June 22nd, 2012

Guidogram Going Out Shortly

The Guidogram round-up of the week is going out shortly.

Thousands of Westminster insiders read the Guidogram, everyone from Downing Street insiders to Fleet Street never miss it. This week Guido brought you the news of Leveson losing it, a topless photo scandal in the lobby and a surprise guest at one of Baroness Warsi’s dodgy dinners. It’s been a comedy circus…

Join the conspiracy and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, free, to keep in the loop. You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
    W V M says:


  2. 2
    Gordon Brown says:


  3. 3
    The Prize Twatess says:

  4. 4
    W V M says:

    Failed again Gordo?

  5. 5
    I saved the world says:

    He’s our hero!

  6. 6
    Little Ned says:

    I’m very pleased with my new BandP style bandwagon and think it could be quite effective!

  7. 7
    a non says:

    Johanna Baxter / is Sarah Brown/ is Johann Hari?

    Nothing like claiming credit for everything good that might happen in the world.

  8. 8
    Tony Blair the Multi-Millionaire says:

    You were always a number two Gordon.

  9. 9
    Ed Miliband says:

    Gillian Duffy should never have been allowed into this country!

  10. 10
    smoggie says:

    If we take Ed Milliband at his word he’ll be kicking Aung San Suu Kyi out of the country when he becomes PM.

  11. 11
    UKIP.I.AM says:

    “Labour leader Ed Miliband has promised to deter firms from exclusively employing workers from overseas, admitting his party “got it wrong” on immigration when in government.”

    Isn’t it bloody typical of the anti-business, anti-growth, pro-poverty Labour party that to make up for THEIR cock-ups they want to make business pay the penalty for it?

    Surely not employing foreigners is both discrimination and treating them as second-class citizens?

    Its like that left wing twatty implying that in order for our children to have a decent education we need to be a Fascist state.


  12. 12
    Ruskie Go Home says:

    Does this mean Ed Miliband would deport Ed Miliband, David Miliband and Mummy Miliband?

  13. 13
    UKIP.I.AM says:

    Or fining anyone who employs her.

  14. 14
    smoggie says:

    Miliband’s socialism is well on the inevitable path to fascism. The difference between the two ideologies is just a matter of time.

  15. 15
    Immigrants utd says:

    But Labour is employing the Miliband bros, the Denis MacShane (Matyjaszek), the Vaz, the Abbott, the Umunna, the Gisela Gschaider Stuart, the Khan ad the Gordon Brown

  16. 16
    Loungelizard says:

    Quite happy for their core supporters to bear the pain of their immigration policy. Housing shortages, high rents, no jobs….Labour’s policy cynically changed the electoral and cultural face of this country, we can never undo the damage.

  17. 17
    BBC says:

    Good to see Ed Milliband attempting to curtail the evil Tories policy of giving jobs to johnny foreigner rather than our filthy white indigenous rabble.

  18. 18
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    Absolute phucking bollocks brown and the trougher kinnock jumped on the band wagon years and I mean years after the movement to highlight the plight of Aung San Suu Kyi, have they no bloody shame you stupid bloody woman

  19. 19
    Gordon Brown says:

    My power is derived from the pants and vest of St Michael that my father bestowed on me as a child

  20. 20
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    Milliband will not mention that they allowed mass immigration in the hope to increase thier core vote, off the top of my head straw comes to mind

  21. 21
    gordel brown says:

    When you have been the first to invent the wheel, jumping on bandwagons is a piece of cake.
    Or should that be cack.

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Did you not believe them when they said there would only be 15,000 immigrants from eastern europe, including 95 polish plumbers?

  23. 23
    Blockbusters says:

    Coming to a screen near you on the 7 May 2015.
    Directed with a trillion pound budget and with an all star cast of experts fresh out of debating school and media studies NVQ’s


    A Dino De Laurentiis production

  24. 24
    Always worth a read... says:


    “In the case of Spain, the economy restructured around a real estate boom, and the economic structure is now unwinding. When seeing the Economist figures, it is apparent that the only way that Spain’s economy can avoid a horrendous crash is to maintain the levels of borrowing that supported the economic structure. However, to do so would be to further entrench the problem that the lending is supposed to solve. At some point, Spain must restructure its economy away from real estate, and that is a transition which must, absolutely must, be a painful process”

    “The solution to too much borrowing, is not to borrow more.”

  25. 25
    Ed Balls says:


  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    The difference between them is the emergence of a personality.

  27. 27
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    It all started in america, Barroso said so and rumpey agreed

  28. 28
    Always worth a read... says:

    Finding out where it ends might be more useful…

    “In other words, the losses in the Spanish banks are likely to be far greater than is currently accepted, and the Spanish economy likely has a long way to fall yet. When so much of an economy is dedicated to real estate, and real estate goes bust, the damage is going to be huge.”

  29. 29
    jgm2 says:

    And denying all responsibility for anything bad that happens right under your nose. On your watch. With your approval.

  30. 30
    Yankee Doodle Dandy says:

    Well they did invent the United States first, the EU is just copying them except they forgot to have a civil war before uniting.

  31. 31
    jgm2 says:

    Why? Is she an EU immigrant?

  32. 32
    Eric 'you lookin' at my pint' Joyce says:

    It’s utter delusional revisionism.

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    We may get a civil war, yet.

  34. 34
    Ed Miliband says:

    Thorry Everyone.

    Thorry about all the immigwants.
    It wathn’t my idea. A bigger boy did it.

  35. 35
    smoggie says:

    Yes, I suppose Miliband doesn’t quite fit the “strong man” image. But there’s always Balls lurking in the shadows, and he does have the uniform!

  36. 36
    Al Gore, from my Learjet whose emissions are offset by a massive ranch I bought. says:

    That’s nothing. I invented the internet and global warming. I am the Leonardo da Vinci of the 20th century.

  37. 37
    The Serpent stings says:

    Oy vey, Maria.

  38. 38
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    civil war is alright its the impolite war I am against

  39. 39
    smoggie says:

    No but she’s just finished fitting my conservatory and she did a mighty fine (and inexpensive) job.

  40. 40
    jgm2 says:

    Available from Staples at 3.99 for 512 copies.

  41. 41
    good god, jesus etc says:

    good to see Hitchins giving that lying bastard Bryant a going over on Brillo’s show.

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    She did mine too, but wouldn’t leave the house for 15 years afterwards

  43. 43
    delayed reaction says:

    A further question re the education debate. I would be interested to know peoples views on school uniform?
    Others have mentioned their kids demanding posh trainers instead of M+S plmpsoles.
    One of my kids schools became a keeping up with the joneses fashion contest where the bog standard C&A, Tesco etc wear was frowned upon.
    1960s Skool uniform with the exception of the short trouser fiasco appe@red to keep most tearaways under control in the past. A sense of equality for both rich and poor.
    Most succesfull Asian / Oriental education still maintains this ‘old fashioned” dress code.

  44. 44
    Eric 'you lookin' at my pint' Joyce says:

    Chris Bryant is an upstanding member of the political class and not a filthy little pervert who abandoned his dying mother.

  45. 45
    UKIP.I.AM says:

    USA and Europe have adopted radically different approaches to putting economic pressure on the Junta.

    In 1997 the USA banned all new investment. In 2003 it banned most Burmese imports and dollar transactions.

    The EU’s sanctions have been more targeted. In 1996 it banned arms sales and expelled military attaches; it froze the assets of individuals within the junta. It withdrew preferential trade status and subsequently cut off all non-humanitarian aid.

    Democracy campaigners are scathing about the results.

    “The EU sanctions are pathetic: it’s as if they’ve been designed to miss the mark,” said Mark Farmaner, acting director of the Burma Campaign UK.

    Crucial to the EU stance on Burma is the position of France. The French oil giant Total is a major investor in Burma through its gas pipeline project in Yadana, which is a joint venture with the junta.

    Total has been embroiled in a series of court cases over forced labour and other human rights abuses.

    Under Jacques Chirac, the French government told a US court that suing the company would “conflict with French national interest”.

  46. 46
    jgm2 says:

    Bollocks. It ended in America.

    I wish somebody would fucking well report the facts. The yanks were the ones who realised the madness of basing ‘growth’ and entire economies on massive borrowing and a real estate bubble.

    It was the yanks who pulled the pin otherwise the Maximum Imbecile would have marched the UK further down the path pioneered by Ir*el*and.

  47. 47
    IMDB says:

    To watch the trailer please click HERE

    WARNING – May be a spoiler as it gives a lot away

  48. 48
    Pilgrim says:

  49. 49
    Chuffed, Purley. says:

    I hear Handycock is in hospital with a serious heart problem.

  50. 50
    Quisling says:

    I insist on dressing my kids from the army and navy stores, although the little un doesn’t seem to appreciate dressing as a Japanese general

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    What’s your alternative, Julie?

    If everyone takes the same exams, regardless of ability, and all ‘pass’, what are we proving, exactly?

  52. 52
    Gordon Brown says:

    Ahem it ended in Kirkcaldy

  53. 53
    jgm2 says:

    ‘enemy of promise’?

    What the fuck does that mean? Coming from an enemy of reason?

    We promised you that we’d give you some nice easy exams to pass but we can’t?

    We promised to make you ‘clever’ by letting you go home and get your parents to do all your coursework and then making ‘suggested improvements’ so you could re-submit it and get 100%?

    Really? What the fuck is an ‘enemy of promise’?

  54. 54
    Loungelizard says:

    A dress code for the teachers would be a good idea as well. Lead by example!

  55. 55
    Jizz says:

    I also promised and in your case I meant it

  56. 56
    Britain the ruined country says:

    Really good comedy on Brillo this lunchtime watching Bryant make an even bigger c..nt of himsself than usual (on immigration)…………everyone else had his number and were having to work very hard not to laugh out loud at him

  57. 57
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Sarah, you really are a sad, sad person.

  58. 58
    Britain the ruined country says:

    Rochdale grooming ring convicted of 30 rapes told child victims to call him

    Shabir Ahmed (pictured), 59, led a child sex exploitation ring of nine men who targeted vulnerable young girls in the Rochdale and Oldham areas of Greater Manchester.

    Comments (208)

    Why didn’t Bryant mention this gift to the country from Labour?

  59. 59
    jgm2 says:

    What has she got to be happy about? Growing up she’ll have had a Barbie doll with the little princess outfits. She’ll have had the Jimmy Osmond’s and David Cassidy’s pictures blue-tacked her wall. She’ll have practised kissing her hand. She’ll have seen Lady Di getting married on TV like a proper princess and thinking ‘that could be me…’. She’ll be looking forward her whole life to that special day. That special prince who will sweep her off her feet and make her heart soar with excitement and anticipation.

    But she left it all too late and ended up working in PR and had to settle for being married to the most insane fucker in the country.

    Why would she be happy?

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    She married the great imbecile, so we kinda knew that already…

  61. 61
    Pompey News says:

    PORTSMOUTH South MP Mike Hancock is in Queen Alexandra Hospital preparing to undergo heart bypass surgery.

    Mr Hancock had an operation to tackle a serious problem with his heart on Wednesday, but said this was not successful.


  62. 62
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    You stupid,stupid stupid stupid stuipd stupid stupid stupi stupid stupid stupid bloody cretin, my god julia davies is a by word for stupidy

  63. 63
    Who? says:

    I have never heard of Julie Davies. Was she a judge on X factor?

  64. 64
    Britain the ruined country says:

    I can’t understand why Milliband, Brown et al are not featured on Crimewatch on a regular basis, not only have they ruled to bring about maximum ruin to this country but are desperate now in their attempts to be in a position to finish the job.

  65. 65
    My deepest sympathies to all who know him says:

    Still, there are plenty more potential MPs where he came from.

  66. 66
    Obvious really says:

    What else are you gonna say if you fancy a bit of bl@ck pipe

  67. 67
    dummies R us says:

    But But passing and failing is a 2 tier system!!!!!

  68. 68
    Everyone knows a useless teacher says:

    I would prefer it if we made the teachers pass rigorous exams in their subjects.

  69. 69
    Steve Miliband says:

    The hills are alive with the sound of Eastern European crop pickers

  70. 70
    Lord Stansted says:

    Sod off back to Poland.

  71. 71
    Taxpayer funded Union Rep says:

    She’s a teacher who is employed by the taxpayer to teach except she does not teach as she is a full time union rep.

    These taxpayer funded union reps are now known as Pilgrims, derived from Nurse Pilgrim who is paid to nurse by the taxpayer but does not nurse and spends all he time at work representing her union.

  72. 72
  73. 73
  74. 74

    Quarantine could have prevented many things

    Ralph! Ralph!

  75. 75
    Joe says:

    I believe there’s more to this RBS screw up than they’re telling us, three days this has been going on now.

  76. 76
    We need an honest debate about immigration says:

    I know a Polish plasterer. He’s a really nice guy, very skilled and doing quality work it would take years to train someone else to do to such standards. His wife, who also works, is a data analyst. They have two children and are here for the duration, saving up to buy a home. I have no problem with them. They have never claimed any benefits and are both joining in in their local community.

    I can think of very many people who live near me who could do with emultaing this family. The country would be a far better place, but sadly we have also allowed a lot of useless people to live off the state (british and foreign).

    There are also a lot of people who have come from overseas to commit crimes, which are petty and antisocial, so are never properly punished, but which are on a scale which is clearly not conducive to the public good. The Border Agency do nothing to deal with such petty crooks and magistrates are powerless to recommend their deportation, so we have to wait until they are caught for doing something very serious before anything is done: by which time they may have offended fifty or sixty times and caused untold misery to hundreds of people.

  77. 77
    Gordon Brown says:

    I would like to wish Julie Davies good luck in her teaching career.

  78. 78

    Julie’s logic extended:

    If there are no less intelligent children, it follows there cannot be any more intelligent children.

    Therefore all children must be innately intelligent.

    That being the case, why are we bothering to educate, at enormous cost, any of them?

  79. 79
    Toner Cartridge says:

    No Mr Brown, the problems you and Blair caused are still going on and will take a couple of generations for us to recover from fully, if the nation ever does. You and Mr Blair are two of very few politicans I can think of in modern times who really do deserve the much-thrown around epithet of ‘Traitor’.

  80. 80
    Who? says:

    And she is allowed to spend her time tweeting? That is very strange. Who is her boss?

  81. 81
    Alan Freeman says:

    ‘Greetings, Crop Pickers, ma przyjemny dzień’

  82. 82
    Alan Freeman says:

    They’re going to fit him with one

  83. 83
    will says:

    Dave Lee Travis did more for her with his BBC show than the others did as for bono well he should have been locked up for 18 years to save us from his santimonious twaddle

  84. 84
    will says:

    Thats the problem thye though look at all the votes and have now realised that in places like bradford the labour party is buggered as the likes of george galloway take their seats.

    anyway most EU from the ex communist block are quite right wing so not many votes are thier.

    They should have made gillian duffy immigration minister, she spoke more truthfully than they did, but the guardian and BBC lambasted her.

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    Funny how it’s the credits they can’t process, debits are going through ok.

  86. 86
    Theatre Sister says:

    A real drain on the NHS too. I see more effnics where I work than people born & bred in this Country. We are absolutely inundated with them.

    A lot of them say they don’t spe..a..k. English, but if you tell them they’ll have to wait until an interpreter can be found, it’s like a miracle……………. THEY SUDDENLY FIND THE GIFT OF OUR LANGUAGE.

    Like many have said, it’s far too late now for Milibandwagon to suddenly say there’s too many of them here. When we tried to say it over 13 years, we were labelled r..a..c..i..s..t..s..

    Thanks Leiber barstewards, thanks a lot.

  87. 87
    An Interloper says:

    Changing the subject ; I did not realise till I heard it on World at One that alll ennobled Lords get an expense allowance of THREEHUNDRED pounds a DAY ( !!) just for turning up and signing their names and — technically __ sodding off again .

    So ifsay one Lord Prescott of Jonathan decided to have a day out from his Hull Hell Hole he might just totter down to london on a first class ticket with lunch aboard and al the l trimmingsl ; return cost all in say £100 . Thus for signing his name and getting back onto his amply padded first class train seat back to Hull he has just made £ 200 profit with NO TAX .

    And — lo !!–th
    e next day should he so choose …… he can do it all over again !!
    Not to mention his pension as ex DPM . So why is he greedily hankering for more wonga as elected police chief of some Northern Waste Land pray ??

  88. 88
    Shameless Knob Ed says:

    Yes I know we encouraged mass immigration to harvest votes. But now I think it’s a bad idea because there are more votes in saying it’s bad. And no I don’t believe members of the Labour party should be tried for treason.

  89. 89
    Trahison des Clercs says:

    Too slow, too shallow, eh Ed?

  90. 90
    Trahison des Clercs says:

    Guide us,oh thou great Deceiver, Pilgrim in this benightted land.

  91. 91
    Pilgrim's Regress says:

    We need to use the Tories are “enemies of promise”. It means fuck all but it sounds cosy and progressive.

  92. 92
    Them woz the daze my fren says:

    Yes, uniforms not only ensured there was no visible distinctions in family wealth (especially just after the war) it also made it easy to identify from which school the little buggers swinging on the bus stand and terrorising old ladies on the upper deck came – and thus a quick phone call to the headmaster usually brought swift justice to the culprits. Of course, in those days it was allowed to give the miscreants a clip round the ear or a whack with the slipper (usually one of the miscreant’s own!).

  93. 93
    Them woz the daze my fren says:

    As my aunt Matilda used to say:

    The more you learn, the more you know.
    The more you know, the more you forget.
    The more you forget, the less you know.
    The less you know, the less you forget.
    The less you forget, the more you know.

    So why learn?

  94. 94
    The welcome waggon says:

    You must be new here. Welcome aboard. You will be surprised (but not much after the first monht or so) at what you can learn here. Better than any comprehensive education! (But you might need a good dictionary from time to time).

Seen Elsewhere

Javid: Let Tories Campaign For Out Vote | House
Ministry of Justice Loses Death Inquiry Data “In the Post” | TechnoGuido
Europe’s Crisis is Cameron’s Opportunity | Speccie
Sajid Javid is the Ultimate Thatcherite | Buzzfeed
Ed Argar Selected in Dorrell Seat | Leicester Mercury
88% of New Labour MPs Are Union Bods | Mark Wallace
Massively Popular Porn Site is Infecting Users | Techno Guido
Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
Introducing the New CapX | CapX
Burnham’s Newsnight Debacle Dissected | Dan Hodges
How I Survived Dry January | Nigel Farage

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,715 other followers