June 11th, 2012

Portland Lobbyist Alastair Campbell Slags Off Firm’s Star Client

Guido is not quite sure why Apple will bother to retain Portland for thousands per month when one of their big name fixers takes to Twitter to lambast the company to his 150,000 influential followers:

Maybe Campbell should have picked up the phone…


  1. 1
    50 Calibre says:

    Perhaps his iMac dislikes him sufficiently to take unilateral action. Can’t blame it really…

  2. 2
    jockox3 says:

    Fortunately for Apple, anyone sensible is going to do exactly the opposite of that tosser.

  3. 3

    He should speak to Rihanna…

  4. 4
    Disgusted, Purley. says:

    Alister! it knows you are a lying arse licking two faced cock sucking money grubbing traitor.

  5. 5
    Bottler Brown says:

    Gordon’s late, probably stuck on the crapper or Sarah is pleading with him to come out of the corner and go before the judge.

  6. 6
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The BBC’s Ross Hawkins is trashing Geoerge Osborne already. Osborne is not due to give evidence until later today. Meanwhile Hawkins tells us how perfect labour are.

  7. 7
    misterned says:

    I just replied to his tweet,
    “Christ, Apple products must be more intelligent than I thought! It must know who you are!”

  8. 8
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Campbell, it’s because you are a useless twat.

  9. 9
    Steve Miliband says:

    Gordon’s Nokias were made of rubber

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Well it can’t be that the batteries flat…

    We all know you get free electric!

  11. 11
    Brown loses it again says:

    I notice today’s Leveson session is starting later than usual. Is it pure coincidence that this lateness coincides with Brown attending? Has he been throwing another of his tantrums? Did security try to take his Nokia from him?

  12. 12
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Will Sarah appear for him, as per the labour party conference. I wonder if the court security have taken Brown’s mobile phone from him.

  13. 13
    it's gordons fault says:

    its because they can’t understand him shouting in his stupid burnley accent – what a wan**er

  14. 14
    Not surprised says:

    Why tweet about it?

    No doubt Apple have a team monitoring t’interweb for these kind of things but surely the answer would be to return said item to the retailer involved in the original purchase and have it looked at….or perhaps he’s too important to do that.

  15. 15
    Sandra says:

    I saw Campbell out & about recently.

    He looked haggered. Haunted.

    Like a man who knows that his actions have caused untold misery & slaughter to millions.

    It was all over his face. That million yard stare.

    I wonder if he was thinking about all those Iraqi parents jet washing what remained of their children off what remained of their homes?

    If there is a hell……

  16. 16
    Sham marriage says:

    Poor Sarah. She hasn’t had to accompany her contractual husband in public since the Queen’s speech a few months ago. I wonder how much she gets paid for having to pose as his wife?

  17. 17
    LondonStatto says:

    Serves him right for buying an Imac.

  18. 18
    Steve Miliband says:

    Read the instruction manual?

  19. 19
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Campbell – too driven by money. You fucking hypocritical arsewipe scumbag Campbell. You talk shit and are shit.

  20. 20
    White Van Stan says:

    The iMAC probably has its Dodgy Dossier Detection Software switched on.

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    He didn’t pay for it! Can’t take it back…

  22. 22
    I don't need no doctor says:

    It auto switches off whenever a liar holds it.

  23. 23
    The Biased Leveson Inquiry says:

    Leveson is deliberately shortening Gordon’s witness time. IT STINKS

  24. 24
    Not surprised says:

    Oooh! I found a website that says “Apple products come with 90 days of complimentary technical support and a one-year limited warranty.”

    It seems to be run by a company called Apple and has all sorts of information on it about support, repair and returns and wait, they have a phone number as well…!

  25. 25
    Mornington Crescent says:


  26. 26
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Lovely smile Mr Brown, one of many we hope.

  27. 27
    David Laws Lib Dem Fiddler says:

    Too driven by money.. That is rich coming from him when Blair sells his soul for silver at the expense of others who died and were maimed for his vanity and greed. Campbell was recently abroad on a Blair venture in a questionable country with a questionable leader.

    Proper investigation required into the Iraq war and all who played a part should be investigated for war crimes. No more sham inquiries like Chillcott etc.

  28. 28
    Jimmy says:

    This enquiry is not about Gordon. It is about Tory sleaze.

  29. 29
    Steve Miliband says:

    Thank Christ we don’t see Gordon any more. 2 minutes at Levenson and I am reminded of his idiocy

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    Just heard about Dave leaving his daughter in the pub ‘accidentally’.

    For fcuk’s sake Dave, leave this nonsense behind. All the trips to Ibitha and shit like this and you’ll still be percieved as a posh boy.

    Worst case scenario, people will think your incompetence in office extends to your private life and that you’re a complete fcuk up.

    Lots of Tory MP’s in marginal seats are going to lose those seats because of you.

    Concentrate on growth in the economy – and stop blaming Europe, no one buys it. You didn’t buy it when Brown tried this.

  31. 31
    Fish says:

    Gordon on the stand. Warning! Uuuurgh from the outset

  32. 32
    Gawd Help US says:

    Will somebody shut him up?

  33. 33
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Brown wants an internet tax.

  34. 34
    do me a favour says:

    No it’s about phone-hacking which happened during Labour’s time in office when Blair, Brown and their wives were bosom buddies with Murdoch and his staff.

  35. 35
    Disgusted, Purley. says:

    Thanks for that info Sandra, that has cheered me up to know this criminal liar is suffering like B LIAR.

  36. 36

    Jimmy Gordon Brown????

    Had not thought of that before…

  37. 37
    Barry says:

    “Too big and too driven by money”. And that’s a criticism from Alastair Campbell?

  38. 38
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    Jimmy has been brainwashed. He is incapable of distinguishing reality from fantasy. Like the majority of Guardian readers.

  39. 39
    Cider drinker says:

    No doubt he’lll arrange for the Imac to talk a walk in the woods soon……………

  40. 40
    misterned says:

    You must get your news from the appallingly corrupt BBC, Jimmy.

    In truth, this inquiry is not about tory sleaze. It is about destroying one of the BBC’s commercial rivals and dumping the shit on the tories in the process.

    Even though the actual hacking took place across the whole of fleet-street, including the Guardian and the Mirror, Alongside the Murdoch press, and it all happened in labour supporting papers when labour where in power under labour’s nose and with the top of the labour government being intimately involved with these labour supporting and Murdoch owned papers, even to the extent that they allowed Alistair Campbell to write leaders and headlines, and labour did NOTHING to stop the hacking or the corruption, and arguably engaged in it and encouraged it for political gain. They refused to have inquiries into it when allegations were repeatedly made about hacking and when they had the power to do so.

    Now that Cameron has put a stop to it all and ordered an inquiry, he is getting the shit for all the stuff that happened on labour’s watch, encouraged by the BBC who have turned their coverage of this inquiry into a vendetta against a commercial rival.

  41. 41
  42. 42
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Does it only switch itself off again when Alistair Campbell switches it on? I think I may have found the solution…

  43. 43
  44. 44

    One In
    One Out
    I/O tax – can hear him saying it.

  45. 45
    Popeye says:

    Too big and driven by money, a bit like Campbells head and morals then?

  46. 46
    ttreen says:

    It’s undoubtedly the ‘PICNIC’ virus…

    Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

  47. 47
    Archibald The Dog says:

    Watching the ex Prime Mentalist at Leveson. Speaking as a dog: if I ever come across him I have permission to rip his lying throat out.

  48. 48
    The Chief Executive and The Monitoring Officer Portsmouth City Council says:

    If it is 6 weeks old, it is still under warranty. I know Campbell is a bit thick, the machine is obviously defective, but if he calls Apple they will send someone out to fix it, he can the extend the warranty to infinity by taking out ‘Apple Care Protection Plans.’ I have owned an IMac for three years with no problems whatsoever.

  49. 49
    Steve Lloyd says:

    Go for it Archie, have your escape route planned first though.

  50. 50
    The cunt of Monte Cristo says:

    Remember Dr Kelly

  51. 51
    Cameron's Cat says:

    A computer that is dodgier than the WMDs dossier.

  52. 52
    Classic Denial from the Man who thinks he actually saved the World !!!! says:

    Is it me or is Brown’s Evidence totally surreal ? Great entertainment all round…

    Apparently the reason that Sarah continued to meet with Rebekkah after The Sun published details of his son’s Cystic Fibrosis(he categorically contradicted Brook’s Evidence givenon Oath)and actually gave held her 40th Birthday at Chequers is that Sarah is one of the most charitable and forgiving persons imaginable…He greatly admires Roop the person as someone who comes from a strong Presbytarian background klike himself….and intimates it’s ALL James’ fault ?….totally disagrees with Mandelson’s views that labour too close to Murdoch’s….I had very little to do with them he says during period 1997 -2007.well there you are all explained…now on to attacking the Conservatives’ links to News International

  53. 53
    Norfolk's Finest says:

    This coming from a man who’s ‘line to take’ included the exhortation for people to become ‘filthy rich’ because ‘New Labour’ had no problems with it.

    Perhaps like the rest of the world, when he gets a problem with a computer, he should call an expert rather than just rant and rave. Maybe he’s got a related child he can call on for advice, kids usually know how to fix computers.

  54. 54
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Only 2 things you need to know before buying a computer.

    1. Avoid Apple at all costs.

    2. Avoid Dell at all costs.

  55. 55
    Spiegel says:

    Maybe Uk could learnsomething from this.


  56. 56
    Raise the telly tax says:

    You forgot to say, avoid Microsoft at all costs.

  57. 57
    Central Office stooge says:

    This is his modus operandi, Norfolk. Grab the public agenda with smears first, then move onto the telephone bullying afterwards.

  58. 58
    Stephen Fry says:

    Apples are so intuititive that they do not need instruction personuals silly!

  59. 59
    keredybretsa says:

    Ohhhhhh Alissssstair………tooooooo big and only hinterested in MONEY!!!

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    Perhaps Campbell is worried what might be found on his hard drive if he took it back to the retailer to be repaired.

  61. 61
    JH says:

    “Why does my iMac switch itself off ehn I switch it on?”


  62. 62
    Bombus Hypnorum says:

    Oh Jimmy, YAWN

  63. 63
    Bombus Hypnorum says:

    Anybody here seem that chap from the Isle of Man?

  64. 64
    Bombus Hypnorum says:

    err seen

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    Isn’t it called Veet now?

  66. 66
    Will_I--Am Gates says:

    Actually I agree with Campbell.

  67. 67
    15 points lead in the polls means the Brits are nuts says:

    Dear Mr Tourettes Campbell

    The iMac is acting normally. Like most of the British public watching you on TV, it simply switches off immediately.


    Apple Corp

  68. 68
    Baldy says:

    Another 49 wire coat-hangers* ready and waiting.

    (copyright Cherie Blair no, Booth no wait, Blair)

  69. 69
    Baldy says:

    “…strict immigration laws have saved the country [Denmark. Not the UK – hah!] billions in benefits”


    Some immigrants have already turned their back on Denmark voluntarily. Increasing numbers of Somalis are moving away, especially to the UK…”

    Ah! This should make our EU-loving LibLabCon leaders feel warm and cuddly.

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