June 9th, 2012

Saturday Seven Up


406 Comments

  1. 1
    ALI JIZZ,EAR says:

    Good morning all

    • 5
      Saturn says:

      I’m fed up with always being last. can I swap places with the Sun for an orbit or two?

      • 12

        Err! Uranus is even further back. ;-)

        • 26
          Anonymous says:

          says the bum bandit.

        • 44
          Blowing Whistles says:

          To the Scat. Its good to have at least one constant plank on this blog – keep up the wood work. Keep nailing ‘em constantly.

          • Anonymous says:

            He nails ‘em alright the filthy fucker, and he’s a plank, so well done.

          • titter feed says:

            hehe, BW called Sc a plank.

          • Drought Watch 2012 says:

            Day 67 of the great drought of 2012:

            At last it has stopped raining, there is even some sunshine. That makes a total of 4 rainless days. The bad news is the great drought will be back tomorrow, heavy rain is forecast.

          • Gordon Brown says:

            Schrodinger’s Cat gives me the wood.

          • Nick Robinson says:

            Your bottom hole still gives me the wood, sir.

        • 298
          PUPPET MASTERS LIGHT says:

          So Spain is taking a Bailout, sorry LOAN. 100billion. Top prop up the PONZI scheme Banks so they can keep Property prices higher on their books. So that the TOXIC Debt stays in the billions and not tirllions and trillions. Without Growth They cant pay the Debt. So putting off the Collapse is only a matter of time, while the Spanish people are forced into more Debt.

          Scum bag political elite created this Economic downturn and they expect the people to Bail them out. Coming here Soon. Oh by the Way how is the War going?? Peace time Deficits??? ha hahah ahhahahhaha

      • 193
        what is more important?.... says:

        .
        Tony Blair the Mystic or Tony Blair the surgeon with blood on his hands.
        .
        .
        He surgically tried to change this country.

        what did the Beeb have in mind when it gave him an opportunity to comment on the Queen.

  2. 1
    Xenocrates says:

    Where are you?

  3. 4
    a non says:

    Dead heat?

    • 35
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Hold all tickets pending Stewards’ enquiry.

    • 110
      Hal Loomy says:

      I’ll bet Guido wrenched his daughter’s laptop from her just as she was in the middle of something important on Faceache, typed a comment on her’s and his own computer and then simultaneously pressed ‘submit’ to huge imaginary applause. Very cheesey.

      • 139
        Little Miss Fawkes says:

        Spot on. Nail on head etc. Then he did his oh-so-cool NOT dance around the kitchen in his budgie-smugglers, everything wobbling like jelly, until me and my friend Amanda pretended to vomit everywhere and he gave my computer back, sat down and wrote another comment to himself.
        I wasn’t looking at Facebook, BTW. Daddy told me to stay away from there unless I wanted to get acne, whatever that is. I was actually on e-Bay selling some gold coins.

      • 231
        Hugh Gahoudi says:

        Eh? 110

  4. 6
    Sally joins the Island Girls says:
    • 9
      Butterfly Flap says:

      This creature is a trougher cashing in on her husband’s holding of a public office. Almost as awful as that Fergie woman.

      • 160
        Anonymous says:

        Sally, pleeeeeze don’t come back. Parliament stinks enough without you wafting your arse around, so go & stink somewhere else out.

      • 295
        Jimmy says:

        Our Sally is the future of defunct anglo saxon losers. Get used to it.

        • 303
          Archer Karcher says:

          Ooooh racist too Jimmy? How very socialist “progressive” of you.

    • 10
      Lembit's cheeky dildo says:

      She can stay there and get split by Mandingo instead of dwarf lobbing his sausage down the Mall.

    • 64
      South of the M4 says:

      Travel eh? I guess your credentials are that you are an expert on the gravy train.

    • 72
      ALI JIZZ,EAR says:

      Will you be taking your Pikey fuck buddy with you ?

    • 189
      Blowing Whistles says:

      So – Sally’s being slowly ‘Institutionalised’ in the sex and travel game – hopefully she will get the message and soon FO then.

    • 321
      Hang The Bastards says:

      Who is paying for this odious cow to go ?

      I would happily donate the full fare if the stupid dumb piblicity seeking bint promised not to come back.

      I wonder how cuckold Bercow will feel about Sally getting stuffed by some big black Barbadonian

  5. 7
    Number 7 says:

    Firther to “Guardian Exodus” in Seen Elsewhere:-

    http://www.facebook.com/giveuptheguardian

  6. 8
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Two number 1 comments. Is that a first? The wonders of modern technology.

  7. 14
    National Socialist says:

    “Putting an individual through university generates £227k for the economy.”

    Tony Blair was right on this one.

    • 15
      Barrow Boys rule says:

      Alan Sugar generates rather more than that. Shows what a waste of dosh University is.

    • 16
      Disgruntled Sheffielder says:

      Not working in a call centre at 5p over minimum wage it doesn’t!

    • 17
      pundit says:

      Both Blair and Brown went to university. They were both immense for the economy.

      • 38
        Blowing Whistles says:

        A bit of clarification needed there Pundit.

        They were both immense for their puppet masters who control the economy – Stupid.

        They control the economy, the political pygmies, the lobbyists and the excessively greedy interest rates.

        • 99
          AC1 says:

          >excessively greedy interest rates

          1% too much for you???

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            AC1 you appear to be a bit of a ‘trool’ with your reply. RU(ssia) One of them who are only online to ‘distract’ and decieve – where does your little 1% figure come from – if not from those who want to decieve?

            AC1 – who are you Alistair Campbell1, Alternating Current1, A C***1?

          • anon says:

            nah he’s a fully paid up member of the ‘run my own business my way’ school where everybody else if fucked over so he can make a tidy profit – he’s very clever for a nazi you know what i mean

          • AC1 says:

            How dare you accuse me of being a socialist.

      • 42
        annette curton says:

        Minus £227 Billion, what went wrong there?.

        • 92
          Blowing Whistles says:

          In 2007 (to be corrected if wrong) Britain paid back its last War Loan for WW2.

          Surely some number cruncher can come up with the ‘total’ paid back – year upon year for some 60 years … and what of the interest rates?

          Follow the money – as they can’t deny (Watergate) – who got the money? Who’s been benefitting ‘financially’ from all who got involved?

    • 18
      Adolf Hitler aka Der Führer und Reichskanzler says:

      I was a National Socialist once.

    • 46
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      It’s doing no harm to the professors’ and administrators’ economic situation, at any rate.

  8. 20
    Anonymous says:

    It depends on what course you do at University. Some fat dyke who studies gender politics and then gets a 60K job working for Hackney Council as a Lesbian adviser doesn’t produce any wealth or anything useful.

    Even a halfwit Guardian reading idiot should know that.

    • 22
      All our check-out operators have degrees....makes you proud to be British says:

      Equally when you graduate you find that there are no jobs available and if you are lucky you might end up working p/time as a shelf stacker at minimum wage..a job you could have got at 16 without the expense or bother of going to uni at all……

      • 32
        wahy you've never had etc says:

        At least you’re now educated to the extent that you’re aware how much shit you’re in, and therefore how fucking miserable you should be.

    • 67
      Fat Lesbo Dyke in Hackney or your local Town Hall says:

      Oi! – we’re a National Treasure!

    • 77
      The perpetual student watch says:

      Talking of graduations can anyone tell me if Clare Solomons has managed to graduate yet ?

      • 91
        To be fair says:

        To be fair shes doing a degree that takes 20 odd years to complete, still on the plus side it allows her to build a political base by being a full time activist within the NUS , every cloud and all that.

  9. 21
    Golly says:

    I am a British citizen and a Graduate from a British University.

    By choice I do not live in Britain , do not pay taxes there and have spent barely 6 weeks in the country in 10 years.

    Education broadens the mind.

    • 25
      Tomorrow's Chip Wrapper says:

      Obviously when you graduated a degree was worth something

    • 128
      smoggie says:

      Not sure what the point of this post is. I’ve done something similar except that my opinion is the more I travel the more I appreciate Britain. I’m never happier than when I come home on leave even if the weather is shite.

  10. 24
    Reader says:

    a cracking week Guido.

    Good luck on Tuesday :)

  11. 27
    Anonymous says:

    I notice the IPPR isn’t being reported as a ‘left wing’ organisation by the BBC. Why not? They happily report the Tax payers alliance or Migration Watch as ‘right wing’

    • 30
      setting 70% of the media climate says:

      The BBC should report itself as a left wing organisation ffs.

    • 31
      Raving Loon says:

      Because the BBC has a left-wing bias.

      • 33
        Anonymous says:

        I’m sick of their soft left, goody two shoes, self righteous bullshit. Subscription only.

      • 89
        Anonymous says:

        Just like the Cameroons.

      • 259
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Are any of you aware of the other not so well known Bullingdon Club – with its membership list for life. It is a very select little club; it has it’s own original brand and is becoming quite well known. It is a club of noteriety not unlike its other more famous counterpart.

        Membership is exclusive – mind.

        • 318
          anon says:

          nah they dont go in for that sort of thing – they much rather fuck labour over than recognize the nazis for who they are

    • 56

      Do you remember when gu/ido was on {nicky campbell?} the BBC and they introduced him as a right wing blogger.

      “Thanks for inviting me on the left wing BBC.”

      They went totally Nokia over it.

      • 70
        i can well imagine ! says:

        they didn’t offer to give him his own show then?

        • 108
          Forkbender says:

          Why should Guido or his oppo work for the BBC, he works for Dirty Desmond now and Dirty Des has his own TV channel , Ch 5 plus one or two of the other variety, they should see if Dirty Des would like a current affairs/news program hosted by the Two Guidos.

          • I go off on a bender says:

            I’d quite like to see all the various Guidos co-hosting The Wright Stuff with that Matthew wotsisname. He’s had it all his own way for far too long IMHO.

      • 82
        To be fair says:

        To be fair if you recall Nicky Campbell introduced Guido as a Facist .

        • 102
          AC1 says:

          NickC: “I work for the state and would like a bigger state”
          Fascist: “Everything in the state, nothing outside the state”
          Guido: “State’s crap at everything”

          Anyone see which one’s nearer to fascist??

  12. 29
    Welsh Windbreak says:

    Phew. Good to see Wales has performed magnificently in its role as England’s windbreak and flood defence.

  13. 40
    Neo Guido says:

    • 48
      annette curton says:

      Susan Boyles cosmetic surgery has turned out brilliantly, but what has it done to her voice?.

    • 54
      Hariett Hatchetface says:

      This must be banned.

      I will make sure Jacqui Smith’s husband hasn’t got a dvd of it for his late night activities.

      • 194
        Blowing Whistles says:

        If I did what your sister did quite unprofessionally – I would be doing Bird. Proof that there ‘allegedly’ is one rule for them and one rule for t’others. You contemptible witch.

    • 132
      Nigel Farage says:

      Down with this sort of thing!

    • 134
      Be still my beating heart says:

      Enjoyed the unique camera angles in this version of J’en Ai Marre.

      Here’s a new discovery:

    • 155
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      I still haven’t got this spanish tart’s phone number, does anyone know it? I am sure she would like a teddy bear. Here’s one I particularly like. Boaz.

      • 162
        Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler) says:

        Nice one Handy, when are we going to Russia? I can’t wait. Boaz.

  14. 45
    Ed Miliband says:
    • 47
      coming to a pleasant little relaxing football bar soon... says:

      Meanwhile, over at the Euros…

    • 50
      the tolpuddle thickos says:

      These idiots never learn that the general populace do not blame governments in these situations, but the unions. They really are as thick as shit.

    • 84
      The BBC says:

      “Nearly 40% of Unite members working for 21 bus companies voted 94% in favour of strike action.”

      That’s pretty much unanimous, then.

      • 117
        annette curton says:

        About 8% of Bus Drivers in favour of taking strike action then, LOL, don’t you all just love the BBC’s ‘balanced’ use of statistics to support the Crow comrades.

      • 124
        subversive train driver (central line) says:

        What a bunch of lazy fucking wankers. They should try earning a living staring into a huge black hole 8 hours at a time 24/7.
        These c’unts don’t know they was born, FFS. What I’d give to have trees, flowers and topless birds jumping out at me from all angles. Lazy fucks.

      • 130
        Numba kruncha says:

        Bit like that Irish referendum where 50.6% of the population bothered to vote, of which 60% vote for Yes. So that means that only 30% of the population wanted a yes vote and the other 70% seemed to differ. Now THAT’S what you call a mandate (or in Hattie’s case a ‘persondate’).

    • 111
      Forkbender says:

      Who on earth gives a monkeys it is the London Olympic games

  15. 51
    starry beast says:

    Remeber not to buy the star on sunday nor read it online

    • 62
      Or says:

      masturbate in a bus queue

    • 113
      Forkbender says:

      I have never bought it or read it, I think it is one of those rags like the Sun, taken to the toilet, and in days gone by would have been cut into small pieces, a piece of string threaded through the sheets and hung up on a rusty nail .

      • 131
        Hue more us says:

        Ah!! So that’s where the expression “blickballs” came from.

      • 141
        hugh morphry says:

        Ah. Them were the days. I used to enjoy reading the wife’s arsehole whilst giving her a good banging from behind.

  16. 52
    Sean Penny says:

    Free the los malpenis islanders from slavery, man!

    USA, out of the way! You limeys need to let those islander people escape your Imperialistic construct, dude. No representation with intoxication!

    Peru needs to throw your goddam, Stephen Fry, Twinings tea into the sea and set the malpenisies free.

    Woha!

  17. 58

    Hello everyone.
    Spain here.

    Can we have 64 billion euro please. Otherwise the Euro collapses and then how will we manage to ensure an airport in every town and a motorway linking every village.

    We’ll pay you back next week.

    • 60
      eurobillions winner says:

      I’m rich!! RICH beyond my wildest dreams, I tell you!! One main number and two lucky stars. Whooopeee!

    • 63
      Mr Barry O'Drama says:

      And I say to my fellow Amuricans, – the way to beat debt is to spend what you haven’t got. That’s my genius to spot that!

      • 81
        Gordoom Brown MP {part time} says:

        Obama Beach knows his stuff.
        I endorse this message.

      • 116
        Forkbender says:

        Dubya was an expert at spending money that he (the State) had not got

        • 235
          Hugh Gahoudi says:

          old old old FORKY

        • 238
          Hugh Gahoudi says:

          old old old

        • 306
          Archer Karcher says:

          Obumma’s even better than GW at pissing money away and increasing taxpayer debt. A bit like Cameron is regarding Braun. Funny that all this “investing” benefits none but the bankers.

    • 66
      Nigel says:
      • 71
        annette curton says:

        • 239
          Hugh Gahoudi says:

          10 GREEK bottles

        • 296
          The Proverbial Ninety-Nine Bottles Of Beer says:

          We’ve got you outnumbered by about a factor of ten.
          We can afford to match you bottle-for-bottle.
          You’ll “bottle-out” long before we will, HA HA!
          Even if you take one of us down and pass us around, there’ll still be eighty-nine of us when you’re all gone.
          You have no hope of winning unless each of you can take ten of us with you.
          You’re not tough enough to attempt it. (You haven’t the “bottle,” HA HA!)
          We’re not stupid enough to even let you try.
          So long, Ten Green Bottles.
          It was nice knowin’ ya.

      • 105
        AC1 says:

        We must protect bank bond-holders from losing money {they lent at a risk premium} at all {taxpayer}cost!

        Anyone see a pattern??

        • 121
          Forkbender says:

          Yep, it sounds just like the US, UK etc common sense went out of the window and idiocy took its place

          • Archer Karcher says:

            Fascism took it’s place actually. Profit is individual and private, losses are public and social. Page 1 of the fascist handbook.

      • 118
        Forkbender says:

        Nigel old chap why not offer your financial expertise to the Spannish government, if and when you manage to get Spain on the straight and narrow, then and only then will you be trusted with the UK economy.

        • 135
          Hue more us says:

          Sorry, that’s far too difficult for us normal people to understand. Have you ever thought of changing your name to Mindbender?

      • 169
        I don't need no doctor says:

        Farage, yet another spinmeister screwing the system. Just another trougher at the end of the day.

        • 208
          UKIP.I.AM says:

          A trougher (yeah right) who is doing his best to put himself out of a job.

        • 308
          Archer Karcher says:

          He may be, but in his defence, he is also right regarding the moronic EU and has been all along.

  18. 61
    Gordon Brown, shooed away from dustbins at CurrrrrCudeeee Asylum for Idiots and Moral Defectives says:

    I’m looking for my Crown!

  19. 79
    Spingtime for Angela in Germany. says:

    Got to hand it to Frau Merkel. Without firing a single shot.

    She now rules a unified Germany in control of Ireland, Greece, Portugal and Spain, forcing them all to go without while sending the proceeds back to their new motherland. Soon she will have control of Italy, an uneasy but dominant relationship with France and a full on war with the UK. Just like old times.

    • 83

      She already has Italy. Berlusconi went ages ago. To spend more time with his ‘Families.’

      She’s done very well.

      But will need Poland, Norway, Belgium, Holland, Luxembourg, Denmark,Libya,Algeria, Tunisia, Morocco, Ukraine, Finland, Romania, Bosnia, Hungary, Austria, Slovakia, Czech republic, Croatia,Albania, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Macedonia, Serbia, Latvia, Estonia, and France to beat Adolf’s record.

      • 85
        Von Rumpy Pumpy says:

        Yes Bill, but it is only Saturday.

      • 87
        Spingtime for Angela in Germany. says:

        Yes it had just occured tome that the Italians true to form were the first to surrender. Belgium is an odd one but I believe with Herman Achille Van Rompuy on side she already has them in her pocket.

        • 93
          Frankie Hollande says:

          We will hold out for at least 7 days.
          Which is a day longer than last time.

    • 104
      I don't need no doctor says:

      She has ways of controlling Europe.

  20. 86
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The Eurozone crisis.

    While the politicals scratch their heads for a ‘solution’ to the euro and the debts

    Here is the simple solution to their promlem which they don’t want to mention. “Dissolution”

    Dictionary meanings:
    1. the resolution or seperation into component parts; disintegration.
    2. destruction by breaking up and dispersing.
    3. the termination of a meeting or assembly, such as Parliament.
    4. the termination of a formal or legal relationship, such as a business enterprise, marriage etc

    Their ‘partnerships’ – are holed below the bows. The Euro is sunk – it can’t be ‘bailed’ out with fictitious money. The showboating must stop.

    The elephant in the room is “The EU’s still un-audited accounts”.

  21. 94
    Gary Barlow OBE says:

    There should be no reward for failure.

    • 147
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Try Margarte Hodge – for starters – didn’t she fez up at Islington and then as Childrens Minister < Her reward for you guessed it failure.

      And look at her position now!!!
      And her Hubby's a judge!!!

  22. 96
    Ed Miliband says:
  23. 101
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Scum like Sally Bercow actually believe they are doing a worthwhile job. Sad but true.

    • 112
      Sally Ho! says:

      Remind me again – what does she actually do?

      • 119
        Ed Milibanned says:

        Has anyone seen my policy document ? I left it on a sheet here somewhere.

      • 127
        National Socialist says:

        7-up

      • 149
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Isn’t she just an affliction attached to another Berk?

      • 166
        Anonymous says:

        Sal flogs her parts after dark. That way, nobody has to look at her ugly mush. Mind you, she doesn’t earn much.

      • 167
        I don't need no doctor says:

        She wastes tax payers money, along with her numpty of a husband. Clowns!

        • 199
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Houston – we have a breakthrough! “Clowns!”

          At last someone has twigged – that its all one Big (Brother) Circus over at the House of Clowns, (HOC) or is it all a House of Cards – whose foundations are crumbling before our very eyes?

          • Tachybaptus says:

            A house of cards with foundations? Crumbling, even? Built on sand in the air, no doubt.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Tachy … touch … whatever whoever … try: THE CASTLE OF LIES, Ch 13, page 158 to 163.

            After which it states: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.

            It’s Attributed to Abraham Lincoln (1858)

  24. 120
    Ed Miliband says:

    Normal bloke aint i : http://t.co/SnXAEei9

  25. 126
    Sunny says:
    • 150
      Cloudy says:

      We have a tight comments policy aimed at fostering constructive debate.
      We believe in free speech but not your right to abuse our space.
      Abusive, sarcastic or silly comments may be deleted.
      Misogynist, racist, homophobic and xenophobic comments will be deleted.
      Please familiarise yourself with our comments policy.

      *Yawns* Where’s the fun in that, then?

      • 153
        from the litter tray....., says:

        In their own minds, they consider themselves “intellectuals” whereas, in reality, they’re a bunch of PPE tutus who know nothing of life outside the classroom.

      • 170
        Blue Stratos Guy says:

        Great post, Cloudy. This, I take it, is The Guardian’s policy on free speech?

        “Our space”, FFS. Wrong. You put yourself in the public domain ie. the internet, and it becomes OUR space. If you don’t like what we have to say, close your doors to the outside world and talk amongst yourselves. You’re more or less there already, aren’t you?

        Ditto all online “news”papers and blogs. If you can’t stand the heat etc…..

        I don’t need no ponced-up moderator to tell me what is an acceptable comment and what isn’t, do I Guido?

        In life, we don’t rush over to gag the gentleman that’s goose-stepping along the High Street in his dead mother’s corset with a banana hanging out of his arse, do we?

        We shrug and get on with it because we’re British.

        Misogynist, racist, homophobic and xenophobic comments just add spice to this great curry we call life.

        I have a rather large willy but am never offended when passers-by shout “big knob” at me. My nose is long enough for Concord to take off from but do I take offence at strangers hollering “big knob” across the street?

        No, I do not.

        These days, people are scared shitless of offending the unoffendable and it makes me wanna post scary comments just to see what happens.

        I’m bored with this comment now, but I’ll probably be back.

    • 164
      I don't need no doctor says:

      sunny hundal – are you a car mate?

  26. 145
    Totals her Porsche says:

    Lindsay Lohan. I would.

  27. 151
    Jim says:
  28. 159
    End of Irish Show says:

    http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=BIR.IR&t=my&l=on&z=l&q=l&c=

    This says it all about Ireland

    And the Deputy Governor of this bank during the collapse was given a life peerage by our Dave

    Can’t make it up…

    • 312
      Archer Karcher says:

      It’s all looking rather deliberate rather than idiotic. These people are collapsing our economies deliberately.

  29. 168
    In shallah says:
    • 175
      Rat's arse says:

      Last chance for what? Just wave them off or blow them a kiss. Either way, they will not be missed!

    • 176
      sunny hundal says:

      Let’s hope the ship does a Costa Concordia.

  30. 171
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Unite union leaders. Yet more troughers taking the piss.

  31. 174
    Rat's arse says:

    Anybody heard off ‘silent bob’? I haven’t heard off him for ages, and am getting a little worried.

    • 178
      Blue Stratos Guy says:

      He posts occasionally, I hear.

    • 179
      Silent Bob says:
      • 181
        Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

        That’s soo clever, dear. You’ll teach me one day, I trust?

        • 190
          federico says:

          It’s just smoggie being a silly arse. Mind you it’s the best moniker he’s ever had, where he says fuck all.

          • David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

            lol x x and laughing hysterically. When are we meeting up for that quick quarter litre, SC? Dave x

          • There have been several Silent Bobs. Para would do it I am sure. There are a number of other clever bastards here who can do it. I have learned much from them but, beyond that, I admit to nothing.

            As you know I was back in Blighty last month but my journey took me straight up north when I got back from my out and back from Gatwick business.

            Always on for a Guinness of any quantity when I am in London. Problem is I am not coming back so much now. BTW did you never read ur mail,? I gave up looking for replies.

            SC x .

          • Silent Bob says:

             

          • My Other Van's A Comma says:

            My net’s been down for five days. Should I have a look now? Please don’t give up on me, baby. It’s just that I find modern life so confusing.

            You know I love you really ♥

          • Silent Bob's even more silent brother says:
          • Ol' Man River says:

            He muss know sumptin,
            But don’ say nuffin.
            He jess keep rollin’,
            He keep on rollin’ along.

          • Little Miss Fawkes says:

            Maybe she’s fed up with trolling the internet and likes the idea of meeting a like-minded person face to face.

          • Monosyllabic Richard, Silent Bob's loquacious brother says:

            Maybe

          • Rick Limerfuck says:

            So, online, I makes this confession
            I suffers with manic depression.
            Self diagnosed,
            My bonce has bin frozed.
            But still I indulge this obsession.

          • I suffer from manic optimism.

          • Sir Aston Martin says:

            >Maybe

            You are Disyllabic Bob & I claim my 5 trochees.

          • Monosyllabic Richard, Silent Bob's loquacious brother says:

            Who asked you, Schama-tart?

          • ModBob says:

            My imaginary friend died from snorting 100% pure optimism, SC.

          • Didn’t stop him/her/it from coming back though…

            Rather like a recurrent Blair nightmare. Oh, hang on! That wasn’t imaginary.

          • 100% BS says:

            Don’t let SC fool you, he’s bipolar, swings both ways.

          • Syllables are for faggots says:

            Did that flood drown Hugh Edwards? I do hope so.

          • Cutie says:

            You’ll never get rid of her, Sc. She’s strong-willed and will say absolutely nothing at the top of her voice.

          • Goodnight boys and girls.

            And those who are not sure.

          • David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

            lol x x and laughing my brains out. Na night Schrody. Dave x

          • she who must be obeyed says:

            Yeah, fuck you very much all, especially you Cutie, bitch.

          • my knuckles are white says:

            Will Ewа and SC get it on? Come back and see next week.

          • The Million Moniker Man says:

            Don’t you mean SC and Dave, Mr five knuckle shuffle?

  32. 177
    Spain says:

    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    We don’t need a bailout.
    Oh hang on…

  33. 205
    A Bloke Of A Certain Age says:

    Delighted to see The Duke Of Edinburgh being released from Hospital after being treated for hypother….sorry a “bladder infection “

    • 211
      annette curton says:

      Poor old sods, 86 and 90 dragged down the Thames on a barge for 4 1/2 hours in the pouring rain just so the BBC can fuck the commentary and the spectacle up.

      • 219
        Ratsniffer says:

        No no, you’ve got it wrong. The BBC commentary was splendid, why, the staff have all been congratulated on what a fabulous job they did patronising…er…informing us, and the Sandi Toksvig section was just incredible! Lord Reith would have been proud! Gold plated pensions all round!

  34. 214
    UKIP.I.AM says:

    I am only surprised they didn’t get Owen Jones or Bob Crow to do the commentary. They are in everything else.

  35. 216
    Ponzi-ponzi says:

    The Eurozone – the gift that keeps on giving.

  36. 234
    Angela Merkel says:

    You blink if you want to, the lady’s not for blinking.

  37. 246
    Gordon Brown says:

     

  38. 261
    Saffron says:

    Firstly Bob Nose Crow and his fellow travellers absolutely on form with their minority ass holes voting for strike during the oyplipics.
    Where is Cammoron to take on these assholes,well in fact sheeple nowere to be seen.
    What sheeple does that tell you?.
    What it tells me is that we do not have any kind of government in this land right now who have any idea of what BRITISH interests are all about.
    Bowing down to the fourth reich is in my opinion treason of the highest order.
    Why oh why have these asshole politico’s managed to get us to sell our country to the highest bidder.
    TIME FOR REAL BRITISH PEOPLE TO PUT AN END TO THIS WORLD ORDER CHARADE WHICH WILL END UP IN TEARS>

    • 262
      Genevieve says:

      wb SC ♥

    • 265
      Saffron says:

      Could not leave as an aside this:-.
      How much longer are the indigeous peoples of this land are going to put up with the absolute crap being spouted by politico’s.
      The talent now we are seeing from the supposedely elite politico’s meaderings is aload a load of crap.
      CAN SOMEONE TELL ME AFTER 14 YEARS OF THE EUSSR ACCOUNTS NOT BEING AUDITED THAT SOMETHING IS is NOT WRONG?.

    • 266
      Anne Drecks says:

      We can always walk to The Gimpics. Last time I checked, there was a pair of legs attached to my front bottom.

    • 268
      Camoron and Gideon must die says:

      Good point. How about this from tonight’s Maily Hellograph:

      “Britain [Gideon Osborne] .. is pushing for “fiscal integration”, meaning eurozone countries governed by the same tax and spending policies in which Germany would have a dominant position. The UK will not “stand in the way” of this, the Chancellor pledges in his article.”

      Then Europhile Fiscal Fuckwit Gideon goes on to write, “British voters want their Government to be in charge of supervising our own banks, especially in a crisis,”

      What Fiscal Fuckwit Gideon doesn’t realise – because he’s a retard – is Europe*an voters want their governments to be in charge, too. But Fiscal uckwit Gideon thinks their countries should be run by Germany’s Fourth Reich. Fuckwit Gideon doesn’t care about democracy in Europe.

      Just to add insult to injury, Fiscal Fuckwit Gideon goes on to say, “Our recovery, already facing powerful headwinds from high oil prices.. is being killed off by the crisis on our doorstep.”

      Perhaps Fiscal Fuckwit Gideon would like to explain why our fuel prices are so high. Possibly something to do with Fiscal Fuckwit Gideon’s high fuel taxes, plus the VAT piled on top of the fuel taxes, all paid for out of income that’s already been taxed twice – income tax and then NI. All so Fiscal Fuckwit Gideon can p!ss £11 billion down the toilet every year, on foreign aid, plus tens of billions more, bailing out the Fourth Reich’s banks.

      • 274
        I ain't no economist but four years ago I says:

        Let the banks fail. That way we would of known what was what. Sure, people would of lost money but all gamblers ultimately end up out of pocket. Did anyone listen? Fuck, did they! Being an armchair genius has it’s frustrations.

        • 279
          Col. M.T. Nut-Kernel-Fungus (retd) says:

          Well said, sir! What’s that crispy layer between the shell and the fruit called? It’s been driving me nuts and the Google engine hasn’t been of much help.

          Yours, etc. etc. in the clubhouse with the poker blah blah

      • 305
        Deranged Socialist says:

        That rant is pure joy on a Sunday morning-an excellant piece.

    • 289
      not a machine says:

      I think I typed all I could last night saffron , I would hope that those attending church , are thoughtful in thier prayers , we need every bit of bit of wisdom and attentiveness we can muster to sail this maelstrom , true to our nations future and values before god .

      I guess we are looking at a contagion barrier action in Spain .

  39. 270
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Are Cameron, Osborne et all going through intensive ‘legal coaching’ this weekend?

    Watch out for all the ambiguous answers this coming week

    … I think, I believe, to the best of my recollection, in my view …

    Never an “I know for a fact …”

  40. 273
    rhubarb yoghurt says:

    Is this the best movie opening ever?

    • 278
      Tachybaptus says:

      No. It’s three minutes of dreary credits, which are unavoidable in a modern film, made tolerable by some quite decent graphics and utterly ordinary film music. Better than some, but if I was watching this in a recording I’d hit fast forward after a few seconds.

      If you want to see how to begin a film properly, watch High Noon.

    • 282
      Genevieve says:

      I has the best openin, ever.

      The mere mention of my name makes grown men cream themselves.

    • 330
      Mango says:

      Don’t know about opening credits, but here’s one of the best opening shots ever:

      [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg8MqjoFvy4&w=420&h=315%5D

      • 339
        Uninspiring, Untrustworthy & Unlikeable says:

        I was in that movie.

        • 403
          The BBC says:

          Never mind the opening credits, what did you think of our closing credits which we plastered all over Her Majesties firework display. Pretty good eh !

  41. 277
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    I am ‘uninspiring, untrustworthy and unlikeable’.

    http://bit.ly/KjNiHX

    • 280
      Mrs. Ball-Scooper ( triple flipper ) says:

      You’re not that fucking appealing.

    • 281
      E says:

      It’s much worse that you think, Balls. In a poll of 38 million people, 37.9 million said they’d hold a street party if you were accidentally crushed under a driverless bus.

    • 290
      not a machine says:

      I could not believe , he forked out for private polling , should have just have bought guido a drink and got him to run one on here , its the thought of the pollster de brief that tickles me , sat in office as power plus presentaion rolls on .

      92% of respondents when shown a picture and asked who it was, didnt know. the remaining 8% thought you had been on crimewatch in outstanding major fraud case.

      93% of respondents when told that photo was of shadow Labour chancellor then recalled his name , mmm is it Gordon Brown …..

      94% of respondents asked if they could recall anything of note he has said , wrote down “sorry theres no money left”

      95% of respondents considered the term “too far too fast” somthing that would be said on the muppets by link pork throb

      100 % of respondents could not think of anything of use he had said or had ever called right with any supporting evidence or informed argument

    • 316
      Raving Loon says:

      Balls is just unfortunate in not having been born in North Korea. He would be more at home in a politburo.

  42. 283
    Peseta says:

    So. Is Osborne giving money to Spain?

    • 291
      not a machine says:

      you appear to have answered your own very good question , as one report does say international help ……………

    • 300
      smoggie says:

      Not his own

    • 314
      Tomorrow's Chip Wrapper says:

      No direct trail…but via the usual subterfuge of IMF…..that way Cameron can say that not a singlepenny of UK taxpayers money will be used to bail out Spain but obviously as a major player in IMF and World Bank etc etc we have to do our bit for world financial stability…….

  43. 286
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Cheap Joke Service says:

    HM Elizabeth II R: “Balls– if I’d had them, I’d have been the King!”

    Labour, after seeing the polling: “Balls– if we don’t have him, we might be in Government!”

  44. 292
    franky fisher says:

    Does anyone read or comment at The Telegraph these days? I popped in there, briefly, and the place is full of the same old wankers. How the fuck are they going to turn it around?

  45. 297
    albacore says:

    Seen the latest on what Dave’s lot’s gonna do?
    Can’t be arsed to link it. It’s too deja vu
    Education, deportation and the EU
    Whatever, Dave’ll drag us all out of the stew
    Maybe, in some pinko parallel universe
    Here on earth, what’s the betting that they’ll make it worse?

  46. 301
    Leonidas says:

    Come and get them!

  47. 311

    G Brown: I am the Walrus
    E Balls: No! I am the Walrus
    E Mili: Can I be the Walrus?
    All: Goo Goo G’Joob.

  48. 315
    Are East Herts District Council corrupt? says:

    So Cameron “insists” Hunt has not broken any Ministerial Code.

    So why does Cameron keep on insisting having asked Leveson to make his enquiry?

    Why cannot Leveson confirm what Cameron says.

    Cameron is more useless than a chocolate teapot

  49. 320
    Sancho Panzer says:

    Bank bailouts are great. Banking families, bondholders and corrupt politicians get to keep their money and the plebs pay through taxes. Pass the riocha!

  50. 323
    Gordon Brown says:

    That LaGa woman – clearly a bigot – got my job that I was lining up! It’s not fair!

  51. 324
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    Where the fuck is all this money for a Spanish bailout coming from?

    The best the old Press can come up with is it is coming ‘from Europe’.

    What the hell does that mean?

    These Spaniards seem to be admitting now that they are in the financial shit. You ask them how much and they can’t answer you.

    And what security is being offered for any loans?

    And all this conveniently blows up over the weekend when the Banks are closed and the guy with the big ears in the White House starts making veiled threats.

    • 336
      Liam Byrne says:

      I’m afraid there is no money left. I told you that ages ago.
      All there is is the remains of a colossal Ponzi scheme, namely some bits of paper that might as well say ‘Monopoly’ on them and a load of ’1′s and ’0′s buried in a billion and one computers.
      Why do you think there were all those ads trying to get you to cash in your gold stuff ?

  52. 325
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Liam Fox is setting up a charity to help our service personnel
    i wonder how many pennies in the pound will actually reach them
    and how much will be skimmed of in “Running costs” ?

  53. 328
    Ah! Monika says:

    Learning a foreign language will be compulsory from the age of seven in England’s primary schools in an overhaul of the national curriculum, the education secretary is to announce.

    English and Urdu ?

  54. 331
    Ah! Monika says:

    A simple question.

    Why do so many politicians wear purple ties these days?

  55. 334
    Ah! Monika says:

    A J e w turn?

    Hizb ut-Tahrir has been accused of promoting racism and anti-Semitism, praising suicide bombers and urging Muslims to kill J3ws.
    Before coming to power, Mr Cameron pledged to ban it but the plan was shelved after a Coalition review.

  56. 343
    National Socialist says:

    Oh dear, the wankers at the Department of Transport have been caught red-handed lying about the supposed benefits of the High Speed Fuck-up.

    Now they are busy moving the goal-posts….

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/road-and-rail-transport/9321412/Benefits-of-HS2-were-exaggerated-secret-report-reveals.html

  57. 345
    Arthur Itis says:

    “UK government announces extra £10m in aid for West Africa drought relief programme”

    But there’s no money left…

  58. 348
    Barmy as a Bag of Lights says:

    Sunday morning, Spain gets out begging bowl
    finance minister says this is good for the yuro.
    ”it makes the yuro stronger and this is a project that cannot be dismantled.”

    Is he on drugs?

    Gease; spain; . . . next for bankruptcy?

  59. 353

    Everyone who posts on this site must be fucking crackers.

    Except me.

    And I am even beginning to doubt that too.

  60. 359
    Muhammad Muhammed x 500 says:

    THE number of driving test cheats has increased by 500 per cent in just eight years, new figures have revealed.

    • 365
      John Dough says:

      But this is not a racial issue???

      • 374
        oh dear, i've said it says:

        No, it just so happens that most of them are Asian, which is just the way they do things, so irrelevant.

    • 381

      If that is the detected rate, the real one will be ten times worse.

    • 385
      Dr Muhammad Mohammed Shake says:

      Ah yes, if you wantings false whiplash injury insurance claimings, please just £250 for genuine fake report and plenty insurance moneys for you. Quite normals back home and good for Whiteyland too.

    • 390
      Patel and Patel says:

      It dosn’t help when they all look the same. This is not actually a racist thing. It is how the human brain works.

  61. 367
    A Voter says:

    Perhaps its time for Germany to leave the EU?
    It’s economy is so out of synch with everyone else – It would at least leave the remaining countries on more or less on comparable economies.
    Heck – we might even join!

    • 384
      UKIP.I.AM says:

      How long must this Dead Parrot Sketch go on for?

      “Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy has hailed a decision by eurozone finance ministers to help Spain shore up its struggling banks as a victory for the European common currency.”

    • 388
      Red Ken and Nigel Farage Agree says:

      Very interesting that Red Ken and Nigel Farage agreed on everything on Sky this morning. Europe isa waste of space we should be planning for the future and drumming up trade with China Brazil etc. European regulations are a millstone and we should be like switzerland and trade with the European Block but be FREE to trade with the rest of the world on OUR terms. The vote on the common market was basically illegal as we were not told that the common market was just the beginning and the political intent was the United states of Europe. It’s not just the British people who want to revert back to a trading block, the rest of Europe wants that too, except the political elite.

      This bank bailout scam is just delaying the inevitable but it is creating vast social damage across Europe codeming generations of the young to unemployment until the inevitable happens. Te Mediteranean countries should never have been allowed in the Euro and it should have been tried as a very small group of countries with sound books. The Euro Political elite will still not admit it was a political project and OSBORNE is totally at odds to all reason by pressing for political integration within the zone.

      I loved it. I really like it when politicians tell it as it is. Well done Ken and Nigel

      • 406
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Bit of a faux pas in that comment Re: “… a very small group of countries with sound books”

        Sound books – Is that a reference to Accounts … Hello

        Don’t mention the elephant in the room then – the still Unaudited accounts.

        BTW Booker (its the content & context of what he states stupid) has summed up the original lie about the EEC / EU project nightmare far better than most – or even the scaremongers club of fools.

  62. 375
    Gordon Brown says:

    Hello to all my fans. I know you’re looking forward to seeing me at Leveson tomorrow where I will hold forth with all my knowledge, expertise, wisdom and inappropriately timed smiles. Unfortunately I have to check-in my mobile when I arrive, so I won’t be allowed to Nokia anyone if they ask me difficult questions.

    • 382
      Crocodile says:

      Take a strong Onion with you Gordon, It’ll help bring on the tears when Sarah’s friend Rebekah Brooks is mentioned.

    • 405
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Its odds on that even Mr J – will not be probing too deeply Gordo. After all he’s not likely or any inquisitor for that matter; to want to show that both the previous Government and the current Government – have been totally ‘in thrall’ to Murdochs Coin.

      What of course – would that show to the world – other than that Parliament over the past 20 years has become a ‘laughing stock’?

  63. 378
    Gregory says:

    Oi wake up in Guido Towers. Saturnday has come and Saturnday has gone forever it is now Sunday and if you don’t wake up soon, it’ll be Moonday and Rich and Mark and Mr Jay and Mr brown and Mr Osborne.

  64. 380
    Uncommon Knowledge says:

  65. 389
    A Voter says:

    “Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy says a decision by eurozone ministers to help Spain shore up its struggling banks is a “victory for the euro””.

    We’d better join quickly.

    • 391
      Give us your Money. says:

      How did he manage to fit that statement in when he was out of the country watching a football match?


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