May 12th, 2012

Saturday Seven Up

Last week some 113,046 visitors made 329,322 visits to view 524,539 pages. The top stories in order of popularity were:

You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
    David One-term Cameron says:

    I have to leave soon, m’lud – can I text a friend before I go ?

  2. 2
    anonymous says:

    well done Guido

    the mainstream media are refusing comments on their stories about Leveson, Murdoch, Hunt etc – all for ‘legal reasons’ – they obviously don’t think the public can be allowed to comment. The running blog yesterday as events unfolded was great and the comments, generally, sublime

  3. 3
    Dave says:

    How’s my hair looking? I going on a date with Barak.

  4. 4
    Hugh Janus says:


  5. 5
    Fabians are Evil says:

    I must be getting kinder in my old age – I am actually beginning to feel sorry for old Polly one song – she really is a sad old bovine cow , more to be pitied than scorned?

  6. 6
    Bill Clinton says:

    Get well soon !

  7. 7
    Euro Highlight of the Week says:

    You can now help starving Greeks.

    For just £1000 you can save a Greek dog’
    £250 for jabs and passport and £750 for the crate and flight.

    So the Europe@an venture is starting to solve the Greek problem. Border (Collie)
    patrol have been alerted to be on the lookout for illegal Afghan hounds.

  8. 8

    In 1879 the 15 seriously wounded men of the zulu attacked Rorke’s Drift garrison, where treated by a doctor. He had no hospital, no ambulance wagons and as nearly all the armies equipment was destroyed by the victorious Zulus at Isandlwana very little medical supplies.

    In an age when one in three soldiers would die from wounds, all 15 survived.

    The exceptionally talented doctor who treated them was a Dr Blair-Brown.

    Imagine waking up with a spear in your chest and being told -“Hello? Been in the wars have he?..Well…not to worry..soon have you up and about..I’m Doctor Blair-Brown..”

  9. 9
    Fabians are Evil says:

    OK – fuck the silly old daft Fabian Cow

  10. 10
    Ah! Monika says:

    Here’s a good idea.
    Stuff yourself ’till you become obese and cannot get about, then buy a mobility scooter so you can, without exercise, get to ASDA to stock up. 300,000 scooters and rising.

    Councils will eventually have to widen and reinforce pavements. H & S and Human Rights.

  11. 11
    Addicted to small ads says:

    The Ministry of Defence has confirmed a device which can be used as a “sonic weapon” will be deployed in London during the Olympics.

    They can have mine as well. One claims to clear an area of rodents, and another, the garden of cats. Both useless.

  12. 12
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    The Taxpayer will eventually have to [pay to] widen and reinforce pavements. H & S and Human Rights.

    Fixed it for you.

  13. 13
    WTF? says:

    Rich and Marks cartoon popular?

  14. 14
    Ivor Mole says:

    Ah ! You’re talking about Bob Crow.

  15. 15
    Dick the Prick says:

    She’s got comedy value but is batshit insane

  16. 16
    J Smith says:

  17. 17
    Abdel from Tooting says:

    They are now saying Mr Hunt should resign.

    My God if there is any truth to the insinuations by Mrs Brooks he should be facing between 7 and 10 years in prison for abuse of public office.

    I dread to think what the world press will make of all this at the Olympics

  18. 18
    My major gripe of today says:

    Why do they allow these things in bloody Tesco, that’s what I want to know. Great big morbidly obese blobs of chaviness, trundling up and down the aisles, stopping for no one, until they draw up alongside something particularly unhealthy (turkey twizzlers or packets of lard) and then they’ll stop, turn their thick fat chavvy necks in the direction of said food product, and block the aisle for 5 minutes while they dribble and drool.

  19. 19
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    Only one of many problems if you choose to shop in a chav paradise like Tesco

  20. 20
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    A week is a long time in politics. Come the olympics it will all be forgotten.

  21. 21
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    Let bumsex rule the day

  22. 22
    My major gripe of today says:

    I think it’s actually rap ‘music’. ASDA play it in their stores. Why, I don’t know. To punish people for shopping there, I suppose.

  23. 23
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    If gays want to share in the stupidity of the heterosexual world then so be it as far as I am concerned.

    When it comes to the split which part of the dog do you want?

  24. 24
    Technomist says:

    Many people in politics still think like that. You should see how much money is wasted on nosh-ups and fripperies in the nation’s Town Halls.

  25. 25
  26. 26
    There is no escape. says:

    The same problem at Sainsbury’s.

  27. 27
    My major gripe of today says:

    “To get the full experience of this page, please upgrade your Flash Plugin”

    Why does every nozzle-headed tosser today refer to everything as an “experience”? Why didn’t they just say, “this page requires flash”? That would be sensible. But noooo, it’s “an experience”. And you have to download f*ckin’ Flash to “experience the experience”. And all the Flash adverts, too. The “Flash advertising experience”.

    Well, they can p*ss off.

  28. 28
    Archer Karcher says:


    Excellent news for the parasite class.

    They can now employ 300,000 care assistants to feed and clean those ‘disabled’ by obesity, as obviously they will not be able to cook food, waddle to the toilet or bathe themselves.

    Then of course, the MSM can highlight the dangers of overeating and ‘justify’ rationing by price, food and along with government funded Quango’s, lecture everyone constantly about their eating habits and lifestyle choices.

    Now all we need is a snappy campaign slogan, I know the ‘obesity crisis’ sounds good.

    Alternatively, they could just make people responsible for their own lifestyle choices, let nature take it’s course and thin out the gene pool. But I suppose, that would not be considered ‘fair’ by the bedwetting community.

  29. 29
    My major gripe of today says:

    I hope the Olympics will be forgotten a week after they’ve finished. And I bet the government hopes we forget how much they’ve cost.

    “Ooh, it won’t cost more than £2.37billion,” said Seb bloody Coe in 2005. “It’ll be a bargain,” said Seb bloody Coe.

    Well, it’s on target to cost £24billion. What does Seb bloody Coe have to say about that? No much, I bet.

    Let’s break his legs.

  30. 30
    Archer Karcher says:

    The government should get the hell out of peoples lives.

    If gay or socialist vicars want, by free choice, marry gays, then so be it.

    But to force by law such matters, is fundamentally, authoritarian oppression of peoples legitimate dissenting views on homosexuality and not anything even vaugely, that government should be involving themselves with, anywhere.

  31. 31
    My major gripe of today says:

    I hope the Olympics will be forgotten a week after they’ve finished. And I bet the government hopes we forget how much they’ve cost.

    “Ooh, it won’t cost more than £2.37billion,” said Seb C*oe in 2005. “It’ll be a bargain,” said Seb *Coe.

    Well, it’s on target to cost £24billion. What does Seb blo*ody C*oe have to say about that? No much, I bet.

    Let’s break his legs.

  32. 32
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    Pop round and trim my wisteria, there’s a good fellow.

    And hurry uo about it.


  33. 33
    Archer Karcher says:

    I wish there was an alternate media where I could avoid the Olympic drug, parasite and ad-fest, completely.

  34. 34
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    Just get a proper job and you won’t need to shop at these ghastly places.

    Show some initiative.

  35. 35
    My major gripe of today says:

    And Waitrose. And worse, Waitrose has it’s own, special, awfulness; children’s trolleys.

    Little tiny (metal) shopping trolleys for little Natasha to hurl around at high speed, usually into my shins. “Don’t do that, Natasha, you’ll hurt someone,” says doting mum as Natasha collides her toy trolley into my shin. How about, “don’t do that Natasha, or I’ll break your face.” That would work.

    Waitrose: you are ars*holes. And another thing: you’re graduate trainees (the ones with the suits), swanning up the aisles pushing everyone aside. Teach them some respect. Or just sack them.

  36. 36
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    There are also the hidden costs, how many asylum seekers will enter the UK under the subterfuge of supporting their national team?

    Then once settled, their human rights will ensure that we will be looking after their dependents as well.

  37. 37
    My major gripe of today says:

    “your graduate”. Damn it. I hate people who make that mistake.

  38. 38
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    A red hot poker up his shitter would be more appropriate.

  39. 39
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I be head of the EMF?

  40. 40
    Geoff, England (not Britain or 'United' KIngdom) says:

    Rap with a silent ‘c’.

  41. 41
    Geoff, England (not Britain or 'United' KIngdom) says:

    The only ‘experience’ I care a stuff about is the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

  42. 42
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I be head of the KLF?

  43. 43
    "Pop" Goes The Guido says:

    “I put it to you, Mr. Arthur Brown, that you are in fact NOT the ‘God of Hellfire,’ and that you are covering up for your brother Gordon!” #PopLeveson

  44. 44
    South of the M4 says:

    If memory serves then those two lads who called themselves the ‘ KLF ‘ performed a televised stunt where they burnt £1m. You have the qualifications to lead them several thousand times in my opinion.

  45. 45
    BOB ROW says:


  46. 46
    South of the M4 says:

    Ah Waitrose. Where you cannot get a cheese sandwich – but you can buy a Venezuelan Beever Cheese granary roll with blue lettuce and a hint of Hebridean Dill sauce.

  47. 47
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I be head of the MDF?

  48. 48
    Phoney b liar says:

    Ohh, let’s build a dome for hundreds of millions and then after we fail to fill it we can sell it for a penny!

    That’s the way to do it.

  49. 49
    annette curton says:

    It was the KFC (finger licking good) Gordon, The High Street Kirkcaldy, they regret to inform you your application for part-time waitress was unsuccessfully on this occasion.

  50. 50
    annette curton says:

    Yes, you can be the chairman of the Bored.

  51. 51






  52. 52
    annette curton says:

  53. 53
    E Lectorate says:

    You’ll live to rue the day.

  54. 54
    Tommy Atkins says:

    “They’ve got a great bass section, mind, but no top tenors, that’s for sure…”

    You couldn’t make this film to-day, for obvious reasons.

  55. 55


















  56. 56
  57. 57
    Abdel from Tooting says:

    That is my most favourite film.

    Stanley Baker was magnificent as was Victor Emmanuel.

  58. 58
    Abdel from Tooting says:

    I thought the definition of marriage in English Law was for the union of one man with one woman.

    No doubt Mr Cameron has more knowledge than I do . My two years of study at the University of Karachi count for nothing in this country.

  59. 59
  60. 60
  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    You need better stories.

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