May 31st, 2012

This Week’s Guidogram, Written By the Intern…

The Guidogram round-up goes out weekly. It covers all the goings on and the best bits of the blog you may have missed in the week. This week we made the successful summmer-intern-to-be have a three bottle lunch with us, and then write the Guidogram. We explained to him that over 10,000 Westminster insiders from Downing Street and all the newsrooms are on the list.  No pressure.

Join the conspiracy and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, it is free, and keep in the loop.

You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


189 Comments

  1. 1
    Need to know? says:

    Is there any compo if its rubbish?

    Like

    • 11
      Twisted Nerve says:

      “…..over 10,000 Westminster insiders from Downing Street and all the newsrooms are on the list…..”

      Hardly going to start the revolution, is it dear?

      Like

    • 27
      Louise Mensch says:

      Like

      • 30
        Ms Mental says:

        “Of course the PM won’t be referring Jeremy Hunt as there was, obviously, no breach of the min code. Once again, Labour overshoots the mark.”

        Like

        • 35
          Eric Joyce says:

          Did someone mention a mini bar?

          Like

        • 47
          a non says:

          Premature ejaculation is a recognised Socialist failing. Hardly surprising their spokesman Balls always warns against too fast too deep.

          Like

        • 167
          Tomorrow's Chip Wrapper says:

          The “Counsel for the Prosecution” Mr Jay QC couldn’t quite make the charge stick even though he had approx 150 ring binder files weighing half a ton to consult and assist…at one stage poor Jezza who was seemingly deluged with paper was having trouble locating Folder 32 Containing Sheet 01768 sub page aa/0043#45…”Is it the one on the monitor ?” he asked helplessly !!!!

          Like

    • 75
      Get it right says:

      Intern is a USA thing.

      Apprentice is the Great Britain equivalent

      Like

    • 84
      More Famous intern says:

      Monika Lewd turns 50 this week – how about that eh.

      Like

    • 188
      Peter Grimes says:

      If the intern managed to neck more of the 3 bottles than Guido/Neo-Guido (unlikely I know!), then it is highly likely to be more comprehensible than a ‘normal’ edition!

      Like

  2. 2
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Oh dear, not a good day for the BBC. Steve Hewlett on the BBC sticking up for Hunt.

    The Champagne bottles won’t be strewn around the BBC tonight.

    Like

    • 68
      Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

      All the leftie twats out on Twitter congratulating Watson on his snide, sneering, spiteful little diatribe against Hunt in the Grauniad. The money-grubbing MP is now desperately pointing his hypocritical finger at George Osborne.

      All those smug lefties that were at the self-congratulatory awards evening that Guido attended must be spitting nails that Hunt is still in situ.

      Like

      • 162
        Anonymous says:

        Watson is Wormtongue to Brown’s Dark Lord, just going about his master’s business of overbearing spite and mendacity. It’s all part of the programme of the threat to destroy Murdoch by that fucking awful waste of oxygen, Brown.

        Like

      • 175
        Anonymous says:

        Watson looks and writes like a defrocked lefty vicar, who went on to become a Scout master, and then had “legal difficulties” involving a woggle, a Scout, and a jar of Vaseline.

        Like

    • 118
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      So let me get this right. If the BBC broadcast views in opposition to Hunt they are biased. If they broadcast views in favour of Hunt, its a bad day (presumably they had no prior conversation with Hewlett so had no idea what was coming). Dear boy, do you have any ancestors named Goebbels by any chance?

      Like

      • 126
        Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

        The BBC are biased c u n t z

        Like

        • 133
          Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

          My mistake. Your ancestor was obviously Goering as he was the thick one.

          Like

          • armite says:

            All the BBC need to do Tristam is to report the news without ANY BIAS whatsoever. They are a public service, paid for by the public.

            They should not be spouting leftie b*llox or any other b*llox for that matter.

            The BBC is an utter disgrace and should be made to go commercial and pay for itself. We’d soon see how long it lasts then.

            Over staffed and over opinionated l*ad of leftie tossers.

            Like

  3. 3
    You don't believe we're on the eve of destruction says:

    I hope she is a good as Nomates

    Who, I see, invites you to her gigs…

    Like

  4. 4
    annette curton says:

    Ouoh!, “three bottle lunch”, Tomato ketchup, H.P.Sauce and Non-brewed Condiment.

    Like

  5. 5
    Rebekah and Charlies says:

    Recent report on our Bullingdon Club meeting at Chequers :

    “We saw of media journalists so we moved to a different part of the quadrangle. There may or may not have been trees”.

    There was certainly a Prime Minister and a Horse…

    Like

  6. 6
    Rupert my Hero says:

    Unpaid ?

    Like

  7. 7
    Rupert my Hero says:

    or Underpaid ?

    Like

  8. 8
    Rupert my Hero says:

    or is a Member of Parliament ?

    Like

  9. 9
    BlowingWhistles says:

    Don’t forget the “Leapfrogged over” appearance of Peter Brooke at Leveson.

    For the unenlightened:-

    Leveson = Judge
    Peter Brook = Older brother of another Judge
    Lord Justice Brook = Younger brother of Peter Brooke.

    No bias, conflicts of interest, partiality, slef-protection etc there then…. Brother!

    Like

  10. 10
    Lizzie says:

    “This week we made the successful summmer-intern-to-be have a three bottle lunch with us”

    One suspects a mere three bottle lunch with Guido means the poor intern didn’t get anything to drink anyway …

    Like

    • 12
      Mini Gouiido says:

      I was the culprit

      I scoffed it all ‘cos they told me it was a Tatler event

      Like

      • 38
        Lizzie says:

        It probably was, one can easily envisage Guido taking an intern-to-be to a do paid for by someone else and calling it an introductory lunch!

        Like

    • 64

      If one spends too long on the internet, one finds that other uses of bottles exist apart from holding drіnk prior to consumption.

      Now I would never want to spread tittle-tattle about our esteemed host.

      But…

      Like

  11. 14
    Dr Freud said all women suffered from penis envy says:

    This blog has become confusing

    It seems to be an unnautral cross between the Daily Fur and the Tatler

    That will produce endless Y Fronts, I believe

    Like

  12. 18
    The Pope's Butler, temporarily incapacitated says:

    I think you should raise your game Guido

    And talk about things intellectual and spiritual for once

    Like

  13. 19
    2f9n0 says:

    Have you screwed the intern yet?

    Like

    • 21

      Oldest question on the internet:

      How do you know the intern is a she?

      Like

      • 23
        Demonic Strauss Kahn says:

        After three bottles that is an irrelevant detail

        Like

      • 48
        Raving Loon says:

        If her voice is deeper than yours, it’s probably a bad sign. Unless of course you’re Joe Pasquale, in which case never mind.

        Like

        • 52

          Just looked Joe Pasquale up on Wiki.

          Unsurprised that I have never heard of him.

          Since I am not offering internships, despite the cheap wine here, that keeps me out of the danger area.

          Like

          • Sir Aston Martin says:

            ^^^

            I happen to know SC has a treasured collection of Max Bygraves LPs (issued by Pickwick and, er, Ronco). He was also a fan of Val Doonican before the drugs kicked in. Am highly sceptical of this claim not to have heard of the squeaky-voiced loon.

            Like

          • What’s with all the snarky ^^^, biatch?

            I resumed my attendances at rock concerts last year. Went to see Uriah Heep at Simbach-am-Inn and Kansas at Bochum. Both fantastic. I am an unstructured prog-rock freak.

            Never even once watched I’m a Celebrity da-da-da once – even when I lived in England.

            Asti is a Simon Schama lover (interpret at will) (he also plays Tears by Ken Dodd every morning) so you can base your opinion of his veracity on that fact alone…

            Like

          • Whilst unstructured may be correct but should have read unreconstructed.

            Doh!

            Like

          • Sir Aston Martin says:

            Cutting edge stuff:

            Tears for souvenirs are all you’ve left me
            Memories of a love you never meant
            I just can’t believe you could forget me
            After all those happy hours we spent (together)

            Tears have been my only consolation
            But tears can’t mend a broken heart I must confess
            Let’s forgive and forget
            Turn our tears of regret
            Once more to tears of happiness

            Etc. Tragedy brought to life. The human condition laid bare.

            Bollocks aside, Doddy is a genuine English droll, and surely he has exactly the right attitude towards HMRC.

            PS Not really a Schama fan, but he kicks Bronowski’s arse.

            Like

          • AC1¾ says:

            Your face needs restructuring, that’s for fucking sure.

            Like

          • Do mind that building that is just about to fall on top of you…

            Ooops! Too late.

            Like

    • 41
      After a dozen they're all the same says:

      I just tell ‘em to drop ‘em, bend down and hang on their socks

      Like

    • 57
      Felix says:

      Read the article idiot. It clearly says “We explained to him”

      Like

  14. 29
    Peta says:

    Because the email address I used to subscribe to the Guidiogram was shortly to become obselete I unsubscribed, fully intending to subscribe again under a new email address. It seemed a reasonable thing to do. Why would you want to send emails to an obsolete addy? It would just waste bandwidth on an already crowded internet.

    Before I had a chance to resubscribe, and while the old email account was still active, I received a response to my ‘unsubscription’. The unsubscription is just a list affair, no question of giving reasons so I certainly didn’t criticise the Guidiogram. I can’t quote exactly because I didn’t bother to keep it but the response was along the lines of “we never much liked you anyway”. Such pique! Needless to say, after that display of juvenile ego I didn’t trouble to resubscribe.

    Like

  15. 34
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    Just a thought is your new intern medhi hason or owen i scream like a girl jones

    Like

  16. 40
    Mzzzzzz. ‘Mad’ Batty Hatty HaHaHaPerson, the LieBore Gift that keeps on giving says:

    If you boyz want any help wiv Meedia ‘n stuff – DO get in touch wiv me! – or in any uvva way you like! – like Tony, – I’m open to all offas!

    Like

  17. 43
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Ha! Channel 4 news now reporting that people killed in Syria were killed by neighbours NOT Syrian government.

    So when will BBC say sorry?

    Like

  18. 44
    Jeremy C/Hunt - Renaissance Shyster, Polygaff, Media Smarm-mongerer & Secretary Of State For Culture says:

    hi dave. did i perform well? blinked at camera few times but avoided smirking overall. democracy + plurality etc. should distract attention from coulsons arrest. any news of a plum job for adam?

    Like

    • 45
      Crouching Lettuce, Hidden Quisling says:

      thx jeremy. already declaring that you are now inviolate. need you 199% in your role. tell adam to keep his head up & am looking 4 new job 4 him in quango sumwhere.

      LOL XXX

      Like

    • 60
      Sir William Waad says:

      Lovely suit, Jeremy.

      Like

  19. 54
    chris huhne says:

    I’m in court tomorrow!

    Like

    • 82
      Brown Envelope says:

      Hope you have prepared the necessary donations (£20 notes in bundles of 100 +) for this one Chump. This is not going to be an easy one to get away with – and we know you’ve got a lot of lolly stached away.

      Your on the stage by the way; but good of you to state in court. Remember your actors union card has only been renewed this year so that might be a problem also – another bundle or two perhaps.

      Like

    • 161
      Marmite says:

      Can’t wait you b*stard!

      Like

  20. 58
    Bugler Bert says:

    May I suggest an idea to stop the lefty BMA dead in the water? It is simple:- make the senior civil servants that are on the same pay scales pay the same amount into their pensions…..That would upset all those overpaid Labourites whose “advice” is wrecking the budget in the ghastly hope of getting Labour back in control asap!

    Like

  21. 61
    Naughty Johnny says:

    Verdict in John Edwards trial due very soon.

    Like

    • 156
      John Edwards says:

      I beat the rap on one count and got a hung jury on the other five, and the feds have no plans to re-try me. I’m doin’ pretty good for a li’l ol’ country lawyer. Well, the first syllable of “country” anyway.

      Like

  22. 62
    a non says:

    Austerity bites eh Neo.?
    Normally suave and debonair may I humbly suggest a new blade in your shaver. For a spokesman on the Beeb you did not shine for your choice of openshirt and 3 oçlock shadow [ I know it is meant to suggest virility but it reminded me of Gordon]

    Like

  23. 66
    Pot to piss says:

    I’m all for innocent until proven guilty but Mick and Mairead Tosspot have guilty written all over their fugly faces.

    Like

  24. 69
    Dirt Cheap Guido says:

    I’m not sure that third Alka Seltzer was a good idea. My tongue’s swollen and I can’t piss. I’m taking the rest of this week off. Byeee…

    Like

    • 129
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      I believe those were Boris’ symptoms after going after the wrong intern.

      Like

  25. 70
    HD internet porn circa 1977: extended version says:

    Like

  26. 77
    Pot to piss says:

    I don’t think it went wrong from their point of view. Killing the children was probably part of the plan. The council had steadfastly refused to give them a bigger house, so they probably decided a new house of the same size would be preferable but with 6 less kids to house and feed. If you watch their press conference they kept dabbing their eyes with tissues but there were no tears! They were just dabbing dry eyes. The dad Mick also has a previous conviction for attempted murder for stabbing an ex girlfriend 18 times. And he’s had 17 children in total by 5 different mothers. And yet people still think the underclass sewage of the country should be allowed to reproduce.

    Like

  27. 81
    will says:

    amazing how tom watson is allowed to write a column in the guardian surely someone should probe the link here and how much info is he leaking to the guardian

    Tom Watson “And with all the mesmeric revelations at the royal courts, poor Tommy Sheridan sits in his living room, ringed by an electronic tag that forces him home before the moon rises. If ever a man deserved a second chance it is Sheridan. If the prime minister wanted to atone, he might start by using his power to quash the Sheridan conviction: made by an eight to six verdict of a jury who were not in full possession of the facts.”

    So he wants david cameron to overturn a scottish courts verdict, I think that would cause real problems, as a english prime minister trying to overturn a scottish verdict. He shouls be appealing to alex salmon.

    Like

  28. 87
    David Trance says:

    +++ AN OPEN INVITATION TO A FORTHCOMING LIVE EVENT +++

    That’s right folks.

    Leave your prejudices at home; lock up the wife; put the money-grabbing kids you never meant to have on simmer; cover your PC screen with chicken wire and grab a few extra beers.

    This week’s edition features a cast of whackos, spacks, professional talking heads, the ‘general public’, other assorted socialists and, er……..VICTORIA COHEN…….. *sniffs*

    I apologise for sniffing inappropriately but I’ve just had a flashback to a day spent smelling answering Joan Bakewell’s chair phone.

    *sniffs* See you there, then?

    ++++ WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR THE FEEBLE OF MIND ++++

    http://biased-bbc.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/BBC%20Question%20Time

    Like

    • 88
      Genevieve says:

      No thank you. That blog detracts from what is already an hour’s piss-poor viewing time. The people that comment there are humourless and seemingly brain-dead.

      Like

    • 123

      Indeed David.

      Well in this weeks exciting episode of BBC Question Time Mr David Dimbledor chairs a debate from Rugby of all places. Where a handpicked herd of victimised brainwashed lefties all foaming at the mouth have been bused in from far and wide to make up the numbers.

      Joining Dimbledor on the biased panel tonight are:-
      Minister for uphill gardening & turd countersinking, Alan Duncan MP (age 55)
      Champagne socialist with aristocratic relations, Stella Creasy MP (age 36)
      Former Lib-Dem and rent boy turd chewing scatman, Mr Mark Oaten (age 48)
      Journo and current editor of the Spectator, posh boy Mr Fraser Nelson (age 39)
      Gambling addict and Guardian columnist Mrs Victoria Coren (age 39)

      Join the fun and games as we take the piss out of this pathetic excuse for an impartial debate, starts at 10:30pm and ALL are welcome!

      Just click this link and join in : http://tinyurl.com/cje4vjj

      Like

  29. 91
  30. 94

    In appreciation of Juliet Samuel:

    No longer a quarter of a century old in 10 days time.

    Like

  31. 101
    call me dave says:

    First!

    Like

  32. 116
    Saffron says:

    Balls with any economic knowse, don’t make me laugh,the guy is an economic joke along with his sponsor Brownie English hater.
    Millipede is still at school as regards our more tuned in people and is turning out to be a liability as regards the LIEBLAIRPARTY.
    Cammoron is also being seen as a muppet,him and his sidekick Gideon,and as for Cleggover well enough said.
    All in all what a bunch of abject chancers are purported to be running this land against the wishes of a majority of people in this land.
    When oh when sheeple are you going to wake up as to what you are being led to by the nose as to what is going on.

    Like

    • 157
      albacore says:

      You’ve got to concur it’s a joke and a half
      The commies must really be having a larf
      It doesn’t take Hitlers or Bonapartes
      Just tricksters, traitors and piss-taking farts
      Home-grown and nurtured, blood-sucking fleas
      To bring old England down to her knees

      Like

  33. 125
    Saffron says:

    Before I go to bed.
    HUNT a non story.
    BBC get over it,you lost.
    U turns again get over it you lost.
    BBC your mainline reporters are absolute shite,exactly what are you using licence payers money for in employing this kind of left wing rabble for?.
    We the licence payers would like to hear unbiased reporting of whatever events,which it appears to be not on your agenda.

    Like

  34. 128

    Indeed David.

    Well in this weeks exciting episode of BBC Question Time Mr David Dimbledor chairs a debate from Rugby of all places. Where a handpicked herd of victimised brainwashed lefties all foaming at the mouth have been bused in from far and wide to make up the numbers.

    Joining Dimbledor on the biased panel tonight are:-
    Minister for uphill gardening & turd countersinking, Alan Duncan MP (age 55)
    Champagne socialist with aristocratic relations, Stella Creasy MP (age 36)
    Former Lib-Dem and rent boy turd chewing scatman, Mr Mark Oaten (age 48)
    Journo and current editor of the Spectator, posh boy Mr Fraser Nelson (age 39)
    Gambling addict and Guardian columnist Mrs Victoria Coren (age 39)

    Join the fun and games as we take the piss out of this pathetic excuse for an impartial debate, be there at 10:30pm and ALL are welcome!

    Just click this link and join in : http://tinyurl.com/cje4vjj

    Like

  35. 137
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Isn’t it interesting that the BBC are painting Liebore as all innocent when it comes to the lobbying of NI over the BSkyB bid?

    But WHO WAS IT who got the Police to lobby for 90 day detention without trial

    Like

  36. 139
    A question of time says:

    Why does Victoria Coren insist on talking in such an irritatingly affected manner?!

    Like

  37. 140
    Mr JEREMY IMAC HUNT says:

    The only reason i kept my job is because Camerloon and Osbore put me up to it
    I have lied my arse off and sacrificed my Chum to save their scrawny necks
    I am really suprised that old Cleggover has kept quiet after old Vince was removed for not liking the Murdochs

    Like

  38. 141
    Mr JEREMY IMAC HUNT says:

    I see old Turd breath Oaten is on QT

    Like

  39. 142
    ah says:

    NEWSnight…. James Bond…..WTF???

    Like

  40. 144
    Mr JEREMY IMAC HUNT says:

    Notice the careful words on QT by the political crooks (MP’s) when talking about pension cuts
    “Many people across the country are having to comtribute more acept less pay out and work longer”
    But strangely enough NOT MP’s as they exempted themselves from the pension revue right at the start

    How long are we going to put up with being shafted by these wankers ?

    Like

  41. 148
    Handypara says:

    So Mark Oaten, on Newsnight, believes it would be jingoistic of us to wish to inhibit a flood of Greek immigrants seeking UK benefits.
    Arse!
    And the normally intelligent Victoria Coren totally ignores the difference in circumstances between when her ancestors came her and the current situation.
    Silly cow!

    Like

  42. 149
    Handypara says:

    So Mark Oaten, on Newsnight, believes it would be *jingoistic* of us to wish to inhibit a flood of Greek immigrants seeking UK benefits.
    Arse!
    And the normally intelligent Victoria Coren totally ignores the difference in circumstances between when her ancestors came her and the current situation.
    Silly cow!

    Like

    • 165
      Mark Oatibix says:

      Ooh look at me I’m sooo liberal. If any tramps, or even better, rent boys want to come and live in my house that’s fine by me, the wife and kids can just fuck off. Just come over, as many as you like, don’t worry about money I’m sure we can come to some arrangement.

      Like

  43. 159
    Gordon Brown, channelling his inner Mighty Mouse, says:

    Mr. Trouble never hangs around,
    When he hears I’m Gordon Brown!
    “Here I come to save the day!”
    Means that Gordon Brown is on his way!
    When there is a wrong I need to right,
    Gordon Brown will win the fight!
    On the sea or on the land,
    I have the situation well in hand!

    Like

  44. 166

    Huhne.

    Perverting the course of justice carries a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.

    Not long (enough) now…

    Like

  45. 169
    Well it's a thought says:

    See that vile woman Harriet Hatewhitemen is doing the the rounds of the studios trying to stir something up against Hunt,nobody cares a toss de ar, we want honest politicians, mine a tea with milk no suger de–ar, thank you .

    Like

    • 186
      just saying says:

      Gavin “off pay roll tax avoider” Esler let Harman ramble on relentlessly on Newsnight last night and then continually interrupted a rather good Home Office minister, who’s name escapes me, who was making excellent points regarding Hunt.

      Like

  46. 171
    anonymous says:

    i see that michael fallon is still not answering the media questions about jeremy c’unt’s appallingly misleading behaviour over the sky bid – he’s been doing this for some 12 hours now. cameron must be shit scared he’ll be undone by all of this. what a c’unt cameron is – in fact all tories are c’unts

    Like

  47. 174
    Trivial Harman says:

    Harriet Harpic screeching her trivia bile on every TV and radio station that has a time slot to fill. FFS get over it Harriet, Hunt did nowt wrong and there is a country to be run. Trivial persuit is a game.

    Like

  48. 179
    Mick Philpott is innocent you horrible baby eating Tories! says:

    What a charming man. Actually, what a tragic waste of skin and oxygen.

    Like

  49. 182
    Fabians are Evil says:

    Whilst all this froth and nonsense is being debated to death has no one noticed the economic tsunami hurtling over europe?

    Methinks its time to get the hell out of Europe, sell off the euros and lock up what is left of our gold reserves.

    Oh and you can leave Baroness Ashton behind – they are welcome to her!

    Like


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