. That will be the crowning glory. The first time in 40 years Polly Pot will have got an election prediction right.

  94. 94
    Polly Pot says:

    Please pay attention.
    Go to BBC/History/timeline/retro

    1979 – Thatcher spawned from hell
    1980-2009 Thatcher ruins Britain
    2010 – ? Cameron ruins Britain

  95. 95
    Grrr says:

    I do wonder if the Levinson enquiry was nothing more than the Elite’s desperate attempt to stop Murdoch using Sky to Go-Fox and challenge the Left’s iron grip on UK media.

    Why does the Levinson enquiry not deal with hacking at the Guardian and Mirror? Why this bizare obsession with Murdoch? I sniff conspiracy.

    Why Desmond doesn’t do this with Channel 5 is beyond me. A patriotic, pro-Israel, anti-Eu, Pro-America, anti-Union, anti-BBC news dept at this channel would burry Channel 4 news.

  96. 96
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    CNN is not just left, they’re not even a serious news station anymore. They’ve gone way downhill in the last 2-3 years.

  97. 97
    Grrr says:

    >it is kept afloat by a second hand car business

    Its also kept afloat by millions of pounds of subsadies from the British tax payer, in the form of ads for bonkers jobs – all of which could be advertised for pennies online.

  98. 98
    Tachybaptus says:

    Like walking the plank, but on a larger scale?

  99. 99
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    You must stay around to be an inspiration to little Laurie. She desperately needs something.

  100. 100
    Sir Arthur Cholmondly-Smythe says:

    She a’int no lady.

  101. 101
    Vazoline says:

    She’s a good friend of mine and is as honest as me.

  102. 102
    Holly Willoughby says:

    Not as much friction as you get with your genital warts, warty.

  103. 103
    Gaston Glock says:

    Peirs for Guardian editor!

  104. 104
    50 Calibre says:

    Never heard of them….

  105. 105
    L M F A O says:

    Dennis Miller – best put down of the Century (so far). Brilliant!

  106. 106
    L M F A O says:

    Anderson Cooper should learn to take a breath now and then and not swallow all his words. He comes over as a poor man’s Paxo.

  107. 107
    LabourNutter says:

    maybe he could recover his ratings with an exposé of American troops abusing POWs

  108. 108
    J R Ewing says:

    That Piers Doorman guy couldn’t find his own ass with both hands free in a neon lit room full of mirrors .

    Why when ahh finally take over the world he’ll be the first to be dropped down a gusher in ful flow.

    ( Hey Sue Ellen dahlin’ — you still mad at me ??)

  109. 109
    Tolly Poynbee says:

    At least Lenny Paurie had the good sense to jump ship to the Indo.

  110. 110
    Lou Scannon says:

    Is Piers auditioning for the remake of Animal House ?

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