The wittiest suggestion wins another copy of D.C. Alden’s “The Horse at the Gates“ – a cracking read. The plot involves a nuclear blast detonated in Pakistan, a car bomb in Downing Street and another in a Luton mosque. Best of luck…
Politicians Made This Mess | Douglas Carswell
Magna Carta – Walking in King John’s Footsteps | Anna Raccoon
How to Stop Reckless Bankers | Guido Fawkes
Tories Double Younger Support | Guardian
Public Prefers Boris to Dave | Times
Osborne Slammed For Bank Interference | FT
Miliband Caught in Syria Trap | Mary Riddell
BBC Has Become Unsustainable | Mark Wallace
I Signed Official Secrets Act for Bilderberg | Watford Mayor
Is There Any Point in G8 Summits? | ConHome
Mercer Declares Payment From Undercover Reporter | Telegraph
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Andrew Pierce on Ed Balls…
“Porky Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls sweet-talked guests at a fund-raising dinner by saying if he wasn’t a politician, he would be a chef. That’s not surprising, since he was accused of cooking the Treasury books when he was Gordon Brown’s boot boy.”
is there anyone in the world that Tony hasnt screwed in some way?
“Nick can do gymnastics, but his party can do the splits…”
Nick attempts to learn some fancy footwork to avoid the prospect of Cable stabbing him from behind…
Or Bryant stabbing his behind?
strictly come prancing….
Following on from last week’s winner
“The crackheads are starting to show in the coalition”.
…just a lurch to left
leaving Dave on the right
with my hands on my ears
the hand that feeds, I bite
it’s the weirdy beardies that really drive me insane,
back to the Time Warp again!
The ethnics in the background: “He’s a Battyboy!”
UEFA to investigate latest bitch invasion.
Crap starts to appear in the coalition.
Tonight Mathew, I’m going to be Louis Spence
Dutch asshole practices his double Dutch
Super sub Nick is brought on for Michael Gove in the final minutes to score a spectacular u turn on education reforms.
“…..and this how far I’m going to put my boot up Gove’s arse!”
(spectator); “I had no idea Gobby Gove’s Gonads could be kicked that far”.
Nick Clegg’s attempt to qualify for the Olympic pole vaulting team sabotaged by a batch of bad polls
But the show must go on !
If you and your partner walk this way I will see to it that you can get married in church ( What a gay day)
Miriam decided to sit the pasa doble out, when Nick insisted it was his turn to lead.
‘Nick suddenly realised that the ‘Coalition Two Step’ requires a dance partner.’
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Lib Dem Foxtrot…
Slow..Slow..No, No, No.
And this is how you practice pistol shooting in Great Britain without a handgun: you grab the bullet, you take a runup and then you throw it!
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl …
So this is the cloak the EU Emperors wear?
He shoots, he misses.
“then you swing the left leg around, and that George, is how you do a U-turn”
Cleggy loosens up for his “Strictly” audition.
And left and right, Pirouette then jazz hands!!!!!!
This the dance move I intoduced to dave
Bloody hell – ANton du Beke’s let himself go.
Tell me about it
**applause**
applause meant for L.Q by the way!
+1
A strictly c##t dancing
DPM auditions for Strictly Come Duncing
Nonenity auditions for Strictly
His name was David, he wore a diamond
He was escorted to his chair, he saw Nicky dancin’ there
And when he finished, he called him over
But David went a bit too far, Nicky sailed across the bar
And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gun shot
But just who shot who?
“It’s just a jump to the left….” Nick’s audition for the “Coalition Horror Picture Show” fails to impress the crowds.
“..And then a scare of ‘Far-Right’.
With your hands on your hips,
Bring student fees up tight.
But it’s the public’s trust
That really drives you insane
Let’s do that slime Wark’s refrain
Let’s do that slime Wark’s refrain..“
you can’t be a leftie that actually funny
Thats how you stick the boot in
This is the first move of the libdem formation dance team
You know what happened in Sarajevo a few years after Torvill and Dean made it big there? Gvie it a couple of months, and it won’t bet so much “Call Me Dave” as “Call Me Radovan”
sidestep, dribble, own goal!
nick clegg’s guide to party leadership
Strictly Come Dancing contestant loses partner
why is the guy in yellow tweaking his nipple?
18 …because no on offered to do it for him?
Another difficult decision neatly side stepped!
Just move Gove a little to the left will you?
Clegg demonstrates how Liberal Democrats participate in a coalition: Twist & Shout.
or..
Nick Clegg swerves around the tricky question of “Do you think Vince Cable is barking mad?”
+1
Clegg launches UK’s bid for cut-price Winter Olympics
man loses dancing partner after split
And this is how I sidesteped the raging bull
“If the legs go left, and the body goes right, we can never be accused of U-turns again!”
“You put your right foot in…”
Or
First ever live performance of the Issue Side-Step.
Leaving Cameron to tackle the Argentinian Tango, Nick waltzes off!
Altogether now: “Anything Vince can do, I can do better..”
You put your left leg in, You put your left leg out, In, out, in, out, shake it all about.
You do the Hokey Cokey and U-Turn around
That’s what Coalition is all about
Avoiding hot water- Synchronised swimmer practices her moves on land.
“Ït will be all night on the right” she says.
My nuclear option has gone off in my pocket
Cleggy cuts it fine for the gay marriage vote
Libdem leader on thin ice!
Limbering up for the LibDem downhill formation wanking team!
This brazilian really chaffs
+1
Allo vera perhaps
I don’t fancy ya, dummy, yer not me type…
I now demonstrate the “sitting on fence” move – a must for all Liberals.
People were stunned as yet again Clegg made a Jeremy hunt of himself
Nick demonstrates how to avoid the invisible Bull…………
Spot the useless ballbag competition.
And so you see kids, in this position I look like I am going somewhere, but I am neither on the left of the line, nor on the right of the line. And if I can hold this pose for four years , I get to become European de-commissioner.
Spot the ball(s-up).
Clegg crosses everything in vain hope
Every time I try a step to the right, I seem to go left.
“Look – No Balls!!”
There’s only one Main Loony.
“You put the far left leg in,
Put the far right leg out
Do the hokey kokey and u turn about
thats what its all about
Oh-ho the coalition….etc
You see I can walk and think at the same time.
The D.P.M. demonstrates that the cuts to dancing on ice will not impact the show too heavily.
errrrr Guido…YOU CAN “READ”.
Well done
As ever you miss the point of the conversation. You don’t comprehend humour.
You can’t discern that this an item where you need to be witty not just mindlessly partisan.
People with Asperger syndrome can find it harder to read the signals that most of us take for granted. This means they find it more difficult to communicate and interact with others which can lead to high levels of anxiety and confusion.
Seek help Snotty. It will only get worse otherwise
+2 Winner
Now SAS teacher has told you once not to show off, now back to the classroom and take your two daddies socialist butt plugs off the desk
David suggested to be admired I should Hang sum shoe see.
Too clever – you’re wasted here.
Clegg demonstrates to would be Gliberals , how to sidestep the big issues
Bitch, I’m fabulous.
Clegg denies he ponces about doing nothing
Simple, but effective.
At last , confirmation that Clegg is a Mincer , just like the rest of his party !
Clegg champions equal rights for gay matadors.
Hey, that’s my lefty cause for next week!!
Clegg practices to mingle in with the German army when they finally goose-step their way up Whitehall behind a triumphant Angela Merkel
This is how to dance to the tune of your own party Dave
Basketball game is brought to a standstill by an amazing cracker-ass.
“And that’s the move I made to fake out Dave, who was keeper in that game…I’m still making moves of one kind or another against Dave, that part hasn’t changed!”
Clegg finally passes his ‘O’ level in dancing.
Clegg demonstrates” Policy on the hoof”
Trying to strut like Tony Blair …. (‘doing the tony’)
8illy practicing for his Oh levels. See G – easy
cleggie preparing to kick Gove.
and then misses
catching the Speaker in the balls,
… and making him Grumpy.
…And when I walk like this, the Cabinet know I REALLY mean business.
Singapore is a fascist state!
Must dash. I have to collect my son Tarquin from his private school.
My son Theo was bullied at that nasty private school. He is so much happier in the state system now. Any suggestion that he was too thick to hack it in the private sector is very hurtful and probably not true.
You are all fascist bastards!
As evidence that you cannot be too thick to hack it in the private school sector just one word is needed – Charterhouse.
If you think Charterhouse are thick pop down to Cranleigh. Jesus…………
Onlookers are stunned as LibDem leader Nick Clegg kicks Sir Ming Campbell up the arse
Nick auditions for “The Office:The Musical.”
Choreographer: Not good enough or strong enough for the David Brent part.
Director: OK..Put him down for ‘Gareth Keenan’
Let me entertain you
Mince Clegg
Very good..very good.
Now try it with the hula hoop.
If ya like it, you shudda put a ring on it !
What sort of narcissistic prick puts wonder at the front of your name on twitter
Don’t pupils stand up for teachers anymore?
Russel hall, do you believe what you say? if you do suggest stupid
So….what exactly does a deputy Prime minister do all day?
Pray Mr Quango The Klingons don’t take prisoners.
Same thing a “Minister w/o Portfolio” does, try to act “important.”
If I’se impotent I’se going to act impotent!
highly commended
“I’m dancing the Passa-Gove-Le cha cha cha”
Squeezed middle ignores material discomfort.
I got a CSE in PE you know.
Nobody puts baby in a corner
Zing!
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, diggin’ the dancing queen
Don’t step on the coalition cracks, Nick.
“They don’t call me Snake Hips for nothing!”
Shall we dance?
Here’s a little something I learned from my wife.
You go:
“Hey! Euro, Euro, Euro!”
and then when the Spanish
bullbailout over-charges you bank away while waving a red flag…or a Green flag, or the EU flag – it’s all the same thing really.Nick: “Shut that door!”
“I told you he was a Paneleiro”
My dance partner is so embarrassed to be seen with me, she’s made herself invisible.
Mr Clegg attempts to demonstrate some new gym equipment which has been stolen overnight…
” And THIS is how I am going to confront that Michael Gove when I get back !”
Fellow Texans, I am proudly standing here to humbly see.
I assure you, and I mean it- Now, who says I don’t speak out as plain as day?
And, fellow Texans, I’m for progress and the flag- long may it fly.
I’m a poor boy, come to greatness. So, it follows that I cannot tell a lie.
Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep, now they see me now they don’t-
I’ve come and gone and, ooh I love to sweep around the wide step,
cut a little swathe and lead the people on.
Now my good friends, it behooves me to be solemn and declare,
I’m for goodness and for profit and for living clean and saying daily prayer.
And now, my good friends, you can sleep nights, I’ll continue to stand tall.
You can trust me, for I promise, I shall keep a watchful eye upon ya’ll…
Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep, now they see me now they don’t-
I’ve come and gone and, ooh I love to sweep around the wide step,
cut a little swathe and lead the people on.
Now, Miss Mona, I don’t know her, though I’ve heard the name, oh yes.
But, of course I’ve no close contact, so what she is doing I can only guess.
And now, Miss Mona, she’s a blemish on the face of that good town.
I am taking certain steps here, someone somewhere’s gonna have to close her down.
Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep, now they see me now they don’t-
I’ve come and gone and, ooh I love to sweep around the wide step,
cut a little swathe and lead the people on.
Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep…
And, ooh I love to sweep around the wide step…
Cut a little swathe and lead the people on.
What is it about the word ‘caption’ you don’t understand?
Not sure
Perhaps if My English teachers had done a better job of teaching me English I’d better understand my failings,
What is it about having a bit of fun that you are failing to grasp
The nut cracker ,
There simple
Would you kindly point out the ‘fun’ bit please?
Obviously did CSE’s
Coalition tango: Right goes first, Left holds ground.
Diane Abbott, Polly Toynbee, Francis Gilbert. Did it never occur to them it wouldn’t be hard to find out they sent their kids to private school? How thick can they be to pontificate so loudly despite the risk of being exposed as hypocrites?
It’s not a lack of intellignece at fault here. It’s a lack of integrity.
Nick auditions for the school production of Dirty Dancing to the soundtrack Big Girls Don’t Cry.
NC: I’m chasing European glory.
Nat West denying rumours that their systems have been hacked
that must mean they have and there’s nah fuckin money left
Clegg auditions for ‘Gay’ the musical!
(IT Crowd refernce)
At the Lib Dem, fun day, bowling activity, Nick is determined that for once his performance won’t lead to 7-10 split.
“Hey, I’m doing as the PM tells me, another U Turn”
Rehearsals for “Clogg” the musical.
Rodgered and Hammered time comes to mind
Clegg promoted to Minister of Funny Walks
Look, the fact I’m married to the literary editor of the Murdoch owned The Times and we send our son to private school doesn’t affect my credentials as a true authentic working class socialist crusader against elitism.
Now I must get back to my desk. I need to make a reservation for dinner with my wife tonight at a top restaurant. It’s so nice not to have to dine next to the lower orders, wouldn’t you agree!
Another three points Jeremy?
I made the foolish mistake of riding my miniscule Triumph motorcycle bike thing-me-bob in a bus lane “once or twice” and was castigated by a bus conductor (when they had them…) with his friggin massive dd-decker astride three (or 4 lanes, maybe 5) of a London road….I mean who was blocking who here…??
Where is the humanity?
Indeed, what a waste of good road.
I should be OK – I know how to deal with a Bull market!
And as I minced across the dance floor, I knew that Miriam would soon be mine …
I’ll spin myself round until I’m sick if you support that policy
…and now on Britain’s Got Talent, the interlude.
Then we finish like this. The libdems in the House of Commons will show our anger at the plans by Gove to intoduce O levels, through the medium of dance, as taught in GCSE maths
What a Nonce
I think he looks so sexy. I’d give him my brooch any day!
Shut that door!
“Anything Vince can do, I can do better”
Swinging in the Reign. Nick is our Golden Globes entry.
Music an choreography by Coal Porter
The crowd at the Brazil-Italy youth indoor soccer championships was so low, that the organisers forced the two teams to stay out and watch the halftime entertainment. The BBC later said that they would cease to televise the event.
It takes two to tango Nick.
“Nick Clegg appeared enthusiastic about his role as the star turn at the annual Lib Dem bukkake party.”
Ignore him,he makes a song and dance,about everything.
“Thanks to Lib Dem policies the next election will be decided on penalties. I fancy my chances!”
Clegg reveals a waist of time.
Bitch!
Dance lessons from Vince £50/hour
Loss of dignity…priceless
Rio nightlife- Summit to do
Nick Clegg demonstrates that Lib Dem policy can be outlined through the medium of dance
Nick loses his red rag when he spots Gove’s bull
He was always light in the loafers.
………. and today’s question is:
is there, anywhere, a tory with compassion?
No Bamber, we tories all eat babies, kick our grannies up their arses, and started every war the world has ever know.
We’re pussy cats re*lly!
Well there’s Call-Me-Gutless who seems very keen on camp action, regardless of the many real problems affecting the country.
Clegg shows off his courtship dance, much to the annoyance of the junior basketball team
Sickly done prancing??
Freak dancing.
Nick dances “The Nutcracker.” Tchaikovsky turns in his grave.
Clegg: Of course, we wouldn’t have to play “pretend” football, if one of you bastards hadn’t nicked the ball.
Nick Clegg demonstrates just how it was that he was able to persuade 33 women to shag him…
Oi! You wouldn’t be related to that MP Brennan, the one that can’t do HIS sums correctly either?
Clegg steps over the line again
Clegg practises his matadorial skills for his next meeting with Cable.
This is how I do a u turn
“I bet Cable wishes he could move like this”
No Nick, the Brazillians were asking about Clog dancing.
His body goes in two directions at once. Definitely a Liberal Democrat!
Nick Clegg demonstrates austerity football. It’s just like regular football but without the expensive ball.
Auditions for the role of Peter Mandelson new lover take a surprising turn.
its ballet you see, if i spin round you can’t see my many faces
Rio, I’m in Rio,
And my heart’s so full that I can hardly speak.
Yet, I seem to find the happiness I seek,
When I’m meeting folks who all agree with Nick.
Oh, I love to climb a mountain,
And reach the highest top.
But it doesn’t thrill me half as much
As much as seein’ a biofuel crop.
Oh I hate to go out fishin’
In a non-sustainable creek.
But I’ll sit down and fill my face
With five star Sole Veronique.
Tax fund me,
I want my claws into you,
The cash that falls due
Will carry me to -
The EU, I want the EU
To Commission there is the job I really seek,
And once I’m there I’ll find within a week,
A new bunch of folks who all agree with Nick.
With apologies to Mr Berlin.
Another one who doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘caption’.
And one who cannot understand “wittiest suggestion” or “competition”. If you want Pedant’s corner go to Private Eye.
Tosser!
Don’t start your sentences with a conjunction.
Verrrry good
“Haters gonna hate”
LibDems find it difficult to find enough players for their five a side football team.
Commentator: And the ball’s gone high, wide and not so handsome”.
England supporters: “Euro’s shit and you know it isssss”
European XI supporters: “You’ll never beat Merkozy, you’ll never beat Merkozy!”
Twister is a very silly game. Now I am stuck like this!
Clegg swings to he right while looking left.
Tango Quango!
Too deep for the moderator . Rio / Ferdinand/ Gráss?
The UK rehearses its one final desperate attempt to achieve more than 1 point at Eurovision 2013….”It’s fun to play at the Y-M-C-A”
“E-U-S-R”, shurely.
P a t i e n c e G r a s s h o p p e r. Don’t look for láwn
As the Coalition enters its third year, Nick stumbles wide of the thin blue line.
A bit old but but you’ve just caught my eye!
The new Greek finance minister has collapsed and been taken to hospital…
I guess he took a look at the books then.
Clegg takes lessons in how to deliver a good kicking before flying home to face Gove.
I notice that the BBC have been very kind to Red Ed’s speech on immigration today. Unlike when it’s a Tory the BBC wheel out all the usual left wing mongs to attack them and brainwash us with how wonderful diversity is.
The worst the BBC said about Red Ed was some of what he said was a bit ‘woolly’
Wow, I bet the Tories would love it if the BBC said their speech on immigration was a bit ‘woolly’ and not racist like they normally do.
Nick Clegg, having finally snapped from trying to think in two directions at once, shows off the new “neither right nor left” official walk of the Liberal Democrats party to their remaining nine members.
I’m Burlington Bertie I rise at ten thirty
and saunter along like a toff
I walk down the Strand with my gloves on my hand
Then I walk down again with them off
I’m Bullingdon Georgie, I’m ever so haughty
I saunter along like a yob
I stroll down the Mall with DC whose my pal
because I’m just a quite awful snob
I’m George , George
My daddy’s a lord whose tax records are a bit rum
But everyone knows all I can do is pose
Cos I’m George and I’m ever so dumb
His name was Tristram
He was a w****r…
He envied everyone who’s rich
‘Cos he’s such an evil bitch
And when he posted
It was pure hatred
Revealing jealousy and spite
To everbody on the site…
Ah, anonotroll. If you don’t like the truth you are probably in the right party (in both senses).
Another tosser!
‘who’s my pal’.
Educated under Labour.
Conceded. Not sure what it says about me having attended on of the direct grant grammar schools that consistently comes in the top few in league tables!
“attended one” – can’t type either.
Hah! 180° off in the wrong direction. How like a socialist.
Nick winning trust at the local sports center-come-mosque:
“Come on, everybody make a circle and join in
Hava nagila
Hava nagila
Hava nagila ve-nismeḥa…”
Nick was sure that his devastating tango would sweep Kirchner off her feet for long enough to allow him to equilibrate on foreign affairs…
Nick shows that when one can afford the finest hand crafted leather shoes, one does not need blades to skip gracefully across the ice, camp but not damp.
Liberal split decisions. Huhning his technique
HS2 kicked into long grass.
Coalition partners practice their most elegant lurch to the left.
Pip implant slips under exertion.
Silicont?.
Shurely you meant “Sillic’unt”
Lib Dem donkey mascot misses shot at open goal.
Cυnt Rio Dancng
Belly and the jets
Nick examines his carbon footprint
“Down on your heels and up on your toes,
Stay after school and learn how it goes,
That’s the way we do the Varsity Drag!”
Right foot 2 stomps, left foot 2 stomps
Slide to the left, slide to the left wing
Clegg practices for his prorogation dance with squeaker Bercow
Nick tries to appeal to the Gay Vote but instead attracts a Flock of Sheep
That reminds me, I must buy a new belt.
Ah, another Tory policy kicked into touch…
“Clegg walks away after receiving a savage bare bottom spanking from Cameron.”
Example:
Spanking starts at 1:35.
Yellow Belly Dance
‘Cant’ think, can’t win, can bullshit a little’
Gobby Gove’s school report?
Nick does Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean.
David Cameron ain’t my lover,
He’s not even my brother,
I am the one,
The one that won’t last long.
Cleggover gets his leg over
Nick takes his O level dance exam too seriously.
Nick pips Cable for stricktly come dancing spot.
Lib Dem leader is in Limbo.
I warned you: don’t f*cking mess with me, Lembit.
Twistin’ and a-turnin’, twistin’ and a-turnin’, that’s what us LibDums like to do!
Clegg reemphasises his support for A levels
Cleggoverture.
“Where’s the bog, I’m dying for a shit’.
“I’m doing the shit kickers waltz”.
All together now:
I don’t want to play in your yard,
I don’t love you any more,
You’ll be sorry when you see me
Swinging on my garden door._
You can’t come and pick my pansies,
You can’t climb my apple tree,
I don’t want to play in your yard
If you won’t be good to me.
And the final entrant in the ‘best in show’ category is Cleggy and his owner, David
Gym ‘ll fix it
Cock performs courtship display for voters.
You should have used this one Guido, he’s got the yellow squad behind him.
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/07GL5mg7kY6wz/610x.jpg
Gutted!
In a bizarre and unexpected twist, Clegg swings to the right.
‘I’m the only cockashun in the team’.
O/T but hilarious
http://www.imademyexcusesandstayed.co.uk/
Calamity Cloggs!
O/T
Anyone bank with RBS/Natwest? Oops.
That’s what happens when you offshore all the IT staff. Last few UK based ones left about a month ago.
I wonder if any old timers are back as consultants for £1k/hr now?
3 months calling offshore BT broadband call centre was like and episode from ‘The IT crowd’ – have you tried switching it on and off?
Complained and onshore call centre sent engineer round the next day
Send the bank. a letter of complaint.
Charge them £12 for it too.
It’s just a jump to the left.
And then a step to the right.
Christ I’m pissed.
1. Keep left foot back as close as possible to blue line.
2. Stretch right foot forward but keep in air.
3. Screw upper body round to the left.
5. Check for damage to tight trousers .
The tail wags.
Coalition not split on gay marriage
No comment, just wanted to add that every time I see this weasel-like privileged, self-important, charlatan, I have the urge to punch him in the face until my fists are reduced to bloody stumps.
I think he’s quite a dish actually!
Did your dad get that black spot I sent him?
Yes he did Long John, and I have to tell you he’s not very well at all!
It’s ok dear. As a member of the Buggers Nutters and Perverts your fists won’t reach round your gut. Of course they may already be bleeding stumps from scraping along the ground.
Is that the Leiber Party you’re describing Tristram? Thought so.
So people that despise Clegg are ‘Buggers Nutters and Perverts’? Don’t see the correlation myself, but then you lefty liberals are a source of mystery to me.
No. People who threaten violence to political opponents are usually members of the Buggers Nutters and Perverts. I’ve had personal experience of them but never found one with the guts to back up words with action.
Just for clarification since some seem to think I am a lefty – I am probably the only true radical here, believing in minimum government across everything including the economy and social matters. Such beliefs hardly go well with the left.
anger manegment was a dead loss then
“…It’s just a move to the left”
Nick Clegg completely miscues his Harry Worth impersonation.
The only ‘Discuss’ thrower in the cabinet.
The best ‘Discuss ‘ thrower in the Cabinet
Clegg practising to become a matador when his current job comes to an end in 2015.
Why is the Queen going to shake hands with that mu..r..d…e…r…o…u..s.. b*stard Martin McGuiness? We owe the Irish sod all, It’s not our fault that their spuds rotted.
If vince can do it I can win it!!!
Nick practises for next year’s Eurofission (oops!) Eurovision.
He flew to Rio and he watches from the stands,
as important people sort out the task at hand
Michael Flatley auditions for DPM
Messi’s appearance altered by treatment. Much taller, but now crap.
Just another basket case.
Cameron’s fag can score own goals too!
Minister for silly walks.
Nick skips the white line in front of him to go for something a bit softer
Government campaign highlights dangers of inbreeding.
If we photoshop Vince’s head on it might look like he had finally mastered the rumba….
I’ve had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it’s the truth
And I owe it all to you
‘Cause I’ve had the time of my life
And I’ve searched through every open door
‘Til I found the truth
And I owe it all to you
Nick shows Britain’s young race walking hopefuls how it’s done.
“Crimestoppers UK” Recognise this man. He’s wanted for Fraud and False representation. Phone anonymously 0800wedon’tspeakenglish.
P.S. He’s not dangerous, so have a go if you want.
Left, Left, – Left, Left, Left
… thought they said ‘poof’s football’!
Clegg’s show how the last leader of his party used to walk at 3:00 in the afternoon
Mastered it! The Simon Hughes Mince with the Charles Kennedy Sway and the Mark Oaten Wiggle – all in one!
This is how to do an about turn, Dave Dave where for art thou.
Johnnie Walker (Blue Label) blights the LibDem leadership again!
It has been a problem for Deputy PMs ever since Willie Whitelaw stored an entire years production in the office.
As Cleggie tried to kick Jeremy Hunt he ended up scoring yet another own goal
” This is how I walk when nobody is looking “
“His name was Nick, he was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in his hair and a dress cut down to there….”
I’ll let Bazza do the rest…
That is sick (introducing Blandy Marilow that is).
Clegg receives a standing ovation from Gove after he passes his O’level in Mincing.
I’m off to the pub!
“and this penalty against Italy gets us a semi….even Pele cant one of those now!”
get
Get In…
Nick Clegg – Demonstrates how his ‘spinning technique’ has now elevated him to the No 2 position in the UK’s ‘league of men’ who ‘spin’.
Walking without backbone
Well, I can do O Level Latin, but my spectators haven’t the rhythm for a CSE.
I don’t just twist as deputy prime minister ………
I am not a ponce, but if I keep mincing like this maybe the Euro boys will give me Mandy’s old Commissioner job.
‘Swing to the left, swing to the right, and back to the left again…’
Party Rot Anthem
After all those years of sitting on the fence, he decides to come out of the closet.
The full Cleggover requires deep concentration and a ten-yard approach.
” Seventy-nine percent of three women saw an immediate improvement “
I plan to come out at my 95th birthday party.
Vaslav Nijinsky-Cleggova
Clegg prepares for his future career as a matador.
… without bull on H&S advice.
Mat at door perhaps
The nearest the DPM comes to no bull
You do the hokey kokey and you turn around,
Thats what its all about,
Oh hokey kokey kokey!
Oh teach me how to jitter-jive, just like you black folks do
Then I could step and strut and slide, away from Cameron’s poo.
I think he’s ten pin bowling
Clegg: strike missed, good chance of a split
Prick kicks ball.
As opposed to shadow cabinet meetings where pricks kick Balls.
Left leg forward and right leg back. Explains the direction the coalition lacks.
“And this is how the Lib Dems would re-balance the economy if it weren’t for the Tories….”
Roller skates!? I don’t need no stinking roller skates … !
Shall we? Shan’t we? Yes we will!
Clegg: Hey … I can score political brownie points like anyone else.
See, it doesn’t take two to tango.
Gotta be quick, there’s a quid on the floor.
It’s taken over 40 years and a Lib Dem coalition Government to get this done, but I can now proudly confirm that at last, we have a Ministry of silly walks.
Spot the Bollock
Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep
Now they see me, now they don’t, I’ve come and gone
And ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step
Cut a little swath and lead the people on
Ooh, I love to dance a little sidestep
Ooh, I love to sweep around the wide step
Cut a little swath and lead the people on
(With apologies to Charles Durning as the Governor of Texas)
.. and that’s what I call Balling the Jack (Straw)
After putting the ball in the back of the net, “Shagger” Clegg turned to his boys with a knowing smile and said “That wasn’t the first time I’ve scored today.”
Nice goal shot, but somebody should have told him this is a basketball court.
There is no problem so big or so complicated that I can’t dance my way around…
Spin doctor practising his reign dance [just in case]
leap year
Back to the 1960′s as Nick Clegg does his impression of Chubby Checker “Let’s Twist Again”
The twit from Ipanema
And when he passes, each one he passes goes – ooh ……..get him
Or ” ooh err “
Anything Vince can do I can do better – I can do anything better than Vince!
And we now go live to the German youth football championships, where we’re getting word that Nick Clegg, special guest of the German president, has apparently run onto the pitch…
“Hey Merkel, see this? That’s your lot going down the Champs Elysses in 1940, that is!!! HURRG HURHHH, I’m completely maddddd, you know, dribble dribble, oooooh oooooh, Springtime for Hitler and Germany, wibble, wibble”
Cleggie demonstrates the open toe sandal shuffle…
Cleggers tries to appeal to floating voters!
“Next up it’s a Mr George Osborne with ‘Weapon Of Choice’”
I am sure that Vince said this was the correct step
I”ll dance to any tune
Nick amazes fellow delegates with his version of carbon neutral power walking
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/19/Punch_Swazzle_Thats_the_way_to_do_it.ogg
I put my right foot in
I put my right foot out
In out, in out
Shake it all about …………..
I hope you enjoy my new energy saving basketball dance moves?
I need an alternative career as I am making so many enemies in the current one in politics.
“I put my left Clegg in, my right Clegg out, in out, in out, shake it all about …”
Cleggy performs the twist and turns required to be in coalition with Tory liars.
Dave the tory-a-dor. The cape is imaginary, but the bull is real.
Look, I can go both ways at the same time
It’s rumoured that Nick Clegg is starring in “Saturday Night Fibber!”
Saturday Night Fumbler
Cum Dancing.