May 27th, 2012

Lego Nurse

Guido had a lovely day at Legoland yesterday with the Fawkes girls.

It had unexpected consequences this morning:

Not to be snorted at…


  1. 1
    Reader says:

    Glad young ms Fawkes is ok.

    Is it worth going if you not taking kids tho?

  2. 2
    daveblogg says:

    I would be shitting bricks

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    You should have lived up to your namesake and blown the place up, do us all a favour.

  4. 4
    Dumb question says:

    But, how does a child end up with a piece of lego stuck up thier nose?

  5. 5
    George Osborne says:

    All I have up my nose is “charlie”
    Good Afternoon

  6. 6
    Well-wisher says:

    Ah, a civilised post from Guido. Sad how you needed to drag your family into things in order to write it. Such is the way of the world. I hope you little girl has recovered from her ordeal.

  7. 7
    Moral of story says:

    Don’t go around building a House of Cards (excuse pun Cad’s inferred!!) it’ll always fall over. Build it with proper bricks and mortar and sound ‘foundations’ (Not the Bliar/Clinton-style ‘Foundations’).

    If your building a Castle in the sand – it will be washed away.

  8. 8
    Italian cruises of the world unite says:

    This ia a lovely site as well

    Watch this space

  9. 9


  10. 10
    The Public says:

    George – You get up everybody’s noses.

    Geroge – be extra careful if swimming in the open sea in the Med – with your yachting buddies this summer. Remember old Robber Maxwell.

  11. 11
    JUST SAY NO ! to LEGO says:

    Now is a good time to stress that through out your life little miss Fawkes
    no matter what age you are or what ever people offer you ,
    Never shove anything up your nose!

  12. 12
    JUST SAY NO ! to LEGO says:

    You can read all about it in the 50p Star on Sunday next week

  13. 13
    Lloyds of London says:

    A little modern art to interest everyone (surviving)

  14. 14
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I didn’t know you had young daughters Guido.

  15. 15
    Old hand on this blog says:

    We love the Fawkes girls

    A pleasant respite

  16. 16
    Old hand on this blog says:

    I will be appearing tomorrow to succour my vanity and narcissism

    My old friends in Ajerbaijan were just a worm up

    Sorry that Humpy sung off note

    But that happens to ex awwanbes like us

    Tomorrown you will see a marvellous performance

    Slotty ha

  17. 17
    Court Reporter says:

    Too hard on Tony Blair the fraud ?

    I thought you likes hardcore stuff Guido now that you work for Dirty Desmond !

  18. 18
    Tom Baldwin says:

    Is that what a nose is for? Must tell Ed; bet he could get the whole of the Farm up there…

  19. 19
    BBC says:

    “Right-wing Tory forces child to sniff Lego”

  20. 20
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Was she copying daddy shoving things up his nose?

  21. 21
    Ed Miliband's displaced septum says:

    Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that excuse? Now, a second-class return to Doddingham please.

  22. 22
    Ian E says:

    Noone nose!

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Does Christine Lagarde pay tax on her IMF salary?

  24. 24
    Hyper Crite says:

    Does the head of the IMF pay tax on her salary

  25. 25
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    Guido; I would have suggested you enrol the help of SRN Anne (the man) Milton, but Eric Pickles borrowed her nurses outfit for the weekend meeting of the Westminster S&M Club, a sight which has already led to an epidemic of nausea in the party.

  26. 26

    Not blessed with children, are you.

  27. 27
    George Galloway with a Learjet says:

    Get me Gordon, tell him we are at war.

  28. 28
    agony aunt they says:

    Yet a valuable lesson for Guido.
    Always difficult for fathers with daughters.
    As kids or adults, you will need to lego eventually.

  29. 29
    Plato's Mum says:

    And if she does, which country does she pay them in?

    Do these rules apply to all members of the IMF?

  30. 30
    meccano says:

    Tory / Libertarian upbringing.
    Too far, too fast

  31. 31
    Restorative Justice says:

    Perhaps you should take the Fawkes girls on another visit so that the stolen piece of lego can be returned to its rightful owner.

  32. 32
    illogical says:

    Murphy’s Law of parenthood?

  33. 33
    t says:

    Only gone to A&E with the kids, couldn’t face it on my own

  34. 34
    gilbert says:

    That’s snot fair.

  35. 35
    Sky Boobies says:

    Lego is expensive these days. Paying through the nose…[groan]

  36. 36

    You are supposed to look at the exhibits , not shove them up your nose
    Note to Guido , cancel visit to sewage works

  37. 37
    Tattooed_Arry says:

    Mrs Arry, let out a scream that our daughter (then aged 5 or so) had something stuck up her nose and it was looking at her. She’d stuck a googly eye up her nose.

    Another visit to A&E with the same daughter was the result of swallowing a 2in self-tapping screw. One xray visit later we were discharged with a copy of the xray and instructions to monitor visits to the toilet until the screw turned up.

    Guess who had the job of retrieving each “dropping” and dissecting it until we were sure it had passed……….

    You need to keep an eye on the Lego girl, our version of the same has led us a merry chase over the years.

    She packed her bags with teddies and left home at 2yrs. Escaped from Nursery school at 3yrs by watching where the key went and then stealing it and letting herself out – found wandering home a couple of streets away by a complete stranger who recognised the uniform and returned her to school.

    Her older sister and younger brother are angels by comparison.

  38. 38
    Book early..for the performance of the year(The Stage) says:

    Looking forward to the old thesp’s performance tomorrow….masterclass in the offing…Dave can only stand in awe of such a consummate tearful performance of ace bullshitting from “Straightsortaguy”……

  39. 39
    Tony Blair says:

    ive been taking lessons in projection from Brian Blessed.


  40. 40
    spillchucker says:


    Labour party says Edanoid!

  41. 41
    this blog is riddled with 'em says:

    I imagine that you lot on here are sat in your underpants at the keyboard, wondering if it’s a good idea to visit some gay porn sites.

  42. 42
    Gonk says:

    Nasal inhalation in my lot limited to smarties and sweet corn.
    I think a suitable present in order, probably not building blocks.

  43. 43
    Peter Grimes says:

    Too right. Be thankful you were in the UK too. Many years ago in France elder son persuaded younger son that it would be a good idea to stick a peanut up his nose. You paid to have a doctor remove it in the days.

  44. 44
    see below says:

    Fuck off you media whore.

  45. 45
    I know someone in the IMF says:

    IMF staff (certainly non-American staff) based in DC don’t pay US tax on their IMF salary.

    Any other income is subject to US income tax and there are US taxes (federal, state and sometimes other) on purchases, services, etc.

    AFAIUI the thinking is that for an international organisation it is wrong for the host country (the US for the IMF) to gain tax revenue when the salaries are paid many countries.

  46. 46
    More sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze says:

    Can you spot the crooked little house where the crooked little Warsi made her crooked little claims?

  47. 47
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Dare one ask whether Nurse Pilgrim was on duty?

  48. 48
    Lord bumwatch says:

    Whats she building up there?

  49. 49
    No pun intended says:

    Glad that little miss Fawkes is none the worse for her ordeal. Just another of lifes experiences which she can build on.

  50. 50
    Tom Badwind says:

    I know the feeling.

  51. 51
    Joss Taskin says:

    What’s Red Ed got stuffed up his nose ?? The next bandwagon ?

  52. 52
    Sniper says:


  53. 53
    Sniper says:

    Wrong comment, apoloaggies.

  54. 54
    Lord Mandelabra says:

    Can I come?

  55. 55
    Jess The Dog says:

    Here’s something you should have taken along, to leave outside the mini Houses of Parliament.

    On second thoughts, maybe one Duplo Trough is not enough….

  56. 56
    Lord Mandelabra says:

    Hole are welcome.

  57. 57
    A&E insider says:

    Must run in the family. Daddy Fawkes is forever jamming young boys’ cocks up his arse.

  58. 58
    @OnTwitter says:

    Guido. Can you take Rich & Mark with you to Legoland next time please Guido? Ta.

  59. 59
    Dick Desmond says:

    What are the two young’uns called, Guido? Turkey and Baster?

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    And the good news is??

  61. 61
    W alter Natively says:

    Don’t ask Jimbob Murdoch about these kind of events at BskyB Xmas do’s!!!

    Nae even Harvard!!!

  62. 62
    Gordon Brown says:

    Just been, nurse is cleaning up the mess as I type.

  63. 63
    A Sad sad Syrian Dog says:

    If Bliar can get away with being an international war criminal – then I’m going to do just the same.

    Coffee and his mates can do nothing – they’re tarred and entrapped with having done nothing over the Blush and Bair Boys.

    United Nutters – with too many secret agendas.

  64. 64
    "Guido" the sellout says:

    Excellent idea big boy!

    Have both the back and foreground superimposed without any intervention and hey presto, no abysmal shite tomorrow morning.

  65. 65
    care in the community says:

    Can you get any further up his arse if you tried 8illy?

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    It’s your own fault, they should be out sweeping chimneys . . .

  67. 67
    karma says:

    Cant disagree with these folks.

  68. 68
    Concerned says:

    So was it actually a genuine piece of Lego or just another gold nugget that was stuck up her nose?

  69. 69
    ffs! says:

    The French Christine tart with rhino skin needs slapping down too. She’s starting to get even more above her station than she normally is.

    Needs taking down a peg or two.

    Ghastly woman.

  70. 70
    Sandie Shaw says:

    Christine is just another – all together now sing in harmony …

    “… Like a puppet on a string”.

  71. 71
    amongymouse says:

    So now even Guido uses Ms – ugh. What’s wrong with calling a young girl Miss? It has the benefit of annoying Miss Harman (Mrs Dromey).

  72. 72
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    I sometimes think she is the only woman in France with balls.

    At least she has risen to the top on merit.

    Sarkozy was very lucky to get her to serve as a Minister in the first place.

  73. 73
    Raving Loon says:

    We should withdraw from the IMF, no more bailing out feckless countries!

  74. 74
    Geoff, England (not Britain or 'United' KIngdom) says:

    Does she bollocks.

  75. 75
    Geoff, England (not Britain or 'United' KIngdom) says:

    I thought it was customary to refer to Jack Drone (Stepford Husband) as Mrs Harman.

  76. 76
    puzzled old git says:

    odd no guido post on this yet.

  77. 77
    The Tosser in No 10 says:

    One says you jolly chaps! Whatever one says yes to – jolly Nick says no! Dashed if one knows why! One feels like an absolute tosser! Watt! Wattage!!! Ha Ha Ha hhaaah! As if one cares!

  78. 78
    Mzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 'Mad' Hattie says:

    Shut yer face!! ‘n leeve Jacky art of it bastard.

  79. 79

    Young Ms. Fawkes only has to ask Guido and Neo-Guido about the awful consequences of putting stuff up one’s nose.

  80. 80
    Synic says:

    Another week is about to start. What will Dave mess up this time?

  81. 81
    Ffione says:

    Shut up William, you obnoxious little prat.

  82. 82
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Advice To The Closeted Service says:

    Ah– we know what you’re really asking, don’t we now?
    Who bothers with pants? Go “commando”, we say!
    And if you DO go to a gay porn site, always hit “Clear browsing history” before you sign out for the night.
    Now that you know what to do and what to wear (or not) whilst doing it, good luck, mate, enjoy yourself, and glad we could be of service!

  83. 83
    Yvette says:

    I’ve got the riding crop ready Ed.

  84. 84
    Baroness warsi-uddin says:

    Have I resigned yet.

    The tips uddin gave me seem to have dropped me in the poo.

    She seemed to be so devious as well

  85. 85
    Garry "Lego" Glitter says:


  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    T-Tish, Boom!

  87. 87
    Excuse me says:

    she rose to the top ‘on merit’ – that’s debatable. Does she have the ability to be able to think outside of the box of a lifetime of conditioning?

  88. 88
    Oh really says:

    Perhaps not from the neck up though.

  89. 89
    Question says:

    Don’t you have some hidden cameras … oops secrets from a property on the Isle of Man where clandestine meetings were held several years ago?

    Who’s property was it anyway?

  90. 90
    The Common law says:

    Exactly how many false and unlawful S.42’s have you signed?

  91. 91
    Jimmy says:

    So that’s what Terry Farrell’s up to these days.

  92. 92
    No, Don't Titter says:

    Or pour chocolate on it. It’ll come out a Treet! I’ll get my coat.

  93. 93
    Britain (not Geoff nor England) says:

    Hello I am the future.You are a sad fuck. goodbye.

  94. 94
    David Murray, practicing the economics of Gordon Brown and Fred Goodwin , Cut from the same cloth says:

    Why is anyone surprised ?

  95. 95
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Are the Tories finally waking up to the BBC mongs?

    “….Boris Johnson’s former communications chief threatened to use his contacts in the press to confront the BBC over its coverage of the Conservative mayor of London, suggesting that “good friends in No 10″ could also be deployed against them, emails leaked to the Guardian reveal.

    The threat of a “huge public fight” was levelled at senior BBC figures by Guto Harri, a former BBC correspondent himself, who announced last week that he was moving to become director of communications at News International…”

  96. 96
    Ed Chap says:

    Shocked at all the unnecessary and rude remarks on here when just a few good words would have done to say they are glad Ms Fawkes is better now. I am sure it was not pleasant for Ms Fawkes and just for once, it would be nice to read some grown-up comments about a simple incident which ended well.

    There is always next week to get back to the ususal politics and bile. I am sure it it was your daughter in pain, you would not be wanting to read some of these remarks.

  97. 97
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    I notice listening to the BBC bleating on about Syria that one man is not getting any blame…. the first dog eating President of the United States of America. Moha**ad Barack Obama.

    Anyone else noticed, the leftist media, like the Guardian, BBC and Independent are all blaming Cameron and Hague? In fact why are we yet again the only Country running around for a bunch of M****ms that hate our guts?

  98. 98
    Borrowing yourself out of debt says:

  99. 99
  100. 100
    William MacDougal, groundskeeper, Springfield Elementary School says:

    I want to announce that I am retaining legal counsel in the matter of an advert now on television, which shows a lad with a Scots burr, named “Scott” of all things, who passes himself off as an expert on maintaining a lawn:

    I got there first, the groundskeeper with the ginger hair(what there is of it) and beard, and thick Scottish burr; the Scott’s Turf Builder people are ripping me off!
    Gordon Brown has wished me luck in this effort.

  101. 101
    nostrildamis says:

    when I was tiny I did something similar with a piece of wood and was marched to the doctors surgery.

  102. 102
    nostrildamis says:

    this is probably not the right place to ask but I will.
    Is Blair up before Leveson tomorrow and is this the first time he will be questioned under oath ?

  103. 103
    Hello my names Pat and I love Joooooows! says:

  104. 104
    Statty Stishun says:

    You should buy her a decent nosebag. That’ll keep her nose clean..

  105. 105
    Mrs Dale says:

    Better get my Diary written up and the popcorn ready.

  106. 106
    The sphinx's external orifice says:

    A BBC Panorama docudrama yesterday on the BBC World TV described how their reporter was unable to interview Dirty Des on the question of how he launders his company’s taxes via offshore establishments. Such practices seem to be common among international corporatists and are costing the UK several billions a year in lost revenue. It also app**rs that HM Treasury have agreed to allow these scams to continue. Up the workers innit?

    So do we need to know if our illustrious host condones such practices and if not why has he not mentioned them along with similar criticism of the Grandina’s activities?

  107. 107
    a non says:

    O/T. Interesting week for Journalism. After Legoland on the weekend we approach the return of Cirque Leveson where both new and old high wire acts will be appe@ring ; supposedly to enthrall the public.
    Will Lev and ringmaster Jay diminish our enjoyment by insisting on a safety net?
    Will the beeb’s report be more about the sawdust ring, show ponies in their finery, avoiding any mention of the actual facts that might emerge? More importantly, will Henry the horse dance the Waltz?
    Always liked balancing acts myself.
    Hope Guido will go for the jugular too?

  108. 108
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Bliar at Leveson today, so expect the BBC to totally forget just like they did with Campbell and Mandelson.

  109. 109
    Tom Watson says:

    I got a Big Mac up my nose.

  110. 110
    Is it just my Labour council says:

    A lot of gagging orders being handed down from the local Labour parties to shut up councils , now the reality of the financial situation is apparent
    & surprise surprise
    They can’t deliver what they were promising before the election , especially to the unions .
    A snap shot of what we’ll all get if they are elected in nationally .

  111. 111
    M says:

    Should be treated like all the other thieving shites in the labour party , who are now in prison for the same thing

    Suspect labour won’t crow too loudly about this one

  112. 112
    Now there's no lights on the christmas tree mother says:

    Were you the ONE in the PINK BRICK??? I think we should be told!!

  113. 113
    davidc says:

    i always think of him as sid kite who thought of a visit to the soviet union as being corn fields in the day time and ballet in the evening

  114. 114
    Jago Frost says:

    Just about anything he attempts. His poll ratings would increase if he stopped announcing crackpot “initiatives” which make him seem shallow.

  115. 115
    Eeyore says:

    Sory, no time to read other posts, so this may have been mentioned already.

    When I worked in the toy industry 30 years ago all manufacturers were required to observe the Toy Safety Code (I think it had statutory backing). Inter alia, it required toys or pieces of toys sold for particular age-groups to be of a certain minimum size so as to avoid accidental ingestion (there had been a few high-profile choking cases some time earlier, I think).

    Back then, Lego was one of the three big firms with unimpeachable attitudes to safety (Fisher Price and Tonka were the others). FP is now owned by Mattel who, in those days at least, specialised in selling large boxes with small contents….I can’t comment on any other aspect of the firm but that characteristic formed in my mind a certain view of their ethics. Tonka? No idea what happened. Likewise Lego – have their standards slipped? If so, one of your no-win-no-fee learned friends might win you a year or two’s school fees for Miss Fawkes.

Seen Elsewhere

“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
British Minister in Watch Gaffe | Straits Times
New Tory, New Danger | Laura Perrins
UKIP Could Work With Dave If Price is Right | Douglas Carswell
Cops Catch Crims With B.O. Test | Techno Guido
Bashir’s “False Account” to His Own Lawyers | Times
Injustice of Tax Avoidance Hysteria | City AM
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
UKIP on 23% With Survation | Mirror
UKIP Could Deal With Dave | Douglas Carswell
Tories Would Lower Benefit Cap | Telegraph

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