May 10th, 2012

PM Writes to Tory MPs to Smooth Feathers


  1. 1
    Truth says:

    Am sure that will do it!

  2. 2
    Cameron is a liar says:

    Vote UKIP.

  3. 3
    George says:

    Dear Colleague? Sounds more like Asda than Conservative.

  4. 4
    Ah! Monika says:

    Script for MPs ‘volunteered’ to go on Newsnight

  5. 5
    Jannercide says:

    What sort of retard starts a sentence and paragraph with the word ‘But’?

  6. 6
    Hmmph says:

    An ineffective figurehead in thrall to the civil service mouthing platitudes to keep the party in line.

    Cameron is on course for just one thing: to hand government back to Labour thus destroying the country totally. Time to emigrate.

  7. 7
    Call me Dave says:

    Dear Comrades more like

  8. 8
    Philip says:

    Nothing about mass non-mandated immigration in there, though.

  9. 9
    Camoron says:

    It looks like we got away with not doing anything we promised. Just a little while longer and Labour will be in when it all comes crashing down.

  10. 10
    Philip says:

    … they’ve been making doing more of that on of their priorities.

  11. 11
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    No mention of council waste and quango’s then. Put Pickles back in the cryo chamber for another 50,000 years

  12. 12
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Dear Fellow Actors

  13. 13
    The Proviinces says:

    At least he’s consistently patronising.
    The tone is like reading the yearly report from a second-rate managing director.

  14. 14
    Mornington Crescent says:

    A PR spiv, that’s what.

  15. 15
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Dear Fellow Equity Members


  16. 16
    Iloathlefties says:

    How about that referendum on getting out of the EU Bill and stop giving it £50 million a day!! Stop the £11 billion foreign aid to nucleur powers and corrupt regimes. How about stopping the 591,000 immigrants a year and removing those who shouldn’t be here? What about stopping the windmill building to bung your father law £1000’s a week so we don’t have to pay 20% premium on our electricity bills? What about leaving the EU HR Court so we can deport foreign criminals and repealing the Human Rights Act?
    UKIP I think as you are NOT listening.

  17. 17
    The Provinces says:

    In your dreams you sad muppet.

  18. 18
    Steve Miliband says:

    Coulson is pretty good so far

  19. 19
    How about trying democracy for once? says:

    I want an entirely elected Lords with NO BLOODY BISHOPS. If washed-up politicos like Presclott want to be in it, let them stand for election. Making them pass the 11-plus might also be useful.

  20. 20
    Jay Walker says:

    I would wager that Mr Jay votes Labour.

  21. 21
    PR Spiv says:

    The most successful government based in SW1A 2AA, ever in the history of the world, to have a leader called Dave

  22. 22
    passing wino says:

    Anyone can spout bollocks.

  23. 23
    Time to toss the toff says:

    Bye-bye Dave. You can see yourself out, you two-faced son-of-a-bitch.

  24. 24
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Coulson currently butt-fucking Jay on live TV

  25. 25
    Tower Hamlets voter says:

    As HAL says in 2001 A Space Odyssey “just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?”

  26. 26
    David, call me Prime Minister if you like says:

    Many thanks for that endorsement.

  27. 27
    jgm2 says:

    An elected second chamber is a constitutional clusterfuck. Which one will be dominant? They’ll both be able to claim democratic legitimacy. Which one will be generating the legislation and which one will be scrutinising it? And why should it be that way around? After all we were elected too.

    Fucking madness.

  28. 28
    maggie the dog says:


  29. 29
    Do says:

    This man is a grade A top Dollar Wanker. I should know.

    Get Farage in quick before we’re all on the streets .

  30. 30

    I’m completely reassured.

    But then again I have a majority of 22,786 and no boundary change.
    And being out of government means that instead of having to do what the whips tell you, you don’t have to do anything at all.

  31. 31
    annette curton says:

    What a ridiculous FARCE! (just watched some of the live transmission). Was this or was this not a job interview etc, etc, who gives a flying fuck, is it supposed to be criminal offence now?.

  32. 32
    Fish says:

    Very impressed with Coulson.

    But shocked that a newspaper man has a political leaning !!!!! The brief for the Leveson Stitch-up is getting all damp finding out that Coulson might have been a Tory supporter.

    No doubt Watson is waiting, like a coiled jelly, for his call from the PM programme.

  33. 33
    Ed Moribund says:

    Do you remember that film Dave? When a useless nobody suddenly became President?

    I can feel that happening right now…

  34. 34
    Simon. says:

    Makes you question all that money his Dad spent on sending him to Eton.

  35. 35
    WTF says:

    On the BBC Live page….


    Now onto relations between Mr Coulson and then shadow chancellor George Osborne from 2005 onwards. They’re discussing a story about Mr Osborne, drugs and a former prostitute

  36. 36
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Dear Tory MPs.

    I love Nick, you are unimportant.

    Regards, Dave (My EUSSR job is assured if you shut the fuck up) Cameron.

  37. 37
    magpie and the jay says:

    I fail to see what Coulson did after leaving the NOTW has to do with an inquisition into the conduct of the press. Surely his relationship with Labour while he was editor is more pertinent?

  38. 38
    How about trying democracy for once? says:

    Seems to work in America. With far fewer members.

  39. 39
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Why does that beardy mong Jay now do all the questions? That fit bird with the dark hair just seems to sit at the back now.

    They could at least give us some totty, can’t they interview some page 3 girls or something?

  40. 40
    Govt_By_Cluster_Fuck says:

    Sounds about right.

  41. 41
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Is Jay a Labour supporter?

  42. 42
    BBC says:


  43. 43
    jgm2 says:

    It’s the end of Cameron. The grammar pedants are on the case.

  44. 44
    ToryBoy says:

    Spot on, Old Bean! If we really fucke up monumentally and time it right, then it will all be blamed on the next lot, then we get on afterwards for another ride on the gravy train. Rule Britannia!

  45. 45
    Guardian reading bedwetter says:

    Yes Yes Yes:

    Crime and Courts Bill
    – will establish the National Crime Agency to tackle serious,organised and complex crime and strengthen border security. The Bill will alsomaintain the capability of intelligence and law enforcement agencies to acquirecommunications data to protect the public within a framework of strict safeguards.Measures will further reform and modernise the courts and tribunal service to increaseefficiency, transparency and judicial diversity

    Finally he did what the great Blair couldn’t – a new shiny national police force to do the state’s work and cut out the pesky annoying local police forces. We can have nationwide crackdowns on racism, patriotism, anti-EU propaganda, homophobia and climate change denial.

    Modernising the courts is important. Nice move Dave. I want no more tradition or reminders that this is an old country. As Clegg said we are a young country. Obviously not true but we all agreed to stick to the new official history which started in 1997 with New Labour freeing us from the hated Tories and creating the NHS.

    And best of all – judicial diversity. It is outrageous that Englishmen can still be judges when we are a modern, diverse, multi-cultural nation.

  46. 46
    Basil Brush says:

    A girl goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

  47. 47
    Fish says:

    Leveson coming back for round 2 on job interviews. He clearly doesn’t understand the real world of how people get jobs / get head hunted. He probably has never needed to.

  48. 48
    hajo hajo says:

    Welcome to pedantry corner.

    Well, it’s more of an alcove.

  49. 49
    annette curton says:

  50. 50
    jgm2 says:

    Where will our ‘Senators’ come from? The counties? Two senators per county regardless of population? How is that ‘democratic’? Just rotten boroughs by the back door.

  51. 51
    Rip van Wrinkle says:

    Work in America? Do you read anything other than the New York Times?

    Between both the Senate and the House of Representatives they couldn’t pass collective wind.

  52. 52
    James Watt says:

    Energy bill == Economic suicide

  53. 53
    Col. M.T. Kernel (retd) says:

    SIR- That’s the spirit, sir.

    Yours, scullery-bound with the hatchet, Col. M.T. Kernel (retd)

  54. 54
    LOL says:

    I bet you proof read that more than once before clicking submit.

  55. 55
    Jimmy says:

    Another EU Treaty Bill?

    This will be fun.

  56. 56
    citizen banned says:

    Does ur puny little legs still work, babes?

  57. 57
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Energy Bill –
    will reform the electricity market. This will include powers to establish long-term contracts for low-carbon energy generation and to guarantee generating capacity, as well as other measures which together will deliver affordable electricity for consumers and help meet security of supply and decarbonisation goals. The Bill will also establish an independent nuclear regulator.

    Low-carbon? Has anybody got figures for the energy requirement to build a big windmill, including the concrete base?

    Guarantee generating capacity: Coal. Gas.

    Decarbonisation goals: Nuclear.

    Meet security of supply: French nuclear through the Interconnector.

    Independent nuclear regulator: of course.

    Goodbye Lib Dems

  58. 58
    Ugh says:

    Oh yes, that’ll really get things back on track…

  59. 59
    jgm2 says:

    Too right.

  60. 60
    Rat's arse says:

    It looks very likely ‘daisy’. Jay sounds like Kay Burley’s big brother; both are smarmy & both are useless. Coulson is certainly sm*cking Jay’s arse.

  61. 61
    Dick Emery Paper says:


  62. 62
    annette curton says:

    And turning to page 29 paragraph 3, and when you took the job in the Golden Haddock did you know at this time they were members of the Fish Fryers Association?, Leveson peers down his glasses in a stern and authoritative manner at the suspect, LOL!.

  63. 63
    jgm2 says:

    There’ll be a reason. Most likely that Coulson was a taxpayer funded appointment (was he?) and so an open and auditable selection process should have been followed.

  64. 64
    Confess all ARE a Tory Mr Couslon aren't you ?? says:

    If Coulson is supposed to be the “smoking gun” all I can say is that he’s turning out to be a “damp squib”…although when he told Jay that he didn’t believe a word Brown told him about Brown’s closeness to Murdoch and basically he though Brown was talking complete bullshit on the subject is a gem(although it was quickly glossed over by Mr Jay)

  65. 65
    house proud town mouse says:

    Let’s hope she drank it slowly.

  66. 66
    Sir Reginald Lardarse MP, DipStick and Bar says:

    Only four pages? How am I supposed to be able to wipe my arse on that?

  67. 67
    Mr Gove AKA Pob says:

    This blogs proprietor is a keen supporter of unelected god botherers being put in positions of power

    libertarian that he is.

  68. 68
    Le Twatter says:

  69. 69
    freckles says:

    Jay is not interested in Brown and Blair, he’s trying to stitch up Cameron.

  70. 70
    A Propos Something Totally Unrelated says:

    “Latest Al Qaeda bogeyman is a CIA Agent ” ??

    So actually all that ordure from Langley that ” .. dilligent and ongoing undercover work has resulted in our operatives being able to thwart this attempt prior to its having potentially disastrous consequences .. “” etc etc blah blah is just that … BS.

    If it wasn’t for the courage of one man who went deep cover and risked his life on a daily basis such that he was nominated by the ragheads to be the next suicide bomber Langley would have known zilch . There WAS no danger to the public ON THIS OCCASION as clearly the agent had no intention of getting on a plane and detonating anything . But next time …. what happens when this device gets into the hands of a REAL zealot suicide jockey and Virgnbia will be oblivious to the fact as their luck had run out ?? Personally I am only travelling by Hansom Cab in future .

  71. 71
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    “Meet security of supply: French nuclear through the Interconnector.”

    Hollande wants to shut them. Although theres only one on his list so far. Probably so as not to upset the workers/unions.

  72. 72
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Why not 1 Senator for 2 adjoining MP constituencies.

    That would mean 300 Senators, with some geographic base, but more ‘diluted’ than the two MPs holding those individual seats (who may be from different parties from each other and/or from the Senator).


  73. 73
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    make the font bigger before you print it out.

  74. 74
    Tessa 'the bookies runner' Jowell says:

    And you can place that wager at any one of 17 bookies in a High Street near you, thanks to my 2005 Gambling Act. I am very rich now. Did you know that?

  75. 75
    Al Cove says:

    More of a booth, I’d say.

  76. 76
    Quisling says:

    Until a human can marry Zooplankton I am staying out of this

  77. 77
    jgm2 says:

    In that case they will (reasonably) claim that they have more democratic legitimacy since each one represents twice the voters of each MP.


  78. 78
    sick of everything, ever says:

    Hmmm. Where to start with this…….

  79. 79
    annette curton says:

    You mean like Pilgrims?.

  80. 80
    Can you Adam & Eve it says:

    Do my eyes deceive me?

  81. 81
    jgm2 says:

    Between both the Senate and the House of Representatives they couldn’t pass collective wind.

    Hmmm. There might be something to be said for it if they could guarantee perpetual legislative gridlock.

  82. 82
    Fracking Hell says:

    Are we allowed more than 140 characters on here, then? Do spaces count?

  83. 83
    Can you Adam & Eve it says:

  84. 84
    jgm2 says:

    Any of the other perpetrators could now easily claim ‘entrapment’.

    ‘This chap came to us and claimed he was determined to blow up a plane and so it seemed rude to say “No”‘.

  85. 85
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Does Leveson really think the BBC is impartial? Has he not seen the way the BBC mongs have covered the hacking story?

  86. 86
    The Coalition For marriage says:

    Now there is nothing homophobic in that petition. So why is ASA putting the frighteners on Guido and Cranmer for advertising it? There was me thinking we had freedom of speech in this country.

  87. 87
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Um who does Coulson think has fitted him up?

  88. 88
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    So does that mean she really wants Gordon to marry his one true LOVE Peter Mandelson?

  89. 89
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Chacun a son gout, I suppose. But the interconnector only supplied 2.7% of demand (last 24hrs), so it could be considered disposable. But M. Hollande must be concerned about the 83 (?) operating nuclear power stations in France, non?

  90. 90
    Handycock (Quality Purveyor of national secrets for sex) says:

    That being the case cameron has my full support even though he is a Tory twat. Boaz.

  91. 91
    non paper-reading free thinker says:

    Good effort at irony.

  92. 92

    And become the second bedwetting PM never to win an election. Heir to Brown?

  93. 93
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    like these dreams

    thanks Crammer

  94. 94
    non paper-reading free thinker says:

    Be careful with that axe, Marilyn. Are you new here?

  95. 95
    old git says:

    He’s blown it the tosser, he thinks the public believe him

    CAST IRON CAMERON, no thanks,

  96. 96
    Rat's arse says:

    Got it in one freckles. When is Bliar & Mctwat’s shinanigans going to come to light? Come on Coulson, put the boot in to those pair of tw*ts (and be quick about it!).

  97. 97
    Some Geezer wot knows a million corny jokes says:

    “I’m having a hard time with that one!”, said the actress to the Bishop.

    “Let me stick my two-pennyworth in…”, said the Bishop to the actress.

  98. 98

    It’s working for labour.

  99. 99

    ….and your point is?

  100. 100
    Muslim Council of Great Britain says:

    Anyone can see it’s all Is ra el’s fault these men in Rochdale abused children. Phone not working? Is ra el’s fault. Plumbing problem? Is ra el’s fault. Not enough mayo in your sandwich? Is ra el’s fault. We muslìms are a law abiding and decent people and any time one of us is accused of a crime, you can bet it’s all a giant z ion ist conspiracy.

  101. 101
    Physicist says:

    If Nature abhors a vacuum, how come Call me Dave is still in No. 10?

  102. 102

    Pilgrims are Union representatives. Their open and audit-able selection process takes place in smoke-filled rooms where it is decided who the shop stewards will tell the sheeple to vote for – postal of course.

  103. 103
    Cryo-Gen inc. says:

    He wouldn’t fit.

  104. 104
  105. 105
    Islamic Republic of Oldham says:

    Hey politics fans! Tonight’s Question Time comes from the Labour and muzee stronghold of Oldham. On the panel for your entertainment are Chris Bryant, Caroline Spelman, Lord Oakeshott, Mary Beard and Peter Oborne. Ensuring that Bryant gets to shout down anyone who might ask about his recent apology to Leveson for breaking the rules is your host David Dimbleby.

    And as a side note, you have a good chance of having your texts shown on digital 155 as for some strange reason the person who selects which ones are shown seems to be non-Labour. So much so that last week one texter complained that it looked as though Tory central office was selecting the messages.

  106. 106
    A second rate managing director says:

    Yes he is. Pity we had to let him go over a storm in the popular press.

  107. 107

    Because he’s a B1ack Hole? Everything disappears below the event horizon and no light ever escapes?

  108. 108
    Ugh says:

    You got it. It’s what both lots do.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    300 fucking senators? The USA makes do with a 100 for a population of 300M + and 435 for Congress. We could make do with 200 -300 mps and about 60/70, if that, in a second revising/scrutiny chamber.

  110. 110
    A second rate managing director says:

    Why? One of the best things about the Lords is that they don’t have to pander to raging political idiocies of the day to retain office. They are a good steadying force and making them elected would simply reduce that stability.

  111. 111
    A second rate managing director says:

    Too true, and Jay looks like he is enjoying it too.


  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    It takes two to tango. Inshallah!

  113. 113
    veryanonymous says:

    Quite likely the truth of it.

  114. 114
    Richard bacon is a twat says:


  115. 115
    Rage Against the Politcal Elite says:

    Fuck me. Are we going to criminalize Smoking or driving Cars? We need to get CRIME up Keep the Cops in a job and the WHOLE jobs worth criminal justice system.
    Oh I suppose thats why Drugs are illegal, silly me.

  116. 116
    Paul Gadd says:

    Brits do it abroad too.
    Anyway, it’s specifically permitted by the Tal mud for Chosen Landers.

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    It’s specifically permitted by the Tal mud for chosen landers.

  118. 118
    David Cameron says:

    I am afraid such extremist views have no part in my new progressive conservative government.

    You are clearly a closet racist little englander and as such, I feel I can ignore your rantings and concentrate on the important matters of state.
    Such as, gay marriage, lots of very inexpensive and reliable windfarms, fighting the killer gas CO2, vital House of Lords reforms and of course expanding the EU so as to create even larger bills for taxpayers to subsidise.

    It is important that ordinary families are not left with any disposable income, so to that end, we shall increase taxation on anything that moves and those who resist will face tribunal trials where they will have no access to the evidence against them, or the ability to refute the charges abainst them either.

    Thankyou for your tireless work to make the UK a more bankrupt police state and I look forward to the coming parliament, confident that I have your full support.


  119. 119
    Cicero says:

    Yes, especially as this one seeks to make permanent a monetary fund (ESM, European Stability Mechanism) which basically says any eurozone nation’s money belongs to Brussels, and *any* amount can be called upon at any time (delivery: five days, from memory).
    This is a blatant take-over – the funding for dictatorship.
    And Cameron is backing it.
    Why does that not surprise me?

  120. 120
    Sick of the greed and lies(still) says:

    I wonder what would have happened if the gang had been white and preyed on local Mus*im girls?
    Rochdale would have been alight long before the gang came to trial.

  121. 121
    Cameron is a liar says:

    Heterosexuality applies to gay couples too you know.

  122. 122
    Trainee Pedant says:

    I don’t think that an alcove has a corner, implying a sharp angle?? They tend to have a rounded rear wall.

  123. 123
    Spy Cam Sam says:

    We were.

  124. 124
    BBC QT editor says:

    -coming from Oldham tonight Mr Dimbleby..Now ..what’s the main story in Oldham’s neck of the woods…Lets see….I think we should go with..

    Public sector pensions.
    Public sector pensions.
    Public sector pensions.
    Public sector pensions.

  125. 125
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    But nobody can spout as much for as long as Dave.

    He’s a one man bullshit factory.

  126. 126

    As Cameron doesn’t listen to anyone but his Notting Hill airy-fairy cronies, why should anyone else listen to him?

    I stopped listening to the bollocks Cameron spouts ages ago.

    Cameron is just another duplicitous, lying politician who takes the electorate for fools.

  127. 127

    Cameron couldn’t manage traffic in the Sahara desert!

  128. 128
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    cun*t is more appropriate

  129. 129
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    second rate is far too generous – Baron Omnishambles of Witney couldn’t find his own arse with both hands

  130. 130
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    “good steadying force” – you must be fucking delusional.

  131. 131

    I think the Obama administration were so intent on gaining some electoral brownie points I think they’ve bollocksed up an intelligence asset and put the agent and his family’s lives in danger.

    How long must it have taken the agent to infiltrate Al Quaeda? It seems he’s passed on other useful info to the Saudis and the CIA. Now O’Bummer has rendered him useless by putting narrow party political considerations before national security.

    O’Bummer really is a wanker!

  132. 132
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    only asset

  133. 133
    Gay says:

    Ooh can’t you just feel the tightness?

  134. 134
    Davey Cameron's bumsex army says:

    Will they get married do you think?

  135. 135
    Gay says:

    Why would we want to defrost him anyway?

  136. 136
    Rightallalong says:

    Every time I switch on a BBC political programme it’s Lord Oakeshott (or his ‘relation’ Isabel).
    Who is this guy ? Why is he so important ? Is he employed by the BBC ? Does he get a bonus ?

  137. 137
    Lies, damn lies, and the BBC says:

    We will make sure the audience is a fair representative cross section of public opinion – just like the Question Time edition after 9/11.

  138. 138
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Utter bollocks from Wavy-Davy.

  139. 139
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Doesn’t he produce tinned ham?

  140. 140
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    She should know, with first hand experience of it!

  141. 141
    Old Dog No Tricks says:

    European Union (Approval of Treaty Amendment Decision) Bill

    – will seek theapproval of Parliament on an amendment to the European Union Treaties confirmingthe ability of euro area Member States to establish a financial stability mechanismwithin the euro area.

    Did he not guarantee a referendum on changing EU treaties in the last Queens speech – or was it just cast iron ones for which we get a look in ?

    – Also a British FBI ? to fight Organised crime – what the hell has the ‘Serious Organised Crime Agency’ (SOCA) been doing for the last 10 years then ?

    He’s making it all up ! The EU has all the competancies and he has nothing better to do than write meaningless dumb letters and make meaningless wortheless speeches.

  142. 142
    Old Dog No Tricks says:

    + Lots more

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

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