June 2nd, 2012

Open Source a Private Members’ Bill

Douglas Carswell MP is a winner in the Private Members’ Bill ballot and has decided to crowd-source his Bill. Guido has set up a poll allowing readers to choose from five ideas what you would like to see debated. As a result of this exercise in direct democracy, Carswell will prepare a formal Bill with the table office, and present the winner to Parliament. Below are five ideas to choose from, use the voting form below to vote (your email is required to validate your votes).

1. Bloggers Freedom Bill: the law on copyright and libel developed in an age when very few people ever published anything. Today, millions of people blog and tweet. The law needs to reflect this. While other people’s intellectual property needs to be safeguarded, and people need protection from libel, this law would provide bloggers and tweeters with some protection against being sued, with a 48 hour period of grace before legal action could be taken.

2. Defence Procurement Bill: too much of the defence budget is spent in the interests of big defence contractors, and not in the interests of our armed forces. This Bill would make it a legal requirement to put most defence contracts out to public tender, and prevent those who have worked for the Ministry of Defence from working for defence contractors without clear safeguards.

3. Great Repeal Bill: there are too many rules and regulations. The government’s Freedom Bill, which promised to do something about it, has turned out to be pretty useless. Instead, the Great Repeal Bill – the world’s first Wiki-Bill – would repeal a vast swathe of unnecessary red tape. The details of the Bill are here.

4. Repeal of the European Communities Bill: Britain joined the European Economic Community in 1973. It has turned out to be an economic and political disaster. This Bill will get us out.

5. Competing Currencies Bill: having struggled to save the Pound, this Bill will save the value of the Pound. It will prevent ministers debauching our currency to help pay their debts. While the idea of competing currencies is not new, the internet – which allows different currencies to be used seamlessly – is, making it practically possible. Translations of the Bill will be available in Greek, Spanish and perhaps even French.


  1. 1
    jgm2 says:

    What about the

    ‘Hang Gordon Brown Bill’

  2. 2
    Max31198 says:

    4 for me out of eu please

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    ooh good idea.
    It’s a tough one – good job I’ve a more than one email address :P

  4. 4
    Sniper says:

    Great Repeal – the others naturally follow.

  5. 5
    Mark says:

    Going for #3 here…

    #1 is, I think, a fairly minor issue. Probably a good idea, but minor.
    #2 looks good, but frankly we need more reform of the MoD than just that: Israel’s defence ministry gets by with something like under 10% of the procurement clerks we “need”.
    #3 will have both lots of long- and short- term good. Politically, it won’t divide Tory supporters either.
    #4 will never happen any time soon under Cameron. No point wasting a PMB this way, much as I would like to see us out.
    #5 is an interesting idea, but I’m okay with the pound sterling TBH, and even now, inflation isn’t THAT bad.

  6. 6
    Raving Loon says:

    4 is a no-brainer. That said, I do subscribe to Austrian School economics so #5 is pretty tempting.

  7. 7
    Paul Marks says:

    It has to be Number Four – as, unless we can get out of the E.U., the other measures (deregulation, competing currencies….. whatever) are non starters – as some E.U. rule or other will forbid them.

    First we have to be an independent nation again – then we can try to do the other things.

  8. 8
    BobRoberts says:

    Couldn’t agree more.

    #3 got my vote – looked like a really solid idea… something that needs to be implemented.

  9. 9

    Put me down for 1 + 2.
    And as Miliband is in favour of 4 it seems a shame not to grant him his wish.
    Especially as it would drive the guardian and independent to fury.

  10. 10
    Thieving Fat Cunt says:

    “48 hour period of grace before legal action could be taken”

    i.e Guido wants to use other people’s content for free for 48 hours instead of paying a fair price for use ?

    Thieving fat Hunt.

  11. 11
    GlobalGaz says:

    The Elephant in the room – number 5…

    If 5 happens and REALLY happens, won’t the UK be free to decide WTF it wants and therefore the other bills will not need to be worked on..?

    AKA – Repeal of the European Communities Bill: will solve a lot of ills.

  12. 12
    SAS NOT !!! says:

    errrr isnt this bloke someone who YOU refer to as a Mong

  13. 13
    GlobalGaz says:

    Bollocks…I meant NUMBER 4…

  14. 14
    SAS NOT !!! says:

    Who cares, if any of these get past parliament, within 6 months they will U Turn the bill

  15. 15
    Dr Jones says:

    Gordon Brown doubled my wages but I’m still going on strike. I set up a special little pharmacy to supply my GP practice so I’m raking it in. I worked for a few years as a locum on £55 per hour and ran it through a private company to make sure I paid lower tax and now I can work 4 days per week and still buy a huge mansion.

    I have to strike since I deserve a giant pension far larger than the amount I contribute.

  16. 16
    Man Up Tim! says:


  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    What about the right of voters to recall an MP bill – which seems to have been replaced by MPs deciding amongst themselves – again…

  18. 18
    jockox3 says:

    Herbert Spencer reported that in 1870 Gladstone’s government partially or wholly repealed over 3000 Acts of parliament, with most of them wholly repealed, and nearly as many in the succeeding two years. How will this Great Repeal Bill stack up to that bonfire I wonder?

    If not, I’d go for 5. Monetary reform and the present ability of the state and its favoured few clients to debauch our money underpins so many other economic and welfare woes it needs to keep being plugged.

  19. 19
    Caught out ? says:

    48 hour period of grace before legal action could be taken ?

    I think Mr Fawkes is tired of paying for lifted images.

    Simple solution, BUY THEM

  20. 20
    jgm2 says:

    Where will the e-mail addresses be going Guido? I sent you mine a couple of years ago to get a book wot I’d won in your limerick competition and by return of post I was getting no end of Casino betting SPAM.

  21. 21
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I thought the whole great thing about the government having the controls of the currency was that they could drive the whole country into a ditch whenever they felt like it, making everyone equally poor.

    Just listen to ‘em saying it about Greece or Ireland every day of the week.

  22. 22
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I thought the whole great thing about the government having the controls of the currency was that they could droive the whole country into a ditch whenever they felt like it, making everyone equally poor.

    Just listen to ‘em saying it about Greece or Ireland every day of the week.

  23. 23
    Have some balls Harry says:

    Go on, have the courage to admit that this site is a serial offender when it comes to lifting other people’s content and that this site has paid for pictures AFTER THE FACT when caught stealing. Why should you get use of content for 48 hours for free ?

    Thieving HUNTS

  24. 24
    john77 says:

    #3 is excellent and necessary – a runaway winner
    #4 will probably be ruled invalid by someone posing as a European Abe Lincoln
    #5 is admirable in concept but can’t be made watertight as any increase in real GDP requires an increase in currency issue to oil it and a reliable way of reducing the currency in issue in line withy a decrease in GDP without creating an unnecessary depression has not yet been invented so is not available for inclusion in the bill
    #1 Only Microsoft or an idiot would sue a blogger for infringement of copyright and there is no good reason to exempt bloggers from responsibility if they libel someone – a better idea would be to cap legal fees in libel cases (total, not just per hour)
    #2 Yeah,in general but there is a problem without putting out to public tender manufacturing a product developed by a private company without making leading-edge R&D not worthwhile since you need a massive profit on successes to pay for the costs of all the failures (read “The End of Eternity” if it’s still in print).

  25. 25
    jgm2 says:

    Chose #4 then. It’s a lot easier to rep*eal a bill (actually about 20 of ‘em) than it is to re-enact one.

  26. 26
    Raving Loon says:

    But the government doesn’t have control over the currency, the central bank does. The real problem is central economic planning. Why do we set the price of credit, or the supply of money, when we don’t do that for other products or services?

  27. 27
    Desperate Dan says:

    I’d like the option “No more Laws, we’ve got more than enough already”.

  28. 28
  29. 29
    Loungelizard says:

    And with the proceeds you bought a farm, claimed a huge single farm payment, ran it through a private company…..

  30. 30
    Backwoodsman says:

    No.3, Great Reform bill, what an oportunity to clear away a mass of rubish legislation brought in by labour and outdated laws no longer relevant today.

  31. 31
    Discuss says:

    Surely you need to do 4 before anything else?

  32. 32
    Backwoodsman says:

    No, that was you he was refering to.

  33. 33
    One, Two, Buckle My Shoe says:

    How about the ‘Vet Politicians for Sociopathic Traits’ bill?

    It would apply to incumbent as well as aspiring MPs.

  34. 34
    Ewa says:

    WOW!! This is almost as confusin as the local election thingy. How do I spoil my paper, SC?

  35. 35
    Slartibartfast says:

    Yep, these bills while good in themselves, are all easily reversed or corrupted by existing or future governments. If we could have something like proportional representation for general elections and citizen-initiated referendums, then we would be getting somewhere.

  36. 36
    Rick Limerfuck says:

    That’s weird. All I get is GuyNews junk.

  37. 37
    One, Two, Buckle My Shoe says:

    Good luck getting that one past the grubby powers that be:

    “He pushed hard to build PayPal, against formidable obstacles, because he wanted to create an online currency that could circumvent government control. (Though the company succeeded as a business, it never achieved that libertarian goal—Thiel attributes the failure mainly to heightened concerns, after 9/11, that terrorists might exploit electronic currency systems.)”


  38. 38
    Tittyfuck says:

    Is it direct democracy if you choose all the options?

    Anyway, there’s nothing on there more important than the 5th

  39. 39
    annette curton says:

    0ption 4. A private members bill will get us out of the EU, somebodies dreaming.

  40. 40
    jgm2 says:

    Yep. Number three for me too.

    Sends a clear message.

  41. 41
    Live Wire says:

    ….so many addresses, so difficult to remember the passwords.

    At least Mr. Umbongo in Nigeria, whose relatives recently died in that plane crash, has something to aim at.

  42. 42
    jgm2 says:

    Bah. I meant number three.

  43. 43
    Tardkiller says:

    The Great Repeal Bill!!

    Nothing else would fundamentally change Britain for the better, the other suggestions are swivel eyed single issue bills. The defence bill alone is completely barmy if you have half an inkling as to how contracts are drawn up.

  44. 44
    One, Two, Buckle My Shoe says:

    The NSA have entered the spamming business? That’s surprising – must be the budget cuts.

  45. 45
    jgm2 says:

    Isn’t it all a bit pointless. Don’t they only have a limited amount of time to be debated which can easily be circumvented by one (probably Labour) MP standing up and reading names from the phone directory for a many hours as is necessary.

  46. 46
    Trahison des Clercs says:

    No! that’s you SNT

  47. 47
    cider -> screen moment says:

    My “Mr. Umbongo” always had royal connections. I wired him a tenner and before you could say “thick as shit” my bank balance was £0.87. I had to laugh, though.

  48. 48
    Rat's arse says:

    And me!

  49. 49
    Ah! Monika says:

    Have forwarded it on to my contacts lists and invited them to do the same.

  50. 50
    A Sheeple says:

    + another

  51. 51
    Tom Tomos says:

    None of the above. Let’s have a Monarchy (Abolition) Bill.

  52. 52
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    #4 looks like pulling out a domino from the bottom of an extremely tall tower.
    (did I hear cheering there? No, hold on)
    I’m sure if Dave did it, he’d be crushed by the wreckage.
    (is that more cheering I hear?)

  53. 53
    Eric Pickles says:

    You can never have too many restaurant bills. Specially if other people pay them.

  54. 54
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    can we have a “lets wipe that smug Tory grin of your face ” bill

  55. 55
    Raving Loon says:


    Actually, #5 is probably the most important issue period if you understand the truth surrounding how currencies are issued and circulated. Unfortunately the legitimacy of central banks is ultimate elephant in the room and no-one will rock the boat when it comes to the monetary system.

  56. 56
    Grumpy old bumburp says:

    I want all five but went for Number 4 as unless that is done the others are irrelevant

    How have we allowed it to get to this

    Vote UKIP

  57. 57
    Marmite says:

    Let’s not aye, ars&hole, you are a daft b*st*rd! God save our Queen.

  58. 58
    Fuct says:

    Four .. Never happen though

  59. 59
    polythesis says:

    No 3 cannot happen before No 4, as vast and increasing areas of public life are now considered ‘occupied areas’ (dont you just love the kommissars choice of words?) tampering with or removing or altering anything within these occupied areas is verboten. There can be no great repeal without first attending to the various EU treaties.

    First you have to get parliament to approve the ripping of the various EU treaties, its completely legal and can be done quickly through parliament after having an EU referendum of course. Then comes the great repeal bill. It cannot be done the other way round. The EU knows full well that ripping up treaties is perfectly legal, its just that they really dont want that fact becoming public knowledge.

    Pretty soon the entire UK will become an occupied area, and the current regime is working as hard as it possibly can to make that a reality. Its who they are and what they do, they just have to hang in long enough to make their squalid dream a reality and they consider their one term a success. The entire EU monolith is built on lies and deceptions, they depend on an MSM willing to collaborate with them in order to keep the truth from us.

    I find it odd that many people have yet to realise the realities of the EU, what it really is and what their goals are and what methods they use. The EU is simply a series of freely entered into treaties, they are made to appear as though they are made of steel, unbreakable and solid and yet they are just paper and as easily destroyed. It is essential for them that we dont come to know the truth because the truth would set us free of this ugly monster.

  60. 60
    Keep Calm and Vote UKIP. says:

    UKIP have what you want, as usual!

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    four comes under three, reform would include EU membership

  62. 62
    Dave P says:

    “exercise in direct democracy…” is consulting the very small, percentage of the voting, or even Tory voting, public that read this blog really an “exercise in direct democracy”?


  63. 63
    Doctor Forceps says:

    How about a “Place Gordon Brown Into An Asylum Whereinby The Visiting Public Can tormente Him and Derive Delighte And Amusemente At His Antics Within His Cell As He Lopeth Backwards And Forwards, Muttering, “It Started In America” And Consumath Spiders From The Walls, The Fees Obtained Being Used In Some Measure To Pay For The Various Fuckups Withall That He Hath Committed Against The Public Treasuries”

  64. 64

    …No inheritance tax on farms either…

  65. 65
    Biffoo says:

    No 5

  66. 66
    genghiz the kahn says:

    1. Privatisation of BBC.

    2. Debarring Oxford PPE degree holders from public office.

    3. Immediate closure of Leveson Inquiry – on grounds that press and politicians are without ethics or culture.

    4. Exile of Gordon Brown to South Sandwich Islands.

    5. Revocation of Alex Fergusson’s knighthood.

  67. 67
    Vito Corleone, capo di tutti capi delle cinque famiglie says:

    That’s how we got Enzo the baker his Green Card:
    “We’ll get the Joo in the next congressional district to sponsor a Private Bill.”

  68. 68
    Tom Tomos says:

    Oi, less of the daft. She might be your queen, but I didn’t vote for her. Nothing against the old girl personally, it’s the principle.

  69. 69
    Chris Mellish says:

    Have done the same. Whilst all the ideas presented are worthy of parliamentary time, what would really make a difference is if a direct action scheme like this were to happen every month. Perhaps should have been proposed to do just that. Let the public vote every month for the bill they think most deserves parliamentary time the following month.

  70. 70
    smoggie says:

    What’s Duggie’s fee? Is it brown envelope stuff or cabbie for hire with tip?

  71. 71
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Could have been worse, you could have spent it all on Facebook shares.

    “Since its IPO at $38 on May 18, the eight-year-old company has lost about $25 billion in value which is approximately equivalent to the market capitalization of its lead underwriter Morgan Stanley”

    Wow. How much fun would it be to create the world’s biggest fan, and drop shit on it from a fleet of B52’s.

  72. 72
    jgm2 says:

    I didn’t vote for her either. But then only 28% of eligible voters voted for King Tony Blair and we ended up with… Tony Blair. And look what kind of a useless c*unt he turned out to be. And even when he did have a mandate (of sorts) he then abdicated in favour of the Maximum Imbecile. And no c*unt voted for him.

    So while ‘on principle’ it might seem wrong, in practice the Queen is no worse than the alternatives.

  73. 73
    Comment of the Day says:

    We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Were your name AC1, Sesuna or nellnewman, I’d put this up as comment of the day but it isn’t, so I won’t. Keep going though.

  74. 74
    Ah! Monika says:

    The Mirror.
    With Headlines like today’s why on Earth would they sack the Editor?

    Bonkers! Saucy pair caught on camera having sex in office in front of stunned onlookers across the street

  75. 75
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    Aren’t these cun*ts elected to work this sort of thing out for themselves?

    If I have to do this lazy cun*t’s job for him, do I get a share of his excessive salary and subsidised food and drink?

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    #4 is included in #3, as it stands.

  77. 77
    Damien 666 Thompson says:

    Buying FaceAche shares was, literally, a no-brainer. Ditto having anything to do with it.

    I quite like Mumsnet, though.

  78. 78
    Marmite says:

    Can we also have that wipe the idiotic look off Millibandwagon’s face too?

  79. 79
    Tom Tomos says:

    No worse = no better.

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    I’m all for that bill marmite.

  81. 81
    Hamish says:

    Methinks that’s the one Mr Carswell hopes we’ll vote for.
    He’s right.

  82. 82

    I don’t care what you pick.
    I’m not wasting my valuable time voting on it anyway.

    There’s far more important things to do up here.
    Since I bought a multi region dvd player on expenses I’m working my way through that carrier bag of DVDs Obama gave me.

  83. 83
    Damien 666 Thompson says:

    That sort of headline was titillating in the early seventies, I hear.
    These days I can watch a saucy pair caught on camera having sex in office in front of stunned onlookers across the street on U-Tube.

  84. 84
    northern git says:

    it would be more ineresting if you could denote the ones you want rather than just one…several have appeal

  85. 85
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Option 6: all of Options 1-5.

  86. 86
    Meanwhile they carry on as normal says:

    Employers asked to favour state school children over private

    Young people who leave state schools with good grades should be preferred by employers over public school rivals, a Government adviser says, after report shows 57 per cent of doctors came from ‘highest socio-economic groups’.

  87. 87
    Deliverance says:

    Did that carrier bag include the “squeal like a piggy” DVD, m’lud?

  88. 88
    BMA says:

    We agree, thick Doctors will strike more often.

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    Can we have some inside news on the Mirror debacle, please Guido !

  90. 90

    I would go as far as to say she is miles better.

  91. 91
    Jimmy says:

    Yes obviously the UK is going to leave the EU on a Private Member’s Bill.

    The first one is surprisingly sensible and is the only one that could conceivably pass. I take it fake emails are ok?

  92. 92
    Cast Iron Gordon says:

    Yep. Sheer joy.

  93. 93
    JH says:

    Nah, just use your @labour.org.uk one.

  94. 94

    I can see why you say that…

  95. 95
    Gordon Brown MP {retired} says:

    What’s youtube?

  96. 96
    The Labour Party says:

    Blair first please

  97. 97
    Ah! Monika says:

    Blair denies special relationship with Cameron.
    Wouldn’t like to tarnish his reputation

  98. 98
    Note to self says:

    Crafty way of getting email list.

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Was up for #3 but wants to repeal hunting act and can’t support enjoying killing things. No #4, win win for everyone.

  100. 100
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    You know that must still really pain the mad loon whenever it crosses his mind.

    Imagine he was expecting a gift he could treasure for the rest of his life, something he could show off to guests, like a piece of Abe Lincoln’s wooden leg, or a stripe from the first American flag, but no, all he got was some worthless DVD.s.

    It really does show what Obama Beach thought of him.

  101. 101
    Sean O'Hare says:

    No 4 (Repeal of European Communities Act) is superfluous because No 3 Great Repeal Bill includes it.

  102. 102
    shitstorms forecast says:

    Haha, there won’t be any EU left to leave before too long.

  103. 103
    Gordon Brown MP {retired} says:

    I gave President Obama an ornamental pen holder made from the timbers of the Victorian anti-slave ship HMS Gannet.

    He gave me ’10 things I hate about you’ and ‘Psycho.’

    *sob* I really loved him too *sob-blub-*

  104. 104
    Wellard says:

    In an age when people are dragged through court for calling police horses “gay”, or for joking that their gonna “blow up an airport” or just for flogging fisting dvd’s I’d say No. 3 was a no brainer.

    Fight for your right to fist and blow horses!

  105. 105
    Not sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device says:

    Why not abolish both houses of parliament?

  106. 106
    Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

    Out of the EU, then we can start sorting our country out.

  107. 107
    Gordon Brown MP {retired} says:

    We’re on the spare wheel already. If another one comes off we’re fucked.

  108. 108
    anonymous says:

    ……. and you people still think that anything will come of this??

    all you thick skulled tory boys are mad, mad i tell you!!!!!!!!!

  109. 109
    Slartibartfast says:

    I’d rather see a Royal Family Abolition Bill. Let’s exile the royal family we have now and get in another branch to take over in their stead. There are branches from previous English royal families living in Germany and in Australia so plenty of choices. They would just need to be vetted for any possible pro-EU superstate treasonous sympathies.

    Glorious Revolution Reloaded.

  110. 110
    I want the Rule of Law says:


    I dopn’t care about the umpteenth new law if there is no Rule of Law in britain

    First things first

    Enforce the current laws against those who have been flouting it gfor years

    Policitians, journalists, lawyers, bankles and accountants in particular

    Then think about one thousand new laws which no one will pay any attention to in the current state of a

  111. 111
    Jack says:

    And the oligarchs who are buying their way into respectability while raping their own countries

    Guido is blind


  112. 112
    Colonic Irrigation Clinic says:

    It’s not what you’re thinking.

  113. 113
    AC1¾ says:

    I voted for the 5 Russian grannies. Phwoooaaarrr!

  114. 114
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Carswell is a star.

    Put me down for number 4….. Me thinks this will attract at least 90% of the vote.

    The other 10% will be made up of the BBC, Cameron and his EU philes.

  115. 115
    Abraham Lincoln says:

    I think you mean “George Washington’s wooden teeth.” But it’s not like I’m sore or anything; “with malice toward none,” that’s my watchword, partner. Kinda different from your Mr. Brown in that respect. Also, I didn’t try to con all of the people all of the time.

  116. 116
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Easy way to decide. Which one will piss off/embarrass/make most trouble for Camoron. Sorted.

  117. 117
    Icarus says:

    Great – I have voted for the last one about banning competing currencies. I am pleasantly surprised that he would even consider Joining the Euro.

  118. 118

    Dave’s Oxford Oiks

    I Thay , Do you like our Private Members , Bill

  119. 119
    krystal chaos says:

    @ spearhead:

    they did this one also. copeland is a master sticksman, is he not?

  120. 120
    Capo di tutti capi Murdoch says:

    Pass another fifteen laws

    We will always get around them

    As we always have

    How many of my merry men have been arrested?

    And how many charged ?!


  121. 121
    Pan Oramic View says:

    But all these ideas 4 Bill R Brilliant. Why can’t I vote All?

  122. 122
    Mike Litorus says:

    Shoot Gordon Brown by firing Tony Blair out of a cannon into him?

  123. 123
    Nevis lawyer says:


    You play the jurisdiction game, quite rightly

    Nevis, the UK, Ireland, The US etc

    So why on earth are you rambling on about a Bloggers Bill?

    Just play our game and you have all the authorities flummoxed

    So go and have a drink and try something more interesting please

  124. 124
    not a machine says:

    As a German Bund appears offering the staggering deal of 0.0% return , an American fund holder on Bloomsbergs Tom Keen “were going through the bond bubble graveyard pretty quick , the europeans have really got to get there act together ” . Meanwhile in socialist cough sorry EU headquarters , Mr Barroso puts on a nice red knekerchief , so just the eyes are showing and produces a colt 45 “OK I want you to hand over all your gold reserves , nice and slow , no funny business ” mmmm so hand over gold reserves in countries in debt , to fund what exactly ? , why the banks directly that hold (or cannot hold ) the debt , but isnt that akin to theft, sort of funding an earlier robbery via lending too much ….
    Given no mention is made of the gold reserves ever returning , you perhaps can get a whiff of where it is going . todays brief is reform light , but of course declaring how the differentials are resolved , might not be as equality sounding , as chucking money at problems implies . I suppose its a continuation of the sweetner in progressive wonk land , where socialism assumes it is a matter of money and not balanced economy .

    Do any other public sector salaries involve lump sums ?…….

  125. 125
    Toilets MaGuire, Britain's answer to Baghdad Bob says:

    There is no news at the Mirror Group

    We are all clean as the proverbial whistle

    No hanky panky at the Mirror

    Just tits and lies

    Tits and lies

    That’s all the Labour Party understands

  126. 126
    Parliamentary reporter says:

    Are you referring to Peter Mandelson and his friend’s papers by any chance ?!

    Or Tony the assimilated Blair ?

  127. 127
    God's Holy Trousers says:

    That works for me.

  128. 128
    TV producer running out of squalor says:

    Saucy pair you say?

    They will be put on Cum Dansing if they do it in public…

  129. 129
    Medja student, BA (failed) says:

    Can I Twitter a Private Twat on this blog Guido?

    I am overage and love these futile gadgets

    Or learn to p i s s in my own violin please?

  130. 130
    Baldwin and the Labour sniffing brigade says:


    But we can teach you how to space yourself out

    And become addled prematiurely like us and Gwido

  131. 131
    nellnewman says:

    Wouldn’t be many left after vetting would there?

  132. 132
    nellnewman says:

    Oh Yes + 100

  133. 133

    You sometimes talk a lot of sense in your stream of consciousness. Did you ever do précis in English at school?

  134. 134
    Dirty Desmond, Gouido's boss says:

    And tits and bums FREE

  135. 135
    nellnewman says:

    There is of course No Contest.

    Any bill that offers the chance to get us out of the EU is worth than all the other bills put together!!

  136. 136
    Australian boozer says:

    There is even a direct heir the son of Edward VIII’s natural son, living in Alice Springs

    More direct than Charlie Bigears

  137. 137
    nellnewman says:

    Never mind murdoch and his merry men.

    When is bliar, alycampbell, gordon and their very unmerry men going to be charged for trashing the economy and starting illegal wars? A much bigger crime I’m sure you will agree!

  138. 138
    Sort of says:

    Rules and regs first including EU ones, unilaterally.

  139. 139
    Le Monde correspondent says:

    Can anyone tell me if they is still a Government in Britain?

    Or have they all been arrested?

    My friend Oollande wants to talk to someone on the tiliphone

  140. 140
    Yaki da says:

  141. 141
    Slartibartfast says:

    Yes, Ozzie Boozer. That is who I was trying to remember. There was a documentary about him a while ago but he said that he had no interest in the English monarchy and his connections. Still he has family as well, so who knows in the future?

  142. 142
    One, Two, Buckle My Shoe says:

    Precisely. Then we might get an elected chamber that works for the people, defends liberty and attacks the vested interests. Like the ones currently meeting in Bilderberg:


  143. 143
    fruitcake says:

    Why does that trouble you so, Mr Rusbridger

  144. 144
    El Sid says:

    To get into medical school you’ll need A-grades in science subjects, particularly biology and chemistry. Given that you’re far less likely to get an A-grade in any A-Level if you go to a comp, and you’re less likely to do science if you go to a comp, it wouldn’t surprise me if 57% of people with A’s in biology/chemistry come from “highest socio-economic groups” however you define that.

    It doesn’t reflect bias among employers, it’s just that state schools teach the wrong subjects, less well. If you think that 57% figure is a problem, then fix the state schools.

  145. 145
    fruitcake says:

    Oh boys, sorry, oh socialist losers, what the Carswell is doing is actually a very good idea, if every MP crowdsourced his own electorate, instead of just kissing the party ass (or whatever) we might get bills that the public actually want rather than the public gets shafted by party ideology. As obvious party luvvies, you wouldn’t quite get that now would you?

  146. 146
    Grammar educated tory says:

    I never realised that you lithped when you expressed yourself on paper as well Ed.
    By the way how’s the blankth theet coming along?

  147. 147

    And you were a genuinely good politician, a fantastic consensus builder. A dedicated family man and loving husband. And great fun to be with by all accounts. And who was tragically assassinated by his enemies.

    Sort of the opposite of Gordon Brown.

  148. 148
    Tooth fairy says:

    What did the South Sandwich Islands do to deserve that???

  149. 149
  150. 150
    pointless emission #24731 says:

    Who TF’s spearhead, E? Elvis Costello’s old man was the voice of the original ® Whites “secret lemonade drinker”.

    Hope that helps.

  151. 151
    pointless emission #24731 says:

    You forgot to warn me about your creepy landlord. Who TF’s spe*arhead, E? Elvis Costello’s old man was the voice of the original ® Whites “secret lemonade drinker”.

    Hope that helps.

  152. 152
    Felix Hemsted says:

    Might you prefer the system used in Germany? their mixed member system (additional member system in the UK) has the benefits of first past the post i.e. a person is assigned a group of people to represent, whilst it also has a party-list system, so we also get PR

  153. 153
    Great Granddad says:

    Be careful what you wish for. You can take it from this old Rhodesian that No. 5 is the very last thing that you ever want to see. It will backfire.

  154. 154
    Felix Hemsted says:

    1. The best thing anyone could do to the corporation.
    2. Sorry, but this is a fundamental denial of their human rights. We elect them, so if you don’t want a PPE graduate in office, don’t vote for them.
    3. I agree. The Leveson inquiry is likely to propse a cure that is worse than the original problem.
    4. Again, this is a fundamental denial of his human right. However, I would wholeheartedly support him if he decided to go into a self-imposed exile.
    5. He is one of the most successful managers in english history, deal with it. Also, honours should only be withdrawn due to an extreme criminal offence.

  155. 155
    Herman van Rumboy says:

  156. 156
    To Be Fair says:

    To be fair comment of the day is only open to characters employed by this blog .

  157. 157

    The Philpotts have just been charged with the Murder of their kids !

  158. 158
    Slartibartfast says:

    Most PR friendly people in the Disunited Kingdom favour Single Transferable Vote which would use multi member constituencies, Felix. Not too dissimilar from what you describe. The difference is that each constituency would have several MPs representing the constituency rather than any wider additional member area or the whole nation in a party list system. I see that as a big advantage because it gives everyone in a constituency a much better chance to contact, if they need to, someone who they can feel represents them.

    I wouldn’t want to see any increases in the number of MPs so the constituencies would need to be bigger. Got to agree that the Germans have a much better system than ours. It’s getting to the point where the only vote worth making for a lot of people is to just give up and go down the pub on election day instead.

  159. 159

    Eddie Shah has been charged with sexual assault on girls aged between 12 and 15


  160. 160
    A Pensioner says:

    #3 can’t happen without #4

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    As long as the Great Repeal bill includes the ability to repeal the European Communities Bill then that’s what I’d vote for.

  162. 162
    Something is rotten in the state of Denmark says:

    Moody’s has downgraded the ratings for nine Danish financial institutions and for one foreign subsidiary of a Danish group by one to three notches.

  163. 163
    Gonk says:

    Yes, Its either your suggestion or compulsory Sunday school for delinquents.

  164. 164
    Kevin T says:

    Gotta be the “getting off the Titanic” bill. Everything else trivial by comparison.

  165. 165
    Ban chav scum from reproducing says:

    Just as I expected, those two chav scum parents have been charged with murdering their 6 children. How long before a Labour MP claims the parents only murdered their children because of the cuts? “Poor parents victimised by government cuts forced to sacrifice children to survive under Tories”.

  166. 166
    Steady Eddie says:

    Isn’t Eddie a Labour supporter?

  167. 167
    Eds wonky mouth says:

    number choo for me

  168. 168
    Mick Philpott says:

    They ain’t paying us enough benefit money so we got rid of six of our kids. Six less mouths to feed, know what I mean?

  169. 169
    A Nemo........ says:

    Andy Coulson has now been charged with Perjury………!!!!

    could this breaking story be smeared all over CMD door !!!

    No doubt the Biased Broadcasting Company aka BBC will be doing its upmost to make that the main agenda on every channel along with the usual annal rejects from ZanuLieLabor defecating the same line parrot fashion

  170. 170
    Black Swan says:

    Hello everyone!

    Just thought I’d pop in and introduce myself like you do, I know I know but better late than never eh! So who’s first then?

  171. 171
    pointless emission #24731 says:

    I knows that, babes. That’s why I done the comment ♥

  172. 172
    Libertarian says:

    Politically #3 has the most chance of making it through. I wager #4 will happen anyway. It’s written into the script now.

  173. 173
    Greece says:


  174. 174
    Joss Taskin says:

    Balls or Milibanwagon ?

  175. 175
    Gordon (I saved the World) Brown says:

    Can we include Harriet Harperson in this?

  176. 176
    Germany says:

    Why don’t you STFU!

  177. 177
    D L George says:


    #4 will never get anywhere, at least 3 may have a chance and by crikey do we need it.

    ps Note to Nell: Vote for 3, we can always tell Europe where to stick their laws, lots of other countries do.

  178. 178

    This has to be the most opportunistic piece of electioneering Ever
    Not only is it obviously set up , and the two labour twats have never set foot in a pasty shop before
    But blinky balls in his haste tries to jump the queue
    Can i have some pasties please ? What flavour ? Flavour ? oh i’ll have 8 sausage rolls please
    You can tell when he was younger , every time balls tried to buy condoms he ended up with a comb

  179. 179
    Italy says:

    Fuck you Black Swan, I’m TBTF!

  180. 180
    Spain says:

    That’s what I thought but the SHTF.

  181. 181
    Anonymous says:

    whats on the door, why its No.4. OUT OUT OUT!!!!!!!

  182. 182
  183. 183
    What a motley crew says:

    A strange bunch on tomorrow night’s Question Time. Alan Duncan, Stella Creasy, Victoria Coren, Fraser Nelson and Mark Oaten.

  184. 184
    David Rose says:

    Guido doesn’t employ me, he does still owe me a book!

  185. 185
    edochan says:

    I don’t understand the thing about competing currencies. What’s stopping people using them now?

    Tech-savvy people already use BitCoins. There was some suggestion that they might fall foul of EU regulations on electronic currencies which were written on the assumption that they’d have an organization being behind them rather being entirely peer-to-peer, but those are regulations designed specifically to _allow_ competing online currencies.

  186. 186
    David Rose says:

    Is you’re mother much older than you Tat? We know you had a difficult relationship with older women, but I hope you can overcome these problems and attain a superficially normal life.

    Get well soon.

  187. 187
    not a machine says:

    Ah but are you only in the box when I open the lid ?

  188. 188
    Guest says:

    What about the “All of the Above” bill?

  189. 189
    Vito Corleone, capo di tutti capi delle cinque famiglie says:

    It hasn’t happened in the UK– not YET. This policy is subject to revision.


  190. 190
    Andrew Efiong says:

    You’d have to find him. He doesn’t show up in Parliament, he’s on the run and ashamed of his disastrous record of ruin in government.

  191. 191
    not a machine says:

    I think , you could try and work out why none competeing currencies are in trouble first , before venturing onto the hopes that by making a devlaued currency , revalue over time , as solving debt , rather than money circulation .

  192. 192
    BBC up the Bum says:

    and of course the fcuking Biased Broadcasting Companies lead webnews report is, now wait for this, “the Andy Coulson perjury charge” typical of the fcuking left wing crap these over paid brown shirt lifters defecate on the country 24/7……….

    One day they be dealt with…………like flushing the loo…….& they are all gone……

  193. 193
    Gissa clue says:

    What, ‘invested’ like Gawdoom Brun did?

  194. 194
    Gordon Brown says:

    Saving the world gives me the wood.

  195. 195
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    When there is a tragedy on the scale of the philpott case, like a mass shooting etc., and the perpetrator is somehow aligned to a ‘far right’ group, the B-bbc likes to drop in a mention that the villain of the piece voted for or had some far right sympathies, usually naming the party. To them that Is significant and an exemplar of the type of person who has, in their terms, far right Sympathies, and by extension, though slightly less extreme, any person not of the left.

    Yet when there is no such connection, however tenuous, to a right wing group there is no mention of the persons political preferences, let alone that they voted for or were aligned to a union or the labour party.

    Now what’s the betting this philpott is a lie boore voter.

  196. 196
    Andy Coulson says:

    I’m innocent of all charges and deserve a third chance ffs.

  197. 197
    bald old git says:

    No coverage on Coulson?

  198. 198
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Nigel…. a genius amongst fools

  199. 199
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    you could probably ask your employer, or people who buy stuff or services off you, to pay more because the swiss franc has gone up in value.

    You could probably be told to piss off too.

  200. 200
    jgm2 says:

    It’s not looking good for Coulson.

    I know he’s accused of perjury over the Tommy Sheridan case but what, specifically, is he accused of? What particular piece of Coulson’s evidence is being classed as ‘perjury’?

    Just curious.

  201. 201
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    There we go. Fix greece by droiving it into a ditch.

  202. 202
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I had a link yesterday from 2011, telegraph.

    I think its that he said his standard lines about not knowing about any hacking or dodgy police payments – but doing it in court during the Sheridan case.

  203. 203
    Tardkiller says:


    read The Plan and you will know that most, if not all the Repeal Bill can be done

  204. 204
    Robinson says:

    Although the others have merit, I think 4 is going to win and as I always like to be on the winning team, I voted for it.

  205. 205
    it's a racket says:

    they just want your email address

  206. 206
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    ‘… this exercise in direct democracy…’

    An MP gives you a choice of five pre-selected no-hope Bills he may present. And that’s what passes for ‘direct democracy’?

  207. 207
    Dude says:

    My god !

    A brand new monetary policy would be IMMENSE.

    Stop those Huntbags in westminster and the BOE Huntbags stealing your hard-earned to cover their mistakes.

    Did I say mistakes? I meant FRAUD and THEFT.

  208. 208
    Taxed-to-Fuck says:

    thought you were on strike doc

  209. 209
    abdul the bulbul amir says:

    Wye is it having but the one vote?
    used to having many votes by post i am

  210. 210
    Paul says:

    And me

  211. 211
    Edinburgh can go and fuck itself. says:

    Out of Europe!

  212. 212
    Burt Bacharach says:

    FYI, the email address box doesn’t let you type in enough characters on the iPhone. Had to get on the desktop…

  213. 213
    Mister Cameron says:

    No! I do not permit you to raise the EU issue! It’s all fine why prod me like this???

  214. 214
    Small Change says:

    Bilderberg 2012!
    Elites Plot in Secrecy!
    Global banks, compulsary internet IDs, you name it!

  215. 215

    Why dont we just enact the treason ACT. Any one who is found to favour a foreign powers agenda above that of Great Britain and its people. The Gallows would be full swing.
    All of our previous leaders would be the first to take the Drop, Any politician who has attacked our Freedom by supporting a foreign controlled PRESS that has brain washed the electorate to cede power. Global warming fraud bankrupting manufacturing. Illegal Wars, Phoney Drug policy and Wars.

  216. 216
    just 8illy says:

    Neo Guido.
    Just got the email confirming winning the flowers in the caption competition.
    Thank you.
    Would it be possible to forward them instead to a Mrs Fawkes c/o your offices, who has been saddled with a miserable bugger moping about , worrying about the Irish referendum result.
    Nobody deserves a wet blanket on this jubillee weekend.
    Fondest regards to Olivia.

  217. 217
    Eccentric Doug says:

    That Mr Carswell looks a little mad.

  218. 218
    David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

    lol x x and laughing rather loudly.

    *does a davey wavey to #34*

  219. 219
    Forkbender says:

    jgm2 , you are hereby nominated to do the evil deed if found guilty, any more nominations before nominations close

  220. 220
    Blog watcher says:

    And your winning entry??

  221. 221
    Forkbender says:

    And of course Guido has your email addy

  222. 222
    Expat Geordie says:

    Umbongo? Don’t they drink it in the Congo?

  223. 223

    Problem is, these are the same flowers which Mrs Fawkes threw back at him when he had brought them home from a three bottle lunch as a *pеace* offering, thinking erroneously that it would fix the problem.

  224. 224

    So does Justin Bieber’s eyebrow.

  225. 225

    For the words of the profits were written on the studio wall
    Concert hall
    And echoes with the sounds of salesmen

  226. 226
    Well it's a thought says:

    Why bother they politician’s don’t take any notice anyway, even when the people voting is at it’s lowest, giving them a hint that they are crap they still come out and shout they have a mandate from the voters,fck em!

  227. 227
    Polythesis says:

    In fact we are in a war, we just have not realised it yet. These scum have big plans and they think they are untouchable.

  228. 228
    Hang The Bastards says:


    FFS Guido give us some feedback

  229. 229
    nellnewman says:

    I really think this is the ideal moment for bliar to launch his ‘Bliar for UK president’ campaign.

    After all, polls show he would get 50% of 20% of the electorate’s vote. And as the Dr’s are saying over their strike ballot, 18% of their membership vote is a majority!

  230. 230
    nellnewman says:

    This coulson / sheridan thingie. I thought coulson was called by sheridan’s defence to bolster sheridan’s case. Surely if coulson is now found guilty of perjury, that cements sheridan’s guilt even further?!

  231. 231
    Yuri Nate says:

    I heard a rumour that David Cameron has recorded a cover version of “U-Turn” by Usher.

    It’s a blinder !

  232. 232

    No 3 for me. Less laws = less lawyers

  233. 233
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    No, hold an auction for the privilege and repay the national debt.

  234. 234
    Licence Payer says:

    For fucks sake Guido, your getting as bad as The BBC as your now showing repeats. Wasnt this thread shown the other day ???

  235. 235
    I know our legal system is fucked but... says:

    Nell Lay off the Turnip Hooch !

  236. 236
    Anonymous says:

    Well Tom, why don’t you bog off to a country that has no monarch? You could always try mother russia.
    These anti-monarchists are usually the great unwashed, so you won’t be missed.

  237. 237
    Spangles says:

    What a lo*d of ar.se.h*les. Pi.g. ig.n.orant bolshies. It must be nice to pick on an elderly lady who has NEVER let this country down. Pathetic!

  238. 238
    Spangles says:

    Ask Twatson about food bills. He claims the maximym. Greedy fat f*c.ker.

  239. 239

    Spain calls for eurozone fiscal authority.FT

    From that bastion of fiscal rectitude…

  240. 240
    knock out says:

    Hahaha, Schrodinger gets down wiv da yoof.

  241. 241
    Raving Loon says:

    If you had a paper currency backed by nothing, and another currency which you could exchange for a guaranteed quantity of gold, which one do you think people would use?

  242. 242
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m a great believer in fiscal rectitude – aren’t I nurse ? (Shall I find your rubber gloves for you ?)

  243. 243
    Expat Geordie says:

    I see that a British hostage has been rescued in Afghanistan. At least Cameron has the political balls to order such ops to go ahead. Gormless Gordon was told that we knew where the British hostages were in Iraq but wouldn’t authorise a rescue attempt in case it failed and he looked bad. End result, the hostages were murdered.

  244. 244
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Are we related?

  245. 245
    Handycock no1 Trougher in Parliament says:

    Nick Clegg was only trying to garner votes when he proposed the recall MP’s Bill, he was not being serious as many of us would be recalled which would be both too expensive and unjust. I would much appreciate it if someone could propose my elevation to the Lords though, so that I can carry on troughing, when I leave the Commons. Boaz.

  246. 246
    anonymous says:

    the queen is a c’unt
    david cameron is a c’nt
    boris johnson is a c’unt
    miliband is a c’unt
    bliar is a c’unt
    brown is an unemployable c’unt
    bbc is a c’unt
    the telegraph is a c’unt
    the mail is a c’unt
    celebrities are all c’unts
    the bankers are c’unts
    the elites are ALL c’unts
    idiot tory boy bloggers are c’unts

  247. 247
    Cameron is a Cunt says:

    cameron is a c’unt

  248. 248
    Expat Geordie says:

    It means that he probably wont be blogging over the Bank Holiday weekend.

  249. 249
    Wee Little Jimmy Saville's Bollox says:

    I fink it’ll get to number one

  250. 250
    Mehdi says:

    OK… how about this. Harman does the ping pong ball trick – except with Blair – who is fired into McMental’s midriff, popping his big dumb jug eared McSkull right off, which flies through the air hitting Harman with terrific force killing her instantly.

    I’ll accept that. It’s got more watch-again appeal than a straightforward firing squad, although that tempts.

    I really am sick of them. They’ve been stalking politics my whole adult life, and I wish they would all just fuck the fuck off.

  251. 251
    anonymous says:

    all MPs are c’unts
    all local councils are c’unts
    the british establishment are c’unts
    the olympic games organising committee are c’unts

  252. 252
    nellnewman says:

    “Spain calls for eurozone fiscal authority.FT”

    I think that means – ‘don’t ask us to take decisions or find money – just do it for us and dig us out of that hole we dug ourselves into’ !!

  253. 253
    nellnewman says:

    You are an absolute showcase for 13 years of labourneducation aren’t you?!

    Thank God for Gove !!!

  254. 254
    Mehdi says:

    Whichever one they could use to pay to ring up and vote on The Voice.

    People are shit thick regarding Gold, other than its Lizzy Duke trinket and Gangsta necklace value.

  255. 255
    nellnewman says:

    A Thought for the Diamond Jubilee.

    How about the obese prezza and his hairspray missus for president and wife instead of Her Maj?

    Of course he’d need loads more money than Her Maj does!!

    Wouldn’t look very good either inspecting troops or acknowledging public displays of loyalty on the Buckingham Palace Balcony. Can you imagine anybody and I mean anybody!!! turning up to hail him?!

  256. 256
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    You should join the FibDems or the Liebour party. That’s where you’ll find all the losers, haters and Cro-Magnon commies. They’ll welcome you with open arms.

  257. 257
    nellnewman says:

    Talking of poison and cancer reminds me of bliar and his post no 10 middle east make £millions venture that is following on from his no 10 incumbency middle east make war period.

  258. 258
  259. 259
    Slartibartfast says:

    How would sending an old lady into luxurious exile be “picking on her”?

  260. 260
  261. 261
    Baroness Warsi says:

    I told you all to back me to be the next Cabinet member to go.

    Just read tomorrows Sunday telegraph if you don’t believe me.

    I’m finished but 2/1 is still available at most bookies !

  262. 262
    Eric Pickles is useless says:

    Good idea. We’d also be able to rid ourselves of a number of our loonier councillors in local government who think they were elected to conduct foreign policy.

  263. 263
    just a thought says:

    What are these charities doing placing people in volatile countries?

  264. 264
    Anonymous says:

    Switzerland seems to have managed splendidly being out of the EU, so why can’t we?

  265. 265
    A. Cunt says:

    That’s an insult to Hunts!

  266. 266
    Anonymous says:

    Most of us go through a republican phase.
    Mine lasted from when I was young,idealistic and naive picketing Wapping,joining Scargill’s Real Labour Party and being beaten up on the anti-war demo.
    But then I grew up.

  267. 267
    Cruel and Very Unusual Punishments says:

    Way too quick!

  268. 268
    don't be a tw*t all your life says:

    I think you’ll find you’re a c’nt.

  269. 269
    Anonymous says:

    Didn’t Campbell and his wife work for Eddie Shah’s former newspaper Today?

  270. 270
    Chris Huhne says:

    I will propose you Handy, as soon as I have got rid of this criminal trial round my neck. Jahbulon.

  271. 271
    Baroness Houdini says:

    I’m still here !! :)

  272. 272
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    What’s really irksome, I think, is that possibly Guido could have posted the header (without the thread from the other day) with the headline “Back By Popular Demand” or somesuch. This way, it just looks like he can’t be arsed to do anything but give us stale leftovers. I sure hope he’s having fun with Mrs. F and the Guidettes this Jubilee Weekend; at least then he can be forgiven for the short shrift he’s giving the blog.

  273. 273
    not a machine says:

    mmm Ruperts spices …… directorship co shared with member of Iz-ut thair not declared ever , mmm not exactly friends and influence lite is it .

    Now looking at wed for any EU announcement/move from what I can tell . Lib dems alledgly in talks with labour …. oh well scuppers eds Eu vote , knavery par excellence . Keep calm and enjoy the celebrations . Is is so hard for some politicos to just let a celebration be a celebration .

  274. 274
    Researcher says:

    Don’t you feel a bit of c’unt writing all that out?

  275. 275
    not a machine says:

    Just how many semi annoucements so far as solution ??

    48hrs runs out on monday , hardly sending any signals out to markets so far of solution to convince are they ……

  276. 276
    Tesco is fucking the country says:

    Thought you were dead, Anonymous fuckwit. NO such luck.

  277. 277
  278. 278
    Gordon Brown, allegedly a Member of the House of Commons (not able to be confirmed at present), says:

    Tell my wife and kids I am just going outside and I may be a while…

  279. 279
    Not a Spice Girl me says:

    Rupert’s Spices? The bear-faced cheek of this woman!

  280. 280

    Things that go…


    …in the night.

  281. 281
    Spangles says:

    **applause** Anonymong IS a first class c.u..n..t.

    Bog off you nutter.

  282. 282
    Spangles says:

    Well said nell.

  283. 283

    One should not be too hasty in accusing our pyrotechnician of dispensing tact or diplomacy, finesse in such areas could not easily be alleged to be his forté.

  284. 284

    Déjà poo again and again?

  285. 285
    Rip Van Winkle says:

    Wake me up before you go go.

  286. 286
    June 3 says:

    June 3

  287. 287
    Baroness Warsi says:

    I’m a dead Baroness walking

  288. 288

    Thank you Captain Porridge Oates.

    Why didn’t you say that fifteen years ago?

  289. 289
    M N Taal says:

    Icebergs, oceanliners, ……

  290. 290
    Abid Hussain says:

    HA ! HA ! HA !

    Couldn’t have happened to a nicer Baroness (Warsi) !!!!!!

  291. 291
    Abu Qatada says:

    I might be able to assist Baroness Warsi

  292. 292
    Cats n Dogs says:

    How come you twats in London can’t use hose pipes? From what I can see on the TV you don’t have a shortage of supply of the wet stuff.

  293. 293
    Rip Torn says:

    We’re not hosting an intergalactic kegger here, you know.

  294. 294
    David Cam..er..on says:

    I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
    Toodle … er ….. pip !

  295. 295
    Maria says:

    Men with full bladders.

  296. 296
    Edna Swallows says:

    Lizzy reigned over the destruction of our once great empire into a teeny region of the EUSSR. Well done girl, you lost us an empire.

  297. 297
    EUSSR Commissariat says:

    Londonistan is officially in drought. You will NOT be allowed to top up your reservoirs under any circumstances. You are required to drink your own piss to save water.

  298. 298

    That is more than I can beer.

  299. 299
    anonymous says:

    tories running scared

    don’t like it up ‘em!!!!!

    simple minded folk following the rich mercenaries in case they get thrown some crumbs ………….

    happy to slaughter their own in an effort to be famous

    what shit they are

  300. 300
    Gone with the wind says:

    Does the light in the fridge go off when you close the door?

  301. 301
    Blair's act of vindictiveness says:

    Tony Blair made the Queen cry when he took away her boat. Horrible man.

  302. 302
    iainspaton says:

    Can we open-source whether George Osborne has broken the ministerial code by acting as James Murdoch’s glove puppet?

  303. 303
    Countdown to ExitDave says:

    1099 days to go, Dave.
    Have you found your compass yet ?


  304. 304
    Joseph Ordinary says:

    Who’s Douglas Carswell?

  305. 305
    The BBC is as balanced as a ducking stool says:

    Polly Toynbee still all over the BBC like a bad rash.

  306. 306
    Gideons Gang says:

    We have no confidence in Baroness Warsi remaining as a Cabinet member.

    Good Morning

  307. 307
    Blog watcher says:

    About time Guido told us who the anonymous MP is, writing in the Mail on Gideon. ( or indeed the Mail on Sunday )

  308. 308
    Boundary Commission says:

    We have no confidence in Gideon remaining an MP.

  309. 309
    Baroness Warsi says:

    Haven’t heard what Polly Toynbee has said yet,but I’m sure I’ll agree with her.

  310. 310
    Whistleblower says:

    A female MP.
    Priti Patel,Louise Mensch or Nadine Dorries

  311. 311
    go figure says:

    You would get the impression she’s employed by the BBC and that the BBC/Guardian were indeed one and the same.

  312. 312
  313. 313
    confession is good for you says:

    Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya
    Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya
    Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya
    O Lord Kumbaya

  314. 314
    Anonymous says:

    Question: Why are lefties fucking stupid?

  315. 315
    piss off you po faced cuпts says:

    I don’t know what you’re all whingeing about, you’re all cuпts.

  316. 316
    Dave, just give up says:

    Good morning my luvlies.
    So you Tory boyz – not a squeak about the Baroness?

    When are you going to begin clearing up your act?

    Vote UKIP

  317. 317
    nutter watch says:

    Rich mercenaries like Blair, Mandelson and Kinnoch you mean, and hypocrites to boot?

  318. 318
    woteva says:

    I wonder what the most relevant point here is, whether she’s a Tory or Asian? They just can’t help their cultural upbringing can they?

  319. 319
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Funny that if George Osborne is useless because of the pasty tax, what does that make Gordon Brown?

    Has Osborne flogged off our gold at rock bottom prices, raped the private pensions schemes, deregulated the banks or starved our soldiers of money for equipment, just to name a few things?

  320. 320
    labour mong and hypocrite says:

    As long as there as there’s a statute of limitations spanning at least three years.

  321. 321
    Anonymous says:

    It begs the question, wtf was she thinking after all the shit storm over expenses?

    Is Warsi…

    1) Incredibly thick.
    2) Forgetful.
    3) Blinded by avarice.
    4) Upholding her cultural values.

  322. 322
    Sour Grapes again from dear Old Polly says:

    She was talking toatl bilge(as per the norm)yesterday lunchtime ob BBC Dateline in relation to The Monarchy and HMQ…if she feels that way she really should just go to her villa in Tuscany and stay there…is she just bitter that she hasn’t been offered an honour do you think like her rival Dame Anne Leslie ?

  323. 323

    I hope Polly and YAB make a protest and throw themselves under the royal barge.

  324. 324
    National Socialist says:

    No, Major was the man who decided to scrap it.

  325. 325
    Ah! Monika says:

    Definitely NOT totty, but watch.


  326. 326
    Slartibartfast says:

    If you are replying to me, anonymous, then you must have reading difficulties. I am a constitutional monarchist.

  327. 327
    Ah! Monika says:

    Cross!! Well you certainly don’t make her proud.

  328. 328
    Mike Hunt says:

    Warsi in more trouble today for not declaring shareholder interests. I suppose she’ll smooth things over with a halal lamb curry with one set of people with whom she’s a meat eater, and a mushroom risotto with another set with whom she’s vegetarian.

  329. 329
    Anonymous says:

    Cute, talented and charming, definitely not the X Factor either.

  330. 330
    Science Fiction says:

    Prometheus is a cracking movie. Two new films this week by British directors. Ridley Scott with this, and, ahem, Ken Loach with The Angel’s Share. Give Loach’s socialist lecture a miss and watch Prometheus instead.

  331. 331
    Gordon Brown, alleged MP says:

    Well, 15 years ago I didn’t have a wife and children, Mr. Cat, which would have made doing that a bit difficult. But I could have said that to the public at large (and probably should have done), I will agree with you there.
    Now sing along with me:
    “Titus Oates and dozey doats and little lambzy divey…”

  332. 332
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I sit next to the Queen at the Jubilee concert?

  333. 333

    We pray that our Gracious Majesty should have the pleasure of viewing your body gently swaying from a gibbet as her Royal Rowbarge glides past the Elizabeth Tower.

    You would not want to live there any longer now it is being renamed anyway.

  334. 334

    Utter bollocks!

    That administration had ordered a new Britannia which the Blair government cancelled, pleading poverty whilst actually indulging on the biggest spendfest experience in the history of homo sapiens.

    You filthy, putrid revisionist! Tell me where you are and I will come and sit on your face and fart continuously until such time as you be dead.

  335. 335


    I admit to nothing.

  336. 336

    Ah! Titus! Another alleged conspirator… ;-)

  337. 337
    Watchman says:

    May I humbly suggest a more fundamental idea: a thorough investigation and exposure of those elite miscreants who have worked behind the scenes to bring about the chaos we are now in, and bring them to justice? The main approach would be to awaken the public by means of publications, lectures, blogs to really comprehensively hammer home exactly what has been going on. The ordinary media will not do this for us. As the spiritual avatar Jesus once stated, ‘Know thy enemies’.

    So far the ability of the general public to turn a blind eye knows no bounds. We should label this debilitating and stultifying reaction as ‘the ostrich effect’. The prevalent attitude among the British is to either pretend this dire 5+ year situation doesn’t exist, or to forget about it in the hope that the situation will will take care of itself, or other people will (it won’t and they won’t).

  338. 338
    Legalized Theft says:

    I see the Bank of England is planing on printing £50,000,000,000 more.

  339. 339
    Mark Oaten says:

    Of course you can and I’ll bring the coffee table.

  340. 340
    Anonymous says:

    The indecision – I am like a child in a sweet shop.

  341. 341
    Windy Miller says:

  342. 342
    annette curton says:

    Pantomime season already?, Open Sauce a’ me.

  343. 343

    I am always naturally suspicious of George Soros, given his attachment to socialism but his Remarks at the Festival of Economics at Trento (Seen Elsewhere) is about as bang on as it gets.

    As previously stated, I also have considerably sympathy for Germany but it now seems damned if it does and damned if it doesn’t.

  344. 344
  345. 345
    annette curton says:

    Not another Ponzi scheme.

  346. 346
    annette curton says:

    Get caught hacking.

  347. 347
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “5) All of the above”, to be sure. FYI, “begs the question” refers to assuming something not proved and is not an exact synonym for “raises the question.” E.G., “WTF was she thinking” begs the question, does she even think at all? Of course my raising this point begs the question, does anybody really give a good shit what “begging the question” actually means?

  348. 348
    annette curton says:

    Pony express deliveries have gone haywire again, has a horse died?.

  349. 349
    Danby says:

    I blame that young whippersnapper Gideon, besmirching the family name.

  350. 350
    Expat Geordie says:

    Try breaking them on the wheel. Should take about 12 hours.

  351. 351

    One has to watch any Treasurer closely especially a Lord High one.

  352. 352
    W S Gilbert says:

    Indeed – always keep a close eye on where they’re Chanel-
    ling the money in the (alleged) execution of their duties.

  353. 353

    Oh Afghanistan. If only you didnt produce the Worlds Heroin. We would not be interested in you. OH you didnt till NATO arrived. Well done Nato for making sure that the Taliban no longer rule to STOP the Opium. My brother is a Smack head Grass that works for the local Police force and he would be Fu-ked without his Methadone and Smack

  354. 354

    I forgot the Police would be up shit creak also without their Grasses to rely on.

  355. 355

    Or as you yourself might have said follow the Kitty.

  356. 356
    Dave E Jones says:

    A fine lady, the Lucy Turnier. I’m taking good care of her.

  357. 357
    ohwhat the heck.. says:

    The problem with Cam… he worships Traitor Blair. Atleast Thatcher was all about something more positive….i.e fulfilling human potential.

  358. 358

    Why don’t you post under your normal moniker any more?

    (I may half know the answer but perhaps not all of it.)

  359. 359
    analymous says:

    you prefer u-bend dave then do you, with lansley and hague and Osborne and warsi in tow – you are mad

  360. 360
    Dave E Jones says:

    And which one would that be now ? The Naughty Lass, perhaps ? Or the name that launched a thousand quips ? Maybe B o’Nissemats or Canon Fyre ?

  361. 361
    manicbeancounter says:

    The Bloggers Freedom Bill is the one best suited to a Private Members Bill. It is simple and a sensible solution to a growing problem. A grace period will allow ill-thought postings to be retracted, whilst not stifling comment or criticism.

    It muse be remembered that for a Private Members Bill to succeed it must be adopted by the Government, or the Government will be neutral. Otherwise it is 10 minutes in the spotlight for an MP, and nothing more.

  362. 362

    OK. I now realise that there are, and only ever have been, two posters on Guido Fawkes, namely you and me.

    A sort of solipsism for two.

    Better not say any more in case the advertisers tumble to it.

  363. 363
    costcutter1 says:


  364. 364
    Dave E Jones says:

    But that would mean one of us is Billy ….. surely not ?

  365. 365

    I had heard someone say (obviously you, as it was certainly not me) that there is a little bit of Bіlly in all of us…

  366. 366
    Dave E Jones says:

    Not if I can help it (to hell with little Nick’s exhortations) – and I could have sworn that was one of yours. Seems like our private space has been invaded.

  367. 367

    In this modern world, I didn’t realise I had a private space any more…

  368. 368
    Dave E Jones says:

    I fear you may be right. Do you think I should check for telescreens behind the pictures on my walls ?

  369. 369

    Imaginary ones? Or real?

  370. 370
    Dave E Jones says:

    Ah ! So although the curtains may be drawn the walls are real ?

  371. 371
    Leftie rabblerouser says:

    Te fact that you right wing tosspots expend so much bile and hatred on GB makes me warm to him in a way i never did when he was PM.

  372. 372

    I hope you have managed to profit both financially and in terms of personal satisfaction from your undoubted intelligence.

    Said without irony.

  373. 373
    Dave E Jones says:

    You know, it’s a funny thing but the world doesn’t seem to work quite like that. Maybe I need to find a reality where it’s the walls that are drawn. Have I guessed your secret ?

  374. 374
    Umbongo says:

    Umbongo here.

    Wot ‘rong wid mah name ?

    ‘Dis really good blog ‘ting wid reel intellyjent peeple.

  375. 375

    If I have a secret, nobody has let me in on it.

    However, although I am not an adherent of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the opening lines of his Social Contract, have a power that has sustained me and doubtless many others. In a way, that is similar to what you describe.

  376. 376
    Dave E Jones says:

    Homework … OK.
    Unless this really is the Matrix and I can download it direct this may take a little while …..

  377. 377

    Which, in my distant memory, is where we came in…

  378. 378
    Forkbender says:

    Murdoch: “That’s my idea to put Tit and Bum in the soar away Sun, I was there before Dirty Des”

  379. 379
    Forkbender says:

    Are you going to give him some, I thought he had some unless he is a she then she is an ugly woman

  380. 380
    The Golem says:

    To anyone with any regard for this country and its people, these are all essential bills. It’s been a difficult choice.

  381. 381
    Baz Teale says:

    My walls stand firm.


    Oh, I don’t know, though.

Seen Elsewhere

Javid: Let Tories Campaign For Out Vote | House
Ministry of Justice Loses Death Inquiry Data “In the Post” | TechnoGuido
Europe’s Crisis is Cameron’s Opportunity | Speccie
Sajid Javid is the Ultimate Thatcherite | Buzzfeed
Ed Argar Selected in Dorrell Seat | Leicester Mercury
88% of New Labour MPs Are Union Bods | Mark Wallace
Massively Popular Porn Site is Infecting Users | Techno Guido
Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
Introducing the New CapX | CapX
Burnham’s Newsnight Debacle Dissected | Dan Hodges
How I Survived Dry January | Nigel Farage

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